Ahh! Sorry for the very late update! This chapter isn't really my favorite and I'm kind of self-conscious about it if that makes sense? So that's why it's taken me awhile to update!

WARNING: This chapter is... kind of intense? It involves some physical uncomfort (nothing bad, just something I feel would be physically uncomfortable) and definitely has darker themes than the rest of this.

The end of this chapter will have an A/N explaining all of the 'hallucinations', including the one that happens this chapter (slight spoiler but that's okay). This all made sense to me, but I'm not sure about how others will feel, I had to explain it to my friend a bit (there's a lot of deeper meaning in this haha)

So, enjoy, and once again, I am sorry if this chapter isn't that great! (Note: I headcanon that when Kai is upset, rubbing his back really helps him calm down. I feel like it's something Maya would have done and it's just a comforting feeling).

The past month for the team had been… difficult, to put it lightly. Not only were they without a team member and leader, but he couldn't move. Or do anything at all. Someone always had to tend to him, usually Misako or Wu, but even the elders needed their rest and the rest of the team had to step up.

It was obvious that Cole hated the constant feeling of helplessness, the constant need of assistance. It was obvious he hated the speech therapy he had to endure. Misako and Wu refused to let the team sit with them per Cole's request, but it was obvious he struggled.

One of the things Cole was most ashamed of was certain help he needed. He was human, he was still alive and needed to eat and drink to continue to survive. Someone had to physically feed him three times a day. He didn't look at anyone whenever he was spoon fed. There were times he tried not to eat or drink, but he was forced. He tried to avoid drinking because the more he drank the more he had to use the bathroom. The first week he was immobilized, each time he had to use the restroom someone had to physically pick him up and set him on the toilet then stand in the room with him so when he was done they could help him… well he had lost all of his dignity. After that he would get carried back and laid down in the bed once more. Kai, Jay, and Zane were the only ones who he allowed to help him with that. He was sure they had all lost respect for him. After Jay saw how embarrassed Cole was those first few days, he had gotten the idea to make a catheter for the Earth ninja so he wouldn't be forced to suffer the embarrassment anymore. Jay and Nya worked on it almost constantly for a few days. Misako attached it to his stomach immediately after it was finished.

After four weeks, Cole had managed to move both hands, and his left arm. It wasn't the best and he wasn't very fast, but he could do it.

Each battle (which were few) the team rotated on who would stay with Cole. It usually ended up being Lloyd with his mom, but often times Kai, Jay, and Zane had to stay with him.

Cole could finally talk again, but he refused to speak to any of them. He was embarrassed by the way his voice sounded, by how long it took him to regain his speech. They guessed it was his way of coping. Whenever the team would sit with him, it would be in silence. The others wanted to say something, they just didn't know what.

Over the course of a week and a half, Cole was able to move his all ten of his fingers. It required all of his effort, but he could move his fingers again. The crew celebrated the small feat. Jay taught Cole how to do hand hugs so they could hand hug, Kai gave him a high-five, Lloyd held his hand just so he could feel the motion of Cole's fingers wrapping around his to make sure it was real. Zane even baked a cake. But Cole didn't eat any.

Is this even worth all of the effort? Kai wondered one day as he was forced to sit out a battle with pirates to watch Cole.

Maybe it would have been better for him if he had died… Zane contemplated after throwing half of the cake away and seeing the downcast look etched upon Cole's face throughout the entire party.

I'm dealing with too much as it is, I don't know if I can handle this, Lloyd thought after spying on one of Cole's physical therapy sessions with Misako and Wu and seeing his older 'brother' struggle to move his arms.

Why can't Cole just suck it up and speak to me! Jay mentally asked himself desperately as Cole refused to even look at him.

Why bother… Nya mused angrily after attempting to give the ninja of Earth a hand hug and was rejected.

But then the five crossed paths, they looked into each others tired eyes, the eyes filled with hopelessness and sadness and defeat. They sighed, knowing that yes it was worth it, that they would much rather have Cole paralyzed and alive than dead, murdered by an unknown serpentine warrior.

