Summary: The Boar Hat tavern is a great place to have a few drinks, hang out with friends, and kick back for a bit... but not so much when you are trying to have a quiet moment with your girlfriend.

A/N: Welcome to this oneshot! This is the brain child of my good friend my-secret-sketchpad over on Tumblr. She absolutely loves King and Diane, and we both agreed there should be more fics for this couple. She had this great little idea for a cute Kiane story, so I immediately set off a smoke screen and stole it right out of her hands, including the title which she so graciously provided. I've also set this in the future but used the old Boar Hat design, because I loved the old Boar Hat, and I'm the author so I can do what I want. Please enjoy!

"You can do this, you can do this, you can do this," King muttered to himself. He took a deep breath, drawing his shoulders up and back. Raising his chin up, he let the air slowly escape through his lips, then swallowed and said, "Diane, will you marry me?"

He blinked at Oslow, who blinked back. "Well?" King demanded.

"Booou?" the hound replied.

Heaving a sigh, he slumped forward, Chastiefol there to catch him before he hit the ground. "I can't believe I have to practice on a dog." There was an annoyed growl, and King smiled sheepishly. "Okay, okay, sorry."

The hound batted him with his nose, and King swished his palm to push him away. "I'm going." Oslow bared his teeth in a grin as the fairy straightened his shirt and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "You can do this," he whispered.

King walked to the edge of the lookout balcony and peered over. Hawk Mama had dug in for the night, taking a well-deserved rest after moving them many miles that day. They were somewhere in the middle of nowhere, not a town in sight, the only lights coming from the fading twilight and the well-lit bar itself.

For once, the bar was peaceful and quiet. Usually if it wasn't filled with patrons, there was any array of Holy Knights travelling with them, and even when it was just them, there was usually some ruckus going on. But not tonight… and Harlequin was not sure if that was a good thing or not.

It was hard to see in the fading light, so King called softly, "Diane? Are you there?" No answer came, so he said again, a bit louder, "Diane?"

Still nothing. King sighed. "She must be-"

"Here I am!" The giantess appeared suddenly right next to the balcony, causing King to scream in fright and jump a foot from the floor. "Oh! I'm sorry!" Diane exclaimed, beaming at him. "Guess I scared you, huh?"

"It's… all right," he gasped, clutching his chest and catching his breath. "I didn't think you heard me."

"Of course I did, silly." Diane leaned closer, her chin hovering above the railing, her eyes going soft for a moment. "I am always here for you, King."

Quickly he cleared his throat, his face beginning to burn. "Uh, good. Yes. Um…" King looked up at her, a lump forming in his throat. Diane was looking at him expectantly, and it was very easy to get a bit lost in the beautiful eyes and sweet smile before him. "I… well…"

"Yes?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he said in a rush. "But uh…" King peered over the railing. "I was hoping to do it… somewhere private."

"Oh!" exclaimed Diane. She stood up a bit, thinking for a moment, before her eyes lit up with an idea. "Oh, I know! Why don't I take a shrinking tablet? Then I can come to you!"

King frowned. "Uh, I don't know if-Diane!"

He was cut off as she leapt straight into the air, calling out, "Make sure you catch me, Harlequin!" His eyes grew larger as he watched her pop something in her mouth on the way up; then, as she descended back to the ground, she began rapidly shrinking. For a long moment, King simply watched, amazed. But soon he realized that she was going to be human-sized well before reaching the bar, and if something didn't stop her fall, she was going to crash.

Calling for Chastiefol, the pillow zipped out, seemingly knowing what to do. Seconds later it caught Diane safely, and she bounced with a yelp from the green cushion and landed easily onto the balcony. "There we are!" she laughed, catching her breath. "Thanks, Harlequin!"

She walked over to him, her hands clasped behind her back, and gave him another small smile. "Now," she purred, "what did you want to talk about?"

"Uh… Diane…" King could barely form the words, his eyes darting in every direction except at the beautiful girl in front of him. "Your… clothes…"

"Oh!" She looked down at her nakedness with a shrug. "I almost didn't realize. Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Everyone saw me naked when we were fighting Chandler, right?" Diane laughed again, linking an arm through King's. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

Nothing he hadn't seen before, and nothing he was used to yet, either. "Let's, uh, get you something anyway. Can't be catching a cold!" Trying his best to keep his eyes averted, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the window. It isn't as if he didn't want to look-on the contrary, he wanted to look a lot, and often, while doing other things-but his nerves were already so on edge from his task and her trick with the tablet that King thought he wouldn't be able to get out a single word if she remained unclothed. He could hear her make a small pouting noise, but ignored it as he opened the window and ushered her inside the attic.

