His thoughts on Gon come in stages. Every time, it starts out innocent enough— just the image of his eyes in Killua's memory. At first, those eyes drag him along into a weird, fuzzy place within himself. When he's there, he can't escape thinking of him no matter what; and that's something he can't come to understand. The phases progress no matter how he tries to deny Gon's presence in his mind and heart. It's got him, dammit… it's got him again.

Stage 2 —the cutesy recollections of Gon— comes like usual. It's, like always, totally embarrassing. He thinks of the sound of Gon's tinkling laugh, and how his nose crinkles when he does so. Killua hates that he forever gets filled with those dumb butterflies. Maybe it's because all the thoughts make his insides feel like warm nectar, and the butterflies like that. Although the thoughts on Gon may be chaste; that heated feeling is enough to get his mind moving further.

From there, it all somehow morphs into something… more. It always manifests like this, and he can't fathom why. All he knows is that the memory becomes more provocative somehow— it makes him primal and… needy. It becomes something that makes his whole body ache.

Yes, Killua thinks, I never really do understand it.

Once Killua's mind drifts to Gon, he is unable to stop himself. He can't stop how his hands roam his own body, or how he thinks about all the perverted things they could do to each other. It always ends here, with Killua's boxers lying in a heap on the floor, forgotten in his desperation.

He's been in the same dilemma before— far too many times for it to be okay. But he'd be damned if it doesn't feel good every time. Every touch… it feels like his, even though it is Killua's own. At least, he fantasizes Gon would touch him this way. In all its obscenity, the fantasy of it all turns Killua on until he can't help but ravish himself. If he doesn't, his need will build up until it becomes unbearable. Biting his bottom lip, he teases himself by rubbing the slit on the head of his dick with his thumb, spreading the precum already forming there.

Forget about that vanilla stuff. He wants to fuck, and he wants to now.

God how Gon tempts him. It's his fault for being too cute. Killua's back arches erotically off the bed, his face lewd and sexually twisted as he touches himself. In a breathless moan, his lips form his name. "Gon…!"

This want burns. It's hot, good, and yet feels oddly like a misdoing. However, that never seems to stop him from seeking it out over and over again. Shuddering, he bucks into his own hand, instead imagining it is Gon's hot mouth— damn, how he wishes.

The midday light brandishes over Killua's flustered, panting form. Shadows pool into his navel, as well as beneath the overhang of his arousal. Through his shallow, pleasured breathing, Killua's toes curl at the addictive pleasure. He moves on his length tantalizingly slow, another bead of precum forming and dribbling down his shaft.

The situation that Gon is only separated from him by a thin wall makes his desire all the greater. If Gon were to see him like this, would he join him? The thought makes him groan as his grip becomes firmer around himself. He's become much too excited, much too quickly.

Killua's hand moves jerkily, too aroused, wanting him desperately. The white-hot sensation drives him crazy— he's rock-hard and his balls are heavy. He's so lost in the pleasure he doesn't hear the door to his room open and then close.

Biting his knuckles to stifle a moan, he thinks of Gon's teasingly plump ass propped up, displayed only for him, begging to be fucked. How it would look as Gon's entrance coaxes his length in, and engulfs him… how it would look to roughly enter him again and again. He imagines Gon's lewd, moaning face craned back to look at him; shit, he would look maddeningly hot. Killua's free hand moves under his shirt, maneuvering one pert nipple between his fingers as he almost nears the edge. Killua's hand becomes a blur as he milks himself for his climax.

He can't help the growl that escapes him. "Gon! Gon! ...Fuck!"

"Killua?"

It all stills. The horror can't seep in to Killua, but once it does, it is horrifically tangible.

"Are you feeling okay…?" A pause. "Killua?"

Gon stands at the entryway, intriguely staring, trying to make sense of what lies in front of him. Suddenly, Gon feels as though there is too much blood rushing into his body all at once. Killua's hand is wrapped around his arousal, and he's looking at him with wide, aghast blue eyes. His lower lip begins to wobble, making Gon think of the words that were falling from them mere moments ago. The way Killua was just saying his name— and how undone Killua still looks, splayed out on the bed like this… it brings about an intense pressure that moves downwards all too quickly. He doesn't have an explanation as to why all of this is happening. All he knows is that right now, Killua is more breathtaking than ever before.

This coil tightening in Gon's gut is strong, persuasive, and unfamiliar to him. But for whatever reason, he instinctively holds fast to it. Gon doesn't want it to go away just yet. The air is tense, but that only piques his curiosity— what is Killua doing?

