Lifeline chapter 7

I do not own batman

This is not what Alfred expected he thinks as he looks at his second grandson lying in a bed. The joker had escaped for the 1000th time and Bruce and Jason got into a fight again. It hurt Alfred to watch it. Afterwards his grandson looked so broken, sad and angry. Alfred wanted to go to him to make sure he was all right. But Jason didn't come back to the cave. He held hope he would have gone to Leslie's but he had called her and the answer was no. So after he made sure all the other batfamily members were taken care of he went to Jason's closes safehouse. Thanks to Barbara for the address. He, the gentleman he is first knocked. But he got no answer. Maybe Jason wasn't at this safehouse. But Alfred got this feeling and it got worse when he noticed the door was not locked and he could easily open it. That wasn't something for Jason to do. So Alfred followed his feeling and found Jason, his grandson bleeding in the bathroom from his wrist with the knife on the floor. Still coloured in Jason's own blood. He was so in shock that for a few seconds he did nothing. But then like a switch was flipped he went into action. He called the cave for the batmobile and then called Leslie to come to the cave as soon as possible. It was all just in time. All Alfred could think about was about saving his grandson. He could not lose Jason again. Now he sits in front of him holding his hand. When Jason was stable he brought him up into the manor. Where he belonged. But Alfred realised Jason must not feel the same. He kicked everyone out of Jason's room and told Bruce to leave the manor for now. But blaming it all on the fight and Bruce would have not been right. Everyone is to blame. They should have noticed it. He should have seen it but he hadn't. He hadn't realised Jason would ever feel like this was the only way out. Alfred gets snapped out of his thoughts as he hears Jason groaning. He is waking up.

Jason slowly opens his eyes.

Where am I?

Is his first thought. He can feel himself lying in a bed. A very comfortable bed, one he doesn't own. His arm also hurts.. So his second thought is

What happened?

But then the memories come flooding in and he remembers what he did. Jason looks more clearly at his surroundings. The manor, he is at the manor... they saved him? God why did they save him. He was the failure, the mistake why would they save him? Couldn't they understand he was better off dead? That he should have stayed dead? They don't want him so why why why ...

''Why can't you just let me go.'' He whispers.

''I am afraid you cannot ask such a thing of me master Jason.'' Jason eyes open again and he realises Alfred sits next to him. How could he have not noticed him before?

''Alfie...'' Jason says but before he can say anything else Alfred stands up and carefully wraps his arms around his grandson.

''I'm sorry Jason, I am so sorry but I couldn't let you go.'' Alfred whispers in his ear and Jason can feel the tears falling. He has never seen Alfred cry and he is sad that he is the cause of it.

''I realise it is selfish of me, but honestly I didn't even think about it like that. All I could think about when I saw you in your bathroom was that you were dying and I couldn't let that happen, not again. I couldn't lose you again, Jason.'' Alfred's grip on Jason tightens.

''So...''Jason says slowly having a little trouble with talking. ''It was you who found me?'' Alfred slowly sits down on his chair and nods. ''I called Leslie and together we saved your life.''

''Why?'' Jason asks and his grandfather looks so broken.

''Because I love you Jason, because I care about you and because I don't want to lose you.'' Alfred says as he wipes Jason's hair out of his face.

''I don't deserve your love.'' Jason responds turning his face away.

''Of course you do. You are my grandson I love you with all my heart but I guess I haven't shown it enough.''

''I am only your grandson because Bruce adopted me and he doesn't love me. I am just a mistake, a failure.''

Alfred wants to say so much about Bruce but he bites his tongue. This is not about Bruce, it is about Jason. Alfred takes a hold of Jason's face and makes Jason face him.

''Jason Peter Todd. You are not a mistake, you are not a failure. You are a great person with a big heart. And just because master Bruce is acting like a bloody #$ that shouldn't be a reason for you to kill yourself.''

''Not just because of Bruce but it would be better for everyone if I was death.'' Jason says as he looks into Alfred's eyes.

