Chapter 4: On the Raggedy Edge

Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Except the space rot that fills my brain. Title and some of the dialogue comes from Firefly/Serenity.

Author's note: There were too many other things I wanted to do with this chapter so they're now bumped to later.

XXX

"Ouch!" Rey winced as the waterfall came crashing down. It was heavy and cold, and for a brief moment she saw Star Killer Base exploding all around her.

"Your connection to the Force is raw and deep. You'll drown in it if you can't learn to focus."

She grit her teeth, spitting some of the algae water in Luke's direction. It passed harmlessly through his incorporeal form and he shot her a glare- his default expression by this point. "Drowning doesn't seem so bad just now," she muttered. The thunderous roar of the waterfall dulled to a more manageable hum as she swam away from him.

Exhausted from the many hours they'd already spent training, Rey crawled, hands and knees onto the loamy white beach that bordered the lagoon. Gracelessly, she flopped down on her stomach, cheek buried deeply in the warm sand. Little pink crystals glittered amongst the grains, taunting her. "I'm trying my best." A puff of the white-pink sand clouded the air around her face.

Luke was suddenly beside her, his ability to quickly move without thought or sound becoming a creepy familiarity. "If that were the case, you'd have already discovered what you sought." He rubbed at his graying beard as though considering a particularly stubborn puzzle. Rey was honestly just as baffled by Luke, however. Why did he keep such a shabby appearance? He could look however he pleased as a ghost and she was rather certain he'd looked better than a sea hermit at one point or another. For all she knew, he could've appeared as a Porg if he'd wished! Then there was the actual mystery of him appearing only to her. He was training her. Believing in her- even though he refused to admit it. He hadn't even appeared to Leia yet- and the General had been sure to let her know. Luke went on, "Perhaps you have and you're just too inexperienced to realize what you've seen… Tell me again."

Unable to roll her eyes with them shoved into the delightful sand, she spoke out of the half of her mouth that wasn't currently being laid on, "There was a glowing light. And there were rays coming from it, perhaps a half dozen or so. It was beautiful and alone, blackness all around it."

"What shade was the light? Was there any color to it?"

"It was white…" She shut her eyes, trying to recall, "Perhaps silvery, with some gold liquid, as though it were melting." She sprang up, her strained muscles forgotten. "It's like the flower!"

"Come again?" Luke asked.

She grabbed her leather pack, untied the twine that held it together and dug inside. Finally, she found the wilted orchid Poe had given her the first time she'd been to the hidden lagoon on Yavin 4. It had been several weeks since then, and the moment felt like a lifetime ago since she'd discovered Luke Skywalker, as contrary and wise as he'd ever been in the flesh. The flower itself had weathered fairly well. Kes Dameron had shown her a special powder to sprinkle over it that preserved the petals.

Poe, Finn, and Rose had left on several missions as Rey stayed behind, training and meditating, training and meditating. Oh, and training some more. Occasionally, Luke let her sleep, but mostly she trained.

She held the flower aloft to her cranky Jedi Master, an offering to perhaps ward his spirit away for an hour of rest.

Instead of the desired effect, Luke bowed his head and sighed deeply. "Wrong again, nowhere girl. Your feelings cloud your judgement."

"Excuse me?" Rey was about at her limit. Luke Skywalker had to be the most bothersome curmudgeon to ever haunt the galaxy. "My feelings have nothing to do with it. This flower has the same colorings as the light in my vision you keep insisting is so important."

"And who was the boy who gave you this gift? Does he have a secret stash of Ilum crystals hidden away? Forming attachments for a Jedi is not only distracting, it's dangerous. The Jedi Order certainly had its issues so I won't quote Master Yoda to you, but jealousy, possessiveness, fear, hatred, rage- these are all paths that will lead you down the dark side."

That place below the island. The cavern and the many reflections. The purgatory and the revelation. The void.

"This dark side you keep spitting at holds no meaning I can't find within myself." In the end, it wasn't evil that lived at the bottom of that pit. It was her. She was connected to everything- he'd been the one to teach her that. The Force connected everything.

"You're not making me feel any less nervous about training you when you say things like that. Also, you didn't answer my question."

She felt irritation gnawing at her and realized it was a Piranha Beetle near her exposed ankle. She swatted it away. "He's a pilot and a Resistance Commander. We're not 'attached' as you say. He's fantastic and annoying and a bit too old for me…" she stared at the flower. "He's full of himself and enjoys going on suicide missions, but he cares deeply for his friends, and…"

"Oh my Force," Luke murmured, staring at her as though she were the ghost. "Don't tell me he has a furry companion and a leather jacket? Was he a smuggler at one point too?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. It's a small, rolling droid and a he gave the jacket to my friend, Finn."

"And this friend of your, Finn, is he by any chance related to you?"

