Gravity

NotSoJollywood

Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, there would be a hell of a lot more Reylo smut in The Last Jedi, just saying.

Summary: She tried for five years to push him out, to forget about the connection that they had. Five years, and Rey had all but moved on to find her place in the galaxy, at the heart of the Resistance. But, like gravity, he kept pulling her back in.

Author's Note: Well, here it is!After seeing The Last Jedi, I just couldn't help myself – I needed some more Reylo angst in my life.

I'd like to take a moment and thank two awesome people who took the time to read this and take my choppy writing and make it something more presentable: ArmaVirosqueCano and shattered-quill. I really would have been lost without them.

Chapter One

Beep. Beep. A series of low chimes from somewhere in her sparse apartments on the Stargazer alerted Rey to the fact that it was almost time. Her gut twisted violently at the thought and a dizzying fog clouded her head. How would she be able to get through the demands of the day? Rey sighed and she began to move with a greater sense of urgency; it was almost time.

Rey moved across the austere apartment, past the chrome tables with holopads strewn carelessly across it and her unmade bed, to the chrome wall at the opposite end of it. Mindlessly pressing her access code to silence the alarm, she ignored the mess. Over the course of the last few days, Rey neglected to tidy up her bedroom. Time, it seemed, was slipping away from her. I'll clean tomorrow, Rey promised herself as she took a seat in front of the black dressing table that had been set up for her.

Rey stared at her reflection in the looking glass warily, as if one wrong move would cause her carefully put together appearance to shatter to pieces. She did not know how much longer she could keep herself together. Her skin was marred with scrapes and bruises from the Resistance's last major run in with the First Order - a battle that she could still see every time she closed her eyes or succumbed to sleep.

If she was being perfectly honest with herself, Rey was tired – tired of running, tired of planning, tired of fighting a battle that could never be won. She did not know how much longer she could go on like this. The circles that had formed around her eyes in the past five years had only deepened and darkened now, and barely noticeable lines had begun to show on her forehead whenever she was in deep thought.

Rey had only lived for twenty-five years, but she felt much older.

Five years had passed since she had last felt truly light and carefree, but five years ago, Rey's world had been entirely different. She had begun her training to become a Jedi, to help the Resistance topple the First Order once and for all. But Luke Skywalker was gone now, and the Resistance needed to be built once more from the ground up. Even now, five years since the Resistance had been all but leveled, they still had a long way to go before they would be restored to its former strength. It seemed like no matter what she did or said, there was always one more mountain for her to climb.

Her hope for balance was beginning to fade.

Still staring in the mirror, Rey began to twist her long, brown hair into a neat plait. She had never truly paid attention to her hair before, opting only for simple hair styles that kept the annoying stray locks out of her face. But today was a different occasion entirely, one that called for much more pomp and circumstance. With a small movement, Rey wrapped the plait into a tight bun at the back of her head and secured it neatly in place looking almost regal. With another glance in the mirror, Rey appraised herself. But it was hard to recognize the woman in the glass; it did not look like her.

She shuddered, an uneasy chill washing over her.

"I don't like your hair like that," the voice came from the edge of the room, and Rey recognized it almost instantly. Her pulse quickened at the sound of the intruder's voice, as it did every time it reached out to her. She had been getting better and better at blocking the voice entirely, but always managed to reach out when she was the most vulnerable. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as it spoke, but she quickly calmed herself down; she would not give the intruder the satisfaction of a response.

"Where are you now? You know that I can only see you," the voice implored her, as it had for the last few years. She could sense the desperation in its tone, the desire for an answer, anything from her. But Rey did not respond; she had not deigned to answer the voice in the last five years and she most certainly would not start today. "Will you still not speak to me?"

Instead of responding, she looked at herself more closely in the mirror. The dark charcoal of her tunic combined with the onyx wrap across her torso made her skin appear pasty and gaunt. The scars and bruises that painted her skin made her look ghastly and aged. Truly, it was not a flattering look at all for her. But now was not the time to overly concern herself with her appearance. She stood up, dusting off her clothing as she readied herself for the day's events.

As if she would ever be ready for this.

"It's true then, isn't it?" The voice from the corner of the room called out. The desperation only intensified as it asked the loaded question, "I felt it, you know. When it happened."

Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath as the memories from that last vicious battle came flooding back to her. She had almost had her arm broken clean in two by an erratic Death Trooper, and had barely missed being shot at more times than she could count. The ambush that Rey should have been able to predict. The physical pain of the battle had been horrible, and she had the scars to prove it. But when it was over and the dust had all settled, the anguish only intensified. She had felt it then, too – so potently. But even now, days later, the ache in her gut had not yet gone away, and Rey did not know if it ever would.

"For what it is worth, I'm sorry." The words echoed throughout her empty apartments, causing Rey's blood to run cold.

Rey had had enough; she did not want to hear any false platitudes - especially from him. Not today of all days. Closing her eyes, she focused all of her concentration on the mental barrier she worked so hard to build for herself. She imagined herself building a stone wall, putting each stone up piece by piece until she was entirely closed off from the intruder. Until she could no longer hear its voice, or feel that chilly presence that haunted her so. It was a trick she had taught herself in the last few months to keep herself from going mad.

When she opened her eyes again, she was alone in the sparse apartment. Rey exhaled in relief when she realized her solitude.

"Son of a bantha," Rey mumbled under her breath. She had been so careful not to allow him into her head after all this time. How did he manage to reach out to her today of all days?

A distinct set of chirps broke her from her thoughts and alerted her to the fact that someone was at her door. Was it really time already? With a deep breath, Rey walked over and pushed athe button to open the door. Poe Dameron stood before her in a stark black uniform, arms folded carefully behind his back. He looked every bit the soldier. He was fresh shaven and neat, but there was no betraying the melancholy in his eyes. He looked just as tired as she felt. Despite herself and the circumstances, Rey's lips curled up into a halfhearted smile, "Good morning, General."

His lips curled only slightly at the recognition of his most recent promotion, "Same to you, Lieutenant."

Rey stepped to the side of the entryway, inviting Poe to enter her sparsely decorated apartments. Even after years spent on the cruiser, she had not felt the need or desire to make these assigned rooms her own. They had never truly felt like a home to her. But it had not bothered her, nor did it seem to perturb the man standing in front of her now. His eyes landed on her as he softly spoke, "I just wanted you to know that we're currently in orbit. The delegation shuttle is going to be departing shortly. If you still wanted to be on it, that is."

She knew that Poe was only giving her the option of backing out if she did not feel up to the strain of the day. But, nevertheless, Rey balked at the question. How could he think that she would miss this? Of course she needed to be there today. Her voice was stern as she responded, "Of course I do."

Poe nodded, as if he had been expecting her answer. He regarded her carefully before speaking once more, "I have something for you."

Rey's brows furrowed in confusion as she watched Poe unfold his hands from behind his back. In the palm of his hand was a beautiful golden necklace. It took the shape of an upside down triangle with delicate interlacing curves that laced upwards. Rey quietly gasped, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. She recognized the royal sigil immediately, and the sight of it only tugged at her heartstrings. "The crest of Alderaan?"

Poe nodded, his heavy eyes meeting hers, "I think she would have wanted you to have it."

"I don't k– thank you," Rey struggled to find the right words to convey how she felt. But Poe did not seem to mind as he stepped behind her and carefully placed the delicate crest and chain on her neck. He of all people would know just how much this meant to her.

She felt the warm touch of his fingers at the nape of her neck as he fastened the chain for her. His touch seemed to linger on her back, giving Rey goose prickles all along her skin. When he was satisfied that the crest was fastened securely, she could feel his sturdy palms find rest on her shoulder.

"Are you ready?" he asked softly, the sadness echoing through his voice. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze as he posed the question, in what Rey could only assume was an attempt at reassurance and comfort.

No, I am not. The words slipped from the deepest crevices from her mind. But Rey could only nod in response to his question; she was not ready for what was about to come, but she would have to be.

Rey followed Poe wordlessly from her own apartments on the Stargazer down to the shuttle bay. The air aboard the star cruiser was tense to say the least, and not a word was spoken between them as they made their way to the delegation shuttle. No one dared to speak to either officer in the corridors. Any petty officer, pilot, or mechanic kept their eyes downcast as Rey and Poe passed by; they all knew where the pair were headed.

The walk to the shuttle bay was quick, and before Rey could mentally prepare herself, they had arrived. A small crowd, donned in traditional mourning colors, surrounded the ship as they prepared to board. As they neared, she could easily see Rose hunched over with her face buried in her hands. Finn had an arm wrapped around her, bringing her close to his chest.

