With Great Power Comes A Great Paycheck, Benefits, Dental, And A 401(K)

Author's note: this isn't really an "Iron Man" story per se. I just had a few ideas about how things might really play out in a world with superhumans, and needed someone like Tony Stark as a sounding board to bounce my ideas off.

Tony Stark glared at his desk. CEO, superhero – he still had way, way too much paperwork to wade through. Not even the gift of being a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist excused him from the tedium.

A glinting off to the side caught his eye. A silvery envelope that he swore hadn't been there a few minutes ago was sitting on the edge of his desk. He picked it up, and watched as it dissolved into thin air at his touch, dropping a small piece of paper onto his desk. He picked it up and unfolded it.

Dear Mr. Stark:

I represent a small group of people with unique and special gifts, skills, knowledge, and abilities. We would greatly appreciate a meeting to discuss matters of mutual concern and profit. Please contact me at the below email address at your convenience.

Tony snorted and crumpled up the paper before tossing it into the trash. He didn't have time for this kind of crap.

Half an hour later, another silvery envelope caught his eye. Once again it vaporized at his touch, dropping a second note.

Dear Mr. Stark:

I and my associates would tremendously appreciate an opportunity to discuss matters of mutual interest and benefit with you or, if you prefer, a representative. We anticipate that we would need no more than 30 minutes, and can be at a time and place of your choosing. My email address is below.

The second note joined the first in the trash.

Another half an hour passed, and a third note appeared.

Dear Mr. Stark:

We would be very grateful if you could spare a half hour of either your time or the time of a representative you trust to discuss a matter that could have grave consequences for the world, in addition to being a tremendous opportunity for profit both for you and ourselves. Please contact me at the email below.

Tony sighed. It looked like this correspondent wasn't going to give up any time soon, and the novelty of the vanishing envelopes had lost its entertainment value. He fired off a a quick response:

Be at the west entrance of Stark International's Long Island facility at 2:00 on Thursday afternoon. You will have 30 minutes to persuade me that you are not wasting my time.

Tony glanced at the clock as the rather nondescript man was led into his office. 3:15 – the stranger had put up with over an hour of delay and runarounds before being let in to see Tony (a delay Tony had deliberately engineered). That, plus the deliberately humiliating screening process, indicated that this was fairly important to the guy. Tony took out a timer and set it for 25 minutes.

"OK, you've got half an hour. Make your point, and make it quick."

The guest smiled at the short timer. "Mr. Stark, my name is Xander Bell" – Tony snorted at the obviously fake name – "and as I said, I represent a group of people of unique abilities, skills, and knowledge. In brief, we are the sort of people who have traditionally become low-level heroes and villains, and occasionally henchmen. And we have decided that we don't find that career path appealing. Instead, we think we'd rather work for you."

Tony scowled. "So, to keep you from becoming low-level thugs, I should pay you to stay on the straight and narrow. Well, Mr. Bell, thank you for wasting my time."

Bell smiled. "Mr. Stark, blackmail was the furthest thing from our minds. As I said, we think that this could be a mutually beneficial relationship, quite profitable to both sides. May I continue?"

Tony settled back. He still thought this was going to be a sophisticated shakedown, but he'd already written off the time.

"Think back to the early days of superheroes, Mr. Stark. Think of the early villains – men like the Vulture, the Sandman, the Vanisher, the Juggernaut. Men of exceptional abilities and extremely limited vision. They contented themselves on small-scale robberies and petty revenge, and wasted their exceptional resources on such limited gains.

"Imagine for a moment if the Vulture, instead of robbing banks and jewelry stores, had instead gone to the military – or, better, a defense contractor – and said 'I have developed a suit that lets a man fly silently and stealthily even through such tightly contained spaces as the sewers. Further, it even lets a man of my advanced age go toe-to-toe in a fight with someone as strong and fast and tough as Spider-Man. How much could he have made from that decision?

"Or the Sandman. In the early days, Iron Man was your bodyguard. How much would one of your business peers have paid for the services of a bodyguard of his abilities? Especially the ability to form a stone-like shell around the protectee?

"The Vanisher. How valuable to the business world would a courier be who can guarantee parcel delivery that is almost instantaneous, with no risk whatsoever of interception or compromise?

"Or my favorite, the Juggernaut. Imagine how things might have turned out if someone had gone to him and said 'we'd like to pay you to work in the demolition business. And, on occasion, we'd like you to to down to Fort Knox-"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You think it would be a good idea to take Juggernaut down to Fort Knox?"

Bell smiled. "Absolutely. Because, in addition to being the nation's gold repository, Fort Knox is where the Army trains its tank and helicopter crews. Imagine this for a minute – 'Lieutenant, I'd like to introduce you to your new self-propelled, autonomous live-fire target. And in addition to being very well paid, Mr. Juggernaut here has been assured that for every time you and your men shoot at him and miss, you will personally buy him a six-pack of beer.' You've met the Juggernaut on several occasions – how much do you think he'd enjoy the chance to roughhouse with tanks and helicopters, run around and smash up other targets, rip the hell out of the live-fire ranges, and drink beer with soldiers and Marines? While not only not worrying about superheroes and cops, but getting handsomely paid to do so?"

