~Pretending, and InuKag oneshot~

*set during canon, just before their encounter with the Parasite Chrysalis demons and getting the Fuyouheki stones

Kagome did a lightning-fast recap, as she was roughly passed from one set of hands to the next, of all the useless trivia and pointless facts she'd ever read in her late nights of studying history textbooks. She could recall the events of major wars, names and dates coming to her more clearly than they ever did during one of her hated tests, but the minute details of everyday living during the warring states era just weren't things historians liked to include in their history abridgments. She was fairly certain, as finally the last man in the crowd pushed her to stand before the porch of the Village Lord's mansion, that none of her books could have warned her about this.

How was she supposed to know that eating a mushroom meant accepting a Lord's proposal?

The grinning men were still pushing her toward the lord sitting on the porch who was watching her with a voracious grin of his own. Over the jovial laughter of the crowd, she could already hear Inuyasha roaring with anger and swearing up a storm – no, more like a hurricane. She was surprised the villagers weren't cowering in fear at the sound. The lord especially seemed unimpressed by the aggressive show, barely glancing in the direction of the half-demon barely being restrained by the monk and demon slayer. Kagome knew they were only trying to keep him from going on a villager-tossing rampage, but… secretly, she hoped he'd win out, consequences be damned. A chuckle from the man on the on the wooden porch sounded above her, and Kagome shivered. She could really use a rescue right now.

"My my, you are a lovely young thing, aren't you? How wonderful!" Kagome stared incredulously at the lord nearly clapping his hands in excitement as he gazed down on her. Of course she looked young to him – the man had to be in his late thirties! Her insides churned as she realized that the gaping age difference made no nevermind to him. He rose from his plush cushion on the porch, his richly dyed Suikan trailing over dark hakama that bunched on the floor at his feet, braided cords falling in soft swishes against the silk material, and shuffled slightly toward her. "Bring her up to me, my good men. I wish to have a closer look at my betrothed!"

An animalistic snarl rose up over the hubbub, but the villagers paid it no mind as they escorted the struggling Kagome onto the porch beside the man. They didn't let go of her for a second, either understanding she'd bolt the moment they did or out of desire to make her behave for the rich lord. Not that she could have run far if she tried: the festival kimono she'd donned in honor of the rare occasion was restrictive and stiff, and Kagome longed for the freedom of her school uniform.

Kagome's neck craned as she scanned the crowd, catching the bright spot of red and white near the back that was writhing against the man and woman holding him back on either side. Even from the far distance his sharp eyes caught the pleading look in her eyes, and he nearly threw Miroku to the ground as his struggling intensified. 'Inuyasha', she thought desperately, 'I don't know what to do? What am I supposed to do?'

The lord began speaking to her again, and reluctantly Kagome tore her gaze from the unwavering, vibrant gold. "What fortune falls upon me, to have a beauty such as this come to my village and agree to be my wife?" He shuffled closer to her in his too-long hakama, his eyes closing in a blissful expression as he continued wistfully "A truly fortuitous day!"

"I just ate a mushroom!" Kagome was almost glad Inuyasha was so far away – at the octaves her voice was reaching, she surely would have made his poor puppy ears bleed. "I never agreed to anything!"

The village lord gave her a sideways glance full of playful mischief and said in a teasing voice "Now now, don't pretend like you didn't line up with all the other maidens. You came to join our festival today, did you not? I'm sure you knew of its purpose."

Kagome stared blankly at the man, her mind frantically fitting pieces of information together and screaming in frustration when it kept coming up with holes. Chuckling, the lord reached forward to grasp her hand, and Kagome flinched just as a particularly nasty curse was flung from the back of the crowd. "My little sparrow," the lord began in a simpering voice, "This is our yearly festival for choosing the next village bride! All of the young virgins come to participate in the lottery."

"… Lottery?" Kagome's head was spinning at painful speeds. How had their simple decision to take a night off and join a local celebration resulted in her becoming an unwilling bride-to-be?

"Yes, the stew. You joined the line. Of course we only allow the young virgins in the village to partake of that particular stew. Perhaps you weren't expecting to find the mushroom first, but if you weren't ready for it, you could have passed it to another girl. You ate it though, and accepted the proposal." He was staring at her expectantly now, as though she were going to smile and say "Silly me!" and throw herself into his waiting arms.

'Fat chance' Kagome thought, glaring at the lord who dared take another soft step towards her. "I didn't know" she stated firmly, standing ramrod straight in her pink and yellow festival kimono. "Besides, my companions and I were only passing through. I can't be your bride." A hush had fallen over the crowd of villagers – even the growling young man in the back had quieted down at her words.

But her intended audience didn't look deterred. He pursed his lips as though she were a badly pickled plum, and opened them again to say sternly "You freely joined this festival, you went through with the mushroom eating ritual, and you are a virgin. By my rights as Lord of this village, there is nothing keeping me from claiming you as my bride."