But what the team didn't know, was that as Cole helplessly lie there all day for a month, he had been thinking the same things.

Am I worth it?

His right arm. His non-dominant arm. After hours of grueling work with Sensei and Misako, he had moved his right arm. There were tears of pain streaming down his face, sweat covering his hairline and dripping off of him, but he had done it. He let his arm fall to the bed and sighed. Misako's hand was near his so he attempted to grab it with what little strength he had in his fingers and muttered, "Thank you."

She smiled warmly and replied with, "You're getting so much better, Cole."

He tried to smile, he really did. But the corners of his lips just didn't want to move upwards. He didn't know whether it was because of his condition or if he just couldn't find enough happiness in him to smile. "C-Can I have some time alo-alone?" he stuttered softly, avoiding eye contact.

He could see Wu and Misako glance at each other out of the corner of his eye. "You've worked hard. Take some time," his Sensei finally replied. Cole mumbled another 'thanks', and only looked up once he was certain the door was shut. Finally, he was alone. He was never allowed to be alone anymore, someone was always at his side from the second they realized that he was awake. All he longed for (aside from movement of course) was the peace and quiet he got when there wasn't someone sitting next to him. Besides, he could tell that they'd all rather not be with him anyways. He couldn't blame them. Who'd want to get stuck watching the crippled?

After a few moments of contemplating, he decided to spend the time sleeping, something he desperately needed. It's not like he could do anything else anyways. He slowly closed his eyes, ready for a relaxing slumber, when he heard laughing coming from his bedside. Cole scowled. He had specifically requested to be alone. He opened his eyes and was a little nervous when he saw Kai, Jay, Zane, and Lloyd circled around his bed, each in their ninja gi with the hoods up. "Go away," Cole mumbled, wishing he could just disappear.

Kai scoffed and sat down on the edge of his bed. "If only we could go away. I'd rather be literally anywhere then in the same room as you." Cole gulped but didn't say anything.

"I'm so sick of having to take care of you," Jay admitted, glaring at Cole. "I can't even remember the last time I've played video games!" He felt his heart drop. So they did feel that way.

"We're supposed to call you leader," sneered Lloyd. " And yet here we are, wasting our time and energy on you…"

"I-I'm sorry…" Cole muttered.

Kai kicked his feet up so his whole body was on the bed. He readjusted his position until he was straddling Cole, his head near his chest, his eyes furious and his mouth opened in a wicked grin. "Oh, you're sorry! Ha! That just changes everything!" The fire ninja lowered his head until Kai's nose was practically touching the Earth ninja's neck. Cole sucked in a breath, suddenly extremely uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter how many times you apologize, nothing will make up for the damage you have caused."

Cole was about to say something in response but the ice ninja quickly stepped up, took a firm hold on his chin, and said, "It would have been better for us if you had died." His voice was cold and harsh. Cole felt a single tear splash down his face. "There was a 75% chance that you would have died. A 2% chance you would survive with full control of your body. Dying would have been so much easier, why did you have to make our lives even more difficult?" Zane let go violently, forcing his head to the side.

Jay strode towards the paralyzed ninja, roughly grabbed his hair, pulled his head back so he was yet again face-to-face with Kai, then leaned down and whispered in his ear, "We could have defeated Garmadon by now, saved Ninjago, but alas, we have to make sure you are feeling okay."

Cole gasped in pain as his head was pulled backwards. "I didn't mean to- I-I wish I ha-" he started but he was cut off as Lloyd smacked him.

"Pathetic," the green ninja jeered, placing his hand where he had hit the Earth master, gently digging fingernails into skin.

"Useless," taunted Kai, slowly crawling forward until his face was just over Cole's. He sunk down lower, increasing the anxiety of the other.

"A waste," smirked Zane, hopping onto the bed as well, hovering over his feet and placing his hands firmly on Cole's arms, keeping him down.

"I wish you had died," snapped Jay, his face yet again next to Cole's, his breath hot against the cheek not being held by Lloyd.

