A/N: Hello again, everyone. Sorry for the delay. I wrote this in early January, but then had a vry busy couple of is the chapter I wanted to write the whole time, because I find romance to be the most fun stuff to crank out. I tried to draw it out a little bit, but I don't write gay fic where the characters don't end up happily together (ahem, at least anymore haha). We have enough to worry about as a community. Also, I apparently have a knack for PokeBranding. Nintendo should offer me a job! I hope you enjoy. It seems like an end, but it's not. I've never had a fic last more than three chapters so I'm aiming to finally break the cycle.
PS: I make a subtle reference to one of my other Pokemon fanfics, Lifeblood, in this chapter. I'm shamelessly plugging it here as well because I love it (and because Volkner is the hottest).
Hala happened to be out, something along the lines of an Island Elite Four summit. Hau's guess was that they were discussing his Tutu's impending retirement, and who constituted a suitable replacement. I hoped they would choose Hapu; the earthy little woman embodied all expected characteristics the position required, and since she had been a kahuna for five years she possessed the experience as well. Watching Hau discuss it, I could tell he wanted the job himself. But he was so newly chosen as kahuna, and still only sixteen. Maybe one day he would rise again to the level of his grandfather—not now. We discussed this as he showed me about the spacious abode: kitchen, lanai, living room, the formal receiving room, the backyard—replete with wandering Alolan Exeggutor—and finally, his room.
For some reason, it surprised me how neat and organized it was. Because of his nature, prone to hurrying and to distraction, I thought it would be the stereotypical boy's room: clothes, both dirty and not, strewn about, dishes in need of washing on every exposed surface, posters hastily pinned to the walls. It was, however, nigh immaculate. Made of locally sourced wood, his furniture and the paneling on the walls created a dim, but inviting atmosphere. His curtains and sheets and rugs were bright like his personality. He didn't accessorize the space much, save the essentials like lamps and photographs. Above his bed hung a large, signed, framed poster of the Alolan Elite Four striking their signature type z-move poses. It made me smile. One of my favorite qualities of Hau's was how earnestly he idolized Hala, but not to the point of ruin. Unfortunately, his father couldn't shake off the shadow of his grandfather; at least Hau had found his own greatness.
"Heh, it's not much, but it's home. I really love how they captured Tutu for that picture." He nodded in the direction of where my gaze had lingered.
"I only hope that if I get to his age I have as much fighting spirit."
"Who are you telling!"
Suddenly I had no idea what to do with myself. The sensation that I both belonged here and that I was an interloper vied for supremacy. "When do you think Hala will be back?"
"I knew it. He's the one you really wanted to see. What's a kahuna to a member of the Elite Four..." His mock dejection won a snicker from me, but I detected the subtle insinuation that I must have come here for him alone, which in turn implied a certain intimacy that set my heart racing.
"You caught me." We smiled at one another, staring with an import I couldn't quite name, then looked away.
"Hey I gotta piss but while I'm out do you want anything to drink?"
"You got any Ludi-Cola?"
"I think there's still some left. I'm the only one that drinks it. Be right back!"
He clapped the back of my shoulder as he passed. It was almost tragic how such a slight gesture could excite me. But having never been friends with guys, and not being close to my father, these exchanges were still sort of new to me. He had a desk, where some papers and pictures in frames rested. As I examined the photos, I noticed a smaller one tucked behind another of a young Hau and Hala. I would have missed it had I not caught the glint of the silver frame. I trained my ear for the flush of the toilet and him walking toward the kitchen, then picked it up. I audibly gasped once I realized it was a picture of me, one I'd never seen. It was just after I'd been inducted into the Hall of Fame, with my team still gathered around me. They were all beaming with pride, and I looked, frankly, worn out. It was strange to see such a private memory captured in time, and from an outside point of view. I wondered what prompted him to take the snapshot, considering he must still have been smarting from his loss. Despite the exhaustion, I appeared... happy. Perfectly happy. I heard his footfalls drawing closer, quickly replaced the memento in as exact the place as I could recall, and sat in the chair by the desk.
"So, turns out there was only one left, but I let you have it since you're the guest! I'll make do with the Diet." The drinks were in tall glasses with bendy straws—utterly fitting. "Hey, why are you sitting there for like a stranger?" He crossed to what I assumed was his side of the bed, the one farthest from the door, set his Diet Ludi-Cola and my regular one down, flopped onto the bed not entirely gracefully, and patted the space next to him.
"C'mon, the sheets are clean I promise!"
"Heh, okay I'll take your word for it." I sat next to him, and took my soda from his outstretched hand.
