PART FIFTEEN

Imzadi

When Michael Burnham went into early labor Gabriel was meeting Agent York. He hadn't properly gotten the chance to thank the operative since his return, but his motives weren't entirely to show his appreciation.

They met in a cafe located on the secure and secret starbase. Gabriel had had his suspicions. He knew whoever these people were they did not operate in tandem with Starfleet or the Federation, that much he had deduced. Whoever they were, they had great power and influence that stretched far and wide.

They entertained diplomates, admirals, heads of state from various worlds. It was a colorful and rich bevy of faces, some who recognized Gabriel but he did not know them. It was strange to have so many people inquire about his well being who claimed to have known him but that he didn't remember. Every day he prepared himself for such an encounter.

But the thoughts that plagued Gabriel today weren't on the many faces he met and re-met almost on a daily basis. It wasn't the memory of guilt he held over the loss of lives he couldn't remember, it wasn't a feeling of grief he felt when he looked back on the last moment of his captor's life. He knew that Agent York might be able to give him some answers if not all of them.

The secret agent was prompt and smiled in a friendly way that might have put Gabriel's counterparts at ease but an instinct to be weary of Richard York stayed present in the captain's mind.

"Thank you for meeting me," Gabriel began without delay. "I need to know what this all is."

Richard pressed the tip of his tongue to his front teeth in thought, removed an apple from his pocket and began peeling it precisely.

"How is your recovery treating you?" Richard asked instead. Gabriel knew a deflection when he saw it. Judging by his research into his own past he knew he was seen as a brilliant military tactician, he had instincts that even with the loss of his memory still hadn't faded. York might appear to be a friend, but he wasn't to be trusted.

"Fine. Who are you?" Gabriel attempted to get back on topic.

"One thing at a time," Richard chided gently. "What do you know?"

"I know you and the crew of this starbase operate with perhaps unlimited power," Gabriel began, York nodding. "I know you have a team working round the clock to restore my memory to nearly its entirety, hence all of the tests I've endured but their progress is slow."

York broke off a piece of apple peel, presenting it to Gabriel who declined, he ate it himself with an audible crunch.

"And...?" York waited.

"And somehow Michael is the catalyst to all this." Gabriel concluded.

"Bingo!" York exclaimed happily. "Tit for tat, Captain Lorca. We provide a service you just... provide service. Get my drift?"

York added a wink for emphasises. It left a sour taste in Gabriel's mouth.

"Can you elaborate?" Gabriel inquired further.

"Commander Burnham wanted you back as did my superiors. You were seen as an asset to us. However we did not foresee the loss of your memory. If it doesn't entirely return we'll have to cut you loose. You'll go back to... whatever it is regular people like you would do. Civilian life, private sector."

"And Michael?"

The question was weighed on the scales, heavily. One side weakening and crumbling, the other ready to spring away.

"She is still seen as valuable." York admitted. "There is no reason to-"

"Cut her loose." Gabriel finished for the agent, who nodded simply.

"But... her child..."

"Would be given every opportunity in the world. And besides, aren't you a little old to be thinking of fatherhood?"

Gabriel slammed his hand down on the table, causing many patrons to stop what they were doing. He didn't attempt to compose himself. He had been kept in, what had Michael called it...?

A bubble... they had been purposely keeping him dumbed down, spoon feeding him little bits of information here and there. They didn't want him anymore because he had nothing to offer them.

Whatever important information or secrets his old self had were lost, perhaps, for good. But Michael... his child. His daughter. This is what she had meant when she had spoken of sacrifice. In lew of not having him with her to make the decision to sell their lives to save his, she had made it alone and he assumed without hesitation. She had sold her own future to save him.

Michael had forfeited everything on the hope he would come back alive and in one piece. But he was only half a man now. Half the man he had been. He could see it in her eyes. And yet in the deepest parts of himself, despite his hesitation and his anxiety, he knew he loved her regardless.

And he knew he loved her child- their child.

"I won't be parted from her again," Gabriel said finitely. "Where she goes I go."

"And if she doesn't want you to?" York asked, as if the Gabriel hadn't already thought of it. But Gabriel had thought of that many times in the weeks since he had last seen Michael.

