AN: Again, thank you to my awesome beta, SunflowerFran. Sorry for the long wait between updates.

Chapter Fifteen: You and I Will Land and Sea

BPOV

"Why does she get to be in charge of the music?"

I roll my eyes. Sometimes, my friends can be such children. "Because," I tell Alice. "I don't want to listen to Top 40 Pop."

Alice huffs from her position in the back seat of my car. "I wasn't going to play just that," she says petulantly. "I mean, who wants to listen to Angela's Indie stuff anyway?"

"Yes," Angela deadpans, absently scrolling through the music on my iPod; "let's totally talk about me as if I'm not sitting right here."

"Who said that?" Alice asks, and we all burst out laughing.

When we grow quiet, Alice accepts her fate and sits back, finally clicking her seatbelt into place. I watch in my rearview mirror as she takes out her phone. That's exactly why she's not in charge of the music.

"Jazz says he and Ben haven't even left yet," Alice says, grumbling the only way she knows how. "We're not going to get any fishing done if they don't leave soon."

"Are they waiting on Jared?" I ask.

"No," Alice replies, and her eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. "Apparently, Ben invited his new girlfriend." She pauses to gauge my reaction, but my eyes are on Angela. If she's at all affected by the news that Ben has a girlfriend, I don't see it. Maybe her fingers tense around my iPod but that's it, and that could mean any number of things.

"Oh yeah?" I ask, my eyes back on the road. "Who is she?"

"Jazz doesn't know much," Alice tells me. "Just that they met at the coffee shop where Ben works on the weekends. She goes to U-dub."

My eyes widen. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that our Benjamin Oliver Cheney is dating a college girl?" I ask incredulously.

"I almost fainted when Jazz told me."

I can't help feeling a little slighted that I'm finding out about Ben's new girlfriend from Alice. I mean, I sit next to the boy in French class every day. One would think he'd find some way to work it into the conversation by now.

I assume he's been so tight-lipped about it because Angela is one of my best friends. Maybe it's because I still think he should have told her how he felt anyway. It's better to have it all out there so everyone can work through it together. That's the important part. All the secrets are just toxic.

Even as I say it in my mind, I can't help thinking about all the secrets I've kept from Jake, from Edward, and from Alice and Angela. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. Ignorance is bliss and all that, though there's very little bliss to be found here.

I force the thoughts from my mind and try to focus on the present.

Going fishing was actually my idea. I mentioned it at lunch last week - somewhat jokingly - and was surprised by the interest. Apparently, I have friends who are 'YES' people. My dad was all too keen to make sure we were prepared for what 'going fishing' truly entails. It's the first time he and I have actually had a conversation that doesn't involve school or family in such a long time, and it was a breath of fresh air.

We used to be closer back in Ohio.

Before everything.

Before I essentially forced him into taking a promotion that moved our entire family right across the country in order to get away from the scandal.

I did this to us.

Me.

No.

Not me.

It's not my fault.

None of it is.

It's his.

I blink hard and shake my head to force the memories away.

We're going fishing.

Today is going to be a good day.

I won't let it be anything less.

By the time Angela finally decides on a song, we're already halfway to our destination, according to the Navigation. It's Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and it's a collective 'ABA' favorite. We love Matt Bellamy. It's been difficult to find songs we all like, so, when we do, we definitely overplay them until we're all sick of them.

Don't come at me with any Avril Lavigne, please.

I sort of invited Edward, mainly to see his reaction. His eyes almost popped out of his head before he mumbled something about swimming. It's not that he wouldn't want to come, I'm sure; it's just that mixing friends seems too scandalous. I don't even know what we were thinking by having him come to my birthday dinner. We're on the same page now. I'll go fishing with my friends.

Jake isn't coming, either. I invited him knowing he wasn't going to, and that's okay.

We're in a better place now, I guess. Who knew what spraining my wrist could do for my relationship? I mean, sure, I didn't have to play in the dreaded lacrosse game, but I also received piles of sympathy from my friends and my boyfriend.