Suddenly, Kai straightened his back and for a moment, Cole thought his living-nightmare was over. His hopeful thought, however, was shattered when a sword appeared in the fire ninja's hand. Cole had no idea where it had come from, where he had gotten it, but there it was. When Cole met Kai's eyes, all of the amber warmth was gone, replaced with the look of pure hatred and evil. The red ninja once again lowered himself onto the other and held the knife to him. "Let's finish this the way it started," he hissed. And he brought the knife down on him.

Cole felt his breathing get ever more labored as they continued getting closer, poking and prodding him, and he could only lay there. There was a light sting coursing through his body, most likely due to his wound. He was surprised that he was so numb to the pain. The last time he was in complete and utter agony. They bombarded him with insults and closeness, he felt claustrophobic. He heard someone yelling, it sounded mangled and rough, it took him a long time to realize it was his own voice. He thought he heard himself begging for help, begging someone to save him but none came. He must not have been loud enough. He could feel his tears stinging his eyes as they roughly fell down his face. And then they multiplied. There were more of them now, shaking him, yelling his name.

"NO! STOP IT! GET AWAY FROM ME!" he yelled.

"You deserve everything that's happened to you," Lloyd ridiculed him.

"The team has suffered so much in the past month, and it's all YOUR fault!" Zane screamed at him.

"YOUR FAULT!" Jay echoed as Kai laughed maniacally behind him as he continually struck his body with the sword.

"IT-IT'S ALL MY FAU-FAULT I'M SORRY!" he couldn't help but shriek. "I'M SOR-SORRY I DIDN'T D-DIE!" That was the moment he felt something cold pierce his skin. And the next thing he saw was darkness as reality crashed and he succumbed to the oblivion.

Kai was exhausted. Absolutely, utterly, exhausted. But even though his eyelids felt ready to drop, his eyes burned from little sleep, and his body felt weak, his worry was higher on his priority list than his fatigue. Despite how tired he was, he was supposed to sit with Cole after his physical therapy with Wu and Misako was over. He could hear grunts of strain coming from the infirmary door as he stood outside it, and he could only imagine how Cole was feeling at the moment. He gazed sadly at the door until the grunting stopped. A minute later, the elders exited the room. He was about to walk in but was stopped.

"Cole's requested to be alone for awhile," Misako informed him grimly.

"And you were okay with that?" Kai questioned doubtfully.

"He's been working hard, he's embarrassed, he needs some time to himself," explained Sensei Wu. "I know you would rather be with him, we would too, but he's feeling overwhelmed. Give him this."

"I'm sure he's just going to take the time to try and sleep, he hasn't been getting much lately," added Misako, rubbing Kai's back to help him relax.

Kai furrowed his eyebrows, his mouth in a line. "Fine. But I'm sitting outside the door. I don't believe he's ready to be on his own yet." So the fire ninja sat beside the door, his head in his hands, trying to hold back sobs as Wu and Misako walked away. All he wanted was to talk to Cole, to hear his voice, to hear him laugh. That was his goal for the day, why he was so disappointed when he was told the black ninja wanted to be alone. He wanted the team to feel like a family again. He wished he could go back to the day it all happened so he could stop himself from taking the sword out. Kai wasn't sure how mad Cole was at him, but his guilt kept him awake at night.

He had just managed to get himself together when he heard muttering coming from the infirmary. Kai curiously pressed his ear to the door, a part of him uneasy but another excited, he had yet to hear Cole speak since the accident.

"I-I'm sorry…" he heard Cole mutter his voice filled with… discomfort? Kai's eyes narrowed as he heard gasps and whimpering. He ever so softly opened the door and peeked inside. Cole's eyes were wide open, fearfully staring at the space right above his head. His fingers on his left hand were clutching the bed sheets. The fingers on his right hand twitched before it shot up and grabbed his chin. Kai frowned. This was not normal.

