Got so much to lose / Got so much to prove / God don't let me lose my mind.

Trouble, Cage the Elephant

September 2015

Perhaps it's the fact that he used to live here that wakes him up. He knows the sound of the door chime, of the kitchen being used, even through layers of wall and floor. The sounds sit him up instantly. He knows Rory texted her mom when they got in last night, but not what she wrote, or if Luke or Lorelai has even seen it yet. Anyone of them walking in here finding him and Rory in their unguarded state would be bad news. He looks down at her. She's sleeping on her tummy next to him, unaware. His chest tightens. He's felt that more these last few days than he has during his adult life. The possibility of loss, its presence as unwelcome as necessary. He reaches for his clothes and pulls on pants and a t-shirt quickly. Hears someone in the storage. Glances back at her. Bends town and kisses her temple before getting out of bed. He closes the door behind him as the floor at the bottom of the stairs creak and fall suddenly quiet. He looks up and sees the baffled face of Luke stare up at him.

"Hey." He starts.

"Hey," Luke says. "What are you doing here?"

He isn't ready for this, not in his present circumstances, but he did have time to prepare a lie that would explain why he would suddenly be in Stars Hollow without any warning. He falls back on it.

"Business upstate. The drive down was too long. I got here in the middle of the night."

"Huh. Okay." Luke accepts it, no reason for him not to, it's happened before.

"Start keeping your cell phone turned on and I'll text you next time."

"Yeah right." Luke says with a dismissive grin. "Well, it's nice to see you. You staying for breakfast?"

"Please."

"Great. Lemme just-" He moves up the stairs quickly and makes an attempt to pass Jess, who blocks the door.

"I have to get something." Mild irritation in his voice, supposedly for making him speak redundant words this early.

"I'll get it." Jess regrets this course of action as soon as he takes it. It cannot end well, but neither can letting Luke into the apartment at this time.

"No, it'll be quicker-"

"No."

"Okay. What's going on? You got another girl in the closet?"

"Not exactly." It's the pause beforehand that betrays him. Luke's expression turns incredulous.

"Oh, geez! Jess, I was kidding! What year is it?"

"It's Rory." Jess interrupts firmly.

Luke stares at him, frowning, for a second.

"What?!" He exclaims, tone somewhere between disbelieving and protective.

"Would you keep your voice down?"

"You're telling me she's in there?" Luke points to the door.

"I'm guessing Lorelai didn't have a chance to check her texts?"

"She was asleep when I left. It's barely 6 am." Luke's already gesturing wildly, voice only slightly lowered.

"Look, can we move this whole interaction downstairs? I don't want to wake her."

Luke looks at him silently for a moment. He can't decipher his uncle's expression, seems too mixed.

"Fine," Luke finally concedes.

They walk down the stairs and into the diner. They both wordlessly accept this standstill in their conversation and wind up behind the counter making coffee and a cup of tea. It's a side to their relationship established after their blowouts when Jess used to live here. His tactic to Luke's head-on aggression was snark and physically removing himself from the situation, and he knows, a decade later, that he used the same method in any context. He tries not to anymore, but Luke has learned too, and knows when to give it a break these days. Hence the temporary truce.

They actually bring their respective mugs with them to the table in the corner, sit down simultaneously on opposite sides, and stare at each other for a beat, before picking it up again.

"Okay, you're gonna have to start at the beginning." Luke goes, in that decisive manner he gets when he desperately tries to control things. Jess stifles a sigh. "Make things really clear for me, because I'm at a loss here. Business upstate? Rory apparently left for my cabin last Wednesday. And now you're here. Together. Which, by the way, you have to expand on; how exactly are you together? I'm guessing she's not actually hiding in the closet. So how are your sleeping arrangements? Jess, if you-"

"Hey, if you could let up on the rant for a second, I could try to tell you. But seems you're on a roll, so I'll just wait 'til you're done."

"Geez! The attitude. You in the apartment with Rory. Forgive me if I'm a bit spun over this whole bit of time travel we apparently did over night!"

"I was at your cabin. Okay?"

"The cabin? Wait, how did you even get in- Never mind, I don't wanna know!"

"She showed up. She stayed. We drove back last night and..."

"And what, Jess? What happened?"

He grasps for a plain way to tell Luke, but it's hard.

"Well?"

"It's-" He's this close to landing on 'it's complicated' but stops himself when he realizes that it really isn't, everything around them might be, but they're not. Not right now. It's too late to try to be safe. "We're back together."

"What?" Luke says again. Jess tries to keep his expression even, firm. Thinks he does a pretty decent job.

"No," Luke continues. "Back together? Together, together? After five days? Are you insane?"

"Yup." Jess responds, effectively answering all four questions.

Luke shakes his head. Looks at Jess again. Somewhat softer, but still concerned.

"You mentioned a text. Does Lorelai know about this?"

"I don't really know, Rory texted her when we got in last night, I didn't exactly peek over her shoulder."

"Well, if she doesn't she needs to."

Jess sighs, audibly this time.

"That's Rory's business."

Luke laughs his laugh that isn't a laugh, but more of a warning that he's about to lay it on pretty thick.