'C'mon Kagome, think! Something, anything – find a way out of this!' She trembled as she stood, hands clenching in futile fury as she picked apart the lord's words, looking for a way out. It was up to her and her wits now, unless Miroku and Sango decided it was worth it to have an angry mob of villagers chase them out of town in lieu of a half-demon rampage. They couldn't though – Inuyasha had to be a last resort. They were exhausted, all of them, and not even Inuaysha could argue the need for good food and soft beds right now.

Of course, if the lord continued on like this….

"Don't be afraid, my lovely sparrow," the lord crooned, his hand cupping her elbow as he attempted to pull her forward toward the open shoji doors of the small mansion, "I'll not hurt you. I've helped many a young girl cross the threshold of womanhood, and none of my wives would dream of insulting my prowess as a lover." He turned back to her with shining eyes, and continued in a voice like silk "But there's no need to fear my experience; the gentle love of a virgin is always a refreshing affair."

Kagome was gagging, her head shaking slowly from side to side as she contemplated whether to slap, kick, punch, or straight-up castrate the man. He was still smiling that sickeningly pleasant smile at her, waiting for her to follow like the timid little virgin she was… or rather, was supposed to be.

A memory popped to her harried mind from only a few weeks back: an over-bearing fish demon demanding payment of a bride, and a young girl so desperate to be free of the arrangement that she told a lie which nearly drove Kagome's friends apart. An idea formed in her head, brilliant in its simplicity and utterly reckless – but it absolutely had to work.

As the lord pulled her elbow forward toward the room, Kagome tugged back. "I'm not fit to be your bride!" Her voice was booming, not at all like the meek tones of Shima, but there was nothing for it. She was desperate. Looking back at her with growing annoyance, the village lord said simply "And why is that?"

Kagome's mind was working overtime, struggling to remember the words of that quiet village girl had spun a lie to save herself from becoming a demon-bride – and ignoring the fact that the demon had taken her anyways. "You… you said you're looking for a virgin to take as a bride…" Kagome said in a strained voice, though it carried over the eavesdropping crowd (and to the ears of a certain half-dog-demon she was sure). "If that is the case… then you wouldn't want me as your bride."

A faint glimmer of understanding lit behind the lord's eyes, but he tempered it with a frown and began cautiously "are you trying to tell me-"

"I'm telling you that I've given myself to that man over there!" It was a strangled, anxious yell, and Kagome's finger shook as it pointed to a very, very startled man in red robes, his dog-ears twitching madly atop his head. The lord peered out over the crowd, trying to follow the path of her finger, and just to be sure he got the point, Kagome continued in a somewhat stronger voice "I mean the man in red. The half-demon Inuyasha. We're traveling companions, and… lovers."

It was a bald-faced lie. She knew it, he knew it, but from the shocked looks their companions were shooting between the frozen man in red and the girl on the porch, they were the only ones. 'Honestly you guys' Kagome thought frantically as Sango and Miroku's jaws threatened to detach, 'you don't honestly think we could have hidden something like this, do you?' But it boded well. If they believed her, then perhaps the lord would….

"I don't believe you."

She pivoted to the grim-faced village lord, arms folded in his rich blue robes. "A girl as lovely as you would never be lover to a demon."

"Hey, Jackass!"

Kagome's head snapped once more to Inuyasha, her head spinning with the whiplash of events as well as emotions. The crowd was parting in hurried waves as the stern-faced half-demon stalked deliberately towards the porch, men and women almost tripping to get out of the path he blazed. Beyond the determination setting his jaw, his expression was unreadable. Was he going to expose her lie? Miroku had gone along with Shima, but her story had been believable. Inuyasha wouldn't want people making up the kinds or rumors about him that they did about the monk. Her mind traveled back to their very first months of travel together, to the time she'd tried a similar tactic with the Thunder Brothers. He called out her cover-up in an instant. Of course so many things had changed between them since then, but… did she really expect him to just go along with such a story? How could she have been so foolish?!

Inuyasha had reached the mansion, and in a graceful leap joined them on the porch. The men holding Kagome in place scampered away in fear at his approach, and Kagome folded in on herself. Here it came – the denials. The refuting her claim. He'd probably throw in some old insults just to cover up the blow she'd made to his ego.

She was not at all expecting the arm that wrapped around her obi-clad torso to pull her flush against warm fire-rat. "It's about time you left my woman the hell alone." Kagome's breath caught in her throat, her fingers curling in the red cloth covering his chest as her hearth thudded wildly. Was he… was he really-!

"Your woman?" The lord's voice was disbelieving, but only earned him a derisive snort from the half-demon holding the former fiancée.

