Duck and Peaches at the Foot of Flower Mountain

By Hans Holm

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan Inc.

and, depending on where you are, several others, most of whom I am

uncertain of regarding things like name and area of influence.

Additional music and lyrics by Lewis Carrol (The Lobster Quadrille),
Ron Miller and Michael Masser (Touch Me In The Morning) and
Leonard Cohen (Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye), Richard
O'Brien (The Time Warp), Tim Rice (Written in the Stars), Stephen
Sondheim (Last Midnight).
Chapters 8 and 9 also include several characters and situations
created by other people. If I tried to list them all, I'd surely forget
some...and it would spoil the surprise. But the important thing is:
They don't belong to me.

I know virtually nothing about babies, and I'm too embarrassed to ask

those who do know.

C & C is appreciated, since it's the only indication anybody reads this.

This takes place after the end of the manga, and about ten months after

Mousse's return (after training at Jusenkyo).

Chapter One

At first, Shampoo didn't consciously notice anything unusual as she

returned to the Nekohanten. However, once inside she realised

something and went back outside, doing the kind of double take that is

hilarious in movies but doesn't work at all in text.

Next to the door was a basket with a sleeping baby. Now, Shampoo

wouldn't be the first to admit that her knowledge of the specifics of

human reproduction was a little shaky. She would, in fact, have denied

it until the point when it couldn't be denied any longer. She knew,

however, that this was NOT the way babies normally show up. This

called for expert help.

"Great-grandmother!"

"What is the matter, Shampoo?", Cologne asked as she came out of

the kitchen.

"What's this"

"A baby."

"I mean, what is it doing here!?"

"Sleeping."

"Did you memorise the whole movie or…"

The question was interrupted by Cologne's staff hitting Shampoo's head..

" We will continue this inside."

Back inside, a quick search concluded that the basket contained a

month-old baby girl, some clothes, a blanket and a letter. Addressed

to Mousse. Since he was away doing whatever he does when he's not

working at Nekohanten and couldn't have stopped her even if he was

there, Cologne opened and read it. Before Shampoo had the chance to

ask what it said, Mousse returned.

"SHAMPOO, MY LO…"

"QUIET, YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY. And let go of the hat-rack."

The first part of this utterance not only stopped Mousse in his tracks,

but also woke the baby.

"Shampoo. The baby. And Mousse: who is Tao Tao?", Cologne demanded.

As Shampoo tried to calm the baby, Mousse turned a very bright

shade of red.

"Uh…S-she was one of the girls at the circus."

"You got along pretty good, I suppose?"

"W-well…we…what do you mean?"

"You can see…well, hear the baby can't you? Who do you think she

is?"

"What…it couldn't…I mean…we did…she said…she said she

wouldn't get pregnant…"

"Oh, well. I suppose there's not much we can do about that now..."

"But what's the baby doing here, what about Tao Tao?"

"According to this letter there was some kind of accident shortly after

the birth, and since Tao Tao didn't have any family, the circus decided

to send the baby to you. By the way, it seems she doesn't even have a

name yet."

"Uh…I was planning to name my first daughter Hairspray", Mousse

said, starting to turn red again "…after her grandmother…"

"But that's MY mother's name", Shampoo interrupted, having

managed to calm the baby and still somewhat confused about what

was going on.

"Now that that's resolved, Mousse you take Hairspray up to your

room and stay there until I call for you. Shampoo, take of your blouse.

GO UPSTAIRS, MOUSSE. NOW."

"Why do you want me to undress, great-grandmother."

"Because I am to old to breastfeed a baby, and, unless somebody

volunteers, you're the only alternative. Now hold still so I can find the

rights pressure points…"

"…or maybe, we should stick to baby formula, until we find a

volunteer", Cologne said to herself, looking at the swinging door.

* * * * *

Shampoo definitively needed to talk to someone. It wasn't until

Nabiki answered the door, that she remembered that Kasumi was on

a trip with some old friends from school and thus unavailable. Nabiki

was certainly not the right person to talk to, so she made up a story

about taking their orders in advance, since she knew that Akane would

be cooking. On second thought, Kasumi was probably not the right

person either, she needed to talk to somebody who would agree on

what jerks men are. Since Mrs. Saotome was unavailable as well, she

only had one real choice.

Ukyo stared in surprise and disbelief as the obviously upset Amazon

stormed into her restaurant.

"Ukyo serve alcohol? Give Shampoo", Shampoo demanded.

"Sorry", Ukyo answered, barely noticing that Shampoo had addressed

her by name, "there appears to be a rule against people to young to

drink it selling it".

Konatsu whispered something in her ear.

"But Konatsu says we have a gallon or so of high quality ice cream, if

that will do. He says it does wonders for him."

"Whatever", Shampoo muttered, slumped over the table and burst into

tears.

Ukyo sat down next to her and put her arm over Shampoo's shoulders.

"OK, tell me what's wrong."

"WhenMoussewaswiththecircushesleptwithoneofthegirlsandshegot

pregnantandnowshe'sdeadandtheysentthebabyhereand

greatgrandmother'sgonecrazyandwantsmetotakecareofit.", Shampoo

explained, in Chinese.

"Whoa…slow down…Let me see if I got this right. You're upset

because Mousse did something?"

"Mumble mumble mumble"

"What?"

"Mousse sleep with other girl!!"

"So why are you upset. You don't even like Mousse!"

"That not point!! Mousse always say he love Shampoo. Why Mousse

sleep with other girl?"

Ukyo, wisely, didn't answer that, possibly because Ranma and Akane

entered the restaurant.

Ranma and Akane froze at the unexpected sight of Ukyo trying to

comfort Shampoo, who was trying to out-Soun Soun. It could only

mean one thing – Ranma had managed to upset his other fiancees

again. No, that wasn't it – if he had they would have been tearing

Nerima (and possibly Ranma) apart by now. This needed an

investigation. Since Shampoo seemed incapable of speech at the

moment, they turned to Ukyo.

"Hey, Ucchan, what's with Shampoo?"

"I think she walked in on Mousse with another girl."

"I thought she would've been celebrating if he did something like

that", said Ranma, "I mean, she doesn't even like him".

At this point, Shampoo's crying gained new strength.

"I can't believe he'd do something like that", Akane said,

"especially since he's always telling her he loves her."

"Maybe she wore a purple wig", Ukyo interjected, "it is pretty easy to

trick him when he's not wearing his glasses".

"What! Spatula Girl sleep with Mousse too!?"

"Let go of her, Shampoo. She only meant that anybody could

convince Mousse that they're you if they tried", Akane said before

realising that this outburst had not included the requisite attack.

"Mousse know girl not Shampoo! Shampoo nowhere near place!"

"Didn't you just say she walked in on him."

"I thought he did. I didn't think she'd be quite that upset otherwise."

"Mousse with girl ten months ago. Now Shampoo stuck with baby."

After this outburst they finally got Shampoo to explain the situation

(from her point of view, withholding the volunteers and pressure

points bits for strategic reasons).

* * * * *

Mousse sat on his bed and tried to gather his thoughts. He hadn't

planned on being a father at seventeen. Well, sometimes he had, but

not a single father and not without Shampoo being the mother. Tao

Tao had been a good friend even if they hadn't known each other very

long. She had in fact been sort of a non-violent Shampoo, except she

wasn't Shampoo and Shampoo was nowhere as forward, at least not

with him. At least Hairspray was quiet…maybe too quiet? No, she

was still breathing so she must be OK. And now Tao Tao was dead.

The letter had said it was an accident, but hadn't given any clues to

what kind of accident, which made him suspicious. It wasn't as if

the circus hadn't included or antagonised people who, well, wouldn't

have seemed out of place if they had showed up to kidnap Akane

(Mousse himself being one example). He really didn't feel ready for

this kind of responsibility. Was babies really supposed to be this

quiet? Maybe she was sick? He really needed someone who knew

about these things to talk with. Cologne wasn't really an option, she

knew about a lot of things, but fatherhood was unlikely to be one of

them. Besides, she tried to have as little as possible to do with babies

and small children – partly because she didn't want to traumatise

them and partly because they're hard to handle when you're not much

bigger yourself. On the other hand, she wouldn't refrain from giving

advice on the Amazon traditions of child-raising, several of which

Mousse, having experienced or witnessed, wasn't too keen to consider

inflicting on his own daughter (or any other child). For fatherhood, he

could only think of three possible advisers in the area – neither of

whom struck him as any shining ideals of fatherhood, and they were

unlikely to have any practical experience in taking care of babies. Not

that he would let them anywhere near Hairspray if he could prevent it.

When it came to any practical, experienced advice or help, he realised,

he only had Mrs. Saotome to turn to, with Kasumi as a possible

inexperienced alternative. Of course, if Mrs. Saotome got involved,

chances were that her prospective daughters-in-law would try to help

out, showing how good they were at taking care of babies.

Mousse's thoughts were broken by Cologne calling him downstairs

and handing him a list.

"What's this, and where did Shampoo go?"

"It's a shopping list for everything you need to take care of a baby.

Shampoo isn't quite ready for children yet, but with any luck she'll

find someone who is."

Mousse took a quick look at the list.

"This is too much! I don't have this much money!"

"Here. Consider it an advance on your pay."

"You realise I'm not going to work here long enough to pay all of that

back."

"Then it's a loan. Now go."

"But, what about Hairspray?"

"If she wakes up before you or Shampoo come back, I'll handle her."

* * * * * *

"I still can't believe Mousse would do something like that", Akane

said as they walked towards Nekohanten, "he's always telling…"

"Yes, yes, yes", Ukyo interrupted her, "you've said that already.

We get the point."

"Aren't we supposed to bring some presents, when we come to look at

the baby", Ranma said, "You know, Frankenstein and murk and

stuff."

"I don't think we have to be that fancy, unless Mousse had the baby

all by himself", Akane said.

"I think it can be forgiven since we didn't get any warning

beforehand", Ukyo added, "right, Shampoo?".

"Uh…what?…sure.", Shampoo said, lost in thought.

"I'm back", Shampoo called as they entered Nekohanten.

"Changed your mind", Cologne asked, "or did you find a volunteer?".

"I, uh…", Shampoo began.

"What are you talking about?", Akane asked.

Cologne sighed, "I'm too old to breastfeed a baby, Shampoo is

desperately unwilling and Mousse physically incapable."

"How about trying to get some nyannichuan-water", Ranma suggested.

"All babies aren't breastfed", said Ukyo, "I wasn't and I turned out fine.

Besides some are allergic and stuff."

"I thought they were supposed to get anti-bodies and things through the

milk", Akane said, "so they don't get sick.".

"Then your answer is no", Cologne interrupted them, "Well, I guess we'll

have to try find a satisfactory substitute instead.".

"So, where is the baby?", Ranma asked.

"She's upstairs, in Mousse's room", Cologne said, "Shampoo, could you

get Hairspray?".

"She's named after Shampoo's mother", she continued seeing the other

three's reaction.

"He's really going in for upsetting Shampoo, isn't he?", Akane said.

"He had promised himself to name his first daughter Hairspray after her

grandmother, it just turned out that the mother wasn't the one he planned.",

Cologne explained.

"Here she is.", Shampoo announced, coming down the stairs with the now

awake Hairspray in her arms.

"Ooh, she's so cute!", Akane said, "Can I hold her?".

Shampoo seemed a little reluctant at first, but handed her over. Nothing

good could come from this, Ranma reflected. The girls were clustered

around the mite, cooing and telling her how cute she was. If pop found out

how Akane acted around babies…

"Ran-chan, do you want to hold her?", Ukyo asked, bringing Ranma out of

his reverie.

"NO!", Ranma screamed, frightening Hairspray, "uh…I mean, guys don't

do that. Guys holding babies look like geeks…uh…I mean…I don't know

how to hold a baby.".

That really was asking for it. A glass of cold water later, Ranma was left

holding a crying baby in her arms. "No…don't cry…please…pretty

please?…uhm, help…she won't stop…" She was getting close to crying

herself.

"You're the one who got her started", Ukyo said, "you comfort her."

"Maybe she's hungry?", Akane said, "Where's Mousse anyway?".

"I sent him out to buy the things Hairspray's caretakers didn't bring along.",

Cologne answered, "I expect he'll be gone for a while."

Ranma finally managed to calm Hairspray down and gave a triumphant

smile as if he'd just beaten Tarou, Herb and Saffron together all on his own.

At this point Kuno came into Nekohanten and saw, well, the pig-tailed girl

with a baby in her arms. His reaction was quite predictable:

"OH NO! PIG-TAILED GIRL, HAS THAT FOUL SORCE…"

Ranma's punch was accompanied by "It's Mousse's".

The reaction to this was quite predictable as well – a tirade directed towards

the vile miscreant, a promise to avenge the pig-tailed girls honour, a short

assisted flight out of the restaurant and running off to find Mousse.

"Heh, I should've thought of that months ago.", Ranma said with a smirk

before noticing the looks she got from the girls and Cologne, "What?".

"Don't you think Mousse has trouble enough without adding an angry

Kuno?". Akane growled.

"Hairspray already lost mother. Ranma trying to get father killed too?",

Shampoo added.

"OK. OK, I'll go look for him, satisfied?", Ranma muttered and left.

* * * * * *

Chapter Two

Mousse wished Cologne had been foresighted enough to add the names and

addresses of the shops to the list. It wasn't as if he usually frequented shops

for baby clothes or any of the other things he needed to buy. For a while he

considered going to the Tendos for help, but then he remembered that both

Kasumi and Mrs. Saotome were away at the moment. He doubted that

Kasumi actually knew where they could find those shops anyway.

Somebody came up behind him. "Mousse-san?"

He turned around and found himself staring at a giant pig which returned

the stare, while it's rider climbed of.

"Akari Unryuu, is it? Ryoga's girlfriend?"

"Yes. Have you seen him?"

"No…but he's bound to turn up sooner or later."

He thought for a few moments.

"Uh… Akari Unryuu, do you think you could help me with something?"

"Well, maybe…and could you please call me just Akari? What is it you

need help with?"

"Just Akari, I…"

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"What…"

"The Just Akari-thing…Don't do that, OK?"

"OK, Akari, I need help to find out where I can buy all these things."

He handed her the list.

"Is somebody going to have a baby", she asked after skimming through it.

"Somebody already has…uh, I don't think you've heard of her…anyway

I need to get all these baby things, because all she have is one set of

clothes."

"Who? Why do you have to do everything?"

"Hairspray, she's my daughter."

"DAUGHTER?!…but what about Shampoo?!"

"I'd rather not talk about it. So, do you know where I can find these things."

"No, but I'm not to proud to ask people."

A short while later, Mousse were laden with boxes and packages, while

Akari went through the list again.

"I think we've got everything but the clothes now."

"They have to wait until tomorrow. I can't carry any more and I don't know

here size."

"You don't know your daughter's size?"

"Until four hours ago I didn't even now I had a daughter. I've spent

most of those four hours shopping and she spent the rest of them sleeping.

We haven't really had time to get to know each other."

The clerk, who hadn't heard this exchange, looked from Akari to Mousse

laden with packages and back again.

"Miss, I think you may be getting a little ahead of yourself. You don't

look pregnant.", she told Akari.

"Actually, we're about a month too late.", Mousse said, starting to turn red.

"and she's only here as moral support", he continued indicating the now

equally red Akari.

As they left the shop, they failed to spot the lost boy across the street.

Ryoga, on the other hand, saw Akari and Mousse laden with packaged

baby stuff leaving a shop together. A quick survey of the situation produced

these facts:

1. Akari have just bought a lot of baby stuff;

2. People usually buy baby stuff when someone is about to

have a baby.

3. Everybody else has someone other than Akari to send

out to buy baby stuff.

4. I haven't done anything. Not that anyway.

5. She's with Mousse.

Conclusion: Akari's having Mousse's baby!!!

This left two possibly courses of action (three if you include trying to find

out what is actually going on):

Have wild and passionate sex with the equally jilted Shampoo to try to

ease the pain; or,

Attacking the (expletive, expletive racial slur) and go out in if not a

blaze of glory, a ki-blast of depression.

It's an obvious choice, really.

Mousse heard the battle-cry "Prepare to die, Mousse!" and felt someone

approaching from above. He pushed Akari out of the way as Ryoga

impacted on the sidewalk, leaving a crater. Ryoga growled at them.

"Akari, get out of here! Now!", Mousse shouted while dodging, "Go get

Ranma or Cologne…"

"But…Ryoga…"

"Is not really himself at the moment. Get help! I'll try to keep hi…"

One of Ryoga's punches connected with Mousse, sending him flying into

Akari and both into a nearby car. At least Mousse managed to twist around

to keep Akari from the worst of the impact. Ryoga was almost on top of

them again.

"Ryoga…please…stop…", Akari pleaded.

He ignored her and continued against Mousse who met him with a knee to

the mid-section. She needed some way to calm him down quickly…

cold water! Spotting a soda vending machine down the street she quickly

made her way towards it.

A sudden and very local downpour stopped Ryoga in his tracks as his shape

became unsuited to punching. As he tried to work out how to kill Mousse

while in pig form someone lifted him by the scruff of his neck.

"Hey, P-chan, Mousse have enough trouble without you expanding your

vendettas.", Ranma said.

"Bwee, bwee bwee", Ryoga explained angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever", Ranma replied, "Listen, he just found out he has a

kid and if you kill him Shampoo will kill you for leaving her with the kid, OK"

"Bwee."

"I was just helping him finding things.", Akari interjected.

"Bwee." Ryoga had decency to look ashamed.

"Oh, and Mousse? Kuno's looking for you to avenge the…hey, he's

unconscious."

"Then you'll have to carry him too.", Akari said.

"Me? What do you mean carry him too?"

"I can't carry him, Ryoga and all these packages all by myself. And

what if Kuno shows up?"

* * * * * *

A short time later they were back at the Nekohanten.

"Hey, where did everybody go?!", Ranma called out.

"Spatul…Ukyo is on milk run", Shampoo said coming down the stairs,

" and, uh, Akane is…aiyah! What happen to Mousse?"

"He was ground zero for one of Ryoga's jumps to conclusion. Lucky

for you that Akane isn't here, P-chan."

"Bwee?"

*Sigh* "Let's turn him back to human first, and maybe get the old ghoul to

take a look at Mousse."

"I'm back!", Ukyo called as she nudged the door open with her foot (until

Akari opened it for her) with her arms full of plastic bags, "Uh, why's

Ryoga half-naked?"

"Because Pig-loving Girl, uh, Akari no want to wait?"

"What's with all the bags, Ucchan? I thought you were only going to get

milk."

"Yeah, but then I realised she didn't have a bottle either or diapers or…"

"So you went and bought the same things Mousse and I bought."

"I got a little carried away."

"You, young lady", Cologne said suddenly appearing behind Ukyo, "are

acting like a very stereotypical girl in a romantic comedy aimed at boys.

Next you'll attempt to impress Ranma with your diaper-changing skills."

"I bought her a plush ducky.", Ukyo said apologetically.

Only her sense of dignity prevented Cologne from banging her head against

the wall.

"Shampoo thinks Ukyo needs pet.", Shampoo muttered.

* * * * * *

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?", Nabiki asked, while Akane

was tearing through the closet.

"They have to be here somewhere. I know they're here.", Akane mumbled.

"Our baby clothes.", she explained.

"Did Ranma enter P-chan in another contest or…"

"Mousse'sdaughtershowedupandshe'sonlygotonesetofclothes…Aha! There

they are!", Akane announced, pulling a large box from the closet.

"Wait a minute! Mousse's daughter?"

"Yes."

"Mousse? As in male Chinese Amazon, long black hair, blind as a bat, turns

into a duck, worth 7500 yen per picture if you catch him outside his robe?"

"Uh…yes."

"Mousse? As in completely devoted to Shampoo? Has a kid? As in has had

sex with a girl? A girl who's not Shampoo? You're joking."

"No…gotta go!"

Nabiki pondered this for a few seconds before coming to a realisation:

"Hey! That's MY baby clothes!"

"Saotome? Did you catch where my daughters said they were going?"

"No…I think it was something about a contest, baby clothes and yen per

picture."

"Ah…just another of Nabiki's schemes then. Your move."

* * * * * *

When Mousse finally came to and was handed his glasses, he found himself

back in his room.

"How did I get back here…and why is Ryoga wearing one of my robes."

"Hairspray, uhm, had, uh, an accident on…", Ranma began.

"IS SHE ALRIGHT!?!"

"Geez, it's not really that kind of accident."

"The only casualty was my shirt", Ryoga added, "Even if it ever gets clean

I'll never wear it again."

"And now we'd like some answers.", Ranma continued.

"How did this happen? How come you've got a kid all of a sudden?", Ryoga

demanded.