"I would rather hear that from her than you, if you don't mind." Gabriel said strongly.

York opened his mouth to speak when his communicator beeped. He sighed and answered it.

"York here."

"Sir, Commander Burnham has gone into labor. She requests Captain Lorca."

York was barely to his feet when Gabriel was already halfway out the door. Groaning he stuffed the rest of the apple peel into his mouth and ran after the older man.

Gabriel waited at a turbolift, ringing his hands and breathing deeply.

"Relax, old chap, don't want to get too attached." York said, resting his shoulder against the wall.

"Fuck off." Gabriel snapped.

"Is that anyway to treat your savior?"

The doors slid open and Gabriel nearly knocked the four people exiting it out of the way.

"Sickbay." He ordered, York quickly beside him. "It means something that she wants me there."

"Might just need someone to scream at, after all it's not like you'll be around long enough to see it graduate." York commented snidely.

Feeling confident in his next move, landed a blow to York's collarbone, effectively knocking the wind out of the younger man and seasoned agent. Shoving him into the wall he held a hand on York's shoulder as he coughed and wheezed.

"Listen to me you little shit," Gabriel said darkly, "I've been back and forth across these stars a lot longer than you've been alive. I was beating bastards like you at war before you were even a thought in your daddy's balls. I've done and seen things that would make a little stain like you piss their pants. You have anything else you want to say about me that's fine, but you mention one more thing about my child and I swear I will show you what real pain feels like."

Gabriel shoved himself away from the young man, who only stared at the captain in shock. He had taken him by surprise. Gabriel got the sense York wasn't used to that. But he felt like... he felt like he had put an old jacket on. He felt familiar. Things seemed to focus more.

The turbolift doors slid open and he stormed out, not caring if York followed him or not. Entering sickbay he was shown to Michael's small room. She lay there, staring at the ceiling while a nurse busied about.

"Gabriel." Michael said, sitting up. He took her hand and kissed her forehead.

"Am I late?" He asked with a smile, she only stared at him. If he had felt familiar to himself then he visibly looked familiar to Michael now.

"I'm sorry," she said finding her voice again. "I'm sorry I said those things. I realize now it doesn't matter-"

"Shh... it's ok, sweetheart." He said gently, squeezing her hand.

"I'm scared." She admitted, her eyes darting about, hoping no one had heard her.

"Me too." He confided.

The doctor entered, a slim woman with a red ponytail.

"Commander Burnham, the nurses have you prepped, we're just waiting for you dilate a few more centimeters." The doctor informed her, holding a tablet in her hand that took Michael's vitals. "How do you feel?"

Michael squinted.

"Like I'm both trying and not trying to push a human being out of my vagina." She answered curtly. The doctor snorted.

"Best and most honest answer I've had all day." The doctor replied.

"I'm worried about her weight and she's a month early," Michael said, her tone changing, her hand resting over her bump.

"It's perfectly normal, Michael," the doctor assured her. "What we want to look at is her heart, lungs, brain. I promise your baby is going to be fine."

Michael swallowed, wanting to believe the doctor but her imagination couldn't stop picturing everything that could go wrong. Gabriel noticed this.

"Hey," he said, taking her attention away from the monitors of her baby's heart. "I remembered something this morning. The day we met."

Michael smiled and a tear slipped from her eye.

"Are you just saying that?" She asked and he saw her face contort with another contraction.

Keep her mind off the pain, he reminded himself.

"No, no, I promise, I remembered. I tried not to let you see how intimidated I was."

Michael laughed but it was pained.

"You? Intimidated?"

"God yes. You walked into my ready room like you owned the place."

The doctor swiveled over, Michael's legs adjusted in the stirrups.

"Almost there, Michael," the doctor said scooting over in her stool, a white mask over her face, a nurse at the ready.

"I thought you were so- ah- arrogant." She said.

"Michael, I don't mean to interrupt but you need to focus on your breathing."

Nodding she began taking deep breaths.

"That's it, breathe through the pain, you can start pushing now. You'll know how, I promise. That it's. Just like in your classes."

