Chapter 14: Dreaming and Waking

Kanan's aware that he's asleep in that odd sort of way you sometimes are, when you don't know exactly how you ended up unconscious, but don't particularly object to your current dreamscape surroundings. Though on second thought, maybe it's less his then Ezra's actual dream.

They're clearly on Lothal after all – yes, but nowhere near anywhere Kanan's personally visited. He's standing on a large rock outcropping right now, looking out over an absolutely glorious moon marked sunrise or sunset. Ezra, is sitting near the edge of the summit, his legs folded under him in a meditative lotus position. The kid's eyes are closed, his face is peaceful, his body is still in a way Kanan rarely truly sees it….and sufficive to say the kid is looking just a little bit… different right now.

"Force Kid. That haircut makes it look like you've been shorn like a sheep." Kanan murmurs the comment softly, with no small amount of bemused wonder, as he sinks down next to the younger man, reaching out to gingerly touch the close-cut hair almost as he can't quite resist doing so, because Force but does the hairstyle make Ezra look like a different person.

The teen quite simply stated looks older now – but also more pared down to the barest of essentials, for lack of a better way to describe it. Oh, Ezra's still clearly in his teen years, yes, but without his mad mass of floppy hair around his face, there's something that seems both less naïve and simultaneously far more vulnerable about him. Like he simply has no masks anymore to even try and hide behind.

The teenager quirks his lips, though his eyelids remain shut. "Shhhh, Kanan. In case you failed to notice, I'm trying to meditate here."

"Keyword being trying." Kanan says dryly quirking up his own left eyebrow. "Trying to empty your mind when you're already unconscious, is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom, Ezra. Which I assume that you already know at this point after more then four years of training. Sleep and mindfulness don't mix Kid, well unless you're courting subconscious revelation anyway. So - this is what you looked before you 'woke up here' all those weeks ago then?"

Ezra snorts, his eyes still closed, though his posture does relax completely out of formal lotus, "Yes Kanan. This is what I looked like when I hit age eighteen."

Kanan looks him up and down, noting the lightsaber burn on one cheek, the dusting of whiskers now on his cheeks in the likely fading light of the day. "Wow...You're pretty tall, Kid. I guess you don't end up with your mother's frame after all."

Ezra snorts softly at the comment. "No, Kanan. I really don't. And truthfully, I never really expected that I would even when we talked about it before. My mom gave me my eye color, yeah, and a lot of people who knew her personally say that I also have distinct flashes of both her way with words and her normally well leashed temper, but from what little I remember of our family photos before the albums were destroyed when the Bucketheads raided our house I'm a near-perfect physical match of early photographs of my Dad."

Kanan nods, dropping his hand from Ezra's head at last. "I have to admit Kid: it's a little eerie actually hearing you talk when you look this way. I don't know if I'll ever completely unsee this version you in any future conversations."

His Padawan opens blue eyes and looks down at his own body for a long moment, and then his lips quirk up ironically. "Tell me about it. I just got used to being back to a smaller size again. I figured it'd be a few years yet before I'd be seeing this particular me in the mirror again." He shrugs, "But oh, well, it could always be worse. At least I didn't get dumped back before puberty . Not only would the wait for you guys have been a whole lot longer, but I can't imagine what'd have been like trying to go from eighteen to seven or nine or something. Talk about a nightmare. I mean yeah now I'll have to wait to get my height and weight back to where it was before, but it'll all come in slowly and steadily. Unlike the uneven completely random growth spurs that I had to deal with in the very beginning of my preteens."

Kanan considers, then nods. "Yeah, I can see how you might get weirded out by that idea. Still..." Kanan looks him up and down, "I suppose I can at least be comforted by the fact that even if you're going to challenge me on height pretty damn quickly, at this age you're still way scrawnier than I am. Though the more honest description is probably that you're 'more reedy.'"

Ezra let's out a tiny little huff of laughter at that. "That's one way to look at it." He chuckles again,

"What is it?" Kanan asks tilting his head.

Ezra waves a hand at him. "Nothing, Master. It's kind of hard to explain the humor."
Kanan raises an eyebrow, "Try anyway?"

"All right. Well…appearance wise you and I sort of flip-flopped by the time I turned eighteen, Kanan. At least in some contexts…"

"Well I'm not assuming that I'd gotten any shorter so..."

"No. You definitely didn't. But at the same time that I close-cut my hair, Kanan you stopped shaving so much and kept on growing out both your hair and your beard to a degree. Admittedly probably just because it was easier to maintain it that way in the crazy lives we were living. It's just…well you got a lot hairier all over just generally speaking. To the degree that a squadron I used to fly with on occasion took to teasingly called you Master Grizzly behind your back."

Kanan snorts at that. "I have to admit I really can't picture that when you describe it. Though I suppose I should be glad to know that after four years of training you I wasn't left completely bald from stress shedding. Which up until now has seemed a hell of a lot more likely."

Ezra rolls his eyes. Kanan nudges him with an elbow. " So, what made you ultimately decide to chop all your hair off? Did it just get to be too much work? Or did you get sick of having to deal with the regular maintenance haircuts? I remember I let mine grow out in my twenties for pretty much the same sort of reason."

Ezra shakes his head slightly, and shifts a little uneasily, chewing his lip quietly for a moment, before finally speaking, "My hair went for two reasons actually if I'm honest Kanan. The first was piloting and the second was penance."

"Penance? For what?" Kanan feels his brow knot up in confusion.

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders, turning to look at the horizon before continuing. "I was responsible for the serious injury of a very close friend of mine. They didn't see it that way of course, but it still took me a very, very long time to be able to let go of the guilt I felt about it and it just felt right," Ezra shrugs, "Cutting off one's hair as a sign of either contrition or of mourning, it's a very Lotholian thing to do, Kanan. I can't really explain the context any better than that it's just...something that is. And no matter what else I've ever been in my life, or will be, I have always been Lotholian. "

Kanan nods at that, making a mental note to inquire about the custom a little bit more if he ever meets another native Lotholian who might have some additional insight to offer on the subject. He finds the idea interesting on any number of levels, not the least of which is how such a tradition might interact with other Lotholian traditions about head coverings. He and Hera have been to this planet a handful of times over the years, but Kanan's never made all that much of an effort to make an in-depth study of their specific cultural traditions. Which he should probably get around to changing just as soon as possible seeing as his Padawan had literally spent his first fourteen years immersed up to his neck in them.

"So…your friend? Is it okay for me to ask what eventually happened to them? I mean I assume that they lived?"

"Yeah. Thank force. For awhile longer, anyway before falling with several others during one of our biggest missions. I…. Look I promise I'll tell you more about that at some point. I'm just…a bit to wiped right now to dig into it more currently, okay?"

"Fair enough." Kanan agrees, "So..." Kanan looks around him, deliberately changing the subject. "Should I be proud or kind of worried about our schedules in the days to come if you literally have to dream up time for meditating? "

Ezra snickers again. "Oh, my dreams aren't always this way. I promise that much, Kanan. It's just..."

"Yes?"

His Padawan shrugs, "Life can be a wild ride sometimes that's all, Kanan. It only seems fair that when you do make it into a bunk for more than a couple of hours of downtime you ought to at least try and multitask while you're out. And this kind of a moment is a rush sometimes, just as much as it's also relaxing." The boy's smirk turns distinctly whimsical then, "I mean it's not comparable to flying with The Purgil or anything but then," Ezra shrugs. "In my experience very little else ever has been or will be."

"You've been flying with Purgil." Kanan blinks in response to that confession.

Ezra turns back to Kanan then, his smile positively beaming, "Yeah! And for the record, they're absolutely awesome. I think that if I could have found a way to do it more often I would have in a heartbeat...but you can't exactly keep them as pets. They're seriously the wildest of truly wild things. Just knowledge and passion and instinct all in this inseparable ball of centuries upon centuries of life lived traveling through space. Way, way smarter than anyone who sees them would probably ever imagine."

"You make it sound like you could understand them…" Kanan observes quietly.

"I could, for a little while, anyway."

"You must have quite the natural talent for connection then." Kanan murmurs, making a mental note to research the Holocron when he next can for information specifically about that Force gift in particular and those in Jedi history who have been particularly talented at it.

"I'm...generally pretty good at it, yeah. Unless the subject is Spiders." Ezra shudders. "I admit to being more than slightly arachnophobia."

"It happens to the best of us." Kanan informs him with a shrugs, "When I was a kid still in training myself back at the Temple I used to find tight spaces triggering. Can't exactly say why though."

Ezra nods. Then chews his lip. "Kanan, not that you're not welcome or anything at least at the moment. I still have to ask, though how is it that you're even in my dream? Or at least I assume that that's what's literally happening? OtherKanan and I…we couldn't do this as far as I can remember. Is it just because I'm not shielding as heavily as normal or you're not…? I'm not like mad about it or anything, just…"

"Curious?"

Ezra nods. "And a little bit concerned to be truthful, Kanan. As I said you being here, now, it's fine. But…well… I don't always have the calmest or safest of dreams for anyone to just be wandering around in."

Kanan reaches out a hand and squeezes Ezra's shoulder briefly. "Don't worry, Kid I know to keep my eyes open in anyone else's head. Force in my own head half the time. That said, once the link settles in more and we're both back to more regular levels of shielding it won't probably happen all that often. You're just very naturally talented at connection as I was saying earlier. Far more than most Jedi I met myself, I'm guessing too…"

Ezra's lips quirk up a little wryly at that. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"That depends on who you ask. I'll say this much though, back in the old days your apparent level of talent if you can actually communicate meaningfully with Purgil would have made you seriously tasty prey for recruitment to groups like the Mind Healers, the Creche Staff or the Negotiating Pools."

Ezra snickers aloud at that idea. "As in scientific or political work, Kanan? Hardly." the teenager snorts, "I'm a pilot, a fighter and a *thief,* Kanan. As well as a decent guard dog by practical assignment. All three of the other jobs you just mentioned are kind of hugely outside of my purview."

Kanan frowns at that a little. "No, Ezra. They're not. Or rather they wouldn't have been in a world where your primary duty hadn't just been surviving. You certainly seem to have the innate intelligence to have studied and succeeded in any of those three jobs as far as I can tell. Though I think I know you well enough by now to be fairly sure that you'd also have personally preferred and been happiest in a job that's both active and hands-on as opposed to largely academic."

Ezra's lips quirk, "Look, no offense, but I was literally *born* on Empire Day, Kanan. As the first and only child of two dyed in the wool Lotholian resistance leaders. Even after they were taken, irritating Imperials has always been less my hobby then it is my self-appointed calling. My history – well to borrow an old saying, Kanan, it is what it is. I am, I suspect what I was always fated to be."

Ezra ducks his head down a little then, blushing, "Though on the other hand, maybe that sounds arrogant when I put it this way and that's not…. I'm not trying to blow the idea off. I just…I somehow really doubt that I'd ever have been anything else but what I am already in the universe in which we live."

"And what are you then, Ezra, in your own words exactly?"

Ezra shrugs his shoulder a little, "I'm a sword or a shield arm to those I meet who need it. A shoulder and a sounding board to my friends and my allies when it seems like they need from me. A sentinel with one eye on the horizon…well, when I can manage to make sense of my dreams anyway. Mostly I'm just…I don't kno….whatever the Force and those who I care about seem to need me to be at the time."

Kanan's lips quirk up, "The word that you're looking for is 'Jedi', Ezra."

Ezra expression twitches, then he shrugs, "Maybe, Master. We'll see."

Kanan frowns. "Kid that's not a recruitment quip, that's like… better than half of the knight's pledge you just spouted back to me there..." On accident apparently.

"And a centaur is half of a horse, Kanan. Like I said, Master, we'll just have to wait and see."

"I take it you've been doubting the path that you're on these past few years?" Kanan makes a regretful sort of face, "Kid…after the last few months that's basically normal. Almost anyone sane who lived through what you just did would be having doubts."

"It's not that…well at least not exactly."

"Then what to do you mean? And for the record, Ezra, I'm asking completely non-judgmentally. I'm not calling you out on the rug here…just seeking further understanding of your viewpoint. I mean it's normal to have questions about the path as we progress on the journey."

"It's not the questions I have, it's the answers that I keep getting from people that really worry me, Kanan."

"Meaning?"

"Just...that so many people I've met in recent years act like it's all so black and white; especially among the resistance. Who yes, I've interacted with the most admittedly. Still, I've been around long enough myself – and seen enough different people and their choices and viewpoints to realize that real life is a kriff of a lot more complex than almost anyone I've met so far's simplified philosophy. There's a whole world of grey between what amounts to very thin strips of black and white."

