Disclaimer:

High School DxD is a Japanese light novel series written by Ichiei Ishibumi and illustrated by Miyama-Zero. The Fate series is owned by Type-Moon. I do not own any of the characters mentioned from both series. The only things I own are the ideas that popped into my head for this story and whatever original characters I would create for the story.

My main muses come from Gabriel Blessing and Marcus Galen Sands, authors of great works themselves. This story is meant to be a work of pure fiction made solely for fun, constructive reviews will be welcomed, flames will be ignored. Any references to characters in real-life are purely coincidental and should not be taken seriously. If I could make money out of my ideas, it would be nice...

Root Damn It!

Published: December 31st 2017

Title: Maou Exorcists (Where Xenovia and Irina become Magical Girls)

Placement: Non-Canon Omake

Origin of Idea: worldwanderer 2.0

0-0-0-0

Xenovia suppressed a yawn as she changed the channels on the television set in the apartment, finding none of the shows appealing to her. Irina was by the table trying to read some books but was idly turning the pages with unfocused eyes, while Mitelt was sprawled on the sofa, lightly snoring as she drifted into dreamland, with a bit of drool trailing down the side of her mouth.

The three were having a rare lazy day because of the hot weather that was currently baking their apartment like an oven. All of them were dressed in loose sleeveless shirts and shorts or for Mitelt's case, frilly underwear, to try and stay cool in the apartment. It was not helping much for them; for Xenovia and Irina, having grown up in the cooler climates of Europe and training at the Vatican left them unprepared for the hot summers of Japan, while Mitelt has seldom been in the Asian side of the world, making this her first experience of the hot temperatures that were making them lethargic.

It also did not help that there was no one else to talk to currently. Griselda had forgone their usual training and went to the newly built church to try and occupy herself with tasks to help it get settled in the town. Shirou got dragged off by Azazel to help out with some type of monster hunting that was plaguing Italy and supposedly to try and built more relations with the magician, somewhat hampered by the escort of angels that kept following him around to make sure he was not attacked. Even the devils were currently in the underworld to prepare for their tournaments, and they do not have enough contacts from their academy.

It was utterly boring for the active girls.

"Ugh! I can't read in this weather!" Irina groaned before closing her book. "The words seem to be jumbling themselves together to form weird sentences that make no sense."

"And there is nothing on the tele to keep us occupied." Xenovia grunted as she turned the tv-set off. "And I am not really in the mood to train. This Japan Summer is nuts!"

"Maybe Mitelt has the right idea." Irina looked to the fallen angel who had shifted in her sleep and was now precariously balanced on the sofa. "We could try to sleep it off."

"You could try, but I don't think I can do the same." Xenovia got up from the couch and stretched widely, wincing slightly from the popping of her joints. She did not realize she had been stuck on the couch for that many hours. "How about the pool, should we visit it?"

"That would be nice, but I think everyone else in town would have the same idea." Irina shrugged with a wry smile. "I passed it the other day and I could not see past the gates with the long queues. And quite frankly, I am not sure if I want to go there with the guys staring at us. It kind of reminds me of the fighting school back home."

"True, I would be tempted to use Durandal on them." Xenovia snorted while recalling the few times she and the other female exorcists got together for a communal bath or to the nearby lake for a swim. It was a hassle having to deal with the male exorcists who seemed to take it as an invitation to barge into the area and feast their eyes on their naked bodies. The only thing they feasted upon was the cold edge of Durandal by Xenovia who was almost always chosen to be the guardian for the girls from the beginning before she got her turn when half of the group had finished and offered to take her place. Even here, it would seem that the males of the academy had the same issue when there were swimming lessons going on, courtesy of the Three Perverts, thus necessitating her reprisal of her role as guardian for her fellow course-mates and only getting her turn after they finished up and offered to take over.

Thankfully her current host had no such thoughts. Now that she thought about it, Xenovia could not help but wonder at the almost void pit of interest her host displayed towards the female body. The only reason she knew he was still affected was from his reactions towards them, the Sitri Peerage and Griselda's appearance when she arrived at the apartment garbed only in a towel. Perhaps he had more discipline than most males. That would be very commendable.

Though a part of her was thinking how he might react if she were to bring out that black swimsuit she bought recently...

'KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!'

The knocking on their apartment door broke her thoughts and she was somewhat thankful for both the hot weather and the fact Irina had turned to face the door to hide the blush on her cheeks when her mind conjured up a rather risqué image of her showing off to Shirou in the swimsuit.

"Coming!" Irina got up and went to open the door. "Oh! Welcome back Lady Griselda."

"Thank you for that." Griselda smiled as she entered the apartment while carrying a package that was a medium-sized cardboard box that took up both hands. "Has our host asked for a package to be delivered? This was left outside."

"I don't believe so." Irina answered after closing the door. "He was not expecting any this week, and we certainly did not order anything online."

"How about you, young Mitelt?" Griselda turned to the Fallen Angel who had woken up from the sounds and had just made her way to them with groggy steps.

"I doubt it. I did not order anything." Mitelt yawned as she stretched only to pause when she looked at the package, her eyes now devoid of sleepiness and narrowed in wary. "Wait a minute, something is wrong with that package."

"What?" Irina's remark got answered when the box suddenly shook, making Griselda drop it to the ground quickly and for everyone else to get into their stances, with Mitelt summoning a light spear while Xenovia called out Durandal.

"What is it you sensed?" Griselda asked as she passed a light blade handle to Irina.

"I am sensing some weird power coming from it. Two signatures." Mitelt answered tersely, the end of the spear pointing at the still shaking box. "There is something about it that is making my skin crawl."

"There is no return address from where I am standing." Irina said as she walked around it with a cursory eye.

"A trap for our host?" Griselda gave her opinion.

"In that case, it should get destroyed." Xenovia brandished her holy sword and increased the holy aura of the weapon. Holding it close to the opening, she looked to Mitelt who had her spear at the taped edges. Giving a nod, Mitelt used the pointed end to slit the tape off, but halfway through, she got interrupted by a voice.

"Hello to the people outside. Can you please open the damn box already? It is getting kind of hard to breathe in here."

Mitelt's spear halted roughly two-thirds of the way while they looked to the package with disbelief evident on their faces. The high-pitched voice came from the package before them. Did someone try to mail a child to them?

"Yes please, it would be preferable if you could speed the process up."

Griselda did a double take while taking a step back. A second voice came from the package, this one sounding a lot calmer but with a hint of annoyance.

"Who are you and why are you two in the box?" Mitelt asked out loud.

"Who are we you ask?" The box shook violently before it burst open, with one pink object flying out of it and twirling in the air before hovering in place. "We are the Destroyers of Worlds! The Oh-So-Powerful Bringers of Love, Justice and All Out Exasperation! I am the one and only amazing Kaleido-stick, Magical Ruby Chan!"

"And I am her sister, Magical Sapphire Chan. Pleasure to meet you all."

The one that wiggled in the air and in a manner no physical object should do so, was a pink stick with a head designed with a five-point star in the center of a white and gold ring with white wings at the sides which wiggled. In the now opened box, there was another stick with a dark blue coloring and with a head similar in design to the pink, the difference being a six-point star and a bow like design on the wing that gave the appearance of a blue butterfly. Said stick was actually bowing its head while greeting them.

"Err~ what?" Mitelt blinked at the sight of the two in front of her, with Irina and Xenovia mirroring her expressions. Only Griselda maintained a strict expression that was slightly marred by the twitching of her left eye. The pink one suddenly froze before pointing one of the wings at the exorcists. "You!"

"What?" Irina raised her hand to point at herself. "Me?"

"No, not you. The one with the big sword and likely a stick up her ass!" Ruby declared before moving close to Xenovia. "Hey there girly, I can sense the burning ambition inside you! Do you like power? Do you want to make the world a better place? Do you like to kick ass?"

"And what if I do?" Xenoia asked while cautiously raising her weapon at the very eccentric staff.

"Why my dear, you are in luck! I can give you all the power in the world to make your enemies bow before you, and shape the world to whatever you desire! Best part, it is a simple contract that will allow you to access my full power within a week. So, what do you say? Wanna work together? Hmm? Hmm! HMPH?!" The stick got uncomfortably close to Xenovia with the wings flapping suggestively.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I will not be working with you." Xenovia spoke as she took a step back and waved her hand to knock away the offending item in question. As tempting as it sounded, she was not sure if she could handle such an annoyance that ignored personal space and being very disrespectful.

