A/N: This fic is for the Dauntlessly-Eris 2017 Holiday event. You can find others in the event on the Dauntlessly-Eris FF forums, on AO3, or linked on the Dauntlessly-Eris tumblr. Please enjoy!

Now

I paid a whole month's salary to get the bottle that sat on top of my filing cabinet. Richards' damn cat tried to knock it down more than once, sniffing and batting at the freshly printed label. She didn't know any better, but that didn't mean I was going to let her break it.

Those who knew about the tradition smiled when they saw it sitting there. Others raised an eyebrow and muttered in the breakroom about how maybe Leaders should get their salaries rolled back a tick. It didn't bother me. Maybe years ago I would have thrown my weight around and called them out on not properly respecting Leadership. I had mellowed.

Six Years Ago

"I've got a surprise for our shift," I said.

Tris' eyes lit up like stars when I pulled the bottle of whiskey out from my bag. The sun hung low in the afternoon sky, its heat non-existent in the wake of the cold wind that was whipping to life. "You did not buy a whole bottle for us," she laughed.

Her hands grabbed for the whiskey. I let her flip it over while I dug around for our thermoses. We had been assigned the evening watch at Amity's train station as part of her post-Initiation training. It was overkill to have me assigned as her partner, but, hey, it paid to be the man in charge sometimes. Otherwise how else would I get to carve out the time to spend with my girlfriend? The city had shuddered and staggered its way through Erudite's failed coup. Now we were in a lull, waiting to see where the next bout of chaos would come from.

"We can't drink this on duty though," Tris insisted. Her shoulders - what I could see of them through her heavy coat - drooped. "That'd be really irresponsible."

I snorted and passed her thermos over. "It's cold out. Alcohol warms you up," I countered. "Besides, it's the middle of the holidays. No one's got time to stir up trouble when there's merrymaking going on."

Tris wasn't convinced. Her head tilted as she handed me the bottle rather than opening it for herself. "First off, 'merrymaking?' Are we in a classics novel? And secondly, I can't be drunk if they do spot-checks."

The cap snapped as I broke the seal. I tugged one glove off to keep from dropping the glass bottle. The air wasn't unbearably cold, but it would be once the sun dropped off. It was already half gone now. I waved for Tris to open her thermos and poured a generous portion of the whiskey in.

"I'm not going to get you drunk," I countered. "That's later." Her wry smile still wasn't entirely convinced, but she did take a sip of her spiked coffee.

"Can't believe you're wasting good whiskey like this," she teased.

Now

The clock ticked on and on the entire day. I struggled with the urge to throw it into the hall and settled for flipping it over onto its face. Kyle dragged his chair into my office to eat with me at one point. I think he was trying to help in his own way, acting as chief distraction from the waiting.

"Holiday is such a clingy time," he laughed. "Everyone wants to see you even when all you want to do is just enjoy the days off in the privacy of your own apartment."

I gave him a look over the top of my computer monitor. "I already have plans," I said for the eighth time today.

He nodded. "Sure you do. But if things change, Rich has been feeling pretty clingy. You should come up to our floor. No family bullshit, just friends."

"And if I just want to 'enjoy the time off in the privacy of my own apartment?'" I threw his words back at him.

Kyle's eyebrow shot into the stratosphere. "Well that's a horribly boring way to spend Holiday," he replied wryly.

Five Years Ago

She'd never had a real Holiday. One without spending the entire two days out in the streets handing out coats, scarves, and canned meat. In a rare moment of true selfishness, we spent the first day in bed or on the couch curled up in one another's arms.

"So this is what a day off feels like," Tris sighed around three o clock.

I flipped the weekly report from Erudite down to look at her. Her favorite spot was on the other side of the couch, her legs crossed over mine. She'd fallen asleep an hour ago and looked like an angel even as she rubbed away a spot of drool. "And it only took two weeks of twelve hour days to carve out the time," I replied. Still, her smile was - as always - infectious.

Tris flicked me on the shoulder as she sat up. "Be back in a minute," she managed between jaw-breaking yawns. There was a mischievous look to her eyes that I feigned ignorance of. When I heard her quietly snap the front door shut behind me, I surged to my feet.

