Hey guys, this just came to me while watching Archer and then thinking about John Wick. The rest is history.

I do not own John Wick or Archer.

(Author Input)

'Thoughts'

"Talking"

Working Again

"This has got to be the dumbest shit you have ever done!" a woman with light brown skin and dark brown hair shouted. She was in her early 30's and wore a white turtleneck mini dress, black knee-high boots, and had green eyes to top it off.

She was currently yelling at a man in front of her that was in the process of lock picking a door. A door to a penthouse that was currently out in the middle of the woods at night.

"Oh, come on Lana, this isn't even in the top ten dumbest things I've done this week," Replied Lana's companion. He was in his early 30's with black hair and equally black suit.

"Now shut up and let's go." He finished as the sound of the door unlocking reached their ears.

The interior of the home was impressive. Whoever lived there was loaded. There was expensive furniture, paintings, and-

"Bourbon!" the man exclaimed before uncorking the bottle and gulping down its contents.

"Jesus, Archer we're breaking into a man's house, could you please be considerate enough to leave the man his alcohol?" Lana asked.

The man, now known as Archer, just held up his finger to her as he finished the bottle off.

"Shut up, and then unshut up so you can help me find the car keys." He said as he starts looking around in drawers and cabinets. When he found nothing, he sighed and turned to Lana.

"I'll go look around in the garage, you look around in here." Archer told her. Before Lana could reject, he already left the kitchen.

Lana growled in rage, silently cursing him out in every way possible.

'What did I ever see in him?' she asked herself. 'In fact, how did we get to this point?'

Flashback

"You will never catch me, Sterling Archer!" A bald stereotypical villain with an eyepatch and curly moustache said while jumping out of a crashing plane with a parachute.

"Dammit Archer, why the hell did you shoot the pilot?!" Lana yelled.

"I was in rampage mode Lana," Archer said, putting on the last parachute "There's no switch to it! Now let's go."

Archer quickly held on to Lana and jumped out of the plane.

"AAAAAARRRRRRCCCCCCHHHHHHEEEEEERRRRRR!"

End flashback

One open parachute and hike through the woods later led them to this moment.

'Damn him and his rage mode' Lana thought.

Her thoughts would have continued if it weren't for the familiar feeling of a gun barrel pressed against her head.

"Turn around slowly," a gruff voice said. "and maybe I won't blow off your head."

Lana followed his order, and then she finally got a good look at her attacker. He was around the same age as her, long hair that ended at his neck, and a neatly trimmed beard. He looked like he had just gotten out of bead, if the plain white shirt and boxers were anything to go by. In his hand was a Glock 34, and it seemed like he knew how to use it by his posture.

"Now who are you and what are you-ack!" CRASH! BANG!

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWW, DAMMIT ARCHER!" she yelled. Archer had snuck up behind the man and smashed a vase against his head, also knocking the gun to the side of Lana's head. Unfortunately, it also caused the man to pull the gun's trigger right next to her ear.

"Not really sure how I would have been able to predict that would happen." he stated "Besides, I found the keys, which belong to a kickass car, I might add."

"But what are we supposed to do about him?" Lana asked, referring to the unconscious man.

"Leave him, he'll just think it was a robbery." He stated, as if knocking a man unconscious and stealing his car was normal, well maybe it was for them. They were spies after all.

"But still though…" she trailed off, feeling bad for the man.

"Oh, lookie here, it's bleeding heart Lana, if you're not coming- "

"Phrasing."

"Dammit, then you can walk home. I however need to be home for Mother's wedding." He spat out as If disgusted by the word. "Now are you coming or not."

"Phrasing again, and fine. I just have a feeling this will bite us in the ass later." Lana sighed, she took one last look at the unconscious man before following Archer to the garage.

The garage wasn't that impressive, though one of the 2 cars in there were. The kickass car, as Archer called it, was a 1969 Mustang GT with a 390 ci. It had gray body paint and black parallel lines running down the trunk to the hood. The other was just a simple van.

Lana and Archer got into the Mustang and drove out of the garage to the dirt road leading to the highway. Lana turned around and gave one more guilty glance to the house they had just basically robbed before it went out of sight.

John Wick was not having a great time. First, he had to find a job, because even if your loaded, eventually it begins to run out. Secondly, he couldn't find a job. There were very few places for someone who's resume was being an ex-assassin could get a job at. Thirdly, he just had his car stolen and knocked out by a vase in his own home.

'I need a drink.' He thought.

John walked into his kitchen in search of his bottle of bourbon. Only to find it completely empty on the kitchen counter.

"Okay, now I'm pissed." John said, eyes narrowed.

Lana and Archer pulled into the ISIS interior building parking lot with the headlights on. Malory Archer was waiting for them. Malory was a woman in her late 60's and had gray hair and blue eyes. Her clothing consisted of a gray skirt, shirt, and jacket. Malory put her hand up when the car's headlights shone in her eyes.

"Dammit, turn that thing off!" she shouted.

Archer did as he was told, and Malory gasped, and dropped her glass of bourbon when she saw what he was driving.

"Where did you get that car?!" she demanded urgently.

Archer and Lana exchanged confused looks before Archer spoke up.

"Why does it matter?" he asked

Malory seemed to be on the verge of actually panicking, which was very, very not Malory.

"Because if that car belongs to who I think it does, there is a chance we are all going to die." She said ominously.

BUM! BUM! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM…... cliffhanger! Hope you guys like this, and the pairing is JohnxLana if it wasn't obvious. BTW there may be a bit of Archer and Malory bashing. Just for the record, this is in between season 3 and 4 of Archer.