It was dark inside, and the fairy turned around in the dimly lit room, looking for a lamp. "You know, King," Diane said softly, "we're all alone up here."

King froze. "Diane?" he whispered, and then two hands were on his shoulders, followed by two lips pressed on his.

It wasn't the first time he had kissed her-or rather, she had kissed him-and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. But every time sent a thrill through him, an incredible little jolt of pleasure and happiness and this fierceness that seemed to only awake when she was around. So King allowed himself to just enjoy the feel of her warm mouth and the sound of her little sigh, letting his breathing slow down as he matched his heartbeat to hers.

That is, until she pressed against him, and King remembered what they were doing inside.

Quickly he broke the kiss. "Come on, l-let's find you some clothes!" he stammered, sweat breaking out on his brow. "Do you see a lamp?"

"No, King, but-"

"Here's one."

That was not her, and they both jumped. King reached out instinctively for Diane's arm at the sound of the intruder's voice. But a second later there was a little flare of a match followed by the soft glow of a lamp, illuminating the room in yellow light and revealing the owner of that voice.

"Gowther!" King growled. "What are you doing in here?"

"I was reading," he replied.

"In the dark?" asked Diane.

Gowther nodded. "I have excellent night vision." He tilted his head to the side, looking at them curiously. "Diane isn't wearing any clothes. Are you about to engage in some amorous activity?"

Diane giggled, but King muttered, "Not with you here."

"My apologies," Gowther nodded. "Shall I turn in the other direction? Will that suffice, or shall I leave you alone?"

"Yes!" Diane answered, but King objected, "No, Gowther, it's fine. Can you help me find Diane something to wear?"

At once the Goat Sin was up and opening a trunk, pulling out clothing that had been packed away. Soon a dress was found that fit Diane nicely, hugging her curves and falling just above the knee. "How do I look?" she asked, twirling around.

"Lovely," King sighed, and then caught sight of how bare she was underneath as the skirt lifted. He cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment and took her hand again. "Let's leave Gowther to his reading. My room is just downstairs."

Diane's eyes lit up. "Your room, Harlequin?" she teased. He ignored her and led her to the door, and as she called a goodbye and thank you, they hurried down the attic stairs to the third floor.

The room he had been sharing with Ban was straight ahead, and together they entered only to be surprised to find Escanor there. "What are you doing in my room?" he demanded.

"S-sorry! Sorry!" Escanor dropped what he was holding into a large washing tub in front of him, the contents making a splash sound and leaving foamy water on the floor. "I didn't think anyone was in here!"

"No one was because it's my room!" fumed King. "Get out!"

Escanor pushed his glasses up his nose, visibly shaking now. "I-I-I-don't know if-I mean to say-that is-"

"What is all this anyway?" asked Diane as she looked around.

The entire room was covered in clothing, the pieces draped over every available surface: the bed, the chairs, King's hammock, the dressers, the table, even the little locked chest King kept to keep his important things away from Ban. "I'm doing laundry," Escanor replied.

"I see that," seethed King, "but why are you doing it here?"

"It seemed the best-I thought-well the room was unoccupied-and I-"

"Is this all your stuff?" Diane asked, picking up a long, dark cloak.

Escanor hurried over, taking the damp cloak from her and laying it carefully back on the desk it had been draped across. "Oh goodness no," he said hurriedly. "This is all Lady Merlin's laundry."

Diane folded her arms. "Well, why doesn't she just use magic or something?"

"No no no, Lady Merlin is much much too busy to concern herself with such dreadful and unimportant tasks." Escanor then stood up a bit straighter, a bit of pride now showing in his stance. "I offered to help her by doing all the laundry."

"But why-"

"Just leave it," King groaned, pushing Diane back towards the door. "We'll go downstairs. And Escanor!" he called over his shoulder. "This better all be cleaned up!"

"Of course!" the Lion Sin called after them. As they headed down the next flight of stairs, Diane was continuing to wonder aloud about Merlin. "It makes no sense," she said as they rounded the corner of the landing. "She is a mage, she can just make the dirt in her clothes disappear. Why would she have Escanor doing it?"

