Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin

Chapter 05

"I do not want to be disturbed unless it is an absolute emergency," Arthur told his guards once he reached his rooms. "Merlin is the only person allowed through these doors."

The guards shared a look before the one on the right asked, "What about the queen, my lord?"

"Please inform my wife I wish for her to use the Queen's chambers until I come for her later."

"Yes, Sire," they bowed.

Arthur shoved the doors closed and began to pace. This day had already left him emotionally and physically exhausted but he didn't dare put this off any longer. The conversation that was about to take place was one he was both dreading and looking forward to but he also hoped it would be the perfect distraction for the dark memories he'd just shared with Gaius; he needed something to take his mind off the horrors and clearing things up with Merlin was the best way to do that.

The door swung open and Arthur froze mid-step, his eyes widening a fraction as a very different door sprang to the forefront of him mind. His heart started to pick up but, at the sight of Merlin, it immediately calmed. Arthur composed himself, hoping Merlin hadn't noticed his temporary terror.

"You're late," he said in way of greeting.

Merlin raised a skeptical brow. "It's only been ten minutes. Did you miss me that much?"

"Shut up, Merlin."

His manservant grinned as he set the plates on the table before going over to a cupboard and taking out two goblets and a jug of water. Arthur sat in his customary seat but when Merlin stepped back he motioned for him to sit too.

"But I thought Gwen…?" Merlin began in surprise.

"While I would much rather enjoy her company tonight, I have to settle for yours. Now sit down."

Merlin stared at him a moment more before slowly and hesitantly sliding into the chair at his right. He made no move to touch the food in front of him.

"Eat, Merlin."

"You first, Sire."

"Just shut up and eat."

Merlin pursed his lips but obeyed his master and hesitantly placed a piece of chicken in his mouth. Arthur picked up his own fork and ate a couple potato chunks. An awkward silence descended upon the pair but neither really knew how to break it. It was the first time Arthur had ever felt this way around his manservant and he didn't like it at all. The problem was he had so many questions but he didn't know where to start; that and he was once again stewing over the fact that his best friend had been lying to him for as long as he'd known him!

After a fourth of his plate was empty, Merlin glanced at his king and gave a fake cough.

"What?" Arthur demanded a little testily, looking up from the carrots he was chasing with his fork.

Merlin bit his lip and looked away. "This feels strange."

"…Yeah…" Arthur agreed, sorrow and anger warring within his heart.

"Look… Arthur…" Merlin began but faltered.

They stared at each other and the king decided he was too distraught to continue forcing food down his throat. Pushing his plate away, he stood up and left Merlin sitting at the table.

"Arthur?"

The king held up his hand. "Stay there," he commanded. Merlin stilled. "I mean, if you're still hungry, you can eat but I've had enough."

"You've barely touched anything."

"I'm not hungry."

"Arthur, you need to eat."

"Don't tell me what to do, Merlin!" Arthur snapped and turned away, running his fingers through his hair. Covering his face, he took two deep breaths and then spun around. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Merlin's shoulders slumped and his eyes lowered to his plate.

"Is this my trial, Sire?" he whispered.

"What? No! Merlin, I'm not condemning you–"

"You would if you knew everything I've done!" Merlin interrupted, his voice bitter and angry.

Arthur's frustration had reached its apex.

"Do not be so impertinent as to assume you know how I will and will not react!" he angrily shouted. "You have no right to condemn me when you haven't even given me a chance! Does our friendship mean so little to you? Do I?"

Merlin was on his feet in an instant, his chair toppling behind him with a crash.

"You mean everything to me!" he snapped. "How dare you assume you do not!"

