The first thing I could remember was darkness. And the pain, of course. It was a sort of pain that made one wish they were dead. If I had known then what lay in store for me, I would have wished all that much harder.

As it was, the only thing I could focus on was that complete and total blinding pain. Trying to move was agony. The one time I made the mistake of trying to open my eyes I found myself regaining painful consciousness an immeasurable amount of time later. Hell, just breathing felt like the devil himself was clawing my lungs out.

What the hell have I done, now?

Something that sounded like rustling leaves blasted through a ridiculously oversized sound system directly into my brain assaulted me, drawing a strangled groan from my throat. The piercing shriek that followed drove a spike through my head that turned out to be too much for me. No shame in admitting I passed out, is there?

Slowly I regained consciousness, albeit painfully. The sounds of rustling leaves returned accompanied by voices this time.

"Now, calm down an' tell me what tha hay yer talkin' about, sugar cube", a heavily Southern accented girl's voice groaned.

The only thing I could hear was the softest of breezes.

"Well, where didja see it, then?"

Another breeze that I could only assume was a whisper, followed by the sounds of footsteps. Suddenly the steps ended as the redneck chick let out a huge gasp before she stumbled backward.

"Go get somepony here, NOW", she shouted.

"P-please", I gasped before slipping back into silence.

-v-

"Princess, what in the world is that creature", some prissy sounding bitch asked.

"I have to admit, I do not know", the 'princess' replied. "It may be some time before we have answers."

"But it talks", a voice gently whispered.

IT?! What in the fuck is going on here?!

"My dear Fluttershy", the princess said quietly, "this is a male of whatever his species. He talks."

"Oh, I- I'm so sorry", the voice belonging to Fluttershy whimpered, on the verge of tears by the sound of things.

"Think nothing of it", the princess replied sweetly. "Now, I must ask you to leave. His injuries are still rather severe, so I must concentrate. We shall speak tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Princess", the snobby bitch simpered before several pairs of boots left the room.

"Oh, you poor creature", the princess sighed quietly, "what happened to you?"

I managed a pained groan before warmth flooded through my body, removing the pain from my mind almost instantly. I tried to speak or move but found myself held fast.

"No no, don't move", she cooed. "You somehow managed to break every single bone in your body, even that uniquely shaped skull of yours. I have to warn you that you have a very painful night ahead of you, so you will have to be sedated."

Half of a frenzied groan slipped out before silence claimed me again, caressing my mind until light began to intrude. Slowly I lifted my head, waves of dizziness crashing over me, and peeled my eyes open for the first time. A haze hung over my vision as I took in my surroundings. In the corner was a lone tree with some type of white flower on it. Beside my bed was a small table, a curtain on rails hung from the ceiling, and across the room from the foot of my bed was an open door.

Okay, I'm in the hospital. Cool. Is that a fucking HORSE?!

"Ah, awake, I see. How do you feel today", the smallish horse greeted.

"You talk", was all I could utter. I can honestly say I never have seen a talking horse- no, he has a horn. A UNICORN?!

"Yes", he chuckled. "I'm Doctor Adryl, but you can call me Ben."

"Ben Adryl", I whispered. "Benadryl?!"

Something inside just shifted. Manic giggles burst forth, startling the Doctor. As he turned to the side I saw a medicine bottled tattooed on his flank and just lost it. I began cackling, unable to stop myself.

A unicorn doctor named Ben Adryl? This has to be some kind of dream. I'm just having a really weird dream.

"Orderlies", the unicorn shouted as he backed away.

My cackles turned into howls of laughter as two more unicorns rushed in from the hallway, both of the wearing gleaming white medical scrubs. They took one look at me before their horns glowed- what the fuck?- and some type of bubble wrapped around my bed.

"What in Equestria is going on", a familiar voice, sounds like the princess, called as her footsteps hurried up the hall.

"Princess Celestia", Doctor Adryl gasped with a bow.

I felt my eye twitch as a massive white unicorn with wings burst through the door, the bright overhead lights glinting off her golden tiara. And as if that wasn't enough of a shock, I happened to notice her mane and tail, both of which were translucent, multicolored and flowing in a nonexistent breeze.

"P-princess Celestia", I gasped in shock.

"Yes, I am Princess Celestia", she smiled, her voice motherly. "Who may you be?"

"I don't remember", I whispered after several minutes of thought. "Where am I?"

"You're in the royal infirmary in Canterlot Castle, the seat of power in Equestria."