Ezra shrugs again, toying with the heel of his left boot, "And look - I know Jedi philosophy, Kanan – I really do. Well as much of it as you and your Holocron from Master Billaba could find the time to teach me. And I'm not trying to sound ungrateful or rebellious when I say this or anything. But Kanan? I'm honestly not sure it's all the right stuff for me. There are...conflicts truthfully. Serious issues that I have with some of the major tenets. Kriff, the Temple may not even actually admit me anymore, whenever we do get around to actually trying again. Because let's be honest I'm *not* the kid who passed a trial and got his first crystal at fourteen anymore, I'm really not. Granted I'm not all that changed either, I don't think, but I do know myself and the world both better than I used to now and I won't - I can't - give up certain things at this point in my life in good conscience, basically. Not that I'm saying I'm not willing to listen, or hear other peoples' perspectives and maybe change my own as I learn more along the way."

Ezra shrugs his shoulders. "But I'm not going to walk the path of the Jedi, Kanan, I can't in good conscience, if the cost of doing so is killing off what I'm now recognizing are personally defining parts of 'myself' in the process."

Ezra lips twitch up at that, as he glances over at Kanan than back out at the sky again. "And don't I just sound like a literal cesspool of teenage angst and melodramatic puberty when I say that, just to make the whole things ten times worse. At least from my perspective anyway. I swear to kriff I hate puberty, Kanan. Eighteen was way, way easier than fourteen hormonally."

Kanan looks at Ezra, a very, very long time silently. Then he asks a very simple question, again as non-judgmentally as he can manage it. "Ezra, is this…? Was this topic anything you ever really discussed with OtherMe before he died?"

"Sort of. A little. Maybe. Certainly never this explicitly. There was never really time. As I said there was a war on, Kanan – and there was always another mission – another round of necessary duty. It didn't seem important."

"Ezra look at me." Kanan's voice is gentle and calm.

The teenager obeys, looking a little bit hesitant as if braced to get yelled at. "Yeah?"

"War or not? Duty or not? As your master? This conversation – dealing with these kind of questions and concerns? *It is* my karking 'duty.' And I'll tell you right now, if you'd ever pulled him aside and he'd realized how much you've apparently knotted yourself up over everything you just said, OtherMe would have said the exact same kriffing thing."

Ezra shrugs again, "Like I said, we were in the middle of a war Kanan. Seriously. He didn't need to cope with adolescent melodrama on top of the weight of missions and the threat of constant death we were always under. The last thing he needed to put up with was a…"

"Teenager?"

"Yeah."

Kanan rolls his eyes heavenwards sighing softly, "Yeah well kid, reality check for you here okay? Whether you are fourteen or eighteen or somewhere in the middle you're technically still *in* your teens! And Ezra you're entitled to a few rights of adolescent passage! Worldview testing, self-analysis and self-redefinition being three of the very most prominent on that list."
Ezra sighs deeply, "…If you say so, Kanan."

"I do… And as for what you said above about having to have it all figured out to enter a Jedi Temple, much less be a Jedi Padawan? Ezra no one ever said – or they shouldn't have at least, that to be a Jedi you can't have doubts or even just have hard questions. I mean Force, Kid…the primary difference between a cult and a stable belief system is that the later actually encourages and *stands up to* honest testing while the first collapses under real examination. Kriff, Ezra, sometimes it's not even the concept that a person is wrestling with that's really the problem but simply the way in which they've incorrectly or only partially perceived it. Which can only be resolved ultimately *through* further discussion. Complex or multifaceted issues sometimes take awhile in order for people to understand. You having these kinds of questions isn't rebellious at all Ezra, just the opposite really. It's just sign of greater growth and maturity – proof you're progressing on the path!"

Ezra shrugs, "Maybe so. Still for the record Kanan, I feel as if I ought to tell you that I'm sorry for something for all of this."

"For what exactly?" Kanan asks, scratching his head – though he has a pretty good hunch he knows where Ezra's next words are actually going.

The teenager shrugs, "For saddling you with a training link to a Padawan who doesn't even know for sure if he's meant to be an actual Jedi anymore, Kanan. You didn't exactly get the sit-down talk of full disclosure before our bond reforged about my stance on this did you?" The teenager's lips quirked up wryly. "I mean if I'd have gone the route of telling you outright, then I'd like to think that I'd have done that much preferably before things couldn't be undone, so to speak. You certainly didn't ask for a student with my obvious and lingering levels of uncertainty."

'And you didn't ask to watch my OtherSelf die, Ezra, or for the bond to break and shred the inside of your head. Or to grow up in a war zone for the past four years.' Kanan thinks to himself with a sigh before finally verbally replying again, "Look Kid, I have another question for you. When I first offered you training in your originating timeline, did I ever *once* imply that I was demanding an unshakable lifetime commitment from you to the Path of the Jedi ? Even if said path went against your personal ethics or instincts?"

Ezra blinks, "No, of course not, Kanan. You just offered to share what you knew."

"Good. Because if I had, Ezra then I would have been an asshole, and I hope to kriff that you'd have turned and run a thousand miles an hour the kark away from me! Demanding the surrender of one's conscience isn't a Jedi tenant, Ezra. Just the opposite really - it's a blatantly *Sith* philosophy as a route to more power And as we both know power without ethical limitations only corrupts you!"

"Huh." Ezra blinks at that a moment. "I didn't really think of it that way."

"And I apparently never got the chance to point the fact out to you in your originating time-stream because I was apparently so focused on other things I was unaware of the conflict, and you Kid- admittedly for the noblest of stupid ass reasons, never bothered to just simply sit down and ask me. Which for the record, Ezra? For Force sakes, don't ever do again - especially 'for my sake' anyway. As I said coming to me with this stuff's not being a bother. That's the description of a Master's karking job- whether in the middle of war time or in peace. Let me tell you, my own Master Depa certainly didn't let her stint in the GAR ever stop her from providing the same kind of sounding board to me."

Ezra side-eyes him quietly then, "You're really not at all upset about what I just admitted then?"

"Upset no. Concerned that you've been clearly struggling with the subject all alone, instead of sharing your burden, yes I am a little bit. But Ezra, even so I can't very well get pissed at you for having doubts or asking questions can I and be fair. As a teacher, after all, it's my job show you the path – or more than just one of them, if there are several moral options available. It's also my responsibility to teach you the skills you need to navigate the road as you walk it according to your level of capability and growth. But it's you who's ultimately got to be the one who does all the choosing. And just so long as you're clearly in tune while you're doing so – unlike you were earlier, and you're not being blatantly manipulated by anyone or anything, than I have trust that the Force to give you what you need to choose wisely. Because after all kid, your path isn't meant to be completely identical to mine now is it. It's just meant to run parallel and hopefully for as long as possible, concurrently."

"Huh." Ezra says after a moment of reflection. "I must be really getting better at this philosophy kark or something after all. Because you just sounded a lot like Master Yoda there essentially, Kanan. At least after a fashion. And yet that all still made basic sense to me." His lips quirk up distinctly wryly.

"Great, then how about you answer a question for me now?"

"If I can, sure."

"Why did you have Chopper drive you out to the Temple at all, Ezra, yesterday -I mean. If you had these kind of doubts that you'd be allowed into the Temple at all?"

Ezra rolls his eyes heavenward. "Well that's easy, Master. I know at least some of what's coming, Kanan, and I miss my lightsaber. Like *a lot.* I'd be stupid to not try to get back at this point, really I would. Even if I don't successfully get entrance into the Temple. Because a) I still intend to help as many people as I possibly can, which I think was a huge part of how I got my original crystal the last time around Kanan. Not to mention that I am particularly fond - kriffed head or not - of not dying! The Inquisitorius, the ISF, kark most of the force damned universe doesn't care if I'm technically a Jedi or not at this point Kanan. I'm dead just by association by now. If they know that I'm a force sensitive, then like it or not they're going to be coming for me – to kill me or better yet co-opt me as their weapon if they can. And since staying hidden was never really an option…" Ezra shrugs, "I have to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening."

"It could have been an option – staying hidden I mean. If you'd stayed off Imperial radar. If you'd let the rest of us handle rescuing the Wookies and just maintain your current level of personal shielding." Kanan points this fact out very very softly.

Ezra snorts softly, "Kittwar would be *dead* if I had done that, Kanan! And yeah, while it's true that I'm fond of not dying that doesn't mean I'm just going to let some innocent kid who needed my help die in my place instead. If only because I have to live with myself in the aftermath of that decision! Or not live with myself, I suppose, technically speaking."

"Meaning what?" Kanan narrows his eyes at that comment.

Ezra shrugs his shoulders a little, "That the worst might happen, yeah. But that'd be okay from my perspective. Sacrifice and unhinged martyrdom aren't always the same thing after all Kanan. The former in particular can be done, or at least I'd assume that it can anyway, with the right intent and reasons in play by the person who's losing their life. So long as it is done mindfully – with the person dying well aware of everyone's worth in the specific situation. "Ezra shrugs a little then, "Or perhaps better stated, as I put it to Hera the other day…"

"All lives have to count, or eventually none of them do." Kanan paraphrases Ezra's previous statement softly and he teenager looks over at Kanan, nodding. "Yes. Exactly My life isn't worth less than Kittwar's, Kanan and it certainly isn't worth more. But Master if I hadn't gone along on that mission and saved him then I would have been betraying that particular philosophy in that situation. Because after all as an innocent kid with no fighting experience at all Kittwar didn't have a chance alone against Kallus and those Storm Troopers. While against the Inquisitorius and ISF with my training, I do stand a chance. Not a good chance maybe no, but hey, as they say it on the street, you pays your money, you takes your chances. No one's actually forcing me to live by this particular code of honor, so I get to shoulder both the pros and and the cons of my own ethics if the resulting effects are particularly dangerous or stupid."

Kanan can't help it then. He starts to laugh – hard enough he's practically wheezing. "Hey!" Ezra glares at his master a little insultedly in reaction. "I'm sitting and pouring my heart out. Like you asked me to. And what do you do in return? You sit there and laugh. Like a karking asshole!" The fourteen year old's look turns distinctly pouty.

"I'm sorry, Kid." Kanan manages to get out, between laughs. "It's just well Ezra, do you ever stop, well…*listen to yourself*?! And think you're not a Jedi!"

"Yup. I listen to myself all the time, Kanan. Muddled Street-rat-ese, I know." Ezra shrugs apparently ignoring the rest of Kanan's statement for the timebeing. "Which is probably why so few people actually listen to me most of the time if I face up to it honestly. Well except you now of course, and OtherYou and the OtherSpecters in the other timeline. OtherHera once told me that I am plenty wise, once you take the time to get to know me but that I, unfortunately, speak as if I'm under- educated. Thanks to my rather scattered academic record. Not that I didn't try and catch up when there was time last time around... Thank kriff for your holocron, and the Rebellion base's audiobook library, Kanan."

Kanan's eyes narrow yet again at that particular admission. "Kid -I've got a question for you?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever get any serious questions about your reading skills - or handwriting ones for that matter. In the old timeline I mean, from either OtherHera or myself?"

Ezra snorts, rolling his eyes heavenward, "Well Hera got sick of my chicken scratch on a semi-regular basis, yes, and gave me pretty much constant kriff about my spelling in memos. Not to mention that I swear to Force Kanan that she probably threw no less than six different handwriting programs at me over the years. Usually after trying to read my mission reports or as part of an ongoing 'schooling push' or punishment regimen. They never helped all much though no matter how diligent I was about them. Other you," Ezra shrugs, "...didn't seem to care so much about what I'd called 'regular academics'– to be fair our day to day lives on the Ghost didn't exactly require that I take very many tests or write a lot of papers, Kanan and I could buy what I needed, fix what broke as necessary, that sort of thing, not to mention always made decent strides in sparring and force skill training. When I needed to give reports Kanan, by the end I of things anyway, just used my data pad's text to speech with auto-correct on or I just reported off orally for someone else to transcribe when that was an option. But like I said we were living in a war zone not at any kind of academy."

Kanan winces in reply to that, because again this is all sounding very very familiar. "Ezra did they ever evaluate you - or have anyone else do it, for something called Dyslexia, that you're aware of?"