"THEN TRUST ME!" Arthur bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. "For once in your life, TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"THE TRUTH?!" Merlin shouted, "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? FINE – HERE IT IS! I WAS BORN WITH MAGIC! I grew up believing I was a freak, a MONSTER!My very existence is against your law! But I stayed in Camelot because it's my destiny! I'm a slave to it and Fate and nothing I do will ever change that! Both made sure I saved your life the first time we met and I was rewarded by becoming your servant! Thus began years worth of being punched, poisoned, pelted with fruit; running around following orders for both you and Gaius; fulfilling my destiny of keeping you alive so you could become the Once and Future King; getting my heart repeatedly broken as people I loved died in my arms; fighting countless amounts of magical creatures, vengeful witches, and stupid bandits – all while having to live as a shadow and pretend I'm a fool, hiding who I really am because I'd be executed if I was ever found out! Because Destiny and Fate ruled my life from the second I drew breath!"

Merlin ceased his tirade only because his anger and frustration had mounted to the point he could no longer speak. Angry tears rolled down his pale cheekbones, his eyes a stormy sea of pain, loneliness, and loss. His limbs shook as he wiped at his face while taking several calming breaths.

Arthur made no move to say anything.

How could he? He was stunned. Never in all his years had he seen Merlin snap like this. His docile manservant was nowhere to be found, replaced by a man who had carried years of fear and rejection within his soul and was finally able to release it in a storm of shouted words.

He was still in shock when Merlin suddenly let out a weak, wet chuckle. He shook his head and brokenly smiled. It was the saddest smile Arthur had ever seen.

"Who would have thought that amidst all of the trials and heartache I would eventually embrace the hardship wholeheartedly?" He looked up and his eyes softened, his smile disappearing as his tone grew solemn. "My motivation for serving you completely transformed in the first year I was your manservant, Arthur, because I quickly realized that behind that prattish exterior you were actually a good man. Destiny and Fate may have originally told me to serve you but that's no longer why I do. I serve you because I believe in you. I care a heck of a lot about you, Arthur. You could even say that I love you."

Arthur pulled a face and Merlin laughed at his flabbergasted expression.

"Not in that way, dollophead! I meant as a brother," he elaborated before growing solemn once more. His unique blue eyes flashed with unwavering loyalty and Arthur found himself spellbound by the gaze. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to. Merlin squared his shoulders and boldly declared, "I would follow you to the ends of the earth were it required, Sire, and I would gladly give up my life in a heartbeat if it meant sparing yours. I, and my magic, belong to you, my lord. Anything you ask of me, should it be within my power, I will do. If you want to banish me, I'll willingly go. If you decide to end my life, I will not raise a finger of resistance. And if you wish for me to remain as your servant forever, I will gladly do so. Do with me as you see fit, Sire, for my life and my magic are forever yours to command."

If these words of submission weren't startling enough, Merlin completely floored him as he presented the king with the most elegant bow he'd ever seen. It wasn't full of pomp and circumstance nor was it given in mockery and jest. It was one hundred percent heartfelt and genuine, offered at the waist, the right hand over the heart and the left behind the back. After a moment Merlin straightened and stood proudly but submissively, both hands now behind his back, his chin lowered, his eyes on the ground; the picture of perfect subservience. Not even George could have pulled off such a remarkably flawless display.

It was a good thing Merlin couldn't see him because, for the first time in his life, Arthur Pendragon was completely and utterly speechless. His heart was in his throat and hot tears pricked threateningly at his eyes. Never in his entire existence had a man shown him such loyalty and devotion as Merlin had. Arthur felt the genuine love his manservant held for him and he shamelessly reciprocated those feelings. He had never before admitted it aloud but for many years he'd considered Merlin to be the little brother he'd always wanted. There were many things Merlin still needed to tell him but there was one thing Arthur was absolutely sure of and he needed Merlin to know it too.

Gathering his emotions, he crossed the room and threw his arms around his unsuspecting manservant.

"Sire?" Merlin gasped.

"Idiot," he mumbled into his shoulder with as much love and affection as he could muster.