"Do what, now", I said, my eyes going wide.

"My dear… whatever you are", she smiled. "I don't know where you come from, but I find myself in quite a curious situation."

"You're in a curious situation", I laughed. "I woke up to crippling pain in an unknown land inhabited by talking horses-"

"Ponies", Princess Celestia replied.

"Whatever. I have no clue who I am. What I am. I know absolutely nothing."

"But you're safe", the winged unicorn said quietly, reaching a wing toward me.

"Am I", I asked as I shifted away slightly, which caused her brow to furrow slightly.

"I would never hurt you", she whispered before lowering her wing. "In time you will come to realize that."

"Look, this is a lot of shit to take in", I sighed.

"Then I will allow you to rest", she said quietly before leaving. On her way out she glanced over her shoulder at me, her eyes unreadable.

Okay, that's not creepy, I thought to myself. Okay, let's think about this. I don't have a clue who I am or where I'm from. I woke up with every bone in my body broken. Said broken bones were healed by talking ponies. This has got to be some sort of nightmare.

"Good morning", a somewhat cute little pony chimed as she entered my room somehow balancing a covered tray on her back.

"Good morning, I guess", I slowly replied.

"Do you need anything", she asked with a smile.

"My clothes would be nice", I muttered.

"You weren't wearing any when you were admitted", she blushed.

Great, I thought. Not only was I stuck somewhere strange with no memory, I somehow wound up in a royal hospital staffed by talking animals and I was apparently completely naked the whole time. The little nurse only confirmed my suspicions.

"If I may", she said as she blushed harder, "what happened to your sheath?"

"My what?"

"Your sheath", she repeated before glancing toward my lap. "What kind of accident were you in?"

"I don't have one", I laughed. "How it looks now is how it always looked."

"Oh." With that simple statement she blushed so hard her face seemed to catch fire and hurried out the door.

Hm. I shrugged my shoulders before picking up the tray she left beside my bed and settling back against the pillows. My stomach growled as I lifted the lid from the tray and caught a whiff of the pasta dish I had been served. It smelled delicious, but the plain noodles were a sort of grayish green. I didn't know what they consisted of, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to try.

I was wrong. The moment the "pasta" touched my tongue it made its way back out of my mouth even quicker than it went in. The taste was absolutely disgusting, and the rough gritty texture was enough to gag me. Upon closer inspection I realized I was given a plate of formed hay to eat.

"Fucking really", I groaned as I shoved the tray aside.

With nothing but the glass of water seeming safe I grumbled a little as I leaned back again. I didn't have much time to grumble before the cute little nurse made her rounds, cocking her head to the side as she observed my mostly untouched tray.

"Is something wrong with your food", the nurse asked.

"Wrong", I scoffed. "That tray had some kind of something made from hay."

"I thought everypony ate hay", she murmured.

"I'm not a pony."

"Oh my gosh", she squeaked. "I didn't even think of that!"

Without another word she somehow managed to snatch the tray away and disappear in a cloud of dust. Before the dust could settle I noticed a single buttery colored ear tip poking past the edge of my doorway.

"You can come in", I called, chuckling despite myself as the new arrival let out a small squealing gasp.

"I hope I'm not interrupting", she quietly gasped with a blush.

"Not at all", I smiled as I shifted my position.

Slowly she eased into my room, her light pink mane hiding her blushing face. As she crept closer she glanced up at me, the light catching in the blue eye her mane wasn't hiding. Finally she stood beside my bed, gently rocking side to side without looking at me.

"Did you need something", I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence, which caused her to squeak and flinch.

"I was hoping to speak to you", she whispered, "um, I mean, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind", I said as I patted the edge of the bed.

"Thank you", she smiled as she spread her wings and actually fluttered up onto the bed.

"You're a Pegasus", I whispered in awe.

"Y-yes", she whimpered.

Slowly I reached out and brushed my fingertips across her wing, jumping slightly as she gasped and snatched her wing away.

"I'm sorry", I immediately said, pulling my hands back and tucking them underneath me.

"That's okay", she blushed, "I'm just not used to anypony touching my wings."

"Why not", I asked.

"Oh, no I couldn't possibly say", she blushed even harder.

"Why not?"

"I'd honestly rather not say", she whispered.

"Fair enough", I shrugged before flopping back onto my pillows. "So that winged unicorn said your name is Fluttershy?"

"Oh, that wasn't a unicorn", Fluttershy smiled. "Princess Celestia is an alicorn."