Ezra's brow wrinkles up. "I don't think so, no. But then again Kanan we didn't exactly have a lot of funds for extra medical tests that. Truthfully Kanan, life was pretty much hand to mouth when I first came aboard the Ghost, at least initially. Especially when the Inquistorius in particular starting hunting us in earnest and our available job pool shrunk a ton as a result. Later on..." Ezra shrugs. "If you're worried about it know I had all the basic testing for vision and hearing and a full blood panel once we joined up officially as a squadron with the rebellion as part of my fleet physical." The teenager frowns then, looking thoughtful, "Speaking of which, Kanan - we should probably try check into that again next time it's even vaguely fiscally doable if only because I know that I popped hot for a particular illness back when I was sixteen or so last time around and that Hera literally flipped a lid for awhile when she first found out about it. I mean it wasn't something that was dangerous to any of the rest of you contagion wise as far as I remember, but she was pissed as kriff that it took so long to get said illness identified in me and then to start on the recommended treatments for whatever reason."

"Which illness exactly, Ezra?" Kanan asks him frowning deeply at this new information.

"Um...Hepatitis? Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was called anyway. It effects the liver they say. I can't remember for certain though whether it was strain A, B, or C." The teenager wrinkles his nose, "Just that the meds I took for it made me constantly nauseous for like a month, and that when we found out that had it at all Hera got very very quiet and then stomped around for weeks after really, really *really* pissy."

Yes, Kanan can imagine.

"And you, Kanan..."

"And I what?" Kanan arches a brow, curious how his other self had reacted.

Ezra actually shrugs, snorting softly. "You actually apologized for some completely nonsensical reason! Like it was your fault I got sick when the scans showed that I'd had it by that point for like...half a decade at least. And as soon as it was discovered, you all made sure that I damn well got any and all treatment needed. Whether I wanted it or not initially." Ezra rolls his eyes heavenward then. "I swear to Force Kanan – during the treatment regimen, I was like two hours late once, taking one of the doses – like I said they made me gurky, so I wasn't what you'd call a fan of the stuff. And when Sabine found out what I'd done she literally threatened to gut me and hang me up in the cargo bay if I ever did it deliberately again. Which was seriously counterproductive if you ask me, since the whole point of all of it was supposedly just to get me healthy again."

Ezra waves the thought off with a hand, "But anyway. Bygones. It's not like it was actually this world's Sabine. I just figure, you know, that since I already know this time around, maybe if we take care of it earlier, then when Hera inevitably finds out about it she'll be less inclined to have a bantha in response or something."

Uhm no. Kanan can deny that assumption with about one thousand percent certainty. She'll be just as angry about the issue, albeit for a group of very different reasons. But hey on the bright side, Kanan figures, at least Ezra's time traveler past will help them avoid a lot of pointless angst about unintentionally insufficient medical treatment on their parts. Kanan draws in a deep breath, "Well I guess that answers one of the questions that Hera asked me the other day…"

"That being?"

"Where I want to start looking for new jobs. The answer at this point is, 'somewhere with a decent medical clinic.'"

Ezra sighs a little at that. "Well that's probably going to have to wait at least a little while, Kanan. That kind of care is expensive as Sith Spit, at least on Lothol these days. The Imperials jacked up the price of everything, between the increased tariffs and all the extra red tape involved in following all the new imperial medical regulations. Not to even mention that they shut down everyone legitimate who didn't follow all the regulations religiously. "And as for most of illegitimate options that are left?" He shudders hard, clearly remembering earlier visits, "They all mostly involve the kind of people, prices and sanitary conditions that I'd frankly prefer to avoid if I'm not literally dying already. Seriously Kanan, I'll take the Hepatitis over the south side chop shop in this city, truthfully."

"Well then our next mission is going to have to be on a different planet then." Kanan informs him, absolutely unbent by this information.

Ezra frowns, "But there's still so much stuff here that we need to deal with Kanan within the next couple of…"

Kanan firmly cuts him off, "Most of that 'stuff' as you put it is going to have to karking wait, Ezra, at least until you're covered in terms of basic required medical treatment. Kriff, Ezra- Hepatitis is noncommunicable yes, if you've had the standard galatic series of childhood inoculations anyway. It's also not anything to mess with if you confirmedly have it, Kid. It can seriously damage your liver if left untreated, even under the best of living conditions. Which you haven't exactly been handing it in recent days, Ezra with all your hit and run binge drinking."

Thank kriff, Kanan can't help but think, that Amalyn filters out through the kidneys just like morphine. Though he's going to have to look up the treatment reccs for Hepatitis in the meantime to make sure they're meeting the treatment standards in terms of adequate hydration and other possible dietary limitations.

Ezra's face screws up at this apparent revelation. "Kriff…this is probably going to shove Hera straight back into dietary supplement mode again when she finds that out isn't it?" The teenager buries his face in his hands, groaning aloud. "Just kill me now Kanan. It'd be kinder. Seriously."

The look that Kanan tosses Ezra in response to that is dry, because, yup, that's definitely the fourteen rather than the eighteen year old in the kid's tone yet again. "And you accuse me of being melodramatic about things."

Ezra half glares, "It's not melodramatic or paranoid on my part, Kanan, if they are in fact out to get you. I'm telling you, Kanan: the Hera in my originating time-stream was on her best of days more than a little obsessive about that sort of thing. Which would have been fine if the trait got spread evenly among the other five of us, I guess. Except for some reason? The only one who she ever really harassed was me. On a year constant basis until she decided I'd hit growth and health standard according to both her and the doctors. Seriously, Master?! Whatever happened to sharing one's burdens in a family?!"

Ezra's tone is so disgruntled at that confession that Kanan literally can't help it - his lips curl upward again in reaction, as he shakes his head and chuckles, reaching out to squeeze Ezra's shoulder gently in reply. "She'll ease off eventually, Kid, I promise. Just let her get her feet under her Look, Ezra, Hera's just very pragmatic and practical in the way that she tries to 'help' other people she cares about with their problems. Especially when she's actively worried about them. She's not actually trying to drive you crazy, Ezra, I promise. In fact if anything I'd say it's probably more likely that she's just basically replicating what little 'doting behavior' she recalls from her brief memories of her own childhood with her mother before she passed. I know Hera's commented her Mom was a stickler – unlike her dad – about what she could and couldn't eat."

Ezra blinks at that, cursing softly in reaction to that new bit of information. There's no heat in the reply really however, instead there's something much like chagrin on his face and in his tone. "Well knowing that now Kanan, I'm not even going to grump about it without feeling like a jerk anymore, am I? That wasn't very kind of you, Master."

"This hasn't been a week for kindness, really. Or even a month for it, for the matter. Or at least that's how Hera put it earlier this week." Kanan informs his Padawan in return, very very dryly.
Ezra nods at that, his face screwing up in an apologetic grimace. "Yeah I know. And I know that a lot of that was probably on me too. For which I apologize, Kanan."

"That takedown you gave us all the other day - but Hera, Sabine and Zeb in particular. They're still dealing with some serious psychological bruising from it Ezra. Hera, in particular, is still smarting over the fact that you not only called her on a major personal blind spot, but you also openly called her a zealot. Given some issues with her dad in her past, I believe she referred to it earlier as the equivalent of getting a philosophical spanking."

Ezra winces, "Force, Kanan, Kark I'm sorry…I really shouldn't've…"

"Yes. You should have, Ezra." Kanan interrupts, "I actually need to thank you for your speech, if I'm honest. Most people run from the truth because they know it isn't pleasant after all most of the time, but that doesn't mean said truth isn't needed. This may sound counter-intuitive Kid, …but you helped us all in the long run, even if we got bruised up by the delivery."

"How so?" Ezra honestly doesn't see that he'd dropped any real deep nuggets of insight there. Just actually said what retrospective made obvious truthfully.

"You made us stop and actually examine our decision through a different lens Ezra, by forcing us to face up to some things we've been conveniently avoiding about the ways that we've chosen to live or to think. You weren't wrong at all about the danger of allegiance to causes instead of moral codes and how the later can blind you. And you were absolutely right to call us out in particular on the hypocrisy of our deciding how to respond to Zeb's betrayal of you by voting instead of just insisting on returning because it was what our own previous action had morally demanded." Kanan sighs, "As I said what you said was mostly true Ezra. It desperately needed to be said. I just wish that the whole thing wasn't also going to colored by the fact that your reasons for doing so were actually so manipulative. Because truth - especially partial truth which we both know yours was-tends to lose a lot its potency when it gets tied to advancing someone else's personal agendas. As it is right now kid, I still don't know if the truth that came out of your mouth is going to stick quite as hard in the long run as the reasons why you chose that moment and said it."

Ezra expression grows weary, as he shrugs his shoulders, nearly helpless. "Yeah, well it was the last best weapon I could think of at the time, Master. I was more than a little bit desperate. Nothing else I tried was working. I needed a believable reason to detach. If I'd been a slightly different kind of Kid the first time around that's probably exactly what would have happened. As it was at fourteen I was pretty karking desperate. And smart enough to know I stood no chance, trust issue or no, on my own against the ISF. This time around, well the argument seemed my best excuse for blowing you guys off that Hera and the others would have real trouble seriously contradicting, so I went with it." Now the teenager's snort turns wry, "Not that it actually helped me all that much id it, Kanan, considering Hera's deal, Sabine's and the rest of you guys' baiting. Though I suppose that Chopper own turn at 'truth' was finally the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back."

Kanan reaches out a hand then to gently flick his forehead. "That would be because truth in its pure form is meant to function as a *light* Ezra, not as a weapon. Not to mention Chopper wasn't using truth on you so much as psychological manipulation. Also: while you can definitely argue better than most people I've met of your age Ezra – possibly thanks to our previous discussions, you clearly haven't had quite my level of logic courses on how to see through argumentative fallacies yet. "

Ezra nods, "I was just looking for something that would work…as I said. A believable argument. It was mostly just luck I think that on the first round up in the Tower at least, I actually found it."
"That you did. Or a part of the truth at least. Though Ezra, just be warned that some point one or more of the rest of us will eventually get around to replying to that 'speech' of yours – to rebutting and or scaffolding off of it for their own purposes. And seeing as how you're not going anywhere anytime soon now and Hera Zeb and Sabine'll have more time to think, you better be prepared when the day arrives, for one or all of them to turn around and metaphorically hand you back your own ass."

Ezra's smile is wry. "You already managed a plenty good start on that all on your own, Master. Earlier this morning, with your whole justification of grounding; thing. I mean rationally I know karking well you're right. That I was majorly out of line, that I shouldn't have done it, it's just, I don't know…."

Kana's smile is sympathetic, "That for you right now, rationality in that particular subject at least, keeps on coming in and out of the building?"

Ezra shrugs embarrassed and then nods yet again. "Look, I'm willing to admit that it's a problem, Kanan. I still have no clue at all, though, how to go about stopping or fixing it."

"Admitting it's a problem at all is a start Ezra, and so is giving the 'why' of it all a name."

"Fine. " Ezra snorts, his tone self derisive, "Then I clearly have a growing stupidity problem."

Kanan elbows him gently, "Bzzzt! Sorry Bridger. Wrong answer. Please pick again."

"Then what would you call it, Kanan?" Ezra asks him almost sulkily. Clearly torn between just wanting to pout and wanting an actual explanation.

Kanan looks at the younger man then, calm and sympathetic, "A trauma based inclination toward unhealthy rationalization, Ezra? Severe and lingering mental trauma from a kriff-load of ongoing psychic damage? Not to even mention probable PTSD from both OtherMe dying and your time travelling with accompanying symptoms of severe anxiety and depression?"

The look that Ezra shoots him back in response to that is thoroughly unimpressed with all of the above. "I think I prefer to just stick with 'stupidity.' If nothing else Master, it's faster."
Kanan snorts softly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder gently again. "Maybe so, Kid, but you've got to diagnose the disease properly, not to mention admit to its existence if you're ever going to find the right treatment to help you cope with it."

The look that the teenager shoots him is distinctly wry. "I hate to break it to you Master, but I'm pretty Force-damned sure that at this point that there is no cure for what's actually wrong with my head at this point so much as a serious case of, 'It's broke but you still went bought it.' To be fair Kanan, I tried to warn you guys all straight away – lbeit subtly, that the stray you were trying to lure back to The Ghost was more than a little bit nuts– not to mention technically not even up for sale. But then you all had to go and get idealistic and shoplift the crazy-ass sucker anyway. And now we all get to live with it. Which on some days I guarantee you're definitely going to regret."

"...Ezra," Kanan huffs.

But Ezra just snorts, and spreads his arms wide continuing, "I mean seriously, look at me Kanan! When I'm not waxing philosophical about Jedi Philosophy or impulsively hijacking government transports I'm obsessing over spreadsheets of the possible outcomes of various future decision, or arguing with Chop about statistical probability chains! Or I'm crying because I dropped the kriffing toothpaste on the floor, or having completely random nervous breakdowns because oversized Jedi bullies act like assholes and randomly sneak-attack pinch me. Seriously, I'm telling you Kanan: trauma is boring! It needs to take a holiday for a couple weeks at least! Or at least get itself on a Force Bedamned schedule so it's less kriffing constantly annoying!"