In any other circumstances, Rey would have greeted her friends gladly. But as she saw the gray apparel and the sorrow etched on their faces, she found all will to make small talk dissipate instantly.

Without a word to her compatriots, Rey boarded the delegation shuttle, taking a seat at the far edge of a cabin. The cold corner of the wall was a comfort to her, and she leaned on it for support. Poe Dameron took the seat opposite her. He offered her a small smile but Rey did not have it in her to return it. Not when the weight of this morning hung darkly over her head.

The rest of the delegation filed silently into the shuttle. The only thing that could be heard amongst the mourners was the clicking of safety fasteners and the gentle hum of the engine as they prepared to disembark from the Stargazer.

The eerie silence only continued as the shuttle began to approach the large planet below. Rey looked over the world as it came closer and closer into her field of vision. Large spans of greenery covered the planet for miles, with intermittent specks of the bluest water Rey had ever seen in her short life. The planet below her was absolutely beautiful —– there was no doubting it —- but it would be forever ruined for her after this evening.

"Why Naboo?" Finn asked as the shuttle made its descent to the planet below, breaking the uncomfortable tension that had taken hold of the delegation. His words, although spoken softly, seemed to cut through the strained air like the strongest of knives. "I thought the General was from Alderaan."

Members of the delegation looked at each other quizzically; none of them seemed to have the answer. Rey looked up when no one else spoke.

"It was her mother's birthplace," Rey's words barely came out as a whisper. The rest of the delegation looked up at her in surprise. "She had told me once, a few years, ago that this had been the place where her own mother had ruled as a Queen, and then served in the Republic as a senator. She had always wanted to see the place where her mother came from."

Rey recalled that evening perfectly, once more stewing in anger over the fact that she would never truly know her parents. She had complained how unfair it all was —her lack of roots and unclear purpose. And Leia —wise Leia — had sat Rey down and told her own story. That she too had never known her birth parents, that she had been robbed of the chance to know her true path, and the grief that it had caused her.

Your purpose has a way of finding you, Rey. Leia's words echoed in her mind, clear even to that very day, whether you know it or not.

Rey's heart welled at the memory of Leia, and she felt the buildup of tears behind her eyelids. She inhaled deeply, hoping to stop the inevitable rush of sorrow that would come pouring out of her at any moment. Be strong, Rey, she commanded herself.

"She was a wonderful woman." Poe sighed, blessedly taking the heat off of Rey. All eyes moved from her to the newly promoted general. "A force of nature."

"That she was," Finn nodded, and the rest of the delegation murmured their assent. But after a few more moments, the quiet unease settled over the shuttle once more and left Rey alone with her own thoughts.

The roaring waterfalls and breathtaking lakes of Naboo glistened in the moonlight, half-convincing Rey that the planet was actually made of diamonds. The air had a cool, light breeze about it that seemed to gently kiss her skin whenever it picked up. In her last few years traipsing along the galaxy with the Resistance, Rey had never come across a planet as alluring as this. In any other circumstances, Rey would have been in complete awe of her surroundings. But now, as she stood at the head of the funeral procession, Rey could only feel a hollow resentment at the beauty of the planet.

It seemed to mercilessly mock her pain.

As the casket carrying the great General Organa began to move slowly along the procession route, the Resistance leaders followed closely behind. Rey was locked in step with Finn and Poe at either side of her as the somber funeral procession made its way along the brilliant beaches at the lake retreat of Varykino. The Naboo people had lined the streets along the procession route, silently mourning along with those that knew the general best. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear a deep mourning song being sung in her honor. Naboo was a truly a marvelous place, and so peaceful.

Perhaps, Rey thought, she should be thankful that the general was finally at peace.

The Naboo, upon hearing that the General would be laid to rest on their planet, had set up an ornately decorated pyre on the shore of one the great lakes in the countryside. It had been the family retreat of one of the greatest houses during the golden age of the planet, and Leia would find her final resting place there. The delicate dark wood of the pyre was wrapped elegantly into different plaits, interlocking and weaving around one another. It was truly fit for a princess. But despite the fine detail, Rey could not help but shudder at the sight of the funeral pyre.

The procession wrapped itself around the pyre, and Rey watched on helplessly as the pallbearers carefully placed the casket on to the wood. Something stirred deep inside her then, and the same chill that she had felt earlier that morning was back once more. No, she thought to herself. She closed her eyes in a silent prayer, not now.

But there was no use fighting it this time. Especially not when she was in such a vulnerable and exposed state.

