Seventeen hours and a jet leg later Liza fixes herself some coffee, quietly moving about in the apartment. For some reason Maggie is sleeping just fine while Liza couldn't even doze for a few minutes. Her mind is on overdrive because - God. Josh is married. She keeps on saying it to herself again and again. Josh is now a married man, staying in Ireland for a couple of weeks until he and Clare will come back to the States and face Immigration. And Charles is very likely reconciling with Pauline. Whenever she thinks of the GMA snippet it hits Liza. Maybe she shouldn't have pushed Charles away, pushed him towards his wife whenever he had said that her return doesn't change anything for him, doesn't change his feelings for her - whatever they are.

As soon as they had stepped off the plane Liza had checked her phone for another call or a text, but it seemed Charles hadn't tried to further contact her. For the past few hours she had tried to sleep unsuccessfully, her thumbs have typed at least four messages but then she had stalled and well…nerves had gotten in the way, so Liza had decided to delete every single one instead of hitting ‚send'.

Oh, the irony of it all. First she had been completely torn between two men, had self-sabotaged the relationship with Josh, which she then realized wasn't only sabotage but actual feelings for Charles and now… well, now there is no decision left to be made. Josh is married and history and Charles is back to playing house with Pauline.

She grabs her coffee and her phone, plopping down on the sofa, exhaling audibly. Opening her chat with Charles once more she stops to think for a moment, then starts typing again.

LIZA 4:21 AM

Just wanted to let you know I'm back from Ireland. Have seen you've called. Anything of importance? How was GMA?

She closes her eyes and quickly hits ‚send' before she can change her mind. The regret is instant and Liza drowns in it.

„Shit, shit, shit," she scolds herself. She will probably see him in a few hours at the office anyway and who sends a text message to their boss at this unholy hour? She decides that she is going to blame jet lag and residual alcohol. Neither would be a lie. She almost shrieks as the three dots appear. He's awake, probably because his phone had woken him up, which would mean she has woken him up. „Shit." Yes, her rhetorics are a mean weapon this morning.

CHARLES 4:23 AM

Have you seen it? Not my idea. How was Ireland?

There's a beep with the incoming text from Charles and Liza's heart leaps. Not his idea? Liza isn't sure what that is supposed to mean. She pulls her legs up and purses her lips, trying to think of how to respond.

LIZA 4:24 AM

Ireland has been… eventful. My ex got married. What wasn't your idea, GMA?

CHARLES: 4:27 Am

Wow. GMA was supposed to be just Pauline promoting the book, none of the rest was planned. I never wanted anyone to think we're reconciling. I was supposed to stay backstage.

Now it all made a little more sense to Liza. He had looked surprised and uncomfortable as the hosts and studio audience invited him to the stage, had cheered for him to make an appearance. Maybe he hadn't known what to do or couldn't quite measure the ramifications of his outing on national TV. Maybe he had felt too put on the spot to refuse.

LIZA 4:28 AM

You never wanted anyone to think you're reconciling or didn't want anyone to know?

She feels bold but mainly she needs some clarification so her thoughts can stop swirling in two different directions. Ultimately she has no right to ask any of this, when it comes down to it his marriage and what he is going to do about it is none of her business. But.

CHARLES 4:30 AM

Can I call you?

In an instant Liza's heart beats faster. Whatever he needs to say to answer her question might take more explaining than could be done in a text message.

LIZA 4:31 AM

Sure

The cellphone starts ringing within seconds of Liza sending the message and she picks up on the first ring, feeling oddly unbalanced.

„Hey," she says and his voice, calm and maybe a little groggy, filters through the phone.

„Hey," he says back, reveling in the sound of her. He realizes he's missed her although she had only been gone for three, four days. „It's good to hear you."

Liza smiles and relaxes into the cushions. For some reason the words make her heart calm, make everything calm within her.

„So… erm… I'm sorry if my text has woken you up," she apologizes.

„It hasn't. Been a rough night," Charles assures her. He had tossed and turned for the better part of the night, probably dozed off a few times, but he hadn't gotten actual sleep.

„For me too. Jet lag."

„Ah, right." He tries to think of what to say, to find his footing. Diana hadn't mentioned a wedding, only that Liza had gone to Ireland to chase her ex. „So Ireland, huh?"

„Yeah. It was nice. The landscape I mean."

„And the wedding, too I suppose?" Charles wants to believe he is being smooth but probably he sounds pathetic. Flirting has never come like a natural thing to him, it always felt a little stiff, a little standoffish to Charles. It probably is the reason that with Diana he never knows if she's trying to come on to him in ill-attempted flirts or if he's misreading the way she acts and talks when they are alone.

„The wedding in itself was really nice, yes. It's just that… they haven't been together for very long, you know?"

„So, you weren't chasing after your ex?" It's out before he knows it and he certainly can't take it back, his face screwing up as he hears himself.

"Erm no, why would you think that? He asked me to come and so I did, I mean… trying to be supportive and all that." And stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life so far, Liza added in thought. But that would probably sound like she still had more than an amicable interest in Josh.

„Oh, nowhere. Just something Diana said but I didn't know the trip involved a wedding. She just said you're…" Charles tried to come up with a reasonable explanation and quick. „… in Ireland with your ex-boyfriend."

„Well, technically that would be correct," Liza agrees with a soft but insecure laugh. Everything about this conversation felt like they were both awkwardly stumbling.

For a moment there is thick silence, the seconds tick by as neither of them seems to know what to say, where to take this conversation until Charles jumps in.

