A/N: I know, it's another Leonardo work. Writing about our leader-in-blue comes easier to me...maybe because I can relate to him so well. That's the only reason I can explain it. *shrugs*
Anyway. On with the story.
Chapter 1
Leo had a terrible feeling as he walked around the Lair. There was a growing dread in his belly and a darkness gathering in his heart. Being the leader of the Hamato Clan came with a price; sacrifices had to be made to ensure the safety and survival of his family. And one of those sacrifices was the comradery that he had enjoyed with his brothers before he had been chosen as leader.
The blue-banded ninja was lonely. Terribly so. And his loneliness had begun to turn into something much worse.
He'd tried to fight it off, tried not to give in to the darkness. But it was no use. Thoughts began to take hold of his mind. They whispered that he was useless, that he was a waste of space, that he was good for nothing but filling a position someone else could easily fill.
On that particular day, Splinter had given his four students the day off from training, so each of the brothers split up to do their own things. Raph went to his room to work on his drumming; Mikey immediately commandeered the television and gaming consoles; and Donnie was locked in his lab on pretense of completing his latest project.
And so Leo was alone.
He didn't have any pastimes, other than training or meditation. And all of his siblings were too busy to hang out with him. The poisonous thoughts popped up in the back of his mind again, seizing the perfect opportunity to drag him further down.
Worthless. Pathetic. Even your own BROTHERS don't want to hang out with you.
"No...they're just busy, is all. I'm sure we'll do something together later."
Yeah right. Don't hold your breath, Lame-o-nardo.
Not for the first time, tears stung at Leo's cobalt eyes. He wiped them away with the back of his hand and headed for the lab. With any luck, Donnie might allow him to lend a hand.
"Hey, Don?" the leader called softly.
"I'm kind of busy right now, Leo. Can it wait?"
"Well, I was actually wondering if you needed any help."
The genius didn't even look up. "Nope. I've got it."
"Oh. Okay." Leo swallowed his disappointment and left the lab, shutting the door again. He could always ask Mikey. A small smile appeared on his face. His youngest brother never was one to turn down a multi-player game.
The thought cheered him up considerably, so he headed that way next. True to form, Mikey was cross-legged in front of the TV, his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth in concentration.
"Hey, Mikey. You up for a little multi-player action?"
"Nuh-uh," the youngest replied distractedly. "I'm working on a mission right now, bro. Can't exit the level."
"I could join you, maybe help you earn some extra points-"
"Sorry, Leo. It's single-player only."
"...oh."
"Maybe later though."
"Y-Yeah. Later."
The leader's shoulders slumped as he walked away. Even Mikey didn't want to do something with him. And there was no point in asking Raph - he was out on patrol with Casey.
So he was alone. Again.
But this time, it was different. This time, he felt something. Something like...sadness, and a general feeling of worthlessness.
Told you that you weren't good for anything, the voice said.
Leo bit his lip as his heart and mind tumbled into a black abyss so deep he didn't think he'd ever get out again. Not that it matters, he thought bitterly. They wouldn't care.
Exactly.
Y'know, you're not really helping me out.
Says the guy talking to himself.
...Point taken.
You know what I think? I think you should get out of here. Save them all some trouble and heartache.
What do you mean?
Come on. You can't seriously be THAT dense. They don't need you here. It'd be better if you just...left.
You don't mean...you CAN'T mean...
Oh, yes. Yes I can. And I do. Think about it. You're a waste of space and resources. Besides, your brothers made it perfectly clear they wanted nothing to do with you.
...well...
Don't be a coward.
I'm not a coward!
Really. You're not?
No, I'm not. A coward would be one who ran away from his problems.
You mean like you're doing right now?
Leo drew to a stop, realizing that he had somehow wandered out of the Lair and into the tunnels beyond. He shook his head. You're driving me crazy.
You were already there. You didn't need any help from me on that one.
Gee, thanks.
Come on. You're being a big baby about this. Just get it over with. They don't NEED you. You said yourself that your position could easily be filled by someone else.
Yeah...I did say that, didn't I?
Yes. Take my advice. I've been with you all this time. Talked you through all the loneliness. You can trust me.
Trust you to get me killed, apparently.
Are you gonna do it or not?
... I don't know. What about Sensei? He would miss me.
No one would miss you. No one.
He swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. That option seemed so extreme. Couldn't I just go away for a while and then come back?
Come back to what? There is NOTHING for you here.
Don't say that. My brothers need me. Sensei needs me.
Really? That's not what it looked like this morning.
They were just...
Just what?
...I don't know. I don't know. Is that what you want to hear?
I just want to help you realize that you're completely unnecessary. Why not just end it all and get away from the pain and loneliness?
...
Look, your brothers would be so much happier without you here. You're dead weight. Always have been. You said it yourself, you're not nearly as talented or smart or strong. You're useless.
Tears stung at Leo's eyes again, and this time he made no move to wipe them away. He knew that the voice was right. He was useless.
Glad to see you agree with me on this one.
What do I have to do?
He could almost see the voice smiling as it instructed him on how to go about doing what he was going to do next.
His heart pounded as he peeked into the living room, where Mikey still sat playing video games. I have to say goodbye, the leader thought. I can't just leave them with no warning.
Why not? It's not like they'd care anyway.
A pang of guilt filled him and he shook his head. They deserve that much.
The voice stayed silent for once. Leo took it as an invitation to proceed. He snuck past Mikey - not that the youngest would notice anyway, what with how focused he was on the current level of his game - and stepped into the lab.
"Hey, Don?"
"Still busy, Leo. Can it wait?"
See? You're not as important to him as you thought. His work always comes first.
Shut up.
"I just wanted to let you know that I was going out for a run. I'll..." Leo's voice cracked and he swallowed. "I'll be back soon."
"Okay," the genius replied distractedly.
Raph still wasn't back, and Splinter was at April's, so the only other person that the eldest had to say goodbye to was Mikey.
A sigh escaped Leo's mouth and his shoulders slumped as he headed back to the main room. "I'm going out for a while, Mike. I already let Donnie know."
"'kay. Have fun."
Cold certainty washed over the blue-banded ninja. They wouldn't miss him. They weren't even paying attention to him now. He glanced back at his youngest sibling one last time before heading into the tunnels.
A/N: I'm gonna cut it off here, guys. It's getting a little long. Heh.
What do you think so far? It's kinda depressing, I know. But oh well. *rolls eyes*
Please review.