This is how the war begins. All wings engage. Interceptors 3 and 4 take bogies two o'clock angel six. QUACK! Do you see that? I see it. This is not a skirmish. This is not air space confusion. This is not a terrorist action. This is it. The Union's making their play.

Dum de deet, dum de doot.

I just love low hanging fruit.

The city of Argus. A thinly veiled knockoff of San Francisco where the weather is cold and the cunts are colder. And with it being as fabulous a place as San Francisco, the opportunity was ripe for some...

R-E-P-R-E-S-E-N-T-A-T-I-O-N

So we finally met another member of the Arc family. And she was totally GAY!

WHAT A TWIST!

And you know what that means, right? You know? You fucking know!

Time to update this shitty little story! Oh I know you want it. I can tell how badly you want it. "Look, Troumvirate! Another gay character! You know what you gotta do now, right?"

Yeah. I know what I have to do.

Jaune Arc was in the living room of his sister's house. It was fabulous, decorated as prettily as you'd expect for a gay couple. But then again aren't lesbians supposed to be butch? Saphron and Terra are not a good representation of a lesbian couple. They're like, pornstar lesbian levels of attractive. And that's not accurate at all. Lesbians in the real world aren't hot. Sorry, they aren't.

So this is just proof that representation in RWBY isn't supposed to be realistic or accurate. It's all about getting off to two attractive women fucking. Checkmate, shippers.

Anyway, it was late, and Jaune was the only one still up. Little did everyone in the home know, but he was a double agent. He had been sent by Raven to take out another confirmed lesbian. Remember how I set up Velvet in the last chapter? Well, much like Rooster Teeth, I've decided to ignore what I've built up in the past in favor of something spontaneous and instantly gratifying.

Looking at you, Maidens.

Terra walked into the room wearing her pajamas. "You're up late, Jaune," she commented. "Trouble sleeping?"

Oh he wouldn't be the only one who would have trouble sleeping tonight. He stood up, eyes locked onto his sister in law's. "Terra. I've come for you."

"Funny, your sister said that to me last night too."

Jaune tried to push the sexual imagery of his sister out of his mind. Lesbian or not, that was a line he didn't want to cross... or did he?

That's for the fans to decide.

"Terra, your lesbianism is obvious for all to see. Your display of handholding was sickening. How dare you sully such a great show with your debauchery!"

"Lesbian? I'm not a lesbian."

Jaune looked at her as if she had just admitted to being the head writer of volume 5. "What the fuck are you talking about? How are you going to say that you of all people are not a lesbian."

"Because I'm not. I'm bisexual."

Jaune dot dot dotted. "Huh?"

"All characters are bisexual until proven otherwise, remember?" Terra reminded him. "Even though girls like Weiss and Yang have shown romantic interest in men, they've never been confirmed to be heterosexual. Therefore cunts are still on the table for them."

Jaune nodded in agreement. "Yes. Of course. This is the way of RWBY. Everyone's bisexual unless explicitly stated otherwise like Ilia. That's why fucking her was so great."

"The same is true for me," Terra said. "Just because I'm canonically in a relationship with another woman doesn't mean I also don't enjoy a penis from time to time."

This time Jaune shook his head wildly. "No! It doesn't work that way! It only works with turning straight characters into gay ones! You can't do it in reverse! That's... that's like whitewashing! It's fine if you turn Ironman into a black teenage girl, but FUCK YOU IF YOU TURN A MINORITY INTO A WHITE PERSON!"

"Jaune. It has to go both ways. If you want everyone to be bisexual, it has to go for characters who are shown to be in same-sex relationships too."

"But if you're not a lesbian how can I cure you?"

"The answer is very simple, actually. Why don't I-"

The end.

This story is being cancelled. All focus will be diverted to Gen:Lock fan fiction.

So bye, bye Are Double You Bee Why,

Tried to double dip with ships by making everyone bi,

And them good old shippers whine and bitch and cry,

It's because of you that RWBY will die,

'Cause of you that RWBY will die...