Author's Note - Hey guys, I'm back and with a new chapter in less than six months! So, this beauty is finishing up (I know, I'm crying too just thinking about it). However, I still have a few things I need to do so we'll see what happens. Now, is the first section of this chapter completely unnecessary? Eh, probably, but I was like, screw it, this is my filler and I love it and I think you guys will too. Besides, I needed some more humor in this and what better humor is there than eccentric personalities and slapstick? Also, the second half of the chapter is just my obsession with the Nara clan coming together in my writing. But you'll need to read to see what I mean. I hope you guys like it! On to the story!

Chapter 21: Whatever You Say, Dear

Meanwhile: in Konoha 2.0

Ichiro

It's needless to say that Ichiro Hyuga, heir to the Hyuga clan, adopted son of Lady Hinata Hyuga and Vice-Commander Kiba Inuzuka, dual citizen of Konoha and Suna-

"What part of 'I'm not talking to you,' aren't you getting?!"

"The fact that every time I ignore you, you decide to start going on about me flirting with the client. Which for the million time, I wasn't flirting."

"What were you doing then if you weren't (bunny-ears) flirting?"

"I was getting information from him-"

"By flirting!"

Ichiro's left eyebrow was ticking again.

-Does not do drama. Or yelling. Or sobbing. Or any of the other forms of belligerent sexual tension ridden fighting that was oozing out of the male members of Team 4 since they had arrived last night. At 11:00 pm. By kicking down the door. Not to mention it was now 10:00 am the next day, the duo had bickered all night and the female member of Team 4-

Click, click.

Was doing absolutely nothing to stop them.

"Are you taking pictures?" His best friend, Mirai Sarutobi, asked her godfather's female student in disbelief.

"It's for blackmail and art inspiration, duh." The meek looking Retsu explained as she adjusted her phone's camera for a better angle. Ichiro repressed his own snort at his thoughts. As if you would describe Retsu as meek on the battlefield, the crazy she-witch. She pushed her wiry glasses back into place as a disturbing blush rouged her normally icy visage. "I'll call the piece, 'The Consequences of a Sex Free Mission.' It'll be glorious."

At his side, Mirai facepalmed with the rest of the 'Konoha 11 Kids' that were having breakfast in the Nara Uzumaki dining room. The temptation to join in the facepalming was strong but Ichiro restrained himself. I am a Hyuga, he reminded himself. Hyugas do not use their monthly facepalms lightly. (Well, Kenji does but he was half Inuzuka so it didn't count.) Even though it was very tempting, especially, when he considered the fact that his own genin team was far better behaved than the Commander Nara's fulling grown, adult, Jonin team.

Ichiro's exhaustion wasn't doing his patience any favors either. When his team was given the task of escorting the Sand Ambassador (and his genins/little cousins), Ichiro knew that that spelled trouble. Granted, he got along with Haji just fine. The boys were the same age and Haji (being the son of the Fifth Kazekage, Temari) always had interesting topics to debate over. Sadly, the same could not be said of their respective genin teams, who had a deep hatred for each other after the results of the last Chunin exam. The teams bickering led to his pounding headache and Ichiro couldn't help but praise the deities that the Sand crew decided to stay in a hotel this time around instead of the Nara compound like they normally do.

… On second thought, maybe his team wasn't any better than Team 4 when it came to bickering.

However, Ichiro paused as he remembered that time, he and Mirai were seven and were kidnapped from the Academy playground by anti-alliance traitors (a horribly ironic name in his humble opinion). It had been then Chunin Team 4 who were returning from their mission from the Land of Snow that had intercepted the would-be kidnappers. Was Team 4 crazy? Absolutely. Was Team 4 deadly and powerful?

Even more so.

"Aren't you going to stop them?" As always, Ichiro found himself being the voice of reason.

"Nope." Retsu popped the 'p' as she reclined back in her dining room chair. "I've been dealing with this since Kumo. They're Sensei's problem now."

"Uh, how?" Chocho asked as she reached for more juice.

"Isn't it obvious?" Retsu deadpanned. His brother, the dumbass that Kenji was, opened his mouth to answer. "Don't answer. It was rhetorical. Where was I? Oh right. The babes get sent to a different dimension, Sensei and Miss Naruto go after them and no one thought to tell us. I am hurt. Very hurt." She covered a hand across her heart, as if she was having heart palpitations. "And in retribution for this level of hurt, Sensei gets to fix those two dumbasses for not taking us with him." Such a drama queen.

"Just wait till they find out about the sex-changes-ow!" Ichiro leveled his best 'shut up, you idiot' glare at his little brother as Kenji rubbed his shin.

"Huh?" Yeah, the executive decision to not tell Team 4 about the other dimension's Lord Hokage was definitely the right decision.

"Nothing, Retsu!" Sarada covered up quickly. "Could you pass the-"

"Oi, brats, taking your peacocking outside where I can't hear it!" Dad yelled into the hallway as he marched into the living room.

"Do you think Dad knows that peacocking is a straight guy trying to impress a girl, right?" Kenji muttered. Ichiro shrugged as he glanced that the most feminine looking man in the room, which wasn't him, for once. Well, it wouldn't be the first time that Kaien's been mistaken for a girl.

It was like a stampede was rooming the halls as the older generation entered into the living room. In his opinion, it was ridiculously unfair that they weren't allowed in when the Lady Hokage was calling in with an update (since he was still in shinobi mode, he was trying to keep referring to his aunt and uncle by their official titles). Granted, his eyes locked on Sarada, given the amount of drama surrounding himself and Sarada, it was probably a good thing that they were out of the room.

"This is so unfair- Screw it." The room turned back to Retsu as the woman pushed herself upright. "Anyone else want to do what shinobi are supposed to do and spy on the adults?"

