Arthur caught a glimpse of himself, an image reflected off the chrome plated arch. Bloodshot eyes ringed in dark circles. Scraggly beard and drooping hair. Scratched and dented prosthetic. It had been hell trying to understand this device, but if it worked it would be worth every sleepless night.

It had been a month since he'd caught the oddly worded Craigslist ad offering a junked up Space Time Object Replacement Device. The seller wrote in capslock and demanded an ungodly amount of tacos along with one night of dogsitting services in exchange for the contraption which was, quote, "A COMPLETELY HUMAN CREATED DEVICE MADE BY HUMAN FILTH FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION ONLY."

He wasn't sure why he had gone to investigate. Sending objects back to the past wasn't really possible, but it was a distracting notion. Given how the last few months had been, distraction was welcome. After purchasing five trays of Krazy Tacos, he had approached the seller's house.

He couldn't really remember the night of dogsitting. Something about a rampage of squirrels and a truly terrifying monkey, followed by a little red dot and this large blank spot in his mind. The seller in question was a short boy with an unfortunate skin condition and an even more unfortunate sense of fashion. Arthur was pretty sure he spoke in capslock, too.

But the device was real. The seller had demonstrated by hurling a tiny red ball into the device. Somewhere in the past, a little boy chasing a paper boat in the rain found himself chasing, instead, a little red ball—now rolling away from a nearby storm drain. The paper boat flew out of the portal to land in the seller's black-gloved hands.

"If I EVER find that you have used RUBBER PIGGIES on this device, I will find you," the seller threatened. When prodded for more information, the seller only screamed, "FIND YOU!" even louder, until Arthur let it go.

Whatever the creep's reason for getting rid of the device, Arthur wasn't about to let this opportunity pass. If this thing could replace objects in time, then it could replace people. If it could replace people in time, it was only a few creative tweaks away from a blatant time machine.

He could fix things. Fix them so that Lewis wasn't trying to kill him every time he tracked Arthur down.

He'd just tested it, swapping a stray dog he'd lured in with bacon with a street cat from last week. Neither animal suffered ill effects, though the cat was a bear to get ahold of. Next step, going back himself.

Twisting the dial, he watched the date roll back. A day. A week. A month. Two months. Five months. Eight months. Eight months, two weeks, and three days. With his other hand, he typed in the coordinates of the cave.

There was the van parked outside. There was Vivi, leading the way. There was him and Lewis, splitting off to take the higher path.

It would be different because now he knew what would happen. He wouldn't allow his anger and jealousy to open a back door for that demon. He would stand far back from Lewis, waiting behind in the tunnel. Of course, they would question the metal arm, but he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. It would be worth it to have Lewis back.

As he turned away from the controls a solitary rubber pig flashed into existence deep within the device, replacing a key component. Arthur stepped through the portal.

…..

Lewis raised his torch to inspect the walls, peering at the inscriptions with fascination. "These have got to be thousands of years old," he breathed. "Artie, get pictures. Vivi will be able to research these later. Don't get too close, though. We don't know what they're for."

Behind him, Arthur shivered, snapping a photo of the wall and sliding his phone back into his pocket. "I-I don't think we should be here. This whole place feels… wrong."

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

A hand slammed into his back, sending him careening over the edge. A cry ripped from his throat as he fell, the torch plummeting ahead, revealing deadly spikes rushing up to meet him.

A stalagmite skewered him through the middle, another piercing his neck. He couldn't draw in air.

There was a flash of light off to the side. Lewis heard an agonized male shriek. His vision was fading but he could just make out Arthur, frozen at the lower entrance. Things were getting hazy. He reached for Arthur. Arthur shouldn't have to see this. He shouldn't have to remember…

…..

Arthur stumbled back out through the portal, cursing, his finger glued to the failsafe on his wristwatch. He'd barely missed Lewis' memory wipe, returning Vivi to her proper place just in time. Why had he swapped with Vivi? He'd been aiming for himself!

A fluke. It was just a fluke. He wasn't about to stop now. Recentering the portal where he wanted it, he wound it back a few minutes and tried again.

…..

Lewis raised his torch to inspect the walls, peering at the inscriptions with fascination. "These have got to be thousands of years old," he breathed. "Artie, get pictures. Vivi will be able to research these later. Don't get too close, though. We don't know what they're for."

Behind him, Arthur shivered, snapping a photo of the wall and sliding his phone back into his pocket. "I-I don't think we should be here. This whole place feels… wrong."

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

A hand slammed into his back, sending him careening over the edge. A cry ripped from his throat as he fell, the torch plummeting ahead, revealing deadly spikes rushing up to meet him.

Back on the ledge, the demon laughed as it wormed its way deeper into Arthur, wresting more and more control from him. Hot, foul breath washed over him, and the demon turned his head to see a hideous monster rushing at him, mouth open, teeth gleaming. A flash of light, and Arthur sank his teeth into Arthur's shoulder, gnawing with surprisingly ineffectual teeth. Arthur stopped his assault, intensely confused. The demon regarded him in shock, honestly perplexed for the first time in its millennia of existence.