Unfortunately, the staff had other ideas as it flew forward at high speeds and attached itself to her hand.

"Oh~ I knew you would agree with me!" Ruby let out a rather devious chuckle as Xenovia attempted to pry the staff out of her hand to no avail. "Right then, let's get started!"

"Unhand my daughter, you devious staff!" Griselda stepped forward only to bounce off from the pink energy being unleashed from Ruby who merely chuckle while it glowed brightly.

"I must apologize for my sister, she tends to go on a tangent every now and then." The others turned to the blue staff who was now hovering near them. "And now I need to apologize for another bit."

"Which is?" Irina stepped back in fear as Sapphire turned to look at her.

"I too need a contractor at the moment, and from where I am standing, you are the best one of the lot." Before she could react, the blue staff did the same thing and attached itself to her hand. "Again, my apologies."

"Less apologizing and more changing of the world with lyrical-grade pink and blue destruction! MUHAHAHAHAH!" Ruby let out a maniacal laugh as the pink energy started to spread onto Xenovia's hand and up her arm. Despite her best attempts to remove it, Xenovia could only look on in fear as the energy started to spread across her body.

"Wait, stop this instant! NOOOOO!"

=()=

"Shirou, what's up?" Azazel turned to face me with a raised eyebrow just as we stepped off the magic circle that brought us back from the three days of Italy.

"I felt a disturbance in the air." I looked around us with a wary eye. "It is as though a million voices cried out in terror before they got snuffed out. And there is an odd energy floating around the area." I looked back to Azazel with a grim look. "I fear something terrible has happened."

"You sure it is not the ravioli we had acting up?" Azazel patted his stomach as he looked down. "I swear they put the weirdest meats inside those dumplings at that restaurant."

"I don't think so." I tapped my foot as I spread my senses outwards, trying to sense the oddly familiar feeling I had. "Maybe I need to check back home just in case."

"Okay, we might as well come along." Azazel spoke while jabbing his thumb at the small contingent of angels not too far away from us. "I know they would be happy that you will be back at your apartment and doubly so when I leave you alone."

I nodded to him, and with a quick application of the teleportation spell by Azazel, we were soon back in the general area near my apartment.

And immediately from the get-go, him, me and the contingent of angels knew something was very wrong. The air around us seemed to be teeming with an unusual energy that felt oddly familiar and it was coming from the building where the others were staying. With a quick step around the corner, I found myself agreeing with Azazel's comment about the food.

"What the?" Azazel blinked as we watched what looked to be pink sheep crossing the road with weird looking pigs with thunder-bolt shaped tails trailing behind them. I turned to find some of the angels gaping at the trees spouting bubbles out of the flowers and what looked to be caricatures of Jimmy the Cricket dancing around one of the apartments. Looking up, I spotted what looked to be cats and dogs flying about in the air, with a color scheme that made me think of Van Garde Artwork.

"Shirou, save us!"

I spun around to find Ise and the other two perverts of the academy being chased by what looked to be an entire legion of Koneko rushing after him like a tsunami of vengeance, some armed with the training kendo swords, others with finger-less gloves, but all had a rather disturbing look of glee as Ise ran past me and I had to flatten myself against the wall to avoid getting trampled. It was sometime after the last Rook clone went past us with a nasty looking pitchfork that Azazel, I and the angels dared to move from our spots and stared at the stampede.

"Okay, what was that?" One of the angels spoke out loud with an incredulous expression.

"Something I wished I have my camera with me." Azazel replied with a hand scratching his chin. I shook my head and looked back to my apartment. Whatever the energy was, the origin was certainly back there. With a nod, I made my way to the back where there was an empty plot of grass and more importantly, an emergency staircase for the upper levels.

Before I or the others could go up, someone interrupted us.

"Shirou, need some help here!" Mitelt came in front of us dressed in what had to be the most brightly colored tutu she would ever wear in her lifetime. The amount of pink on her clothes was enough to make my eyes water, and the big ribbon that was tied into a bow behind her back clashed so badly with her grumpy expression that I barely stopped the snort that wanted to come out of my mouth. Azazel however had no such qualms and proceeded to laugh his head off while clutching his stomach, and some of the angels turned around to stifle their laughter, their shaking shoulders indicating their amusement.

