Five years ago, I wrote a fic called Hold My Heart.

Today, I begin it's rewrite.

I hope y'all enjoy, and thank you for sticking around for so long, or if you're new here. I appreciate all the support, and I can't wait to dive back into writing about two dear characters.

Thank you.

Click.

Click.

Neil lets out a frustrated groan.

He presses the screen of his phone against his head, the coolness of the surface drawing some semblance of relief to his clammy skin. He hunches over at his kitchen table, his elbows digging into the wood as he fights another wave of nausea, while his inner conflict continues its debate. Eva's contact information is up on the screen, and even with his eyes closed, he feels the Call button taunting him. He sighs.

Come on, you're going to let a little cold stop you? He asks himself, but his thoughts trail off momentarily. He tries to keep his attention on track, but it isn't easy when you feel like the floor is getting swept out from under your feet. I bet this isn't even a cold. You're just getting nervous and wussing out. Call Eva. Invite her to dinner. You keep putting it off, and at this rate you'll never do it.

He tries to play the conversation in his head. Almost every single time, she brushes him off. Or she laughs in his face. Or she asks if he's drunk.

He may very well be drunk.

Another wave of nausea hits him, and he has to remind himself that he hasn't had a sip of alcohol that day.

Tell that to my stomach.

He releases a soft groan and rests his head on the table. When the room feels like it begins to spin again, he tries to perk up.

Do it. Call her.

He hesitates.

The sudden sound of his phone ringing startles him out of his head space.

Neil springs up with a yell, his phone launching out of his hand and sailing through the air in slow motion, sending a pang of adrenaline through his chest. He hears it clattering against the tile floor. In the midst of it all, he tries fumbling after it, and he falls out of the chair to end up face-first on the floor, feeling a shock of pain run up his nose at the impact. He mutters an "ow" as he uses one hand to cup his sore nose, and the other to swoop up the phone and answer the call in one swift motion. "Hello?" He asks, his voice muffled behind his hand.

If Eva noticed, she didn't comment. "Neil, we've got a patient."

"Oh."

Behind Eva's voice, he can just pick up the start-up of a car engine. "I'm on my way over to get you. Be ready in ten."

Neil is at a loss for words, still a little rattled from the jump, but finally forces out a coherent sentence. "Alright, I'll see you then."

Eva hangs on the phone for a few more moments, as if she has something else to say, but then she disconnects the call. Neil crawls back into the chair and cradles his aching head, his fingers cold and shaky. This is bad, Neil.

No, it's not, it's okay. He tries to tell himself. I have this under control. I just need to take some more right now, but then I'll find a way to stop.

Hating himself for it, he pulls the bottle of painkillers close and takes what he needs, hoping it will provide some sort of relief.

It seems to do so less and less these days.

A long time ago, he might have taken the pills with a pang of regret, telling himself that it was time to stop, and that that time would be the last. Now, he can't bring himself to care. His breathing is slow, and all he can think about is what Eva would say if she found out.

He pushes the thought out of his head. She would never know.

He'd make sure of that.

Ten minutes and a lab coat later, Neil is walking out of the front door of his apartment complex, approaching the company car parked at the entrance. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and fights to stay awake, throwing his laptop bag in the backseat and sliding through the passenger door. He plops down with all the grace of an elephant, slumping down into the seat. "Aww, you didn't get me food?" He teases, frowning at the empty, scentless car. He had hoped she'd get him coffee at least.

Eva looks less than sympathetic. "You should have eaten before I got here."

"I had a ten minute warning."

"Have you never learned how to scarf food down?"

Neil scoffs, tilting his chin upwards in a cocky manner. "You can't just scarf down food like a pig, Eva. You have to savor the taste. Otherwise it's a waste."

Eva shrugs to herself. "I still have more apples if you want one."

Neil ducks his head and crosses his arms with distaste. "On second thought, I'm not hungry."

There's a snort of amusement. "That's a first."

"Pardon me if my appetite is only hungry for the finer things in life. Like Chicken Nuggets. And Scotch."

After that, things fall silent. Neil is trying his best to seem upbeat, but there's a slur to his voice he can't quite shake, and there's darkness at the edges of his vision, begging for a nap. But he knows if he does, he'll be cranky during the case.

"What's the patient's name again?"

"Renolds."

"Hmm. I had a teacher in elementary school named Renolds." Neil mentions offhandedly.

"I'm surprised you remember that to be completely honest."

"I only remember him because he sucked, and always cut my recess time."

"Oh yeah? What for?"

"Talking in class."

"Shocker."