"I could feel your grief across the galaxy," he said, and the chills along her spine only intensified. She could feel his phantom breath along the nape of her neck. Rey went rigid at his words, the intimacy of them. No one else was able to see him — the source of her discomfort — standing so close to the pyre. "Are you there now — saying goodbye?"

Rey inhaled sharply, trying to keep the shivers that radiated through her from making her visibly shake. At her sides, she clenched her fists in an attempt to steady herself. But it was no use; her nails dug deep into her palms and her knuckles turned to a pale white. She bit her bottom lip, chewing on it viciously. Perhaps the pain would help her to concentrate on something — anything but him.

Poe Dameron broke free from her side at that moment, stepping to the head of the funeral pyre. She concentrated on him, the way he glowed warmly in the light from the embers. General Organa lay before him on the pyre. With a cough, he began to speak, "Friends — members of the Resistance — we are gathered here today to honor one of our own. General Leia Organa was more than just a princess or a military leader."

Rey let out a long exhale; she had been glad when Poe Dameron had offered to be the one to speak today. She was even more grateful for it now; she could still feel Ben's presence studying her from wherever he was across the galaxy.

"I'm not here to antagonize you, Rey." Ben's voice whispered to her, breaking her concentration on the ceremony; she could feel him standing so close to her. It took every ounce of control in her body not to rip violently away from her spot at the front of the mourners; she did not want to draw any attention to herself during the solemn affair. "I'm here because I needed to be."

Rey stiffened at Ben's words as the realization dawned on her — it was his own mother's funeral after all.

"General Organa was the stuff that rebellions are built on," Poe continued, looking at the crowd, "She was the wisdom that guided the Rebellion to victory against the Empire. She was the hope that lit the way through the Resistance's darkest hour. She was a hero, and not just because she died in battle. But because of who she was to each of us — what she still means to us."

Although she knew he could not see or hear anything that was going on around her, Rey had to wonder if Ben Solo knew what people were saying about his mother.

"I also wanted to say goodbye to her." Rey's jaw clenched at his words.

"It's up to us now, to make sure that General Organa did not die in vain." Poe continued, looking out to each member of the congregation that had gathered to honor the fallen war hero, "Leia was the spark of hope in the Resistance. It's up to us to keep the flame that she lit for us."

With his final words, Poe lifted up the first of the torches and brought it to the edge of the pyre. Within moments, the flame ignited and began to engulf the entire ornate set up. Rey's eyes followed the dancing flames as the warm air from the fire kissed her face. At the same time, she could feel a chill envelop her; Ben was once again reaching out to her. But now, despite how much she wanted to, she could not pull away. Rey stood still, keeping her gaze locked on the pyre.

Rey did not know how long she stood there with Ben Solo's cool presence next to her. But she did not let her face betray any emotion then; she showed him neither her discomfort nor her grief. She remained stoic, as still as a statue, as the galaxy around her mourned Leia Organa.

At some point, Poe Dameron made his way back to Rey's side. She had not quite forgotten the presence of Ben Solo, mourning his own mother from across the far reaches of the galaxy. She had chosen only to ignore him the best that she possibly could. But it was not until she felt Poe's warm touch on her skin that she even noticed that her hands were still clenched tightly into fists.

Rey released her tight grip as Poe reached down to grab her hand in his, "Are you okay?"

Rey swallowed as she steadied her shaking hand that was caught between Poe's grasp. She nodded once — perhaps if she believed it enough, it would become reality. She gave him a halfhearted smile as she pulled her hand away and gave him a slight shake of her head. "Not here," she whispered, so that only he could hear, "Just not —not now."

Poe dropped his own hands, masking the hurt that etched across his features well. But he took a look around at the mourners still standing around the fire, all of whom had solemn looks on their faces. This was not the place for such small comforts. He cleared his throat, "No — you're right. It's not the place."

She smiled warmly at him, giving his arm a tender brush with her hand, before turning back to the memorial.

"To General Organa," Finn called out, raising the glass of Corellian whiskey high above the crowd of people who had gathered around him. Next to him, a small flask of the whiskey had been poured out in honor of the dead, "And may the Force be with her always."

There was a roar of assent as the mourners all lifted their glasses in a toast to the fiery general. Rey quietly followed suit, lifting her own glass of whiskey at the toast and bringing it to her lips. Having never been one to truly appreciate a good drink, the burn at the back of her throat caused Rey's face to contort in displeasure. But the drink was strong, and after only a few brief moments, Rey could feel a quiet warmth spread throughout the rest of her body.

