Warning: Rated M as usual.

Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story and this is applicable for this entire story and the series.

CHAPTER ONE

I was sitting in the living room, watching my brother converse with the cops. His wife was in hysterics. When she wasn't crying and screaming at him, she was pacing in the kitchen, muttering to herself. I knew that she blamed him for what happened and me, as well.

This was supposed to be a happy day. While my niece was still too young to join us, John and I were going to take Holden to the amusement park. This was one of his only days off and he wanted to spend as much of it as he could with his children.

We were there for hours and Holden was beginning to complain that his feet were tired, so we thought the carousel would be a good fun and resting place for him. When John had to take a call during the ride, I had my eyes on him the entire time or… I did whenever he spun back towards us.

He waved at me with each revolution, but near the end of the ride as it was slowing down, he had suddenly disappeared. He wasn't on his horse, anymore. I ran around the attraction, calling his name, but I couldn't see him anywhere.

"Holden?" I heard John call out. "Holden?!"

I ran back to him. The panic on my face was enough to confirm his fears. "John…"

"Didn't you have your eyes on him?!" he shouted.

"I did!" I told him. "I was watching him the entire time, but then… He was just gone. I don't know how!"

"Then you couldn't have watched him properly!" he growled. "No one is able to just vanish! He must've run off or someone fuckin' took him!" He ran his hand angrily through his hair.

"I'm sorry, John. I swear… It's as if he just disappeared into thin air!" Tears began to cloud my vision as the dread continued to eat at me. Images of a broken blonde boy being tortured or killed flooded my mind. "I didn't mean to lose him…" I had to cover my face to hide from the stares from all around us.

He rubbed his eyes. "No, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have been talking on my phone. Maybe if I had been on the other side…"

"Or maybe he just went back to the games?" I suggested, hoping that that had been the case. Holden had been enamoured by the large stuffed animals, but neither John nor I were skilled enough to win one for him. Perhaps he had gone back there.

We searched the grounds until the sun began to set. Every personnel were informed of the missing child, but eventually, we had to accept that he wasn't there, anymore.

Telling Alex had been the hardest thing I had to do, but I knew that John wouldn't have been able to do it. He was frantically calling his friends and coworkers, seeing if there was anyone who could help us find Holden.

The police came quickly and they issued a BOLO to all the other officers, but there hadn't been much more they could do. There was no trace of who had taken him or whether he was even kidnapped. Holden had simple disappeared.

From that day on, John and Alex's relationship began to crumble. I would frequently get calls from him, asking for advice or just to lend an ear. He'd bury himself in work and would sometimes crash over at my place when the strain became too much.

Other than provide moral support, I really didn't know how to help him. He was my big brother. He had gotten me out of all sorts of messes before, but now that he needed me, I didn't know how to help him.

"Here." I placed a cup of hot camomile tea in front of him.

"You know I like coffee more. This is going to knock me out," he groaned, leaning his head back against the couch.

I sat down beside him. "That is precisely why you're not getting any coffee and you're going to drink this entire mug. You need rest. You look as if you haven't slept in days."

He shot me a look, showing me that I was right on point. "I keep seeing him in my dreams. He'd be calling out for me to help him, but he'd be gone before I could get to him. I can't keep reliving that."

"You still need to sleep, John," I said. "It's the stress that is making you dream about him all the time. If you sleep properly, you'll have a clearer mind to work on your cases. You'll have a clearer mind to find him. Come on, when have I ever steered you wrong?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and I grinned back. Whenever the two of us got into trouble as children, it was usually my fault and he'd always be there trying to keep me from killing myself. I would have him take me to the park and end up breaking my leg falling down a tree. I'd steal his bike and narrowly miss getting hit by a car. No, I did get hit, but walked away with only a few scratches. The bike, however, was a lost cause.

Most of the time, he'd get the brunt of the blame, being the older one, but he'd never truly get angry at me. Time and time again, he'd keep me safe from myself. I really wanted to watch out for him, even if it's just this one time.

"Go to bed, John," I urged him, again.

With a sigh, he drained the cup and followed me up to the guest bedroom. "I've washed all the dirty clothes you left behind last time. Make sure to at least throw them into the laundry basket before you leave. I hate having to pick up your dirty shit on the floor."

