Disclaimer: I, by no means, claim to own anything remotely related to the Harry Potter Universe. No copyright infringement intended.
You're All I Need to Get By
"Hey."
Harry Potter glanced over his shoulder at his best friend, a tiny smile tugging at the edges of his mouth at the sight of her despite his somber mood. "Hey," he murmured in response.
"Mind if I sit?"
Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Why do you even ask?"
Hermione Granger placed a hand on his shoulder for leverage as she sank down on his right side, her feet dangling over the edge of the Astronomy Tower. She bit back her sudden rush of fear at the height and held onto the railing tightly.
"How did you find me?" he asked once she was settled.
Hermione glanced at him, noting the crease in his brow and the deep pain in his eyes. "Well, I was kind of hoping you would be in the Common Room when Madam Pomfrey finally let me go."
He ducked his head. "Sorry," he whispered. "I just - " he stopped suddenly.
Hermione reached for his hand, and held it firmly between them, noting that his fingers were cold to the touch. Just how long had he been sitting out here?
"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly; somewhat soberly.
"A little sore," she admitted truthfully; "but the potions definitely help."
He swallowed audibly, his gaze drifting out to look at the moonlit grounds of the place he'd come to call home. Hogwarts really was beautiful in the night time. "I'm sorry, Herm - " he started, but she cut him off.
"Don't you dare," she said strongly. "I don't want your apology, Harry."
"Then what do you want?" he asked pointedly. "What do you want from me, huh? Why did you come find me?"
Hermione tried her best not to feel slighted by his rebuff. He was just hurting. "I wanted to tell you something," she said calmly.
Harry squeezed her hand, almost in apology. If she wouldn't let him say it out loud, then he was going to have to come up with some way to show her just how sorry he was for ever putting her in so much danger. And for taking it out on her now.
Hermione leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, quietly remembering. "I had a dream," she said, her tone almost angelic.
"About?" he prompted, absently smiling at the gentle weight of her presence against him.
"Sirius," she said, and he immediately tensed, making her squeeze his hand this time. "I like to think I had this specific dream for a reason."
"And what reason is that?" he asked through gritted teeth.
"So I could tell you about it."
Harry took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm listening," he mumbled.
"I always imagined Sirius being a beach-body," she said with a slight laugh; "so I wasn't all that surprised when the dream started out bright and sunny with waves lapping in the distance."
"That makes sense," he said; "he lived in darkness for so many years of his life."
She hummed in agreement, enjoying the warmth of him a little too much. "So he was lounging on the beach, sipping on what must have been an alcoholic drink."
"Did it have an umbrella in it?" he asked in amusement.
"Of course," she said. "Ever the cliché, Sirius Black."
Harry smiled fondly.
"He seemed lighter somehow," she continued; "as if he were less burdened. He looked... happy."
"Do you think he thought I was a burden?" Harry asked.
"No," she said, shifting her head's position. "Sirius loved you, Harry." She took a breath, preparing herself. "What I do think is that Sirius lived a difficult life. It was hard from a very young age, but he survived it. Every day, he continued to survive. So, I do like to think that he would have liked this kind of peace."
"Do you really think he's in peace now?" he asked.
"I was worried," she admitted. "Before my dream, I was worried."
"But not anymore?"
Hermione shivered once and turned her head to nuzzle her nose against his shoulder. "Not anymore," she agreed.
Harry pulled their joined hands into his lap. "Are you feeling cold?" he asked, looking at her with concern.
"No," she lied.
He shook his head at her blatant fib, absently reaching for his wand with his free hand. Quietly, he warmed them both up and Hermione actually moaned in relief.
"Thank you," she said, resting her head against his shoulder again.
"So he was happy then?"
Hermione hummed again, feeling comfortable enough to keep her eyes closed. Really, all she needed was to feel him. "Because he wasn't alone," she said.
"Oh yeah?"
"He was with your parents, Harry," she said, feeling his body tense again. "And another man, whom I believe had to be his brother."
Harry actually smiled at the idea of the four of them being together. It was a nice image to have.
"They already fought their War," she said. "Sirius has been fighting for longer than we've been alive, and he's taking his rest now. He deserves a good one."
He swallowed audibly. "Is it selfish of me to want him back?"
"Of course not," she assured him. "I want him back as well, but we both know the impossibility of such a thing."
"It's not fair."
"No, it's not," she agreed. "But it's happened, and we both know he wouldn't have had it happen any other way. I know it might not seem it but he went on his own terms."
Even though her head was on his shoulder, he still turned his own to look at her. "What do you mean?"
"I think that, if you were to ask him, he probably would have wanted to go in battle," she said. "Fighting beside you; fighting for you. Protecting you."
"He's the third person who's died protecting me," he said solemnly.
"It's no use keeping tally, Harry," she said. "It's not good for you."
He was quiet for a long moment, his mind running through the Battle as he remembered it. "If that Silencing Charm hadn't been in place; it would have been four."
Hermione knew immediately that he was referring to the Curse she'd been hit with, which prompted her to sit up straight and look at him, a steady fire burning in her eyes. "How long is it going to take for you to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me?"
He frowned at her. "How can you be so calm about this?" he asked. "You could have died."
"Then I would probably be on that beach too."