Part of him wants to defend himself, He was saying all the wrong things, I had to correct him before he lead all of the impressional children astray! But he couldn't find the energy to speak, and found himself trying to swallow a lump in his throat. He puts one hand to his temple and sighs, closing his eyes. His head was pounding, as if someone were driving a hammer to his skull. Repeatedly.

"You look awful." Eva comments at some point, rousing him just before he could fall asleep.

He can't help himself. His words come out sloppy and unfocused. "Your face looks awful."

She doesn't grace his retort with a reaction. Instead, Eva repeatedly glances at him, squinting her eyes. "Are you drunk or something?" She asks with a slight annoyance in her voice. Why did I know she'd ask that?

"Just a cold I think. Woke up with it this morning."

Eva lets out a soft noise of acknowledgement, seemingly satisfied with the answer. She returns her focus on the road. "Well, take a nap or something. We have a bit of a drive."

Neil is perfectly content with this offer, and slumps deeper into the seat with a soft "thank you", tilting his head back and closing his eyes. With the vibration of the car and the lull of blurry sound, he finds himself more relaxed than he'd felt in a while. See? I can still turn things around. I'll learn how to do without the use of the pills.

The other part of his brain is silent, but he knows it's calling his bluff.

Eva turns the radio up, and Neil smiles a bit. He likes the song that ends up playing, and he can softly hear his partner humming in tune to it. She seems to be in a good mood, and it spreads warmth in his chest to witness it. Always the serious one, she was. It was only once in a blue moon that Neil could catch her in moments like this.

Part of him wants to hum alongside her, so he does.

A few precious moments pass in the car of the two of them softly humming in tune to the music, and he can almost hear her soft smile behind the notes without ever looking up at her. These kind of moments weren't common, but he sure wished they were. If only he could work the courage up to ask her out to dinner, perhaps they would happen more often.

Neil splits off at the chorus to add harmony. He wasn't in musicals in highschool for nothing, after all.

And Eva continues the melody. Their unspoken synchronization carries on. Neil's voice grows weaker with each passing moment, and then as the song winds to a close, he decides that it's time to rest.

Neil allows himself to drift to sleep with a comfortable, blissful feeling, with Eva's voice humming in the background.

It was the last thing he ever consciously did.

Eva drives for a while in silence after the song ends. She dials down the radio and allows the sound of the car to be the only noise. It's almost nice not hearing bickering or banter from the passenger seat, and her napping partner looks peaceful and almost serene. It's an odd change of pace considering who her partner actually was. For the first twenty minutes of the drive, Eva allows the silence to comfort her. Perhaps she could even mentally prepare herself for the case this time, instead of going in feeling frazzled.

Thirty minutes into the drive, she glances over at Neil and feels a slight pang of worry. In all the years she'd worked with him, Neil had never seemed so worn down. In fact, these past few weeks he'd been pretty spacy and tired. She wonders if it's just part of him growing older; Gaining a greater sense of maturity. It was bound to happen at some point, after all.

Then again, this was Neil she was talking about.

But there was something bothering her about this picture. With slight concern, Eva raises her hand to Neil's nose to feel for air, keeping her other hand on the wheel. Her chest knots when she feels nothing for a moment, and as the seconds tick by, she feels herself grow more and more worried.

But then, right before she felt it necessary to raise alarm, she feels his gentle exhale on her skin. She withdraws her hand and tries to think, feeling a little more relaxed.

Forty-five minutes into the drive, she's almost at the client's home. She decides to rouse him awake now, so he wouldn't be too cranky getting out of the car. "Neil, we're almost there, wake up." She says, glancing over at him to gage his reaction.

Nothing happens. She sighs, feeling a pang of annoyance. "Neil, I swear, wake up." She reaches her hand over and jabs him in the arm.

He doesn't stir.

There are warning flags in her head, but Eva's trying to convince herself that he's just a heavy sleeper, and that she'll have to do more to wake him up. She drives the next few minutes clearly unsettled, occasionally calling Neil's name, and when she reaches the property of their patient, she parks the car and steps outside, rounding the car to his side.

She opens the door to the passenger seat and watches as the arm Neil had cradled against the door rolls down, dragging his body sideways a bit. He doesn't so much as flinch. "Hey, come on." She says, trying to be assertive, but her voice skips a beat halfway through her sentence. She puts her hands on his shoulders and shakes him. "Neil."

Nothing.

"Neil, wake up." She says again, this time with fear in her voice. "Neil!"

Nothing.

And it continued to be nothing, even long after the sirens, and the ambulance, and the EMTs, and the gurney rolled by in a blur. Barely a haze of memory for Eva, who sat stone-cold in the driver's seat of the company car, her hands in her lap and her gaze somewhere far away.