He grinned back tiredly at me. "No promises." Just like that, he slammed the door shut in my face.

The nerve!

That was the last time I saw him that year. Alex had called me multiple times, asking if he was over at my place. I lied at first to cover for him because I knew that he was still safe. He had answered my calls whenever I rang him. His excuses were always that he was busy with work. As long as he was alright, I really didn't care what he was doing.

From his tone, I knew that something was wrong. I went down to the police station and bumped into Detective Hahn. "Andy!" I called out to him.

He turned to me with a smile. 'Miss Lowe, what a pleasant surprise. How may I help you?"

"I'm just looking for John. Have you seen him?" I asked, looking around as if I was going to spot him behind one of the desks.

He gave me an apologetic look. "I thought he told you."

"Told me what?"

"He's taken the next three months off and he'll be re-evaluated when he comes back," he quietly said, leaning down to me, knowing that it was probably more information than I was supposed to know from him.

I bit my lips. "Do you know where he's gone?"

"Sorry, can't help you there. He never said anything to me." With a nod of his head, he went back to work.

What was John doing? Why hadn't he told me anything? I should never have been so compliant with his wishes. He had never been the same after Holden went missing.

As soon as I left the station, I dialed his number. On the third ring, he picked up. "Madison?"

"Hey, John. Is there something you're not telling me?" I was walking back to my car, ruffling through my bag to get the keys out.

"What do you mean?" he asked. I could hear glass clinking in the background and a deep, sultry voice.

"Where are you? I was just talking to Andy. Why didn't you tell me that you're taking a three month sabbatical?" I demanded, irritated that he had kept it from me.

He sighed. "I didn't want you to worry."

"Where are you, John?" I asked, again, throwing my bag into the passenger seat. "Tell me!"

There was a moment of silence before he mumbled a reply.

Hotel Cortez.

I had to search up the name on my phone to find the address. It was some old hotel with poor reviews. Why on Earth would he go there of all places?

"I'll see you soon, John." I hung up just as he began to protest.

When I finally arrived at the rundown building, I let out a groan, wondering if I was going to have to scrub myself down after touching anything here. But I had to do this for him. I was either going to successfully convince him to go back with me or I was going to join him in this madness. I didn't want to have to answer the phone or door one day to see a police officer tell me that he had killed himself in some dinky hotel!

When I entered the lobby, I found that it was actually quite beautiful inside. It was old and had a musky scent, but there was a sort of charm to it.

"Can I help you?" a bored voice reached me.

I looked over to the receptionist desk to find an aging woman with grey hair and large, round glasses. Her lips were set to a grim line as she stared back at me.

"Well?"

Walking over to her, I set my bag gently on the corridor. "I'm looking for my brother, John Lowe. He told me that he was here."

"Oh? Did he?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "Any ID? We don't allow just anyone to walk around in here."

I was sure that even with ID, they weren't allowed to tell me if he was around, but I was hoping that this lady would be kind of enough to let it go, so I placed my driver's license on the table for her to see and silently waited for her response.

"Well, Madison Lowe, let me just go call around to see where he is," the receptionist, Iris, slowly moved to the phone, but I stopped her.

"Can you just show me to the bar? He's probably there, right now." Every second here was a waste of my time. This place didn't feel right. It felt as if there were eyes everywhere watching me, but Iris and I were the only ones in the lobby.

"Very well," she sighed before giving me the directions.

I quickly walked through the corridor and immediately spotted the head of dark hair. A glass was in his hand. He quickly threw back the shot. "John."

He turned to me and gestured to the seat beside him.

"I'm not here to drink. I want you to come back with me." I was now standing beside him with my arms crossed. The waft of alcohol made me crinkle my nose.

He didn't reply. Instead, he had the bald bartender refill the glass.

"John! You're going to give yourself alcohol poisoning and your problems still won't go away," I snapped. 'Don't you know that there are people worried about you? You can't just disappear, hoping that everything will miraculously resolve themselves in a few months!"

Slamming the empty glass down, he finally looked at me, again. "What else am I going to do? My entire life has gone to shit. I lost Holden. Alex can't even look at me in the eyes, anymore. I can't even focus on work!"