"It will, Kid." Kanan soothes the younger man patiently, "With the regular application of sleep, time, and - you're really going to really hate this one in particular, Ezra - *talk* with people who can help you process and cope with the stress that this situation is causing. Because here's a little secret you may not have realized yet, Kid..."

Kanan squeezes his shoulder yet again, "Your emotional reactions to the situation you've found yourself in, Ezra? Are actually normal and healthy!" Kanan shakes his head, "Well minus the way that you've been coping with them by lying and running and the drinking anyway. But your responses to what's happened aren't 'kriffed' – they're normal basically."

The teenager looks over at him in response to that doubtfully.

Kanan just snorts softly, "Ezra seriously: anyone who's suffered a loss like yours of a former whole life is going to grieve, anyone who unexpectedly time travelled alone would end up wondering if they're slowly going crazy. And anyone who is familiar with the reality of actual war who has reason to believe that more war is directly incoming, is going to be anxious and try and prepare for it. Is going to try in increase the whole experience's survivability. Your mind is focused on what it always has been, Ezra, and that's just straight up surviving."

Ezra's starting to look thoughtful now, so Kanan continues, "If you're actually truly messed up by anything at all kid, it's too much ongoing stress and too much isolation – not to mention ongoing inadequate resources, which is about to change in a big way, Ezra, hopefully. Because after all, Ezra, now that I know and Hera does as, you won't be coping with it all alone anymore like you've had to up until now. This time process and prepare both you'll be doing so in the middle of a supportive community..."

"Wait a minute! Hera knows, Kanan?! Since when?!" Ezra gasps out on a tight, high pitched squeak, and then between one breath and the next Kanan is literally booted out of the previously serene mindscape and back into his own body.

For the first microsecond or so he assumes that Ezra literally threw him out. Either out of anger or retribution or maybe even because of the compulsive instinct to hide. But that assumption immediately evaporates the moment Kanan consciously registers the sound of Ezra's breathing beside him. The teenager is huddled over his knees right now, curled up on his bench seat, tucked forward in a ball rather like a small, frightened child, his mouth wide open, his eyes staring straight ahead – the pupils wide an unseeing. He's clearly trying to get air in, but he's just as obviously hyperventilating.

'Well Sith Spit.' Full on panic attack in process, then. And Kriff, Kanan can literally feel the terror rolling down through the link. "Ezra. Ezra? Kid! I'm here. You're fine. You're all right. Look at me please..."

"Hera. Knows?!" Ezra gaspingly repeats.

Kanan nods, his voice deliberately low, "I told her when I checked in, Ezra. Right before I first went to sleep." He closes a hand on the teenager's shoulder gently and squeezes for a moment. "Kid it's all right. It's okay. I'm here and you're safe, but I need you to try and breathe with me, okay?" Let's take a slow breath in for the count of three than out again for seven if you can."

But it's already too late, by far. The kid's chest simply locks up, his blue eyes widening impossibly. He gasps several times, shallowly, trapped in the pattern of breathing. 'Put…put…me…out!' Echoes the command/request in his mind.

"Ezra… I can just help talk you down."

'Put! Me! Out!' The mental command comes again. 'Don't …Want...To Hurt… Somebody!'

Kanan's forehead wrinkles at that, "Ezra, that's not just going to happen randomly."

'Tell that...to the person.. I put in a coma...for a week! The last time…that I had...one of these around…people!'

"You what Kid?!"

'Was…Unintentional… Accident…Age seven." Ezra's whole chest is heaving, his skin growing progressively paler and paler. 'Someone Grabbed Me… In The Dark…Scared…. Reacted Very Badly.'

"That's your normal for panic attacks, Ezra?!" Kanan blinks back incredulously.

'No. Rare…for me…. to have at all. Normally just hyperventilate…till I pass out. ..After that fall asleep. But none… anywhere near… other people… since then. Don't want… to risk..happening again!'

"Kid, you'll be fine. I promise" Kanan soothes, trying to ease his Padawan's mind, "Let's just try for now to try and slow down your breathing.."

Ezra breathing only ratchets up even further. 'Are the others? Hera? Sabine. Are they all coming out here to get us?'

"Yes."

'You want to test assumption on lives!? They can't shield! Put! Me! Out! Kanan!'

Kanan complies then, sighing deeply even as he does so, well aware at this point that if he doesn't then Ezra's just going to make himself pass out for lack of air anyway. Then he shifts carefully into a seated lotus position again and gently tugs Ezra into recovery position on his side on the bench seat. Looking down at the deathly pale face, and grimacing at the blue tint that's the edging the younger man's lips.

'Well,' Kanan thinks to himself, a little wryly, as he reviews the past few minutes, waiting for the kid to regain consciousness, 'That had been the worst possible kind of 'interesting.'''

Thankfully it's not all that long really - maybe ten minutes or so, before Ezra's eyelids start twitching again. "Kriiiiiffffffff." He murmurs hoarsely after another moment or so, his eyes still clenched tight, his voice rough and distressed. "Where's the gundark who decided to play chicken with my karking sternum? Did I kill it?"

"It's in the cockpit at the moment, Kid. Hiding from rumors of possible psychic backlash." Kanan informs him very dryly, "Do you know where you are…do you remember what happened?"

Ezra's eyes blink open slowly. Then blink again as he registers his current location. "We were talking in one of my dreams before yes?"

Kanan grimaces. "Yes, yes we were, Ezra And then unfortunately you took some abrupt news that I told you… well, rather badly to be honest."

Ezra shudders hard, his eyes sliding shut again, his knees curling up to his chest instinctively in reaction. "Hera knows now." He mutters softly. "About the time travel I mean." Blue eyes slide open, suspiciously wet looking, "Force just be merciful, okay Master and next time try and warn me a little bit first before casually dropping that kind of bomb of information."

Kanan sighs softly, even as he nods his head, a little bemused. 'And again Kid - now who's actually being seriously melodramatic,' he really can't help but think, though he keeps the observation for the time being in his own head.

It takes Kanan a moment longer to realize though that all supposed melodrama aside, Ezra is literally trembling from his head to his toes in what looks a lot like essential tremor in reaction to the knowledge of Hera's awareness, though thank Force this time around at least there seems to be no change in the overall pattern of the teenager's breathing.

"...Ezra?" He murmurs, concerned, gently tugging the kid off the bench after a moment to make sure that the teenager's not going protest the action – Ezra doesn't - and then wrapping both of his arms tightly around the teenager, sending steady waves of calm and safety toward him. "What in the the...?"

"I knew that it was going to be coming, Kanan." Ezra manages to get out softly after a moment or so. "You two're practically joined at the hip, after all." The younger Jedi exhales heavily. "Still I really, *really* wasn't ready for it to be quite this soon. I thought that I'd have a little bit longer to prepare myself for it, time to brace for any impact. Which is important right now. Damn this day overall and my seriously kriffed up brain chemistry."

Kanan makes a sympathetic sound in reaction to that confession, then makes a mental note to avoid, if at all humanly possible, ever shocking Ezra with the news that he's been 'outed' like this again. Kanan doesn't really understand yet why the particular trigger exists in his padawan's head, but he can karking well try at least to respect and guard against reactivating it. His voice is soft when he finally speaks up again, "Hera - she's not mad at you Ezra. If that's what's got you tied up in knots right now."

"Yet, Kanan. Give her time to get over her shock and to work her way through all the implications of the past few weeks. Once she does an epic yell-fest is definitely coming."

Kanan sighs deeply, makes a mental note to try and have Ezra off ship if at all possible for said yell fest if he can't diffuse it outright through pre-planned conversations. "Kid, right now mostly Hera's more worried than anything else – about the both of us and how we're handling all of this really."

Ezra makes a twisted up, guilty face, "Yeah like that's supposed to be any more reassuring."

Kanan sighs yet again, "Look, Ezra - Hera handles challenges much better when she's not completely in the dark just waiting for the metaphorical tactical nuke to hit out of one of a dozen direction. I'm not saying she's happy with the situation – or that she won't need time to process, but she'll adapt – really. Kark, she's already adapting."

Ezra shrugs, "As I said, Kanan, I knew it couldn't be avoided. She was going to find out at some point. I just would have liked a little time to mentally prepare for it. As it is every time the truth has come out thus far in this timeline I've been either literally or metaphorically knocked backward on my ass."

Kanan sighs, "I understand, Kid. And I promise to keep that in mind for next time. That last thing that I want to do at this point Ezra, is needlessly heighten your current levels of stress. I know it's hard to get used to the idea of not being the only gatekeeper in terms of keeping your secret anymore." He pushes the teenager back just far enough to meet his eyes, "But now that all three of us are 'in the know' it'll so much get easier. You'll see."

"Four of us, Kanan. You can include Chopper, officially, on your list of those now 'in the know.'"

"Wait… Chopper already knows?! About the time travel I mean?!"

Ezra laughs hoarsely, the sound edging dangerously near to a giggle. "Chopper knew before anyone else did about the time-travel, Kanan! He figured it out quite awhile ago apparently, and only told me that he did when the two of us went shopping together in town yesterday. The little karking sadist dropped that particular truth bomb just as I was stepping off a curb and made me go ass over elbows. I still have karking scrapes from it on my knees."

"Chopper *knew?!*" Kanan emphasizes again this time more dangerously.

Ezra side-eyes him for a moment cautiously, before shrugging in a poor faxsimile or nonchalance. "Ehhh…It's technically probably more honest to say that Chop strongly *suspected* that I was somehow outside of my own original timeline, Kanan. He actually asked me for confirmation of the nearly ninety-five point something or other percent probability. Which I confirmed by landing pretty much on my face basically."

Kanan bares his teeth then, feeling the heat swell alarmingly in the center of his chest. "I swear to Force that the next time that I see him, that over-paid Databank is dead!"

Ezra half laughs, half shudders at that, squeezing Kanan's closer forearm comfortingly. "Oh come on now Master. To be fair, Chopper did help all of you corral me not long afterward, after helping himself to a couple hours of alcohol-assisted interrogation first." Ezra shrugs, apparently philosophical about the whole experience, "Granted I bought the booze in question all on my own, Kanan, and told him outright he could ask whatever he wanted and I'd answer as I thought was safe to do so. Which come to think of it is probably the real reason he decide to drive me out there himself. It was his excuse to dig and my excuse to start in on the Brandy early."

"Dead." Kanan growls out again, still fuming – at everything. "Dead, buried and then he goes to Hera. I am going to kriffing space him."

Not like it'll do Chopper any real harm. It'll still make Kanan feel better at least temporarily.

"Ah come on, Master, give Chop a break." Ezra soothes, "To be fair, he was being utterly logical about all of it, Kanan. He's a heuristic droid after all, and this whole situation is basically unheard of from his perspective. There aren't exactly protocols titled 'dealing safely with time travelers for dummies' in any of his programs."

Kanan tightens his arms around the teenager tighter, letting a hiss out through his teeth. "No there aren't, Ezra. Which is why Chopper should have come *directly* to Hera or I if he was really so far past the range of his day to day programming…"

Ezra shrugs his shoulders, still clearly refusing to judge harshly, "From the way he was talking about it constantly Kanan, I think that Chopper was genuinely concerned about creating possible paradoxes if he did or said the wrong thing, Kanan. Plus, I also get the distinct suspicion that he was genuinely enraptured just by the occurrence of such a novel situation. Not to even mention that I didn't bother to even attempt to lie to him when he confronted me earlier with the truth. Which he was able to confirm via his biometrics data. I guess he just decided because of that, that I was essentially trustworthy as a result Kanan."

"Trustworthy? You were a fourteen karking-year-old street kid with severe psychic trauma! Who'd just broken an oathed accord with Hera, purchased a bottle of booze that you were far too young to be drinking by any standard law on the books. Not to mention you apparently up and announced your intent at some point to rob an karking imperial transport hub!"

Ezra shrugs yet again, "Don't ask me to explain his logic tree regarding the subject, Master. The truth of the matter is that *I *officially stopped really giving a kriff about why he was doing any of it at about the same point that he threw a pair of handcrafted heirloom shot glasses at me and offered to take me out to the temple without me having to wait to liquor up. As we've both already acknowledged in previous conversations, one karking hell of a bad week for me at that point. My 'give a kark' at that time had been rather seriously busted.."

