Chapter 6:

Kylo landed at the base ready to destroy everything in his path – anything to ease this anger that for once was direct mostly at himself and also toward the stupid insignificant girl who was a thorn in his side – a weakness he couldn't afford.

"Where were you?" Hux asked as soon as Kylo stepped into the main ship.

Kylo froze before turning around slowly, trying his best to keep the smile off his face. Hux was the perfect outlet for his rage, the perfect chew toy. "What did you say?" Kylo asked slowly, giving him the opportunity to backtrack. But he knew he wouldn't, not when a few of Hux's men were within earshot.

Hux flushed ever so slightly before readjusting his waist coat. "You've been gone for hours, alone without informing anyone."

Kylo took a step toward him. "And since when, pray tell, am I to keep you posted on my schedule? Since when have you been named my keeper General Hux? For your sake, I would strongly advise you to remember your place." His voice turned chilly with threat. "You work for me."

Hux turned bright red as he did every time he was offended. "I don't think –"

He didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Kylo sent his body crashing into the opposite wall.

"Don't forget who has the power General Hux." Kylo enunciated coldly, standing even taller, looking down at the crumpled General on the floor, his face clearly mirroring the disdain he felt for the man. "Your life is depending on it."

Kylo turned around briskly and walked away – keeping his back to Hux to show the men he didn't and never would consider the General a threat. It was a rule to live by, never turn your back to anyone who could hurt you.

Hurt you… These words were resonating within him. The girl was the most dangerous person in Kylo's life, he never should have turned his back to her – Thinking she was insignificant. He knew she was becoming a liability, she was becoming a choice, something to consider in his decisions.

He still couldn't believe the memory she'd shown him…He needed to research this, the ability to alter memories. Why would she have risked being caught just to make sure he was safe, that he had a fighting chance? Nobody had ever done that before -nobody ever put him first.

He wouldn't have done the same… Of course, you would have you fool, you knew from the moment she came to you that you would kill for her and you did, you killed your master.

When she had extended her hand, asking him to go with her - He reached for a glass in his quarters and shattered it against the door. He had never considered going back to the light as much as he had done in that moment, he had looked at her hand as a lifeline. He knew, even if he hated to admit it, that she had become the most important person in his life and it made her a liability, an unknown weapon – Caring was never an advantage.

Kylo was grateful at the soft knock at his door. He opened, surprised to see Major Thymce enter the room briskly, closing the door quickly behind him.

"Is there a problem?" Kylo asked, his muscles coiled with tension.

The man seemed confused. "No sir I- I'm just coming to give you my report."

Was it already that late? Major Thymce always came to give his reports in the middle of the night shift when the operations were minimal, when there was less risk of him being seen.

How long had he been lost in his thoughts? Long enough to be taken by surprise by the time. Long enough to become a liability.

Kylo shook his head, crossing his arms on his chest. "What do you have for me?"

"General Hux is tempering with the Stormtrooper program – How?" The man pursed his lips in clear frustration. "I am not sure, only few have access to the central system and I am not one of them. All I know is that it seems the numbers don't align. The new class – the TL's counted 278 children in the program and it seems that only 258 have been assigned but when I checked the system ….it said the class was only 258."

"What are you saying?" Kylo asked trying to keep his exasperation in check. It had taken him a lot of time to find an officer high enough who was not completely faithful to Hux and his vision for the First Order. It had taken months of light mind probing to find Thymce. A man who joined not because of his believes but because of his need of money for his family and because of his desire for power – Two things that Kylo could offer him, or at least give him the illusion of offering. Kylo had helped him get his family out of the slime of the grey city, set them in a nice living area with enough food – This had been enough to gain the man's loyalty, and this was all that Kylo needed.

"I am saying that I suspect General Hux is assigning men somewhere else – a place that is not recorded anywhere."

Kylo nodded. He has suspected as much. He had questioned Hux's assignment of men a few days ago, he had a good excuse at the time but Kylo had always suspected what Hux was doing – Building a small side army – an army who will be so controlled by Hux that they would do anything he wanted even if it meant running to their death for him. Hux was planning to stage a coup, that much was clear and as frustrating as it was, Kylo couldn't do anything right now. People feared him, but they were not loyal to him.

It is lonely at the top isn't it son? I'm sorry. He heard a voice in a back of his mind – a voice oddly familiar and yet it was not Han.

"What else?"

"I have spoken with Matt, one of the radar technicians, and he has informed me that General Hux was spending quite a lot of his free time in the control room looking for something."

Kylo leaned back in his chair – He knew what Hux was looking for, the proof that Kylo had betrayed the first order, proof that will alleviate the uncertainty of a coup. If Hux attempted a coup and failed, it would give Kylo the legitimacy to kill him while keeping the First order in line…and how much he would enjoy killing him slowly. Kylo's mouth twisted into a dark smile at the thought of all the suffering he could cause Hux. But if Hux could find the proof of Kylo's betrayal – Nothing would stand in his path to take Kylo's throne from him.