"Didn't you hear what she said? Course she's my woman! We're lovers!" If he hadn't been holding her so tightly, Kagome would have pinched herself. This had to be a dream. Of course, she'd set up this scenario in the first place, but… she'd sort of expected the lord to accept it and let her go. She'd never thought Inuyasha would play along!

Kagome turned her head slightly to see the village lord looking at her with something he hadn't shown before: revulsion. "A demon's lover… disgusting." He spat on the ground at their feet, waving his hand at them in obvious dismissal. "Take your treacherous little snake and leave, demon. I won't tolerate such trickery in my village."

Forgetting the comforting presence of her half-demon for a moment, Kagome jerked forward with an angry "Hey, you're the one who tricked me! I never wanted to be your bride!" The lord turned to her with venomous eyes, but Kagome was undeterred. She was vaguely aware of Inuyasha tugging her off the mansion's raised platform, his amused voice saying close to her ear "C'mon lover, let's get outta here", but she was too angry to pay much attention. They had a clear path back to their waiting companions, the crowd stunned into silence by the display of the angry woman and the demon-man carting her off. Kagome wasn't done though, and she turned one last helpless look at the glowering village lord who'd dared try to force her into matrimony, shouting with all the hate she could muster "Next time try labeling your damn soup!"

Inuyasha lifted her into his arms, the mansion disappearing from view behind him, and Kagome huffed angrily from her spot as Miroku and Sango followed silently after, their mouths still agape.

Shippo and Kirara, who'd been playing with the children at the edge of town during the festival, joined them as they headed through the rice paddies and dipped under the cover of the forest. The sun was already setting, but no one had the presence of mind to complain about their lack of lodgings as they set out sleeping bags and started a crackling fire. Kagome guessed that their human companions were still trying to digest the bomb she'd dropped on them back in the village, and her head dropped to her hands. Lot of good it had done them – they'd ended up getting thrown out after all. She should have just let Inuyasha rampage.

The kettle whistled and Kagome obediently began filling ramen cups, watching the blank looks of her companions with growing guilt. This was ridiculous! She would just come out and tell them the truth. Miroku, however, beat her to it.

Clearing his throat, the monk began in surprisingly hesitant tones "So… Inuyasha, Kagome… how long have you two been… an item?"

Sighing heavily, Kagome opened her mouth to respond – but a gravelly voice spoke up before any words could leave her mouth. "It's been about a month now. What, haven't you guys noticed?" Her mouth dropped open, unable to believe those words had truly come from the half-demon beside her. What… what was he doing? What was he thinking?! She spun to face Miroku and Sango, who looked chastened by the reply.

"Of course, how could we have missed…." Sango trailed off into silence, eyes darting between her friend and the man who sat so closely beside her. Miroku came to her rescue, his voice not even the faintest bit teasing as he added "Sorry, we just didn't realize things between you two had turned…" he struggled for a moment, glancing at the little fox-demon giving the older members of the group curious glances, and finished lamely "… intimate."

Kagome could have slapped him. She settled for slapping her hand to her forehead. This was ridiculous – what kind of crazy – her thoughts left off in a squeak as she was suddenly lifted from her spot on a log and deposited in Inuyasha's lap. His arms surrounded her even as he continued to hold and eat his ramen. Her own Styrofoam cup say untouched in the dead grass beside them. "Yeah, well, it wasn't like we were gonna announce it to the world."

"Didn't Kagome do just that?" Sango quipped, and Kagome gawked at the teasing gleam in her eye. She was even more startled by the rumbling laugh that built up in the chest against which she sat, and her eyes flew up to Inuyasha's smiling face. Smiling. He was really, truly smiling. At her. "Yeah" he said softly, gazing at her with something she was afraid to place but made her heart do somersaults. "She did, didn't she?"

They spent the rest of their meal pretending, and even Kagome joined in, once she was sure Inuyasha wouldn't turn on her like a bad sushi roll. Between the two of them, it was decided that Kagome had revealed her love for him after the latest event of Naraku's kidnapping – not wholly a lie, since she'd plainly shouted her love for Inuyasha to Kagura and the infant. It was a while later that they'd first 'hooked up' during one of Inuyasha's visits to Kagome's time. A good enough excuse, since neither Miroku or Sango could deny or confirm such a thing. Throughout the terrifying (yet somewhat exciting) conversation, Shippo had been oddly silent. She'd caught him staring between herself and Inuyasha, and more than once thought she saw her two canine companions in some sort of heated staring contest, as though arguing without words. She never commented, and it never lasted long enough for her to really be sure. By the time night came, Inuyasha hadn't bothered to break their ruse.

Changed out of the stuffy kimono and into comfy pajamas, Kagome was just unzipping her sleeping bag when strong arms hauled her onto her feet, and she barely had time to register who her kidnapper was before he had them both off the ground and resting on the sturdy branch of a tree above camp.

