Hello everyone!

Here's It's Such a Shame For Us to Part, my first Bellarke fanfiction ever. I hope you'll love it as much as I enjoy writing it. Lots of those chapters have been written by hand in my notebook. It's long, but oh so satisfying.

Alright so, first of all, this story is a fanfiction of the (amazing) TV show The 100. I don't own most of the characters, except originals ones who come from my imagination.

Second of all, since English isn't my first language and I sometimes have quite a hard time with the grammar and everything, I'm asking you to be understanding. I'm doing the best I can for now and writing this story in English is my way to work hard and learn English, you know.

Finally, please, tell me what you think of the story. Feedback are always appreciated!

I hope you'll love this first chapter. Keep in mind that this is a fanfiction. And the good thing with fanfictions is that I can change whatever I like from the canon universe. That's why, here, the Sky Box is still there. Alright, you can proceed! Enjoy!

Love, La Bibliolâtre. x

(You can call me B.)

The first days weren't that bad. He hadn't felt a lot actually. They had stuff to do and it kept his mind off everything he didn't want to think about.

AKA Clarke.

He could feel the others staring at him, waiting for him to break down. Their gazes felt like mind reading attempts. But he couldn't get mad at them, because it wasn't easy for anyone. They'd just lost Clarke and were losing Bellamy, too. He was himself and yet so different at the same time. He was on autopilot. He was there answering their questions and making small talk with them without actually being there. His eyes were empty, like his soul had left his body.

Maybe it was on the ground.

He remembered what Clarke told him. He wanted to act on it and make her proud. He liked the idea that she could watch him from somewhere above him and that she was proud of his choices. Using his head more than his heart was easy. He was making good decisions and the seven of them had found a steady and calm routine. But without acting with his heart, was he really Bellamy Blake?

They all started counting the days before going back to the ground. Except Bellamy. He tried, he really did, but it just hurt too much. Realizing how much time still had to pass before he could see Octavia, or even Kane again. Realizing how much time had already passed since Clarke died. He couldn't do it. When he counted the days, he wondered how her body would have looked by now. Had she'd been completely burned to ashes? Is she, by some miracle, surviving this, but alone? Would he find something left by her when he goes back? There were so many possibilities, but each ended with misery.

At the end of the third week, he was roaming around the ark, trying to find peace from his mind, when he found the Sky Box. The cells were all exactly the same and he couldn't tell which one was Octavia's.

But he found one that he recognized in the isolation section. And then, it felt like his chest ripped open and his heart crumbled.

The drawings. For a while, he had forgotten she's an artist. Was an artist. She didn't get the chance to draw very often on Earth, but he remembered her talking about it once.

It was at the beginning, on a calm night, not a long before Mount Weather. The kid who was supposed to be on guard next to him was ill and Clarke had told him he had to rest. Bellamy was surprised when he saw Clarke climbing the ladder. He looked at her as she sat beside him.

"What are you doing here, princess?" He asked finally.
"Guarding the fence, of course." She answered, like it was a normal thing.
"Shouldn't you be in med bay with the sick kids? Or... I don't know, sleeping?" Bellamy questioned.
"They're alright." She sighed. "They don't need me right now and I asked Monroe to radio if something changed." Showing him the walkie talkie. "Besides, you're missing someone here."

She shrugged and glanced at him, a half-smile on her lips. He couldn't help but love how she looked. The way her hair tumbled down her shoulders. The way her eyes were shone.

They made small talk for a while. She then fell silent for a moment and Bellamy turned to look at her. Her face was turned upward, her eyes drifting over the stars.

"Any shooting star tonight?" He inquired.
"None." She murmured back. "Would you know what to wish for this time?"
"Maybe." He replied, evasive. "Do you?"
"Maybe" She parroted back. "You know, I would love to draw this view. It's just so beautiful from here. I always knew it would be, but actually seeing it is so much more than just imagining."
"I didn't know you draw." He said, a weird feeling in his stomach.
"There's probably still a lot of things we don't know about each other."
"You could still do it, you know. Drawing."
"It's not the same. I had time. Lots of it. And... I did it while dreaming of the ground, thinking it was some kind of dreamland." She made a sarcastic laugh. "When I was in my cell, all alone, I could think I was somewhere else, even if it was only for a few minutes."

Bellamy never thought he would ever see the drawings with his own eyes.

He stumbled towards the cold bed and collapsed. He couldn't breathe.

His eyes scramble across the room like he has to absorb everything or it'll all disappear. Vaguely aware of unwanted tears escaping from his eyes, he stood up, his heart beating fast and unable to stop. He crouched and his fingers traced the lines on the floor. The ugly sobs he was trying to contain coming out. The sound that he made didn't sound human. He felt himself crumbling, his knees hurting as they hit the hard ground and his palms smacking onto the floor. For a moment, his body started acting weird, like he needed to puke. He could feel his heart breaking in his chest and the pain became so bad that he started screaming. It's uncontrollable and for a moment, he thought that he could die from it.

Monty and Raven found him later, rocking himself back and forth.

"Good, finally." muttered Raven.

She just knew that it had to came out at some point. She had been anxious, wondering when it was going to hit him. Even though it hurt her inside to see Bellamy like that, she was glad to see him finally reacting and letting it out.