"How?…didn't your parents tell you about the birds and the bees?",

Mousse answered with a weak smile (before realising that bringing up

Ryoga's parents might not be a good idea).

"Pops did", Ranma interjected, "but I didn't believe him. I mean, what if

the bird got stung halfway…and then there's the size difference…I mean

an ostrich is really big, but…"

"It just sort of happened", Mousse interrupted, "she was a good friend and

she was upset because her boyfriend had done something and they'd

broken up, I tried to console her and before I knew it she…I…we…", he

trailed off. Hairspray crying and sounds of mounting panic downstairs

brought him back to reality. And downstairs in record time.

Hairspray was crying and turning red in Shampoo's arms. The girls looked

close to panic and it seemed like only instinct prevented them from tossing

Hairspray between them like a unexploded grenade. Possibly they actually

had – Ukyo was holding the bottle. Cologne was nowhere to be seen.

"Give her to me!", Mousse demanded, and without waiting for a reply

grabbed Hairspray from Shampoo.

He should have known something like this would happen. He knew the girls

tried their best, but they didn't really know what to do. Well, neither did he,

but at least he was not trying to impress Ranma with his baby care-skills.

Why was she crying? Was there something wrong with the formula? Maybe

she was allergic to it. Maybe she was sick!

"There…there…everything'll be alright", he whispered, stroking her back

while trying to calm both Hairspray and himself.

Finally, before Mousse had worked himself into cardiac arrest, she burped.

Loudly.

"Whoa, I didn't know something that small could be that loud.", Ranma

commented, mainly to restart the conversation, "Where did Cologne go?"

"She had to go and lie down. I think the unamazon-like atmosphere got to

her.", Nabiki said, "I think we'd better leave before you lot traumatise

Hairspray for life."

"But…but…", Akane began.

"I think Mousse will be able to pick some clothes for his daughter without

your help. Let's go. I'll send Ranma around to get the orders later."

"Orders?…What orders?…", Shampoo said, having forgotten her earlier

white lie. "Oh, those orders."

* * * * * *

"OK, Mousse. I want some answers. Now!", Shampoo demanded as soon as

they were alone.

"I like the red one with kittens on it, but the green and white one fits her

better…", Mousse began still going through Nabiki's hand-me-downs.

"No, no, no! About this Tao Tao woman."

"Huh?"

"HAIRSPRAY'S MOTHER! Who was she? Where did you meet her?

What did she look like? Why did the circus send Hairspray to you?"

"OK, OK. Let me just put Hairspray to bed first."

With that Mousse went upstairs only to return moments later.

"Uh…Where did you put the crib?"

"Oh, we were so busy we forgot to put it together. It's in the big box next to

the door…no, the other side, that's the pram…"

"Did I really buy this much?"

"No, Ukyo bought some of it. She got a little carried away. Why don't you

just put Hairspray in her basket again. Then you can answer my questions

while you put the crib together."

"As I told you before, Tao Tao was one of the girls at the circus. She helped

taking care of the animals…wait, I think I have a picture here somewhere."

"WHY ARE YOU CARRYING A PICTURE OF HER?"

"Because people keep sneaking into my room and going through my things

on a weekly basis. I didn't wa…"

"That wouldn't happen if you told great-grandmother when you get

the new issue of…uh."

"Anyway, here's the picture."

The photo was of two people in front of a tiger in a cage. One was Mousse

unrobed and sweaty, but smiling. Unless Mousse had made more female

friends a the circus, the equally smiling girl with her arms around him had to

be Tao Tao. She had long, almost waist-length, wavy dark brown hair and,

from what was visible from behind Mousse dressed in cut-offs and T-shirt.

If she didn't know better she'd have assumed that they were a couple. A

happy one. It just wasn't fair – she had managed to get a few photos of her

and Ranma in a similar situation, but he always looked very uncomfortable

or just plain terrified.

Mousse brought her out of her reverie.

"Shampoo? My hands are kind of full. Could you look in the assembly

instructions and tell me where this thing goes?"

He was trying to hold what appeared to be a model of Tokyo Tower

together with his hands while balancing what looked like a four-way wheel

wrench on his right foot.

"Where is it?"

"In the box ove…uh-oh." As Shampoo looked for the assembly instructions,

gravity brought Mousse back to square one.

By the time she had tracked them down he had constructed the frame-work

for a scale-model of the Yamato. He was definitely going to need her help.

"Aiyah! These are in Japanese!"

"What did you expect, we're in…damn!" The Yamato went the way of the

Tokyo Tower model.

"Stupid Mousse! Why don't you read the instructions before you start

putting things together?"

"I should be able to put together a DIY crib without reading the

instructions…I mean, how hard can…NOT AGAIN!!" The Spruce Goose

never really got off the ground.

"Are you ready to listen to the instructions now? OK, begin first insert

bars 1 to 3 in slots A to C…"

In less than three minutes Mousse had, under Shampoo's supervision,

produced a very nice scale-model of a model T ford.

"Sigh…can't you even follow simple instructions? OK, I'll do it myself!"

On her own and with mounting frustration, Shampoo managed to turn the

supposed crib into a pedal-driven Harley-Davidson Chopper, the Notre

Dame and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

"Arrgh! Why'd you buy this useless crap, Mousse!…Uh-oh, I have

to get Ranma's dinner ready!" With that Shampoo stomped off towards

the kitchen. As she demonstratively slammed the door to the kitchen

the Creature collapsed on top of Mousse.

By the time Shampoo was leaving to deliver the food Mousse was

working on the Parthenon.

* * * * * *

When she returned it was obvious that Cologne had taken pity on Mousse,

as he was in the process of getting the crib upstairs. Cologne herself was

catching up on her soaps.

"Great-grandmother? Have you decided on Mousse's punishment yet?"

"Punishment? What are you talking about?"

"I mean…uh…don't we have rules against this sort of thing?"

"What sort of thing?"

"You know, boys cheating on girls they love."

"Not when the girl has repeatedly and expressly spurned the boy for

fifteen years."

"So you're just going to let him get away with it!"

"He only did what you have been telling him to do since you were kids…

you're not jealous are you?"

"I AM NOT JEALOUS! MOUSSE CAN SLEEP WITH EVERY GIRL IN

JAPAN FOR ALL I CARE!"

"If you say so. Besides, don't you think being a single parent at seventeen is

enough punishment?"

That night was the first since Ranma's and Akane's failed wedding that

Shampoo was so upset that she couldn't sleep. That Hairspray was clearly

awake didn't help either.

Eventually, Shampoo tired of Hairspray's crying and went into Mousse's

room to get him to do something about it. Mousse was slumped in his

chair, deeply asleep and totally exhausted. She briefly considered waking

him up before focusing on the main problem. "There, there, Hairspray, don't

cry…please? Are you hungry? Let's go down to the kitchen and Shampoo'll

make you some of that scrumptious formula. OK? I'll just put this blanket

on your idiot father first. So. Now, let's go get that formula."

Morning found Shampoo sleeping on a chair in the kitchen with Hairspray

sleeping in her arms. It took Cologne several minutes to decide not to take

this opportunity to hit her pressure points.

* * * * * *

Chapter Three

Mousse was awakened by someone placing a weight on his chest. It wasn't

very heavy, but somehow it got a grip on his hair…and it drooled. At least,

he hoped it was drool. But he had to open his eyes and put on his glasses

before being sure. Then he heard someone speaking softly next to him.

"No, no, Hairspray. If you want to wake daddy up by pulling his hair you

have to pull harder…LIKE THIS!!"

"Waitwaitwait, I'm awake now, OK?"

"Good, then you can go and make breakfast."

"So, Mousse, have you decided on what you're going to do?", Cologne

asked during breakfast.

"Huh?", he answered intelligently.

"Now that you're a father you must learn to be more responsible", Cologne

continued solemnly.

"Well…first I'll have to work out which of my jobs I can afford to quit.

Then I guess I'll have to find a place to live…"

"WHY!?", Shampoo exclaimed.

"So you're not going back to China, I assume?", Cologne asked.

"Not yet anyway. I guess I'm not quite ready to give up on running hot

water just yet. Is there a reason I should get back to China right this

moment?", Mousse answered, ignoring Shampoo's outburst.

"Well, not at this very moment. Not that I know of.", Cologne said,

before adding quietly "After all, Saffron's not much older than Hairspray

at the moment."

"What was that?"

"Never mind."

"What was that about figuring out which work to quit and finding

somewhere to live?", Shampoo asked as they were washing up.

"Well, I don't think I can have three part-time jobs and take care of

Hairspray at the same time. This is the worst-paying and if I quit this I

doubt I'll get free bed and board here, so I might as well see if I can find

somewhere else."

"So you're just going to leave me and great-grandmother to run the

Nekohanten by ourselves!"

"You've managed fine without my constant presence so far. Besides, I

haven't quit yet. So don't start celebrating yet."

"I wasn't…I mean…what other jobs?"

Well…there's this bar/nightclub that has use for both a bartender and an

occasional stage magician…"

"Where?"

"I'm not telling. And in theory they don't let anybody under 21 in.

Besides, I also make more money entertaining kids at one birthday party

than I make in a month here."

"Oh…I'll go talk to great-grandmother…and I think Hairspray needs

a diaper change."

* * * * * *

"Akari? You're our guest. You don't need to make breakfast. I'll handle it."

"It's no trouble, Akane. Besides, I have to repay your generosity somehow."

Ranma was trying to look as if he had nothing to do with the sudden change

of breakfast-cook. He didn't, but who'd believe him?

"So, Akari, what brings you to Tokyo this time?", Nabiki asked while they

were eating. "It's not just a sudden urge to go looking for Ryoga, is it?"

"My school…uh, sort of blew up and…"

"Your school too? It must be something going around", Soun noted

absently from behind his newspaper.

"…they had to close for… what do you mean 'your school too'?"

"Furinkan sort of blew up last week.", Akane explained.

"At night, and Ranma wasn't even near the place", Nabiki added.

"And what are you kids planning for today?", Genma-panda asked via sign.

"Ryoga promised he would show this new technique he discovered!",

Ranma answered as he grabbed Ryoga's hand and made his escape before

his father suggested something that could be interpreted as a double date.

"Unless the novelty's already worn off, I assume Akane and Akari will be

over at the Nekohanten helping traumatise Mousse's daughter", Nabiki

said.

"Her name is Hairspray", Akane muttered.

"Mousse has a daughter? Mousse, as in Shampoo's not-boyfriend?!"

Soun actually looked up from the newspaper.

"The baby's mother obviously thought so", Akari said.

Soun and Genma-panda looked at each other, then they grinned.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Tendo?", Genma asked Soun via sign

before both hurriedly left the room.

"What was that about?", Akari asked.

"Off-hand, I'd say that unless there's a Saotome or Tendo son we don't

know of, we've just witnessed the birth of a plan based on the concepts of

'peer pressure' and 'grandchildren'", Nabiki answered.

* * * * * *

About halfway to the Nekohanten they met Mousse with a sleeping

Hairspray in a pram.
"Got thrown out already?", Nabiki asked.
"No, but Cologne and Shampoo was getting too loud so I decided to take

Hairspray for a walk until they've stopped fighting", Mousse answered.
"Cologne and Shampoo are fighting? Why?", Akane asked.
"It seems Shampoo doesn't like the idea of me moving", Mousse explained

happily.
"What?! You're moving?"
"Are you going back to China?"
"No. Not yet anyway, but since I'm probably going to quit working at the

Nekohanten I don't think Cologne'll let me stay."
"Quit? Why?"
"It's the worst-paying job I have and I need more free time to take care of

Hairspray."
" More free time? I thought you worke..."
"So, have you found somewhere to live yet?", Nabiki interrupted.
"I haven't really had time to start looking yet. Besides it's still unclear

whether I actually have to move.", Mousse answered.
"Will it be an immediate eviction or will Cologne wait until you actually

have somewhere else?", Nabiki said.
"If it comes to it, I guess we can squeeze in some more houseguests...

or maybe Ukyo has some spare room", Akane said.
"It certainly seems she wouldn't mind taking Hairspray off your hands",

Akari added.
"Which would explain why Shampoo is so keen on them not moving",

Nabiki remarked.
"Actually, I think I'll move anyway, eventually. I've experienced
Amazon child-raising techniques first-hand and as long as I live under

Cologne's roof I risk Hairspray experiencing them. At least those that can be

done in the privacy of the Nekohanten", Mousse said.
"That bad?", Akane asked.
"The more I learn about Ranma's childhood, the more I start suspecting that

there's a little Amazon in Genma", Mousse replied.
"Several, if they're Cologne's size", Nabiki added. "Anyway, do you have

anything planned for today?"
"Not really...well, maybe try to explain to Kuno that the pig-tailed girl has

nothing to do with Hairspray...", Mousse said.
"Good! Then we're going apartment hunting!", Nabiki exclaimed.

* * * * * *

A few hours later, the group entered Ucchan's.

"I think that, maybe, four teenagers and a baby are a less than ideal group

composition for apartment hunting", Mousse remarked.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad", Akari said.

"It's not as if we got thrown out of anywhere", Akane noted.

"I'm sure that those shocked expressions won't affect your chances of

getting an apartment, once they realise it's only for you and Hairspray",

Nabiki said. "And there's still a lot of apartments left."

"Sooner or later we'll find someone who hasn't heard of Ranma", Akane

added.

"What are you talking about?", Ukyo asked, interrupting them.

"Mousse is moving, so we've been helping him find an apartment", Akari

answered.

"Moving? Why? And what was that about finding someone who hasn't

heard of Ranma?"

"It seems that people are a little reluctant to rent apartments to people who

appear to be martial artists and show up in the company of several girls",

Mousse answered. "You see, they've heard about this guy called Ranma

who is a martial artists, has lots of girlfriends and has rivals who tend to

cause extensive property damage."

"Maybe we should get you a new wardrobe as well", Akari told him. "If you

dress a little less like someone from a Kung Fu-movie, maybe you'll be less

conspicuous."

"You know, everybody knows that 'this Ranma-guy' always wear Chinese

clothing", Nabiki added.

"He's moving because he's getting worried about raising Hairspray under

Cologne's supervision", Akane said. "It seems she wrote Genma's book on

parenting."

"I can't say I'm surprised…"

Ukyo was interrupted by the phone ringing.

Konatsu answered it.

"Ucchan's Okyo…No, Ma'am…yes, Ma'am…no…no…yes…yes, I'll ask

them…OK, bye. That was Cologne, she asked if anybody's seen Shampoo.

It seems she and Shampoo had an argument and Shampoo ran off…oh, and

Kuno came by looking for Mousse."

"I suppose she wasn't obliging enough to tell him he's here?", Ukyo asked.

"How would she now? It's not as if I planned on going here when I left",

Mousse said.

"He should be able to work it out himself", Nabiki said. "Or at least

remember where foul sorcerers generally hang out around here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"; Akane asked.

"The foul sorcerer Saotome is generally found at the Tendo's, Furinkan,

Nekohanten or Ucchan's", Nabiki said. "Furinkan's out of the question at

the moment and he's already been at Nekohanten. He should get here sooner

or later."

* * * * * *

Shampoo was perched on the roof of the highest building she could find,

and pondered the injustice of it all. It was all Mousse's fault. As always. He

was always messing things up, even when they were kids. And now he'd…

done this. There really should be an Amazon rule against it. Really. But

great-grandmother just laughed at her when she'd brought it up. And

then again when she suggested to give him a raise or something so he

wouldn't move to where they couldn't keep an eye on him and

prevent…this kind of thing from happening again. Once she became

Matriarch she would make sure there would be a rule about that. One that

was reproact…retroact…one that also covered things that had been done in

the past. Then she would get the last laugh. And everybody was getting

all gooey over Hairspray, and were falling over themselves to help poor

Mousse. As if he was just an innocent victim. Even great-grandmother!

Especially Ukyo! She'd even bought stuff for them. If it had been Ranma

they'd be tearing him apart. At least she would. Maybe. But if she tore

Mousse apart, she would be stuck with his baby. And everybody would

blame her. Maybe she could get Ukyo to chase Mousse instead? She seemed

to simply adore Hairspray. Or maybe Akane would realise that she really

loved Mousse? They were always teaming up against her anyway. And

they got along great. Well, apart from the kidnapping but Akane had

forgiven Mousse faster than she had ever forgiven Ranma. And Akane had

given Hairspray a lot of clothes. So Akane liked Hairspray, at least. That

was a start. Everybody liked Hairspray. She was cute, but not that cute.

It probably had something to do with them sleeping out of earshot. And not

being expected to help all of the time. Hairspray was much cuter when

she was sleeping or not doing anything. Which wasn't often. At least

Hairspray would keep Mousse from pestering her all the time. Probably. She

had only been around for a day or so. But Mousse hadn't tried anything

since she showed up. And everybody was changing their schedules to fit

around Hairspray. It wasn't fair. Everybody fussed over Hairspray as if she

was the only thing that mattered. Nobody cared about Shampoo. Nobody

loved Shampoo. Mousse had hardly looked at her since Hairspray appeared.

Maybe Shampoo should have an accident? Then they'd all come to visit

her. If she died they'd all be sorry! Hopefully. But what if they wasn't?

Maybe she should just move out of Nekohanten herself? If Mousse could

get two other jobs, she should be able to get some too. And everything

would be much easier if she had an apartment of her own. Where she

could…do things without great-grandmother noticing. And when had any of

great-grandmother's plans or magic stuff ever worked out as they should?

She would have done much better without her "help", or Mousse's.

At this point her train of thought was derailed by her stomach, which

pointed out that it was way past lunch-time. As she wasn't to keen on going

back to Nekohanten at the moment, she decided to o to Ucchan's. If nothing

else, she could tease Ukyo about how she acted around Hairspray.

* * * * * *

Kuno stopped to think for a moment. The vile miscreant Mousse had had

his way with the pig-tailed girl. Now he was at Ucchan's with five

other girls, not counting the baby. And one of them was Akane! But

something didn't match up – why would they all leave Saotome all of a

sudden. And for Mousse? OF COURSE!! Saotome had only been a

temporary vessel for the foul sorcerer and now it was used up so he had

switched to a fresh body. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Saotome for

days. Since after Furinkan blew up. Yes, it all made sense now. Saotome's

body had been killed in the explosion, so the sorcerer had taken a new one.

It didn't matter. It was his sworn duty to destroy the sorcerer, regardless of

which body he inhabited.

* * * * * *

"Kuno's outside", Konatsu remarked. "You want me to…"

"No, I'll do it myself", Mousse said.

"Foul sorcerer, your reign of…"

"Will you shut up and listen, Kuno? Hairspray is my daughter. HEY!

LISTEN TO ME!! The pig-tailed girl has nothing to do with her. She is

not her mother or her wet-nurse or her god-mother or her future mother-

in-law, get it? She is not involved in any way! LISTEN TO ME!"

"…for good will always triumph over evil. I am the mighty warrior of…"

"(expletive) The hard way it is, then."

"…and I will punish you! In the name of…"

"GET ON WITH IT!"

Kuno drew his bokken and charged.

Mousse jumped out of the way, waiting for the right moment to

counterattack.

He threw a couple off egg-bombs in Kuno's general direction, followed by a

bowling ball in Kuno's more exact direction. Kuno cut it in half.

"Do you have any idea how expensive that was?!"

"Silence, varlet!"

Kuno charged again.

"MOUSSE!", someone screamed.

The almost panicked scream distracted Mousse, who misjudged his dodge.

As Kuno prepared himself for a more solid and final blow, he was hit

over the head from behind and collapsed.

"I can't turn my back without you getting yourself in trouble, can I?",

Shampoo said.

"I was doing fine until you showed up", Mousse said.

"Sure."

"Anybody want to bet on how long it takes them to get to uncute tomboy

or the Amazon equivalent?", Nabiki asked, as the argument rapidly

escalated.

The only answer she got was Hairspray drooling on her shoulder and

the nagging thought that it was probably time for another diaper change.

* * * * * *

Somewhere else…

Imagine a throne room set up in an abandoned amusement park by the kind

of people who gets most of their furniture from what 'the surface-dwellers',

'the up-siders' or whatever term they choose for them throw away…

Since this is a good moment to break the fourth wall and introduce the

people present, we will:

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

The bored-looking man lounging on what was obviously once an expensive

armchair is Blumberg the Sorcerer. They say that if you never change style

you'll be fashionable at least twice during your lifetime and he's obviously

waiting for the 1840's to make a comeback.

The Chinese man to his right, with almost waist-length white hair and

wearing a voluminous black Chinese robe is his current right-hand man,

Wu Jing – mercenary martial artist, thief for hire and general trouble.

The pale girl, dressed like a necromantic stage magician's assistant, who is

sprawling on a sofa is Graveyard Sammi. Since she doesn't need to breathe

any longer the snoring must be coming from someone who is awake.