Ichiro shared a look with Mirai, whose red eyes gleamed at the idea. He could tell that, to a degree, Mirai felt close to and perhaps even more of the level of hurt that Retsu had expressed early. While being her overly dramatic self, it was clear that Retsu was both hurt and worried about the whole situation. But when he thought about it, it made sense and he couldn't help comparing it to his own family.

His family was a hodgepodge of the blending of two complete opposite clans with another nation that likes to visit on the holidays. His parents' relationship had been a scandal in their teenage years which became even more dramatic before and after Mom took over as the Lady Hyuga. Then there was the whole, is Kenji a Hyuga or Inuzuka, scene. Not to mention that his parents didn't marry until Kenji was about to be born.

No, literally, they had been celebrating their marriage when Mom went into labor. Thanks, Dad, for that information.

Ichiro always felt that he tittered on a fine line with his families. Turns out, even though most Hyugas had worked with Inuzukas at least once in their life, the two clans clashed.

Badly.

While Grandfather Hiashi and Grandma Tsume had been teammates, there was so much to their story left unknown that made any dinner with them an instant contender for 'The Most Uncomfortable Dinner Ever!' Aunt Hana was cool, especially when she let her dogs lose on Dad, and was probably the sanest one in the family, ironically. Her kids, on the other hand, were little shits that Ichiro had to restrain himself from strangling them whenever they visited.

Then there was Aunt Hanabi with Uncle Konohamaru who were so on again, off again, that the Hyuga-Inuzuka kids kept calling Konohamaru Uncle for the convenience of it all. Don't even get him started on Uncle Shino and his everchanging girlfriend of the month. Ichiro and Mirai even tried stalking Uncle Shino once just to see how he was able to get so many girls. The key word was tried. Granted, Uncle Shino was by far his favorite uncle and him being Ichiro's academy sensei was cool, until Mirai started to show what happens when you're raised by the, quote, pranking gods of Konoha and he got caught in the girl's mess very, freaking, time.

Finally, there was his Suna side. His birth mother; the woman he really didn't know what to think about her. Ichiro sighed to himself softly at the thought of their meeting when he had become the Leaf ambassador to Suna.

What do you do when a woman loves you so much that she sacrificed her own happiness for him to grow up the way his birth father wished him to?

Clearly, Ichiro shook the thoughts out of his head, families in Konoha were messy to say the least.

The best example was the Nara Uzumakis, obviously. It was a known secret to literally every shinobi on this side of Konoha and beyond that Commander Nara had officially and unofficially adopted his genin team when he learned that Kaien and Retsu hadn't found a place to stay when the orphanage's old matron had kicked then out when they became genin and refused to give her money.

That matron no longer runs the orphanage and orphaned genin do receive a stipend for housing.

As for Daisuke, the civilian-raised shinobi ran away to the Nara compound after continuous pressure to quit and a horrid lack of understanding from his wealthy (like Daimyo level wealthy) parents. In short, Team 4 had been raised by a couple that in reality was barely older than them but to Team 4, that didn't matter. As far as Team 4 was concerned, the Lady Hokage and Commander Nara were their parents and they were completely cool with it.

And then there was Mirai, who was moved into a little house on Nara land after her mother gave birth to her because the Sarutobi housing had been destroyed during the Pein invasion. The temporary housing soon became permanent and it was natural for Mirai to be rotated between her mother, Commander Nara and the Lady Hokage.

Now, let's not be mistaken, Aunt Kurenai is an amazing mother to Mirai and was by no means neglecting her daughter. However, a kunoichi of Kurenai's caliber was too important to not have back in the field post-war. Especially with the complete rehaul of the kunoichi curriculum in the Academy that Aunt Kurenai helped to create. As a result, the "multi-parenting system" as Mirai likes to call it became the Third's granddaughter's family.

Not to mention the fact that Mirai is still on the shinobi's "Break Heart and Die a Painful Death" list because no one (read carefully, no one) breaks the heart of Commander Nara's girls and lives to see the next morning. May the poor bastard that broke Retsu's heart have fun forever cleaning the shit-hole of all outposts in the Land of Snow while freezing his balls off.

So yeah, families in Konoha, both messy-

"That's a great idea, Retsu. Come on, Kaien-"

"Still not talking to you."

"Can't you two get a room and makeup already? This is getting ridiculous." Mirai rolled her eyes in sync with Retsu.

-and bat-shit crazy.

Spying on shinobi shouldn't really be this easy. However, the gang was in the Nara-Uzumaki household which meant that it was riddled with more trap doors and spying hatches than the entirety of Konoha. Apparently, when Aunt Naruto and Uncle Shikamaru had officially became the Lord and Lady Nara, they had decided to keep all of the hidden spots in the main house from their interesting childhood. Their logic (ok, Aunt Naruto's logic) was that their kids should know how to spy without getting caught. They were raising shinobi, afterall. If anything, they gave their kids incentive to be the noisy little shits that they were today (cough, Mirai, cough).

Kind of like the time Mira and Taka eavesdropped on Shino and the other sensei to figure out what their graduation exam would be and then proceed to screw with all the senseis. To which the Lady Hokage had laughed/scolded 'if you didn't want the brats to know about the exam, you shouldn't have talked about it at the academy!' Naturally the Commander proceeded to give remedial training to all of the senseis while giving the twins their first C-rank mission pay, the lucky bastards.

The point is that Aunt Naruto and Uncle Shikamaru practically invented a how-to-raise-a-growing-shinobi parenting style that encourage things like spying (a totally normal shinobi trait), pranking (the amount of planning that went into the twins pranks outshone most tacticians), cheating (Mirai didn't even know the definition of a fair fight when she was a genin; RIP Sensei's balls), etc.

So, a vent with a seal that made the tiny vent huge on the inside while giving the kids the ability to listen to every word of the conversation in the living room? A perfectly normal thing to find in the Nara-Uzumaki household.

"Ow!"

"Dude, that is my spleen."

"Chocho, your butt is in my face. My face!"

"How unyouthful this-"

"Sh! You idiots, I can't hear anything!"