Kanan can't really come up with an appropriate verbal reply to that: he's too busy spluttering furiously in reaction. Ezra leaves him to it for a minute or two, before reaching out to pat Kanan a little awkwardly on the chest. "Deep breaths all right, Kanan? Getting this pissed off about all of it really can't be any good for your blood pressure, remember? Don't obsess about it so much. I mean it all worked out in the end..."

Now Kanan's look makes room for incredulity along with disbelief and anger. "Ezra do you have any idea at all how *badly* things could have gone for you under just slightly different circumstances? How badly Chopper keeping his own counsel actually risked your life? I'm pretty sure if he'd let you enter that temple alone the stress of a trial could have forced you into a mental breakdown or worse yet actually left you psychotic!"

Ezra shakes his head, shrugging a little. "No. I didn't know that. But do I understand waking up to the impossible Kanan, and having no kriffing clue what to do in response to any of it in reaction. This situation's nuts as kriff, Master and I figure Chopper has every bit as right to freak out figuring out how to deal with it as I initially had."

But no. That is not enough justification for Kanan. It's not. Not in the face of what was almost lost.

"No Ezra." He bites back in reply, "He didn't…still doesn't! Chopper had no right to a call that important completely alone and unassisted. Not when it could have ended up with you dead or in a thousand mental pieces. For Force sakes, Ezra, you're still only a minor, his top priority should have been your safety not kriffing information recognizance!"

Ezra shrugs. "Yeah well it's not as if Chopper'd really reasoned out those two statistical possibilities, as probable now had he, Kanan? You have to remember, Master that I'm still practically a stranger to him right now. We don't have four years of connections in his memory banks like existed between me and the Chopper from my timeline. He's not worried about me like he worries about the rest of you just yet." The teenage boy's voice is very frank, as he pushed his hair back from his face, "Remember his second major query train - following one to confirm I was a time traveler at all Kanan and how long I'd been here, was what were my intentions toward the rest of *his* family."

Kanan sighs, huffing in sheer exhausted exasperation, letting the topic shift for now at least. "Yeah, well I have to say I wouldn't mind hearing the answer to that one myself right now, Kid."

Ezra blinks up at the older man, a little dazed, and then he smiles up at his Master, almost tenderly. "Uhm…how much of my conversation with Hera did you guys actually hear when you all were out on the balcony, Kanan? I mean I just assumed that you all were essentially eavesdropping the whole time we were talking, and by that point, I'd already *told* Hera both my wants Kanan as well as my karking 'actual intentions'."

There's a short period of silence then, Kanan's forehead wrinkling for a moment as he thinks back to that moment, before he softly quotes back all but verbatim... "What is it that you *do* want, Ezra Bridger? Both from us in particular and just for your own life speaking generally?"

And Ezra once again speaks, his voice far more emotional now, if no less candid. "I want to trade up from my past as it was last the time around, Kanan, to something stronger and hopefully less destroyed and bloody. And along the way, Master, if I can I'd like to save as many of the people that I love as I possibly can."

It's such a simple statement really, if distinctly low on any specifics. On the hows and the whens and the wherefores. But as far as mission statements go, Kanan has to admit, Ezra hadn't been able to get more basic or bluntly honest than that in what he'd told Hera about his goals for the future. "That's it?" He asks him quietly, the anger slowly loosening in his chest.

"That's it." Ezra nods, and then he shrugs helplessly, "I don't really have anything more concrete, so far than that." His lips quirk wryly as he looks up. "I mean you guys never really stopped harassing me long enough for me to come up with anything more specific, or complex than that so far. And I don't have quite your genius, Kanan, when it comes to devising heat of the moment stratagems...much long term playbooks or stuff like that. I just…I want to try and make things better than they were Kanan, because it's hard to imagine I could make them any worse." Ezra whole body shudders hard at whatever memories are now in his head. "Well hard to imagine and frankly more than a little bit terrifying. What they did to all of our lives before the end, Kanan – not to mention and what they eventually did to my *planet.*" Ezra's whole body shudders hard once. "Look, I'll admit that I don't know much about temporal physics, Master. I mean kriff I like math, yes, and I'm good with fixing things that break down and at figuring out mechanical or electrical systems, but I'm also pretty sure that at this point in my life even after working HARD to catch up for almost two years that I could *barely* manage right now to pass basic educational competence exams. " Ezra snorts softly, shaking his head bemused, "To say nothing of knowing what to make of kriffing chronal variations."

Kanan sighs very deeply at that particular confession. "What you do know is pretty damn fantastic, Kid, considering how much actual schooling you never actually got to have. Your exposure to academia Ezra is not the same thing as your innate intelligence. Don't forget that."

"Maybe so, Kanan. Still, as much as I'm afraid that saying too much about the future or trying to chance it might have some serious consequences, I also can't just pretend right now that I can just sit back as a completely passive observer and do only what I did while watching the entire galaxy steadily fall back into sheer kark all over again by helping where and when I can. I mean I'd literally go nuts, Kanan. I really, truly would. I can't unknow what I do know from my previous time-stream any more than I can guarantee that any or all of it will actually repeat. I just …I don't know yet where, when or how to find a...well basically a balance. I mean in some ways things and people are already so kriffing changed already."

Ezra chuckles then softly. Wetly. Before finally continuing, "I mean…you guys all too… kriff, Kanan, I initially expected that ditching Specter Crew would be *easy!* You've all been literally regularly confusing the the kark out of me for the last few weeks ..."

"You expected that ditching us would be easy? Why?!" Kanan's eyebrow is climbing nearly to his hairline at that confession.

"Because I spent the better part of my first year on TheOtherGhost more than half afraid that you all were going to ditch me! Pretty much the exact moment that Hera finally decided that I'd outlived my overall usefulness! Or at least once you were sure I was no longer threat to the rest of your safeties initially! I mean seriously, Kanan: OtherZeb hated having to share his room with a roommate. OtherSabine mostly saw me as a perpetual if amusing pest. And though yes - OtherYou did initially offer me the chance to come on board for training in the ways of the Force - he dragged his feet initially for weeks in terms of actually teaching me anything! I knew full well those first couple of months aboard, that greater part of why I really got invited aboard was just to guarantee the group as a whole's greater security, and then later because you all finally realized that the skill set I had to contribute during missions was actually pretty handy!" '

Ezra shrugs a little, "All that considered I figured when I finally walked at the end of the Wookie mission that you all – and you in particular, Kanan - would be outright relieved to see me go, just so long as I could also prove to you if you thought it necessary that the Imperials wouldn't be able to grab or otherwise get any critical information about the rest of you guys out of me."

"Force, Kid!" Kanan mutters breathless. Because that whole confession is more than just a little horrifying. Had his other self actually heard about any of this from Ezra the first time around? Probably not, Kanan guesses rather grimly, since Ezra wouldn't have tried his strategy at all had any of the other Specters learned of and then 'aggressively corrected' his initial interpretations. "We wouldn't have ever…"

"Just dumped me like so many others had before you guys?" Ezra sighs softly "Yeah I figured eventually Kanan. But it didn't mean in the meantime that I wanted to be a burden on anyone, or kept around because of someone's fear or their pity. It took *time,* Master, last go-round I mean to really find my confidence and feel sure of my place with the team. After all you were all doing fine at least initially without me."

Kanan opens his mouth at that – prepared to say any number of things in reaction to that. Has Ezra really remained that unaware of his actual impact?! But the kid has just continued speaking, "Like I can only assume, that it's going to basically take me all over again. I mean I'm not the same person I was anymore, am I? And neither are any of you anymore really. So if I'm going to be staying on the Ghost with all of you, Kanan…"

"There is no 'if' involved in this, Ezra." Kanan informs him more than a little bit sternly.

"I know." Ezra waves the correction off, apparently well past that argument at this stage, "Since I'm going to be staying on then, I'm just saying that it's probably going to take us all awhile to find the right fit again Master, and for me to really get my feet back under me here in this time-stream." The dark haired teenager sighs, "It'll essentially be like finding square one and starting all over again."

"Is that why your panic kicked off so hard when I mentioned Hera knowing now, Ezra?" Kanan asks him softly, genuinely curious. Because Ezra's sudden panic attack had been more, mildly stated, then troubling.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know, I just….Argh!" Ezra shakes his head, helpless, apparently without adequate words. He goes silent for a long moment or two then, clearly trying to sort out how to provide explanation. "Look, Kanan. I don't really know any other way to explain this but bluntly. Right after OtherYou died in battle, Kanan? OtherHera suffered from an unexpected miscarriage at around twelve weeks along. She hadn't even realized apparently yet that she even *was* pregnant. Still the shock of finding out what had happened to you during that final battle as well as the rest of us just…"
Ezra shudders, "Force that on top of everything else, it was just, well a lot, okay? Unsurprisingly afterwards all of us were a mess at first." Ezra exhales and inhales several more time then before continuing. "And then to make it ten times harder, once she finally came out of her shock phase instead of really processing at least as far as I could see anyway, Hera just seemed to push on by hyper-focusing on both her never-ending work schedule and worse yet, Kanan – my personal medical recovery."

Ezra looks away then, his eyes glazing over, his expression going oddly distant. On the very edge, Kanan, suspects of full emotional disassociation, his mind trying desperately to protect itself from the pain still clearly associated with this conversation and it's memories. "And yes – I'll admit that I *wasn't* in the best state either physically or emotionally at the time, Kanan, and she had a right to be worried. I had some new prosthetic limbs that I needed time to really adapt to and our former link was unsurprisingly raw and broken after how you died. I had no idea about the Amalyn. They mostly just gave me morphine and sedatives. Neither which stopped the bad dreams. I was having trouble keep much food down, so I was losing some weight…probably too much really but…" Ezra shakes his head, "She'd still just lost both you Kanan, and you guys' *baby!*"

The younger man shudder yet again, before finally looking back at him directly again. "And it drove me kriffing nuts, okay?! Because all she seemed to want to talk about was how much I ate or slept, or I didn't - well that or she'd tell me about whatever mission she and Sabine and Chopper had been assigned to most recently by the fleet. Which I couldn't even help with yet because medical hadn't agreed to release me. I ended up checking out AMA eventually. And I know that this Hera isn't *that* Hera, Kanan but I still can't…." Ezra's voice cuts off cracking.

Force. Kark and Sith spit. Ezra still can't entirely separate the two Hera's in his own mind. Not effectively.

Which explains so much really, about how he's been treating Hera since they first met him here in this time stream. The twi'lek's alternating status between protected class and someone to be avoided at all costs lest Ezra get her upset or otherwise angry.

Hera was right, she isn't going to like it when she finds out what's been behind Ezra's current behavior toward her. Not in the slightest.

Force, Kanan wonders for a moment, breathless. How in kriff are you supposed to tell the woman that you love that she's currently being treated like a piece of sharp if fragile glass because of residual guilt and grief over the loss of a child that never even existed in this particular timeline. That her otherselve's natural reaction to his own death had harmed their living child incredibly badly instead of helped them work through their own grieving process in those first most crucial months following the loss of yet another.

How is anyone really supposed to react to a truth like that?

Not to even mention that if Kanan remembers some of he and Ezra previous conversations correctly, then Ezra actually said the other night during his initial confession that the last thing he really remembers from his originating timeline was a worried OtherSabine and OtherHera drugging the poor kid unconscious, probably in order to try and force Era to actually deal with his ongoing sleep deficit.

Because *yes,* he thinks, just a little bit grimy, Kanan can more than easily believe that a OtherHera – particularly one locked in her own initial period of grieving and still halfway in denial herself, hiding behind her work and simultaneously *terrified* that she was going to lose her son on top of everything else - would absolutely have done just that sort of thing if she believed that that she could safely get away with it.

Kriff it's no wonder that right some part of the Ezra's mind is reacting to Hera like she's one part literal paragon of virtue and one part terrible threat. OtherHera's half of the reason that Ezra's trapped in this dream that's not a dream. At least from one perspective. And that means she can maybe 'wake him up again.' The situation's probably wreaking literal havoc in the poor kid's already battered and terrified subconscious.

And as for Kanan's own actual Hera – who is currently dealing with the fallout of all of this without any real understanding as to why… What if anything does is Kanan supposed tell her about all or any of this? Because honestly Kanan doesn't know at this point if keeping his trap shut about these kind of details for any length of time will count as deliberately hiding thing or just as keeping secrets.

Kanan's probably going to have to meditate on that one for a bit as soon as possible. Not to mention…not to mention whole miscarriage bit. Because Force but right now Kanan's barely wrapping his mind around the flesh and blood actual teenager that he's just adopted who's standing currently in front of him. One who Kanan is already wise enough to know is already going to require one hell of a lot more than just basic provision food and clothing until his eighteenth majority. To say nothing of any future other kids.