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Then, come stay with me like you always do. You know that I don't mind. I'd rather that I know you're safe than have to search around for you, wondering if someone is going to find you in some storm drain, some morning."

"I'm not leaving," he adamantly stated. "I need a place to think. I need… I need somewhere that won't remind me of – of him." His blue eyes became clouded with tears. "When I'm here, I can finally start forgetting what I've done."

"John… It's not your fault and I'm as much to blame as you, but I'm sure that someone must've taken him. That is who we should place more of our blame on. Not ourselves." But there was no getting to him, so I was going to have to resort to my backup plan. "Fine! If you're going to stay here, then so will I."

With that, I stormed back to my car and retrieved my packed suitcase. The fresh air at the parking lot was great, but I was going to endure the hotel for him.

"Our rooms are all full!" Iris shouted at me as I strutted back in. When I passed by, I dangled the keys I had swiped at her.

"Don't worry. I've got it taken care of." I went up the elevator to the sixth floor and walked right into his room. It was an absolute mess, like usual. There were clothes and paper everywhere. For someone who always looked so prim and proper, he was a closet slob.

I rolled my eyes, slowly picking up after him as I always did. Honestly, he'd drown in his own filth if ever had to live on his own.

Half an hour later, there were angry knocks at the door. "Madison!"

With a smirk, I swung the door open. "Brother Dearest," I greeted him. "Don't you have your keys? Did you manage to lose them? That's very careless of you."

He snatched the key that was dangling from my finger. "Stop doing that!" He froze as soon s he took a look at his, now, organized room. "And stop touching my things!"

I huffed, closing the door and turned to him. "Maybe if you picked up after yourself, I wouldn't have to! Besides, you've never complained before!"

He plopped down on the bed, looking tiredly at me. "There's no getting rid of you, is there?"

Shaking my head, I took a seat beside him. 'You need someone here with you. With nothing to occupy your time, I'm worried that something w-will happen to you. I can't lose you, John."

It had been hard losing our parents. Mother died of a car accident and father's smoking finally caught up to him. He had to go through radiation several times over the course of ten years before he finally gave up. It had been so hard letting them go.

I still stayed in their house, while John managed to afford his own place after he became engaged to Alex. He had been so happy, then. Everything had gone so well for him… Until we lost Holden.

Despite what I kept trying to convince John, there were nights where I still blamed myself - the countless 'what ifs.' It was an endless spiral of what could've been and what could never be.

"It's getting dark," he sighed. "You might as well stay here. I won't have you travelling at night here. It's not safe."

"I wasn't planning on leaving, anyway," I told him before getting up to use the bathroom. "Don't expect me out for at least an hour."

"Go knock yourself out." He fell back on to the bed with his eyes closed. Hopefully, he was going to actually have some decent rest, tonight. The nightmares had never stopped. Whenever he stayed over at my place, I'd hear him cry out at night. No matter how many times I told him that whatever stupid concoction I gave him was going to help, we both knew that they never did. He went along with them anyway because he knew that I was going to nag him until he did as I said.

I sat in the bathtub of nicely warmed water and allowed my muscles to finally relax. What was I going to do? We couldn't stay here forever. Maybe John was going to eventually leave this place and return home, whichever one he wanted to go back to.

"Well, what do we have here? You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?" My eyes snapped open as I heard the male voice speak in a strange accent. When I looked around, I saw no one was around me. Was I hearing things?

I quickly got out of the tub and dried off, suddenly feeling eyes on me, again. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. There was no one there. None was watching me, except me.

I left the steamy bathroom to find that John was already beneath the covers, fast asleep. At the moment, he seemed so peaceful, but I knew that this wasn't going to last. The nightmares would come and then, neither of us would have any sleep for the rest of the night.

"Good night, John," I whispered, turning off the light. My only reply was a particularly loud snore that made me smile.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Happy (early) New Year! Happy Holidays!

I'm still trying to figure out where I want this story to go, but while I was writing this first chapter, I was actually quite excited and happy about it. Now, I'm a little nervous whether you guys will like it or not. I hope you will!