„About your question… we're not. Reconciling, I mean." He wants her to know this, because Pauline moving back into the house is one thing, a possible reconciliation however is a very different matter. And Charles isn't positive that his wife will stay at the house for long, because things start to become clearer for him. Not even the kids will benefit from the current atmosphere in their home. He tries to be accommodating and not shut down, not shut Pauline out completely, but he doesn't find even footing. There are moment he feels emotionally pressured or even exploited and his hands are tied, there's little he can do about it. He keeps her at a distance to not let the underlying anger and insecurities crawl to the surface and get the better of him.

Although relieved, Liza still has strong feelings on it all. She doesn't want to be the other woman or even someone to stand in the way of a family. That is not her, not the kind of person she ever wants to be. The majority of her life is a lie at this point but she wants to believe she still has some values.

„Look, Charles… I want to honest here, I'm… there's this part of me that is glad to hear it and the part that keeps thinking: What are you even doing here? I understand…" She takes a breather and stops herself, and it's these moments that are incredibly hard, because she can never say what she truly wants to, constantly has to think everything through to avoid slipping up. „I think I understand how important family is and that none of this can be easy. I… I don't want to stand in the way. I don't want to be the reason you don't give Pauline a chance."

He hears her and thinks about this, but it doesn't feel like he is doing what he's doing because of Liza. „That's not it at all, Liza. I'm not saying you aren't on my mind because clearly you are. But you are not the reason. Pauline left me. That's the one thing. But she also left the girls and I've heard her out, I've read the book, and it's not that I can't understand her motives or that I'm not sympathetic to the way she felt but she had options." He has never talked to anybody about this in depth, not even to Pauline. „If she needed more space, more time to herself, if she wanted to write again, even a novel - she could have. She could have gotten even more help with the kids, she could have rented a place to write, she could have taken the freedom to travel some on her own. She could have talked to me, we could have discussed it. Instead she simply told me she couldn't breathe anymore and took off to L.A. and said she knows I'm going to take good care of our girls and that was it." Of course Liza knew all this, everyone who had read ‚Marriage Vacation' at this point knew. „I don't see a way to recover from it as a couple. As an individual maybe, I think I might have forgiven her to some extent and I want her around for the kids, because they love Pauline and deserve to have their mother in their lives. For me there is just no way back. I think the moment I've allowed myself acceptance of the situation I've let her go."

„Okay," Liza says softly, nodding to herself. It is the first time that she gets an understanding of how Charles must have felt when Pauline walked out of his life and that his boundaries had been crossed. That it isn't actually her who's standing in anyone's way. The marriage has simply run its course long before Pauline had resurfaced.

„I wanted to tell you this before but it's been hard for me to… I think I needed some time to realize it myself first. And then, whenever I tried, not in so many words, but I've really tried to the best of my abilities, I had a feeling that you were pushing me away and closing the door on us - not that there's an us… I just.."

„I know what you mean," Liza assures. „And I did. Try to push you… away or towards Pauline, I suppose. You are technically still married and I've become close with her, you know? And she really wants to make this right somehow and I felt like I've been catapulted into the middle of all this."

„And for that I am genuinely sorry, Liza. I never meant for you to be dragged into my messes. I haven't been very fair sometimes, I'm not… when it comes to this, I haven't handled it well."

„I think that's understandable, it has been a difficult situation for…everyone." The atmosphere in the office had definitely shifted with Pauline's return and her novel. She couldn't fathom how hard it must have been for Charles to rise above all the personal problems to go ahead and publish ‚Marriage Vacation'. It had put him on the spot, everyone at Empirical got glimpses at his life, on things deeply private. In the end it had been a business decision because, and Liza is convinced of this, it would have been a matter of time until another house would have gone for the story. The ramifications and humiliation would probably have been much greater for both Charles and Empirical.

„I'd still like to… get a chance to see what this thing between you and me is, where it could go," Charles admits, feeling like all he does is stammer stutters. „Lately it seemed we never got the chance to talk. Really talk, I mean. And I know from a professional point of view that you and me… it's not entirely right but…"

Liza closes her eyes and bites her lip. It wasn't right at all.

„And your age… I… You see, I don't want you think I'm that kind of person who's chasing after young girls," he says, then quickly clarifies. „Not that I think you're a girl, obviously you are a woman. But I'm still what… twenty years your senior and…" God, he really feels stupid telling her he doesn't want to come off like an old guy taking advantage of a much younger employee when it is exactly what he is. A fact that he can't even argue with. „I don't think I make much sense right now, do I?"

It hits Liza then that the complications not only arise because Liza is lying to pretty much everyone to keep her job but that it also messes with Charles' head. Starting a physical and romantic relationship with an employee is a tricky thing either way but for someone who's running a company to take an interest in a much younger assistant. It simply doesn't look good, will be frowned upon and the outcry will hit Charles much harder than it will Liza. Unless people would paint her a slut, trying to climb her way up the career ladder, which is a very real possibility as well. If she wants to pursue any kind of personal relationship with Charles, she will have to end this charade. She should have learned her lesson after her relationship with Josh after all.

„That's… erm... there's definitely some things that I would like to discuss with you. I've been meaning to talk to you for awhile." But it doesn't feel right to do it over the phone, it is too impersonal. „Not over the phone, though." And probably not at the office, either.

„I'll think of something to give us the... right setting to talk. If there is such a thing."

„Good, erm… okay. So, I'll see you later then?"

„Yeah, I'll be in around ten for a meeting."

„That sounds good." It sounds pathetic.

„So, I'll see at the office. Bye Liza," Charles says softly before he hangs up a little too quickly, closing his eyes, wondering if he has just created a whole new monster.

…

To be continued