The average human knight in the Temple usually reached that stage between ages twenty two and twenty four, after all. And that generally presupposed that all the pre-apprenticeship initiate training had already occurred. High potential force sensitives in particular tended to require more training, not less, from their masters. Not for any lack of learning capacity of their part but simply because they tended to be far more in need of extensive one on one attention to help them learn to cope with their greater statistical amounts of both force visions and empathy. Knighthood for them unless they were chosen early often was somewhere closer to twenty five or even twenty six.

Still, Kanan's mind just keeps circling back. Because the idea of him: Kanan Jarrus…bane of the creche. Natural arch nemesis of sleeping infants, who'd been banned from the nursery for apparently *smiling at the infants wrong* with a *baby* - sounds like an awful nightmare just waiting to happen.

Even if yes, he loves Hera, and that kid would be half Hera, half him.

Kanan quite honestly speaking, at least when he's actually let himself consider the topic at all, thinks that that he'd be a lot more open to the idea of parenthood in general if they at least issued you a walking, talking actual KID when you decided that you were ready to have one. A child who who was potty trained, had distinct personality already and could for the most part engage in fairly involving conversations. Not to mention kids that were old enough to avoid repeated requesting for days that the same song or book be partaken of over and Over and OVER again.

Ezra, who's still in Kanan's lap at present, suddenly lets out a helpless little giggle.

"What is it?" Kanan finally ripped by the sound out of his own mental whirl, glances down a little quizzically at him.

Ezra wheezes with laughter. "I'm sorry, Kanan. it's just…Force Master, if you could only see your face right now. It's classic look #28 horrified 'babies!' expression!"

Kanan shrugs a little in reply to that particular assessment. "I'm...Look…I'm not saying that I object to parenthood as a rule Ezra. And with Hera, yeah, maybe if she ever really slowed down a little and truly seemed to want it…but the truth of the matter, Ezra, is that I've only ever really been comfortable around either teens or older kids."

Ezra actually snorts in reply to that. "Oh I know that, Kanan, believe me. Who do you think that you kept passing the squallers off too on a regular basis those rare times when we did get stuck 'babysitting?!' I mean you're not scared of heights or Hera or even Inquisitors half of the time, Kanan Jarrus, but karking babies scare you to death!"

"I am too scared of Hera!" Kanan shoots back in automatic, emphatic protest. "Who the kark wouldn't be?!"

The fourteen-year-old in his arms starts to laugh even harder – until it's nearly convulsively. When he's finally calm again, several minutes later he wipes his eyes with his sleeve once again, "And on that note, Kanan. I need to get up, find something to drink and answer the call of nature. How long have we been asleep anyway? Do you know when we'll be back to the City?"

"I'd need to check the chronometer to be certain. In case you haven't noticed yet though Ezra, we're not even in the air anymore. The Ghost is coming to pick us up instead since Hera judged that you and I were both a little bit too overextended for her to want us flying the Phantom at the moment."

Ezra's brow wrinkles, "And we couldn't have just switched on the autopilot for a couple of hours instead while we slept and saved them the trip all the way out here?"

Kanan shrugs, "She's anxious to have us both of us where she can see us, Ezra. The Ghost can always outpace the Phantom in terms of upper altitude transit, which I'm sure that you're already aware. And its not like we both didn't benefit from the opportunity for sleep."

Ezra nods at that, glancing toward the door now almost instinctively. "So how long do we have anyway? Before she and the rest of the crew arrive?"

"Tough to call before seeing a chronometer. Probably only a couple more hours if that. Soon enough certainly that Chopper either better either hide really, really well before I get to him or maybe start running."

"Kanan…" Ezra sounds very patient and a just little bit exasperatedly. "Seriously, Master. He was doing the best he could so like…when you see him at least try and go a little easy."

"I get to be pissed at this point, Ezra if he needlessly endangered your safety. It is totally a Master's prerogative."

Ezra heaves one more sigh, resigned. "So, you say. Look Kanan, after I'm done hitting the head and getting a drink – and maybe finding a snack because I think I'm actually hungry – which is weird this soon, I think that I'd like to take some time to meditate now. Unless you have objection for some reason or there other things we need to be doing? Cause I'm certainly not going to be able to go back to sleep again after that little panic fueled bout of adrenaline that just clobbered me."

Kanan looks Ezra up and down critically for a moment, taking silent stalk of both his 'feel' and his overall appearance. Compared to how the kid had looked before he'd first fallen asleep, Ezra does look considerably better. Less like he's been recently hit by a kriffing speeder at least. Maybe all he'd really needed was a short nap to recharge and shut down his mind from its worrying for awhile. After all the most common symptom of psychic fatigue is usually physical exhaustion. Perhaps because it's much harder to overstimulate a mind that's already safely passed out in bed dancing with the sandman than is to wrangle a still conscious and conflicted mind.

"You looked pretty awful earlier, Ezra. Though you do look a bit better now. How's the pain in your head at the moment?"

"Down to a five or a six."

Which is a serious improvement really. Especially after Ezra's only had a single bollus of Amalyn. It'd taken three days of doses that last time around for Ezra to show that much improvement. Then again, now there's no longer ongoing psychic damage occurring doing to an unhealed psi-link.

"Meditation should be fine, Ezra. Kriff it's probably wise to help you ground yourself before the others get here. But Kid? With that kind of rapid turnover and improvement, you definitely need to go a couple more days on the meds at full strength again. Because this? Is how the Amalyn should have worked for you right from the beginning." Kanan purses his lips, unhappily, "I ought to have guessed there was something more than just the age of the wound or your level of potential that explained your slow recovery." Now that he looks back, Kanan's well aware there had actually been numerous hints.

Ezra shrugs, then snorts softly, finally pulling back completely from Kanan's hug and rising slowly to his feet from out of his Master's lap. "It wasn't your fault Kanan. You didn't know."

"I should have," Kanan mutters discontent.

Ezra snorts aloud, "How exactly?" He demands.

"I just should have known." Kanan grumbles back, "If nothing else I should have been faster at seeing the link. I still can't figure out why in the kark I actually didn't."

"Deflection? Misdirection? Annoying teenagers who liked to distract you with sniping?"

Kanan scowls a little at that. "That should have been normal for me, Ezra by at the latest day five or six of you regularly taking the IV Amalyn,"

Ezra snorts at that claim, "Kanan, there is nothing even vaguely normal about our current situation. I mean seriously Master. We could be living out one of those cheesy holodrama time travel sagas of yours that you always used to swear when I caught you reading them you're not actually a giant geeky fan of."

Kanan feels his face heat up a little. "Ah…so then I take it you already knew about that particular weakness of mine then?"

"Your obsession for trashy pulp fiction? Yes Kanan, I'm more then aware. Kark - I'd probably even share it with you outright if the Rebellion actually had a larger audiobook collection. Unfortunately, though in my case there are fare more limited options – mostly what I can find in the junk stalls, and Hera's occasional if generally enjoyable gifts - and a literal multitude of boring ass kriff from the Rebellion bases smaller collection that various people keep assuring me I'll love because they're the 'classics.'"

Kanan snorts, "I take it you've been less than impressed by the results of these recommendations?"

Ezra shrugs, "Oh I wouldn't say that entirely, Kanan. A few of them that I've found time to listen to have involved interesting characters or interesting overall situations. But I'm pretty kriffing sure that the fact they're from places I've never visited and about cultures I've barely even encountered means that I've missed a kark of a lot in terms of their overalll relevance."

"But you do enjoy books just on their own merit then?"

The teenager makes a face in reply "Less 'books' than 'learning' in whatever form I can happen to get it really. I prefer vids or other on the go medium like that that I can take with me if I'm honest. Usually if I'm actually sitting still Kanan, I'm either meditating or I'm about to be sleeping."

Kanan narrows his eyes at that yet again, considering everything that he's heard in the last few minutes and comparing it with some of the things he's read, and then he makes a mental note to also get Ezra checked for Dyslexia when as well Hepatitis the next time that they visit the clinic.

Because yes, it seems a little ridiculous to imagine OtherHim and OtherHera could have missed something that big for four years, but still... There had been a war on. They had apparently been very, very busy. Ezra has already provably admitted on more than one occasion to not liking to bug other people with 'his' perceived problems. Not to mention that a lot, Kanan figures might have been easy to simply blame on the Kid's obvious 'learning by survival,' 'Loth-Rat U' education.

Kanan'll still feel like a literal moron even so if they don't at least attempt to rule out the potentially obvious on a second go round.

After all, He may be Kanan Jarrus, just like Ezra's old Master, yes - but as the teenager has always repeatedly admitted, that doesn't mean they had to be completely identical people who have the same exact priorities or make the same choices.

If Kanan's otherself had made some mistakes, had displayed a little short sightedness on occasion that his Padawan was now copping to, even if that confession wasn't exactly deliberate? Well then 'Thank you for your mistakes, there, Buddy. I swear I'll do my best to try and learn from them.'

So Kanan nods, "Go ahead and do what you need to in the fresher, Ezra. I'll go and check what's available in terms of food and drink right now for both of us. You're not the only one who's hungry actually. It's not like it's a bad thing to refuel. After that's done though if you want to go solo and meditate till the others arrive Kid, then no, of course I have no real objection."

Ezra nods. "I'll be back out in a just a couple of minutes then."

Then Kanan's Padawan turns and heads toward the fresher at a near ambling pace, his mindscape at ease. His whole body content and apparently compliant. Apparently at peace in his quiet and easy obedience.

Kanan wonders, as he watches the younger man go, how long it's going to take him to not find that behavior in Ezra both high unusual and highly, highly suspicious after their initial four weeks together. The thought is enough to makes him chuckle a little bit wryly.

'Don't be so paranoid, you cranky old grump,' His own mental critic shoots back at him, then 'Ever heard of the eye of the storm, Jarrus? This is probably just it. Give the damn kid a couple days or weeks to fully recover and get more comfortable concerning his place and I practically guarantee you that he'll go back to giving your heart attacks on a semi regular basis. He is after all, still ultimately him.

That thought is enough to make Kanan relax and grin just a little bit more broadly. Because after all if this new normal with Ezra isn't the old normal, for as short as a time as Kanan'd really had to get used to it, he really doesn't think that he'll end up complaining much about the difference.

They've had a meeting of the minds of sorts. They're both on mostly stable emotional footing. And even if some of the talks with the others still to come may turn him grey one strand at a time at least Kanan knows for certain at this point that he won't go completely bald eventually thanks to the damn kid.

Chapter 15: New Beginnings

.

Kanan's well aware of how nervous Ezra is about reuniting with the others again. Even after the teenager spends over two hours before the rest of the Specters arrive in meditation, trying mostly unsuccessfully to release that anxiety into the Force. After which the teenager wanders out of the Phantom with his day-pack still on his back, a bottle of sports drink in one of his hands and his data-pad in the other, in order to watch the twin moons unveil the start of another glorious sunset.

He plops down in the grass, leaving his bag a foot or so to his left as he cues on an audio-book, smirking all the while at a litter of nearby tussling feral loth-cat kits. Two of which he's easily able to lure close enough with soft words and a little bit of his gift for connection to sniff at the tips of his fingerstips cautiously.

At least until Ezra produces a strip of meat jerky from his daypack, anyway. After which the entire set of fur-balls suddenly rapidly descends, mewling repeatedly and insistently mobbing his lap, all trying to climb over each other in order to get to their fair share of the treat that he's offering.

Kanan, more than a little bemused by the entire progression of events, comes out to keep him company as well, then. Sitting down for a while and enjoying both the animals themselves as well as the humor of the situation and the distraction of their presence. Though he does wonder for a bit as well where the youngsters' mother has gotten off to. Ezra meanwhile, ends up flopped out on his back in the grass after several laughter filled minutes, and perhaps because of the soothing nature of his companion's presence, he ends up dozing off yet again.

Eventually, Kanan hears the low hum of the Ghost's main engines out in the distance, at which point the older Jedi gently removes a sleeping kitten from his own lap and stretches, rising to his feet to go and greet them. Ezra surprisingly remains soundly asleep, one kit cuddled up in the curve of his neck, another two on his chest, and a fourth curled up possessively by his left hip. The whole lot of them are all dozing now, furiously purring.

When the Ghost's disembarkation ramp finally lowers, just a couple minutes later, Hera is the first one out of the ship, followed directly by Sabine and then Chopper, whom Kanan notes with a small dangerous smile is trying – albeit subtlety - to keep his distance. Wise droid, he can't quite help thinking.

