All right, I need to say that this entire story, idea, and concept 100% completely, fully, and entirely belongs to [and is dedicated to] RedAler98 on fanfiction. Net I take no credit and highly recommend reading their story as it is much better.
During the shenanigans of the night before, Wally had fallen asleep before Dick. Now, waking up in, what he assumed to be the earlier hours of the morning, there was something sticky and cold on his face. He was afraid to open his eyes right away, so, instead, he was mentally preparing himself for what he could find. A pie, a lizard, a wad of wet paper towel dunked in honey, a dead frog the possibilities were endless-we're dealing with a bat here, never underestimate what they're capable of- for all he knew there was a hamster on his forehead, heck was he still even in Dick's bedroom? he could be on an air mattress in the middle of a lake in Louisiana maybe it was a fish on his face. He wouldn't put it past Dick, that kid was the master of disaster. On that thought, Wally finally opened his and found...
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was still in Wayne Manor in Dick's bed with the ebony pressed flush against him, only his soft hair visible.
Wally spent another minute staring before remembering the thing stuck on his face. He raised a cautious hand, careful not to wake Dick, and prepared for whatever it was to bite his arm off. Although, now that he had his eyes open it was pretty obvious it wasn't alive, but he wasn't taking any chances.
His fingered brushed over a piece of paper taped to him, he scoffed quietly, it was probably a kick me sign. He quickly took the note off his forehead, ripping it off like a band-aid. Rubbing his forehead he looked at the alarm clock on the table at the other side of the bed, 7:27 AM,
It was way too early for this.
He turned his attention back to the list, the really long list, was he supposed to read all this? he sighed and made his eyes focus on Dick's neat printing then started to read.
Babe -
I did not get to bed until 4 am, LET ME SLEEP UNLESS:
You're being strangled
I'm being strangled
You made me breakfast
(edit: Alfred made me breakfast)
You brought me flowers
Or chocolate
Or both
You're ready to admit I'm always right
Roys here
Barbara's here
You're leaving
You fall out of bed
It's the end of the world
Actually, if the world's ending just let me sleep
You wake up in a new dimension
You've solved why firetrucks are red
You've figured out why the glue doesn't stick to the bottle
Mattress arent on sale
You're going to call pizza hut and ask for the number to dominos
The earth is being invaded by aliens
We've been abducted by said aliens
We've abducted said aliens
Donald Trump didn't actually win the election
It's the zombie apocalypse
Those two might be related
You are changing your name to Waldo
Alfreds a robot
You're a robot
I'm a robot
You mess with something you shouldn't have
Something that shouldn't have messed with you
Bruce is getting married
You're getting married
I'm getting married
We're getting married
Anything to do with a wedding
You're hearing voices
I'm hearing voices
You do something stupid and I need to slap you
You're about to do something stupid and I will need to slap you
The house is about to explode
Or burn down
Or flood
They found us
They figured out what was in the briefcase
We're in the middle of a lake
Bruce will let me drive the Batmobile
You hear sounds from the attic and no one's there
You've been arrested
Roys has been arrested...again
Bruce is trying to kill you
I'm trying to kill you
The moon exploded
My plan to make the moon explode works
Blackberry phones start to work
You lose your phone
More importantly, you lose my phone
You caught the Easter bunny
The Easter bunny catches you
You wake up with blue hair
You wake up and I have blue hair
We're being watched
The wifi's down
You find the body in the closet
Glitter is everywhere
You fell asleep here and wake up in California
(Bring me back an orange)
There's a pigeon in the Batcave
I get a letter
You find out who sends letters anymore
You figure out what a VCR is
They make another Godzilla movie
You look out the window and see giant goldfish
All the idiots in metropolis finally figure out Superman is Clark Kent and we need to go say 'told you so'
You wake up and it's 1496
You wake up and it's 6941
It's winter and I need to move south
It's safe to use the internet
The Illuminati is real
You prove the moon landing was faked
You meet lizard people
The earth really is flat
If you wake me up for any other reason I will duct tape you like a mummy to a pullout couch and spray you with a hose then wait till you go numb and one strip at a time remove the duct tape.
And you won't get a kiss for three weeks.
If you even THINK about drawing on me with a marker I will paint you purple and make you stay like that.
-Dick
Wally looked at the note for a long time, then looked back and forth between the peacefully sleeping Dick Grayson and the paper. He chuckled to himself and put the note on the table beside him, then he laid back down, throwing a protective arm over Dick, pulling him closer, and fell back asleep.