It's been a few weeks now, and I have another visit - hopefully, the last - to the doctor scheduled to assess the healing. It feels fine. Fine enough to drive and go fishing, at least. Not nearly fine enough to return to lacrosse though. Hah.

Because we left first, we get to Elliot Bay Pier in Centennial Park before the boys do, which essentially allows Alice to get all her oohing and aahing out of her system before the fishing even begins. We walk through the park before taking a stroll along the length of the 400-foot pier as we wait, happily snapping pictures of Mount Rainier and downtown Seattle.

Alice practically squeals when she spots a seal, and it's hard not to laugh with - and at - her. She really is a special kid.

When the boys arrive, with Ben's new girlfriend in tow, Angela's mood shifts. I'm not sure what it is because she's never given any indication that she feels anything about or for Ben. Maybe she's just wary of college girls?

Grace is a treat, though. I make the mature decision not to discuss my lack of knowledge about her with Ben until another time, but I'm definitely not letting him off the hook. I want to know why I was one of the last to know about this new development.

We gather our gear and make our collective way towards the pier. Jasper finds us a spot to set up, and we spread ourselves out.

"Did you remember the license?" Jasper asks me.

I roll my eyes in response. As if my dad would let me forget. "Did you remember the bait?"

He shrugs. "I just thought we could use pieces of Ben," he says, grinning at me.

"Start with the toes, huh?"

"I like your thinking, Swan."

We share a laugh, and Ben just looks horrified. "Hey, hey," he says; "nobody is going anywhere near my toes."

Jasper fakes a lunge. "I'll hold him down," he says to me; "go for the shoes."

Ben shrieks. Like, actually shrieks, and then turns bright red. Serves him right.

"We have bait," Alice says, opening a cooler and taking a sniff. "God, that's gross."

Jasper laughs before he looks at Jared. "Well then, our resident fisherman, show us how it's done." I guess Jasper can see that Jared is a little uncomfortable, and his request seems to relax the 'stranger.' Even though I already know everything he's telling us - courtesy of Charlie Swan - I still follow along with the rest of the group as we get our rods ready and thread the bait.

"Five bucks says I catch the first fish," Ben says.

"My bet's on Jared," I say, smiling at both boys.

"It's definitely going to be me," Alice says.

"The way things are going; it'll probably be Angela," Jasper comments, and we all laugh. Angela's been very hesitant about this whole fishing thing. She came to spend time with her friends, sure, but she doesn't want to touch any of the bait, and I doubt she'll handle a fish all that better.

In the end, I catch the first fish. It's a tiny little rockfish that I throw back into the water after Alice snaps a picture. I ask her to send it to me, before I send it to my dad, to Jake, and to Edward.

Unsurprisingly, Edward is the first to reply and, of course, he's talking smack. He's such an idiot sometimes.

Edythe: That's bite-size, Beau. I thought you said you were an expert.

Beaufort: Shut up.

Edythe: Did you name it?

Beaufort: Marlin.

Edythe: As in my father?

Beaufort: I'm very impressed by your Disney knowledge.

Edythe: I think I've watched Finding Nemo something like a hundred times just this year. Thank you for that, by the way.

Beaufort: You're very welcome.

Jared catches the next fish. It's a substantially sized salmon and Alice and Angela freak out. Grace catches a boot, which is hilarious. Alice's first catch is a squid. It's a cute little thing that she begs Jasper to let her take home. It's a hard no on that one. I'm surprised he manages it when she pulls out her puppy-dog eyes and dangerous pout.

I catch a pretty large lingcod. Well, in the end, it's actually a team effort because my wrist just can't handle it. The thing is massive. Now, that's a picture I can't wait to send to my trio of men.

Jake is shocked. The fish is almost as big as I am, apparently. It's not, but it is big.

Edward's response almost makes me drop my phone. The idiot.

Edythe: BRUCE! That's where you went!