"Is this funny to you?" he asked heatedly, releasing her hand and running his own roughly through his hair. "Because I don't find this funny at all."
"Harry," she said calmly. "Do you honestly believe that I find any of this funny?"
He didn't respond.
Silently, she linked her arm with his and tugged, forcing him to look at her. "I'm under no illusion that you're hurting. I know accepting that what has happened was fated to happen will be difficult. Believe me, I know the truth of that."
He frowned in confusion.
"I've lost people too, Harry," she said, and then continued before he could ask any questions. "The reason I'm telling you this is because I want you to think of Sirius on that beach, happy and free, whenever you feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all."
Harry merely nodded, shifting his hand so he was holding hers again. Slowly, he linked their fingers together, finding the way they fit so perfectly rather fascinating.
"I want you to think of all of them like that," she added. "I want this idea of them to offer you comfort in the darkest times. When you feel the guilt and the blame; when you feel lost and angry, I want you to think of them in a better place." These were words she needed to say to him. "I don't want you to worry."
"You're asking a lot of me," he grumbled good-naturedly.
She brushed her thumb over the top of his hand. "I know," she said, risking a smile and dropping her head back onto his shoulder. For some reason, she missed the contact. "I just - I want to help."
"You are helping," he murmured, before he sighed heavily, trying to accept what she was trying to say, and failing. It would take time, he was sure, but he just hoped that the day would actually come. Hopefully soon, as well, because he was definitely willing to try.
They fell into a deep, comfortable silence, the dark night embracing them. When she started to shiver, Harry contemplated suggesting that they call it a night and go back to Gryffindor Tower, but he just doesn't want to. Their position was too comforting and consoling, and he didn't want to move at all. So, he cast another Warming Charm over them, and she sighed deeply, making him smile for a moment.
"Say, Hermione," he whispered after a while.
"Hmm," she hummed.
"Can I tell you something now?"
She squeezed his fingers. "Harry, you know you can tell me anything."
He waited a beat before he spoke, suddenly worried about what it would sound like out loud. It was a thought that was sitting on his brain, forcing him to take notice and contemplate just what it meant, as well as its implications.
"Harry," she prompted when he remained silent.
"I heard you," he eventually said, his voice barely more than a whisper.
She frowned. "You heard me?"
"In the atrium," he continued. "When Voldemort was - " he shuddered. "When he tried to possess me and I was lying on that floor, fighting him off; I - " he stopped again, taking a breath. "I heard you," he said again.
She frowned. "I don't understand."
"When he possessed me, he tortured me with images of my greatest fears and my most painful memories," he explained. Hermione was the first person he was telling any of this and he was suddenly embarrassed by the revelation of his weakness. "I fought, Hermione; I fought so hard, but - "
"Harry," she breathed.
"I was losing," he said. "I couldn't - I wanted to give up. It just - it hurt so much, and I was going to give in. I just wanted it all to stop."
"Harry," she said again, sitting up to look at his face, needing to read his emotions in his features.
"But then I heard you," he said.
"How?" she questioned. "I wasn't - I wasn't even in the atrium."
"I know," he said; "which is why this is important."
She pressed her lips together, just waiting.
"I heard you, somewhere inside of me," he continued, his words stilling the air between them. "The way I was finally able to break free was by thinking about all of you. I remembered all those moments; all the smiles, happiness and love. Those images started to replace all the painful ones, and I realised that we're the strong ones, Hermione. He's the weak one, because he'll never feel this; he'll never know this."
"This?" she questioned, still a little confused.
"Love," he clarified.
Hermione did her best not to react, even though it felt as if fireworks were going off in her chest. It was just her injury acting up, she reasoned. Nothing else.
"While I was lying on that floor, I heard you," he said, needing her to know just how monumental this realisation was to him; for him. For them both. "I heard your laugh, and it was enough for me to break free of Voldemort. I heard you, and I won."
Hermione wasn't sure exactly what Harry was trying to tell her, but she had to agree with him when he said it was important. "You won," she echoed.
"I won," he repeated, his gaze meeting hers. "Which is why I'm sure that, in the end, we will win. I don't know how long it will take or how we'll do it, but we will do it. As long as we have love, and friendship. As long - as long as I have you."
This was important.
Words such as 'love' and 'you' used in the same sentences usually tended to be very important.
Without saying a word, Hermione resettled against him, her head dropping onto his shoulder and a content sigh escaping from between her lips as she practically tucked into his side. It was enough movement to ease the thumping of Harry's heart.
She heard him.
She heard what he was both saying and not saying, and he appreciated her all the more for her understanding silence. Whatever he meant by his words; neither of them was ready for it, which was a truth that they both quietly acknowledged.
"What happens now?" Hermione asked after another minute of profound silence.
"Now," he breathed; "now, you get better."
"Just me?" she asked with the intention of making him smile.
As a reward for her efforts, he chuckled lightly. "Just you, yes," he said, humming in agreement. "Only you," he reiterated, turning his head and pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, surprising them both.
Hermione let out a small gasp, and Harry just smiled.
"I think it's important that you know this, Hermione," he murmured, keeping his lips pressed against her and making her shiver with the feel of his breath; "you're all I need to get by."
Fin