Too bad the vent still made them feel like a can of sardines. Ichiro was about to say that this was a horrible idea, yet again, when-

"Leaf HURRICANE!"

Crack!

"AH!"

They fell through the opening in the ceiling that Uncle Lee had caused, thus creating a lovely dogpile in the center of the living room. Only Sarada was saved by her father, who shot a death glare at Uncle Lee which should have killed him. The adults gaped at them before turning to Uncle Lee. The green spandex-wearing man rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I thought that we were being spied on by enemy forces."

"God dammit, Lee! This is why I have a training field under the house so we don't destroy my house!" Aunt Naruto's voice rang out.

Ichiro was taken aback by the wall/inter dimensional video screen. It was weird seeing the duplicates of his parents and their friends from a different world. It was even weirder seeing the smaller number of kids in that dimension. He also couldn't help but notice the vastly unequal number between boys and girls in the younger generation. He put that information away for later

"My apologies, Naruto! I shall rebuild it! If not, I will run around Konoha 10,000 times on my hands!"

"Yosh!" Oh god, there's four of them.

"You do you, Lee." Aunt Naruto sweatdropped. "You do you."

"Ah man, guys. That was our favorite vent." Mira whined out. At her side was a mini of Uncle Shikamaru and blonde-haired boy with whiskers who mouthed to each other,

"Favorite vent?"

"Anyway," Mom interjected. "When are you guys coming home?"

"The council is starting to asking questions." Aunt Naruto opened her mouth to answer when Lord Sixth cut her off. "And no, telling them that you're having your fifth honeymoon isn't working."

"Dammit. Whatever, we'll probably be home tonight or tomorrow at the latest." The Lady Seventh explained. "We're waiting to see how Shikamaru is feeling before we head back." He could feel Team 4's collective back straightening. Daisuke and Kaien even halted their bickering over the idea that their sensei may be injured.

"What?" Ow! Ichiro glared back at Retsu as the older girl shoved Inojin into him. "Is Sensei hurt? Again?"

"Why am I not surprised?" Daisuke muttered.

"Your lack of faith in Sensei is surprising."

"What happened to not talking to me?"

"Why you-" Well, that was short-lived.

"Sensei?" The Aunt Ino behind the screen asked. "Does your Shikamaru have a genin team?"

"What? Yours doesn't?" At the collective nod from everyone in the other dimension, Aunt Naruto groaned. "Great, well I guess we need more introductions then. The girl in the chainmail midi skirt with glasses is Retsu while the two boys fighting are Daisuke and Kaien."

Confusion rippled the other side for two beats until-

"That's a boy?" Ugh, great going, Dad Married to a Cat Lady.

"Excuse you!" Kaien huffed in horror. "I am the epitome of manliness." Daisuke snorted loudly.

"In a mini skirt?"

"This is a battle yukata made to hide more kunais than you would know how to handle, you uncultured, unfabulous swine!"

"How could I be uncultured if you bought and designed all of my uniforms?"

"Your unfabulousness tarnishes all of my previous efforts."

"What the-"

SMACK, smack.

"Will you two shut up already?!" Retsu snapped at them, while Mirai rolled her eyes at them.

"If you couldn't tell, Auntie, they've missed you guys and Retsu has a migraine."

"No thanks to you morons."

"Happy to help." Of course they would stop fighting at Retsu's expanse.

"I'll kill you both, slowly." Laugher burst on the other side and Ichiro had to do a double-tack. What was Lady Temari doing in the other dimension's version of Konoha?

"This is brilliant!" The Suna woman cackled. "These brats are Shikamaru's?" Aunt Naruto started to chuckle with her.

"Yep, these are the hellions known as Team 4. We like to send them on missions to quote 'blow shit up,' end quote. Shikamaru is just supposed to make sure that they don't cause too much damage."

"That's hilarious!" No fucking way… Ichiro couldn't believe it when Lady Temari shifted slightly, revealing the Nara clan symbol on her shoulder. How the hell does Uncle Shikamaru always get the hot blonde who also kick major ass?

A flash of orange drew Ichiro to the side of the screen. The lanky, short-haired and moderately buff male version of their Hokage in – were those sweatpants? Lazily striding next to him was a beardless version of their Commander into what look like navy shinobi style jumpsuit and a lab coat. Speaking of Uncle Shikamaru-

"SENSEI?! There's two of you?! And what happened to your beard?!" Retsu gasped dramatically. Huh, the beard really did make the goatee look better. The Uncle Shikamaru without the beard looked like a deer in headlights (ha, dad jokes) at Retsu's bipolarness. Beside him was their Commander, rubbing his temples as he fought off another headache caused by Team 4.

Well, at least it couldn't get any wor-

"What the hell? Is Miss Naruto a man now?!"

"And a hot one at that."

"Kaien!"

He stands corrected.

"This is why we want you guys to visit." Taka said to his counterpart in his sarcastic drawl. "Because our family isn't insane enough as it is."

Back to Konoha 1.0

Commander Nara

Darkness.

Normally, darkness was Shikamaru's friend, his loyal ally, his most powerful tool. But in this, this abbess that he was wandering through, it was a troublesome nuisance. His family, his wife, needed him to be conscious and Shikamaru had neither the time nor the patience to deal with this roadblock. It didn't matter what he felt, how much he continued to grumble under his breath. He knew where he was going. His black surroundings lightened with every step forward until he crossed the bright, slivery threshold.

The forest that he ventured into dwarfed that of Konoha's own Nara forest. It smothered back most of the sunlight, the remaining light peeking through became his only guide through the shadows. The smell of wood burning indicated his arrival before his eyes adjusted. The shadows seemed to rescind back, removing the protection layer to reveal the campground to him.

"It's about time, boy. The tea is done."