Beaufort: Actually, he's Chum.

Edythe: That's just what he wants you to think ;)

Edythe: Also, that's a fucking ugly fish.

Funnily, it's smack-talker Ben who's the last one to catch anything, and it turns out to be a Dungeness crab.

Better than a boot.

Grace is the one who says it and it makes me like her that bit more. It's clear to anyone who's looking that she and Ben are good for each other. They also seem to like each other in that completely genuine way. I didn't even know he'd given up on Angela. I'm not sure how to feel about that part because, obviously, he didn't like her enough to make sure she knew about his once feelings.

I feel a bit hypocritical again, and I can't really pinpoint why.

When it starts getting late, we begin packing up our gear at Jasper's suggestion. Before we leave, we get some ice cream and make the slow walk through the park once more. There's a bridge involved, and I feel sort of light and heavy at the same time. I can't really explain it.

It's been a good day.

A great day.

Once we've loaded the two cars, some shuffling occurs. Alice wants to go with Jasper, which means Angela and I make the trip back to our area with Ben and Grace sitting in the backseat. I could let it get awkward - we're definitely headed there - but I don't.

I make a point to ask questions of Ben and Grace, and I call Angela out on her crappy song choices. She loves to point out that the 'crappy' songs she's apparently picking exist on my iPod.

Traitor.

Because I'm a 'Speed Demon,' as Edward has so nicely dubbed me - a second nickname to Tinkerbell, I guess - we get to school before the others. It's the place we decided we'd leave from, and, according to Alice, they're still forty minutes out. Of course.

I text Edward while Angela broods and Ben flirts.

Beaufort: Come over for dinner?

Edythe: But it's Saturday.

Beaufort: Date night is canceled. Sam's brother's getting married and they're having a bachelor party that the ladies were not invited to.

Edythe: That must have gone down well... How do you feel about that?

Beaufort: I'm trying not to think about it.

Which is the truth. I've been able to distract myself enough with fish and friends, and Jake has been replying to my messages. It's fine. It's going to be fine. He's just going to have a bit of harmless fun, and I'll see him some time during the week. It's fine.

Edythe: I've never actually been to a wedding before. Have you? What are they like?

I don't know if it's a conscious attempt to distract me, but it works. He's a truly gifted boy, that Cullen.

Beaufort: I've been to several, actually. Was even a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding three years ago.

Edythe: PICTURES!

Beaufort: I think you scored enough embarrassing pictures from my gran, thank you very much.

Edythe: You can't see me but just know I'm pouting.

I can just imagine the face he's pulling, and it automatically makes me smile.

"What's that?" Angela asks, and I'm forced to lift my gaze towards her.

"What?" I ask.

"That," she says, pointing at my face. "I've never seen it before."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"That look on your face," she says thoughtfully. "It's new."

I swallow nervously, before laughing it off and looking away. Has Edward really changed my facial expressions? That seems a little excessive, doesn't it?

Beaufort: But weddings are great. It's a day dedicated solely to celebrating a couple's love for each other, and I think that's a beautiful thing. It's stressful, sure, but most of the stress is worth it in the end.

Beaufort: My favorite part is watching the groom right at the moment he sees his bride for the first time. It's beautiful. It's probably the best part.

Edward doesn't reply right away. In fact, Jasper, Alice and Jared arrive and we head our separate ways before my phone even buzzes in my back pocket. Angela decides she's coming to visit me in the spur of the moment, and I let it be because she seems a little off today. It might be about Ben or it might not. Alice makes sure to let me know I should keep her in the loop because it's obvious she's... worried, too.

I don't yet know if I will, though.

As soon as we get home, I head up to my bedroom. I so badly want to catch a nap, but, apparently, we're cooking fish today. I debate whether a shower will help with the fishy feeling on my skin but then realize I have to go into the hot kitchen anyway.

I huff, grab my phone, and then head downstairs.

Edythe: Will you take me to a wedding one day?