Below there was a wet thud and the sound of an agonized male shriek.

Arthur cursed, shoving the demon toward the ledge and squeezing his watch. The demon flailed its arms, suddenly regretting the theft of this body. It was falling—

…..

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

A strangled squeal sounded behind him. Lewis turned to behold Arthur clutching his left arm, now swollen to frightful proportions. Arthur gave a terrible cry as the arm vanished, replaced by—Arthur, now hanging at the waist off Arthur's shoulder, looking rather dazed. Behind him, Arthur leaped forward with a roar, biting and scratching at the shoulder joint. In the confusion, the brawl moved toward Lewis, who took a step backward. He fell…

…..

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

Above the scene, a bat clung to the ceiling, sleeping peacefully among its colonymates. It stretched its wings wide, yawning drowsily. Its wings kept stretching, its mouth spreading wider and wider, its body swelling—

Arthur plunged from the ceiling, falling just above Lewis, eyes wide. Further down he could see the stalagmite growing closer, ready to pierce Lewis' chest—

…..

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

Arthur appeared on the ground, confused and disoriented. He was sitting, but a moment ago he had been standing. Where was he now? Glancing up, he saw a very confused Arthur at the lower entrance to the cave.

Oh no.

He whipped his head up, just in time to see Lewis' horrified face as he plummeted right toward Arthur, another Arthur close behind.

…..

Lewis rolled his eyes. "You worry too much. We won't do anything until we understand what we're up against, I promise. This is just recon."

"That's what you said last time," Arthur mumbled, gripping his arms nervously. "And where's Vivi?"
Lewis blinked. "She's not with us?" He turned from the wall, hurrying up the path. "She probably went ahead. Vee? Vee! V-!" Lewis' arms spun, flailing to keep him balanced. He stood at the edge of a sheer drop. Another step and… well, judging by the way the torchlight didn't show him the floor, it was a long way down.

"Guess she's not ahead. She must have taken the low road. Let's go find-!"

Arthur took a step backward off the ledge, falling as the torch illuminated the cave floor below him. He was headed for the one area clear of stalagmites—the one occupied by Arthur. He slammed into Arthur, and another body fell on top, cracking innumerable bones. They groaned in unison, rolling apart from each other. Arthur stared at them from the entrance to the lower level, too bewildered to scream, as another three Arthurs tumbled over the edge of the cliff, heading for the pile on the ground…

…..

Arthur staggered back out of the portal, screaming in frustration and pounding his fist against the ground. Nothing worked right, why did nothing work right?! He'd replaced every single thing he could possibly replace, now where was Lewis? His memories were still full of a nightmarish ghost hell-bent on vengeance and a forgetful, air-headed Vivi who couldn't remember the love of her life. History hadn't changed!

He ripped open the control panel, seizing pieces of the internal mechanisms and tearing them out for examination. A lone rubber piggy bounced at his feet, staring accusingly up at him. He gaped at it in disbelief.

"But… I didn't even… use this…"

Clap.

Arthur started, turning his head.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Lewis stood there, shaking his skull and clapping slowly. Dread pooled in the pit of Arthur's stomach, and he cringed against the frame of the portal, eyeing the only door out of the room.

"I have to say," Lewis mused, "I did not expect such a dedicated rescue attempt from a murderer." His eyes shifted to the portal. "I also did not come here expecting to get a play by play of what happened. I thought I already had all the bases covered. Seems I was missing one piece."

Arthur blinked, processing those words. He jerked his head back over his shoulder to the scene where a full seven and a half Arthurs lay in various states of pain and confusion, yelling at each other and pushing useless buttons on their watches.

He glanced down at his own wrist, where the failsafe lay safe and sound.

"I don't think that's real," Lewis gestured at the portal. "I didn't die that last round, but nothing changed for me. Looks like nothing changed for you either," he pointed at Arthur's prosthetic.

Arthur grabbed the pig and flung it against the wall, seething. "I'll fix it. I'll recreate it the way it's supposed to work, without the pig. I'll bring you back!"

A large hand settled on his shoulder and Arthur went very still.

"I am back," Lewis said quietly. "Just not the way you hoped. What's done is done, Artie."

Arthur swallowed hard.

"If you go doing that to the past for real, who knows what sort of crap could happen? Let's keep it to one Arthur, okay? And maybe we need to talk about that night. I've got a better picture, but I want to hear from you how it really went down."

…..

Note: I was challenged by Sionnachsskulk to write a Peggy Sue fic for Mystery Skulls Animated. I had no idea what a Peggy Sue fic was and so I looked it up, and the first thing that came to mind was Chrono Savior by Damocles32 on . It's one of my favorite Invader Zim humor fics and so I offer this semi-crackfic homage.