A tear slid down his face as he let go of his chin, pushing his head so he faced the door. Kai froze, terrified that the Earth ninja would get mad, but he didn't seem to notice he was there. His right hand suddenly grabbed his hair, pulling his head back up and Cole gasped in pain as he pulled his head backwards. He let go then sobbed, "I didn't mean to- I-I wish I ha-". He was cut off as his hand slammed violently into his own face. That's when he started yelling. It was ear-piercing and the most horrifying thing Kai had heard in his entire life. The black ninja's shrieking consisted of words that gave Kai chills. Most of it was along the lines of "NONONONONONONONO!" and "PLEASE STOP!"

"COLE?" he shouted. "COLE!" There was no response. He raced out of the room, running down the hallway until he found the team running towards him from different directions.

"Kai, what's going on?" Jay asked nervously, bouncing back and forth between his feet.

"I have no idea!" panted Kai, grabbing Jay's hand and leading him towards the infirmary, still filled with the sound of screaming. "Everything was normal then he started muttering stuff and then he started saying that he was sorry and he kept grabbing his face then, well, this happened!"

The team burst through the door but that only seemed to scare Cole more. Zane rushed to his bedside, placing a hand on his arm. "Cole," he said softly.

"NO! STOP IT! GET AWAY FROM ME!" his voice was raspy and strained, tears were streaming down his face faster than any of them had ever seen before.

Zane instantly backed away, his face pale. He desperately looked at Misako and Sensei Wu. "I-I-" he tried, but he couldn't seem to say anything else.

"Is he dreaming?" asked Lloyd, his voice filled with worry. "Maybe he's having a nightmare. Should we wake him up?"

"His eyes are open though!" Nya said through gritted teeth. "He doesn't look like he's asleep!"

Misako took one more look at the distressed ninja and quickly made her way to the other side of the room and began pouring something into a shot. Once it was all poured, she put the lid on and was about to say something when she was cut off.

"IT-IT'S ALL MY FAU-FAULT I'M SORRY! I'M SOR-SORRY I DIDN'T D-DIE!"

Kai felt as though his heart stopped, as if time slowed. All the noise around him seemed to be muffled. A muffled gasp from Lloyd, a muffled sob from Jay, a muffled 'no" from Zane. He watched as Misako quickly shoved the shot into Cole's arm, and the ninja's eyes closed. The screaming stopped. The room was silent aside from the cries from Jay. He felt his knees drop. He was on the ground. A hand was on his back. Rubbing. The door slammed shut. Jay had run out. He felt sobs try to rise out of his throat but he swallowed them. Cole wished he had died. Kai was not okay.

Kai suddenly felt his reality snap back into place when he heard the sound of a door slamming, closely followed by the clinking of chains. He cautiously lifted his head and saw a blue blur pass by the doorway. He wanted to do something, but he felt almost frozen in place, thankfully Zane was able to react.

"Jay?" he questioned, his voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing?"

Kai didn't understand how, but the blue ninja had somehow managed to hear the quiet Nindroid. Jay retreated until he was back by the doorway, his ninja gi on, the hood up, and his nunchucks in his left hand. "I-I can't handle this anymore," his voice was breaking as he spoke. "The serpentine hurt my-my best friend and I-I-I've just been sitting here and-and not anymore."

The hand quickly withdrew itself from his back and Nya rushed towards the door. "No, Jay… no no no," she was desperate, pleading. "Please don't be stupid." She grabbed his arm. He shook it off.

"You, don't understand… I have to, Nya… I have to."

"I'm coming with you." Each head turned to look at Lloyd in time to see him whoosh into his green tornado and come out in his gi. He rolled his hood up in a swift, aggressive motion. "Someone needs to be held responsible for what happened. I don't care who or-or how, but someone is going to suffer."

"I will come too," Zane spoke up, his voice still soft. Kai couldn't help but gape at the white ninja, the usually calm and collected ninja who didn't rush into things, was now rushing into something. The nindroid didn't elaborate. He just spinjitzued into his gi and walked to the door with Lloyd.

The three turned to Kai. "Are you coming, Kai?" Lloyd asked, his voice rough.

The red ninja stayed silent as he slowly stood up. "Remember how hard the past month has been on us all," Jay said through clenched teeth. "Cole could have died. He wished he had died. He might as well be dead right now."

"Jay!" Nya gasped, tears silently falling down her face.