King sighed as he tried the door to the Captain's room, relieved to find it unlocked. "Maybe she doesn't have cleaning magic."

Diane followed him in, continuing as he shut the door behind him, "Harlequin, she rebuilt a castle. I find it hard to believe she can't wash a shirt with magic."

"Okay, just forget the laundry for a second." He took her hand and led her towards the window, which had been left open to let in the night air, a light breeze lifting just a few stray tendrils around Diane's face. The the first few stars were now visible in the twilight sky, dotting the dark canvas. It was perfect, and quiet, and when he turned to face Diane, his heart fluttered a bit to see her silhouette outlined in the silvery light, her eyes sparkling a bit with a twinkle. "Diane?" he began, his voice deep with emotion, and surprisingly without any wavering.

She gave him a small smile. "Yes?" she whispered.

Drawing a bit closer, he held both of her hands in his. Turning them over so he could slide his palms under hers, his thumbs brushed over her fingers, marveling for a moment at how delicate and beautiful they were, even after all of the battles she had fought with them, with all the power that was hidden beneath the surface. He thought for a moment how perfect her hands were, and how much they reminded him of her, beautiful and feminine on the outside, but strong and steady on the inside.

Weaving his fingers with hers, he said quietly, "I have a question to ask you."

"You do?" She drew closer, then, and King could feel their bodies nearly touching. He looked up to see her gaze hooded, focused on him, the mouth he had kissed minutes before slightly open, a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks. "What is it?"

She was perfect, this was perfect, a perfect moment that he knew they would remember forever. King opened his mouth to ask the question he had been wanting to for years, but then frowned. "What is that smell?"

"What?"

Sniffing, King looked around. "Do you smell that?"

Diane responded, but he wasn't paying any attention, trying to pinpoint the source of the odor which was now all he could think about. He let go of her hands and moved around the room, pausing occasionally to sniff a bit, but it seemed to be everywhere. "It's awful," he said.

"Yeah, it is pretty bad," Diane agreed quietly.

"Come on, let's get out of here." With a last noise of disgust, King once more took her hand and led her from the room, closing the door behind them. "I don't know what Captain and Elizabeth are doing in there," King said as they walked down the rest of the stairs, "but it's disgusting."

"What's disgusting?" They entered the main room of the tavern to find the two owners of the odiferous room on opposite sides of the bar. Elizabeth sat on a stool, sorting utensils, as Meliodas wiped them down. Both turned to the couple that now entered, and King crossed towards them.

"Your room," he answered. "It stinks."

"What were you doing in my room?" demanded Meliodas.

King turned a bright shade of pink. "None of your business."

"It's my business because it was in my room," replied the Captain.

Without a response to that, King looked at the princess. "Do you know what it is?"

Elizabeth nodded, blushing herself a bit. "Yes, well, we found-something rather unpleasant in there."

"Unpleasant?" Diane slipped into the bar stool next to hers. "What do you mean?"

Meliodas and Elizabeth exchanged a look, and together they answered, "Hawk."

"It wasn't his fault though!" Elizabeth hurried on to explain.

The Captain put his hands on his hips. "Not his fault!" he barked. "That porker has been storing scraps all over our room! We found rotten food in the floorboards."

"Well, perhaps if you hadn't told him he was getting cut off, he wouldn't have felt the need to do so," Elizabeth pointed out.

"Hawk's been hoarding food?" Diane asked.

"Yeah," sighed the Dragon Sin. "We came down here to let the room air out a bit. It was even worse before."

King wrinkled his nose. Of course that perfect moment just had to be ruined by something so awful! "Come on, Diane," he whispered to her, and the giantess hopped up and followed him into the adjacent anteroom. Here, they could go straight ahead to the restrooms, to the left to the storage, or to the right to the kitchen. Making a quick decision of left instead of right-no way he was asking Diane to marry him in the bathroom-he immediately regretted it when the sound of wailing greeting him when the door was opened.

"My scraps! My scraaaaaaaaaps!"

"Nevermind." With that, the couple turned and walked into the kitchen together.

Inside, they found Ban and Elaine wrapped up in a very romantic embrace. "You guys!" squealed Diane, and the two broke away from their kiss to turn in surprise.