"Inuyasha!" She groused, whacking his chest lightly as he grinned at her, "What's the big idea?"

"Hey, I thought we were lovers?" He whispered, but Kagome caught the teasing edge to his voice. She turned stern eyes back to him, and he looked almost contrite, but not enough to stop. "If you sleep down there and I sleep up here, what're the rest of them gonna think? I can't let my woman sleep all alone now that they know the truth."

Rubbing away the beginnings of a tension headache, Kagome said sharply "Inuyasha, it's not true and you know it. How long are you going to lie to them like this?" He huffed and looked away into the forest, suddenly much more like the Inuyasha she was used to. Her heart constricted for the briefest moment, but she let it go.

"The runt knows already. He'll tell 'em sooner or later. It'll be pretty funny to see their faces." He smirked, and Kagome rolled her eyes at his childishness. "You'll be lucky if Sango doesn't come after you with Hiraikotsu" she said with a poke to his chest, and he merely shrugged in response.

"Still worth it."

Kagome paused. Perhaps he was only thinking of the flabbergasted looks he'd get from their companions when they learned they'd been tricked, but….

"Inuyasha?" His amber eyes turned to her, shining softly in the moonlight, and Kagome took a steadying breath before saying "Why did you go along with it?"

He looked confused, and then perturbed. "Because I didn't want you to wind up married to some old pervert, that's why. You didn't want to marry him, right?" She shook her head slowly, and he nodded, as if that answered everything. It didn't – not for her.

"You didn't bother going along with things when I told the same lie to the Thunder Brothers" she said quietly, folding her arms against his chest to lay her head on them. She stared into his suddenly serious eyes of gold, and found courage to continued. "I know you didn't want me to be stuck with them either, even if we didn't always… see eye to eye back then. So what's so different now?"

He didn't respond at first, but after a minute she felt gentle claws threading through her hair, and his voice carrying like the wind as he said "You really think I'm the same guy I was back then? I only care about you more now, y'know."

She flushed, and found she couldn't hold that burning gaze any longer. Dropping her head to her crossed arms, Kagome stared out over the moonlit tops of the trees as her head rose and fell with Inuyasha's breathing. "I know…" she responded quietly, and then biting her lip continued, "It's just… I mean it's one thing to pretend to be in love… it's another to pretend to be… lovers." A rumble passed through him that might have been laughter, and Kagome smiled. "I just… I'm surprised you kept this going so long, is all. … Why?"

"Well…" arms wrapped around her back, hauling her higher against him until the crown of her head met his chin, her cheek against his collarbone. "I guess it was hearing you announce to an entire village that you were 'lovers' with a half-demon." He held her tighter, and she could feel him nuzzling the top of her head before he spoke again. His voice was husky, and she almost heard the smile behind it. "That was a pretty good feeling Kagome – I ain't lying about that."

Releasing a shuddering breath, Kagome pushed away from Inuyasha, propping herself against his chest to look into his moonlit face. She smiled at the embarrassment covering his features, and reached up to play with the trailing lock of hair against his shoulder. "Then I guess if we're going to keep fooling our friends, I'd better work on my acting." Hands pushing ever so lightly against his chest, Kagome placed herself mere inches away from his lips – only to have his hand pressed to her mouth. Her eyes, which she didn't realize she'd closed, sprung open at the touch.

"Kagome, don't." His voice was strained, ears folded back and eyes pinched in an expression so hurt it nearly made her gasp. "Don't do this if you don't mean it. Don't pretend."

She held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity, his fingers slowly falling from her lips in a caress he hadn't intended. For a moment she felt rejected, disheartened, but then… she recognized that look in his eyes. It was the same look she always gave him, when she thought about the love she held in her heart that he would never be able to fully return. Eyes overflowing with love that he could barely keep behind the flood-gates. Her hand traveled up to his cheek, his eyes widening as she stroked her thumb over his rough skin. "Oh Inuyasha," she said simply, trying to mirror the look in his eyes with everything she had, "… I'm not pretending."

This time, when she leaned toward him, he met her halfway. She'd been hoping all along, secretly wishing, and somewhere deep inside, she'd known the truth from the moment he'd stormed up to that human lord's mansion to lay his claim: he hadn't been pretending either.

*Author's Note:

What can I say, I love this kind of trope. It's everywhere in Ranma ½ and Urusei Yatsura, and I wish there'd been more of it in Inyasha. Hence this fic and "The Pilfered Bride". The mushrooms are a little nod to other Rumiko Takahashi works which, I swear, always involve mushrooms somehow. The entire end of Urusei Yatsura/fifth UY movie was literally full of them. Not to mention the Mushroom Temple episode of Ranma, and other various mushroom incidents… Mushrooms just seemed a fitting addition to this story.