Merlin relaxed and slowly raised his arms. Arthur didn't move. Though he wouldn't admit it, both of them needed this and it served as the best way to show Merlin how much he meant to him. Emotional comfort had never really been one of Arthur's strengths – except when it came to Guinevere – but for Merlin he was willing to break through his stoic shell.

Eventually, though, the touchy-feely moment became too much and Arthur pulled away, coughing into his hand. Merlin's smile was hesitant but pleased.

"Oh, shut up," Arthur grumbled, his cheeks flaring with heat as he folded his arms.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't need to!" Arthur let out a long sigh before again lowering his defenses. "Look, Merlin, I need to know and I want specifics because that nonsense you shouted earlier didn't make much sense. I want to know – in detail – everything you've done for me, for Camelot, and the kingdom you've helped me build."

Merlin wiped the tears from his cheeks, his elation disappearing.

"It's a long story," he gravely warned.

Arthur crossed the room and sat in one of the two chairs in front of the fireplace, indicating for Merlin to sit in the other.

"Then, by all means, get started," he invited as well as ordered.

Merlin hesitated before sitting down. "Alright," he muttered, "but I did warn you."

Merlin's tale was indeed longer than Arthur had been expecting and there were many times when both men had to pause to gather and control their emotions.

Learning that it was Merlin who released the Great Dragon and later lost Balinor, his father, was one of the harder things Arthur had to deal with. Killing Freya was worse. Knowing he was responsible for the death of his best friend's love; it nearly destroyed him. He couldn't understand how Merlin could forgive him for such a thing. If it had been Guinevere… Arthur truly didn't know if he would have been able to do as Merlin had done, forgiving him so completely.

Then there were the countless scars Arthur forced him to reveal with each tale that involved physical injury. Merlin's entire body had been mutilated by years' worth of wounds, burns, and lacerations, leaving the king devastatingly appalled and in the depths of humility. Not even his most seasoned knights had so many scars. That each was a result of his devotion to him… it broke Arthur's heart. No wonder he'd never seen Merlin shirtless; it would have been a dead give-away that his manservant was much more than what he seemed.

When Merlin confessed that he felt responsible for Morgana's dissension Arthur adamantly repeated Alice's earlier words of wisdom: choice corrupts an individual and what one does dictates whether they are good or evil. Arthur assured Merlin with all the energy of his soul that he truly believed he was not to blame for what happened to Morgana. It had taken the warlock a solid five minutes to calm down before he could continue retelling his heroics.

Learning that Merlin was Dragoon the Great left Arthur in a state of bewilderment, hurt, and anger. However, as he allowed Merlin to explain all his reasoning for becoming the old man and the involvement of his uncle and sister in the death of his father, Arthur's anger disappeared and he was once again struck with grief, regret, and a need to atone. He winced as he recalled exactly what he'd told Merlin shortly after his father died: that magic was pure evil. He apologized many times for saying that and Merlin, the insufferable idiot, forgave him immediately.

The earliest rays of a new dawn had started to light the room by the time Merlin finished. The two men lapsed into silence, Merlin drowning in misplaced guilt and Arthur in absolute awe. The king eventually looked up at the remarkable man sitting opposite him and compassion and love swelled within his breast. His anger was entirely forgotten, destroyed by the undeniable truth that the man sitting opposite him was the greatest he had ever met.

"Merlin." He waited until he had the warlock's full attention before he leaned forward and grasped his forearm. "Everything you've done… I know now – and I can't even begin to find words adequate enough to describe my gratitude."

Merlin stared at him, eyes wide with disbelief.

"You don't despise me?"

Arthur smiled with exasperated fondness and shook his head.

"It's as the dragon told you: a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole. I could never despise you, Merlin. What you've done… it goes beyond any form of loyalty expected of anyone. I can't thank you enough."

"I didn't do it for glory."

"I know you didn't," Arthur kindly replied, "though I can't understand why you would devote yourself to me when I clearly do not deserve you."