"What are you doing, Killua?" Innocently, Gon tilts his head to the side. "I came in here since I was hearing weird noises, but now…" His voices falls off for a second, as if thinking of what to say. "Watching you…" Gon feels flustered for a reason beyond him, and a cute blush dusts his cheeks. "It makes me feel weird…"

"G-G-Gon!" Killua stammers, throwing the covers over himself, "Don't watch me, baka! Get out!" He can't believe this is happening. Killua gathers a pillow in his fist and throws it at his best friend. He will never be able to face Gon again— especially after him seeing… that.

"Ne, why? I like seeing Killua enjoying himself," Gon says, as he side-steps out of the path of the thrown pillow. "It looks like it felt good. Do you do that a lot, Killua?" Gon asks, looking at him with eyes that show eagerness for an answer. Obviously, the act Killua was performing has pined Gon's interest. Gon looks at Killua without a shred of disgust— instead, with some sort wonder. Red spills from Killua's face to the tips of his ears.

"Sometimes," Killua says quietly. He turns away from Gon... him and his innocence that makes Killua feel disgusted with himself— disgusted by what he was caught doing. Killua wants nothing more than to curl up, hide, and never come out again. This is beyond mortifying…!

"Can...I try? Mine's… doing this weird thing," Gon looks a bit redder, "it's standing up, now, too."

Killua whips his head around; the blueness in his eyes becomes big. Gon stands there shamelessly, although with a little discomfort. With a belated intake of breath, Killua notices the slight bulge that has perked in Gon's tight shorts. Endearingly, he rubs his knees together, trying to stifle his obvious arousal. Under the covers, Killua's own hardness throbs. In his ears, his heartbeat is louder than he can remember it ever being.

Gon. Gon is...horny.

He wants to… touch himself.

"Whatever…" Killua finds himself saying dazily, his tongue stiff and odd in his mouth. His want for Gon is overwhelming his rationale and quickly becoming dangerous. If this continues… If he sees Gon continue to unravel in front of him, will he be able to stop himself? "Do whatever you want, for all I care."

Gon shows his dimples when he smiles at him. They're the ones Killua secretly loves, and his heart does a loud bah dump in his chest. He feels drunk, as though none of this is real."Yatta!" Gon cutely exclaims, as he casually flops onto the bed, ruffling the very nervous Killua. "Show me, Killua!" Killua's eyes don't stray from the curvature of Gon's mouth as he forms these words.

Wetting his lips, Killua sneaks a peak at Gon's long legs, and becomes impossibly more turned on— just by how they straddle the mattress. Soft, tight calves and thighs. He doesn't linger on them, however. He's got better things to look at, like the seductive honey in Gon's brown eyes…. "How do you do it, Killua?" He bites his lip innocently, naive to what he is doing to Killua's body. "I want to feel as good as you were before."

The words sound undeniably hot to Killua, but at the same time, so Gon, and that makes it all the more tempting. "You're so embarrassing!" Killua glances away, the whiteness of his hair adding a sweet contrast to his pink blush. "You just do what…" He swallows. "You instinctively want to do."

"I…" Gon fiddles with the sheet beneath him, as he puts words to his desire, "I want to touch it."

Killua bites his lip to quiet his gasp. His hand moves in circles under the covers, tracing patterns on his inner thigh— he's desperate to touch his aching erection. Killua can barely take it anymore, his restraint breaks even further as he thinks about how good it would feel to grind himself against the blanket over him. Killua barely refrains from doing so. He needs touch. Preferably he wants Gon's, but he is too busy to notice as fiddles with his belt, childishly sticking out his tongue in effort.

Fuck, he's cute. Fuck me.

The green shorts become undone, revealing the black, tented boxers underneath, his girth struggling to break free. Wiggling his hips, Gon slides the green bottoms off. Killua's mouth has gone completely dry. In a swift motion, Gon lifts his tank top off of himself, leaving himself shirtless and in his underwear. Killua almost loses it at the sight of Gon's rippling physique. He's seen it many times while training, but this time, it's much different. The sight of Gon's body makes all the lust inside Killua lurch and scream.

Don't you want to lick and suck all over your best friend? Leave marks, and make him yours?

Killua trembles. Fuck, does he want to.