"It is not funny!" She yelled at them before turning to me. "I am betting that package is your fault, because how else can two talking sticks do this much mess?!" That removed the smirk from my face.

"Did you say two sticks?" I asked while my eye started to twitch.

"Indeed." The voice of the senior exorcist made me turn around only to do a full 360 and faced the apartment with my cheeks burning from the sight of Griselda dressed in those slave space girl outfits from those science fiction movies, and it did not help my heart or my currently raging hormones that she really filled out the costume in all the right places. I was doubly grateful that there were no buildings or windows facing the backyard otherwise it would be very hard to explain this to the landlord.

Before me, the few female angels of the security group were berating and forcefully turning the male angels away from the sight that was making their wings flicker between white and gray. Azazel on the other hand had no qualms and openly leered with a mischievous light in his eyes. With a twitch and a quick projection, I proceeded to unleash the might of the Torai-shinai on his head.

"Griselda, what happened here, and do you require something else to wear?" I asked after giving the governor a few good wracks to the head.

"I am fine for now, though it would be nice to have a quick change of clothes soon." The exorcist calmly remarked while adjusting her cloth that was secured to the waist, showing off her very long and slender legs that made one draw their attention to her waist and the tempting valley when she bent over. "But I believe that the issue in question may have something to do with your background as a magician."

"Magus, and it involves two sticks as Mitelt said?" I motioned with my thumb.

"Yes." Griselda paused as she looked up. "I believe you can get your answers from them right now." I turned to where she was looking at and froze on the spot, my fears having been realized on the confirmation.

Crud.

"Hello~ Shirou my lad! How have you been?" The crazy staff crackled as Xenovia flew in wielding her while dressed in a magical girl outfit with lots of frills and pink ribbons that seriously clashed heavily with her personality, I actually blinked and rubbed my eyes to make sure I was not seeing things. "I have returned from yonder~

"And I have arrived as well." My horror increased as I watched Sapphire with Irina in a rather scandalous blue outfit that left little to imagination and one that I was glad Ise was not around to see. "Sorry to drop in uninvited, Mr Emiya."

"This was in the package they were in." Griselda held up a note which I took with a bit of hesitation. With a deep breath, I looked at the words before dropping to my knees and releasing the paper, letting it flutter to the ground.

"My Lord, is something the matter?" One of the angels came to my side with a confused expression while Azazel looked at the note with a raised eyebrow.

'Hey there, Shirou. Took a while to find you, but I have done so. Listen, I will be out of town for a while, please look after the two for me okay? From your ever-so-loving troll master of pranks, Zelretch.'

"Who is Zelretch?" Azazel and the rest turned to me with question marks evident above them. Before I could answer, a magic circle bearing the crest of the Sitri Clan appeared near us and in a flash of light, a certain Maou Shojou appeared with a staff of her own.

"What is this? There are other magical girls in So-tan's area!" Serafall raised her staff and directed them at the twin exorcists with a defiant look. "That would not do, there can be only one Magical Girl in this town!"

"Oh yeah? Well you ain't got anything on us!" Ruby said as Xenovia and Irina got into a pose while giving Victory Signs with their fingers, the embarrassment and grimaces on their faces evident to all. "You shall witness the power of Magicial Girl Xenovia and Irina, and we will kick your ass back to the netherworld where you will regret trying to play cosplay!"

This was too much for me. With that in mind, I took a deep breath, and let out my frustrations with these words.

"DAMN YOU ZEEELLLLREEETTCCCHH!"

0-0-0-0

===== Author's Notes =====

Hey there, everyone! Remember when I said that I got something planned before the new year? Well here it is. This is my DFW Omakes / Short Stories!

I got a few comments by some of the readers and got some interesting inputs. This was more or less realized after talking with Parks98 when he suggested quite a few ideas. This in particular was suggested by another avid reader named worldwanderer 2.0, so I hope I have done justice to the idea. This is after all my first attempt at writing pure humor and an omake.

As you can see, I will be labeling the stories either as canon or non-canon to my main story, so expect some weirdness. If you guys have some ideas, you can comment or PM me and I will try my best to write them out.

And I put my pen down for now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!