The bald African in an impeccable white suit and matching eye-patch,

lounging on another sofa, is generally known as Anansi. Further

introductions should be unnecessary.

The man wearing a gas-mask and a midnight blue trenchcoat over a

ragged uniform (the military historically inclined will point out that it is,

in fact, pieces from several different WW I uniforms) calls himself

Lumpen. The trenchcoat flaps in a wind nobody else can feel and

occasionally seems to reach towards nearby objects.

The Indian giant is named Jagannath. Remember: Don't call him a thug,

those are worshippers of Kali, so he might take offence. Not that the

modern and general definition of the word doesn't accurately describe him.

This tableaux is interrupted by the entrance by a female midget dressed in

a style best described as Road Warrior meets A Midsummer Night's

Dream…

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

The midget kneeled before Blumberg and tried to catch her breath.

"I think I've found it. Just a few days after the girl's. uh…accident, another

member of the circus left for Japan."

Blumberg stalked up to her and lifted her by her collar:

"You call THAT finding it, Mab? Finding out that someone went to Japan?"

"He brought something with him", Mab gasped. "It has to be the object

we're looking for…"

"With alll due rrespect, sirr", Lumpen interrupted, "based on what we

allrready know, this in alll prrobabillities lleads us strraight to it's currrent

keeperr."

"Elementary, sir", Anansi said, "We know that only one former member

of the circus currently resides in Japan. We also know his relationship to

the young lady, where and when he left the circus and where he's staying."

"Obviouslly", Lumpen continued, "she entrrusted it to the one perrson she

knew who coulld keep it frrom Wu Jing. Herr intimate frriend Mu Si of

the Joketsuzoku, currrently rresiding in Nerrima."

"Find him, and we find everything", Anansi finished. "As the French say

'Cherchez le canarde.'"

* * * * * *

Chapter Four

It seemed to Shampoo that Mousse took much too long to find an apartment.

Well, maybe not too long quite yet, but he'd been looking for almost a

week now. Even _with_ help from Nabiki! It couldn't be that hard, could it?

In a city the size of Tokyo there had to be thousands of empty apartments.

Both great-grandmother and Ukyo had found entire buildings within days

when they first came to Nerima. Maybe Mousse was just picky. He sure

seemed to worry a lot more now that he had Hairspray to take care of.

"Anybody here?", a voice called from the restaurant. Customers!

There were two of them. One was a tall young man with almost waist-length

white hair and small round sunglasses, wearing a voluminous black Chinese

robe. She could glimpse an unnaturally shiny breastplate under the robe.

The other was a rather thin and nervous-looking girl her own age, with

long greyish-purple hair and dressed in a purple ninja uniform.

"Ah, Miss Shan Pu, I presume", the man said in Chinese, smiling. "Just the

person we were looking for."

"Wh-what do you want?", Shampoo asked.

"Oh, I think you already know the answer to that question."

The man, still smiling, sat down at one of the tables and put his feet on it.

The girl was looking out the window, while fidgeting with some potted

plants.

"I can't say I do."

The man didn't move an inch.

The girl dropped the potted plant she'd been holding.

"Now, see what you made her do! Who'll have to clean up that? Anyway

are you sure you have no idea?"

"Very sure." Stall. Great-grandmother or Mousse will be back any minute

now, or maybe Ranma will drop by for some ramen.

The man's smile shrunk a little, but he still didn't move. The girl dropped

another potted plant.

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!"

The girl started at Shampoo's shout…and knocked over yet another potted

plant.

"Oh dear. It won't help shouting at her. Anyway, according to…a very

reliable source…something was delivered to your boyfriend just a few

days ago."

"MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!"

"Ok, ok. So he dumped you. That's not important. What's important is

that…something that was delivered to him. By some circus people, I'm lead

to believe."

Hairspray! These people were looking for Hairspray!

"N-no, still no idea what your talking about."

The girl turned her attention, or lack thereof, towards a lamp.

"Don't play games, Shan Pu. This is a small house and you spend more time

here than he does. Of course you know what I'm talking about."

"M-mousse is a master of hidden weapons. If he doesn't want you to find

something, you won't…"

Suddenly, he was holding her around the throat and lifting her off the floor,

one-handed.

"You're beginning to make me angry, Shan Pu. You wouldn't like me when

I'm angry."

"I won't let you take her", Shampoo growled.

"Her? Her?! Do you really think we're here for Tao Tao's damn brat?! No,

the other thing that was delivered."

"What other thing? The blanket? The basket?"

"What's going on here?", Cologne demanded, suddenly appearing from the

kitchen.

The strangers and Cologne stared at one another for a moment. Then the girl

made a sound like an angered rodent and vanished into thick smoke.

Coughing and temporarily blinded, the Amazons could hear the other

stranger making a hasty retreat. The smoke quickly billowed out after him.

Cologne was out of the restaurant moments after their strangers, but they

were nowhere to be seen. A figure on a nearby roof caught her attention.

There was something familiar over that silhouette… It couldn't be a

co-incidence. The closer she came, the more familiar the figure seemed. A

few quick leaps and she caught up with him.

The figure stopped as it heard her catch up with it and turned to face her.

"A little far from your usual habitat, isn't it?…Raggedy Man", Cologne

said.

The figure looked at her quizzically, cocking its gas-masked head to the

side like a bird. Then it shrugged and turned around to leap. It seemed

to hesitate for a moment, before turning back again.

"You'rre mistaking me forr someone ellse", it told her, before diving of the

building and faded into the crowd.

* * * * * *

"Why do I have to come along?", Ranma muttered.

"Because we need might need a third opinion", Akane said. "And Ryoga

managed to get away."

"It probably wouldn't hurt if we got you some new clothes too", Nabiki

added.

"Nothing wrong with my clothes."

"Except that they make you easy to recognise, same as Mousse", Akane

said. "And a little variation in your male wardrobe wouldn't hurt."

"Unless there's a reason you have more girls' clothes", Nabiki added. "I

mean, you've got lots of cute girls' clothes, but as a guy you hardly ever

wear anything other than a red shirt and black pants…"

"Mousse always wear that robe…", Ranma muttered.

"Which is why we're helping him buy new clothes."

"…And Ryoga…", Ranma continued.

"Got away", Akari said. "Or he would be getting a new wardrobe too."

"This is all your fault, Mousse", Ranma muttered under his breath. No…

that didn't sound quite right…He really had to work out a battle-cry of his

own for situations like this. Preferably one that would sound good

regardless of who you blamed.

"Sorry we're late", Mousse said, as he arrived with Hairspray. "Hairspray

didn't want to eat."

"She's not sick, is she?", Akari asked.

"I hope not. I think she's just picky with her food", Mousse answered.

"Just like her mother…", he added quietly.

"How can she be picky?", Ranma asked. "All she gets is milk, it's not like

it comes in different flavours."

"Maybe it's the packaging. She has to drink from a bottle while

Shampoo's bouncing arou…"

"NABIKI!!"

"Sorry. I couldn't resist. Anyway, now that we're all here, let's get going."

* * * * * *

In an abandoned building, not far away…

"Well, that was pointless", Wu Jing muttered. "I thought you were supposed

to keep an eye out for the old ghoul."

"I did", Lumpen replied.

"You were supposed to warn us!"

"No, I was instrructed to keep an eye out forr her and, if necessarry, keep

herr frrom interrferring with yourr getaway. She wasn't, so I didn't."

"I gather you were unsuccessful in your attempt to retrieve the item."

"Anansi! What are you doing here?"

"A little spider whispered in my ear that Kemuri will return in a moment

with new information and that my skills might be required."

As if on cue, a tendril of smoke entered through one of the broken windows

and coalesced into the thin ninja girl.

"Sirs? I think you should see this."

* * * * * *

"You know, it's much easier if you help a little."

"Even if you're here against your will."

"I'll just get some shirts, pants and a jacket or two, OK? There's no need to

make a big production out of it."

"But…when are we going to get a chance to see you in a tuxedo again."

"Just prod Akane or Akari a little in the right direction. And then I'll rent

one."

"That may be so, but neither of you are getting out of here until we've found

you some new clothes and made sure that they look good on you."

Mousse and Ranma groaned in unison.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young man", Nabiki commanded. "On to the

fitting room!"

"See, Mousse? You look much better dressed like this."

"Too bad you can't make a second impression on Shampoo."

"Well…a haircut and new glasses and she would never recognise him. Or

maybe contacts…"

"You're _not_ touching my hair, or my glasses. And I'm not buying these

pants, it feels like they'll burst if I move."

"Oh, you're no fun anymore."

"And I can hardly hide anything in these sleeves."

"On the other hand, it isn't really Mousse, is it? And the idea was to get him

clothes that made him look less like someone whose rivals will show up to

wreck the neighbourhood."

"I guess you're right – nice, boring and durable is more appropriate."

"Let's see how they look on Ranma!"

"Wait! I just remembered something!"

"Anything to get out of shopping for clothes, eh, Ranma?"

"Aren't we supposed to meet Mom and Kasumi at the airport…in, like,

just two hours?"

"Damn, I can't believe I forgot about that!"

"It's alright. I think I can handle Mousse on my own. I've helped him shop

before, remember?"

"Ok, see you later!"

* * * * * *

Considerably later…

"That wasn't so terrible was it? You look much better when you're not

wearing a tent", Akari said, while they were having a rather late lunch.

"Let me put it this way: as soon as I find a reason, we're spending the

weekend at a DIY or hardware store, and maybe a baseball match.",

Mousse muttered, still rather uncomfortable in his new, nice, boring and

durable clothes..

"Ok, let's change the subject. What was Hairspray's mother like?"

"Her name was Tao Tao…I have her photo here somewhere…"

"Oh…She's beautiful. How did you meet her?"

"After I went to Jyusenkyo, I joined a circus which was going on tour to

Japan. Well, actually some of the performers saw me practising as a duck

and caught me. Tao Tao helped take care of the animals…She accidentally

found out about my curse…"

"Accidentally?"

"She walked in the moment I managed to get hold of hot water."

"Not a good way to make a first impression."

"It could have been worse…she didn't attack me or start screaming…or

laughing."

"Does that happen to you a lot? I mean…"

There was as awkward silence, thankfully broken by Hairspray who

discovered that her plush ducky had disappeared.

* * * * * *

"Mousse, isn't this just the cutest romper suit, you've ever seen? Aren't

the piglets just adorable?"

"More pigs? Don't you think we should have some variation?"

"Hmpf. You could at least see how Hairspray looks in it before rejecting it."

So they did. It was almost perfect…just one thing…

"…Do you think they have it in green?"

"Didn't you just demand more variation?"

"Huh?"

"You told me to not simply grab anything with pigs on, and now you're

picking up everything with ducks on."

"I do? Must be subconscious or something. I'll put them back…"

"Wait! You don't have to put everything back. Let's see how Hairspray

looks in that overall first. They don't seem to have any more with pigs on,

anyway…"

"How about this snow suit? Isn't it just the cutest thing ever?"

"Wasn't that romper suit the cutest thing ever just a few minutes ago?"

"That was a romper suit. This is a snow suit. See it's got pig ears and

everything."

"But…it's the wrong season. She'll grow out of it before she needs it."

"…I guess you're right. But it is very cute, isn't it?"

"Ooh, look at this! A romper suit with both Pippo and Pekkle!"

"Imagine that…Uh, who are they?"

"They're Sanrio characters, silly! See? Pippo is the pig with a green shirt

and Pekkle is the duck with a red shirt."

"I guess there's no way I can avoid buying it then, is there?"

The shop assistant was a rather thin and nervous-looking girl their own age,

with long greyish-purple hair.

"Your daughter's very cute. How old is she?"

"Just over a month…uh…She isn't my daughter, I'm just helping her

father", Akari said, blushing.

"Ooh, just like in the comics or a movie!…He's very handsome. You're

so lucky to have a guy like that!"

"I-it's not like that! We're just friends!"

* * * * * *

"That's him isn't it?", Kemuri asked.

"Yes. He's changed style, but it's definitely him", Wu Jing said. "And Tao

Tao's brat too. The girl must be his current girlfriend. No wonder he

changed style if he was chasing her instead of the bimbo."

"Harrrumph. Doesn't llook llike much of a fighterr", Lumpen noted.

"No. More of a lover, maybe. Or just some easily charmed girl who just

adores babies…or young, handsome single fathers", Wu Jing replied.

"Then again, appearances can be deceiving. I believe we should find out

more about her before doing anything", Anansi commented.

"Exactlly. No need to rrepeat the Dakarr mess."

"I thought that little spider already told you everything, Anansi."

"Uh…What Dakar mess?"

"How much sense do you think one can make out of a small spider? And

you don't want to know about Dakar, child."

"Anyway it seems our information was out-dated. Kemuri, you stay

here and keep an eye on him, while we go back to see what Mr. B thinks."

* * * * * *

"We're back!"

"You're safe! I was worried they'd find you!"

"Safe? They'd find me? What are you talking about, Shampoo?"

"We had some visitors. They…"

At this point Shampoo suddenly realised that she had glomped onto Mousse

the moment he stepped inside and, after briefly considering beating him up

for getting fresh, settled on simply letting him go.

"They were looking for something they said the circus people had sent you",

she continued. "They were starting to wreck the place when great-

grandmother chased them off."

"What did they look like? Did you get any names?"

"The one doing the talking had long white hair, a black robe like yours and

a metal breastplate, I think. He seemed to know about you and…Hairspray's

mother. Then there was a nin…"

"Wu Jing!"

"Huh?"

"He's Tao Tao's ex-boyfriend. He worked at the circus too for a while…"

"There was a third", Cologne interrupted. "I didn't get a good look at him,

but he looked a lot like an old…acquaintance of mine. But tell me more

about this Wu Jing."

"As I said he worked at the circus too for a while, but he kept…let's call it

misbehaving so we threw him out…"

"We, as in?", Cologne asked.

"Me, Tao Tao and some other martial artists who worked there. Anyway, he

and Tao Tao had worked together for some time before joining the circus.

I'm not exactly sure of what they did but I know it included being hired to

steal things."

"How powerful is he? How many were you?"

"Uh…There were four of us, but he's not that powerful. After all, he's a

mercenary, not a mystical prince or an Inner Asia warlord."

"Could you be a little more specific?"

"I could beat him without help, OK? If he has any special powers or

techniques he didn't use them when we fought."

"But why would he show up here? Now?", Cologne wondered. "It clearly

wasn't for a re-match."

"Maybe…Hairspray's mother stole something from him", Shampoo said.

"Or kept something that they had been paid to steal for someone else? And

maybe he thinks she gave it to Mousse."

"That's one possibility", Cologne said. "And considering that they were

here looking for something, I'd say it's the most likely one. Any ideas,

Mousse?"

"…No, I hadn't even heard from the circus before Hairspray arrived."

"Then there's his companions – the ninja girl and…the other one. Do you

know if he worked with someone other than Tao Tao?"

"No, nobody I know of. But I suppose he'd work with others if he had to…

or if he would gain something from it."

"Great-grandmother, what about the one you recognised?"

"Ah yes, Raggedy Man, or possibly a student of his. I'm afraid I can't help

much – I never really saw him in action, other than the occasional firefight.

Plunger said he'd made an armoured train completely disappear when she

first met him, but never told us how…"

"No wonder your grandfather was forced to study Hidden Weapons,

Mousse."

"Anyway, I always got the impression that Raggedy Man was just another

of all the Western mystery men running around Asia during the civil war.

Martial arts training, a few tricks, some firearms and a mask. Well, the

masks usually appeared once they returned to the West."

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, in the throne-room, a group of people was clustered around a

beach ball-sized crystal ball. Attached to a printer.

"She's a farmer", Mab noted. "And her farm is pretty far from Tokyo."

"Sounds almost too good to be true", Graveyard Sammi said.

"Welll…therre's the matterr of herr Sumo pigs", Lumpen pointed out.

"They'rre not exactlly push-overrs."

"I think we should send King…", Mab said.

"King? Come on, King couldn't find his own backside with two hands",

Graveyard Sammi laughed.

"That's because he doesn't have a sense of touch", Blumberg remarked. "So

you're going with him, Sammi. Now."

* * * * * *

Chapter Five

Graveyard Sammi was not a very patient person. Logically, being classified

as one of the restless dead would disqualify anybody from having that trait.

It didn't help that she was teamed up with the King of Pain, who, in addition

to being useless in any non-violent situation, somehow always managed to

unnerve her (although she'd never admit that). Even under the best of

circumstances this would be frustrating. And now…

She had broken down every piece of furniture into its component parts. She

had torn down every non-bearing wall in the house. She had thoroughly

searched everywhere in the house for secret compartments. Nothing. It

would have helped if she had been sure what she was looking for, but she

hadn't found anything that it could possibly be. And the King of Pain hadn't

even moved a finger to help. As usual.

On the other hand, maybe the girl didn't hide it in the main building…

So the King of Pain would be useful after all.

"The pigs are restless, King. Be a dear and wipe them out, will you? All

of them."

She imagined seeing a smile under its barbed wire mesh mask as it turned

and left. If nothing else that would keep it busy and get rid of those noisy

animals.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, in Nerima…

"Akari?"

"Zzzzz…mmbble…Kasumi! Is something wrong?"

"There's a Mr. Yamada on the phone. It sounded important."

"Mr. Yamada! Where's the phone?"

"Hello, Mr. Yamad…What?…uh-huh…no…no…They what?!…no…of

course, I'll pay for any repairs…yes…no…no idea…well maybe, but it

doesn't make sense…yes, it's better if you don't know…keep me posted,

ok…ok, bye!"

"What was that about?", Kasumi asked.

"Oh, that was Mr. Yamada, one of my neighbours. Something's happening

at the farm. Mr. Yamada thinks somebody broke in or tried to set it on fire

or something. The pigs just commandeered his tractor."

"The pigs commandeered his tractor?", the newly-awakened Ranma said as

he entered the room, followed by Ryoga.

"Yes and they would only do that if it was really serious", Akari explained.

"They…would…only…do…that…if…it…was…really…serious?"

"Yes. For example, if somebody barricaded themselves in the house."

"And what do we do now?", Ryoga asked. "There's no chance we'll get to

the farm on time."

"We'll just have to wait. Mr. Yamada will tell us if something big happens,

or call when things have calmed down and he's had a chance to check what

has happened. Go back to bed."

Who could be behind this? The Sakurabas or Woolworth would know

better…Well, maybe Chieko didn't, but Taka would never let her run off on

her own…and she wouldn't bother to do anything if she or Katsunishiki

wasn't there. The Medbyenovs had more important things to do…Maybe it

wasn't one of her rivals…may be someone was trying to get to Ryoga, by

attacking her farm…

* * * * * *

"This is very bad, Hayashi", Yamada said, surveying the carnage.

"Yup."

"And to think I used to love the smell of bacon in the morning."

"Yup."

"Did you find any survivors?"

"Nope."

"How about you, Maeda?"

"Well…Most of the piglets and the pregnant sows, showed up at my place,

shortly before the explosion."

"GAAARGH! Why didn't you say so in the first place! We've just spent

three hours looking for them and they were at your place all the time!"

"YUP!"

"Uuh…I think I have to go now…I just remembered I have an important

meeting. In New Zealand." Maeda was disappearing in the distance before

any of the others could react.

"Get back here, you… Ah, well. I guess we'll have to go and tell Ms.

Unryuu now."

"Yup."

* * * * * *

In an attempt to avoid diaper-changing duty, Shampoo decided to give the

Tendos and their guests a free breakfast. Maybe she could find out what

Mousse and Akari had been doing yesterday too. She knew they hadn't been

with Ranma and Akane all day – she had met them on their way to the

airport while doing deliveries – and Mousse couldn't possibly take that

long time to buy clothes for. After all, she had seen his new clothes and they

wasn't the kind you spent hours in front of a mirror in, trying to decide.

Making her entrance with her usual flair, she found the household trying to

console Akari, or at least snap her out of her near-catatonic state.

"What wrong with Pi…Akari?"

Nabiki dragged her out of the room before explaining.

"Someone attacked farm?! Why anybody do that?"

Wait a minute…

Shampoo added two and two and, for once, ended up with four. (After all,

this didn't include Ranma with another girl.) Strangers had shown up at the

Nekohanten, looking for Mousse…and they had known who Shampoo and

Great-grandmother were…True, they hadn't got all the details right, but in

general…They got the impression that Mousse had dumped Shampoo…and

Akari had spent the day with Mousse…

"Shampoo have idea who attack farm!"

That drew the attention of the part of the household who felt awkward trying

to console a crying girl and was more comfortable with planning revenge.

"Is long-shot, but…" She told them of her encounter with Wu Jing and his

companions.