Hiding gifts from Tris was practically impossible. The gear closet was no good; between her tactical pack and my gym bag, we were both in and out of there too many times a week to hide anything. I only had so many drawers and they were stuffed with clothes from shifting my wardrobe around to accommodate her moving in. One day I'd get around to requisitioning a second dresser but until then, I'd settled for hiding her Holiday present in the tiny, unused freezer section of our mini-fridge.

Prying open the hatch gave me a small heart attack as the frost had once again tried to overtake the freezer. A second yank wrenched it free and let me breathe again. I'd wrapped her present the day I'd bought it,just in case she had looked around to find it.

The box chilled my back as I shoved it behind me on the couch. I only had a few seconds to grab the report I had been reading when I heard Tris opening the door again. My wide smile returned as she covered my eyes with her hand.

"Put that down. I've got a Holiday gift for you," she ordered.

"So demanding now that you've got your stripes. You know that's a turn-on for me," I said, dropping my voice low.

Tris giggled and I could picture how red her ears were getting. Still, I threw the report back onto the coffee table and held out my hands expectantly. Cool glass met my fingertips. "Okay, now you can look," Tris said. When I opened my eyes, her hand was gone and I was holding a bottle of whiskey identical to the one I'd brought her last year.

"You have no idea how hard it was to find that," she gushed. "The normal liquor store was out of anything from that small of a batch. I had to use Kyle's contacts. He said they only make it every other year, I guess. Had to buy it from some real grump of a Candor."

I put the bottle on the table and pulled her around the arm of the couch. "You're the best, babe. But you're setting the bar awfully high, starting a new tradition. An expensive one, too," I said, nuzzling her neck and placing a kiss there. "Plus, you're making me look bad. I didn't even get you a Holiday present."

Watching her struggle into a polite, if sad, smile was a bit cruel, I'll admit. But it was funny to pull her present out from behind my back and see her shake her head in frustrated amusement. "This is why I bought liquor. For me, not for you," she laughed.

Now

The office was dead by the time that I left. Kyle had waited as long as he dared, but eventually even he had to leave to host his event with Richards. My empty inbox pushed me over the edge into admitting defeat. I had to leave.

I took the elevator down from the tower, the bottle tucked under my arm. Rather than stopping at the apartment, I headed further down to one of the exit levels. The train was running on time and I hauled myself into the car, alone. Everyone was either at dinner or starting their own early Holiday celebrations. These next two days would be quiet on the trains.

It was fine for me. I stood in the doorway, letting the icy air rush by and staring at the grey sky. It was going to snow soon. Maybe even tonight. Tris would like that. She loved it when it snowed for Holiday.

The tracks wound on and on forever. I could have stayed and rode the whole circuit through. Last year I had. This year though I'd forgotten my scarf and the wind was biting on my face. When the train made its first pass by the open lawn that marked no-man's-land, I threw myself out of the door.

Here in the inbetween, no one faction was in charge. Even the factionless avoided this stretch of land. The walk from the train tracks gave me time to once again mull over my words. I had to say something, the right thing.

One single building broke the openness of no-man's-land. I avoided its bright, cheerful light and passed on. I didn't want to talk to the caretakers. They were Amity folks, the only kind of people who wouldn't care to be separated from their own for months at a time to watch over the yard.

My feet crunched on the gravel paths that sprang up. The solemnity of the yard slowed my steps. The bottle under my arm weighed me down like an anchor. I switched arms and continued on.

Finally, I arrived. My tongue felt swollen and my head swam. Even now reading the words on the stone in front of me felt like a dream, a reality that couldn't actually exist. Yet it was true. I'd made this journey four times now.

Cracking the seal of the whiskey sounded like a gunshot in the absolute silence of the evening. It seemed fitting. I took a swig before capping the bottle once more. It burned through the gagging sensation, warming my throat and stomach. It gave me the courage to step closer and place the bottle onto the marker in front of me.

"Hey Tris," I murmured finally. "Happy Holiday."