Zeb is the last to leave the Ghost, the large Lasat strolling down off of the ramp with a kind of casual ease and disinterest that lasts precisely as long as it takes for him to notice Ezra and his fan club still in the grass. At which point he breaks into a broad grin and gestures in Ezra's direction with a thrust of his head. "Looks like Bridger's got his own little mutual admiration society going on over there at the moment?"

Kanan smiles nodding, his own tone is clearly bemused "Yes. It seems as though Ezra has a quite the natural talent for connection. He seems to find his small friends calming. And though he's better than he was last week, he's still recuperating from his psychic injuries. He's likely to pass out sporadically on and off for another week or so at least."

"I see that during your little 'talk' he managed to break your nose." The comment comes from Sabine who is looking Kanan critically up and down, as if composing some kind of grievances list.

Kanan shrugs. "Yes Sabine, he did. But he and I have already buried the hatchet concerning that particular subject. As he would put it, we're 'Bygones' in terms of our 'conversation' last night. So please don't think if you're winding up to give Ezra a bunch of kriff about anything that's happened over the past day or so that you're doing so at my bequest or to my benefit."

Sabine snorts aloud. "So what? He's just off the hook for running off the way he did then?"

"No, Sabine. There have been and there will be consequences. Some you'll no doubt see in action in the days still ahead and some that frankly speaking are none of your business. But Sabine, for the record you don't know everything that was driving Ezra, and frankly? Neither did I when I first caught up to him yesterday. His choices may have been questionable, but his motives have always been good -he was doing what he thought was the right thing, even if his choices were short sighted sometimes and more than a little bit personally self-destructive. Given that fact, guys, the word of the month is going to be 'mercy' for the time being. Ezra doesn't need any more ass kicking. He needs a mostly blank slate to at least try and start over again at least figuratively."

The Mandalorian snorts softly. "Okay. Sure. If you say so, Kanan."

Kanan frowns at her slightly. "I mean it, Sabine, so please take me seriously. Yes, Ezra screwed up and he knows it - he's said so and apologized to me about it all repeatedly. I'm guessing that with no prodding from me whatsoever, he's about to do pretty much the same thing to Hera when he sees her as well because he also knows that he broke his word and wants to make amends We're looking for second chances at this point Sabine, not the taking of any more retributory pounds of flesh. Ezra's suffered enough as it is recently thanks to everything thats happened without us making it worse by holding unnecessary grudges and making him miserable on a near constant basis. Especially since at this point, I can now *guarantee* that he will be staying with us indefinitely. We actually formed a training bond last night as well as had a meeting of the minds, for lack of a better way to put it." Kanan turns a small smile toward Hera then. "Congratulations, officially I guess. You now have yourself a permanent Specter Six."

"Damn right we do." Hera smiles back, then she pauses, lips twitching. "Look Kanan I promise you that won't yell at him or anything but he and I do have a little unfinished business to cover considering his little round of deal breaking…nothing cruel though or anything particularly unfair or unexpected though – that I plan to address when I see him next. Now otherwise how is he doing just generally mentally and physically for the record?"

"He's anxious. Embarrassed. And despite his best intentions guys, he still burns out really, really fast. Both mentally and physically too - especially in emotionally charged situations. That's not abnormal at all – it's just a side effect of everything he's already been through as well as one of the effects of our new training link. It'll get better gradually as things settle in, i promise you that. In the meantime, though," Kanan shrugs, "Look I'm not saying that you all can't have serious talks with him when it's situationally appropriate, but at least do your best to try and stagger them out a little, okay? Don't gang up on him deliberately or you'll probably push him into collapsing. And for Force's sake be selective in picking your battles when it comes to starting actual conflicts. Think of this all as him have the psychic equivalent right now of a bunch of broken ribs."

Sabine purses her lips still looking a bit unhappy, but she nods at him in understanding, Hera tilts her own head knowingly at him – the look in her eyes clearly promising additional looming conversation. Which Kanan had already been expecting for a while now honestly. Their short chat over the comms earlier this morning before he and Ezra had both passed out for a few hours had certainly been important yes, but it had also been anything but Hera's definition of 'necessarily comprehensive.'

Zeb snorts softly at Kanan's advice, with a shrug of his shoulders, "I hear you Kanan, and it's not a problem at all from my perspective. All of us have needed fresh starts from time to time in our lives. Only seems fair that the kid gets a chance at the same. Besides, he'd have'ta voluntarily be in the same room with me on a regular basis for me to even be able to pick a fight with the kid. And good luck for any of us managing that at the moment. I know it's going to be awkward for while all of us are sorting out just what the new normal around here's actually going to be."

"Good," Kanan says, smiling at the larger Lasat as he reaches out to put a grateful hand on the other male's shoulder. "I'm glad to hear that, Zeb. Because Ezra's willing, more than willing really, to try and start over at this point, but he's still more than a little off balance. And on top of that guys, it also looks like he's quite possibly also physically sick as well in a way none of us have been aware of." His eyes shift to look over at Hera. "Which is why our first priority after this conversation is over is going to have to be locating a planet off of Lothal with a decent, affordable medical clinic."

Hera shakes her head. "Wait a minute - he's actively *sick* now Kanan?" Her eyes widen a little in alarm. "You didn't mention this to me earlier… When did this…"

"He just mentioned the issue over the past hour or so. Don't panic the issue in question's chronic Hera, and non-contagious. It's serious but not exactly life-threatening – or at least I'm ninety-nine percent sure that's the case. Which doesn't change the fact that Ezra's still lived on the street for over seven years now without proper medical care and he's going to need to be to have a checkup as soon as we manage it even if it means tapping our emergency fund for the time being in order to make it happen."

"Of course, Kanan. We're actually doing fine there right now. And we can start taking jobs pretty much immediately after Ezra gets treated. Unless you object for some reason Love, I figure that we can just go to Gorse." Hera says after less than half a moment of silent debate, "I can think of a couple reliable as well as fairly priced places that he can get checked over while we're there, and the work options in that system are always plentiful. So are we all ready to actually go then?"

Kanan glances back over his shoulder at the teenager still asleep in the grass, his lips quirking upward a little bit. "As soon as Ezra wakes up and can extract himself from his fuzzy fanclub, yes. Which may be more of a challenge than you'd probably think, Hera. He's got himself some very ardent furry supporters at the moment."

Zeb snorts at that word choice. "Well come on then. Let's go wake 'em up" He gestures with a hand. "Though actually, it looks to me like Chopper's going to beat us to it if we don't hurry up and join him." And he and Sabine walk toward the teenager still sprawled out asleep in the grass.

Kanan's eyes turn to Ezra's location then, his eyes narrowing slightly as he sees Chopper coming to a stop just at the end of Ezra's outstretched legs. He hadn't consciously registered the way that the droid had snuck past him from the ramp of the Ghost while he and the others were lost in conversation. One thing is for sure though, once they all get on board and he's got Ezra settled somewhere to sleep for the night – probably Medbay again until they can figure out the issue of permanent quartering - he and Chopper are absolutely due a very important chat. One for which Hera had also better be present now that Kanan really thinks about it.

He turns his eyes to his lover, thrn, "Have you had it out with Chopper about everything that's happened yet Hera?"

Hera sighs, rubbing at her left lek, "We've started, but we definitely haven't ended that particular little 'talk' yet – why Kanan?"

"Because I'm going to be joining the fray there in spades pretty much as soon as I can get Ezra set up in Medlab with another bolster of Amalyn back on ship. He's going back to taking bolsters for a few days, by the way, Hera, because it's finally working the way its meant to and doing a hell of a lot more good now that he's not taking constant new damage from resisting the restoration of the training link. But Hera…I also have some new information for you that Ezra made me aware during one of our most recent talk that you are definitely going to want to know concerning what catalyzed all of this."

"what exactly?"

"The fact that Chopper apparently became aware of a few of the secrets that Ezra's been keeping well before you or I did. He *knows* Hera. He's possibly known for days or weeks now."

Hera's eyes widen hugely then narrow again at that particular announcement. "You mean about the…?"

"Yes. And right now I am seriously ready in my darker moments to space him."

He knows about the time travel," Hera says yet again, partly in genuine shock partly for absolute clarification.

Yes Hera. He started suspecting before any of the rest of us and apparently, he clued Ezra into the fact that he was aware when the two of them went to the electronics market after Ezra fled yesterday morning. At which point Chopper saw Ezra buy a bottle of Brandy at the stands, bought him a pair of matching shot glasses as a gesture of apparent solidarity and then offered to drive on the way out to the temple when Ezra predictably announced his impulsive intent to carjack. Most likely so that while Ezra was intoxicated Chopper could further interrogate him about his ongoing situation."

Hera swears in Ryl, expansively. "He what?!"

"He aided and abetted Ezra's whole scheme in order to probe him for more information, Hera. Then apparently decided after a few hours of drilling Ezra that that he'd finally learned enough and it was time to bring us into the loop as well, for whatever reason. Which is when he ditched the rest of Ezra's booze out of their transport on the off chance that we wouldn't find out what he'd actually done and switched back on his locator beacon so that we could finally find them."

Hera curses again, scowling deeply, "Okay yeah, he just lost a heck of a lot more than his regular allowance for a while, then. I swear to the Little Gods Kanan, I am going to kriffing murder him. Or at least take away his electro-prod for a couple weeks or something."

Kanan snorts. "Yeah well, you're going to have to get behind me for that particular privilege right now, Hera. You really have no idea how close Ezra came last night to completely mentally breaking under all the stress. If I'd had any clue at all what was truly driving Ezra's behavior all this time I'd have approached the entire situation from an entirely different angle. Force Hera! Just my asking Ezra in jest if he was a time traveler probably would have likely been more than enough to completely push him past the edge, or at least tha'ts what I'm guessing. We would never have had to wind him up the way we did for so long, much less lay an actual kriffing finger on him to cause the needed emotional break…"

Hera sighs softly in response to that, reaching out to squeeze her lover's arm gently. "You did the best that you could at the time, Kanan. Don't beat yourself up...especially if as you say Ezra's already forgiven your fight."

"Yes for what I knew. With unnecessarily poor information. Kriff Hera, I've even apologized since then directly, not that Ezra even seems all that upset by it. He's too karking relieved to be able to stop hiding by literally any means. The kid's been through so much already, though Hera, he should not have had to endure me tearing into him like that, though. Even if he's apparently far less angry about what's happened right now than I am. Now if you'll excuse me…" He gestures back over to Ezra and the astromech. "Under the current circumstances, Hera, I'm more than a little a bit concerned about leaving those two together and unsupervised at the moment for any length of time. Ezra may be ready to declare galaxy wide bygones but I'm not feeling quite as generous about things as they stand at present. Chopper's about to be in the proverbial doghouse for a very long time at least where I am concerned because of what happenef. Whereas Ezra, for the record Hera, is just grounded for the time being. Mostly because I want him sticking close for now until things have had a chance to settle down and reach some kind of new homeostasis." Kanan snorts softly, "He's not even fighting me on the subject since I told him that Hera. Which probably means he knows that he deserves it. For now at least. We'll see as the days drag on if he becomes any less compliant or unresistant about the whole situation."

Hera nods. "Noted, Love. Please make sure to let me know later what the specific terms of that grounding actually are, Kanan. In the meantime, it's probably time for me to finally go over there myself and re-say 'hello'. Does he know that I know about the time travel yet?"

Kanan winces, then nods emphatically. "That would be a definite yes, Hera."

Her eyes narrow at him. "Is there some kind of problem?"

"Sort of – look, when I told him that I'd told you the truth Hera, the kid had a full-fledged panic attack."

Hera winces. "Do you know why? Was it something specific Kan or just generally too much unresolved stress - too much too fast essentially?"

"Some of both I suspect. We can talk about it more later on tonight if you're feeling up for it."

"I should be. Though I may need a short nap first."

"For now, just know that in addition to what I told Sabine and Zeb earlier Hera, that Ezra's not going to be looking for conflict, but that doesn't mean we're not still going to have some potential issues for a while. He's going to bear some careful watching for a couple weeks at minimum. Not because I expect him to openly rebel all that much – well about most things anyway. He genuinely seems relieved to have someone to lean on and look to again. He's just prone to moments of severe irrationality after everything that he's been through. What he logically knows and what he feels right now are two very, very different types of animals and he can be very unpredictable from moment to moment in terms of whether or not his head or his heart is making the necessary decisions."

Hera smiles softly, "Isn't that true Kanan, of most adolescents?"

"Yes. For the most part. But as we already know when Ezra in particular goes off the rails his impulsivity goes up by a factor of at least five of ten. He doesn't think he just reacts. Especially if he's under severe pressure or strain like he was after a week of us all pushing and him and him having no real way to vent."