The next problem was convincing Ryoga to save his revenge for the actual

attackers, rather than taking out his anger on Mousse.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, Mousse was also occupied in thought:

What could Wu Jing have been looking for since it wasn't Hairspray…

-FLASHBACK-

"DON'T TOUCH THOSE!", Mousse screamed at Tao Tao, when he

realised what she was currently juggling.

"Gee, Mu Mu, it's just some of those water bottles you'd hid at the bottom

of your trunk", Tao Tao answered without stopping.

"No, you don't understand", Mousse said while trying to snatch them away,

"it's magic water – it's very dangerous."

Tao Tao froze, apparently forgetting the bottle flying over her head.

"What?"

Mousse, vaguely sensing the missing bottle, took this opportunity to tackle

Tao Tao away from the bottle. The bottle landed on the small of his back,

but luckily didn't break.

"I like you too, Mu Mu, but could you stop groping me and tell me about

the water?", Tao Tao said, while trying not to start laughing.

Mousse, realising where his hands were (next to his face but, ahem, a little

further above ground level), stood up rapidly and tried to hide his nosebleed

by turning the rest of his face bright red too.

"Ooh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", Tao Tao teased him.

pinching his cheek, "but what about the water?".

"You know about my curse, it's water from the same spring I fell in."

"So anybody hit by this water will turn into a duck? Cool. What are you

planning to do with it?"

"Isn't that obvious? I'm going to turn someone into a duck."

"Anyone special in mind? That girl you're always going on about…

Chomper?…Champagne?"

"No, but there's this guy who takes advantage of her and lots of other

girls…"

"So, you're going to turn him into a duck, and then?"

"Uh, I hadn't really planned that far ahead…kick the crap out of him and

go back to China with Shampoo, I guess."

"OK. Hey, now that you've shown your secret stuff…"

"I didn't show it, you just went through all my stuff, without asking."

"Details. How about I show you mine?"

"Sure."

They went over to Tao Tao's caravan, Tao Tao dragged out one of her

trunks and then opened a secret compartment in the bottom.

The compartment held a small figurine made of flint. It was vaguely

humanoid in shape, hunchbacked with differently sized limbs.

"What the hell is that?", Mousse asked.

"I'm not sure.", Tao Tao said, "This creepy European guy hired me and

Wu Jing to steal from a whole group of other creepy European guys,

but then he didn't want to compensate us for all the trouble we went

through, so I sort of made a copy and kept the original. I think it must be

magic or something."

"I doubt anybody would want this for its aesthetic value,", Mousse agreed,

"but how did you make a copy?"

"He wasn't really sure what it was supposed to look like, I think he said

something about it changing shape."

"So it's a small piece of stone that changes shape. Do you really feel safe

with such a powerful magical artefact hidden in your caravan? You'll be

swarmed by evil sorcerers and creatures of the night if this ever gets out."

"I know, as soon as I figure out a safe place to hide it, I'll get rid of it."

-END FLASHBACK-

Yes! That was it! Wu Jing and his companions had been looking for that

stone and now they thought he had it. Or maybe Wu Jing was just planning

revenge and was trying to mislead him into thinking he wasn't. Besides, he

didn't have the stone. Or if he did, Tao Tao had never told him she left it

with him.

* * * * * *

"But why would someone who's after Mousse attack the Unryuu farm?",

Akane asked.

"They're looking for something they think…that other girl left with

Mousse", Ranma explained. "And because Shampoo denied being Mousse's

gir…"

"SHAMPOO NOT MOUSSE'S GIRLFRIEND!"

"…Because Shampoo explained that she's not Mousse's girlfriend, and

he spent the day with Akari, they must have assumed she was his

girlfriend."

"But why did they attack the farm?", Akane asked again.

"Maybe they thought Mousse hid whatever they're looking for there",

Ranma said. "Or maybe they just wanted to make a point by targeting

people close to him."

"So why didn't they wreck Nekohanten instead?", Ryoga muttered.

"Because they frightened by Great-grandmother", Shampoo said.

"Anyway…let's see if Mousse has anything to say."

* * * * * *

"Yes, that sounds reasonable, I guess", Mousse agreed. "And I wouldn't put

it below Wu Jing to do something like that…"

"On the other hand, Akari thought it was possible that some of her rivals

was behind it", Akane said.

"Maybe you should go there and see if they left some clues", Ranma added.

"Ask the neighbours what they saw, and stuff."

"'You'? So you're not going to do anything, Ranma?"

"Ah…uh…I mean…There's no point in all of us going there, is there?"

"Ranma…"

"Uh…If they targeted Akari because they thought she's Mousse's girlfriend,

who says they won't attack Ucchan's or the Tendos too…"

"He's got a point there", Ukyo noted.

"I think that Ryoga and myself should be able to handle this without

Ranma", Mousse remarked. "We'll go with Akari to the farm, and you stay

here and protect all the other girlfriends I didn't know I have."

"Shampoo go too", Shampoo said. "You two need help to even find farm.

Besides, they beat pigs. Maybe too strong for just you…And Akari no in

shape to look after Hairspray right now."

"Uh…right", Mousse muttered.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to bring Hairspray", Ryoga said. "I

mean, what if they are still there?"

"I guess you're right", Mousse said. "But we can't just leave her here."

"Great-grandmother no handle babies unless big emergency", Shampoo

explained.

"So get a baby-sitter", Ryoga groaned. "It can't be that hard. After all, the

girls have been all over her since she showed up."

"Jealous, P-chan?", Ranma stage-whispered.

"Uh…What are you doing, Ukyo?", Akane asked.

"Uh…ah…Just exercising my arm. See?" To emphasise her point she

put a little more energy into her waving.

"Of course!", Mousse exclaimed. "The answer's right in front of us!"

"You'll put her in the fridge?!", Shampoo asked, following the direction

Mousse pointed.

"NO! Ranma!"

"What? Me? But I…", Ranma protested, backing towards the wall.

"Ranma, do you think your mother could look after Hairspray while we're

away?"

* * * * * *

"They've spllit up", Lumpen noted. "The supposed girrllfrriend is going to

herr farrm togetherr with the not-girrllfrriend, Mousse and what llooks

suspiciouslly llike one of the Hibiki boys. The baby willl be staying with the

rredhead's motherr."

"Why are they doing this to us!", Anansi screamed. "We're supposed to

kidnap the supposed girlfriend and the baby. Would it kill them to be a little

more co-operative?"

"Now, now. How was it the boss-man phrrased it?"

"I thought it was your turn to pay attention."

"Neverrmind. It was something allong the llines of get the girrll, the baby

and/orr whoeverr they'rre with at the time."

"In other words: anybody we think we can get away with kidnapping."

"One coulld easilly prrovoke the wrrong people whille folllowing orrderrs

llike that."

"Oh yes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

* * * * * *

"Do you think Hairspray'll be okay?", Mousse asked to break the silence.

"Off-hand, I'd say that Mrs. Saotome has more experience handling babies

than any of us", Ryoga answered.

"But…but look how Ranma turned out!"

"That not Ranma's mother's fault", Shampoo said reassuringly. "Besides,

is just for while. We back before you know…Where Ryoga going?"

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do", Ryoga replied.

"Huh?"

"I'm going to the bathroom, OK?"

"It's that way. Mousse, help him get there. And back again", Akari

ordered.

"I think I can ge…", Ryoga protested, but was interrupted by Akari.

"Last time, you ended up on the bullet train between Fukuoka and Osaka.

And we began on the subway in Tokyo."

Seems like she's recovered from the shock, Shampoo thought as the boys

left. Besides she probably needs something to take her mind of the farm and

I need the truth, so…

"What Mousse and Akari do all yesterday? Shampoo know you alone most

of day, so tell truth! Even if think Shampoo can't handle truth!"

"Calm down, Shampoo. We just went shopping, and we talked…"

"About who? Shampoo want to know!"

"You know, for someone who insists she doesn't care, you sure seem…"

"SHAMPOO NOT JEALOUS!"

"OK, OK. If you really want to know we talked about Hairspray's mother.

It sounded like she was really nice."

"That all? Nob…nothing else?"

"Ah, so that's what's been eating you! Have you considered actually

talking with Mousse himself? Not that you really care, of course…"

"That right, Shampoo no care. And Mousse been too busy lately."

"But right now you've got a few hours of train travel ahead of you. How

about going for it once Ryoga and Mousse gets back?"

"Shampoo not sure. We supposed to guard Akari…"

"If you and Katsunishiki can do it, then I'm sure Ryoga and Katsunishiki

can do it too. Don't worry. Besides, who's going to attack while we're

inside a moving train?"

* * * * * *

Back in Nerima…

"Hold still, you little brat!"

"A manly man, Ranma, is secure enough in his masculinity to do women's

jobs without complaining", Nodoka said sternly.

"Akane is more masculine than most guys I know, and she complained."

"If Mousse's daughter does the same to your shirt that she did to Akane's,

you'll get to complain too…and she still did her job."

"Besides, you said you could do it better", Nabiki added. "And that you'd

better get some practice, anyway…"

"I don't see you risking shirt and dignity practising", Ranma muttered.

"What was that, Ranma? Did you say that you wanted me to repeat your

comment that you 'are going to need the practise since Akane's so bad at

this' so Dad can hear it?"

"I don't think you can get out of this, Nabiki", Akane interjected. "I think I

saw Auntie Saotome and Kasumi working on a schedule…"

"Sorry, but I have a important meeting starting soon. Have fun playing with

the spore!"

"Oh no, you don't! Get back here, Nabiki!"

The opportunity for babycare-practise was quickly forgotten in favour of a

game of catch-Nabiki-and-carry-her-back-home-to-join-the-fun.

"They left before I could give them the shopping list", Nodoka noted.

"Then we'll have to go shopping ourselves instead", Kasumi replied.

"But…we can't take Mousse's daughter with us. What will the neighbours

say?…"

"Oh, those wacky Saotomes. I wonder what Ranma's done this time",

Genma-panda interjected via sign, as he lumbered past.

"…And we can't leave her with Genma and Soun", Nodoka continued.

Before Kasumi could answer, she was interrupted by a surprised yelp,

followed by a thud, from the living-room.

"Kasumi?…Help?", Soun called. "This little girl has a really incredible

grip…"

"I know, Daddy. But…"

"If I didn't know better I'd say it's the infamous Tendo deathgrip."

"If it's a Tendo technique, don't you know a counter?", Nodoka asked. "Or

is it too…"

"It's not exactly a technique…and the counter is hard to do without the

mother or a good substitute…"

"I'll go get her bottle. That worked before."

"OK…and Kasumi?"

"Yes, Daddy?"

"Please hurry."

"But what about the groceries?"

"You go get Hairspray's bottle, Auntie, and I'll do the shopping."

Kasumi could move pretty fast when the occasion required it.

* * * * * *

"You sure took your time", Akari remarked.

"I couldn't follow him all the way into the can, could I? Then he had trouble

finding the door again when he was finished."

"We lucky Ryoga not leave through window. Or flush himself."

"Anyway, I think Shampoo wants to ask you something, Mousse. In

private."

"I-i-in p-p-private?", Mousse stuttered as Shampoo dragged him away

looking for a suitable secluded place. And debating with herself whether she

should take revenge on Akari for this or not.

OK. Now we're alone, in an as private place one can find on this train.

What do I do now? He's just inches away. What should I say? Why did I let

Akari talk me into this? Why don't I ever think before doing something?

What do I want? I must say something…soon, or he'll get the wrong idea…

"Shampoo…"

"Mousse…" It's just Mousse. The same old stupid Mousse that you've

known since you were babies. The same old stupid Mousse that would do

anything you told him to. Almost anything. The same old stupid…

"Shampoo, wasn't there something you wanted to talk about?"

"No!…I mean…Yes! I-I…uh…you know…I mean…I just want to know…

uh…whyareyouignoringmeallofasuddenyoureactinglikeyoudontcareabout

meanymoreeversincehairsprayshowedupyouvebeenactingdifferentandyou

neverevenmentionedtaotaoorthatyousleptwithheristhereanythingelseyou

forgottotellmeaboutanyothergirlsboysfianceesrivalscurseslonglostrelatives

marriagecontractsforourkids?" So there, that wasn't so hard was it?

"Uh…My hovercraft is full of eels?"

*Blink*Blink*

WHAP!

"D-don't you dare make fun of me, Mu Si!" Jerk.

"I was trying to lighten the mood."

"You ruined it! You always do! Whenever I start to…Whenever I think

you…You always mess up! Now I ask a simple question and you won't

even give me a straight answer!" Insensitive jerk. Jerkjerkjerk. Idiot.

"Whoa! Calm down! Please? Let's try this again: Wasn't there something

that you wanted to say?"

"No. I have nothing to say to you, Mu Si. Go away!"

"How can I give you a straight answer if I don't know the question?"

"Are you still here? Go away!"

"Uh…You're blocking the exit."

"I DON'T CARE!"

"But I can't…"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Whapwhapwhap!

There was a not inconsiderable and somewhat uncomfortable silence.

"Have you calmed down yet?"

"I'm not speaking to you."

"Can't you at least tell me what you're mad about? I mean…I haven't done

anything for at least a week…ever since Hairspray arrived…"

"EXACTLY! A baby shows up with a note saying it's yours and suddenly

it's Hairspray this and Tao Tao that and you're running around all over

Tokyo with Akari and Nabiki!…AND I'M NOT JEALOUS!!"

"Uh…I…Well, Cologne said I had to learn to be more responsible."

"If you had been more responsible earlier we wouldn't have been in this

mess! Ever heard of counterper…contraspec…those rubber thingies that

keep you from having babies!? And what is so responsible about running

around with Nabiki?"

"Shampoo, I'm…"

Suddenly, the door broke and they tumbled out into the aisle.

Landing in front of a pair of familiar looking feet.

"Uh…It l-looks l-like someone has made progress", Ryoga said. blushing.

"It…It's not what it looks like!", Mousse and Shampoo protested as they

untangled into an uncompromising position – several feet apart.

"I thought you were taking a long time…", Ryoga continued.

"What Ryoga doing here? Is supposed to watch Akari!"

* * * * * *

Akari was awakened from her reveries by someone singing.

%…waiting on the shingle – will you come and join the dance?

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?%

She looked up. Nobody else seemed to notice anything. Katsunishiki had

fallen asleep on the seats across the aisle. And where had Ryoga gone off

to?

% Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?

You can really have no notion how delightful it will be

When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!%

It was coming from outside the window! Looking out, she found herself

face to upside-down face with an African man in an impeccable white suit.

He smiled and tipped his hat.

"Made you look!"

Nobody seemed to notice the shattered window-pane or Akari's abruptly

cut off scream.

* * * * * *

Chapter Six

Mentally cursing her husband and his best friend's inability to understand

sarcasm Nodoka picked up the receiver, while simultaneously trying to

bottle-feed Hairspray.

"Mrrs. Saotome? Whateverr you do, don't llook behind you", a voice said.

Turning to face it she had enough time to catch a glimpse of a gas-mask and

hear a deep, heartfelt sigh.

"Nodoka? Who was it?…Nodoka?…NODOKA!"

Next to the phone somebody had left a note.

"This isn't Nodoka's hand-writing, is it, Genma?"

"No. What does it say?"

"I think the first line says 'To Mu Si of the Joketsuzoku', but the rest is too

blurry to read."

* * * * * *

"Calm down, Ryoga! Getting angry won't help…"

"Easy for you to say! Your girlfriend didn't just vanish…No, wait! I

forgot – Akari is your girlfriend, it's your enemies who kidnapped her…"

"We not know yet. Wait until we seen farm, maybe clues there. And Akari

NOT Mousse's girlfriend! Either."

"We know that, but they obviously don't…this is all your fault,

Mousse!"

"But beating me up won't bring her back!"

"Why not? If Mousse's enemies, they be happy if Mousse beaten up."

"Thanks a lot, Shampoo…"

"Mousse no want Shampoo help? Want Shampoo to drink this glass of

water, instead? Glass of cold water…"

"Shampoo…"

"Mo…Meeooww!"

Whatever Shampoo was going to say next was cut short as Katsunishiki

accidentally knocked her glass over as he positioned himself to give the

boys his angriest 'the mistress has been kidnapped and you're fighting

each other' glare.

"He's trying to tell us something, isn't he, Ryoga?"

"I guess so…But we're nowhere near Akari's…Maybe he wants us to stop

fighting and concentrate on what's important, like finding Akariioouch…

and some hot water for Shampoo."

"First some lunatic blows up Akari's farm and kidnaps her and now we just

got lectured on how to behave by a pig. This day couldn't possibly get any

better."

Mousse found out just how wrong he was when they finally arrived at their

destination and he called the Tendos to make sure everything was alright.

* * * * * *

When Akari came to, she found herself lying on a bed in a small,

windowless but well-furnished room. True, most of the furniture looked like

it had been thrown away by several previous owners, but it was far better

than she expected the average kidnapper to bother with. The door was

locked, though. OK, what would Ryoga do?…No, that was wrong…What

would Akane do? Good question. She had meant to ask her that for

months. Surely Akane did more than just sit around waiting for Ranma to

rescue her…And if she just sat around, she'd be here for a very long

time, considering Ryoga…On the other hand, Mousse seemed to have had

his head screwed on properly ever since Hairspray turned up and Shampoo

could be very sensible when necessary. At least sometimes. Probably.

Akari started as the door opened. A creature (man? woman?) completely

covered in robes and veils shambled in carrying a tray of food in its mitten-

covered hands.

"Ssoo, yoou arre finallly awake", it said, its unseen eyes scrutinizing her. It

was definitively female by the sound of it but the voice, like the rest of it

somehow seemed wrong.

"Yoou willl meet Ssimon afterr yoou have eaten and rressted. He willl

expllain everrything", it continued as it put the tray on the table and

bowed. Then it left just as Akari was about to start asking.

* * * * * *

As soon as Mousse, Shampoo and Ryoga returned to the Tendo home,

Soun switched from his cry-baby persona to his 'serious and supposedly

threatening' one.

"Mousse. What does this note say?", he demanded.

"Uuh…It says that they'll return Hairspray, Akari and Mrs Saotome once

I return the stone to them…"

"What stone?", Shampoo asked.

"Hmm…Tao Tao had this magic stone that she and Wu Jing had stolen and

she said she'd get rid of it once she found a safe place for it."

"So she gave it to you…", Shampoo began.

"No!…At least I don't think so. She would have told me. I think."

"A magic stone?", Soun said. "Any idea what it does? Or where she might

have hid it?"

"She said something about it changing shape or something."

"Changing shape? Does it turn into a different stone when splashed with

cold water or under the full moon or something?", Nabiki asked.

"I don't know. We didn't talk about it that much."

"She didn't tell you where she hid it?"

"I'm trying to remember if she did! Stop crowding me!"

With that, Mousse left to find somewhere quiet to think.

* * * * * *

When the door was opened again it was by a somewhat familiar-looking,

thin girl with long greyish-purple hair.

"Doctor Blumberg will see you now", Kemuri said. "Follow me."

"Didn't you work in the baby-clothes store yesterday?", Akari asked.

"I was undercover", Kemuri replied.

"But it paid better", she continued quietly. "And your boyfriend is

very handsome."

"Uh…You know, Mousse isn't my boyfriend", Akari tried.

"Figures. I guess you're one of Saotome's then."

"No. At times it seems I'm the only one who isn't."

"The Hibiki kid?"

"Yes."

"Still very handsome…Soo, Mousse's still available?"

"I think that depends on Shampoo's mood."

"Oh well. Anyway, it's time for you to meet the gang."

Akari resolved to never again think of the Nerima gang as odd. Even if

what's-his-name…Garter?…Lingerie?…and those bird people decided to

become permanent residents.

The handsome young man on the antique armchair looked normal enough.

Strange clothes, but not worse than what, say, Mousse or Kuno wore on a

daily basis.

The tall young man to his right looked a lot like Mousse with the colours

reversed – similar clothes and hair but black robe and white hair. It had to

be that Wu Jing-character.

The…person in robes and veils was standing by itself further towards the

back wall.

The African from the train was standing to Akari's right, talking with

someone wearing a gas-mask and a dark blue trenchcoat which seemed to

have a mind of its own, and a very pale girl dressed in black.

To Akari's left a midget, who, judging by her clothes, was a practioner of

full-contact ballet, was sleeping on a sofa, while someone dressed in a

black robe, fencing mask and a liberal amount of barbed wire was sitting

in the lotus position next to it.

Moments later, they were joined by Nodoka and Hairspray, escorted by a

huge Indian.

"Mrs. Saotome? What are…"

"Akari? What are…"

"Well, now that the three of you are here, I guess you're wondering why…",

the man on the armchair began.

"I'm not Mousse's girlfriend, you know", Akari interrupted.

"The old woman is here because Lumpen and Anansi thought it would be

fun to misinterpret your orders", the midget, not as asleep as she had appeared, added.