"Don't say that!" Merlin fiercely protested. "You're the greatest king there is! The only one worth dying for – as Gwaine would say."

Arthur chuckled and shook his head.

"I fail to see what you and Gwaine do but, I promise you, I'll do everything I can to be the king you deserve, Merlin. And I'll start by telling you I've repealed the ban on magic."

"You – what?" Merlin weakly gasped.

Arthur smirked at the look of utter befuddlement on his manservant's face. He looked as if he were about to faint.

"I repealed the ban, Merlin," he repeated. "I cannot support a law I no longer believe in and I can't bring myself to execute my best friend."

"Arthur…" Merlin warmly began but the king cut across him, hastening away from another tender moment; he'd had enough of those today.

"This means the laws will have to be rewritten," he said, standing up and beginning to pace, "and I expect my First Advisor and Court Sorcerer to supply at least an outline of the new laws at the next council meeting. You have two days, Merlin, so I suggest you get started."

"Wait - WHAT?" Merlin yelped. "But – I'm your manservant! I can't be your First Advisor! I'm not a noble!"

"You have more nobility than anyone on earth, Merlin," Arthur declared, "and if you're worried about being my advisor then I suppose I'll just have to fire you from being my manservant. Yes, that's the only way after all. You're fired."

"You can't fire me!" Merlin cried, leaping to his feet. "Who'll wash your clothes and polish your armor?"

"I'll find someone else," Arthur said dismissively.

"But I'm supposed to be your servant!" Merlin argued. "I told you I'd be happy to be so until the day I died."

"And you still will be," Arthur stated. "The First Advisor and Court Sorcerer still serve the king, Merlin. They're just given more respect and recognition than a manservant. And both positions will require you to be right beside me – which is where you belong."

Merlin shook his head in protest, causing Arthur to scowl. What did he have to do to get it through the idiot's thick skull? Closing the distance between them, he took Merlin's shoulders and looked him right in the eye.

"You were not meant to live in the shadows, Merlin. You are Emrys. You stand beside the Once and Future King not behind him. I will no longer allow you to hide when you are meant to be seen. I want people to see how much you mean to me, idiot, and I can't do that if you refuse to take the positions only you can fill within my court."

Merlin stood still, his eyes wide and glassy, a mixture of wonder and fear on his face.

"I never thought…" He faltered, shaking his head. "… I'd almost lost hope…"

Pained by this admonition, Arthur squeezed his shoulders.

"Then let me make it up to you now, old friend. Please."

He waited on bated breath, hoping beyond hope that Merlin would say yes. He was so much more than a manservant and Arthur vowed to spend the rest of his life helping him see just how much he meant to him.

A pregnant moment passed and then Merlin's eyes narrowed, a hint of mischief entering into his countenance. Arthur noted the change at once.

"Are you really sure you want me to be your Court Sorcerer?"

Arthur rolled his eyes but silently he was letting out a cheer of victory.

"Yes."

"You know that means I'm going to be experimenting with magic all the time."

Arthur shrugged and tried not to grin.

"I'm willing to deal with it since magic is who you are."

Merlin's lips twitched. He was fighting the urge to smile just as much as Arthur was but his eyes were twinkling with mirth and happiness.

"And you really want me to be your First Advisor?" he pressed. "Because I'm not going to go easy on you; others might be utter daffodils and refuse to call you a cabbagehead but I have no such qualms."

"No change there then," Arthur replied, unable to hide his grin any longer. "The only difference is you'll have the authority to do so."

Merlin's grin broke free too, matching that of his king's. He folded his arms and tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"You know, when you put it that way, being First Advisor sounds really nice."

"Then you accept my proposals?"

Merlin shrugged his shoulders.

"Even if I said no you'd make me do them anyway."

Arthur laughed and clapped him on the back. He really wouldn't have but the teasing response was too tempting for him to resist.

"You're learning."

They shared a brotherly smile but then Merlin's face fell and he hesitantly bit his lip.

