Ten:

Rey stared at the crystals in her palm as her chest heaved for breath. Her throat was dry, her skin was sticky, and her hair was slick and damp with sweat. As she poured herself into the stones, stark realization washed over her. An ancient knowledge she shouldn't have fell into her mind. She hadn't finished her weapon yet, she realized, because she didn't have everything she needed. Ben had told her, "The Force constructs the weapon" during one of their many training sessions. She hadn't quite grasped onto what that really meant. Of course, he hadn't exactly elaborated either, but she blamed that on her inability to concentrate on their meditations rather than his unwillingness to help. With a huff, she set the crystals on her bed, along with the fragmented lightsaber hilt and ran to her closet, where she kept a small bag of trinkets, spare parts, and tools. Over the months she'd found herself reverting back to her scavenger self, hording any random bits she could sell for her next meal. Obviously, she had no reason to sell the things now that she had guaranteed rations, but she kept the pieces anyway, and now she was glad she had.

She smiled as she dumped the junk onto the floor beside her bed and turned her attention to the hilt. She wasn't exactly sure what was inside, but if a lightsaber worked even a little bit like it should, it should be full of capacitors, circuits, and some kind of power cell. She knew there was more to it, but as long as she could salvage what was inside and study the remaining structure, she should be able to find a way to duplicate it.

Excitement washed over her, and all her doubts and worries took to the sidelines as she fiddled with her tools, pulling the fragmented weapon apart as delicately as she could manage.

It was, somehow, less complicated underneath the protective metal than she'd expected. She could only assume it was because of this lightsabers age more than anything else, and she was grateful she wasn't tearing Ben's lightsaber apart. Who knew what kind of weird things were going on inside that thing.

Her chest tightened as she thought of Ben—she still hadn't felt him since the day she'd escaped the Finalizer. Not a word echoing in her mind, not a twinge confirming he was even alive…

But she swallowed her fear for now and turned her gaze to her quarterstaff leaning against the wall opposite her. Hesitation kept her still, but only for a moment, and she reached over and grabbed it, laying it across her bed with the rest of the parts she'd compiled.

I have to mangle it. She thought sadly, letting her fingers hover over the centerpiece. It was too long for what she intended to do with it. She'd have to cut away most of the length and then find a way to fuse it back together…

Rose came to mind. She worked on the ship. It might just be engines and pipes, but she'd definitely be better suited to help her than anyone else she might ask for help. And even though she didn't know Rose as well as she should, she was certain she'd be giddy to help her. Especially with something like this. If she was anything like Finn, that is.

She wrapped the delicate pieces together with an old rag and stuffed her scavenged parts back into the bag she'd got them from before slinging her staff over her shoulder. Almost giddily, she stuffed her Kyber and the powdery blue crystal she'd tore from the broken saber into her pocket.

Rey rose to her feet and ran for the door; if she could find Finn, she'd find Rose. They were practically attached at the hip nowadays.

After running through the halls, the hangar, and eventually making her way below decks, Rey finally came across her friends.

Finn and Rose were walking together through a rustier section of construction, hands locked together. Rey hesitated when she rounded the corner and spotted them, talking enthusiastically about something that would probably go straight over her own head. She didn't want to interrupt but… She looked down at the bags she was holding and nodded to herself, pushing forward at a jog, calling out to them when she was within earshot.

"Rose!" Rey huffed, almost laughing when she saw the way they jumped apart at the sound of her voice.

Finn spoke first, "Hey Rey," He said awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck like he was embarrassed, "How are you feeling—actually, what's with all the junk?" He frowned as she approached them and skidded to a stop, his dark eyes scanning the heap in her arms.

Rey scowled, a little insulted, "It's not junk," She pressed, turning her attention to his raven-haired companion with flushed cheeks. She couldn't deny she was happy to see him, and a little embarrassed for interrupting their outing, but she was on a mission, "Actually, I need your help with something." She nodded to Rose, and the girl looked at her as if she was seeing her for the first time. Her mouth hung open, like she didn't believe what she just heard. Rey felt a little guilty then. She wished she'd taken more time to get to know her… she was important to Finn, after all. And she'd saved her friends life back on Crait.

Rose just looked around, like Rey must be talking to someone else, then finally spoke when she realized there was no one else around, "I-I don't know what I could really help you with…" She started.

Rey shook her head, "You're the only one who can." She assured her.

"Wow." Rose laughed and took a step closer, inspecting the jingling bag Rey held in her arms, "Okay… I, yeah, okay! What do you need?"

She felt herself smile, "I need you to help me build a lightsaber."

"Whoa, whoa, I want to build a lightsaber," Finn interjected.