The man leaned back, holding his head and obviously feeling a headache

approaching. "Anyway, you're here because your friend, long lost brother,

secret lover, clone, grandfather twice removed and reattached to a different

branch of the family tree, whatever, Mu Si has something that rightfully

belongs to me and which, since it only works at certain times, I don't have

the patience to wait for him to die of old age to get back. OK?"

"And the fact that my son, Mousse and all their friends will soon arrive to

rescue us, doesn't bother you at all?", Nodoka asked.

"Not the slightest. For two reasons: One, they don't have the slightest idea

where to find us…"

He made a pause, to give the rescuers a chance to make a dramatic entrance.

"And two…", he said with a cat's cradle of lightning playing between his

fingers. "Ranma Saotome is a sputtering candle. I am the sun."

* * * * * *

On a reasonably secluded roof-top, Mousse tried to gather his thoughts.

Wu Jing and his friends thought he had that figurine Tao Tao had shown

him and would exchange Hairspray, Akari and Nodoka for it. But he

didn't have it, or if he did Tao Tao hadn't told him…and he didn't know

where she had hid it, did he?

-FLASHBACK-

"So, you're leaving", Tao Tao said with a hint of disappointment.

"Well…I DID only sign on for this far."

"And now you're going to stay here and try to catch Shampoo despite

the mess you made tonight. If she had any sense she'd beat you up and

throw you out, before you do something like that again. Do you know how

hard it is to get tigers?"

"Easier than getting tigers that turn into ducks. How did it get loose,

anyway? I doubt Shampoo simply decided she needed a tiger…"

"I…uh…I mean…I was hoping it would distract her."

"Aw, man. Why did you do that?"

"I…I thought you needed help, well, less opposition, anyway."

Somewhere outside Ao-Ning was playing his saxophone again, as if on cue.
He recognised the melody - a love song, if he remembered correctly, but he
couldn't remember the title or the lyrics. Then Shenbao's voice, eventually
joined by Hao's, seeped in, adding the words.

%…can say goodbye in the cold morning light
But I can't watch love die in the warmth of the night
If I've got to be strong
Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone?
'Till you go I need to lie here and think about
The last time that you'll touch me in the morning
Then just close the door
Leave me as you found me, empty like before

Hey!
Wasn't it yesterday
We used to laugh at the wind behind us?
Didn't we run away and hope
That time wouldn't try to find us (Didn't we run)
Didn't we take each other
To a place where no one's ever been?
Yeah, I really need you near me tonight
'Cause you'll never take me there again
Let me watch you go
With the sun in my eyes
We've seen how love can grow
Now we'll see how it dies

If I've got to be strong
Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone?
'Till you go I need to hold you until the time
Your hands reach out and touch me in the morning
(Mornings where blue and gold and we could feel one another living)
Then just walk away
(We walked with a dream to hold and we could take what the world

was giving)
We don't have tomorrow,
(There's no tomorrow here, there's only love and the time to chase it)
But we had yesterday
(But yesterday's gone my love, there's only now and it's time to face it)
Touch me in the morning...%

Tao Tao's sobbing brought him back to reality. To be more exact Tao Tao

breaking down and crying into his shirt did.

"Wait a minute! Who are you and what did you do to the tough and

confident Tao Tao I knew?"

"I-I'm just worried. What if Wu Jing comes back now that you've left or

somebody working for that creepy European guy…"

"I think Shenbao or Hao should be able to handle it."

"Do you really believe he would have stayed around if they could have

handled him?"

"Point taken. OK, if he ever troubles you again or you need help just send

for me and I'll come help you out. How does that sound?"

"Th-there is no way I can persuade you to stay, is there?"

"No…"

"I just want you to do me one more favour before you leave us. Please?"

"Uh…sure."

"There's this shrine just outside Tokyo that I've heard a lot about and

there's something I want to do there. Will you come with me?"

-END FLASHBACK-

Of course! He had wondered why she had been so interested in a Shinto

shrine, but he had gone there with her…that must be where she hid the

figurine. Come to think about it, didn't she say something about the shrine

being impossible to enter for wizards or supernatural creatures or

something? Not cursed people apparently, but if that creepy European she

talked about was a wizard like she said, the mere rumour might make him

wary of the place…

Then it him.

"Mousse?…Hey, Mousse!"

Then someone else did.

"What did you do that for…Ranma?"

"You didn't respond when I called. It was the best way to get your attention

I could think of."

"Why?"

"We've been looking all over for you. Found the were-stone yet?"

"No, but I have an idea where it is. I'll tell you back at the dojo."

* * * * * *

"Mrs. Saotome?"

"Yes, Akari."

"You wouldn't happen to know what Akane does in situations like this?"

"No…But in my experience it is generally best to wait for the rescue,

unless you know exactly where you are. Could you hand me the diaper-

bag?"

"This used to happen to you a lot when you were my age, didn't it? Back

when you met Genma…"

"No, not really. Once or twice, maybe, but there were others who were more

kidnapable. And that was years before I met Genma."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Can I coome in?", a voice, easily identified as belong to the person in robes

and veils, asked.

"The key is somewhere on your side of the door, I believe", Nodoka replied.

"Step right in."

"What do you want?", she continued.

"Tallk with peooplle whoo can at lleast passs foorr ssane…And ssince

Ssimoon wassn't verry hellpfull in expllaining why yoou'rre herre I

thoought I shooulld trry even if he hassn't rreally toolld me eitherr."

"Uhm…Sure", Akari said.

"Go ahead", Nodoka added.

"Noow, wherre too sstarrt? Ah! Ssimoon hirred Taoo Taoo…the mootherr

oof thiss llittlle ssweetie…and Wu Jing…that'ss the Chinesse gentlleman in

the rroobe…too, ass he callled it, rretrrieve a magic sstoone frroom a

grrooup oof missguided chilldrren in Frrankfurrt. If yoou want the trruth,

it neverr belloonged too him, thoough a frriend oof hiss had it in hiss

poosssesssioon foor a while. Anyway, then Ssimoon trried too trrick them

insstead oof paying what he prroomissed soo they absscoonded with

the rreall sstoone, lleaving him with a normal stone."

"So how come Wu Jing is still working for him?", Akari asked.

"I think Taoo Taoo finallly had enoough and thrrew him oout. He sshoowed

up a few moonthss llaterr, voollunteerring too hellp trrack herr doown and

rretrrieve the stone."

"What is about that stone? What is it that it does that makes it so valuable?

Why does…Simon…want it?", Nodoka asked.

"It'ss ssuppoossed too be ablle too llift currssess and curre defoorrmitiess,

turrn thingss human…Ssimoon wantss it foorr me. I didn't alwayss loook

this way."

Then she removed her veil.

"Wh-what h-happened to you?", Akari managed once she'd recovered from

the shock.

"Y-you said something about a curse", Nodoka added.

"Yess. I'lll give yoou the sshoorrt verrssioon. When we werre yooung

Ssimoon sstumblled upoon a way too becoome immoorrtall and

decided too usse it oon uss. It woorrked oon him, but turrned me intoo

thiss…"

"When you were young? Simon can't be more than, what, twenty-five…",

Nodoka began.

"He wass boorrn in 1823. We'rre immoorrtallss. He'ss been trrying too

turrn me back everr ssince, but alll it dooess iss making it woorsse. I cooulld

sstilll passs foor human in the beginning."

* * * * * *

"Are you sure that's where do stone is?", Ranma asked.

"Well…no. But it's the only place I can think of that we can get to easily,

so I might as well go there first", Mousse answered.

"So you're assuming she left it there just because it's easiest for you to get

to?", Akane said.

"I think Tao Tao said something about it being protected from wizards and

she was worried about the guy she took the stone from. And I can't really

think of any other reason for her wanting to go to a Shinto shrine."

"Then what? We go to the shrine…", Ranma began.

"We?"

"They kidnap Ranma's mother and Akari too", Shampoo explained. "What

make you think we let you do this on own?"

"As I said, we go to the shrine, beat up the inevitable guard, find the stone

and then what? We go back here and wait for the bad guys to give the

hostages back?"

"I suppose so. I…I hadn't thought that far. What do you suggest we do?"

"The first thing to do is find out where they keep their hostages", Soun

interrupted before Ranma could answer.

"What about the stone?", Akane interjected.

"Well, Mousse thinks he knows where it is and it shouldn't be going

anywhere", Soun said.

"And how do you suggest we find where they are hiding their

prisoners?", Mousse asked.

"Hmm…Well, back when I was your age the kidnappers were either very

obvious in their hiding-places, or there was someone around who knew who

they were or where they could be found."

"I think we go to shrine and look for stone now", Shampoo sighed after

they had picked themselves up off the floor. "Leave Mr. Tendo here to find

where kidnappers hide hostages."

* * * * * *

"What will you do if Mu Si can't find the stone?", Wu Jing asked after

the others had left.

Blumberg leaned back and smiled. "Well…The Unryuu girl is quite

attractive for an Asiatic, and there's untapped potential in her…In a few

months the…circumstances…will be right for simply transferring Zelda

to her body. Unless something better comes up."

"Can you specify what 'something better' entails?", Wu Jing asked,

ignoring the slur. "If there's still time, we could try to find someone more…

congenial to your standards."

"Wu, Wu, Wu, if I didn't know you're incapable of feeling for anybody but

yourself, I'd say you're actually attracted to the girl."

"A pretty girl is a pretty girl, and I have some pay-back to do for what her

boyfriend did…"

"Never mind that you didn't care for that girl either…"

"It's the principle of the thing, what's mine is mine…"

"And the fact that she denies being Mu Si's girlfriend doesn't matter?"

"I'd say that, if anything, it proves it. And, anyway, if you were in her

position, you'd deny Zelda…"

"No, never. We'll see if the stone turns up first, if it doesn't before the time

is up you can start looking for that other girl. Until we've found her or the

stone you are not to touch any of our hostages…Or you'll find yourself

reunited with Tao Tao. Now leave."

Graveyard Sammi entered as Wu Jing left.

"Master? It appears that Mu Si and his companions are moving. Since

they're not coming this way, I assume they are going to get the stone."

"Excellent, keep an eye on them and tell the others to get ready."

"Master?"

"I have no intention of giving them any clues as to where we are, so you'll

have to retrieve it from them once they have it. Besides, the last time it

was a fake and I'm keeping the hostages until I get the real one."

"Very well…And Master? A sputtering candle can light a fuse."

With that Sammi left, leaving Blumberg to grumble about the cheeky and

insubordinate henchmen of today.

* * * * * *

Chapter Seven

"I don't see why all of you had to come", Mousse muttered.

"Mousse not able to tell difference between tree and human. Never find

right stone by self."

"Hey, they kidnapped my mother! There's no way I'll leave rescuing her

to you."

"I think Ryoga's thinking along similar lines, and we don't want him to

wander off on his own."

"Speaking of Ryoga, where did he go?"

"AAAGH! I thought you were supposed to keep an eye on him, Ukyo!"

"Me? I thought you were supposed to keep an eye on him!"

"What's all this racket…Oh! It's you!" A girl with nearly waist-length black

hair - a miko, judging by her clothes - suddenly appeared behind them.

"I think you need to keep a better eye on Mousse, Shampoo", Ukyo

whispered. "He's starting to look as bad as Ranma."

"Grrmble. And Ukyo know what Ninja-girl Boy is up to?", Shampoo hissed

back.

"Calm down, you two. At least she hasn't attacked or thrown herself over

him on sight", Akane whispered. "Like certain unnamed people did with

Ranma."

"I DID NOT!!", Shampoo and Ukyo screamed.

"Oh my! They…", the miko began.

"We're all kind of stressed out at the moment", Mousse explained. "It's a

long story."

"Why don't you come inside."

* * * * * *

Shampoo didn't know how to react to that the miko had to remind Mousse

of her name. Michiko. Eventually she decided to give him the benefit of the

doubt and decided it was because she never introduced herself the last

time he was at the shrine, not because he had so many other girls that he

couldn't keep track of them. Michiko seemed nice, but Shampoo really

didn't like the way she looked at Mousse. It wasn't that she was jealous or

anything. It was the principle of the thing. Shouldn't priestesses be more

priestess-like? Not making moon-eyes at other girls' boys. Or any boys at

all. Especially not Mousse, even if he was…unattached. It was nice of her to

offer tea and snacks, though. And Michiko wasn't really Mousse's type

either. Hopefully. And why was Ukyo tagging along? She had happily

ignored every other big questish thing like the Musk and the Phoenix

tribe. It must be because of Hairspray, not because she'd suddenly decided

she wanted Mousse as well as Ranma…Or maybe Mrs. Saotome…Or

Akari. She had wondered about Ukyo. Everybody who came looking for

Ukyo was either a pervert, usually a cross-dresser, or just plain weird. And

Ninja Girl-Boy…Kotetsu?…hadn't been around since Wu Jing and that

other ninja girl showed up. She would have to keep a close eye on Ukyo.

Not too close, though. She might get the wrong idea.

* * * * * *

Michiko wanted to hear the whole story, from the beginning (after some

discussion it was decided that Ranma's first appearance at Jyusenkyo was

the best starting point), stopping them only occasionally to try to figure out

who was who and who was doing what to whom.

"So, they kidnapped his mother and that other guy's girlfriend to get

you to give them the stone you and your gi…"

"HAIRSPRAY'S MOTHER NOT MOUSSE'S GIRLFRIEND!"

"Sensitive issue?"

"She's been sensitive to him and the word 'girlfriend' appearing in the same

sentence ever since she discovered that other girls might be interested in

him", Ukyo whispered to Michiko. "Even if she loudly and frequently

states her lack of int…"

The last sentence, which had been spoken aloud, was interrupted by a well-

aimed tray of snacks.

"Ukyo not speak of things Ukyo not know."

"See?"

"Calm down, both of you! What did Mousse and Tao Tao do here?", Akane

asked.

"You want all the details?"

"Uh…No, just what happened to the stone", Akane said, glancing at

Mousse, who was turning an interesting shade of red, and Shampoo, who

was almost visibly fuming.

"Well…Not much, really. Tao Tao told me there were people looking for it

who probably shouldn't get hold of it and asked us to keep it safe…"

"How do you know we're not those people?", Ranma interrupted.

"You don't look anything like them."

"How…?", Ranma began.

"Is priestess thing, yes?", Shampoo suggested.

"Yes…And some of them was here before. White-haired guy in a Chinese

robe and purple-haired girl…Don't worry, I've still got the stone here

somewhere."

"But you'll give it to us?", Mousse asked.

"Yes."

"Even though we're going to trade it to them for the hostages?"

"You'll think of something…I mean you do this kind of thing a lot don't

you?"

Michiko struck a dramatic pose before continuing.

"A martial artist's road is fraught with peril!"

"But…But it's not something we actively look for", Ranma said.

"Not that we back away from it when we encounter it", Mousse added,

noticing Michiko's deflated expression.

"Shampoo? Will you come with me and help me get the stone."

"Why me?"

"So I can tell you what Mousse and Tao Tao did here", Michiko

whispered. "Without the others hearing."

Michiko led Shampoo down to some tunnels under the shrine.

"Shampoo think we not be heard here. Now, what Hairspray's mother and

Mousse do here?"

"Calm down. Your boy-friend and…"

"Mousse not Shampoo's boyfriend", Shampoo muttered. "And they

already done too much."

"Well, while they were here, they just talked."

"About what?"

"I don't know…I wasn't listening that closely. What he was going to do

now, where she was going to, things like that, I guess…I think there was

some looking into each other's eyes deeply and holding back tears, at least

on her part…Now, where did I put that stone?"

"That all?"

"Yes."

"So why Mousse turn red when Akane ask?"

"Maybe he thought I'd make something up…Or maybe he did something I

didn't see…Third door to the right, I think…Ask him."

Michiko opened a door covered in wards and they entered a room filled with

shelves of boxed and unboxed artefacts.

"If I remember correctly, we put it in one of Gramps's old cigar-boxes",

Michiko said as she began to rummage through the shelves.

"This one?"

"No, it was thicker and there was an Egyptian cavalry soldier on the label…

Or maybe it was a little Cuban boy coughing his lungs out... That box

contains either some flint arrowheads or a sleeping small Spirit Centipede."

"How Shampoo tell?"

"Shake it. If it rattles, it's the arrowheads. If it complains, it's the

centipede."

"How about this one? Look like Egyptian on label."

"No…That's a zouave. I don't think it's that one…Let me check..."

There was an audible growl when Michiko briefly opened the lid.

"No…No idea what it is, though…Ah, here it is."

Michiko pulled out a cigar-box, opened it and handed the thing inside to

Shampoo.

"This it?", Shampoo asked, looking at the figurine in her hands.

It was vaguely humanoid in shape, hunchbacked with differently sized

limbs and appeared to be made of flint.

"Well, that's what Tao Tao gave to me for safe-keeping."

* * * * * *

"Ah, she's finally asleep. I was getting worried…She's always been so well-

behaved before", Nodoka said as she put Hairspray in the makeshift crib.

"I think she misses her ducky", Akari said.

"Ducky?"

"Ukyo gave her a plush ducky almost as soon as she met her. She's become

very attached to it."

"Oh…For a moment I was afraid it was something like 'Ranko Tendo' and

her pet panda."

"Huh?"

"Ranma and Genma in disguise. It never happened to you? Do you want the

whole story?"

"Ah. Well, Ranma, but not Genma. Right now, I think I'd prefer one of

those kidnapping stories."

"We won't get much help from those, I'm afraid. I needed rescuing."

There was a knock on the door.

"Can I coome in?", Zelda asked.

"Be my guest", Nodoka replied.

"I have managed too find the nootess Ssimoon hass oon the sstoone. I

thoought yoou might be interressted…", Zelda said as she entered, carrying

a large and old-looking book.

"Well, it can't hurt."

"Noow, llet uss ssee", Zelda said as she opened the book. "Too begin with

the sstoone oonlly woorrkss at cerrtain timess – it'lll woorrk rright noow,

but in thrree weekss it'lll be tooo llate and it'lll be at lleasst fifty yearrss

untill next time…"

"No wonder Simon's stressed out."

"…And it can oonlly be ussed oonce durring that perriood."

"Only once?"

"Prracticallity rrarrelly pllayss a parrt in the llimitationss of magic itemss.

If it cooulld be ussed rrepeatedlly I have noo dooubtss Ssimoon woould

jusst wait forr oourr turrn."

"Our turn? What does it do?"

"It rremoovess currssess cooncerning sshapechanging or defoorrmity. It's

also supp…"

"Removes shapechanging-curses?"

"Yess, that'ss why Mooussse hass it, issn't it?"

"He doesn't even know what it does! He thought it changed shape or

something."

"If he knew what it did it'd either be used or broken to pieces by now…

There's no hidden drawback is there? As far as I can tell there always is."

"Issn't the rresstrrictioonss oon when it woorrkss enough? And it dooess

change shape, it ssuppoossedlly rrefllectss the llatesst currse it rremooved."

"So, how does it work?"

"I wass cooming too that…"

* * * * * *

Soun, Genma and Cologne sat around the table, looking at each other.

"No, even if he is the leader, which I doubt, Raggedy Man or his successor

isn't the kind to have a permanent base", Cologne said. "And as I told the

kids, I wouldn't know where to find it anyway."

"They don't sound like they're related to any of Nodoka's enemies that

she's told me about", Genma said. "Granted, there is the ninja, but those are

a dime a dozen."

"They could be someone she didn't tell you about", Soun said. "After all, if

you had asked me who would come back to haunt us twenty years ago, I

wouldn't have guessed Chardin…"

"No…Inji, perhaps or maybe…"

"I think we can safely say that it's Mousse who's the main target", Cologne

said. "I don't know why they kidnapped Nodoka, but I assume that to an

uninformed observer Ms. Unryuu has seemed a more natural hostage than

any of the other girls lately."

"But it doesn't really bring us any closer to finding out where they are",

Soun said.

He was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"They arre at Ssuperr Fun Crrazy Happylland", the voice at the other end

said before hanging up.

* * * * * *

As they walked back Mousse found his thoughts wandering.