Rey scanned the crowd of delegates from all over the galaxy who had come to mourn the princess. The tone of this gathering in honor of her had a much more lively tone, and happy memories of the General were being shared all around. Despite the quiet levity of the occasion, Rey herself did not feel all that light. She couldn't quite place the cause of it, but something about the evening weighed heavily on her.

"I can't believe she's really gone," Rey heard a meek voice from behind her. Turning, she saw a bruised and scarred Rose standing before her, empty whiskey glass in hand. Pity welled up inside Rey at the sight of the young officer; Rose had seen the most action in the battle that had killed Leia. Out of all of them, she looked the worst for the wear.

Rey regarded the young woman before her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Me neither. There was always a part of me that believed that no matter what happened, she was invincible."

"I just keep thinking," Rose continued, her voice getting higher and higher as she fought back even more tears, "we should have been able to do something. If only we had known what was coming, we could have evacuated in time."

Rey gave Rose's shoulder an encouraging squeeze; she had thought the same thing many times since the last battle. To the young woman, Rey repeated the mantra that Poe had said over and over again in an attempt to comfort her, "'We were ambushed, Ro'. There was nothing that we could have done."

"I know — you're absolutely right," Rose sighed as she ran a hand through her dark hair, "we'd just been doing so well lately at predicting whatever that bastard Kylo Ren has been planning. It's just hard to think we weren't able to predict he'd order that attack on us."

Rey bristled, dropping her hand from Rose's shoulder and she fixated her gaze on the empty drinking glass in her hand. It was true, thanks to the unwelcome bond that she shared with the First Order's supreme leader, that Rey had become very skilled at predicting their enemy's next moves. But, having closed herself off to communication with Ben, she found it was becoming more and more of struggle to accurately anticipate the First Order's actions. Could she have prevented all of this?

Rey eyed the empty glass in her hand, suddenly wishing that she had more of the whiskey.

"You're right," Rey croaked; her mouth had suddenly gone bone dry at her spiraling thoughts. "Perhaps we should have known."

Rose, although young, was seemingly perceptive to Rey's sudden change in mood and politely excused herself from the conversation. Although she liked the young officer, Rey couldn't help but feel grateful that she had left. She needed to be alone with her own thoughts at the moment, and so, found a seat in the corner of the Naboo hall, resting her now aching head in her palm. Her other hand fell to the crest of Alderaan, and she began to toy with chain around her neck. Suddenly, the crest seemed heavier than it had before.

"You look like you've been through hell." A cool voice interrupted her peace.

"Like you would know," Rey found herself mumbling in response, her wits momentarily lapsing as she remembered just exactly who she was speaking to. In her grief, she had let her guard down and done something she vowed she would never do again. Great kriffing job, she cursed herself for being so stupid.

"Perhaps I don't know." Ben Solo said, and she could see his figure out of the corner of her eye. She refused to look at his gaze, instead vowing to keep her head in her hand. She had not gotten a real look at him in five years, and she was not about to start right now. "But what I do know is that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening. It wasn't your fault."

Rey inwardly cursed his ability to seamlessly perceive her every thought. How could she let him read her so easily? Her anger at her own shortcoming caused her to lash out, "No — you're right. It's your fault."

Ben paused, taking a deep breath before he replied, "I did not know she was there when I ordered the attack."

"What a load of tauntaun shit," Rey replied, her head still in her hand.

"You know it's true,." he replied, and she could feel his presence take a step closer to where she sat. "Search your feelings."

Rey thought about his condolences earlier that morning, and his attempts at being — if only somewhat — a part of the procession. She couldn't deny that Ben truly mourned with her in those moments. But almost as quickly as she had reasoned that, Rey also decided that it did not matter. She scoffed at him, "Even if it was true — you're still the one responsible, Ben. It's not about your intentions, it's about what you did."

"I-"

"I don't want to hear it, Ben." She interrupted before he could confuse her even more than he already had, "I want you to go."

Ben Solo did not say another word; Rey shut her eyes in an attempt to drown out the rest of the Naboo hall away. And when she opened them again, Ben Solo was no longer there.

Author's Note: Phew – and the first chapter is done! Please take a second to let me know what you think of all this! And I promise the Reylo is coming.