"What is it?" Arthur prompted before teasingly adding, "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts?"

"No! But it's all rather sudden," Merlin confessed before tentatively adding "And I feel, given everything that's happened, it would be an easier transition if we waited on fully promoting me – until the new laws have been written and distributed among the people, that is."

Arthur frowned. He wanted Merlin to be recognized now! But the warlock did have a good point. The changes they were about to make would shake the whole kingdom. Perhaps it would be best to ease the people into the new vision they held.

"Alright," he agreed. "But you're still writing the new laws and you will attend all future council meetings as my advisor."

Merlin groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, Merlin," Arthur grinned. "If I have to sit through all those boring meetings then so do you. You are going to have to advise me, after all."

"I hate you."

Arthur's grin grew, if possible, even wider.

"I expect you'll hate me more once permanently in your new positions. Now, even though we've used up the whole night, I want you to sleep for the rest of the day."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to be doing the same thing, Merlin," Arthur drawled. "If you haven't noticed, I'm exhausted. You've kept me up all night. I have half a mind to make you stay awake and polish my armor."

"I'll take the sleep, thanks," Merlin stated, heading for the door.

Arthur smirked.

"Merlin?"

The warlock paused. Arthur's smug smile transformed into a serious line and he nodded to him, attempting to be stoic. Merlin's eyes danced with humor but he respectfully bowed his head.

"Get some rest, prat."

"You too, idiot – that's an order!"

Merlin left, leaving Arthur alone for the first time in hours. He stood there for a moment, reveling in the euphoria of it all. Change was coming and he was rather surprised to find himself excited for it. His emotions, however, rapidly transformed when he truly realized he was all alone. Dark memories started to creep from the corners of his mind and the king felt the need run. Promptly leaving his own chambers, he sought out those belonging to the queen. He knew he'd feel safe with her because Guinevere had been the first face – besides Merlin – that he'd seen since his liberation (and he wasn't about to call Merlin back when the idiot needed sleep).

He was very pleased to find the queen awake when he entered her chambers unannounced a minute later. She was rather surprised to see him and he could hardly blame her; it was just after dawn, after all, and normally he would still be dead to the world. Her old servant habits, however, would not be swayed so she still woke with the sun. Controlling his breathing and racing heart, Arthur smiled apologetically as he slipped onto the bed and kissed her in greeting.

"Have you been up all night?" she inquired.

Arthur nodded, rubbing his tired eyes. His anxiety was already retreating, the solace of her presence acting as the soothing sanctuary he'd hoped for.

"I take it you and Merlin have figured things out then?" she asked with an amused eyebrow raised.

Arthur lay down on the bed and yawned.

"It took all night but, yes, we did," he answered.

Guinevere smiled, a combination of relief and delight causing her brown eyes to dance.

"I told the knights earlier that there was no need to barge in and stop the two of you from shouting at each other."

Arthur winced, remembering the beginning of his and Merlin's long conversation.

"Did you hear what we…?"

"Only bits and pieces," she admitted, "but I knew it was just both of you venting your frustrations." She then leaned over and kissed him. "I'm glad you made up."

"Me too," Arthur agreed before pulling her gently towards him. "Stay with me?"

She settled against his side and wrapped her arm around his chest.

"For as long as you need," she promised.

Arthur kissed her curls one last time and instantly fell asleep, secured in mind and body that he wasn't alone somewhere else.

I've had this written for a while now but I planned on it being much longer than it is. Unfortunately I'm not sure how long it'll be before I'm well enough to write more for you guys so I thought I'd give you what I have. You see, I just found out I'm pregnant and morning sickness has been killing me. It's been difficult for me to concentrate on anything, honestly. I'll reassure all of you that I have no intention of abandoning this story (or The Sorcerer's Stone for those of you who are also reading that) but I do ask for your patience because updates are going to be much slower for a while. Thank you all for your love and support. There will be more chapters from me, I promise.