Wu Jing had been there…at the shrine. He and whoever he was working for,

possibly the same person who had originally hired him and Tao Tao, had

known where the stone was all the time but had needed someone to get it

from Michiko. They had kidnapped Hairspray to get him to do it. Maybe

they had been behind it all the time?…They had left Hairspray at the

Nekohanten to give them a hostage to use…Maybe Tao Tao was still

alive…What if she was involved in this too?…No, she couldn't be or they

wouldn't need him to get the stone…But maybe she was out there looking

for her daughter…Or maybe they had just stolen a baby and written the

note…But Cologne could tell things like that, couldn't she?…And if they

had planted Hairspray to use as a hostage they wouldn't have needed

Akari…Or Mrs. Saotome…In any case he had to rescue her…She was his

responsibility…Akari had been more helpful than…Than anybody could

ask for…She didn't even seem to mind when people thought she was his

girlfriend or Hairspray's mother…Well, not until she was kidnapped

because of it, anyway…She had practically been an anti-Shampoo…And

she'd lost almost everything because of it…Her farm, her

house…Everything…But if they had known all along, why had they

destroyed the farm?…It didn't make sense…Nothing did

anymore…Shampoo seemed almost as upset that he didn't do anything as

when he used to…harass her…Gods! That sounded like it was something he

stopped doing years ago…It was barely two weeks since Hairspray

appeared…Had the village learned of it yet?…What would the Elders do

when they learned?…Why had they kidnapped Mrs. Saotome as well?…If

they could snatch Akari from a train, they should have been able to get

Hairspray on her own…On the other hand, Mrs. Saotome seemed quite

attached to Hairspray too…Like a surrogate grand-child…Or…She wasn't

that old…At least there was someone to take care of Hairspray instead of

the kidnappers…Hadn't Ranma said something about Soun saying

something about Hairspray acting like a Tendo?…Whatever that meant…He

didn't know anything about Tao Tao's family…Hell, he didn't know much

about his own parents…Shampoo's mother had said that his father left as

soon as they untied him and his mother some nine months later...No…

Cologne would have mentioned it by now…

"Mousse? Hey, Mousse! That wasn't so hard, was it?", Ranma said,

scattering his thoughts.

"Shouldn't we try to find Ryoga?", Akane asked.

"He could be anywhere by now", Mousse said.

"Besides, he does have a knack for turning up unexpected at the right time",

Ranma added. "He'll turn up eventually."

"Any idea where we'll trade the stone for the hostages?", Ukyo asked.

"I have no idea when you'll get them back", a voice said behind them. "But

we'll take the stone now, thank you."

"WU JING!"

The black-robed man stepped out of the shadows followed by a midget, an

Indian who dwarfed even the Dojo Destroyer and a robed man wearing a

barbed wire mesh mask.

"I'm flattered you remember me, Mousse. You know, this couldn't have

worked better if I planned it. Except for Kemuri, the clowns I have to work

with refuse to get any closer to the shrine and that little priestess can do

things that seriously contradicts the legends of the shrine. But she…"

"She beat you up."

She did not. Now, the stone."

"The hostages first."

"Oh dear, I seem to have left them in my other robe."

Mousse barely dodged the sudden punch.

Wu Jing followed up with a roundhouse kick as his companions charged.

Mousse dodged again and counter-attacked with a series of punches.

Wu Jing was barely able to block them. Mousse followed up with a kick that

drew his opponent back. Wu Jing came back, lunging with a claw hand and

tearing Mousse's sleeve. Mousse replied with a elbow to the back of his

head, driving him to the ground. Wu Jing rolled out of the way of a stamp

kick and back up on his feet.

"You've gotten stronger, Mousse…", Wu Jing said with a smile. "And

you're not even using your weapons. Farm Girl must have really affected

you."

"If you've done anything to…"

"Mousse, Mousse, Mousse. What do you take me for? I haven't touched her

– the Doctor has special plans for her. Still…If he didn't…"

Mousse interrupted him with a kick to the chest. Before Wu Jing could

recover, Mousse continued with several punches to the face and finished

with a kick that sent Wu Jing flying.

How was everybody else doing?

Shampoo was busy with the midget, who didn't seem to do much actual

fighting, but was frustrating her by constant dodging and tumbling.

And fondling, judging by Shampoo's invectives.

Akane and Ukyo had their hands full with the giant. They had little trouble

dodging his attacks, but seemed unable to affect him with their.

Ranma didn't seem to have any real trouble with his opponent, who was

clearly outmatched but stubbornly refused to stay down.

"I got the sto-one!", the midget suddenly called out.

Wu Jing got back up and wiped the blood off with his sleeve.

"It seems I've underestimated you, Mousse. I'd say 'next time', but there

won't be any. We got what we wanted and you'll never see any of us again.

Well…maybe I'll have your daughter hunt you down once she's old

enough."

Smoke enveloped Wu Jing and his companions. When it cleared, they were

gone.

* * * * * *

"How did it go?", Kasumi asked as they dejectedly returned to the Tendo

home.

"We got the stone, but Wu Jing and his friends showed up and stole it once

we'd left the shrine", Mousse said. "And Ryoga has wandered off again."

"Fortunately, we know where they are now", Genma said. "I figu…"

He was interrupted by Cologne's stick and an elbow from Soun.

"Actually, somebody called and claimed they are at Super Fun Crazy

Happyland", Soun said.

"What?"

"That's an abandoned theme park", Nabiki added. "It's not that hard to find

once you know it exists."

Chapter Eight

"So, this is Super Fun Crazy Happyland", Genma said. "I think I can safely

say that this is one of the least scary places I've seen somebody hide out in."

"It's pretty depressing, though", Ukyo said, looking at the pad-locked gate.

"All boarded up and covered in tarpaulins."

"I'm still surprised you came with us, Mr. Saotome", Mousse said.

"My wife is in there somewhere, Boy. How could I stay away?"

"Don't say a word, Ranma", Akane hissed.

"I was just going to say that it would have been better if Ryoga had been

here too", Ranma muttered.

As if on cue, the call of the wild Hibiki echoed down the road.

"Speak of Devil", Shampoo said. "Shampoo go get him here."

* * * * * *

A quick explanation and a torn off padlock later, they entered the theme

park.

"Where to we go now?", Ukyo said. "This place is huge…It'll take days

to search through every building."

"We don't have to", Genma said. "Most of them are too small. They're

going to be in one of the bigger ones."

"There's still a lot of them…", Akane said.

"We'll find them faster if we split up", Ranma said.

"Is that really smart, Ranma?", Mousse asked. "They could pick us off one

by one…"

"Come on! You've beaten that Wu Jing guy at least twice and we had no

problem with them at the shrine", Ranma said. "And this place isn't so big

that we won't hear if anybody needs help."

"Small groups better", Shampoo said. "Come, Mousse."

Shampoo started dragging Mousse towards the closest of the larger

buildings.

"Do you think she noticed that she's going to the Tunnel of Love?", Ukyo

asked.

"Hard to tell these days", Ranma said. "Ucchan, you and Pops keep an eye

on Ryoga and go that way. I'll go this way with Akane."

* * * * * *

Ukyo was beginning to doubt the wisdom in splitting up. She had looked

away for a moment and both Ryoga and Genma had disappeared…

The place was huge and a maze, at one point, she had knowingly walked

in a circle without ending up where she started. A sound caught her

attention – someone was beating out an odd rhythm on something metallic.

As she turned a corner she saw the person – the gas-mask wearer Cologne

had referred to as 'Raggedy Man or his successor', leaning back in a folding

chair in front of one of the larger buildings and absentmindedly striking two

metal sticks against each other. He looked up.

"Ah, Ms. Kuonji.", he said, standing up. "I've been waiting forr you. I

bellieve this is what you'rre llooking for."

He indicated an almost invisible door on the wall behind him.

"You're not going to fight?"

"No. Therre's no rreason forr me to fight you. Alll you have to do is go

thrrough this doorr."

"And then?"

"Eventuallly, you'lll get to wherre the hostages arre."

"Why are you doing this?"

"As I said, therre's no rreason forr me to fight you. I don't parrticullarrlly

llike the boss anyway."

He stepped aside as Ukyo hesitantly peered into the gloom behind the door

and stepped in. The door slammed shut behind her.

A muffled *poff* told Lumpen Ukyo had set off the first of the traps.

* * * * * *

Ranma and Akane soon found themselves in front of a large building whose

fading sign named it as the House of Fun.

The door opened on its own as they came closer.

"Shall we?", Akane asked.

"They're expecting us. It would be impolite to let them wait", Ranma said.

A short pause.

"When did you start caring about being polite?", Akane said.

"Ah, let's get going!", Ranma replied, going on ahead.

"RANMA!"

He turned around just in time to see Akane disappear down a trap door.

Before he could reach it, barbed wire masked man he'd fought at the shrine

dropped down from the ceiling, grabbed him by the throat and threw him

onto the vibrating floor.

The King of Pain wasn't just playing with him this time.

* * * * * *

Ryoga managed to lose his guides almost immediately and found himself

looking down on an hexagonal arena. The PA system crackled to life.

"L…die… …n… gent…emen an… chil…n …f all age… Toni…ht we

ha…e a …ecial tre…t …or y…!"

The announcement was followed by badly recorded cheers from a crowd.

The voice became clearer as a spotlight switched on and blinded him..

"…n thi… corner, the Hero – Rryyooga Hibiki!"

The recorded cheers grew more enthusiastic.

"And sneaking up behind him, with a stealth and speed that belies his

incredible bulk – JAGANNATH!"

Something very large crashed into Ryoga from behind and they tumbled to

the ground.

The recorded crowd went wild.

* * * * * *

As he fell behind Ryoga and Ukyo, Genma suddenly noticed the smell of

food. Food meant people, and in this case people had to be those who had

kidnapped Nodoka! The kids had already disappeared from view, so he had

no choice but to investigate on his own.

A few twists and turns later, he found himself face to face with an,

apparently only recently, abandoned fast food stand. It had to be a trap…

And he shouldn't be thinking about food at a time like this…But he hadn't

eaten for hours…

A sound caused Genma to look up from his third helping. Two arms were

reaching through the wall behind him. As he turned around one of them

formed a fist and punched him, sending him flying through another wall.

As he got back up his opponent faded into view – a youngish African man

with a white eyepatch, spotless white suit and a white top hat.

Anansi smiled, tipped his hat, turned around and entered a building

proclaiming an exhibition of exotic arthropods, beckoning Genma to follow

him.

* * * * * *

Akane landed relatively softly on a pile of cushions, rags and mattresses in a

dimly lit tunnel. As she clawed her way out, she saw someone approaching.

A pale girl dressed like the goth assistant of a stage magician obsessed with

skeletons was slowly walking down the tunnel. As she saw Akane she

stopped and went into a clawhanded stance.

Once Akane had finished disentangling herself, Graveyard Sammi howled

and charged.

* * * * * *

"Something's wrong", Shampoo said, sniffing. "All this smoke…"

"It doesn't smell like smoke", Mousse said. "But I'm sure someone's

here…" He trailed off as he glimpsed a female silhouette down a corridor,

it seemed familiar somehow…

"Mousse! Wait! Where are you going?", Shampoo called, as Mousse

charged down that corridor. "Wait for me!"

When Mousse reached the door at the end Shampoo was nowhere in sight.

But the girl who opened the door for him was familiar…

* * * * * *

Shampoo could only watch as Mousse disappeared down the smoky

corridor. It was as if the smoke was holding her back.

"Tsk…I'm really disappointed in him", a disembodied voice said. "A

female silhouette in the distance and he runs off after her."

The smoke coalesced into the thin girl with greyish-purple hair.

"I think I'm starting to understand why you keep denyi…"

"MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

The other girl blinked.

"Ah, well…Anyway…I'm supposed to keep you busy, so you don't

interfere, 'kay?" A long knife appeared in her hand.

* * * * * *

The hostages were facing a crisis of their own, as Hairspray reacted to the

situation not only by crying but also by going through the limited supply of

diapers with alarming speed.

"Hairspray? Please stop crying", Akari tried. "Daddy'll be here soon…I

promise…And we'll all get to go b-back h-home…"

"Ssooonerr than yoou think", Zelda said, appearing in the doorway. Yoourr

frriendss arre herre too ssave yoou."

"They're here?!", Akari said.

"How did they find us? I thought…", Nodoka began.

"I guesss they had hellp", Zelda replied. "Ssince everryboody iss bussy

fighting them, yoou shooulld take the ooppoorrtunity too esscape. Herre,

Akarri."

She handed Akari a small, vaguely humanoid figurine made of flint.

"Wait! This is that stone you were talking about, isn't it?", Akari said.

"Yess", Zelda said.

"Y-you're giving it to us?", Akari said. "B-but I thought you needed it."

"I think yoou knoow ssoomeoone whoo needss it moorre…I can wait",

Zelda said. "And I ooverrhearrd what Ssimoon iss pllanning if it

dooessn't woorrk…Yoou doon't want too knoow."

* * * * * *

Coughing and cursing, with smoking and torn clothes, Ukyo burst through

the final door and landed, sprawling face down on the muddy ground.

"Ah, Ms. Kuonji", Lumpen said. "You made it thrrough…I bllame the

materrialls and llack of time to prreparre things prroperlly…"

"It takes more than a few firecrackers to stop me", Ukyo hissed as she

reached for her giant spatula. "Now it's my turn…"

The sound of an explosion distracted her.

"Tsk, tsk", Lumpen said, looming over her.

Then the trenchcoat flew open revealing the yawning void inside. Ukyo's

scream was cut off before it even began.

* * * * * *

Ranma stood up gingerly. This vibrating floor was shaking way too much…

No wonder this place was abandoned. The King of Pain waited at the edge,

knowing better than to venture out on that floor.

Ranma tried to charge, only to fall on his face at the first step. After a few

moments thought, he carefully made his way to the opposite edge.

The King of Pain shrugged and lumbered across the vibrating floor without

effort. Ranma met him with kick, staggering him. He quickly recovered and

tackled Ranma through the nearest wall.

The room behind it was filled with machines and contraptions decidedly

inappropriate for a House of Fun pounding and crushing. The King of Pain

stood up, grabbed Ranma by the hair and pulled him along towards the

nearest machine. He paused for a moment to show Ranma what the machine

would do and made what sounded like a low, rasping chuckle. As he

changed his grip, Ranma twisted loose and aimed several punches at his

opponents face, staggering him again. The King of Pain's right hand was

caught in the machine as the crushing weight came down…

The *squelch* was followed by an audible ripping sound as the King of

Pain tore loose and connected with a wild swing with the stump. Ranma

dodged the follow-up and barely connected with a half-hearted kick to the

stomach, unnerved as much by his opponents lack of reaction to his injuries

as the curious lack of blood. They continued trading blows for several

minutes, the King of Pain returning to his behaviour in the earlier fight of

refusing to stay down. Then, suddenly, he dove for Ranma. Ranma dodged

and the King of Pain landed in one of the machines. Before Ranma could

react, there was another *squelch* .

Ranma spent the next several minutes being violently sick before

staggering to his feet to look for the others. As he did, an explosion was

heard in the not to far distance.

* * * * * *

Ryoga found himself face to face with the disturbingly serene face of the

Indian giant, caught in a bear hug and cursing himself for getting caught.

The girl on the PA system chattered incessantly – a barely intelligible

stream of consciousness ramble with occasional imaginative insults and

colour commentary interjected.

With little choice, Ryoga head-butted his opponent. Jagannath's expression

didn't change, but his grip loosened for a moment. Encouraged, Ryoga head

butted him again and managed to wriggle one arm loose. A third head butt

and the second arm followed. He clapped his hands over Jagannath's ears.

Jagannath, his expression unchanged, dropped Ryoga but immediately

reached for him again.

The sound of an explosion interrupted the fight. There was cursing over the

PA system. A midget popped out of her hiding place and leaped onto the

giant's shoulder. Then Jagannath turned and ran towards the nearest exit.

Ryoga warily followed.

* * * * * *

The building was full of terrariums with spiders, scorpions, centipedes and

other arthropods. No trace of Anansi.

"Coward!", Genma called. "Show yourself!"

"Why?", Anansi's voice replied. "I'm no martial artist. A fight between us

wouldn't be fair and would make neither of us any happier. Besides all I

have to do is keep you busy so you don't interfere…"

As if on cue, the closest terrariums shattered and their inhabitants advanced

on Genma. Not really much of a problem, except the impracticality of

crushing scorpions underfoot without shoes. Genma turned around only to

find that the door had disappeared.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mr Saotome", Anansi's voice said. "It wouldn't be much

point in this if I didn't remove the door, would it?"

A few more terrariums shattered for added emphasis. Genma brushed away

the closest spiders and scorpions with his feet. Most of them vanished into

thin air.

"Illusions?!", Genma gasped.

"Even if a single one is deadly enough, one has to consider the visual

element", Anansi's voice said. "An army looks better than a single

spider…And is harder to keep track of."

The final terrariums shattered. Then came the sound of a not too distant

explosion.

"Now, that did not sound like a part of the plan", Anansi's voice said

with weary cheer. "I guess you're free to go."

The exit re-appeared as the illusionary arthropods faded and the others

scurried off.

* * * * * *

Akane barely dodged Sammi's first attack, more because of surprise than

any skill or speed on Sammi's part. The second attack tore open Akane's

gi jacket as she stepped aside and then caught Sammi's arm. Akane

followed up with a couple of knees to the chest and stomach and then

threw Sammi to the ground. She stayed down. After watching her for a

minute or so, Akane decided the fight was over and turned to leave.

She had only taken a few steps when she heard Sammi getting back up. Her

battle-cry was abruptly cut off as Akane spun around and met her with a

foot to the face. For a moment Sammi stood up with the smug smile of

someone who has just outsmarted her opponent. The smile faded as

realisation set in and she toppled over.

Her lack of reaction to being tied up with rags seemed to indicate her being

truly unconscious this time. Still, Akane kept expecting her to reappear

while she continued to look for an exit. Just as she found it a slightly

muffled explosion could be heard somewhere above.

* * * * * *

Kemuri dived forward, slashing towards Shampoo.

"Hey! Watch it!", Shampoo said as she dodged. "If you just to keep me

busy why need knife?"

Kemuri rolled to her feet and paused.

"Hmm…Because since Mousse's availability seems to depend on you

getting around to decide if you want him or not?…If you're not around

anymore…", she said.

"That…That is silliest thing ever heard! What make you think he then

choose you?"

"Well…Why not? Can you think of anyone better?"

"Hmm…Well…He always teaming up with Akane…And since Hairspray

show up he spend lot of time with Akari…Ukyo is interested now…I guess

…Nabiki…"

"Hey! Wait a minute! I need to write this thing down!"

*Blink*Blink* Well, at least the ninja-girl was distracted…

When Kemuri looked up after locating a pen and a piece of paper, she was

met by Shampoo's fist.

It sounded as if someone else was approaching. Mousse? No…Too many…

As she readied herself a robed figure came around a corner followed by

Nodoka, Akari and Hairspray. She ran up to them.

"She's OK", Akari said, as Shampoo almost tore Hairspray from her arms.

"Just running a little low on diapers."

"Y-you didn't happen to see Mousse…or any of the others?", Shampoo

said.

"I'm ssurre Ssimoon willl wait foorr him in the Halll oof Mirrroorrs", Zelda

said. She was beginning to say something else when the sound of an

explosion interrupted her.

* * * * * *

All Mousse could do was stare and stutter at the girl standing before him.

"Moussie! You're finally here!, Tao Tao cried throwing herself around his

neck.

"I…I thought you were dead", Mousse said. "The letter…"

"You know how Shenbao is, Moussie", Tao Tao said. "She's always

misinterpreting things and exaggerating."

"B-but how? What are you doing here? What about Hairspray? Akari?

Mrs. Sao…"

"Don't worry, Moussie. You're here, that's all that matters to me. You'll

get to see them soon…Follow me."

"Where?"

Tao Tao didn't answer.

Something wasn't right…What was Tao Tao doing here?…She didn't look

as if she'd been held prisoner…And if she had they wouldn't have needed

him to get the stone…And if she hadn't, why did she know where the others

were?…She wasn't acting quite like herself…Shouldn't she be more

worried about her daughter…And…Moussie?…Tao Tao used to call him

Mu Mu…Yes! That was it!

"You're not Tao Tao!"

"Very clever, Mousse", "Tao Tao" said as she morphed into Wu Jing.

"I guess I'll have to use another approach", he said as he morphed into

Shampoo and attacked.

"Very impressive", Mousse said as he dodged the clumsy attack. "But I

know you're not Shampoo either…And it's clear your masquerade don't

extend as far as actual skill."

"Shut up! I don't need her skill to kill you!", "Shampoo" screamed,

as she retreated towards the Hall of Mirrors. When "she" came to the steps,

"she" bent down and reached for something hidden inside.

As Mousse caught up, "she" morphed back into Wu Jing and pulled out two

smallish crossbows from their hidden compartment. The first bolt hit

Mousse in the thigh and caused him to fall over. Wu Jing was there in a

flash, putting one foot on Mousse's chest and aiming the crossbow at his

face.

"Now, look what you've made me do!" Wu Jing said. "You're about to die

and I've hardly done anything of what I was going to tell you I had done

before I kill you."

"I'm sure it grieves you deeply", Mousse muttered.

