Heh. I thought I've posted a copy of this story on this site.

A/N: Setting this right after Matsudaira and Kondou's rescue mission. For reasons. XD

Chapter 1: People say that when you're scared you should reach out for help, but really that wasn't something so easy to do

o

o

"Gin-chan... I can do this myself, you should treat your own injuries already..."

"Yes, Gin-san. I could even help her out, so please leave this to–"

Almost robotically, Gintoki slapped away Shinpachi's hands as he continued to treat Kagura's hands. Or trying to treat her hands, that is. His left hand shook as he struggled to hold Kagura's hand firmly.

Kagura stared at Gintoki's injured wrist with worry. Earlier, Gintoki had torn a bit of cloth and tied it over the wound to stop the bleeding, but that was still far from a proper treatment. Yet now, instead of letting anyone tending to him, Gintoki only fussed over Shinpachi and her. As if he had no care about his own wellbeing. It worried her, this. This was not the way her big bro Gin-chan usually act. Yet nothing she or Shinpachi could do or say would reach him. Was there anyone who could–

"Gin-san? Shin-chan? Kagura-chan, are you guys here?"

Kagura's ears perked as she heard that familiar voice. She glanced up and looked around, as she caught sight of the older woman at the other side of the room.

"Boss sis! Over here! We're all over here!" she started to call out as Shinpachi also joined her to get his sister's attention.

xxx

The image kept coming back into his mind. That overly familiar smiling face. That overly familiar voice. That overly familiar gigantic presence. It's what often haunted his nightmares every one week or two. The only few times he could ever see him, aside from those other nightmares from the Joui wars as well as those old bloody memories from his childhood. Yet right now it wasn't a dream. He was still awake. Yet he wished that all of this was just another nightmare...

Go away!, he screamed inside his head as he treated the cut just above Kagura's right eye. Leave me alone!, he screamed again as he tried to focus his mind solely to tend to Kagura's injuries.

But even as he tried to divert his attention towards the cuts on Kagura's hands... the memories kept rushing in. All those little details he saw from that time that he barely took note, all of them started coming back to him with full clarity. Like some broken projector, it started replaying all of the memories of the past recollections without fail... regardless whether or not he wanted to see them again.

That moment when he came in contact with the man who called himself as Utsuro.

Gintoki felt himself shudder at the memory.

That man... was smiling. He was smiling when he rushed down to cut him! As if... that man's purpose there was just...

To see him.

"...you should be delighted, Shiroyasha. Your screams have finally reached the heavens..."

Did that person... came down because of him? Was that shot... a greeting by him to see if he was worthy of his attention? If not because of those other Naraku goons attacking him from behind and him reacting by instinct to use their bodies to shield himself from the blast, he could have really died.

Or was that... also another test from him? To see if he was indeed worthy of the leader of Tendoshuu's attention.

"Gin-chan... please stop? You should let someone treat your injuries... I could do this myself,"

He shook his head to brush off the bad thoughts from his mind but his hand kept shaking. His left hand.

Earlier he had used a torn piece of cloth to temporary stopped the bleeding on his wrist after they managed to escape from that man. He thought that it was enough. Rather than worrying about himself, he felt it was better to take care of Shinpachi and Kagura first. They were his charges, after all, As useless as he was, he still has to be responsible for the kids' safety. That was common sense... right?

Yet perhaps... that was not the only reasoning. Being a responsible adult, that is.

The truth is... he was trying to run away.

Staring at the slipshod bandage he placed on his wrist made him realize that. He was trying to run away from facing the reality that he'd finally come to face. That the truth he never thought he could finally find out now, end up to be something terrible. Even more terrible than he could ever imagine.

"What the hell were you before we met up...?"

"Who the hell are you?"

Kagura and Shinpachi started shouting over something but he could barely hear what they're shouting about. He felt his whole body becoming numb, the air around him becoming cold. He wished that this was just a bad nightmare, he wished for it so much...!

Did the child he used to be back then sensed how much a monster that person has been? Or did he not? Then again, even back then... he wasn't really quite a normal child himself. That child... that used to be called the 'Corpse-Eating Oni'...

Suddenly, he started realizing how his sight started to get blurry. Gintoki was still staring at Kagura's hand, still trying to get himself to start tending to the cut on her palm yet found himself dumbfounded. Without warning, Gintoki felt a warmth on his cheeks.

He glanced up.