Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the mistakes as this is un-beta'd.

Author's note: Please be warned quite a bit of swearing is about to follow and this is definitely angst not fluff but fluff will follow at some point I promise.

Time After Time

It was becoming increasingly ridiculous that whatever the situation, whatever the emotion, it always seemed to lead them here – to him pressing her against the nearest flat surface and kissing her like his life depended on it, (he was beginning to think that it did), and then pretending it never happened and starting all over again. Post 2x09 Joyce/Hopper angsty fluff.

Chapter One: Anger

Hopper wasn't entirely sure how they had ended up here; screaming at each other and saying utterly vile things he knew for sure neither of them meant. Thank god the boys and Jane were all occupied over at the Wheeler's and not there to witness it because he doubted either of them could have stopped even if they kids had been present.

She'd been off when he'd stopped by the store at lunch to check on the arrangements for tonight. She'd been distance, cold, abrupt. But it had still only been a few short months since Bob had died and he knew almost better than anyone that grief can make you all of those things and much more months and years after the occurrence. So he'd shrugged it off and dropped in on her after he'd left Jane at the Wheeler's to make sure there wasn't anything else he could do to help her.

Turns out that had been one hell of a mistake. Joyce had clearly been having one of those days where she needed somebody to blame. It seemed, at long last, she had finally tired of blaming herself over Bob's death and was now pointing her unwarranted accusations outward. Hopper had walked straight into the line of fire.

"This is your fault!" She screamed at him when he had only been in the house a few minutes and their encounter had already reached the most bitter the two of them had ever had between themselves, in recent years at least. "You could have saved him but you didn't! You didn't even try!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Hopper demanded, his voice matching hers in both volume and venom.

He knew she couldn't help it, that it was the grief and the guilt talking and she didn't really mean any of it but by god he was no saint and he was known for having a temper. She seemed insistent on pushing all of his buttons just to get a damn reaction. Well if that's what she wanted he was sure as hell going to give it to her.

"I was a little busy saving you, remember?! And saving Will and Mike and all the goddamn rest of us! He was already gone Joyce, he'd been ripped to shreds in front of our very eyes and there was nothing I could do."

That was a low blow – to make her recall exactly how Bob had died, how gruesome and painful his demise had been. She flinched as soon as he said the words and turned her back on him. Her whole body tucked in on itself where she stood making her appear even smaller than normal, like a child retreating to the foetal position, desperately trying to protect herself from the harsh truth of his words.

"Joyce…" Hopper started as he approached her. His voice entirely different to what it had been before; the anger drained from him as he witnessed the completely harrowing scene in front of him. He reached out a hand and placed it on her hunched shoulder. Her already stiff body tighten even more under his touch as she shoved his comforting hand away and turned to face him. The anger was clearly not gone for her, in fact she was shaking with the force of it.

"You could have tried." She spat at him, nothing but hate in her eyes. "You're a bastard, an utter bastard, a stupid, selfish bastard and I wish it was…"

"What?!" Hopper yelled, his face too close to hers in a deliberate attempt at intimation. In one sentence she had managed to draw him right back into her hateful, insufferable game. He was as angry as he had been only moments before, perhaps even more so. "You wish it had been me? You wish it had been you? What?!"

She didn't answer but she did not back down either. He towered over her, using all of the natural height difference to his advantage but she refused to be intimated and he knew that had nothing to do with the rage coursing through her. She was Joyce Byers, she didn't back away from anything, ever. She may have been half his size but there was still every chance she would win this fight.

"You wish I had saved Bob and left you to die, left your boys motherless? You wish I'd gone down to the basement instead and failed at opening the doors? That I'd let us all die in there and left Jane without a single fucking person in this world that cares about her? Is that what you wish?"

Joyce stuck out her chin defiantly and stared him down.

"Maybe." She replied in an even tone.