Shika Nara sat behind the fire pit. Her robes consisted of furs, pelts, and shadows that melted into her surroundings. Her hood was pulled back, her silver hair cascading down her petite frame. She was once a beautiful woman, Shikamaru could tell, but-

The ancestor turned to face him, her golden-brown gaze locking with his own and he resisted the urge to flinch back. Before his eyes, he watched as her aged beauty flickered and the ugliness of a hag over took her. Then the beauty returned, then the ugliness. The two polar opposites clashed against one another. None of this mattered to Shikamaru. He needed to leave.

"What do you want?" Shikamaru made no move to sit, even as the founding mother of his clan raised a delicately, furry eyebrow at his snark. Her hand twitched and he tightened as her shadow gripped a hold of his. It tugged his forward but in an act of strength and defiance, he resisted her hold.

"Good." She purred. Mother Nara reached into the fire, ignoring the flames and the heat emanating from the pot as she gripped the ceramic handle to pour her tea. "You've gotten stronger." She took a sip, her full lips withering as they touched the cup. When she pulled back, they were back to their fullness.

"To answer your question, I wanted to speak with you. You've been ignoring me." Of course he was ignoring her. She, like the rest of the women in his life, caused him nothing but trouble. Shikamaru glared down at her.

"So you decide to haunt Shikamira and Shikadai instead?"

"Obviously." She waved off his question, as if it was the stupidest question she ever heard. "It was necessary to communicate with them, Shikamaru. They weren't ready to face the Otsutsuki alone and the you in this world does a better job at ignoring me than you do. Would you rather I let them die?" She was challenging him again. His hands curled into fists and he wanted nothing more than to punch her. While it was extremely out of character for him to be this aggressive, he was done. He was done with this 'Awakened Nara' nonsense. He was done with dealing with beings that defied logic, like aliens, the semi-immortal assholes, and the dead. He was…

Shikamaru tilted his head upward. The slimmer of light warmed his cheeks. He forced himself to calm down. To still the never-ending thoughts that energized and crippled his brain. To let go the nerves, worry and anger over the unknown state of his family. To forget the fact that he didn't even know what had become of his wife and daughter.

His nerves were shot. They had been since the kids disappeared. Even their brief reunion did nothing to ease Shikamaru's paranoia, and rightful so, given what happened. And yet, Shikamaru breathed out a heavy sigh, there was nothing else he could have done.

And that's what angered him the most.

He sat down and accepted the tea that the hag passed him. She was waiting for him to finish contemplating everything and for him to let go of his anger.

As a key pillar in the life of Naruto Uzumaki, Shikamaru had learned that absolutely anything is possible with her. In order to stay alive, and keep his sanity, he had learned to go with the flow. Attacked by a Sannin during their Chunin Exams, of course it happened to her. Becoming friends with Konoha's oldest enemies, a completely normal occurrence. Hunted by a group that wanted Kurama, all in a day's work. The kids traveling to a different dimension, honestly he should have seen that one coming.

The point was, Shikamaru Nara was used to weird, logic defying stuff happening to Naruto. He had accepted it. That didn't mean that he had to like it.

It was like the time he was forced to stay as the Kages (and his twins and Sasuke, unknowingly to him at the time) went to rescue Naruto during the Chunin Exams. He couldn't leave, because as Jonin Commander, it was Shikamaru who had to lead Konoha in their Hokage's absence. He had to put on a brave face and wait. Wait for their Hokage to be rescued.

For his wife to be rescued.

At least this time, Shikamaru knew that he could trust his copycat and Naruto's male self 150%.

Still, that primal instinct within every man, the desire to protect his woman and kin, burned so deeply through him that he hated any situation where he had no control and where he could do nothing to remedy the situation.

"What do you want?" Shikamaru gave in as he questioned his ancestor. She leaned back to level her gaze at him. Her face continued to shift.

"Oh, I wanted many things. I wanted to see you reach your full potential and I made that happen."

"You stabbed me with your shadow!" Shikamaru protested only to wither back at her glare.

"It was necessary! Your yin chakra needed a catalyst to awaken it. You were dead at the hands of a man playing god because you refused to reach out and seize your innate power!" She snapped back in a furry. "The only reason any of you survived against him was because of your wife. You should be thanking me, you insulant boy. Your wife's lineage and I are the reasons that will never happen again to you or any of your children."

"Look, it's not that I'm not grateful for that." Because, honestly, he was grateful for her actions that day. "What I'm asking is why did it have to be our clan?" Her face seemed to softened. She picked up on the resignation in his voice.

"What I've always wanted," The gold in her eyes burned. "is for our clan to succeed like no other clan has. To become so respected and ingrained in a place that to remove our clan would lead to that place's ultimate destruction. To grow and prosper in the shadows like the true shinobi that we are. Silent, steady and deadly. That is what I want."

"You want world domination?" That would be the logical train of thought, except she snorted at the questioned.

"World domination? Only a fool would wish for that and we Naras are no fools." She waved her hand in the air, the shadows in the tree line pulled toward her to glove her wrinkled skin. "No, I want us to be the clan that world can't live without because of our knowledge, our strength, our ingenuity. We are the clan that others go to when the world goes to hell, Shikamaru. That is what I want. That is what I've always wanted. That is why I gambled with the Shinigami for us to have the yin chakra that we do. That is why I look as I do, so that I can be in the voice in your brain when you're about to get yourself killed. It is a great honor for a clan to weld such power."

He knew that, and there would always be a part of him that respected her for it. He knew that she gambled with the gods to bless her progeny with this gift over yin chakra. He knew that she let the Shinigami destroy her vanity and image so that she could communicate from the other side. He respected the love that she had for the Nara clan. He just hated all of the work she caused him. What was with women and their constant need to give him more work?

"But we never wanted it."

"And that is why we have it."

"Gee, thanks." He grumbled as he watched the shadows on her hand become a ball of light. "You starting to sound like my gran-"

"Ah, Haruka Sarutobi, now that was a smart woman. Very worthy to be the Lady Nara." Shika Nara complimented his grandmother as if she knew her personally. Given his luck, she probably did. "She saw the greatness in our clan while everyone else was blinded by what they believed. Alas, that is neither here nor there."