"Cheers!" The clink resounded loudly in the quiet room, then he turned on the television. "What do you feel like watching? I could put on a movie if you want."
"Whatever you prefer, I don't mind."
"I've been so busy lately with the new position that I haven't really relaxed like this."
"I imagine it's a lot of work."
"No more so than being champion in six different Pokemon Leagues."
"Hau..."
He chuckled, and I could tell there was no duplicity behind his words. "I mean it. I'm so proud of you. You've done something no one else has..."
I tried to summon my usual reserves of false contentment and pride; all I could manage was a wan smile. In his presence it proved difficult to be anything but truthful, anything but my whole self. And the truth was that I didn't feel any more complete now than when I started. "You're right."
At this he frowned, and turned to me. "Hey, what's up? You should be proud of yourself, too..."
"I mean, I am. More so of my Pokemon. But... I don't know. Since I came home, and even before that, something has been missing. You said when you were chosen as kahuna by Tapu Koko that a part of you was completed. You'd think with every title I won I would feel that too. I probably sound so ungrateful..."
I started at my lap, unable to meet Hau's penetrative gaze. I felt a soft grip on my shoulder and shifted my focus to his face, moved by the concern I found there. "Not at all, Sun. It must have been lonely, traveling on your own for so long. As much as I want to see the world, I don't think I could have done it like you." The movement was sudden, fluid, and natural, like a comforting breeze just when you need it, when he pulled me into a hug. "I'm really sorry it wasn't what you hoped it would be..."
His heartbeat thudded in sync with mine, and I relaxed into his hold, unconsciously gripping his back with my hand. "I really missed you, Hau."
His chuckles' vibrations rocked my body gently, "Same here, Sun."
At this angle, I felt his lips move near my neck as he spoke, the warm exhalation as well. "I know I should have made more of an effort to keep in touch. I hope you never thought I forgot about you, or stopped caring. I didn't intend to be gone so long. I just thought... if I kept going, one region more, one region more, everything would fall into place. But nothing did. Before I knew it there were no more seats to claim, no more places to go—only home."
He pulled away, and shook his head. "No, I never thought any of that. I wasn't just sitting on my ass here myself, heh. These five years really flew by."
"Yeah..."
"Well, after all that, how about a comedy?"
"That'd be good."
As we lay there next to each other, the day's light dwindling away until it was replaced by torches outside, time nonetheless seemed to stop. There was only the soft sound of our breathing, beside the voices of the characters on the screen, and the occasional laugh from one of us. How natural to be like this, despite the fact that we had never spent proper time alone together. There were no awkward silences, no second-guessed movements. That unfortunately increased the pressure not to ruin it. I wondered when Hala would return, or when we'd be interrupted by the housekeeper for dinner. I wanted him for myself, not to be shared or relinquished. I hated this fear, this inability to simply make a decision and follow through like I had done in every other aspect of my life.
"Sun, Sun?"
"Huh?"
"Hah, I was calling your name for a second there. Spacing out? I know the movie isn't the best but..."
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something else."
"I don't want to pry, but since I saw you this morning you've been getting these serious looks on your face. Almost sad. Is... anything wrong?"
Great, I gave myself up. And now I was offered the chance to come clean or to sidestep my feelings. I didn't realize my thoughts were so obvious, or that Hau was so observant. In my quiet, he remained patient, not forcing anything out of me.
"Fear, is useless. You gotta go for what you want, or step aside. That's all there is to it."
I saw Volkner's profile outlined in the bold colors of the Sunyshore sunset. His eyes shone with a private thought, a private emotion. His features were rugged, handsome. I was still too young to properly feel a sense of desire, but he nonetheless intimidated me. After our match, and he cooly but complimentarily handed me my badge, we walked through the city together. My reputation had proceeded me, and he was curious to suss me out once all formalities were dispensed.
"I used to be a real sob story. There was a time here in Sinnoh where we lacked worthwhile trainers goin' after Cynthia's spot. Most who finally got to me were hardly worth the League's time, but I gave out the badge anyway. I was so bored that I modernized most of the city, and was responsible for the tech you see around you. People were gettin' worried about my depressive state. Luckily, a trainer with skill like yours came along and shook me to my core. He woke me up from my nightmare, and proved that there was a reason for me to keep being the Sunyshore Gym Leader. See, I was afraid that everything I worked for was nothin' after all, that it didn't matter how strong I was, or how much I loved my Electric team. No one would ever make my time worthwhile. It sounds dumb, but that's kinda how fears are. They're irrational, and keep us from bein' our fullest selves. You're a damn good trainer kid, only there's somethin' holding you back. You could have beaten me much faster. But it didn't seem like your heart was really in it. Heh, you reminded me of myself back in the day."