Gabriel watched, he felt, he felt a balloon swell in his chest. He wasn't sure if any of this was normal or going completely one hundred percent according to plan. He knew he had never been present for a human birth, a horse perhaps...

"Breathe, good job, Michael," the doctor coached. She was good at her job, he liked her.

Michael clenched hard on his hand and he had never seen someone be so strong and so brave before.

"Push, push again."

Michael gasped and gathered herself.

"It hurts." She looked at Gabriel and he felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He moved as close as he was able to her from where he sat until their foreheads pressed together. He felt her breathing hard against his face, her sweat at her brow.

"I see the head!" The doctor exclaimed. "You're almost there, Michael. Give me one more big push, deep breath and push."

Gabriel felt Michael inhale deeply, he looked into her eyes and she gazed back, and in that moment... he saw everything. He saw the universe in her eyes, the first time he kissed her, the first time he wanted to kiss her... he saw the other place, he saw his feelings in the moments where he wanted to tell her how he felt.

Gabriel saw his and their life together materialized in her dark orbs. The only thing that took him from the moment was the sound of his daughter crying. And then everything stopped being about them and became about her.

"A healthy baby girl, ten fingers ten toes." The doctor said warmly. "Dad, want to cut the cord?"

In the woman's gloved hands was his child, being wiped and warmed.

Gabriel, in his daze, dumbly turned to the doctor. The doctor held his daughter in her hands, she was red and purple and her eyes were closed in a taught squint but she cried all the same.

"Come on, don't be shy," the doctor told him gently. With shaking hands, he was forced to steady, he cut the cord. When it was done she was dried off, warmed further and brought to Michael's arms. They both looked beautiful to him. The baby wasn't fair, she looked like her mother, her hair dark. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, she still whimpered and cried.

Michael immediately laid her on her chest and soothed her with her voice and her heartbeat. Soon, the baby calmed, gripping Michael's flesh in her tiny hands.

Gabriel helped give Michael and the baby a bath, the water shallow. He had never seen her so natural before. She looked like the goddess Artemis in the wood, the Celestial Woman of his dreams incarnate.

She looked like Venus, Mona Lisa, Flaming June... there was no shame in the way she smiled at her child, swollen and sore from childbirth but abundantly happy all the same. There was no pain he could see on her face, only marvel.

The child was faultless to them, and her eyes... they were of her father's like. Endlessly blue, the cosmos dancing in them.

Looking at him, bare and private with only himself and their child, she stared.

"We did this." She said almost in disbelief. He placed a hand on her wet and naked back.

"We did."

Lying together in the bed with the child between them he remembered when she had been injured and they had slept like this. But this was different. This was new life. This was genesis for both of them.

"Have you thought of a name?" He asked her and she shook her head.

"I thought I would know when we met but..." she shrugged. He cleared his throat.

"I... might have one."

Michael sighed.

"Not Hollis." She reaffirmed her position on that. He chuckled.

"No. The Betazoid people have a word, it's personal and special and..." he seemed unsure.

"What is it?" She asked, her curiosity peaked.

"Imzadi. It means beloved."

Michael said the name a few times, looking down at her daughter.

"Imzadi, no boys until your eighteen. Imzadi, do your homework. Imzadi, stop picking on your dad, he's old." They laughed together. "Imzadi," she pressed her lips to her baby's soft little head. "You are so loved."

"You like it?" He asked and she nodded. His chest swelled even further.

"Imzadi Philippa Lorca."

Michael rested, slept well, and when she woke her daughter was wide awake. Gabriel had rolled onto his back at some point, still sleeping deeply. Lifting herself from the bed, the painkillers the nurses had administered eased her walk. She cradled Imzadi, bringing her to the viewing window.

"It's a great wide, wonderful universe out there," she said quietly to the baby. "It's frightening and beautiful all at once. Sometimes you can't keep up with how fast it moves. But it's for you, Imzadi. It will always be there for you, waiting."

Michael and Gabriel rarely left his quarters, choosing instead to disconnect themselves from everything that surrounded them, instead cultivating their small family unit.