"Nope. That's not how this works and if you think so, you're deluded. See, Lorelai and I have been living together for damn near ten years. That makes her family, and in a family you don't get to distribute separate issues. It doesn't just concern Rory and her mother, it concerns me and what concerns me concerns you and vice versa. There's no compartmentalization available, buddy. This is a mess everyone is in now. Just for your information."

"If we could we'd like to avoid the mess."

"Good luck with that."

Jess' irritation escalates towards anger.

"Well, good thing we're in this together, right, uncle Luke? Wasn't that what you said?"

Luke stares at him, wide-eyed, hands in a defensive gesture.

"Woah, I'm staying far away from this when Lorelai finds out."

"Good luck with that." Jess retorts and gets up. "Hey, could you try to be a bit supportive? The way you're talking this is some big disaster." He shakes his head and recognizes his chest is aching. Luke thinks this is a bad idea. "How come I don't feel that?"

Luke stares at the table. Desperation claws at Jess and he summons all his strength to tie it down. He looks down at his coffee cup, fixating his gaze at the liquid's surface to focus.

"I know you care about me."

"Oh, come on Jess-"

"No, I know. So, can you answer this honestly; I haven't been in a relationship for five years. And even then-" He interrupts himself. "You know how I feel about her." He looks up at his uncle, who returns the eye contact tiredly. "You know. So, are you seriously going to ask me to drop this?"

Luke sighs.

"Would you listen if I did?"

"Don't play games. What if it was you and Lorelai?"

Luke huffs air out through his nose in a sad parody of a laugh.

"I did ask myself to drop that repeatedly."

"But you didn't."

Luke looks back at him, this time resigned.

"Look. It's not just Rory I worry about. Sometimes... I wonder if your life would have been easier if you'd never come here."

Jess takes a deep breath, trying to keep it steady.

"Easier maybe. But it would have been worse." He falls silent, in order to let his words take the space they need to matter. He gets up, and walks behind the counter to get a refill, then remains there, looking at Luke. "I'm not asking you to argue in our favor. I'm asking you to just not make it worse. You already know Lorelai's going to inflate this, it's what she does. Just try to smooth things over. Please."

Luke stares at him across the room, him processing the words visible in his face.

"Fine." He finally concedes. "But Jess, if you get her into any kind of trouble- any kind- just, don't make me regret this."

"I won't." Jess says soberly. Then: "But 'into trouble'? What year is it again?"

The staircase creaks and moments later Rory appears from behind the curtain.

"Hi Luke," she says shyly.

"Rory!" Luke says, gets up quickly and gives her a hug with one arm, it looks uncomfortable, but the gesture seems to make her happy. Jess sighs with relief.

"I missed you," Luke says. "How was your weekend?"

Rory smiles somewhat tightly, obviously swallowing any complicated aspects of her answer.

"Good."

"Good." Luke says back, throwing a pointed look at Jess who raises his eyebrows in response. "Have a seat, I'll make you some breakfast. What do you want?"

"Just coffee, thanks." Rory says and sits down.

Jess and Luke exchanges another glance. For her to say no to breakfast… Jess sits down next to her and takes her hand. She sighs shakily, but smiles at the touch and squeezes him back.

"What did you tell Lorelai?"

"I just said I'd be staying here and asked her to meet me for breakfast."

"No response?"

"I turned off my phone," she responds apologetically. "I was too nervous to keep it on."

"It'll be okay," he says but is far from convinced. He knows Lorelai has the power to wreck them. Without her support it's going to be extremely difficult for them to sustain a relationship. During the years she has warmed up to him some, but he's well aware that it'll likely be a whole other piece of business if he's back with her daughter.

He gets up and goes to get their books from the apartment. Since they'll likely be waiting for Lorelai for a while it's the only thing he can think of that might distract them from the fact that the diner feels an awful lot like the waiting room at the hospital this morning. They sit next to each other by the table in the corner, their backs to the wall behind them. She mostly stirs her coffee and looks out the window. They hold hands under the table. She fidgets in her seat when the first costumers show up; Kirk and Morey and Babette, and a few people he vaguely remembers from the few times he attended high school. Babette greets Rory in her overbearing way and acknowledges him with a nod and a smile as well as a curious look. She and Morey sit down, but she can't stop sneaking glances at their table. Rory grabs his arm with both her hands under the table.

"Okay, maybe I'm starting to freak out a little bit," she mumbles.

He scrambles for a way to respond, a correct way, that will calm her down. He only finds his own way of dealing with this kind of thing, so, he sips his coffee and smiles grimly.

"Too late to back out now."

She stares at him with a wrinkle between her eyebrows, stern face. He turns his body to hers to face her. Looks her straight in the eyes.

"Do you wanna back out?" His tone lands evenly on cocky, but he's more scared than he allows himself to acknowledge at that moment. Her expression slowly changes, the wrinkle disappears, and the concern in her eyes gives way to excitement. She smiles broadly and it feels like sunrise. There she is.

"No," she says firmly.

He kisses her then, making it all official-like. Has to restrain himself, because even if he feels this moment is theirs, they might as well be getting married as far as this town's concerned. He hears Babette hissing to bring Morey's and Kirk's attention to them and actually feels her lips tighten with a smile. Then the door chimes, and someone clears their throat. They both stiffen as they recognize the voice. Lorelai.