"Understood. Well come on then, Love, let's go get him."

Looking over again, Kanan can see that Ezra, Sabine and Zeb are all sitting in the grass now. Zeb with a puffed up dark grey mottled loth-kit in front of him, hissing. Sabine with a piece of jerky in one hand, a black loth kitten on one knee and a reluctantly amused expression on her face. Ezra still has a tiny white and grey sleeping loth cat curled up again the curve of his hip. He waves a little at Hera. "Hey," he murmurs his face a potent mixture of sheepishness and uncertainty. "Long time no see, Hera."

Hera looks down at him for a long silent moment, her jaw twitching. She looks at him a moment, then rubs the base of her left Lek for a moment, before finally speaking.

"Chopper, Zeb, Sabine, can you please give me, Kanan and Ezra a couple of moments alone?"

Zeb huffs a little grunt at that. "No problem." He glances at the loth kit still puffed up like an oversized ball of cotton on the ground, "Wasn't exactly making friends with this one anyway,"

Sabine also nods without real comment, gently setting her new friend on the ground without a word, rising to her feet and walking with Zeb back toward the ship. Chopper for his own part, gives a short collection of whirs and beeps, looking from Hera to Ezra to Kanan, then back to Hera with obvious question – clearly inquiring if he is also to be invited to be in this little conversation. Hera presses her lips together tightly, crosses her arms over her chest and then shakes her head.

"No Chop. This is between me and Ezra and Kanan at the moment. I know that you know the truth as well but your timing on sharing that information has been less than what I'd call convenient. Which we will be talking about in detail later. In the meantime why don't you help out by going and redocking the Phantom for me please, so we can leave as quickly as possible once we're done with this conversation."

Ezra doesn't say anything but from his spot still sitting silently in the grass, Kanan doesn't miss the way the teenager winces empathetically at the droid's clear dismissal by his captain.

The astromech, for his own part, beeps out a grumpy objection, but then turns to do as she asks. Hera waits until he's departed then looks back down at the teenager still in the grass, whose lap is still full of kittens. He doesn't even attempt to meet Hera's gaze for now – his eyes very deliberately locked firmly on the animals. His hands have started tremoring again, albeit so slightly that most people probably wouldn't even see it. Hera probably does. Kanan, for his own part, can also feel the storm of mental chaos that is currently building behind the kid's shielding. He flails around for a moment or so, helpless, looking for something to help break the tension.

Hera beats him to it though, - her voice calm but soft when she finally speaks. "Ezra put down your friends and stand up please."

The teenager immediately complies, gently uprooting his passengers one by one and setting them on the grass one by one, before rising, his eyes still deliberately downcast. The teenager's whole body starts in shock when a moment later Hera steps forward and fiercely hugs him. Hard enough at first, that Ezra actually grunts softly at the contact. Then Hera's pulling back from Ezra again, scowling gently, her hands coming up to grip Ezra's shoulders and shake him, just once. "You broke our deal, Ezra. Not too mentioned scared the kark out of mr."

"Yes. I did Hera, and I'm sorry about that." Ezra shifts on his feet awkwardly.

"You better be, because Twi'lek have infamously long memories. Do that again and you will not like the consequences, Ezra. At all. I have yet to meet anyone who likes sanitation system maintenence."

"As I said Hera, I'm sorry. I understand."

"All right then." Hera lets her hands drop then. "Look I'm not going to belabor the subject anymore than that. You're not an idiot. I also know that you and Kanan have been talking about everything extensively since he caught up to you and Chopper. Not to mention all three of us know that there have been…extenuating circumstances making everything all that much harder for you to manage. Now that the cat's out of the bag though Ezra may I also assume that you're done with any further games as much as humanly possible? Though yes, I do know that there are going to be times when everything is going to get, well frankly speaking, just complicated. Which is why I want you to promise me right now that with no exceptions you'll just come and talk to Kanan or I when ever you start cracking under the pressure."

"I'll try, Hera. I promise."

"Then that's all I can really ask for at the moment. Though on the subject of your 'ditch out' as I think we should call it, Ezra, right now I think that it's only fair that you still honor the work that you promise to do for me on the Ghost whether I'm taking you anywhere afterward or not. Just consider it the current cancel fee for breaking our earlier bargain."

"Also agreed," Ezra repeats instantly, his voice soft but calm, his face open, if still distinctly sheepish. "As I said before, Hera I'm really, really sorry about things over the past couple of weeks…I just…well it's been."

"I can well imagine, Ezra. And for the most part you're already forgiven. Though that forgiveness doesn't really change the fact that, for now at least, your word is currently very weak currency with me. You're going to have to work some at re-gaining lost trust in the weeks to come, even under all the extenuating circumstances."

Ezra nods his head once again. "Like I just said I understand completely, Hera. I know I more then have it coming. And it's not like I'm going anywhere for a while at this point am I? I can take whatever time it requires to earn your confidence back."

"I'm sure that you eventually will." Hera says with a small smile, "Look, Kanan said that he and you have already sorted out other consequences for what's happened up until now as well. Other than what I just mentioned about the ship work I'm content to let things stand as discussed... at least from my end of things." She glances at Kanan, "Unless you have any objections Love, to Ezra finishing up the tasks he agreed to do for me earlier for some reason and want the issue handled differently?"

"No objections at all, Hera, just so long as you can accept that Ezra will need to Ezra prioritize said work *after* his regular meditation, his weekly academic studies and his regular daily Jedi drilling and training. Oh, and while he's still recovering he can't do the work at the sacrifice of needed recuperative sleep. Which mean that said list of chores could take a while to get through, Hera...definitely more than just two weeks like originally agreed if Ezra's going to heal as well as meet his other scheduled commitments.

Hera shrugs. "That's not a problem. Like Ezra said, we've got plenty time. I'm even willing to set up a weekly work schedule so that it doesn't take up all of his free time either. There is such a thing as balance after all." She looks back at Ezra, crossing her arms over her chest to study him "Now what's this that Kanan mentioned earlier about you possibly being sick or something at present?"

Ezra winces and draws in a deep breath. Kanan knows the boy had hoped to let Kanan be the one to completely handle this particular conversation if possible. He reaches up to rub the back of his neck. "Uhm...okay...two years from now Hera, in my old timeline at least, I had some blood work done because of an anomaly they found during my flight physical when I was flying with one of the Rebellion Fighter Squadrons. It turns out that I have apparently contracted one of the local strains of Hepatitis. I don't really remember which variant, i'm sorry." He pauses and then bursts out with more words in a hurried awkward rush. "You don't have to worry about it all that much right now, Hera…I mean I can't give it to anyone who got the standard recommend inoculations. And Lasat's can't catch this strain at all so you're all safe. I mean it shouldn't…."

"Ezra." Hera cuts the stream of words off instantly. "I'm not worried about the others right now okay? I'm worried about your own health. How in kriff did you end up contracting…?" She tilts her head, chewing her lips for a moment. "Were you allergic to the inoculations for some reason when you were younger? Or did your folks have religious objection to them?"

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders a little helplessly. "Not sure, Hera. I mean I don't think so, anyway. I know I was sick for a while as a baby but then I was prettu premature and it took me awhile because of that to hit growth standard. Not only that but there was a vaccine shortage for awhile after the Empire rose of a couple of the childhood boosters on Lothol. I remember that my parents were still trying to get me caught up before they were taken by the Bucketheads, and afterward well…" He shrugs, distinctly noncomittally. "They didn't exactly offer childhood booster shots at the under the table places that I visited when i could afford it Hera when I was living on the streets. Ad even if they had i didn't exactly have the creds to afford it."

"So it's been awhile since you've had any real basic precautionary medical care then?"

"Other than visiting one of the local chop shop placed when I needed help setting broken bones or couldn't reach in order to put in needed stitches? No medical stuff at all since before my seventh birthday, truthfully."

Hera stares at him for a moment, her face horrified and her mouth widely agape by the impromptu confession, and then she shakes her head a little and once again resumes speaking.

"Well all right then…it is definitely decided. We are going to leave Lothal just as soon as we can possibly manage it – we'll go to Gorse for a bit instead- both to pick up some new jobs and to get you properly examined and as necessary, Ezra treated. "

"All right." Ezra chews his lip for a moment, clearly thinking.

Hera meanwhile is still speaking, "Ezra is there anything in your tower right now that you would urgently need to get to take with you when we leave, or things you need to get out tucked of sight?"

"No. Well, at least not really. Though it might be a good idea now that I really think about it to take my speeder along. It needs a couple of repairs sure, yeah, but I can probably get the parts that I need to fix it next time we go to the market – especially on a planet as big as Gorse. Once it's fixed up then they'll be no need for doubled up riding anymore."

Hera nods, "Fine. Then we go back to the tower for now, crash for the night, grab whatever we need from there first thing in the morning and hopefully leave orbit by lunchtime at the very very latest."

Ezra opens his mouth then closes it. Opens it again uncertain.

"Is there a problem?" Kanan asks him after a moment. Puzzled by his Padawan's clearly conflicted expression.

"Sort of. Maybe...Guys...Can we…do you think that we can be back here on Lothal in another five or six weeks do you think?"

Hera blinks at him. "Why?"

Ezra seems to debate with himself silently for a moment or so before shrugging his shoulders in response and just speaking very frankly. "Because I have a couple of old friends named the Sumars who are going to need some assistance at that point that I helped provide them the last time around when their farm was taken away by the empire and they got arrested. If we don't come back by then and I don't help them out like before then they're probably going to end up interned in one of the camps, and I really, really don't want to have to come back and bust them out of a literal Imperial Prison Camp or something instead. For one thing i am guessing that it'd be much, much more labor intensive."

Hera blinks at this. "And you know this is going to be an issue how again…?"

Ezra raises a brow at her. "Time traveler Hera, remember? Who do you think busted them out of their prison transport the last time around? Well me and Zeb did it together anyway." Ezra's eyebrows knot up. "Though admittedly I'm going to have to figure out an entirely different way to go about doing it this time around, since I probably won't exactly be in possession of a stolen tie fighter when that day comes– or so I assume anyway."

"Possession of a what?!" Hera squeaks out then gaping.

Ezra waves a supremely uncaring hand at her in response, "Look don't worry about it Hera. It'll inevitably go differently this time around in terms of the specifics. Just…can we please be back here in about six weeks? Because I really, *really* don't want to have to plan some kind of a jailbreak."

Hera's right lek starts twitching in agitation. She glances over at Kanan who can't help but smile back a little helplessly in reply. "Welcome to the ride.'" He murmurs wryly, "And apparently, to our lives in general from now on now that we know. Ever since I found out the truth, he's been dropping these lovely little tidbits of his about his old life at least once or twice a day."

Ezra looks vaguely affronted at this comment. "Hey!" He protests. "She's the one who said that I was supposed to come to you guys with these sort of things!"

"Yes. I did." Hera allows, her hand reaching up to rub at the back of her neck, still blinking. "Though I hadn't realized quite how far down the rabbit I would shortly be falling when I made that particular request. Look, Ezra, I'm not saying no or yes right now, because obviously, these people are clearly very important to you…"

"Yes they are. As well as to the growing Lotholian resistance, Hera."

"All right then. That all acknowledged, Ezra, we obviously aren't going to be doing anything without further information." She eyes him skeptically for a moment. "You and Zeb actually stole an Imperial Tie Fighter and used it in a prisoner liberation?"

"Yes. And then kept it parked somewhere secretly afterwards out on the outskirts. Boy were you ever pissed too when you found out what we'd done down the line, but then to be fair, Hera, later on, the thing became crucial to all of us saving Kanan's eventual bacon. So, as I like to put it Bygones?"

Kanan glares at him a minute, crossing his arms. "You know, I'm starting to seriously worry about your particular use of that word, Kid."

Ezra shrugs spreading his arms wide. "Hey, I'm just calling it like it will probably be, Kanan, as opposed to how it currently is." Then he picks up the smallest of the Loth kits who is currently attempting to scale up his pants leg, still mewling. "So, Hera…they're almost ready to be weaned judging by how they were eating the jerky I had on hand earlier and this one in particular appears to have an active eye infection that looks pretty serious to speak frankly. It's in need of antibiotics quite frankly. I know that OtherYou has mentioned before that the Ghost has had vermin after stops at some ports on other planets including Gorse if I recall correct. That fact considered, If I do all the care and clean up until he's healed up, what exactly is your standing on temporary pets that look like they might be naturally born mousers on ship? Just until I can get Squawk here well with the help of some meds and then teach him how to hunt for himself out in the wild again?"