A chill blew through the leaves. The flames next to them shrunk before roaring back with a greater force. The woman before him looked more ghoul like than normal.

"Our time is growing shorter, child." Shikamaru repressed the urge to argue that he was no longer a child. "Luckily, Shikadai is now awakened. With his new power, he can face what is to come." That got his attention.

"What do you mean? What's coming?" The hag smirked at him.

"Perhaps your children will face it, perhaps they won't. These multiple dimensions do complicate matters." She didn't flinch as he reached forward to fist the collar of her robes.

"What's coming?" Shikamaru growled down at her. He didn't have time for her mind games. His kids, and yes, that included Shikadai, were in danger and he'd be damned if he didn't get answers. Shika Nara's smirk deepened.

"Now if I told you that, you'd lose your paranoia. Paranoia has always been a good ally for you, boy. I suggest you tell yourself what you've learned. Perhaps that'll motivate him to listen to his instincts."

"And you." She shrugged halfheartedly.

"That too." The wind was starting to pick up around them. It howled in his ears. "Awake up, Shikamaru Nara. Remember, only we are Fertile with Yin."

Suddenly, she melted out of his grasp as the ground shook beneath him. Shikamaru rushed to stand as the trees began to tumble. He sprinted to the tree closest to him. He ran up the tree, leapt through it branches before launching himself through the leaves into the sunlight.

He struggled to pry his eyes open. It felt like a dream, his conversation with Shika Nara. Expect he knew better than to question it. At least this time, she didn't stab him with her shadow.

Finally, his eyes opened to the sight of a familiar mahogany ceiling. Laughter and chatter hummed in the distance and for a spilt second, he thought that he was in his own house.

"Fucking A." Shikamaru hissed as he gingerly tried to sit up on the crappy sofa that he was laying on. The blanket across his chest pooled at his lap as his lower back stung like a bitch. Dammit, Nara was right. That couch did cause one hell of a bad back. Good thing Naruto decided to burn theirs in a bonfire after learning about Kaien and Daisuke's, um, fun time on it while they had been away when the boys were eighteen.

Which only meant that this wasn't his house.

Man, what a drag.

"You know that's a bad word, Daddy." Shikamaru's neck creaked horribly as Motoko popped into view. His youngest baby girl had been snuggled up on the futon next to him.

"Come here, Little Fawn." Screw his back, Shikamaru decided as he tucked Motoko under his chin. He fell softly onto the pillow as the relief started to set in. His baby was safe. "You're right, Motoko. That was a bad word and we're not going to tell Mommy that you learned it from me." The four-year old gave him a mischievous look that Shikamaru totally blamed Naruto's side of the family for.

"I want dango and five Bring-Momo-to-Work-Days." She even raised her hand with all of her fingers spread out just to emphasize how serious she was.

"Dango and 3 days." Yes, he was bargaining with a four-year-old. Don't judge him.

"Dango, 2 days, and ice cream."

"Deal." Motoko snuggled deeper into him, her little hand twirling the end of his beard goatee. "Where is everyone?"

"Outside, Daddy. Mommy made omelets with smiley faces for breakfast."

"And why aren't you eating?" Motoko buried herself deeper against his neck in an effort to escape his question. "Motoko Nara Uzumaki, you know better than to sleep through breakfast."

"But Daddy… then you would be all alone and Mommy wouldn't eat."

He should have known.

So many thoughts spun in the Commander's head from that little answer. The first being that he had the most troublesome, yet loving children in the world. The second, they had all inherited his keen eye, his bluntness and Naruto's brashness and no one in Konoha was safe from their observations. The third, it finally clicked that Motoko was saying Mommy as if Naruto was there.

The futon hadn't been Motoko's. It had been Naruto's which meant she slept by his side while he was MIA.

Which could only mean-

"Come on, Little Fawn." Ignoring the urge to curse in pain as he stood. "Let's go see Mommy and make sure she's eating." To his utter surprise, Motoko threw herself out of his arms and spun around to glare a 'Really, Daddy?' look with a pair of stern crossed arms.

Had he been out of it for that long that Motoko had gone through her Daddy-Pick-Me-Up phase already? Shikamaru could barely handle it when it happened to Mirai, Shikamira, Benihime and Takashi (for a breath instance, Takashi had always been more of a Mama's boy). He sure as hell wasn't ready for Motoko to go through it too.

Yes, he was in denial about his children growing up way too fast.

Again, don't judge him.

"Bad Daddy." She reached up to grabbed his hand. "Granny said not to do anything silly until she said so." No, he did not breathe a sigh of relief at that logical answer (be quiet, Ino).

Each step through the kitchen started to weigh down on him as the anticipation built. He could hear his heart beat against his chest as the smallest Nara Uzumaki pulled him onto the porch. We must be living up to Mom's nickname, he mused as no one made moves to look towards him. To his left, the adults laughed through memories of easy missions as the genin were bunched together in a whispering huddle that could only mean trouble. Why, you may be asking?

Because Shikamira and Takashi were clearly leading the operation with Benihime perched between them as both a sentinel and an advisor. Boruto and Himawari appeared to be learning intently at whatever the twins were teaching them while Shikadai threw in his two cents. The remaining genin giggled behind their hands as wild hand movements flew amongst the group.

He felt like he could breathe again because they were safe. His kids were all safe, including his newly adopted kids from this world.

All that was left was his wife.

"You're awake." Shikamaru restrained the instinct to stab at the voice behind him as he flinched. "Your wife's been worried about you." Temari crossed her arms underneath her bust. "What idiot knocks himself unconscious twice in the same night?"

"Nice to see you too, Temari." The only reason he didn't roll his eyes at her was because he didn't feel like getting knocked in the head. "Where's Naruto?" She smirked at him.