I smile automatically, and then suddenly feel self-conscious about it now that Angela's seemingly noticed something that I wasn't even aware was there.

Beaufort: Definitely.

Beaufort: Also, Angela's decided she's staying for dinner... do you still want to come over and we can give her a heart attack?

Edythe: Haha, whoever said you weren't a good friend? But no, I won't be responsible for Angela's untimely death.

Beaufort: You're a better friend than I. I'm sorry about dinner. I did want to see you!

Edythe: Tomorrow?

I smile.

Beaufort: Tomorrow.

I pocket my phone and get fishy. We were taught how to clean fish properly when we were little and it's amusing to see just how grossed out Angela is by all of it. I'm even tempted to chase her around with a handful of fish guts, but I stop myself. That would be childish and, though I'm constantly failing at it, I'm trying to act like a grownup.

My mom makes mashed potatoes and Angela and I chop fresh vegetables to roast in the oven. My dad is a fan of roasted vegetables with olive oil, salt and Italian herbs. Riley hates the flavors, but they're not half bad.

By the time it's all ready, I'm starving. I snap a picture of the spread and send it to Edward and to our friend group chat, adding a comment that I expect to see their masterpieces as well. I guess we'll see.

For the first time in what feels like forever, we have a family dinner without the residual tension that's been flowing through our entire house. Maybe it's the fish; maybe it's Angela - who knows? I'm not complaining.

Speaking of Angela.

There's a reason she came over tonight, and I've decided it's best just to wait her out. She'll talk about it when she's ready.

It happens when we're in my room, both of us sprawled out across my bed. She's going through all the pictures she took today on her phone, and I'm searching for a decent movie for us to watch on my laptop. Her words catch me by surprise, but also don't.

"Grace seems nice," she comments, and my movements grow still.

"Yes, she does," I agree after a moment, my tone steady and even.

"Ben seems happy."

"Yes, he does."

She takes a deep breath, her eyes not once drifting from the screen of her phone. "I had this dream once," she says softly. "About Ben. We were in a kitchen I've never seen before, but it felt like it belonged to us. There was this bright sunlight coming in, and the wind was blowing so hard that the curtains were flapping wildly. I remember just standing there looking at him, and being able to hear the ocean waves and children's laughter in the background. He was looking at me as if there wasn't another person in this world. You know, he has that smile that's almost a secret, and he was smiling it at me." She falls silent for the longest time. Then, after a sigh, she murmurs, "But it was just a dream, wasn't it?"

I'm screaming inside. What do I do? What am I supposed to say? "Oh, Angela," I whisper, reaching out for her.

She allows me to take her hand. "I'm trying to find the perfect group photo to post," she says, as if she hasn't just revealed something important; something heartbreaking. "You're not looking at the camera in this one, but Alice has red eyes in this one."

I take a moment to try to assess what she needs from me at this moment. This is avoidance at its best, and who's the Queen of Avoidance?

I am.

"Go with the one where I'm looking away," I say, squeezing her hand. "Alice will kill you if you pick one where she doesn't look her best."

Angela lets out a small laugh and finally looks at me. "Thank you, Bella."

"For what?"

She smiled slightly. "You know what."

I guess I do, but I really wish I didn't.

The rest of the school year goes by with little fanfare.

There's nothing monumental to write home about, save for the fact that my boyfriend is graduating from high school and going to the University of Washington. He'll still be around, which is great. He keeps telling me he chose to stay for me, which just adds a certain kind of pressure to our relationship.

Well, to me in our relationship.

I explicitly didn't ask him to do that, but even I know the full ride on offer was too lucrative to pass up.

I can tell he's waiting for me to tell him I love him. It's been months since his confession - surely, it's time. But I just can't bring myself to say it. I just can't. I don't know how; I mean, I wouldn't even know what to say.

It's to do with the past, sure, but it's also to do with my fear of the future. Jake is a future; a possible one, that I'm not quite ready to accept. I was so sure before - before... I just have to admit and accept that Edward Cullen is the reason.