"Thank you Thymce. Keep up the good work." Kylo looked down at his data pad. "I shall provide your family with a little extra as a sign of my gratitude."

When the man exited the room, Kylo decided to go meditate, to try to smother the light that the scavenger had brought back in him – a small amount but enough to weaken him - more than he could afford in this time of contestation.

Rey was finally drifting off to sleep, it had taken her a while after the adrenaline rush of sneaking out and the lingering guilt of feeling like a traitor to her cause.

She had tossed and turned again in her bed and had only started to drift asleep as the night sky started to lighten.

She was running, no it wasn't her - she was there but not there. It didn't feel like her dream – it didn't even feel like a dream but more like a memory.

She was seeing through someone else's eyes – someone who, based on the height of the furniture, could only be a child.

The child ran in a warehouse full of ships. Rey noticed the millennium falcon – Her heart twisted with pain to the vision of the man's back – That brown leather jacket, he had worn it when she had met him.

"Daddy!" A little boy's voice shouted with excitation and anticipation.

Rey realized she was in young Ben and it was not him dreaming, they were not connected right now, she realized it was a memory, one he unwillingly shared with her.

Ben approached Han and tugged at his jacket. "Dad look what I did!" Rey could feel the pride radiating from Ben.

"In a minute Ben." Han replied, patting Ben's head, not even turning around. "I agree these new student pilots have a lot of potential." He chuckled. "Especially the smart-mouth…Dameron is it? He reminds me a lot of myself."

Ben stood behind his father, patiently looking down at the beautiful patterns he had coloured on a piece of paper. He tried to ignore his father's conversation, but he couldn't help the little pang of pain as his father marvelled at a boy who wasn't him. Maybe that explained a little more the intense disliked that Kylo had harboured for the pilot.

Ben wanted to learn how to fly, he wanted his father to be proud of him, but he was not as good as the others – maybe it was because he didn't enjoy it that much. He would much rather be in his room with his books, but it was something that his father never understood. "Dad look!" Ben insisted rounding his father, standing in front of him.

Han looked down with an imperceptible sigh. He probably didn't even notice it, but it didn't escape Ben and it was like salt on his open wound. "What is it Ben?" He asked looking down at his son.

Ben extended to him the nicely drawn calligraphy patterns that looked like a multi-coloured bird. "Look dad it's for the falcon. I made it with our family!"

Rey looked closer at the drawing through Ben's eyes. The bird was made with the names Leia, Ben, Han, Organa, Skywalker and Solo. All using different calligraphy patterns. It was absolutely beautiful and based on Ben's thoughts she could see it had taken him hours and hours of hard work to create this.

Han took it from his hand and quickly glanced at it. "This is…nice Ben thank you." Han smiled at his son but no matter how much he loved him – Rey was sure of this, she saw it on that bridge when he met his demise. No matter the love, Han hadn't understood Ben and it had hurt them both. "Why don't you go back to your room for now and do some more doodling?"

Doodling?! Rey was almost more offended than Ben at that moment.

Ben nodded with defeat, but Han rested his hands on his shoulder, crouching down to his level. "I'll come look for you later and we'll go for a flight in the falcon just the two of us what do you say? Father and son. You'll be my co-pilot."

Ben beamed at the thought and nodded eagerly before skipping back to his room. He had thought for a moment that his father had forgotten his birthday, but he hadn't, and he was giving him the best present. Some time, just the two of them.

Ben changed into the flying clothes his mother had bought him and waited on his desk chair for his father to come collect him. As the hours passed, Ben started to realise that his father would never come.

They'll never understand you. He jerked with surprised at the foreign voice in his head. He looked around at his empty room.

He didn't have time to contemplate this voice anymore as he saw his mother's official ship arrive from her mission on Naboo and he knew she was going to go to her office to record whatever had happened there. He moved his bookshelf using the force and laid on the floor to listen through the vent.

"Why were you with these student pilots? Where is Ben?" He heard his mother ask with exasperation. "You promised to spend the day with him."

"He is in his room, doing his drawings…reading his books…What he likes to do."

"What he likes to do is spend his day with his father! Can't you even do that today of all days?"

Han sighed. "Because you were away? Come on the boy likes his own company."

"No because - " She stopped, the room silent for a minute. "Han…Please don't tell me you forgot." Her tone was laced with barely veiled anger.

"I…."

"It's your son's birthday Han! How could you forget?!"

"And you choose that day to go to Naboo? You are just as much too blame as I am."

"It was official business Han, due to….due to my family history it is hard for me to gain the legitimacy I need. I can't choose the senators timetable."

"Oh come on Leia! I know you are important! You never waste an occasion to remind me of this. But the Empire was defeated 10 years ago. We are as close to a Galactic peace as we will ever be. What are you really fighting for?"