"Which one?" Now she was just trying to play mind games with him. Huh, guess the Temari here isn't too different from the one that he knows back at home. What a drag.

"You know which-"

"DADDY!"

Perhaps he wasn't as healed up as he thought when the wind got knocked out of him from Benihime's tackle. Shikamaru hunched down to lift his thirdborn to his hip as the redette sobbed uncontrollably. Like any father with girls, his first instinct was to murder whatever son of a bitch caused his daughter's tears. However, seeing as he was the quote 'son of a bitch,' that would be a little hard for him to do. Shikamaru started to rock her back and forth in an attempt to calm her.

"Hush." He messaged her scalp as she stated hiccupping through the tears. "Daddy's here. I've got you."

"Bad Daddy." Benihime peeled herself away from his neck to scolded him. "Seals are bad for you."

"I-" His attempts at interrupting were short-lived as Benihime plowed through with her comments, wiping away her tears put on her very serious, yet adorable face. He blamed Naruto for her rapid mood swings.

"Seals are very bad for you and Mommy said no more seals for you!" She poked her finger against his collarbone for emphasize. "Mira and Taka and Momo and me-"

"And I, Benihime." No child of his would have improper grammar, even while ranting.

"Daddy!" His redhaired whirlpool pouted. "I was making a special point." She coughed dramatically. "We've decided that only Mommy can be the im-, im-, im-"

"Impulsive?" He could feel Temari's smirk burning into his back. Looks like she enjoys seeing him squirm under the wrath of the fairer sex. Fairer, ha.

"Yes, impulsive! Thanks, Miss Temari!" Benihime chimed. "Only Mommy can be the impulsive one." He raised an eyebrow at her before glancing at Motoko, who nodded along happily. Shikamira and Takashi stood a few yards in front of him, his eldest girl looking so much like her mother right. She was giving him the 'I've made the final decision and you're going to have to deal with it' look, complete with Naruto's glare and hands on hips combo. Takashi shrugged to him.

"Sorry Dad, we've been outvoted." Of course, they had… His life, forever run by the women in his life. "If it makes you feel better, I thought what you did, while stupid, was pretty badass."

Naturally, this caused all of his girls to throw a glare at Takashi.

"No, don't encourage it, idiot!" Shikamira snapped. "At the rate his going, Dad will be the newest member of the 'Lord-Nara-Who-Died-Before-His-Fifties' club!"

Gasps sounded throughout the backyard as Shikamira bowed her head in shame. Her comment stung, no matter how much Shikamaru knew that she's didn't mean it. She was scared and had blurted out the ever-present fear that his kids had. His great grandfather, grandfather and father had all died in combat before their fifties, his grandfather's and father's deaths coming from the Shinobi Wars. Shikamaru knew this knowledge haunted his family and he was determined to do everything in his power to break this 'curse'.

"I'm sorry, Dad. That was-" Her voice shook with guilt. Shikamaru sighed as he lifted his open arm out. Benihime slid down his side as Shikamira ran into him. He hugged her close and kissed her hairline. She shook like a leaf against him but refused to cry. Takashi shifted his weight before them. His boy was becoming a man and Shikamaru could tell that there were too many people watching them for Takashi to use up their yearly display of affection. Which is why he signed 'I love you' to his son against Shikamira's back so that only Takashi could see it. His boy puffed out his chest with pride as he signed it back. Shikamira peeled herself out of his grasp with a smile.

"So, what should we call you, exactly?"

Huh?

Perhaps he did have some brain damage because he struggled to process Boruto's question. Ok, so he was being a little dramatic but he was taken aback by the question.

"Yeah, because we can't call you Daddy, because you aren't our Daddy or our Mommy, but we need to call you something!" Himawari reaffirmed as she rocked back and forth on her heels, her whiskered cheeks pulled back into a big smile.

Shikamaru opened his mouth before shutting it. He didn't really know what to do. When he thought about it, the amount of time that he spent with Male Naruto's kids was minimal at best. He was shocked that they were even talking to him, let alone trying to give him a nickname. He was about to tell them that they didn't have to call him anything when he noticed Shikadai.

The boy stood even further back from them and to most, it would look like he wasn't listening to the conversation at all. But his back was tense and the way his head was titled made it clear that he was listening to every word. All three of them were staring at him impatiently and he couldn't help but be taken back to the day when he received his first and only genin team.

"So what do we call you?" Daisuke had been the brave one to ask after their introduction/lunch at Yakiniku Q. Of the three, Daisuke was by fair the polite one of his misfits.

"Like, do we have to call you Commander and bow and shit?" Retsu muttered under her breathe, obviously thinking that he couldn't hear her.

"We'll discuss it, if you guys pass my test." His comment caused Kaien to snort, the then 12-year-old not even looking up from his nail filling to say,

"Test? We've already passed our testing. That's why we're here, duh." He was so going to kill Kakashi after he failed these brats.

Except Shikamaru didn't fail these brats that the academy threw together to make a team that the folder literally said doomed to fail. They shouldn't have worked well together but they did. Their eccentric personalities that both clashed and melded together made for the most backwards teamwork that he has ever seen and yet, it somehow still worked. He saw their potential and knew that they need him. Retsu and Kaien had never had a stable adult figure in their lives while Daisuke seemed crippled by his parents' expectations. So as he led them to his house for dinner (because there was no way in hell Naruto was going to be okay with not meeting his team), Daisuke asked again.

"What do we call you?" There was hope and wonder in all three of their eyes now.

"Sensei." Shikamaru answered swiftly. "Just call me Sensei." Their smiles were forever burnt into his memory.

"Uncle." It was like history was repeating itself. "Just call me Uncle." Right down to the smiles of children.

Now, after all of that, where was-

"Oi, Nara, you're awake!"

Shikamaru's brain loved to analyze. It loved to take note of the finest details. It took note of this world's Sasuke and Sakura standing close to each other. It noticed how Hinata refused to look at the Lady Fifth unless necessary, the Hyuga's jaw clenched painfully at the sight of the Senju. It noticed how his and Naruto's counterparts flanked his wife not protectively but obviously enough to see that they had taken his request very seriously.