Watching Imzadi gaze at them through her blue eyes, Michael traced little circles on her chubby cheek while Gabriel marveled at how strong his daughter was gripping his finger in her small fist.

"Let's have another one," he said, only half joking.

Michael gave him a contented but narrow grin.

"Let's wait until this one can at least say 'mama'." Imzadi hiccupped and it caused a swell of pride to balloon inside her at something so insignificant.

Michael realized that when you became a parent everything your child did was a miracle; no other child had ever come close to her own, no one had ever had such a brilliant baby. The cliches surrounding newborns were true, everything they did was adorable and no matter how many billions of babies had already been born yours was singularly better than all the rest.

Michael had experienced what unconditional love for another person had felt like; but this was immensely different. Gabriel completed her in every way but Imzadi gave her something else: she made Michael strive to be better.

Seeing Gabriel cradle their child close to his chest and gently rock her when she cried throughout the night never ceased to amaze Michael. When they had first met she could have never pictured him doing such a thing. With his memory returning their new found familial bliss was even stronger than it would have been if it hadn't come back to him.

Michael found herself thinking, imagining and wishing for things she never had given any credence to before. She imagined their future in different ways now. With Imzadi nestled between them as their anchor to their new life together.

Imzadi reminded Michael that the time for recklessness, selfishness and self importance was over. Nothing seemed more fruitful to her than to be a mother. And yet... the stars called to her.

And there was the ever present shadow looming over them, it surrounded them at every turn: Section 31.

It was the elephant in the room, the fly in the ointment. It would need to be acknowledged eventually.

But not now.

Michael felt recovered and Imzadi was proving to be a very restful child, choosing sleep now over all other things, except formula of course. The first few weeks had been filled with sleepless nights but soon she slept peacefully and happily. It worried Michael at first, shouldn't babies never stop screaming?

Her research on the matter proved unhelpful. Every baby was different. Some never sleep through the night until they're older, others take to it right away. At first Imzadi hadn't wanted to breast feed, it had been a struggle Michael felt like she was losing until Gabriel reminded her it was just another challenge. She persisted and soon her daughter suckled at her breast.

Her body had changed. Her breasts felt heavier but not as sore from milk, but Imzadi's feeding time reminded her that she wasn't out of the woods yet as far as the pain to her nipples went.

But her stomach had returned to normal and she exercised regularly to remain in good health and shape. Carrying Imzadi to and fro proved to be its own workout as her child's weight increased daily.

On her first checkup after birth, the doctor commented that she was a perfectly healthy weight but expect her to most likely be very tall, a gene from Michael's own biological father.

Michael thought it was a little too ambitious for a doctor to gamble on such things as height. But already her daughter seemed to be growing out of her newborn clothes right away.

The old earth saying, "they grow up so fast" had never seemed more true to Michael before.

It was a night where Imzadi seemed to be sleeping through out, Michael and Gabriel stayed up to talk on the sofa. The small living room was located near both bedrooms, open concept allowed for a kitchenette adjacent.

Michael briefly had an image of sneaking out of bed one night and seeing her own parents in such a way; shrouded in the warm glow of a film or nightlight.

"Fatherhood suits you," she said, they had barely spoken for a time, instead only enjoying the silence and the company.

"Never thought I'd live long enough to do it or at all." He admitted. "How's motherhood?"

"Personally, I never thought I'd have children. But now that I do have one of my own I feel... it's difficult to describe. I love her in ways I didn't know I was capable of."

Gabriel took her hand and kissed her knuckles, she melted into his touch. There had still been little to no intimate contact. Michael was surprised when she found her libido hadn't diminished from having a child. In fact, she felt extremely confident. It didn't exactly make her feel sexier, but she once again felt an empowerment. A primal fire had once more been lit.

"I spoke to Doctor Floyd yesterday," she said, curling into his arms.

"Hmm."

"I asked her to prescribe a birth control."

She felt him stiffen, then relax, then his hand slid from her hip to her waist.

"Really?" He asked, she nodded.

"That is... if you still want me?"

His answer was straight forward: he pressed his open mouth to hers, gripping her chin between his thumb and index finger. She responded in time to him, opening her mouth and bringing her tongue to duel with his. The primordial fire grew, blazing out of control.