It's no secret to me, and I wonder if it's a secret to him.

Which is why I take a step back. I mean, it's pretty easy to do with exams coming up and somehow working up the willpower to attend Jake's Senior Dance. The theme is Masquerade - Alice grumbles about how original it is, but our school hadn't been any better, I don't think.

Unlike St Matthew's, Waite Academy holds their Senior Dance in December. Apparently, they worry that the students won't be able to focus on seeing the year through if they don't. Like, we're so hell bent on the dance that nothing else matters. My school is so stupid sometimes.

It also doesn't help that they hold it the weekend before exams. I guess it's one definite way to make sure we behave, but they're really horrible people sometimes.

Jake didn't actually ask me to go with him. He just kind of assumed, which is natural, I guess. I am going with him. I mean, I'm his girlfriend. It'd be weird if anyone else were to go with him, even though I'd happily send one of his sisters in my place. I don't want to dress up and be paraded around the way I know Jake intends to.

I also think he expects us to have sex afterward.

As far as I'm concerned, it's not happening.

He can try, but I'm certain the boy knows my limitations. They exist for a reason, and he knows exactly what that reason is. Honestly, I don't even know what I would do if he tried. Just how far would he go?

Alice takes me shopping because she loves living vicariously through me. I swear she's already planning for our Senior Dance, which is at least six months' away.

So, Alice makes me try on what feels like a hundred dresses before we both agree on a strapless, royal blue dress that I actually like. Jake will have to wear a matching tie, of course, which we go searching for straight after.

I'm left to wonder why it's so important we get it right now, until the moment she finally mentions what she thinks she's been seeing. She just wanted to prolong our trip, so she could bring up the thing she's noticed.

"You don't actually want to go to this dance, do you?" she asks as we browse the millions of ties.

I suddenly find a certain style of tie very interesting in an attempt to buy myself some time. I don't even know how I'm supposed to answer that.

"But it doesn't actually have anything to do with the dance, does it?" she presses, and my movements still. "It's to do with Jake." She comes to stand right next to me. "Are you two okay?"

Now, that's a loaded question if I've ever heard one. Are we okay? He might be, but I'm definitely not. I don't think I've ever been okay, and it's taken Edward in my life to recognize the truth of it.

"Bella?"

I turn to face her. "Look, I don't know what you want me to tell you, Alice," I start. "I know you don't like him."

"I don't," she agrees; "but I'm getting the feeling you don't either."

I blink. Is that the vibe I'm giving off? "I love him," I finally admit. I mean, of course, I do. Jake is it. I won't chance losing him. I can't afford to do that. Not after... everything.

Also, it's the first time I've ever actually voiced the feelings I've been trying to fight.

I love him.

Him.

I love Jake, and I'm in this with him.

If I weren't, then what have I been doing for the last eighteen months?

I reason that, if I didn't love Jake, then, well... Edward.

So, yeah, I love Jake... but sometimes I don't particularly like him.

Alice is right about that, at least.

"Do you?" Alice questions.

I know Jake's and my relationship isn't as on show as hers and Jasper's is, but I bristle at the idea of her questioning my feelings for my boyfriend. I do enough of that myself.

Alice doesn't drop it. "Are you happy, Bella?"

I wouldn't say that I'm happy all the time, but I have my moments. Moments that, more often than not, involve Edward Cullen. It reminds me of my priorities and all that. That person should not be Edward, and I can't decide if it's a reflection on me, him or Jake.

"Bella?"

I blink. "This is the one," I say, reaching for a blue tie.

Alice regards me for a moment before she allows me the distraction. "That's more ocean than royal," she says - like I even care - and the previous conversation is forgotten.

Well, temporarily pushed aside. I'm under no illusions Alice Brandon won't eventually bring it up again.

When we're alone.

Which is why I do everything I can to make sure we're not. Jasper is attached to her by the hip most of the time, and Angela is more often than not attached to me. I don't really know why it is but I'm closer to both of them than they are to each other.