"On the other hand, I can't do that to your girlfriend, at least not yet,

because Doctor Blumberg needs her in case the stone doesn't work", Wu

Jing continued. "But I could give you all the details of Tao Tao's death…"

He laughed, and stopped paying attention for a moment. That was all

Mousse needed.

Somebody was applauding.

As Mousse looked up, vaguely noticing that Wu Jing, if nothing else, was

still breathing, he saw a young European in old-fashioned clothes standing

on the steps.

"Very impressive", he said. "A most spectacular display of excessive

violence and righteous anger. Allow me to introduce myself…I am

Doctor Simon Magnus Blumberg. And you are Mu Si, also known as

Mousse."

"Follow me", he continued as he turned and entered the Hall of Mirrors.

Mousse lurched to his feet and, after absent-mindedly pulling the bolt out of

his thigh, limped after him.

* * * * * *

Slowed down by his injury, Mousse soon lost sight of Blumberg, stalking

him by the sound of his voice and expecting an ambush any moment.

Suddenly, he found himself in an octagonal room with no idea how he

got there. No doors, each wall being a large mirror.

"Let's play a game", the unseen Blumberg said. "Each mirror shows the life

of a different Mu Si. There are exits behind every mirror, but only one leads

back to where you came from."

"Different Mu Si? What do you mean? How do I choose? What happens if I

choose the wrong one."

"That's your problem."

As Mousse looked on, pictures slowly started to form in the mirrors.

* * * * * *

A well-dressed Mousse sitting opposite an equally well-dressed Nabiki

at a table, together with a boy and a girl, around eight or nine years old,

calmly having breakfast. A junior high school aged Hairspray, stopped by

long enough to snatch up some random food before running off.

Another Mousse was wearing dungarees, working side by side with a

similarly attired Akari, feeding the pigs. They paused to kiss. In the

background Hairspray, no more than four years old, tried her hand at

wrestling a sumo piglet twice her size.

The next one was wearing his best robe, and dancing with a dress-wearing

Akane in an otherwise abandoned ballroom. The moon and the lights of

Tokyo at night shone in through the large hole in the wall.

The one after that wore all black and no glasses. His eyes glowed red.

A girl with long black-purplish hair and a revealing outfit in red and black

appeared next to him. Behind them, an army slowly gathered – Pantyhose,

the Musk warriors, Wu Jing and the others they had fought at the shrine and

many more whom he didn't recognise.

The next Mousse was sneaking up on an obviously pregnant Ukyo, who

was standing at the grill, with Hairspray in a baby-chair next to it. The

Mousse embraced the Ukyo from behind. She seemed to berate him at first,

but then they kissed until Hairspray threw her ducky at them.

A bleeding Mousse in a torn robe lying in the ruins of a house made of now

mostly broken glass. A less injured but still battered looking Shampoo with

Hairspray in her arms was kneeling crying by his side.

Mousse and Shampoo again – he in a tuxedo, she in a wedding dress. The

rest of the Nerima gang appeared next to them, all of them dressed to the

nines and lined up as if for a wedding photo.

Mousse and Tao Tao, this time. In front of a large and probably expensive

house. He, in his robe with his arm around her, she in jeans and the large

sweat-shirt she usually wore when not working, her dark brown hair now

tied in a simple pony-tail. Hairspray, maybe four or five years old and

wearing robes similar to his, was standing in front of him.

He took a deep breath and made his choice.

The mirror shattered. So did the world…

Chapter Nine

"Er…Shampoo…here…here's Mousse", Soun said. "Here's Shampoo,

Mousse."

They looked at each other, not knowing what to say. A very old woman,

one of the Tendos' neighbours, walked up to them, gazing at them with

myopic eyes.

"Isn't that your daughter, Mr Tendo?", she asked the lamp-post.

"Er…That's Shampoo…", Soun said, somewhat confused.

The old woman turned to Mousse.

"How-do? I remember when you were just a child, running around in the

dojo…and…That's your husband, isn't it? How-do, Sir?"

"How do you do", Shampoo replied with a smile.

"I thought I recognised you both…Guess I ought to…I was here at the dojo

the day you were married. My, my, how excited we all were! That was a

real love match! Well, glad to see it turned out well and you're still happy

together…Good night."

"Good night", Shampoo replied, as the old woman left. "Mr Tendo…This is

a…a nice surprise…"

She walked over and took Mousse's hand.

"Mousse…come…come over to the dojo…we can talk there…will you?"

"Shampoo…", he began, as he slowly took her in his arms.

She kissed him.

"If you go out back", Soun said with a chuckle. "You'll find a koi pond…

It's not much different from the old one."

A group of schoolgirls entered the yard as they broke off.

"Look, Mousse. There's Hairspray…"

*

"This is a song by Leonard Cohen", he told the audience, "the reason I play

it is…well, Mr Cohen wrote this about the song: 'This song arises from an

over-used bed in the Penn Terminal Hotel in 1966. The room is too hot.,

I can't open the windows. I am in the midst of a bitter quarrel with a blond

woman. The song is half-written in pencil but it protects us as we

manoeuvre, each of us for unconditional victory. I am in the wrong room. I

am with the wrong woman.', and it sounds so familiar it's scary. Apart from

the name of the hotel and the year. Anyway the song is Hey, That's No Way

To Say Goodbye. And Minako, wherever you are, I'm sorry."

%I loved you in the morning

Our kisses deep and warm

Your hair upon the pillow

Like a sleepy golden storm

Yes, many loved before us

I know that we are not new

In city and in forest

They smiled like me and you

But now it's come to distances

And both of us must try

Your eyes are soft with sorrow

Hey, that's no way to say goodbye…%

*

Usagi was dressed in ragged bits and pieces of various uniforms (most of

which he couldn't quite identify) and looked, maybe not older, but more

mature and much more weary. She gave him a weak smile.

"So, did you find Mamoru?", he asked.

"Yes…it took two years of dimension-hopping, before I managed to find

my Mamoru, it took another five to get back here. Mamoru…didn't make

it. He died on Earth-1853, two years ago."

"I'm sorry…" Almost unconsciously, they embraced.

"Is your offer still standing?", she whispered.

"Eh…uh…uhm…"

"Don't worry", she said, sticking her tongue out at him. "There's no hurry.

It's hundreds of years until the Crystal Tokyo Setsuna wanted exists, if it

ever will in this timeline, so he still has time to get reincarnated. If he

doesn't…let's see what we think about it then. After all, we have all the

time in the world."

"Yes…"

"And I think there's someone else who'd like to have a say in the matter…

isn't there?", Usagi said, looking over his shoulder…

*

"Mu Si."

As he opened his eyes he found his view filled by a familiar girl wearing

very little.

"U-ukyo !?!"

"You're still here! I dreamt you went back to Shampoo so I had to

check…I'm so happy!", she said pressing herself against him.

Blushing, he tried to simultaneously turn around and gently push her away.

"I-I wouldn't do that!! W-we're leaving together, remember!?…Right

now, we wait and hope Shampoo finds the rest of the celestial warriors

soon."

She was clearly disappointed, but before she could reply a servant

interrupted:

"Your Highness, Pantyhose requests an audience."

"Oh, I have to go. I'll have them prepare breakfast for you."

She was gone before he could reply.

Breakfast…Shampoo would be digging her way through an Imperial Palace

breakfast right now…

*

"It's great to see you again, Mousse", Akane said, as she sat down in the

opposite seat. "How's life treating you?"

"I'm doing okay. We've got a new movie in the works…It seems someone

heard of my misspent youth in Nerima and thought it would be a great story

for a movie. Focussing on Ranma, of course…Well, I suppose they'll

change the names and transfer it to Hong Kong or somewhere."

"So…Are you playing Ranma or yourself?"

"Tofu, I guess – I'm getting too old to play a teenager."

"Never stopped anybody else. Have you ordered yet?"

"No, I decided to wait for you. I thought you'd have herd of little Ranmas

with you. Is everything okay between you and Ranma?"

Akane hesitated before answering.

"No. He's even more useless than his father used to be. Genma at least tried

to work, occasionally – Ranma only cares about his own training and

fighting…He's hardly ever here…I'm lucky I have Natsume and Kurumi

to help with teaching the students…And children…Well, we think it might

have something to do with his curse…"

*

"So, is Shampoo speaking to you again yet?", Ranma asked.

"No. She threw me out of my apartment and changed the locks. Then she

packed her bags, took Hairspray with her and went to live with your

mother."

"Well, she did walk in on you and Nabiki", Ukyo remarked.

"She didn't walk in", Ranma pointed out. "She was carried in by Kuno,

looking for a secluded place. And who spiked the punch with a love

potion?"

"Hey, the Gangster of Love's here!", Ukyo said, eager to change the subject

and finding the newly arrived Tarou ideal for the job.

"I heard that. If I wasn't stuck in this wheelchair…", Tarou growled.

"Cool it, Space Cowboy", Ranma replied. "Besides you don't turn into a

monster anymore."

"I can still kick your butt", Tarou muttered. "Just wait until I'm healed…"

"How are things going with Azusa?" Anything to get the discussion away

from the subject of Nabiki and Shampoo…

*

He sighed in relief as the girl reluctantly followed Kasumi into the kitchen.

"As I said", Cologne continued, "when the youth elixir affected Mrs

Saotome it changed her memory as well – she's forgotten a lot of things that

she, as a fourteen year old, couldn't know and adapted other memories to fit

the present. She knows she's related to Ranma but not Genma, so she 'must'

be Ranma's half-sister…"

"But why is she clinging all over Mousse?", Ranma asked.

"Easy", Nabiki said. "Her memories adapted to the present, remember? So

Mousse must be the one who looks the most like Genma did back then…"

"Sorry", Soun interrupted them. "Nodoka didn't even meet Genma until she

was seventeen and they couldn't stand each other for years. When I heard

they got married I was as surprised as you would have been if, say, Ryoga

and Ukyo got married..."

"So mom used to be 'your' Ukyo?"

"Oh no. I wish. More like Shampoo, with some of whatshername…Azusa

mixed in…"

*

Somebody came running into the room.

"Masaki-san?"

"Mousse-san", Sasami almost screamed at him. "I want the story, the whole

story. Now!"

"OK, OK. Now this is the story of a lil' old country boy, who came to the

city and met one of the sweetest little girls in the world, kinda got jealous,

didn't know what to do. But now the feeling, the feeling's growing, growing

so strong. I've gotta get back. I've…"

"Hey! Cut it out! Some girls just showed up at the shrine looking for you!

Martial artists. This has something to do with that guy that was beating you

up when Ryoko found you, right?"

"Some girls? What did they look like? What hair colour?"

"One was a pig-tailed redhead and the other had long purple hair…"

Damn. Ryoga had already found his way back to Nerima, and now

everybody would be looking for him and the stone…

*

He looked at Tarou, who looked back at him and shrugged. Then they

looked back at Cologne again.

"Forget it!", Tarou said. "Five grand's no problem. We'll have it for you in

the morning. Let's go, Mousse!"

Cologne froze them both with a stare.

"No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!", she screamed.

"Well, then", Tarou said. "I guess you're really up shit creek."

Cologne hit Tarou with her stick.

"I offered to help you."

"M-hm."

"You refused to take our money."

"M-hm."

"Then I said ' I guess you're really up shit creek'."

Cologne hit Tarou again. Then she started hitting both of them as they

retreated out of the room and tumbled down the stairs…

*

They stared at each other in disbelief for a few moments.

"I…", they both said at the same time.

"You first", Ukyo said.

"No, you first", he said.

The embarrassed silence returned.

"I can't believe dad did this!", Ukyo said.

"He engaged you to Ranma, didn't he? I can't believe the Elders did

this…"

"I can't believe dad used to be a martial artist…A warlord!…The kind of

person who…who…"

"Would kidnap Akane in order to marry her if he was thirty years younger?"

"No, no…well, yes, I guess that's an accurate description."

"I overheard him telling Mr Tendo that."

There was yet another embarrassed silence.

"That could explain why Nodoka doesn't like him…"

*

He heard the door open as Ran Ran stopped reading to him. After a

moment's silence, she spoke.

"Aren't you two a little young to be nurses?"

"Actually, were both far older than you", another girl's voice answered.

"But never mind that. We're here to make Mr Mousse an offer he can't…"

"He's already taken."

There was another moment of silence.

"You're an Amazon just like him, aren't you?", the other girl said. "OK,

we'll talk to you later. Now, Mr Mousse, my name is Washuu. How would

you like to leave all these machines and the body cast behind, and be as

powerful as you were before, if not more?"

"Miss, if you could make me able to move on my own again, I'd happily

storm the Celestial Court for you."

"I'll hold you to that promise…"

*

Setsuna was sitting in a corner, clutching her knees and rocking back and

forth. She looked and smelled as if she'd been there for a long time.

"Those moments…when…the blackness hit me…and the void would be

calling…", she whispered, staring blankly ahead.

"Setsuna?", Michiru tried. "What's happened?"

"Nothing can be altered…there is nothing to decide…", Setsuna whispered,

apparently unaware of their presence. " No escape,…no change of heart…

no anyplace to hide."

"So this is the great guardian of time", Yui muttered. "I expected

someone more…regal…"

"She wasn't like this, the last time we passed by", he said.

"Told a little lie…Stole a little gold…Broke a little vow, did you?",

Setsuna whispered. "Had to get your Prince…Had to get your cow…Have

to get your wish…Doesn't matter how…"

*

He stared at the familiar-looking redhead.

"Ranma? Is that you?…I thought you were dead!"

"Uh…it's kind of complicated…Well, you seem to have done good."

"Show business can do that to you. If you're lucky. So what are you doing

in Honolulu, Ranma? Oh, and do you want some hot water?"

"It won't help, I'm stuck this way. And I have no idea how I ended up here

…So, how's everybody? How's Shampoo?"

"Shampoo? Haven't seen her in years. Living happily ever after back in the

village, I suppose. Raising a family. With her husband."

"What? I thought you…she…"

"It's the same old story. Once she had recovered from your 'death' and

returned to the village, she decided that the guy she really had loved all the

time was one of the timid village boys with no interest in martial arts and

who never cared enough to protest against her engagement to you…"

*

"Could you please repeat that", he said. "I thought you just asked me to save

the Joketsuzoku."

"Eh…uh…I did", the girl said in a small voice, obviously shocked.

"Why should I?"

"B-but w-we're your people. You're Joketsuzoku too. Moth…Shampoo

said you…"

"I'm not. They spent my first eighteen years pointing out that I wasn't a

proper Joketsuzoku. Then they exiled me. I don't see why I should help

them after they put me through hell."

"Your brother doesn't see it that way."

"Well, if you've got him what do you need me for?"

"Because he's an overweight idiot who only cares about food and marrying

off his sons…"

*

"So you've already got him all figured out, everything planned, right down

to what grades your kids will get in school", he remarked.

"Yes…", Ami said. It sounded as if she was going to add something, but

changed her mind.

"Well…", he said. "If I ever fall in love…" He almost said 'again', as

Shampoo was still lurking in the corners of his mind and heart. "It won't be

planned." I've learned that lesson. "I'll leave it to chance

and…chemistry."

"Chemistry?", Ami asked.

"Yeah, chemistry. I know an old woman who can whip up a love potion for

every occasion…but jokes aside, maybe one day I'll bump into someone or

see someone in the street or something and realise that she's the girl I've

been looking for all my life. That's the way it works."

*

"Listen, Mousse", Akane said, grabbing him by the collar. "I had plans for

tonight. And now, just because you decided to be an idiot, Ranma has

decided to help Shampoo spy on you to find out what you're up to."

"Uh…" he managed.

"I've got reservations for two at a good restaurant and tickets to a show,

and I'm not going to waste them because you decided to play a trick on

Shampoo."

"I didn't try to…"

"So, you're taking me out to that restaurant, your treat, and to that show.

Understand?"

"Why me?"

"Because it's either you or Konatsu and if I ask Konatsu, Ukyo gets mixed

up in this too. Besides, this is all your fault…"

*

The crystal shard on Shampoo's forehead shone like a third eye, as she

landed in front of him.

"My, what a big sword you have, Duck-boy. You're not going to use it on

poor little Shampoo, are you?", she said with a smirk. "You couldn't kill

me even if you wanted too. I heal too fast."

"I don't have to kill you, just incapacitate you until Cologne or Kagome

gets here. Cutting of your head and keeping it away from your body should

do that…"

Shampoo's face distorted with rage and disbelief. "You wouldn't!!"

"After what you did to Mrs Higurashi and Kasumi, there's nothing I

wouldn't do to stop you."

With a growl Shampoo let her fingers extend into claws and lunged at

him…

*

The sailor-suited girl wasn't doing very good. She was obviously no martial

artist and whoever was behind her powers had misunderstood 'offensive'.

Well, if he had been sent to fight evil by blowing bubbles at them, he'd be

pretty offended. He had to get involved…discretely…Maybe the girl could

re-group if he distracted the monster…If he'd only had been wearing his

robes instead of this tuxedo…Fumbling through his limited arsenal he found

one of those novelty darts Ranma had given him. The monster yelped in

pain and surprise as a tulip embedded itself in its arm. Both combatants

froze and turned toward him.

"Well?", the girl demanded.

"Uh…Well what?", he said.

"Don't you have speech to give or something?"

"Uh…No…Just finish it off while it's distracted, OK…?"

*

He leaned on Nabiki for support as they walked out of the fortress. The

mass of Amazon and Musk warriors who had besieged it parted like the

Red Sea before them. As they passed someone started singing and slowly

more joined in.

"What are they singing, Mousse? And why?"

"I can't remember if it's a folk song or from an opera, anyway it's based on

an old folk tale…I'm sure there's a similar one in Japan…There's this

couple and the guy is kidnapped or something and the girl goes through

a lot of trouble to free him…The song is called The Couple Go Back Home

Together…"

"How symbolic. They're not very subtle are they?"

"At least they're not making gestures and smacking sounds…"

"Well, that's our job." And then she kissed him…

*

"Eeek! Pervert!", the girl screamed and started pummelling him, and their

(rather compromising) position prevented him from doing anything about it.

Fortunately, after a few good solid hits she stopped as if she suddenly

remembered something. She stood up and looked very embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I think I overreacted", she said as she helped him up. "Allow

me to introduce myself. I am the goddess Alecto. I'm here to grant you

a wish."

"A-a w-wish?", he stuttered. "But how? Why? Why me?"

"You called us, you nitwit. What do you think the Goddess Technical Help

Line is for? On second thought, don't tell me! Anyway, you get one

wish."

"A wish? For anything…"

*

He looked across the table at his three daughters. Their faces masks of

disbelief and anger.

"What do you mean, you don't know!?", Kyoko demanded.

"I've never met him myself, but your mother and I knew his parents very

well. You'll get to meet him soon, he and his father are on their way here

from Japan.", he explained.

"Great, yet another martial arts freak, just what we need.", Kagome

muttered, expertly ignoring Shinobu's glare.

He wondered if this had been any easier for his late father-in-law, and

whether this attempt to join the school would be more successful than his

had been. He wished Akane was still alive. Well, at least Ukyo wouldn't

have let Ranma get away with the kind of things Genma had done…

*

He tried to open his eyes. He was lying on a bed and, from the feel of it,

covered in bandages and hooked up to various things.

"Oh, Mousse! You're awake!"

Plum.

"Where am I? Where's Shampoo?…Is she OK?"

"I-I'm s-sorry", Plum said, the words sticking in her throat, "she…they're

all g-gone…Ranma, Shampoo, Father…they didn't make it."

"And…her?"

"If she wasn't destroyed, she's too weakened to do anything."

So Tarou was there too.

"After the evacuation, the government nuked the valley. If it's any

relief, her draining of the springs' energy means the curses are gone…"

*

The redhead with the odd hairstyle crumpled the paper in obvious

frustration and, muttering, tossed it over her shoulder. It hit him in the face.

"Thanks a lot, ubangi-head! Right in my face", he said. "Try a

wastebasket next time." There was something familiar about that girl…

"These are called odango", the girl screamed at him. "Not ubangi! Odango,

Stupid!"

He uncrumpled the paper. It was a test, a pretty simple one by the look of it

– the girl had scored 30…out of 100.

"30? Who are you calling stupid, Odango-head?", he said, tossing the test

back to her. She muttered something under her breath and stomped off.

Back to the task at hand – this was a pretty big jewellery store. Maybe

the Silver Imperium Crystal was there? Still, that girl was pretty cute…

*

They stared at each other as the implications sank in. Presumably it was

being used to having Nabiki around to exploit situations like this that kept

them from screaming. Or maybe it was just the shock.

"This did not happen. OK?", Ranma-chan said.

"No argument from me there. Nothing happened. Definitely."

The mutual staring continued for a few more seconds.

"Uh…How did this not happen?"