Tony leaned back in his seat. "You raise some interesting points, Mr. Bell. Are you saying that you and your friends are in the same league as those villains?"

Bell smiled. "Maybe, maybe not. We'd rather not find out. We aren't looking for excitement, we're looking for decent paychecks and lives not spent looking over our shoulders."

"But why me, Mr. Bell? Aren't there are other people and organizations out there that would be glad to scoop you people up? Who are already well-known for such things?"

Bell nodded. "Like Dr. Doom, AIM, Hydra, and the like. Yes, they are always looking for people like us. We looked into them, and decided 'no way in hell.'"

"What led you to that conclusion?"

"Several factors, Mr. Stark. For one, such groups have a disturbing tendency towards a zero-tolerance policy towards poor job performance – 'you have failed me for the last time' and all that. We would rather deal with an HR department that believes in suspensions, demotions, and firings instead of torture and execution.

"For another, such groups tend to be on the authorities' hit lists, and busted up fairly regularly. In such cases, the best people like us can hope for is sudden unemployment with a rather dark mark on our resumes. Far more common is jail terms. That's precisely the kind of excitement we want to avoid."

"Valid points, Mr. Bell. But that explains why not them. I am curious why me."

"You are a unique individual, Mr. Stark. We are looking to cross over from two different worlds – the world of superheroes and super-villains into the world of big business. You are a major figure in both those worlds, known and respected and trusted by both. You, better than anyone, can help us avoid the former and obtain gainful employment in the latter."

Tony nodded. "So, your idea is that I set up a metahuman think tank division within Stark International – with you in charge, of course – and"

Bell burst out laughing. "Mr. Stark, I don't think you could pay me enough to be in charge. No, what I want is a steady paycheck and a steady schedule. I love the idea of clocking out at the end of the day and going home, leaving it all behind until the next morning. Let someone else – someone you know and trust – have the title and the headaches and the responsibilities.

"No, my idea is that we'd be employees, and everything we produce would be considered 'work-for-hire,' with you owning it all. We'd be salaried, with incentives for usable products and services we develop, and possibly bonuses for recruiting new people, but you'd own the whole thing, and could develop it or license it out as you see fit. After all, you've made billions doing that already; why would we think we'd do better?"

The timer went off. Without even looking, Tony swept it into a drawer.

Tony found himself nodding. "And you and your people would agree to all that? Along with very thorough background checks, limits on your conduct both on and off the clock, giving away the rights to their products and services..."

Bell nodded. "Absolutely. Because, as we said, mutually profitable. We trust you to know that it would be more profitable to keep us happy and productive, and very bad for your reputation if you were to screw us over. And we want you to trust us that we really, really just want a bit of peace and quiet and security in our lives while still using our gifts for our personal benefit."

Tony frowned. "But another point you brought up about AIM and Doom – how they tend to be targeted by the authorities on occasion, and how disruptive that is. I've been known to be a target myself. Have you considered how that might affect your plan?"

Bell smiled sheepishly. "Yes, we have. And you might not care to hear our conclusions."

Tony smiled without humor. "Indulge me."

Bell sighed. "We've studied your past quite thoroughly, and yes, you have been targeted in the past – sometimes quite successfully. But our conclusion is that it likely wouldn't affect us significantly."

Tony cocked an eyebrow. "I cannot wait to hear this."

Bell squirmed. "Well, Mr. Stark, those attacks on you in the past have focused in two areas: destroying you personally, and taking your company away from you. In the first case, the attacks have been aimed at you and those closest to you and most loyal to you and most important to you. Quite frankly we don't expect or even want that kind of status, so we would be 'off the radar' for those kinds of attacks."

Tony nodded. "Logical. And the takeovers?"

"Again, those targeted are those most important and most loyal to you. Our goal is to be a small but profitable division, nowhere near as important as some of your other aspects. Should there be another hostile takeover, we expect that we would simply continue to do our work without interruption until you once again take back your company."

"Again, logical. Mr. Bell, it appears you have indeed done your homework. You've given me much to consider. I will have to discuss this with some of my people, but you've made a very good presentation. I assume that your email address will still be valid for at least another week or so?" Bell nodded. "Thank you for bringing this to me, and you will hear back from my people within a week or so." Bell stood up. "By the way, that way you delivered your note – not bad."

Bell smiled shyly. "Just a little something I whipped up. I bet you already thought of half a dozen ways you could do the same thing."

Tony gave a smile of false modesty in return. "Nine, actually."

"Wow. Nine. I guess that's why you're the billionaire, and I'm the guy looking for a job. He then gave a sly smile of his own. "Just wondering... of those nine ways, how many could be built in the average guy's garage, with less than $300 worth of off-the-shelf parts?"

Tony's jaw dropped, but he covered it by pushing a button and summoning a security guard. "Jenkins, please show Mr. Bell out."

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Stark, and I look forward to hearing back from you."

"And you definitely will, Mr. Bell. Even if I don't accept your proposal, I can think of a few people who might be inclined to take on you and your associates. And let me repeat – I am very impressed with what you and your associates have put together. In fact, I find myself a little embarrassed that I didn't come up with such a plan myself years ago."