Hopper stepped backwards in shock. His mouth literally gaping at the revelation. He knew she was hurting, Christ he knew she was hurting but he never thought she would actually feel, let alone admit to something as dark as that. He tried to form some words in his head, some fitting reply to convey his disgust, his horror, his utter agony at her confession but nothing came.

"You're a fucking, crazy bitch." He said at last. No anger, no spite just complete defeat.

He heard the slap before he felt it. It was sharp and surprisingly powerful, causing his whole head to snap to the side and then the sting came. It was the first time that night her actions had not surprised him in any way. If she knew how to push his buttons then he certainly knew how to return the favour. Calling her that, crazy, when so many people had been calling her that for so long – she was crazy for staying with Lonnie, she was crazy for finally kicking him out and trying to raise two boys on her own with no money, she was crazy for thinking her son was still out there when his body had been pulled from the lake, she was crazy for never letting her youngest boy out of her sight. Calling her that was guaranteed to get a reaction and he wasn't entirely convinced that he didn't deserve it despite everything she had thrown at him already.

She didn't stop there. As soon as he had recovered from her initial blow she continued bestowing blow upon blown on him, hitting his face, chest, arms, anything she could reach with increasingly erratic and sloppy movements. Unlike the first slap the rest of the attack had no power behind it, it wasn't hurting him, not physically at least, it was pure desperation, pure hopelessness, pure grief.

"Stop." Hopper commanded, trying to keep his voice calm when his entire insides were anything but. "Joyce, stop." He tried again, more forcibly but still she ignored him. Still she pounded away at him pathetically, her nails catching the side of his cheek and drawing blood. He thought perhaps she expected him to fight back, to hit her as he knew Lonnie had been prone to do when their fights had become particularly vicious. Is that what she wanted? For him to get so angry with her that he hit her? That thought made him angrier than anything else that happened that night. "Goddamn it Joyce, I said stop!" He roared, his voice reaching a new level that even Joyce paused with the shock of it. Her nearest neighbours were almost a quarter mile away but he wouldn't be surprised if they had heard him. The police were probably on their way right at that moment.

He took advantage of her momentary stillness and grabbed her wrists, both of which were raised mid-air, ready to strike again. He held them tight enough so she couldn't escape, he'd probably leave marks, and although he certainly wasn't walking away from this encounter unscathed the thought of hurting her still made him sick to his stomach. Hopper backed her up until he had her pinned to the wall of her kitchen, towering above her once more so she was unable to attack him again. She stared up at him the anger still visibly bubbling away under the surface of her skin and her chest rising and falling rapidly as she sucked in hot, ragged breaths.

And suddenly they were kissing. He wasn't sure who had initiated it or if they had both had the exact same instinct in the exact same moment and met in the middle but both were certainly active participants. They kissed and bit and clawed at each other with nothing short of aggression. The anger still palpable in the air around them but now being expressed in a different way. He hadn't kissed her in over twenty years and this was perhaps the least romantic embrace he had ever encountered in his life but still he yearned for her in a way that utterly terrified him. Like he could do nothing but this for the rest of his life and die a happy man.

It was only when he drew back for breath and looked down at her shaking body, her messy hair that looked as if she had tried to pull it out strand by strand, the anger in her eyes that was quickly liquefying into hot tears that she was desperately trying to hold back, that he realised how utterly wrong this was. He wanted her. God did he want her but not like this. Not now. He took a step backwards, separating from her entirely.

"Joyce…"

"Go." She interrupted whatever he was going to say. The thing he hadn't figured out yet but was going to make everything better and would now remain forever unsaid. Finally she wasn't angry anymore she was just sad, desperately, desperately sad.

"Joyce…" He tried again and took a step towards her but she held up her hand and he stilled instantly.

"Really Hop just go, please." She all but begged.

When he didn't move she did, she turned her back on him and walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind her without a backward glance and leaving him standing alone in her abandoned kitchen, surrounded by nothing but the complete shit they had both made out of everything.