"I dunno. I've been getting blackouts while in girl-form recently", Ranma-

chan muttered as she stumbled across the floor gathering her clothes. "And

Cologne said I stole her Book of Contrived Potions a couple of days ago…"

*

As he tried to shake off the effects of the chi-blast, he found himself looking

at a familiar looking orang-utan face flanked by an equally familiar slightly

feline one.

"Mei Xing…? Lucien…? Why…? What does the Free Company want with

me NOW…?"

"Not Lucien, Mushou. You're thinking of some one else", the ape told him.

"…and Mei Xing? She's our friend now. There's no Free Company, not

yet…The Revolutionary won't be whelped for another hundred years. And

Hinoto is…elsewhere. We are a far superior hunting pack…" As he spoke

other shapes started to form around them…

*

Akari smiled at him weakly.

"Isn't she beautiful?", she said turning her attention back to their newborn

baby. "What do you think, Hairspray?"

"She's so tiny…and red…", Hairspray muttered, sounding both

disappointed and fascinated.

At least she didn't restate her opinion that she would rather have a pony,

he thought. And Ranma or Ryoga had yet to show up with any offers

regarding their sons. Hopefully, Akane and Ukyo would already have

beaten any ideas in that direction out of them…

*

He smiled at the audience and the cameras again.

"And now…a letter…a hotel registration and a series of photographs…

which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal

proceedings for a doctor in Juuban. He's a former super-hero and a

LDP candidate for the Diet…that's Dr. C of Juuban…250 000 Yen…to

stop us revealing your name, the names of the three other people involved,

the youth organisation to which they belong and the shop where you bought

the equipment." How did Nabiki drag me into this…

*

"I was thinking about you", Shampoo said at the other end. "And I

remembered this unbelievably insane night we spent in Shanghai, like a

thousand years ago?…I mean, there's no way you could possibly

remember the…"

"Are you kidding?", he interrupted. "I think about that night all the time…

But that's not why I called. I called because I've met someone."

"Well, that's great. You haven't really had anybody since Asuka the…"

"You don't understand. I've never felt this way about anybody!"

There was a thud at the other end…

*

Acting without thinking he tackled Natsume out of the way.

"I like you too, Mousse, but could you stop groping me and tell me what's

so dangerous about that water?", she said, while trying not to start laughing.

Then he realised what position they had landed in, and exactly where his

hands where. And his nose felt like it was going to start bleeding soon. He

stood up rapidly and tried to hide his nosebleed by turning the rest of his

face red too.

"Ooh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", Natsume teased him

as she got back up…

*

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!", Asuza screamed at him.

"MY FAULT?!", he screamed back. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO

WANTED HER TO BE A MASTER THIEF!"

"BUT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR STUPID TRICKS SHE WOULDN'T

BE IN THIS MUCH TROUBLE!"

"Uuh…Mom? Dad?", Meimi tried. "HEY! LISTEN TO ME! He isn't

really here to arrest me. We're going to a masquerade."

"NOT DRESSED LIKE THAT, YOUNG LADY…."

*

Suddenly, Nabiki slapped him.

"I've had just about enough of you!", she screamed. "Go on! Sit here in

your room until you rot. I'm sure that's what Shampoo would have wanted.

Just sit here and be tragic and bereaved and suffering like some shojo manga

stereotype. It's not as if there's other people in the world who are suffering

too! It's not as if f you have any responsibilities to anybody else! I'm sure

Hairspray will understand that you only have time for your own

suffering…"

*

Mousse wished the girl would shut up, or at least switch to a language she

was fluent in. It had almost been OK the first few minutes, but after

three days it was starting to get on his nerves.

"Shampoo not leave until Mousse pay for bike!"

Considering how she reacted to the caterpie, maybe if he found a big enough

bug pokemon, she'd get grossed out and leave…

"Psy-ai-ai", his companion agreed, as if it had read his thoughts…

*

"I don't usually impose on people like this", the dark-skinned, white-haired

woman said, putting her hand on his thigh, "please don't misunderstand

me. I just don't like to see people suffer." She smiled at him again and

moved a little closer still.

"I-I a-appreciate that", he said trying to ignore how close they were sitting,

"Could you please explain those…ways of leaving?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow", she said and kissed him…

*

He stared at the redhead. It wasn't Ranma, but she looked a lot like his girl

form. And her friend had looked so much like Shampoo from a distance.

She stared back at him. He should say something, after all, he couldn't

make the situation any more embarrassing.

"I-I'm sorry, Miss. I thought you were someone else." He turned to leave.

The girl stopped him before he could take a single step.

"N-no…Wait…Please…"

*

He looked at the purple-haired girl again as Ryoga's explanation sank in.

"Live together?! With you?!", he said to the girl. "Did I promise that? Who

the hell are you?"

"Hmpf…Defeat me and I'll tell you!", the girl said as she went into a stance.

"Really? Good… I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with some I didn't

know the name of!"

"Hah! You think you've already won? Your mistake…"

*

"Heh. It is you, Mousse, no doubts about it", the purple-haired woman

said. "You look just like your father…"

"What?" This woman seemed to know him, or believe him to be this

Mousse character.

"Can you explain what is wrong here, Mousse?", the woman continued.

"You were to destroy humanity, but they are still crawling all over the

planet."

*

He looked from Shampoo to Ukyo to Akane to Akari, trying desperately to

concentrate on their faces.

"Uh…this is not what it looks like…", Ukyo began.

"Ah…eh…uh…well…anyway, we're trying to watch the game so could

you try to do whatever you're actually doing a little quieter?"

Then he made a quick and rather embarrassed exit…

*

As soon as he opened the door, Rei stormed in, visibly upset, and threw

herself on the couch.

"Rei-chan? What's the matter?", he asked, sitting down next to her.

Rei struggled for words for a few moments.

"I…I just had a fight…with Usagi…about you…us…Apparently, you

don't fit into Usagi's…No, Setsuna's plans for the future…"

*

He woke up staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. WAIT A MINUTE! He could

actually see the ceiling without his glasses!…And this wasn't his room.

He rolled over and saw a panda sleeping on a futon next to him. With

mounting worry he made his way to the bathroom, confirming his

suspicions about where he was on the way. When he looked in the mirror,

Ranma's face looked back at him, as surprised as he was…

*

"Xian Po…", Shampoo whispered, stroking the sleeping child's cheek.

"Almost the same. You never knew to let go of the past did you ;Mousse?"

"Get away from her", he whispered. "Please…"

Shampoo grinned, showing her fangs.

"I could make her mine. Remind you how helpless you are…How you

failed me…"

*

He was looking at the face of a giant robot, shoulder-deep in an unidentified

liquid.

"Th-this is my father's work?"

"That is correct.", a voice above him said.

He stared at the silhouette on a balcony above him.

"It's been a while.", his father said…

*

Was this how Genma used to feel, he wondered to himself. A vague but not

unexpected disappointment that his son was unwilling to do what he had to

do. Well, nothing else to do, then. He switched on a monitor next to him.

"Tofu…wake Shan."

"Can you use her?", the older man asked.

"She's not dead yet", he answered…

*

"You're imagining things", Ranko said, blushing slightly.

"Am I? Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave

without giving you a good-bye kiss?

Ranko fumed for a moment.

"I'd just as soon kiss a bull-headed yeti…"

*

"Oh no", Ranma protested, "Nonono. I'm not going to dress up as a girl,

princess or not. Not me. Not anymore. Do you hear me? Ne…"

The princess interrupted him, still looking at Mousse.

"I'm not talking about you, not when you're friend here looks so much like

my poor sister…"

*

"Hey! Wake up, sleepy-head", a familiar voice called.

"I'm dead, Shampoo. Just drop off the flowers and leave", he muttered,

turning over and pulling the cover closer around himself.

Her response was to pull the cover away, sending him spinning to the floor.

"We're getting late for school…"

*

"Shampoo! Shampoo! Get up!", he quacked. "You've got to transform into

Pretty Shampoo and save Ms. Tendo!"

"I…I can't believe it…", the girl whispered. "A-akari…my best friend…

is Pigsy Misa…"

*

"Mousse! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?"

"Frankly, Shampoo, I don't give a damn…"

*

"Who are you?"

"Assassin! Lone Duck and Duckling…"

*

"Ukyo Kuonji! I challenge you to a duel for the Rose Bride…"

*

"Alas, Poor Tofu! I knew him, Mousse…"

*

"I'm sorry, Mu Si. I cannot do that…"

*

"I'm Mu Si. Sorry 'bout this…"

*

He was standing in the ruins of a house made mostly of now broken glass,

by the feel and sound of it. It was in the middle of what appeared to be an

amusement park. Then everything went black as he faded into

unconsciousness…

* * * * * *

Shampoo, still carrying Hairspray, reached the ruins of the Hall of Mirrors

just in time to see Mousse topple over.

NO!…Damn!… Let's see…check if he's breathing first, then

bleed…DAMN!…OK, no-one's looking…*puff, puff* YOU ARE *puff,

puff* NOT GOING *puff. puff* TO LEAVE *puff, puff* ME ALONE

*puff, puff* WITH HAIRSPRAY! *puff, puff*…DO YOU *puff, puff*

HEAR ME? *puff, puff*

"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME!"

*puff, puff* Did I just call that out loud? *puff, puff* They'll never let

me forget that… *puff, puff* Is he breathing yet?…YES!…Well, just once

more…Just to be safe…*puff, puff*…"Mmmph!?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MOUSSE!?"

WHAPWHAPWHAP

"What did you do that for?", Mousse complained as the slaps brought him

back to reality. "Shampoo!?"

"I-I…I…Iwasjustgivingyoumouthtomouthresusciationtherewasnoreasonfor

youtostartdoingthingswithyourtonguelikethatandit'sbestforyouthatnobody

sawit", Shampoo said, blushing furiously. "I…I…It's good that you're

OK…Hairspray's here too…Akari, Mrs. Saotome…and a friend of theirs

should be here any minute." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks.

Hairspray loudly joined in moments later.

Mousse decided it was worth the risk to put his arms around them.

"My, my, my", Blumberg chuckled as he faded into view. "How touching…

Do you have any idea how much work I put into those mirrors?"

"You only have yourself to blame", Mousse muttered. "If you didn't want

them broken you shouldn't have surrounded me with them and told me to

find the way out."

"You, young man, have proven yourself a true nuisance and given time you

could possibly develop into an amusing but frustrating foil", Blumberg said.

"HOWEVER…That is an amusement I can do without. Farewell, Children."

Blumberg's hands began to glow and crackle.

Just as the energy bolt left Blumberg's hands a robed shape interposed itself

between him and his targets, taking the blast squarely in the chest.

A look of horror flickered over Blumberg's features and his mouth moved

as if trying to curse or just ask why. Then the rejected years washed over

him, followed by the scars and deformities suffered by Zelda before he

shrivelled up and turned into dust. The same changes in reverse flowed over

Zelda, smiling peacefully as she turned back into the beautiful young

woman she had once been before she too disintegrated.

Moments later, Akari and Nodoka caught up with them. As the shock died

down, Shampoo realised what she was doing and quickly stepped away.

"Mousse! You're hurt!", Akari cried.

"I-it's mostly flesh wounds…Nothing serious", Mousse said.

"I think best bind them anyway", Shampoo said. "You bleeding on my

clothes…Anyone have bandages?"

"I guess the best we have are the bits of Mousse's robe that he hasn't bled

on yet", Nodoka said. "I'll take care of Hairspray."

"Pants too, Mousse", Shampoo said as Mousse handed over Hairspray

and disrobed.

"B-but…", Mousse began.

"Can't bind injuries on legs with them on", Shampoo explained. "Besides,

nothing I not seen before. Drop them."

"B-but…", Mousse began again, fending her off.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've got the stone", Akari said. "And I

know how it works. Here."

"Th-thank you, Akari", Mousse said, still trying to keep an eye on

Shampoo. "Uh…How does it work?"

Shampoo used the opportunity to remove the now unprotected pants.

This, of course, jogged Mousse and some blood splattered on the stone.

It started to glow.

So did Mousse, with his hair standing on end.

His scream of pain was abruptly cut off and he collapsed again.

The figurine, now in the shape of a familiar-looking duck, fell from

his hand.

Ranma and Akane arrived as he was getting back up.

"Uh…What happened?", Ranma asked. "There was an explosion or

something and…"

"It's over", Mousse said. "He…the guy who was behind this…Wu Jing's

boss…is dead. We got the stone back…Where is it?"

"Is this right stone?", Shampoo said, picking up the figurine. "Was human-

like before."

"It has absorbed Mousse's curse, so now it looks like Mousse did as a

duck", Akari said. "Zelda explained it to us."

"Zelda?", Mousse said.

"The one who blocked…", Nodoka began.

"WAIT!", Ranma interrupted. "You mean that thing got rid of Duckboy's

curse? How does it work?"

"Don't bother", Akari said. "Zelda said it only works something like once

every...SHAMPOO! Put that shard of glass down! It won't work again for a

long time!"

"What won't work again for a long time?", Ryoga asked as he and Genma

caught up with them.

"That thing we got at the shrine", Akane said. "The thing that caused all of

this."

"Someone on the other side gave it to Akari, who gave it back to Mousse",

Ranma continued. "It removed Mousse's curse…"

"I can't believe you let Mo…", Ryoga began.

"I like you just the way you are", Akari interrupted him with a smile. "You

know that."

"Yes…But…"

"Shush…"

"Now, let's go home", Genma said. "Wait…Where's Ukyo?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about her", someone said. "She's perfectly safe…for

now."

Anansi and Lumpen appeared behind them. Once they had everyone's

attention Lumpen released the unconscious Ukyo from within the

trenchcoat.

"How about we trade?", Anansi said. "The talented ms. Kuonji for a certain

stone currently in your possession. What do you say, Mu Si?"

"What have you done to her?", Ranma demanded.

"Nothing, really", Anansi said, shutting Lumpen up with a gesture. "She's

no use as a hostage if she's dead."

"What makes you think we'll let you get away with this?", Ryoga growled.

"There's mo…"

Mousse gestured to him to be quiet.

"You can have the stone, no problem", Mousse said. "I mean, it doesn't

work anymore…It'll be as useless for you as for us."

"Oh, we have no need of it", Anansi said.

"We arre to brring it back to the forrmerr ownerr", Lumpen added. "It's the

prrinciplle of the thing."

"So you work for the people Tao Tao and Wu Jing stole it from?"

"He is sllightlly furrtherr back in the chain of acquisition than the whining

poseurrs they stolle it frrom", Lumpen continued.

"So, do we have a deal?", Anansi said, poking at the slowly stirring Ukyo

with his foot.

"Sigh…Let us check on Ukyo first", Mousse said.

Anansi and Lumpen moved back slightly as Ranma and Akane checked that

Ukyo was OK.

"Is she…", Shampoo began.

"She's seems alright", Akane said.

"OK…Here's the stone." Mousse tossed it to Anansi.

"I'm still waiting for the explanation of what that thing is", Ranma said.

"The olld felllow cllaimed it was just some trrinket thrrown togetherr

by some Neanderrthall sorrcerrerr who rreallised it is saferr forr immorrtalls

not to stand out in a crrowd", Lumpen explained. "But, then again, he is an

inveterrate lliarr."

"Now then", Anansi said. "As I am an honest Puck and all that jazz –

farewell."

Lumpen wrapped his trenchcoat around him and he vanished.

"WAIT A MINUTE!", Shampoo shouted. "That all explanation we get?"

"Yes."

With that, Lumpen folded himself into his trenchcoat, which then

continued to fold into itself, disappearing from view.

Epilogue

"Have you figured out how to explain that you lost the stone to what's-her-

name yet?", Ukyo asked.

"What?…Uhm…No", Mousse said, looking up from bottle-feeding

Hairspray. "Any ideas? And her name's Michiko."

"How about 'We were just about to bring it back when these two guys

showed up and stole it'?"

"Well, that was what happened, more or less. Have _you_ figured out

where what's-his-name went?"

"Konatsu? He got an anonymous note asking for a date or something. I

guess it turned out better than he expected."

"You're not worried?"

"Konatsu can take care of hi…Well, he's a good martial artist and a ninja,

he can defend himself."

"We're back!", Shampoo called from the hall. "So stop now!"

"Stop what now?", Ukyo asked, but was ignored as Shampoo relieved

Mousse of his daughter.

"You were a good girl while Mo…Shampoo was away, weren't you?",

Shampoo said to Hairspray. "Kept an eye on Daddy and Auntie Ukyo so

they behaved themselves, didn't you? You're so clever!"

"Whatever she thinks you two malingerers has been up to while she had her

back turned", Ranma said.

"She's been worrying about it all day", Akane added. "And certain people

who shall remain nameless didn't exactly help."

"But we couldn't…Hairspray's here…", Ukyo said. "And Kasumi…and

your mother…and Mousse's wounds would have re-opene…I'm not

helping either, am I?"

"Was there anything left of the farm?", Mousse interrupted.

"Well…Most of pigs survived", Akari said. "Some clothes will be alright

after they're cleaned, some books and one of the pigs had actually managed

to rescue most of the important papers."

"I…I'm sorry…"

"It wasn't your fault."

* * * * * *

Michiko was a little disappointed that they didn't come back, but she was

sure they had a good reason. Besides, the stone was Mousse's, sort of.

More Mousse's than hers, anyway. And they lived such busy and exciting

lives too. Not just living in real Tokyo, rather than what was at best an

insignificant, isolated, nameless suburb, but they were martial artists too,

travelling to lost worlds and mysterious islands to defeat sinister

masterminds and evil warlords. Just like on TV, or in the comics. Not just

sitting around guarding a vault full of magical artefacts, keeping them out of

the wrong hands. On the other hand, they kind of owed her a favour or two

now, which would be useful if there was an emergency or something. At

least it was better than trying to contact Sailor Moon. Of course, she was

only nine at the time. And she'd been really desperate for help.

Anyway, all she really needed was an emergency.

* * * * * *

The Elders looked at each other, some conspiratorially, some speechless, but

none entirely unsurprised.

"A baby!? How?"

"Now you're just being naive, Basin. You know very well how."

"But Shampoo hasn't managed to snare her supposed husband…"

"I think they've pretty much given up on that. I know Cologne has."

"It says here that Mousse is the father."

"So, someone got lucky at least."

"Pay up, Sponge-bag."

"Not until they're married."

"Come on, they're practically married already. They've…"

"You said the same thing when they were three."

"Besides, the letter also says that Shampoo isn't the mother."

"Hah! Pay up, Plunger."

"QUIET! The mother is missing, presumed dead, and apparently there are

plenty of local girls volunteering to help out..."

"Cologne even added profiles and assessment on what they could add to

the line."

"And you said she didn't take these things seriously."

"She still doesn't. This profile, for example, lists, as a minor drawback,

'Subject is a male crossdresser.' Which is a shame, since it's apparently a

genius ninja."

"But that's just one…"

"Two. Three, if we count Shampoo's supposed husband and retroactively

change that rule to count for males defeated by outsider women too."

"She also mentions that Shampoo doesn't seem entirely happy with the

idea. She's warming up to little Hairspray…at least."

"This sounds like a perfect opportunity to make things more interesting…

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"At your age? SHAME!"

"I don't think we have any of those agreements at the moment…None

that we could apply to either of those two."

"I have an idea that could be fun…Bath has had visions of his brother

acting strangely…"

"Bath's brother always acted strangely, that's why he's in exile."

"I know, but listen…His brother lives far away from both us and Japan, but

he's still, technically, our responsibility, so here's what we do…"

* * * * * *

At first, the woman was surprised at the lack of security, but then she

remembered that to these people the young man was just a John Doe who

wouldn't be going anywhere in the immediate future.

"Wu Jing?"

Wu Jing opened his non-bandaged-over eye and looked at the woman. She

was beautiful, with waist-length hair, not exactly black but a very dark

nuance of a more unusual colour, and slightly darker skin than usual,

although she was probably almost old enough to be his mother. She wore

a cheongsam in white and almost-black blue, and carried a staff, or maybe

it was a very long-hafted mace or an anorectic polearm. It had an strange-

looking metal shape at the top.

"Yes", Wu Jing rasped. "What do you want?"

"I heard you got yourself in trouble with some of the Joketsuzoku", the

woman said in Mandarin.

"Duck-boy just got lucky."

"But he has been lucky before, hasn't he?…No, don't say anything, just

listen. You're not the only one with a score to settle. I represent a group

of people who have also been wronged by the Joketsuzoku and we could

use someone with your skills…"

"What's in it for me?"

"Revenge. Money. Not having to spend the next few months in a hospital

worrying that someone identifies you and send you where you belong. The

skills to finally defeat your rival in combat. Do we have a deal?"

Wu Jing thought for a few moments.

"Yes."

The room was empty less than fifteen minutes later.

THE END (of this story arc)