My mom thinks it's because they're too similar, but I'm not too sure. They are alike, but they very rarely hang out just the two of them outside of class. It's either with me or not at all. If ever our trio is in pairs, I'm usually one of the two. I have no idea why.

Angela and Alice come over to help me get ready. There's makeup and hair, and jewelry and all of it kind of actually makes me a little bit excited. Maybe Alice can tell because she has that crazy glint in her eye that normally terrifies me. It's the kind of look that makes a person want to turn around, and walk in the entirely opposite direction.

"Wow."

It's the word that goes around.

First my friends, my family, Edward, via pictures, and then Jake.

Wow.

Jake looks pretty handsome too if I don't say so myself. He looks clean. As my dad says, which is both awkward and hilarious. My mom snaps pictures, and Angela does too. I suspect one of them will end up as my wallpaper by the end of the night.

Jake and his friends hired a limo, and I'm the last pickup of the night.

Let the partying begin.

I reckon I hold onto myself pretty well while being the dutiful girlfriend I'm trying to be.

It's actually a fun night, I won't lie.

Which is probably the reason I end up forgetting.

I forget the night is going to end.

I forget Jake is Jake and he's a little bit drunk, and there are hands and tongues tangling, and buttons and zips that are begging to be undone.

But, he surprises me.

We take the limo to the club hosting the after party, and it's an acrobatic act trying to get dressed into our second outfits inside the limo. I'm sure, at some point, I elbow Sam's date, Emily, in the ribs.

We dance. Like, dance dance. Every song. And, between songs, we make out.

I feel young and carefree, and it's the first time in a while I actually enjoy spending time with Jake and his friends. I didn't know that Embry was so funny, Sam so cheeky or Paul so endearing. Maybe it's because their dates are around, but they aren't as crazily rowdy as they usually are.

By four o'clock, I'm exhausted. My feet ache from the heels and all the dancing, but I don't want it to end.

It's going to.

Of course, it is.

The idea is for us to crash at Paul's house. All of us. I've never been to his house before, but Jake and I end up with our own room. We all do, sort of. Sam and Emily get the pool house, Paul's in his own room, and, because Embry's date had to go home, he's got the couch in the living room.

Like I said, Jake surprises me.

He asks me what I want; what I'm comfortable with. He knows there are things I won't do. Or, rather, have done to me. He's kind and understanding and I love him. I do.

I'm sure I do.

Which is what I tell him moments before I kiss as much of him as I can manage. His hands travel over my body as my mouth moves over his. It's the silent deal we've made that's safe - for us both - and mutually pleasurable.

"You love me?" he asks when we settle in to sleep the two hours we're probably going to get before I'm expected home.

I nod, as I relax into him. He's burning hot, which is a little uncomfortable at first but I'll get used to it. "I l-love you."

He wraps his arms around me and holds me close, skin to skin. "I love you too, Bella."

For some reason, I get that feeling of being light and heavy at the same time, and I still don't know how that could be. It's oddly suffocating, and I can't help feeling as if I've tied myself to something for which I'm not ready.

The feeling I've made a mistake sits worryingly on my brain, but I can't take it back now. The words are out there, and there's nothing to be done.

"I'm so glad you're here," he whispers, and I can hear him slipping into sleep.

I just about manage to convince myself I'm pretty glad too.

Sleep doesn't come easily.

I don't know why I let Alice talk me into going to Mike's party. She comes over in the late afternoon, dragging Angela along, and I'm forced to spend an obscene amount of time trying to make myself look Alice-approved. I'm not really in a celebrating mood, but Alice just ignores my protests. She wants to go to this party, and now we're all going.

Edward's going to be there.

Jake isn't. He decided that, now that he's a high school graduate, he won't be going to high school parties anymore. I mean, I guess I should be grateful for small mercies, but I still get the feeling it's going to be a terrible night. I just know it.