The three of them made their way further into the depths of the Resistance ship and Rose led them to a quiet, open room, filled with tool boxes and tables. Large saws, portable welding equipment, and other machines Rey couldn't find a name for lined the walls. She placed her staff along the table and pulled the rest of the bits from her cloth. She explained to them, the best she could, what she was planning on doing. It came out jumbled, and certainly nowhere as clear as she saw the process in her mind, but Rose didn't seem to have trouble understanding.

She stood quietly at the other side of the table and listened intently as she eyed the pieces Rey had extracted from the hilt of the ruined lightsaber while fingering through the scrap pieces Rey already had.

"Dual blades?" Rose asked, eyes wide, "You're going to need a duplicate, or at least a close second, to all the crucial pieces. I think I can help you assemble most of it… Oh! I have a better piece for this. Newer." She tapped the small, silver rod Rey had pulled from the bottom of the hilt with her pointer finer, "This power cell is old, Diatium would be better. It can hold its charge indefinitely if it's properly insulated and wired." A fierce grin made its way onto the girls face and she nodded as she met Rey's eyes, "I've never made a lightsaber before… I wish I could really put it together."

Rey found herself grinning back. Her enthusiasm was horribly infectious.

She wasn't sure if some of the information from the old Jedi texts was making its way back to her or if the Force itself was guiding her in the right direction, but it was like she knew exactly what she had to do. Constructing a lightsaber wasn't something just anyone could do. The Force constructs the weapon. She needed the pieces, she needed to understand how they fit together, and through her meditation with the crystals, as she attuned them to herself, she'd assemble it. Piece by piece. Not by hand, but with the energy of the Force. When Rey had tried to explain it to Rose and Finn, she felt silly, but Rose at least seemed like she grasped enough of it to know what she could do to help.

The mechanic wiped her hands on her coveralls and got to work, focusing on finding salvageable pieces from the broken hilt and then trying her best to find a match, or at least something she could shape into what she needed. She told everything she understood to Rey, making sure she understood how each part she should connect, and then got to work on reshaping the quarterstaff.

They decided to keep each end and scrap the centerpiece, keeping only enough of it to comfortably fit both of Rey's hands.

After nearly four hours, the two of them managed to lay out each piece in the correct order of construction at each end of the mangled quarterstaff. Rose had assembled the Diatium power cells inside their insulators and conductors, wiring it to what would be the energy chambers for her crystals.

"Alright," Rose Tico beamed at their work, nodding, "The rest is… up to you, right?"

"Time to do that weird Jedi stuff!" Finn chimed in from across the room, where he'd retreated when he realized he wouldn't be able to contribute.

Rey looked down at the pieces they'd set onto a blanket in the middle of the room and took a deep breath. This, she thought nervously, is the hard part.

She sat in front of—what she hoped would be—her new lightsaber. Entirely her own, made with the help of her friends. All that was left was the crystals. She reached into her pocket and placed each one in their designated spots in the lineup. "Rose," She murmured, letting her eyes flutter closed, already feeling the life, the energy, the Light and Dark, flowing around her, "Thank you."

The girl laughed quietly, with just a hint of nervousness, "I wouldn't thank me yet."

Rey smiled softly and carefully reached out.

She felt the crystals before her, almost as if they were singing. The tune was a mixture of sadness and serenity and she felt the Light curl around her body, creating a cocoon of warmth, shielding her from the Darkness. She let it fill her up until she overflowed, and she let her memories flow with it. Everything she could remember that brought her peace; Finn and Poe, fighting for her, racing through space to bring her back to them. Rose working tirelessly, selflessly, to help her build what she needed. Leia worrying about her lack of sleep, insisting that she was home, that the Resistance was her home. She remembered Ben and the way he'd saved her, the way that they fought together after he cut down Snoke. She remembered how she felt so whole when their connection had finally returned, and the way he kissed her that first time. She remembered the way he looked at her, the way they were so similar and yet so drastically different… she felt the balance they'd made. And then she let the despair take hold of her too—she let the Light leave her body and she allowed the Dark to let her feel it. Her loneliness on Jakku, her anguish on Ahch-To, the reality of her parents. She remembered the way the Resistance had left her on Florrum, and the fleeting thought of Ben driving his lightsaber through her back when he'd grabbed her in the desert. Rey let the guilt return to her mind as she remembered the way she'd joined Ben on the Finalizer, and the tearing sorrow she felt for leaving him behind.

Even with her eyes closed, Rey saw the pieces on the floor in front of her move, and take shape. They floated through the air, swirling above her head. Each crystal held a sharp glow, almost blinding.

Balance. Light. Dark. And in between.