"Really...?"
"Yeah. Look, I'm not askin' you to spill your guts out. But you've got a responsibility, kid. You're the champion of four regions! Find what you're afraid of, and cut it out! Literally and figuratively. Don't end up like I did, tired and disappointed and worn out. Or worse, like the sorry-ass trainers who'd come my way. Be a champion, like the one you are. Otherwise, what's the point?"
His words were like arrows shot through me, stinging with each that proved true. I was more than half way through my quest and losing steam. I'd had more time to think about Hau, and what exactly he meant to me, and if it was possible that he meant more than battling itself. It seemed childish, so I cast the thought aside. But with each Gym and League it was harder and harder to pretend I was this Pokemon maverick. Volkner got two knockouts on me he shouldn't have, and it didn't even phase me, until this oblique scolding.
"My fear is that he's forgotten me." I spoke it evenly, without exaggeration. I watched the sun sink into the sea, while the lights of Sunyshore flickered into life. In the shadows of Volkner's face, I saw a smirk unfurl.
"Well, then conquer Sinnoh, Unova, and Kalos even faster."
I couldn't help but laugh. "I guess you're right."
"Hah, I'm a bit familiar with waitin' for your guy to return. Consider it a word from the wise."
"Thank you, Volkner."
"No problem, kid." He ruffled my hair and guided me to the Pokemon Center. "Tomorrow you'll beat the Elite Four. And you'll be that much closer."
Here I was, in his bed. Volkner's words echoed in my mind. 'Fear is useless.' What was the point in hesitating now? I slowly eased my hand toward Hau's, and took it in mine.
"Does this bother you?" My voice was foreign to me, not my own.
"No, why should it?"
I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, more a brushing than a kiss, our eyes so close as to forbid any lie. "And this?"
He chucked, and pulled me into another, one with more intent, care, and desire. "Nah, I was hoping you would."
We curled into each other, as though this were expected, rehearsed, our bodies primed with this knowledge and need for each other all along. He was gentle, not forcing anything that I didn't give. For a while we just held each other, dozing in and out of consciousness.
"You awake, Hau?"
"Hm... hah, kinda. You're so comfy."
"So are you."
"What's up?"
"When did you start feeling this way for me?"
"You mean, wanting you as more than a friend?"
"Yeah."
"Honestly? Right before you left."
"What...?"
"Are you surprised the space cadet got to the conclusion faster than you did?" I could feel his smile against my crown, head tucked underneath his chin as it was.
"You know I don't think you're dumb!"
"I know I know. But it's true you were always a bit quicker on the uptake. Well anyway, it's true. It's not like I was mature enough to know I was gay and in love with you, but I knew that I wanted to be around you all the time, that you were special in a way no one else was. Do you remember when you went off alone to Po Town? I almost cried worrying about you, and being so mad that it was my fault and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to protect you. But in the end, you didn't need protecting."
"Then, why didn't you..."
"What, tell you how I felt, and make you feel guilty for leaving on your adventure? I couldn't do that. It wouldn't have been fair to either of us."
"Maybe, but still. You just...kept that to yourself for five years?"
"Well I didn't think you'd be gone so long!"
"Hah, good point"
"And besides, I knew you'd be back." He gave me a loving squeeze, and I knew I had done the right thing. "What about you?"
"When I knew?"
"Mhmm."
"I had moments that I can still remember so clearly where you meant the world to me. But I didn't fully realize it until during my trip. I befriended a few Gym Leaders who saw right through me. And they all spoke about my thoughts being elsewhere, or sensing that my heart wasn't really in it. One even prophesied that we would end up together."
"No way!"
"Yeah, way. I would think about how you constantly supported me during our time traveling together, even though we were technically rivals. How you shared your Big Malasada with me after our first time at the Aether Foundation. The way you called me your hero as we battled at the Pokemon League. I knew it all added up to something... But I just didn't know it would be love. Until of course I was several regions in, and was afraid love would make me weak, that I had to dedicate myself to battling, even though I had nothing to prove and no reason to. I needed to find my own path, which as it turns out, was back to you."
We turned to each other, our noses brushing softly, before our lips met once again. It all seemed so impossible, and cliché, but I meant every word. I neglected to consider the possibility that my path, my goal, my purpose, could be terribly simple, and could be spelled with only three letters: H, A, U. My home began and ended, it turned out, in his arms. I smiled and started laughing, which made Hau naturally crack up as well.
"What's so funny, Sun?"
"Nothing. I just didn't know you could be so happy."