We get to Mike's house early. I mean, it's almost ten o'clock, but the party's just getting started.

The second we step through the front door, Alice heads off to find Jasper, and Angela and I are left to grumble over the reason why she forced us to come when she was just going to be with her boyfriend the whole time.

I probably would have been with mine.

And Angela would be -

She's been rather subdued since we met Grace. I was forced to explain the gist of the situation to Alice because neither of us would have heard the end of it. Angela hasn't said anything more to me about Ben since that night. Maybe we all need the summer to recover from this year.

I know I do.

"Drinks?" Angela asks me, getting my attention.

I just nod as we head towards the kitchen. We know the drill now. Well, she does. We get our own drinks, the sealed variety. We may both be a year older - she's now seventeen - but she's still father and God-fearing, and I'm just terrified of what can happen when I drink.

In public, at least.

So, I get a can of Coke, and she gets a can of Red Bull. I actually wanted a Gatorade, but hey. Apparently, Mike is too cool for that kind of beverage. He should know better, really.

The beginning of the night isn't exactly terrible. Angela and I mingle, talking to friends and also not-friends. Most people get friendlier the more they drink, so we have quite a few amusing conversations. We also do a bit of dancing. As surprising as it is, Angela is actually more uncoordinated than I am, which is saying something. Still, it's safe and easy fun.

It goes well until Angela goes to the bathroom, and comes back wearing a disgruntled pout.

"What?" I ask. She flops down onto the couch beside me and leans in to whisper into my ear. I cringe slightly, and then smile in sympathy. I pat her leg once, and then rise to my feet. "Stay here," I say. "I'm on it, okay?"

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do to help with this situation. This is Mike's house, and, as far as I know, he doesn't have a sister.

Alice is no help, and neither is Grace - who, apparently, isn't too cool for a high school party.

Honestly, I hate being a girl sometimes. More often than I would care to admit.

It's almost inevitable that I encounter Edward during my search, and he surprises me when his hand settles on my shoulder as I'm power-walking through the kitchen. I spin around, ready to glare at whoever is daring to touch me, but all my ire dissipates at the sight of him.

"Hi," he says when his eyes focus on me.

"Hi back," I breathe, relieved to see him. This entire night just feels like it shouldn't be happening.

"Everything okay?" he asks in that knowing way that he does.

I huff. "Not really," I admit.

"Can I help?"

I so badly want to step into his arms and just stay there, but I control myself. Sort of. "Well, you don't happen to have a tampon, do you?"

His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn't recoil. Not like most other boys do when you even so much as mention women's menstruation. "Uh, no, I don't have a, uh, tampon," he says, awkwardly fumbling over his words. "But I could probably find you one, if you'd like."

Always full of surprises, this Edward Cullen.

"Uh, that would be great," I say.

"Okay," he says with a nod. "I'll text you when I find something." His left hand reaches out to touch me in some way, but he stops it in midair. We're not in his house. There are people everywhere. He offers me a sheepish smile and a head-shake before he turns and starts to walk away.

"Hey, Edward?"

He turns back. "Hmm?"

"Thank you," I say.

His smile is a little more real now. "I'm really glad you came tonight," he tells me.

"Why?"

He shrugs. "I get to see you."

"Hmm, because we've hung out so much tonight."

He shakes his head. "See, that's where your problem is, Swan. You came out expecting a bad night, and now that's what you're going to get."

"Saves me the disappointment."

"Pessimist."

"I'm a realist."

He shakes his head in amusement. "I'm never going to win with you, am I?"

"Go find my tampon."

"Yes, ma'am," he says with a mock salute, and I just watch him disappear, accepting that Edward Cullen is the only bright spot in this forgettable night. I mean, what makes me think I can even survive life without him? Just staying away from him puts me in a foul mood, and how can I? He's so good in the truest way. How could anyone dream of trying to avoid that?

I get myself another drink, and then go back to the living room, dropping down onto the couch next to Angela.

"Are you okay?" she asks me. "You look, uh, flustered."