"King!" Elaine exclaimed from where she sat perched on the counter. "Diane!"

"What're you doin' here~?" Ban growled, folding his arms.

"Sorry to interrupt," Diane said in a teasing sing-song. "We were just looking for somewhere private."

Elaine giggled. "Oooooooo, somewhere private, hmmm, big brother?"

"Quit it," King grumbled, but Ban waved them off. "Well this room is occupied, got it? Elaine and I are working on tomorrow's service."

Diane snorted. "It didn't look like that's what you were doing."

Ban stepped up, using his tall frame to tower over them in an effort to be intimidating. "None of your business what we're doin' in here. Now let me show ya the dooooor~"

The Fox Sin gestured as if to grab a hold of Diane, but King stepped in between, trying to push him back. "Hey!" he shouted. "Don't touch her!"

"King!" Elaine yelped while Diane cried, "Harlequin, I can handle him!"

But King ignored both of the girls. "Back off," he growled in warning.

There was a tense moment as the two stared down one another; but then it was broken when Ban gave a whooping laugh. "Like I wanna fight a fairy," he snorted, turning away and shoving his hands in his pockets.

It was Diane's turn to pull a fuming King through the back door. He wanted to go back and teach Ban a lesson, but was mildly satisfied when he heard Elaine scold, "What did you mean when you said fairy like that!" as Ban hastily replied, "Sweetheart, you know I didn't mean it like that!"

As they walked away from the tavern, a shrill "Don't you sweetheart me!" came from behind them, and Diane erupted into giggles. "I'd hate to be Ban right now," she chuckled.

"Yeah." Together they strolled a bit towards the trees, and King sighed as he looked up at the sky, now fully night.

"Hey King?" He felt Diane's arm link through his. "What did you want to ask me?"

"Oh, uh…" Clearing his throat, King stopped. Then he looked at her with a sigh and said, "It's nothing important. The mood is kind of ruined anyway."

"Oh." Diane's voice was small, and they stood together awkwardly, both staring at the ground. Then she surprised him by saying, "You know, there's been something I've been meaning to ask you, Harlequin."

"There was?" he asked, his eyes jerking over to look at her. "I mean, there is?"

Diane nodded. She bit her lip shyly, and then moved so they were face-to-face, holding hands. "Well," she said softly. "I wanted to know… King, will you marry me?"

"What? No!"

Realizing instantly what he said, he held up his palms, waving them frantically as Diane gaped at him. "No! I mean, yes! Yes! I didn't mean that!"

"Harlequin," Diane said in disbelief, and quickly he grabbed her. Pulling her against him, he did the only thing he could think of: he wrapped his arms around her waist, bent her down into a bit of a dip, and kissed her.

Diane's hands flew immediately to his shoulders as she yelped into his mouth. "King! What-"

He cut her off with another kiss, then another, until she was finally limp in his arms. Diane kissed him back, their mouths moving in a slow rhythm, his hands firm on her back, her hands sliding deliciously through his hair.

Finally he pulled away and looked down at her flushed cheeks and wide eyes. "Yes," he said. "I want to marry you. I had just wanted to ask you myself is all."

"Silly King," she sighed, her hands sliding so her thumbs could brush his temples. "Ask me now."

Slowly he stood her back up, keeping his arms around him. It was quiet, and still, the only sound his own heartbeat. It was as if all of Britannia had paused just then in anticipation of this moment. "Diane, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" she cried, throwing her arms around his neck. Then cheers went up from behind them, and the couple turned to see Ban and Meliodas hollering at the kitchen window, Elaine and Elizabeth jumping up and down at the back door, and Escanor and Gowther waving from the second floor balcony. Even Merlin was peeking out of a window, smiling.

"My brother's getting married!" Elaine wailed, leaning against Elizabeth who hugged her and laughed. "It's about time!"

Diane erupted into giggles and took a step towards the bar, but King yanked on her hand and pulled her into the trees. "What! Where are we going?" she yelped.

A chorus of disappointed calls to come back following them. "Come back! We have to pick out dresses!" Elaine yelled.

"We gotta have a toast!" Meliodas called.

"Or twenty!" Ban added.

"I've been looking for a private spot all night," King muttered. "And I'm gonna find one if it kills me." Diane laughed again, like music to his ears, and together they hurried into the trees to have some well-deserved celebrations of their own.