"A what now?"

"An alicorn", Fluttershy replied. "Princess Celestia and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza are the only two in all of Equestria that I know of."

"Wow."

"What's your name", she smiled at me.

"I… I can't remember", I sighed as my shoulders sagged.

"Oh you poor thing", she cooed before hopping up and pulling me into a hug that just felt right.

"I don't remember anything", I whispered as I returned the hug. "I don't remember my name, where I'm from, how old I am or anything."

"It's okay", she said softly, leaning into the hug and stroking my shoulder length hair with a hoof. "Just give it time and I'm sure it will all come back to you."

"I hope so", I sighed, leaning back right as a multicolored blur slammed into me knocking my head into the wall. Darkness reached for me again.

"Well how the heck was I supposed to know it was hugging you", a slightly scratchy voice yelled.

Slowly my senses returned to me allowing me to open my eyes. Somehow I wound up with my freshly bandaged and still slightly bleeding head in Fluttershy's lap while she gently stroked my hair and glared at my attacker. As far as I could tell it was a light blue Pegasus with every color of the rainbow in its mane and tail.

"Well maybe you should think before you act", she huffed. "And this is a him, not an it."

"My name", I groaned, "is Jackson."

"What the buck", the rainbow pony shouted. "It can talk?"

"Language, missy", Fluttershy actually shouted before turning a kind smile toward me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah", I said as I sat up with a groan. "I can remember my name."

"Oh that's wonderful", Fluttershy smiled. "You said your name is Jackson?"

"Yeah", I sighed. "That's the only thing I can remember, though."

"How did you remember", the shy pony asked.

"My guess is cognitive recalibration", I replied, sighing when I saw their blank expressions. "Something must have gotten knocked back into place when rainbow butt slammed me."

"The name is Rainbow Dash", the annoying Pegasus shouted right in my face.

"Okay", I said slowly as I wiped spit from my cheek. "Back the fuck up right now."

"Or what", she grinned, floating even closer.

Without a word my hand shot out and grabbed her by the throat. Her eyes bulged out as I began to squeeze, my fingers digging into her soft fur. I held the pressure for a few seconds before she began to wildly struggle.

"Jackson, let her go", Fluttershy cried as she tugged on my arm.

"You listen to me", I growled at Rainbow Dash as I dragged her toward me until we were nose to nose. "If you ever attack me again you will regret it."

I spared a glance at Fluttershy and felt a twinge in my heart when I saw the fear in her eyes. With my eyes still locked with hers I dropped the rainbow menace who flopped off the bed onto the floor gasping.

"You're a monster", Rainbow Dash choked out.

"I don't know what I am", I mumbled before turning away from both of them and pulling the cover up over my shoulder.

"Perhaps it is time to leave", Celestia's voice floated through the door of my room.

"Princess Celestia", both ponies gasped before bowing deeply.

"Rise", the alicorn commanded.

Slowly the two mares stood, Fluttershy apologizing for some reason as Rainbow Dash slunk out of the room with her head hung low. Silently Celestia arched one eyebrow and stared at Fluttershy as her apologies quickly died on her lips. The timid pony glanced back as she left until the door glowed a light golden color and swung closed.

"If you ever try to harm another of my little ponies I will end you", Celestia said coldly as she towered over me. "You live only by my good graces, creature."

"My name is Jackson", I snarled. "And maybe you should speak to your little ponies about not harming me."

"I will not tolerate insolence", Celestia shouted as she slapped me with her wing, knocking me out of the bed and into the wall.

"Fuck", I grunted, shaking my head to clear it as I stood.

Before I knew what was happening I found myself enveloped in a golden aura, unable to move as the alicorn with a sun on her flank drew me up before her. For several seconds her violet eyes bore into mine, the grey irises of my eyes barely reflected. Without a word she touched her horn to my forehead and I felt a breeze slip between my thoughts.

"Oh my", she suddenly whispered, dropping me with a gasp. "This is entirely unexpected."

Before I could ask any questions or even make a sound a loud pop reverberated through my ears and I found myself on a chilly stone floor. The bright lights all around me blinded me for a few seconds, but soon enough I could see. For some reason we were in what appeared to be a bedroom. The scary part was the lack of a door.

"These will be your quarters for the next few days", she intoned evenly. "We will speak again when I lower the sun."

Without another word she disappeared with another loud pop. I glanced around at every nook and cranny I could see before pulling myself up into a chair with a huff.

"Well, fuck."