She ran to him, falling next to him and putting her arms around his shaking body. She tried to not look at the drawings, but even she's couldn't help but let the tears fall.

Monty, on the other hand, felt like he was trapped there. He couldn't move from where he stood. And he was crying. Crying for the friend who saved them so many times and who died in such an horrible way. And crying for the friend who was hanging onto Raven like a lifeline. As if she was the only thing keeping him here, alive and not drowning in his own tears.

"I should have told her, Raven." Bellamy croaked, his voice almost unintelligible among the sobs.
"She knew it, Bell. She knew it."
"I should have... I should have done something! I should have..."

He suddenly can't speak again and Raven held him so tight that she wondered if it would hurt him. But it seemed to help and honestly, she needed it, too.

She glanced at Monty, who finally unfroze to sit next to them, his left hand resting of Bellamy's back. The latter raised his head, looking at Monty right in the eyes. For a short second, he doesn't even recognize him. His face was red and puffy. But mostly his eyes... God, his eyes. They looked crazy. Bellamy looked crazy and broken. Monty thought it was strange, looking at this strong leader who right now looked like a little boy.

Raven wasn't in better shape either. She tried to stay strong, to comfort Bellamy because he was the one needing it right now. But how can you be strong when you feel like this? It was a terrible feeling. It was the kind of pain you can't imagine unless you lose someone you truly, madly and deeply loved. And at this point, they all had.

"We did the right thing, Bellamy." Monty finally said under Raven's insistent glare. "It wasn't an easy choice, but it was the right one."

Bellamy doesn't answer, but they could see the doubt in his eyes.

"And she knew what she meant to you. We all did. Just like we knew what you meant for her. It wasn't a secret for anyone except for maybe you two." Raven added.
"I should have said it to her."
"It doesn't do anything to regret what we could have done." Monty said, thinking of Jasper and the 'I love you' that came out too late for his friend to hear.
"I left her behind. Alone." Bellamy said, looking exhausted. "What kind of person am I?"
"We all did, Bell."
"Raven, you don't –"
"Yes, I do understand." She interrupted. "Remember what you told me. She told you to use your head because of Abby's premonitions. She knew something would happened and she trusted you to make the hard decision she had already made. She knew you could do it. She had so much faith in you."
"It just hurt so much. I don't know how to be myself anymore. How to be without her forever."

Raven wasn't holding him anymore and they were all sitting, staring at the walls.

"They are very good..." Monty said.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry." Bellamy said, surprising the others two. "I shouldn't have acted like that."
"Bullshit." Dismissed Raven. "You might need to use your head more often, but you can't forget your heart in the process."

In the following days, they could see Bellamy coming back to them. Sometimes, they would catch him staring at the walls blankly or looking down on Earth through the windows, a frown on his face. They all knew he would never be completely over Clarke, but he would live and do everything he can so that her death isn't in vain.

After about two years, he and Echo even started sleeping together, which earned him a smirk and a "The grounders aren't that bad, huh?" from Murphy. But still, it wasn't anything serious. They just both needed a bit of love and warmth from someone. He slept with Raven, too. But just once, after a particularly stressful night. They both agreed that it shouldn't happen again. Not because it was bad – it was, in fact really amazing, nothing to complain about – but it didn't feel quite right.

Well, it didn't really feel right with Echo either, but it was still better than just his hand. And at least, she hadn't been friends with Clarke.

On year three, when Raven told the crew that they might not be able to go back on time, everyone lost a bit of hope. They had no way of contacting the bunker, all communications systems being completely dead, and they didn't know how the Earth was like anymore or if their friends were even okay. They're alive and they're so grateful for it, but they've already spent so much time together, just the seven of them, and they really don't know what to do anymore with their free time. Harper and Monty even started fighting. Although it always ended up with makeup sex that kept everyone else awake for the night.

At some point near the end of the third year, Emori started feeling sick. Murphy was panicking and no one could help him relax. It's Echo that gave them the answer.

"She's pregnant."

To say it caused a fight would be an understatement. Bellamy, Monty and Raven were furious. Now really wasn't the right time. Emori, Murphy and Harper thought it might be a good thing. Echo was the only one keeping her opinions to herself until Emori turned to her.

"Echo, what do you think?"

For a second, she hesitates.

"Well, Clarke's not here... don't we have enough oxygen for one more person?"

It was the first time in a long time that someone said Clarke's name out loud and not in a hushed whisper. At least, around Bellamy. They knew it still hurt him too much to talk about her, so they always waited for him to be in another room to discuss Clarke. They all glanced at him, who seemed to be in deep thought. He then turned toward Raven, questions floating in his eyes.

"Do we?"

It didn't take long for her to have an answer. One baby is alright. Not ideal, but alright. But from that point on, everyone had to be extremely careful. No more mistakes.

On year four, when Emori started having contractions, everyone turned to Bellamy, who was there when Octavia was born. Everyone thought it would have been better if Clarke was there, but no one dared to say it aloud.

Harper and Murphy took Emori's hands, Echo applied cold water on her sweating face and Monty and Raven tried to help Bellamy as he was making sure Eban Murphy was alright.

Eban was a beautiful baby boy in perfectly good health. He helped them in a way they'd never imagined. He was a new light in their boring life. A new hope.

Three months after the beginning of year six, the news came with a running Raven.

"We're going home."