Feeling abuzz with something foreign, Gon peers at Killua over the apples of his cheeks. The pressure in Gon's gut becomes stronger, making him want something, but he doesn't know what. "Can you show me how to do it? Killua?" Gon doesn't understand why his voice seems to rumble deeper in his throat, as he absentmindedly hooks a finger under the hem of his boxers.

Killua turns bright red at the seductiveness in Gon's voice.

Dammit.

Killua knows he can't touch himself to demonstrate. It would be too intense for him, and he wouldn't last. But Gon isn't going to take no for an answer.

"Gon…" It takes everything in Killua, everything that he can muster to shyly pull the covers off of himself— and even then it seems as though he has done the impossible. If he doesn't at least show him why he can't, Gon will never let it go. His arousal hits the cool air and Killua lets out pleasured sigh, one that he can't hide in time. Gon doesn't move, but he stares Killua's dick, which is engorged and swollen with want for him. "If I touch myself right now," Killua's whole body is alight with hues of pink, "I'd cum all over you."

Gon shivers and sucks in a breath, feeling a throbbing in his boxers, one that feels so good it contorts his expression a little. "Killua…" his gaze flicks from his friend's length to his eyes, his irises so blue it's startling. "...Is it stupid that I think yours is cute?"

There is a pause, and then, Killua is too flustered and hides half of his face in a pillow, feeling alight from Gon's admiration… however weird it may be. He can't look him in the face right now, especially with how vulnerable he feels under Gon's wanderlust gaze. This is way too much, but he doesn't want it to stop, and that terrifies him.

"Killua?"

"It's fine," He squeaks, his voice too flimsy. It's a bit of a lie, it's not fine. Inside, he squirms over the way Gon is looking at him, with that hunger, and how he recklessly voices what he thinks. He swallows a lump in his throat, one that won't go away. "You're going to have to… do it yourself."

"Do it… myself?" Gon cups his clothed erection with one hand and Killua feels too much blood rush to his head at once.

His heart slams in his chest. "Yeah, just do whatever feels good."

Gon gets a little pink just by the way Killua says it. It's in a low, rumbling octave that makes him feel funny. "Okay," not fast enough, Gon pulls his boxers down. Killua bites his lip at the sight of Gon's dick springing free. He devours it with his eyes, he can't help it, he wants him too badly. Killua suddenly understands where Gon was coming from when he thought his was cute. It's Gon's, and that makes it endearing, and hot, even if it is different looking than Killua's own.

Gon doesn't break eye contact with his best friend as he wraps a hand around his length. Killua lets out an audible groan at the way Gon is looking at him, drunk off of arousal and want. At the feeling, Gon's head falls back a little, and he lets out a breathy moan that sounds so fucking good to Killua. It sounds way better than the ones Gon made in all of his fantasies.

"K-Killua," Gon pants, toes curling as he holds himself firmly between his spread legs, "what do I do now?"

"You…" Killua can't get the words out, everything is spinning and hazy as he watches Gon's abs ripple with his labored breathing. "You pump your hand on it."

"Like… this?" His hand moves up and down on his length, and he hisses: "oh God, Killua…" He stares at the beautiful boy across from him as he moans without restraint. "This feels good."

Killua has never been hornier in his life. He bites his knuckles to avoid pawing at his own dick as his hips roll up lustfully into the comforter, the cloth teasing his tip as he watches Gon animalistically ravish himself. He can't believe that he's watching Gon like this— watching his face contort in sexual ways and listening to his beautiful moans and pants at the new sensations that are setting his body on fire. Gon's putting on a show for him, and fuck, if it isn't better than everything he's seen before.

"Hah! Ahhh…" Gon's hand becomes a blur. "Am I doing this… right, Killua?"

The sound of his name being moaned like that is what breaks him. It seems as soon as Killua lunges for him, Gon meets him halfway, and suddenly they are tangled together in a mesh of lust and limbs. Killua only registers the feeling of being propped on Gon's lap, his tan skin ablaze beneath him. With a cry, Killua's teeth find the junction between Gon's shoulder and neck when he feels Gon's hand pull both of their lengths against each other, their hips frantically rolling together on instinct.

The feeling of grinding with Gon like this...

He feels too good.

"K-Killua!"

"Gon!"

Gon's hand squeezes both of their erections impossibly closer. Tears of impossible pleasure make tears spill from Killua's eyes, especially as Gon kisses him for the first time.

He's here now.

They both shudder against each other as their cum spurts onto their stomachs; Killua's nails rake down Gon's shoulder blades.

And this is what the final stage must be: loving you.