''How would that be better for us? Your death nearly destroyed us the first time. How could you think it wouldn't do that the second time?''

''Because that was the fifteen year old me.'' Jason sounds defeated and tired. ''You guys loved that fifteen year old me, well most of it. Bruce changed my ''legacy'' with that stupid case and story about how I was the perfect soldier even though not listening to orders apparently got me killed.'' Jason spats. ''But that is not who I am now. I changed.''

''Everyone changes that is part of growing up. But even if you are older, even if you start to like different things you still love books. Maybe your taste in books changed but you still love them. We still have those meetings where we discuss books, we still cook together, we even went to that theatre show. Those are also the things you liked since you were younger. I don't see a fifteen year old Jason when I look at you, I see you. My dear grandson who I love with all my heart.''

'' I hurt you guys. I tried to murder Tim, Damian even Bruce ...'' Jason starts as he tries to not let tears fall.

''And you regret that.'' Alfred says as he puts his hand on Jason's shoulder.

''I am a murderer!''

''So am I.''

''Alfie..that that is not fair it is not the same.'' Jason says as he looks at Alfred.

''Do you really want to die Jason?''

''I don't know I just want everything to stop hurting.''

''Jason I know that if you really want to I won't be able to stop you but please...try to give living another chance. Let me help you. Let me try showing you that it is worth to stay alive. Forget about Bruce or your issues with Dick. You should focus on yourself and what you want. Little steps. What about Artemis, Bizarro and Tim?''

''I though they would be better off without me..''

''But I know that they would never think like that I think they are quite sadden by this all.'' Alfred replies.

''They will be mad, I don't want them to be mad or sad.'' Jason says as he shakes his head.

''I know but of course they will be sad if someone they love they lose. Ofcourse they are angry and mad but not only at you also at themselves for not realising your feelings. We should have noticed it sooner.''

''It is not your guys fault but mine.''

''No master Jason it isn't just your fault either. I agree you should have told us sooner but we should have spend more attention to.''

''Just try, go to therapy with me or your friend..Crux was it? let's sit down and talk about things. Last time I couldn't do anything for you at least let me try now.'' Alfred pleads. Jason is silent for some time.

''You can also talk to Leslie but we don't have to even have to stay in Gotham. If you want we could go to England. There are a lot of places I bet you have never seen before and I would love to show it to you. Or we could stay in Gotham, Tim will let us stay in his apartment I am sure.''

''I make no promises.'' Jason sighs as he looks into Alfred's eyes. ''I-I feel so confused and lost and frustrated.'' He begins.

''Trying is all I ask.'' Alfred squeezes Jason's shoulder.

''...''

''I don't want to lose you Jason.''

''...''

''I don't want to lose you either Alfred.'' Jason says as he takes a hold of Alfred's hand on his shoulder and squeezes it. Jason gives a small nod and Alfred gives a small smile.

''You should rest now.'' Alfred says as he gives Jason a kiss on his forehead. ''I also have to tell the others that you are awake. When you wake up we will talk more okay?''

''Would you read to me?'' Jason asks. ''I don't feel like sleeping. I am not the best at it.''

''I will get your favourite book.'' Alfred says as he opens the door and walks into the hallway.

Author's note

The end.

This chapter is really long in comparison to the other chapters. I hope it didn't turn out that bad I am really not good at writing endings. It might feel like an open ending but this really is the end for this fanfic. I am not that good of a writer to really write the next part that would be Jason's journey to feel better. It will have many up and downs but I believe with the right guidance in the end it will turn out okay. I like my happy endings after all. But that is why I ended it like this. Everyone can think for themselves what they think will happen next. I honestly don't think he will ever regain the relationship he has with Bruce but I also think he doesn't really need it. Sometimes relationships between people aren't as close like they want, to many things happened, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I think Jason should focus more on the good relationships he has and not on the ones he hasn't. I feel like him going to England with Alfred and follow therapy will be a good opportunity for him. But anyways what do you guys think about this fanfic, did you like it? Did you predict it would be Alfred that found him? Please let me know.