I frown. "Flustered?"

She nods. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I tell her. "Just, you know, been looking for a - "

"Oh, right, thanks."

The text comes from Edward four minutes later, and I immediately stand, excusing myself. "I'll be right back." I make my way back to the kitchen and find Edward getting himself some punch. He must know it's spiked, but I don't say anything. What can I say? This is a boy who is so in control of his own life and his own body; he's highly capable of making his own decisions.

I move to stand next to him. "Hey, you," I whisper.

He startles slightly, and then smiles at me. "Wotcher, Bella."

I frown. "Wotcher?"

He just shakes his head, which means I've definitely missed something. It must be Harry Potter related. "I've got your package."

I laugh, despite myself. "Do I even want to know where you got it?"

He shakes his head. "Probably not," he says, laughing. "I actually found you two."

I cover my eyes with my hand. "And just what reason did you give for needing two tampons?"

"Does it matter?"

I shake my head. "You know, it actually doesn't."

For a moment, his gaze meets mine, and I feel warm and cold at the same time. So gently - I barely feel it - he slips the tampons into my hand, and then he leaves. Just like that.

A moment later, my phone buzzes.

Edythe: You're welcome.

Idiot.

I go back to find Angela, and any further crisis is averted.

But.

It's almost comical how the night just goes to shit.

I mean, I almost expect it, so I'm not surprised.

Doesn't mean I like it.

I head to the bathroom at some point, leaving Angela on the couch with Jessica and Lauren. They sort of get on, so I don't feel like a terrible friend. I mean, I really do need to pee, and, of course, the line is acres long.

Five seconds away from dancing to keep my bladder from bursting, I reason it's safe to head upstairs to find an empty one, which is a mistake.

A massive, huge, irreversible mistake.

I've been upstairs before, so I think I remember where to go.

I don't.

Well, I mean, I do, but I kind of encounter something else on my way. It's a sound I know all too well, and it catches me off guard. I freeze because there's no other response. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

I wait another beat before I take out my phone and dial Edward. It goes to voicemail after several rings, and I stutter through a quick message. "Come up - upstairs," I say. "I - uh, I - please." My hand is shaking when I eventually hang up and take steady steps towards the closed door. I don't know what I intend to do. What can I do?

The decision is taken away from me when I hear a scream, the sound of a hard slap and then heavy feet. The door flies open, and I come face to face with none other than Alec Marcus. He looks disheveled, and his left cheek is burning red.

"You," he says, surprised.

I ignore him and look past him into the room where I spot a girl I've seen a handful of times: Irina Smith. She recognizes me the moment I recognize her and her face changes from shock to something else.

"Don't say anything," Alec hisses at me, grabbing my arm.

I automatically step back. "Stay away from me," I say, and Alec sneers.

"Don't say a word," he repeats; "or else."

I glare at him.

"Remember," he says; "I know who your brother is."

That makes my eyes narrow.

"Don't forget," he says coldly before he pushes past me.

Irina straightens herself out and then moves towards me, coming to a frazzled stop. "Don't tell anyone about this." It isn't a request, but I won't tell anyone anyway. Who would I tell? I don't even know if my mouth could form around the words anyway.

All I can really do is stare at the open door and wonder what could have happened behind it.

A moment later, I feel him standing behind me. There are tears in my eyes, but he can't see them, and I'd rather keep it that way. It takes me a moment to realize that seeing my tears means nothing because Edward can hear them. It's too late for me to hide. I know it the moment his hands slip around my waist and he pulls me to him.

"Edward," I whisper, fighting off more tears.

"I've got you," he whispers back, and his breath is hot against the skin of my neck. "I've got you," he repeats, and I have no choice but to believe him.

I relax into him, soaking up all the warmth and comfort he willingly gives.

He's saying so much without saying the words.

I know I have to get out of his arms.

I have to work up the strength and escape his comfort.

This isn't good.

This is bad.

But it feels so right.