"Please. We could use your… your fiery passion. I know you're angry, Kai. You don't have to hide it." Jay made eye contact with Kai. His eyes that were usually filled with some form of joy were now filled with hate. Uncontrollable hate and anger. He glanced at the unconscious form of Cole on the bed, his chest slowly moving up and down.

"I'm in," he muttered, following the others example and changing into his gi. He walked towards the door, kissed his sister's cheek and mumbled, "Let's go."

Alrighty, here's the explanation:

Kai: Kai saw Cole as being mean or rude and wearing normal, non-ninja, clothing as a way of coping so if Cole were to die he was hoping the more mean version of Cole would distract him from the Cole he knew and loved and would prevent him from missing the real Cole more, kind of as a way of not having to really except that his friend died. The non-ninja clothing was, once again, a way to remember a different Cole, a non-ninja Cole, so-to-speak.

Zane: Zane is a Nindroid, built to protect those who cannot protect themselves. When Cole got hurt, he saw that as failure on his behalf, he believed that he should have been able to stop it from happening because, to him, Cole's life is more significant than his, and as a Nindroid, a non-human being who is far more intelligent than others and can do more, he should have been able to save him. He saw Cole bloody and dying in his gi as an example of his failure.

Lloyd: Lloyd is still a kid. Sure, now he's physically a teenager, but he is still a kid. He's struggling to adjust so he saw Cole in a more child-like state, such a kid wearing pajamas, prepared to go to bed, almost a state of innocence. He saw him, not exactly as a child specifically, but rather child-like and expressing things such as a child would. The conversation he had with Cole was that of a two innocent children, two kids wishing things were better, and the more child-like state helped Lloyd cope more and see Cole in a different light, so-to-speak.

Jay: Now Jay is different. He saw Cole they way he wished to see him. He wanted to see him healed, he wanted to see him walking again. It was that positive part of his mind that drove his hallucination. The positive part that gave him something the others didn't have, it gave him hope. Now, he didn't exactly use that 'power' the way "Mirage Cole" had wanted him to, as he was too focused on the negative aspect of the situation, but the Cole hallucination was the positive part of his mind willing him to stay positive.

Cole: Now Cole's is the hardest for me to explain. Cole is the leader of the team (Lloyd hasn't taken over at this point and honestly I miss leader Cole a lot), hence him being super embarrassed about what happened to him. He believes it's his job to protect his team and his job to worry about their safety (not that he wants them to get hurt, he just feels he should be responsible for them). He does not believe they should have to worry about him or care for him because that means he somehow failed as a leader, nor does he think they should worry or care for him because he doesn't believe he's worth it (none of them do really...) so he pretends he's fine. He genuinely believes that his teammates are sick of taking care of him and they hate having to 'watch over' him, he feels like a chore. Cole thinks the others wished he had died (obviously the others do not think that) so that's why he hallucinates Kai killing him. Kai was the one to pull the sword out, and he shoves that same sword right back in (not actually, in his intense hallucination). His whole hallucination stems from the belief that he doesn't deserve to live, that his teammates do not believe he should have lived, and just all of this self-doubt and slight depression because, well, in the state he's in, it's hard not to think too much.

Hallucinations of Kai, Jay, Lloyd, and Zane: My goal with them was to make Cole feel as helpless and uncomfortable as possible. They straddled him and got close to him, breathing in his ear just to make him feel so much discomfort because he can't really move to get away. They did all of that because, as I stated above, it's Cole's way as punishing himself. He believes he deserves the discomfort and the mental pain.

So... that's all the explanations! I hope those made sense!

Anyone surprised Jay was the first to act? I almost made it Kai, but I thought to myself, it's always Kai, Jay is upset too. Let's let him be reckless today haha!

Note: When Zane wonders if it was better if he had died, it wasn't because he wished that Cole had died, it was because Cole just seemed so upset and he just wanted what was best for his brother, he was wondering if maybe Cole would be happier if he had died!

I hope you all enjoyed and that chapter wasn't too weird? Thanks for reading and I am so sorry I took forever to update!