Gabriel hoisted her onto his lap, tearing off her t-shirt but being careful to her breasts, kissing the swell of them and massaging each with gentleness while his mouth roughly claimed her own.

"I've missed you," she whispered as he mouthed her throat, slithering his tongue along her pulse.

He groaned as she moved her core against his stiffening length, confined nontogently within his trousers.

The broke apart, only staring at one another. Imzadi cried and Michael sighed deeply, moving to stand but he stopped her.

"Wait." The crying continued for a moment until it faded. He breathed out, relieved.

Michael removed his shirt, but he stopped her when it was gone, clutching her wrists. For a moment she feared he was putting an end to it.

"Now, Burnham, I think you're getting ahead of yourself." He said, in an all too familiar tone that swept through her body like an electric jolt, planting itself between her hips and causing a shiver to run through her.

Still holding her wrists he began to rise, forcing her to stand as well on uneven feet. Wrapping an arm around her naked waist, he pinned her arms between their bodies, while his free hand moved under her slip, her legs seperating to make room for him. Her hands pressed into his chest, her nails biting him, his mouth attacking the junction of skin between her neck and shoulder.

Whimpering, she bit her lip.

"Please," she begged warmly against his chest. His hand found it's target, making sure to drag his fingertips along her wet opening. He grunted hard when she sank her teeth into the area just below his collarbone.

"Fuck, you little monster," he said heavily, roughly moving her panties aside to feel her wetness and allowing it to coat his fingers before thrusting a single finger inside of her.

Michael's knees nearly buckled but he kept her upright as she sagged against him.

"I remember," he whispered in her ear, stirring another liquid fire inside of her. "I remember every time I took you. The first, the last, every... Single. Time." His words were punctuated with his thrusts. Planned.

"Gabriel..."

"Let it out, sweetheart," he coached, taking her earlobe between his teeth.

Michael's hips moved on their own accord, meeting the thrust of his hand, his palm rubbing perfectly blunt circles over her clit. She was finally able to get her hands mobile, grasping his wide shoulders and bringing her mouth to his ardently.

"Michael." He grunted, she tried to keep her eyes open to remain locked in combat with his own but she couldn't. Eventually they clenched shut and she shuddered against him, hooking her arms around him to keep herself on her feet.

"Ah, oh..." she whispered against his chest. Gabriel wasted little time, throwing her legs under one arm and scooping her torso with the other he carried her with raw, masculine determination towards the bedroom. She could only watch him with heavy eyes, his own looked straight ahead as he made the short journey from the living room to the bedroom where the light was even dimmer.

It was here where she knew he would lose all propriety he had had before, where he would throw all manner of the gentlemanly behavior he had been bestowing upon her for months. The cord had been cut, the cable had snapped, the sail had been set loose.

The animal had been released from it's rickety cage.

It was here, on a secret starbase, in a family's living quarters, Gabriel Lorca would have his thorough way with her. The thought nearly sent her into a pre-orgasmic bliss.

He laid her more gently on the bed than she thought, but she saw how he struggled. He removed the remaining clothing he had on and joined her, tearing off her underwear; a flashback of their first night toward scuttled across her memory. He had looked savage then too, hungry even.

That had been the night he had awakened the wanton little sylph inside of her.

Pushing the slip up to her waist he found his natural place between her legs where she pulled him towards her. The same place men had attempted to beguile their way into before, and she had turned them all away.

All except him. Like she had been waiting for him all that time. She had never been a sentimental price tag on her virginity, it was an outdated symbol of femininity. And yet it had felt special that it had been him and no one else and no one since. Michael could imagine bedding someone else but it felt wrong every time. She could daydream about what it could have been like to throw caution to the wind and given into her physical desire for Agent York.

But she hadn't, because it wouldn't have been right and it wouldn't have been true. Despite herself, despite her upbringing, Michael knew she would always need that emotional anchor when it came to making love.

And Gabriel gave that to her in more ways than one.

He still looked wild and unhinged, teasing her lips with his own, his hands making a map of her body. But something in his eyes had gentled, he was prolonging it... and that was very much in character for him. So much so it caused Michael to beg again,

"Please, Gabriel-"

"Shh... just..."