He zeroed in on her and nothing else mattered. There she stood, her dress missing a chunk of its fabric, revealing her exposed seal. Her hair threatened to break from its braid. In contrast, the awakened and lively grace shined through her. She looked as if she had been to battle, smiling her way to victory. Only Naruto could look so haphazard yet elegantly beautiful. It was like that first day at the academy all over again. Her uniqueness called to him, teasing him to unravel her puzzle that she called life. Unlike then, which was a brashness yet friendly 'Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'm going to be Hokage!' and the start of a beautiful romance, there was tension so thick in the air that he would have been taken aback by it if he was one of the main contributors to it.

The war of wills had begun.

Man v. Woman.

Hokage v. Commander.

Husband v. Wife.

It's back. Shikamaru had to restrain himself from groaning as they're one recurring argument that they've had since Naruto became Hokage reared its ugly head once again.

Naruto was the Hokage. She commanded the shinobi of Konoha. If she gave him an order, he followed it out, no questions asked. And he did.

Expect when it came to her safety. He'd do anything to keep her safe, which she knew. That is why she liked to order him to stop doing it while throwing herself into harm's way to protect him.

There would always be a part of him that despised the fact that he could never protect Naruto the way that he wanted to. He had always been protective of her since that day she entered his classroom. She had been far smaller than the rest of class, clearly underfed and ill-dressed but her gorgeous smile, bright eyes and golden hair lit up the room. He knew that he was lost to her light the moment she started talking to him in the hallway. Naruto was such an enigma, the girl with nothing who gave the world everything. Konoha didn't deserve her forgiveness, Shikamaru had decided that when they were twelve, but God damnit, if she wanted to be the Hokage, then he would do everything that he could to make it happen.

Even if it meant pushing her to become stronger than him, convincing her to leave him and go with Jiraiya on her training trip. Even if it meant hours upon hours of training that he did willingly (while complaining along the way, of course) in order to not get left behind. Even if it meant sacrificing himself and his sanity if it meant that she was safe.

Naruto could fight her own battles, she always could. But she was still his light, his wife, his reason to live. She was his to protect, support and love. So yes, he may be slightly chauvinist but Shikamaru didn't care.

As you could see, it was quite the conundrum that they had.

A leaf blew in the wind.

If Benihime's hug knocked the wind out of him, Naruto's nearly swept him off of his feet. He stumbled but kept upright as his arms circled her waist, his hand clutching at her hip as the other tucked her head even deeper against his neck. Naruto whimpered softly at his pulse point as her hands threaded into the back of his ponytail. One hand slipped lower until it rested under his chin, her finger searching for the rapid beating of his heart. Shikamaru's head dropped into the crook of her shoulder, her comforting scent and warm body releasing all of his stress.

"Dammit, I wanted them to kiss."

"Ino!" Nara protested loudly.

"I'm disappointed as well."

"Hinata! Why would you-"

"I'm mad at you." Naruto, in typical her fashion, cut off her counterpart's dramatic speech to pull away from Shikamaru just enough to look up at him end in the eye.

It was a rather toned-down post 'You Nearly Died, You Idiot!' hug that they had shared in his humble opinion (Ino and Hinata insisted that the couple's hug after the battle with Pain beat out any other contenders, past, present and future). Which he blamed Naruto for, because it was her idea to turned down the PDA because both of their counterparts were men and not together, and it would be weird, and awkward, and all that crap. Shikamaru had agreed, while grumbling that it was totally unfair that he couldn't kiss his wife.

Sorry, he got sidetrack.

Back to the situation at hand, Shikamaru could have groaned but stopped himself before he really put himself in the doghouse. Even locked in his arms, she could easily throw a fan or kunai at him (though violence wasn't Naruto's normal course of action during one of their fights, unless she was pregnant). Thus, he did the only thing that he could do in situations such as these.

"Okay." Agree to everything the wife says until she calms down. Works every time.

"You were impulsive, made a stupid decision and nearly died. Again." Well, she was still as blunt as always.

"Yes, dear, I'm well aware that you're the only one who can be impulsive and live." Luckily for him, Naruto decided to ignore his sass to continue her monologue.

"You disobeyed a direct order."

"I'll apologize for that later."

"You could have died."

"Yes, dear."

"Are you just going to keep agreeing with everything I say?"

"Will I be in less trouble?"

"Yes- No!" She slapped his bicep lightly with the back of her hand. "Now is not the time for you to be a smartass."

"Eh." Shikamaru shrugged a smirk when he noticed her fighting a smile. "It was worth a shot."

"And if you ever make me worry like that again..." Naruto left the threat hanging in the air, teasing him with all the possibilities it could go.

She could demote him, put him on probation, sic another genin team on him. She could ban sex for an indefinite amount of time, which was definitely the scariest threat that she had at her disposal. In moments like these, Shikamaru could never tell what she would do but that's what he loved about her. Her unpredictability kept him on his toes. What he could tell, however, was how aroused she was right now and he had no problems using that to his advantage. He leaned down closer to her. She licked her lips as her pupils dilated.

"You'll burn me at the stake?" He laughed at the insulted look that graced her features.

"Who do you think I am, an Uchiha?" There was a dual 'Hey!' that Naruto ignored. "I use wind ninjutsu, I'd knock you all the way to Kumo." She inched closer to him.

"Right." Only they could have an argument into a battle of wits that was also a turn on. "My mistake."

Screw it.

Their kiss was the concoction of stress, separation anxiety, life and death situations and raging hormones. It was hard, needy and he wanted nothing more than to throw her over his shoulder and take them somewhere where they wouldn't be disturbed. He wanted it so badly and the way that her nails clawed at his hair told him just how much she wanted it too.

"Hot damn!"

"Gah, my eyes!"

