A/N: Been a while since I've visited this one. This one is in homage to the ridiculous amount of sidetracking you see in Bethesda RPGs.

Disclaimer: There's a ton of stuff in Disney movies we rarely notice. I mean, The Lion King has a shit ton of Simbalism in it.

Chapter 9 - THE CHAPTER! IT'S EXACTLY 9!

FLIT!

"Sweet mother of the Divines, that was close!" Nick flicked his tail in front of him and smoothed down the ruffled fur where the arrowhead had neatly passed through. He didn't slow down for a moment though as he was still within range of the bandits and their weapons.

"It's your own fault, bonehead!" The gray rabbit that had become his unofficial companion- "Hey! I am NOT!" *grumble* Fine. The gray rabbit that had taken him on as an official sidekick-

"Hey! I am NOT anyone's sidekick!" The red tod was irritated at being called a sidekick but quickly changed his mind since it was a thing of honor. "Oh. Well I guess in that case- hey wait a minute! No it's not!"

Judy snickered at the tod while they kept up their frantic pace away from the bandit stronghold.

"You just had to find a bathroom, huh Slick?" she snarked.

"Oh don't put this all on me. You used the bathroom too!"

"Okay fine," she admitted haughtily, "but you were the one who knocked on the door asking for food when they hadn't found out we were there yet! Brilliant move."

"I was hungry." Nick let out a frightened yelp when another arrow plugged the ground right next to his foot. "Holy hell we're still in range. This is ridiculous. They can't possibly shoot this far. Bows aren't that powerful."

*quickly checks facts on ancient long bows* Oops. Uh, the arrows start to rain harmlessly behind them as they were past the farthest range they could reach.

"See? Told you!" ick whipped around and stuck his thumbs in his ears, blowing a raspberry back at the bandits who couldn't possibly see him at that point. "You'd be better off sticking to bowties with how well you shoot! YIPE!" Nick was suddenly shaking like a leaf at the arrow that flew and landed mere inches of skewering his nether parts that all males feared for.

"You asshole! You said they were out of range!"

You taunted them. I can easily have them reach another foot further.

The fox shut his yap and rightly so. Judy snickered and punched the fox hard in the arm.

"Serves you right. Although I could have begun traveling with Nicole. We could do each other's makeup and gossip about boys."

*marks down for possible future punishments for arrogant foxes."

Nick gulped.

Two mammals, one covered in red fur and the other a light gray, panted heavily as they scaled a steep mountain side. Both of their faces portrayed a sense of fear that neither had ever shown before. At least not for a little while as the look mirrored the one the fox had when facing a thousand-strong skeleton horde or was trapped in an old fort surrounded by dozens of vampires. Or when the rabbit was stuck fighting a spider the size of a 1963 VW Bus with only an iron sword and a helmet too large for her body. It was fear, but that fear made them feel alive. The adrenaline coursing through their vei-

"Would you shut up?!" Nick threw a rock in a vague direction he hoped was somewhat close to where the disembodied voice was coming from.

"Don't worry about him, Nick. Just climb!"

The two continued their mad scramble up the side of the mountain. Below them, unable to climb due to their massive size, stood a pair of mammals with clubs longer than a tiger was tall. They seemed to be a primitive version of hippopotamus and were clearly angry with the two adventurers. Next to them, three large hairy elephants stamped their feet and thrashed their heads around in irritation.

"Why couldn't you just leave the veggies alone?" Nick's exasperated cry was punctuated by his lack of breath, the climb taking more out of him than normal considering his escape from the bandits was mere hours ago.

"I was starving! And besides, I didn't think they would miss a few carrots and a head of lettuce. How was I supposed to know it was for freaking GIANTS?!"

A loud shout caused the red reynard to stumble and nearly fall over from the horned undead creature before him. he caught himself in time to raise his sword to block the Draugr's own.

"A little help over here?!" His desperate yell achieved nothing as his companion was currently engaged in her own life or death struggle.

"Kinda busy!" Judy called back, pushing her legs hard against the floor to once again dodge another vicious blow from a steel mace. The undead creature had survived several slashes from her small sword and she was running out of options. Taking the moment of reprieve she got from the creature's wild swing unbalancing it, Judy looked around frantically for options. Her eye caught something suspended overhead and she smiled wide.

"Lead him over here!"

Not willing to waste time arguing, Nick scrambled between the Draugr's legs and hastened over to where Judy was still narrowly avoiding being crushed. He gave the undead being a harsh shove and gained them both several feet on either side to breathe.

"On the count of three, roll forward and under them."

"Whatever you say, Carrots."

"One."

Nick tensed his leg muscles, ready to dodge the approaching creature of bones and taut, rotted flesh.

"Two."

Judy braced her paw against the wall to help her gain any extra ground that she could.

"Three!"

The two mammals tucked and rolled past their approaching combatants, leaving them standing between the adventurers and right next to each other. With a speed born out of necessity, Judy whipped out her bow, nocked an arrow, and let it take flight directly above the Draugrs heads. A clay pot, aflame to light the way through the burial catacombs, fell onto the pair of them and the lantern oil that coated the floor. Both creatures lit up like torches and they flailed about wildly before keeling over, their undead selves becoming un-undead.

Judy smirked triumphantly at the fox who was slapping himself in the head.

"Why? Why did I get saddled with a lunatic?"

"Just lucky I guess."

After a vague amount of useless exploring, our duo finds themsel-

"Wait wait wait. Useless exploring?! Is that what this whole day has been about?!"

Actually it's been several days, you just only remember about eight hours that you weren't on autopilot.

"…"

So as our adventurers-

"Nuh-uh! I ain't taking another step until I see some sort of compensation for this! I did not just drag myself all over this freezing, horrid wasteland of a country or whatever the hell Skyrim is just to find out my whole day was for nothing."

"Shh, Nick! Don't anger the voice!"

"I'll kick the damn voice's ass-" spouted off Nick, at least that's what he wanted to express but suddenly found himself experiencing lockjaw that he got from a piece of rusty metal in the last Draugr burial mound.

"Mmmfff!"