"Umm… I don't think so…"

"You might want to check. Also, don't fall in love with bad boys and don't fall in love if you plan on being the Universe's only Jedi." From the ancient books she'd stolen, Rey knew of the Jedi Order's rules on romantic attachments. She also knew that Luke had willfully ignored them all when he'd trained a new generation of Jedi. It must have been like a slap in the face to him when Ben Solo had destroyed the school and everything he'd built.

His fear of her, or rather what she might become, would have been funny were it not so aggravating. "You know, I had no intention of doing that before. But now, since you've said something, it's going to happen. I hope you can live with the consequences."

He threw up his hands, robes flying all around. "Well I was going to show you the error of your ways. But now, I think I'll let you figure it out, Rey."

"I'm not the light in my vision! You're the one who's wrong!"

"Your name is literally 'Rey'."

She huffed and threw the pack over her shoulder. "I don't know how that answers anything. I'm just me. I'm not some mystical warrior, I'm not the Galaxy's only hope… I'm just some desert orphan."

"You'd be surprised. The Force always seems to have a soft spot for the likes of us." Easy for him to say. At least Luke had a family. He knew who his parents were and in the end, they had both loved him. By contrast, her parents had considered liquor and podracing more valuable than their daughter.

Rey sighed, sick of wasting any more time thinking about their faceless memories, and began trudging back to the Dameron family speeder she'd borrowed. She didn't bother facing the Jedi Master as she responded- after all, Luke could probably hear her in space. "If by soft spot, you mean the Force has given us lonely lives of meditation and the torment of always trying to find a ridiculous balance that does not exist, then yes. But the only thing that would actually surprise me at this point is if you stopped being so cryptic. And I still think you're the one who's wrong."

His ghost disappeared behind her, fading out as his words carried along the breeze through the branches overhead, "Perhaps I was…"

XXX

Rey was slightly confused when she arrived back at the Dameron homestead. Kes usually came out to greet her when she arrived home, his tired eyes brightening when he saw her. Rey found his presence comforting and she liked listening to his stories of the old rebellion as they would cover the speeder and put it away at night.

On this particular evening, Kes was nowhere to be found so she did the task herself. Cautiously making her way to the door, she spied a single light and finally heard voices coming from the back.

"How could you have been so stupid?" It was the elder Dameron's voice, his tone reproachful.

"I didn't have all the information. I… I thought I was doing the right thing."

It was Poe! Last she'd heard, he wouldn't be back for another rotation.

"You thought you'd be the big hero. Heroes get other people killed along with themselves."

Rey peered around the corner and saw Poe lower his eyes, studiously avoiding his father's gaze as shame colored his tell-tale neck. "I was trying to save them all."

Kes shook his head. "Do you want to leave me like your mother? Do you want to go as she did?" Dismay laced his words so tightly, she could almost see it coiling through the Force, looping hurt and sorrow around the father and son like rope.

Poe glanced up, his features slumped piteously, and then ducked his head again and Rey jolted, suddenly realizing that this was all her doing. She'd been talking with Kes and had recounted the adventures leading them to Yavin 4. He'd probably had no idea that Poe had led the mutiny that led to so many from the Resistance dying before survivors had made it to Crait. She regretted saying anything. She'd heard it second-hand and even if it were all true, it was up to Poe if he wanted to share it with his father.

Rey slowly stepped out from the doorway, giving a small wave as father and son looked up. "Um, hello there. Sorry to interrupt." She gave a wide, unconvincing smile to Poe. "Didn't know you'd be back so soon."

Kes stepped back, waving a hand dismissively. "Please, Rey, you have been my most treasured guest. It's no trouble." He glanced towards his son, who was looking almost sick by this point. "Poe and I can continue this later." He laid his hand over the pilot's shoulder, pulling him close as he said in a gentler tone, "Your recklessness will be the end of me one day. And who knows? I worry any harder, my good-looks may even go. But you are my heart."

Poe swallowed. "I'm sorry dad, I love you too. We'll talk soon."

Once outside, Poe sighed, shutting his eyes. The lanterns were sparking to life of their own accord, faint evening light and the artificial variety bathing the pilot's skin in a warm glow. He seemed to be relaxing.

Feeling guilty, she tentatively nudged him. "Hey old man," she said quietly.

His eyes lit up a bit. "Hey general," he whispered back, his usual playfulness resurfacing as he nudged her back.

She huffed in mock indignation, an eyebrow raised challengingly. "You know I wish you'd stop calling me that. Why don't you ever just use my name?"

"You wouldn't be able to handle it," he deadpanned.

She couldn't help herself- she giggled. It came out girlish and weird and she stifled herself as soon as she could. "You know your dad found out because of me. I'm sorry about that."

"Just so long as you don't think I'm the biggest idiot show-off in the Universe, we're good."

"What about in the Galaxy?"

"I can work with that."