She felt his hands grip the back of her neck, cupping her to his collarbone as he pushed his hips into her cradle. She held tight to his shoulders as the blunt head of his cock found it's natural place inside of her. Squeezing him, pulling him in with each little press.

Moaning sharply but not in pain, it increased his vigor. The gentleness in his eyes faded, darkened and she felt her stomach twinge and her cunt flex around him.

Thrusting the rest of the way into her they both groaned in unison as they became one, fully.

God bless this man, she thought madly.

He took her like a wild man, like a savage. She felt a little pain, needing to grow accustomed to his length and the power he wielded behind it. She felt the bruising force at her hip where he held her firmly into the bed. Taking and devouring every last piece of herself she willing to give.

And Michael knew she would only keep on giving to him, until there was nothing left of herself.

She would let him make and unmake her over and over again, because she knew he would let her do the same for him.

He brazingly scattered kisses across her neck, cupping her breast gently but with purpose. It wasn't ownership, it was allowance she was giving him. That he knew he was the only man who had ever touched her in such a way emboldened him beyond all belief. That he was fortunate enough that she had chosen him of all people.

It strengthened him and gave him purpose. She wanted him, desired him and loved him despite everything in the chemistry and history that said she shouldn't have.

Gabriel knew he had never loved anyone like Michael before. He planned to never love anyone like that ever again, it was only her.

As he panted above her, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, fastening herself to him, he whispered a single word,

"Celestial..."

Michael couldn't comprehend at the moment what he meant, for she found herself flying higher and higher to her peak. He sensed this and stopped. Groaning she slapped a sweat hand into his chest, digging her nails into his flesh.

"I've a lot to make up for," he said with a grin, catching his breath. "You do too."

Gabriel kissed along her neck as he spoke, she whimpered softly in his ear.

"You're... you're being cruel." She whined and he shook his head.

"All's fair in love and war."

"We're not at war."

Gabriel released himself from her body and she grumbled something he couldn't understand. He turned her over onto her hands and knees, remembering quite fondly how much she enjoyed this position. And in fact, it caused another gush of wetness to flood her cunt.

Tenderly wrapping an arm around her waist he kissed the nape of her neck and she slid her hands into his, their fingers intertwining.

"Tell me how you want it, Burnham." He said darkly into her ear, yet his touch remained gentle.

"Captain..."

"How do you want it, sweetheart?"

Shaking her head madly she said, "I don't care... I just want you."

"I need specifics," he said, reminding her of their affair on Starbase 36. "Don't be afraid to be graphic."

Michael blushed and she sighed. He had always loved her shyness coupled with graphic detail of how she wanted him to fuck her.

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I... need your cock. I need you to... fuck me, hard."

Michael waited as he rubbed the tip of his cock along her slit.

"Alright."

Gabriel resumed his ferocious storming of her body, inclining her torso forward but going with her. Michael feared they would wake Imzadi, but if the child showed anymore signs of her slumber being interrupted she wasn't showing it. She was thankful for that, for at this moment she couldn't bare the thought of stopping.

It was painful but fulfilling. It was fierce and also gentle. It was maddening and yet it brought the utmost clarity. Michael had once seen a feeding frenzy of endangered great white sharks, their eyes black and their movements sharp, terrifying and merciless. Gabriel had a distinctly similar look in his eye. But it didn't bring her fear, it only brought her to her bittersweet and rapturous completion.

Michael didn't have the sense to recall what happened after she came. She assumed he quickly followed her, but when she woke she was rinsed and warm under the blankets.

Blinking through heavy eyelids she saw an image come into focus, clear as day. Gabriel soothing Imzadi. But this wasn't where their home should be. He fathered her beautifully, proudly and without complaint. When their daughter fussed he gently calmed her.

They couldn't raise their child while living double lives. It would destroy them. No, Michael knew if they were to truly live and be happy... they must be beholden to none.

AN: I hope you enjoyed the update! Thank you for your encouraging reviews as always : ) I feel the story winding down. I doubt I'll have it finished by Sunday but fingers crossed lol