"So Youthfully Beautiful!"

"Hinata, the ship has sailed! I repeat. The ship has sailed!"

"I'm going to need to bleach out my brain now."

"I'll just be here, dying from embarrassment. Nothing to see here."

"Mom, Dad, stop. You're embarrassing us."

"Shut up, Taka, it's romantic!"

Sadly, they had an audience. Naruto pulled back from the kiss first. A flushed rose blossomed against her cheeks; her lips kissed into a cherry red. He loved the fact that he could still make her blush after all of these years.

"I'm still mad at you."

"Okay."

"And you are still in trouble."

"That's fine." It felt good to laugh. "We can deal with that later."

Sadly, they cut their reunion short as breakfast wrapped up. It was time to check in on the other dimension for, hopefully, their final update before they went home. Naturally, being the man of the family, Shikamaru offered his chakra up to active the seal. This spurred the violent 'NO!' from his girls while Takashi was no help at all (Dad, you walked into that one).

… Troublesome women.

"Nara, Uzumaki, got a second?" Luckily, it gave Shikamaru a window to talk with the Lord Hokage and his advisor. The men convened in his (Nara's, whoever it was) office. Shikamaru didn't know all of the details of what happened last night but he could see a change in the men. They look determined and energized. He stored this information to the side, tucking it way as he closed the door.

"Why are you-" Uzumaki cut himself off as he took in the sight before him.

It had been a very long time since Shikamaru bowed before anyone besides his wife in a formal setting. He held the bow for a few more seconds before rising.

"Thank you." His voice shook with emotions but he forced it down. "Thank you, for all that you've done."

There were so many things he was thanking them for. For allowing his kids into their homes. For welcoming them into their family. For protecting them when he couldn't. He could have said more but didn't trust himself to not screw it up because when he got emotional, it wasn't pretty. Luckily for him, Nara caught on pretty quickly.

"Man, stop being so troublesome." Nara yawned, rubbing the back of his neck. "Of course we were going to help."

"Absolutely!" Uzumaki chirped in. "And don't think that we would do it again, because we would."

"Even still-"

"Your wife mentioned something about you guys needing babysitters."

"She did?" He asked in unison of Uzumaki, who sounded way more excited than he did, at Nara's abrupt comment.

"Yep." Nara shrugged. "Look, you guys are always welcomed here and if the kids want to visit, there's more than enough room here at the compound."

"And my house has plenty of room too!" Uzumaki beamed. "This way, we can learn about and from each other! It'll be prefect!"

Shikamaru hadn't really thought about what was going to happen when his family went home. Granted, he was unconscious earlier and that didn't help matters. But he knew that his kids had bonded a lot with their counterparts. And, Shikamaru took in the men before him, he knew that these men loved his kids as their own. Also, there was a part of him that wanted to know more about his kids' counterparts too. Afterall, they were calling him Uncle now.

"Agreed, and you guys are also welcomed in my home. Naruto and I are used to hosting a lot of people in our house anyway." Somehow, the Konoha 11 plus their spans always end up at his house for some unholy reason. He was ready to end the conversation at that when he remembered his ancestor's warning.

"Something's coming." Nara and Uzumaki straightened at the dread in his voice. "I don't know what and I don't know when but Shika Nara specifically told me that she awakened Shikadai to prepare him." Nara bristled while Uzumaki blinked him.

"You spoke to her? I thought you were unconscious."

"Not important, Naruto." Nara snapped. "Stupid cryptic messages from the dead." Amen to that. "We'll have to up the spy network again." Uzumaki sighed, nodding in agreement at his advisor's words.

"I'll have Sai do it later." The blonde ran a hand through his hair. "We're also going to start taking a more hands-on approach to the kids' training."

"That's good." Shikamaru sighed in relief. "Because whatever is coming, it's going to be big."

"Leave it to us." Uzumaki promised. "We'll take care of it. Believe it!"

"… That was so cheesy."

"Shut up, Shikamaru! No one asked for your opinion!" Man, they were just like him and his wife, except without all of the lovey dovey bits.

He should have known that his luck was about to run out. He should have known that Naruto left him off of the hook too easily, if her smirk was anything to go by when he reentered the living room with their counterparts. He should have known that he had forgotten something.

"SENSEI?! There's two of you?! And what happened to your beard?!"

…

Man, what a drag. At least it couldn't get any wor-

"What the hell? Is Miss Naruto a man now?!"

"And a hot one at that."

"Kaien!"

God dammit. His brats were back.

Author's Note - Am I the only one that thinks that if Canon Shikamaru ever had girls he would behaved just like my version of him?Like, his daughters have him whipped around their pinky fingers while the wife is laying down the law. Please tell me if you see this too. Also, what was with Canon and having none of the original Konoha 12 with genin teams of their own?! It's criminal, criminal I tell you. Now, I could be wrong about that but you know what, I'm giving 2.0 Shika a genin team that would drive him insane for being the lovable little shits that they are. Also, you guys got to meet Ichiro and that reunion scene, be still my beating heart, be still! Ok, I'm done being dramatic (for now, at least). Please comment guys! I want to hear from you! So, review, favorite and follow! I love you guys so much! See you guys next time!

-V.I. Winthrop

Boruto

"Man, your dad's team is..."

"Eccentric, funny, bat shit crazy?"

"You forgot violent, Taka."

"Ah, you're right." Boruto sweatdropped at the twins' comments while Shikadai muttered under his breathe,

"Thank God Dad never had a genin team. I'd never get my nap."

A peaceful silence over came them all when a thought popped up.

"Hey guys?"

"Yeah, Ruto?"

"Where do you think No Name came from? Like, was he from this world or your world?"

More silence.

"Dammit, I knew something still felt off."

"And here I though you remember everything, Miss Photographic Memory?"

"Be quiet, Taka! Nobody asked you!"

P.S. Did I forget about my scene with No Name? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. We may never know.

-V.I. Winthrop