"For something like the Empire to never be back." She shouted back.

"He knows we have roles to play – He won't mind."

"He is 7 Han! Of course, he will mind! It's like you never wanted him."

"Leia!" There was offence in his voice. "I have never hidden that he didn't come at the most opportune time, but I love him, and I loved him since the day he was born."

"Why don't you try showing him? Show interest in what he likes?" She had no power to her voice anymore, only a growing weariness. "He is slipping away Han, I can feel it."

"Just-"

"Don't – I will go get him for dinner and please try to make him the centre of your attention for once."

Ben chest ached at what he had heard. He was an accident, he was unwanted – misunderstood. He was trying so hard for his father to be proud of him but-

They can never give you what I can give you. The voice was back and instead of scaring him it felt oddly comforting.

He heard a faint rap at his door, he looked up and even if he had no key he locked it using his mind. "Ben honey come out – I brought you a cake from Naboo, it's your favourite – Blue Fruit."

Ben looked at the door and felt something intense, almost burning him inside out. A feeling that was powerful enough to replace the pain and rejection he felt daily. He didn't have a name for this feeling then but after that he felt it every day…rage.

He closed his eyes and let this feeling invade him, it was making him feel stronger, braver, unstoppable – It was making him feel alive and worthy. An ear-splitting sound forced him to open his eyes and he saw thousands of pieces of glass on the floor. He looked at his shattered windows – He knew he had done that – The force had been so strong with this feeling of anger, with this – he would never feel helpless again.

For the first time in his life, he had lied and told his parents he had no idea how it had happened. And for once, this simply came without a hint of guilt.

Rey jerked up, crushing pain making it hard to breathe. She sat on her cot, her back against the wall, trying to let go of young Ben's feelings. The only explanation she could think of was that, when she had opened her mind to show her memory of the throne room, he had unconsciously shared some of his memories.

She understood what Kylo had told her the first time they met. And Han Solo... You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you. She felt it now, his resentments, his pain, his overwhelming loneliness at being so misunderstood and overlooked by the people who were supposed to love him the most.

Rey crossed her legs, trying to see if Ben had shared more memories with her, she was sure that easing the pain, soothing the wounds was the key to bring him back.

It only took her a few seconds to get into another memory.

Ben was looking at himself in the mirror and she couldn't help but smile at the reflection. He couldn't be much more than 7 or 8, his hair was cropped short, making his ears quite disproportionate but where some people might have found that comical, she found it…endearing.

"You can do it – "He whispered to himself in the mirror. "He is wrong, she will understand – she will help."

Snoke – the voice in his head that had been speaking to him for the past 6 months, the voice that appeared on his birthday and never left him. A voice that was more and more present, a voice helping him see how powerful he really was.

It is time to fulfil your destiny - Ask your mother – ask her about your heritage – Ask her about Darth Vader. The voice had almost taunted. Go ahead, see if you can trust her.

Ben kept repeating to the voice that it was wrong, that whilst his father didn't understand him, his mother loved him unconditionally. She had known that his uncle Luke had been watching him, assessing him, somehow pressing his mother to send him to Jedi School but Ben had made her promise not to. He didn't want to leave home – He didn't want to become a Jedi, a pilot or a politician. Ben wanted to become a scholar and no matter how surprising it had been to his parents – his mom had promised.

He found her in her office – Not that it was surprising, this was where she was most of the time.

"Mom who is Darth Vader?" He had asked sitting across from her.

She paled, dropping her pen in surprise. "What did you say?"

"Darth Vader… Who is he?" He insisted.

She leaned back in her seat, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Where did you hear that name?"

This was when Ben should have lied, say he heard people talk about it around the base but he wanted to prove the voice wrong, he wanted to show him that his mother could be trusted that she would never betray him.

"It's the voice – "He stopped, taking a deep shaky breath. "It's the voice in my head – he told me."

His mom had circled her desk and kneeled in front of his chair pulling him into a hug. She had promised him then that everything would be okay….and he had been foolish enough to believe her.

Three days later he had been put, kicking and screaming, into his uncle's ship on his way to Jedi school. It was the day Ben realized that the only person who would never betray him was himself.

Rey opened her eyes, once again exhausted from all the turmoil of feelings she had felt. She hated to admit it, but she'd started to understand the man he had become. It was not nice to realize that on top of liking Ben she now had empathy for his alter ego Kylo Ren. She understood his pain and what scared her the most was her desire to soothe it, to show him that not everybody would let him down.

She had waited for Rose after breakfast.

"Hey Rey!" She smiled. "How did the mission go?" She whispered.

Rey smiled at the conspiratorial tone of the other young woman. It was impossible not to like Rose.

"The mission is going well. Well, talking about the mission – Finn told me you'd made a lot of friends with the locals and that you know where to find practically anything."

She beamed at the compliment. "Pretty much yes." Her smiled widened. "What do you need?"