Through her mind, Rey watched the crystal from the broken saber pulsing a deep, serene blue. And she watched the other, her Kyber, struggle. She watched it twitch in the air, fighting for it's purpose. Like she fought for hers. Like Ben fought for his. For a second, so quick she thought she might have imagined it, she watched it explode into a deep red, and then it was something else entirely. They both were. As the last pieces of the lightsaber merged, the Light blinded her and then the Dark crept in to soothe the pain.

Balance. She thought again, quietly, acutely aware of her heartbeat pounding in her ears with deafening urgency.

When Rey finally opened her eyes again, she saw Rose and Finn across from her, backs pressed against the wall, eyes shut in a deep sleep. She wasn't sure how long she'd been trapped in her meditation, but if the two of them had passed out, it had to have been at least a few hours. Before her, lying still on the blanket, was her creation. A staff, less than half the size of her original. She exhaled sharply and wiped the sweat from her brow. A queasy nervousness settled in the pit of her stomach as she looked down at it. She was certain, somehow, that she'd completed it. But the flashes of color she'd seen under her eyelids kept her from reaching for it. According to the texts she'd taken from Ahch-To, the color of a lightsaber determined the kind of Jedi you were. They determined your personality, in a way. It was something you couldn't hide. Anyone who saw the blade would see the truest part of you.

Rey swallowed hard and reached forward, slowly, taking the familiar material in her hand.

She couldn't deny the fierce worry that sprang up inside her—what if it was… what if she'd let the Dark in too far?

Her thumb hovered over the ignition, and with one final unsteady breath, she pressed it.

Each side emerged simultaneously with a smooth, quiet hum, and bathed the room in an unfamiliar light.

Rey stared into the flickering lilac blades. Confusion washed over her, barely overshadowing her guilty relief.

It wasn't what she expected, but it was beautiful. She felt herself in it, somehow. She wanted to wake up Finn and Rose, sleeping across from her with their hands loosely entwined, she wanted to show them and ask them if they knew what it meant. But she couldn't find her voice, and suddenly all she wanted was to show Ben. He'd know. She wondered if he'd be proud or disappointed, or if he'd care at all… She wasn't even sure how she felt. She had been expecting another blue weapon, or maybe green. And she'd feared it would show a bright, terrifying crimson. But it was none of those.

A soft, tired smile lifted her lips.

It didn't matter what it meant. It was hers. She didn't know if she was a Jedi, or if she was the hero the Resistance wanted her to be. She didn't know if it was good or bad, but suddenly, she didn't care. It felt like things were clicking into place, she thought that maybe, she felt whole.

Almost. Her brain reminded her.

Ben's absence brought her back into reality and she extinguished her new weapon.

It had only been two days since her escape from the Finalizer, since it's destruction at the hands of the Resistance. Initially she'd felt like she was really home, she was comforted by the familiarity, and her friends. But she'd realized, rather quickly, that it didn't feel the same. No… that wasn't quite right. She wasn't the same. And it made the ship feel hollow somehow. She didn't like it, the way her perspective had changed so drastically. She didn't like that it was Ben Solo that kept her from feeling alone. If she could have her way, Ben would be there with her, she would stand side by side with all of them. She'd feel whole and she'd feel like she really belonged somewhere. But it wasn't a perfect world, and her way was naïve. She knew that, but she longed for it anyway.

Rey sighed, a little too loudly, and saw Rose stir.

The mechanic's eyes lit up when she saw the device in Rey's hand and she gently crawled away from Finn until she was less than a foot away.

"Did it work?" She whispered, enthusiasm obvious even in her hushed voice.

Rey nodded and tried to shrug off the sadness that had made its way into her chest, "Thank you," She told her again, "I couldn't have done it without you."

Rose smiled but she seemed to notice the change in her demeanor, "I-I'm sure you're tired of being asked but… are you okay? You were with the First Order for weeks…" The worry was thick in her voice and Rey felt guilty again. "It's okay if you're not."

Rey decided, suddenly, that she liked this girl, and smiled, "It wasn't what everyone thinks," she murmured, "I wasn't in a cell. I wasn't starving. I wasn't tortured for information." Despite being back with the Resistance for a few days, no one had questioned her about her captivity yet. Poe seemed preoccupied with getting the fleet back to their base and Leila's condition, but once they were back on planet, she knew the rest of the higher-ups would demand to know what had happened. Poe trusted her, but despite her status in their ranks, she was still unfamiliar to many. They wouldn't trust her blindly like her friends did. She didn't exactly have anything to hide, she hadn't given the First Order anything at all, but she knew that would seem suspicious on its own.

Rose raised one thin eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"He took me from Florrum," the words were begging for release, and Rey pushed on in a hushed whisper, glancing over at Poe to make sure he was still sleeping soundly, "And instead of putting me in a jail cell, he gave me a room. He wanted to train me… it was like the First Order wasn't even there. I never saw a storm trooper or a blaster until you guys showed up. And I escaped."

"He?" Rose asked, leaning forward like she could feel the importance in keeping quiet, "You mean… Kylo Ren?"

There was more shock in her voice than disgust. Pure disbelief painted her fair face and she hurriedly tucked her wispy tendrils of hair behind her ears when Rey nodded.

"So, he wanted you for the First Order, right? I mean… if he wanted to train you, he wanted you to be a Sith, like him?"

Rey shook her head. That wasn't quite right, but she couldn't exactly disprove Rose's theory either. Ben despised the Sith as much as the Jedi despite his demeanor and cruel actions. At least as far as she could tell. His hatred of Snoke and the deep seeded regret he'd never voice seemed like proof enough of that. But she couldn't explain her connection to Ben. There was no way this girl could understand, and there were no words Rey could think of to describe it without making her sound like a liability. Or a traitor. "It didn't feel like that. Not on the surface at least. I can feel the conflict inside of him…" she frowned, wondering if her words would make sense, "He's not lost. Not completely. I can't explain why I know it, or why it matters, but I know... and it's killing me."

Rose was silent for a long time, as if she was mulling over Rey's words. She grew wary in the silence, wondering if she'd said too much, if she sounded crazy. But when she spoke again, she tilted her head to look back at Finn and a soft smile lifted her lips. "Back on Crait," she started slowly, "When the First Order brought their breaching canon to the surface… we were fighting a losing battle. There were so few of us. You saved us. And all Finn wanted, that dummy," she shook her head and her smile deepened, "was to save us too. He thought his life would be worth losing just to buy us time. It was brave and so, so stupid. And I couldn't let him do it. Even though it might have saved the base and more of our people, I… I couldn't let him do it…" She shook her head, "I told him we wouldn't win this war by fighting what we hate, but by saving what we love… Who we love." Rose's dark eyes peered into Rey, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable by what she was implying. "I… I know we don't know each other that well. And I can't say I understand whatever it is you're going through. But I know you give all of us hope. That must be a heavy burden to bear. Finn, Poe, General Organa… even me, we'll never abandon you. But I don't think any of us can quite understand," she gestured to the lightsaber in Rey's hand, "all of this. And all the scary stuff that comes with it. If you're going to help us end this war, you need to be ready. You need to do whatever you have to, whatever it is, to make sure you are."

Rey blinked and turned her gaze downward to her weapon, squeezing it in her hand. Rose's words drifted through her mind and she pondered them thoughtfully. She'd always thought that she'd have to take everything in stride and deal with it as the world handed it to her. But she wasn't ready. For the responsibility that came with what she was. Or the burden accompanying it. She wasn't sure she ever would be. Things would have been much easier if she could have just shut out Ben. If she would have closed their connection forever and pushed forward, becoming the Jedi Luke Skywalker would want her to be. It would have been easier if she never understood him and he'd never consoled her. If he never would have kissed her and opened up the already bulging floodgates to the Dark in her heart. But they were connected, even if she couldn't feel him right now. And she knew she needed him. It wasn't a guilty realization, like she thought it should be, it was a twisting, tangling tug. And she loved it, despite herself. Rey knew that the First Order had to be stopped. It wasn't a matter of who was right and wrong. It wasn't that that Resistance was the one just cause in the universe. It was just the only thing that stood in the way of a purposeless evil. She knew she had to play a role, and she knew she couldn't do it alone. Ben had no desire to join them, but somewhere inside of him, she'd felt his hunger for redemption. For purpose. And he certainly wouldn't be able to find it if he spent the rest of his remaining life fleeing from them.

Rey climbed to her feet, snapped her lightsaber to her belt, and held out her hand to Rose. The mechanic took it and looked at her quizzically as she stood.

"Are you leaving?" Rose whispered.

Rey shook her head, "No. Not yet. I have to fix something first."

Rose leaned in, her face was grave, but her eyes sparkled with unwavering kindness, "Make sure you say goodbye," She turned her gaze to Finn sleeping against the wall and then back, "He'll blame himself. And so will Poe."

She nodded. Rey had no intention of running away. And she wouldn't be going anywhere if she couldn't rebuild her connection to Ben.

A/N: I don't know about you guys, but personally, I love Rose. I know she wouldn't really have any knowledge about lightsabers and their construction, but she's obviously handy and has a lot of information stored in her brain, so I figured her helping Rey with her lightsaber wasn't the most far-fetched. I figured it was more in the realm of possibility than having Rey just do it all on her own. I also wanted Rey to have a conversation with someone about Ben, especially someone who didn't have any personal experience with him.
Anyway, thanks for reading!
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