Chapter One

Late October 2018

The day Logan arrives home from deployment doesn't come soon enough for Veronica. It's been eight long, long months without him, and as she waits with Sarah at the base, watching the ship dock and unload, she aches to wrap her arms around him. But instead of hugging Logan, right now her arms are filled with 15-month-old Ava, since she offered to give Sarah a rest from carrying her. Ava stares up at the immense ship, eyes wide as she sucks on her thumb.

"That's Daddy's ship," says Veronica with a smile. "He's coming home."

Ava pulls her thumb from her mouth and points toward the vessel. "Dada?"

"Uh, huh. You'll see him very soon."

"Dada," repeats Ava. "Boat?"

"Yeah, he's on the boat."

Veronica's smile widens as she looks down at the toddler, grateful for the distraction while they wait for Logan and Chaos to disembark. Ava really is an adorable child, with her wide, dark brown eyes and short, chestnut curls—a perfect mixture of both her parents. She's just about walking now and is saying a few words too. It's kind of crazy how much she's grown since the guys left.

"Looks like they're on their way," says Sarah, giving Veronica a small nudge and nodding to the gangplank where the officers are beginning to disembark.

"They are." Veronica grins, excitement building in her chest. She's about to see Logan again. "It's about time, too."

"It's been a long one, huh?"

"God, yeah. The longest." agrees Veronica emphatically. She turns to Sarah. "Thanks for everything though, Sare. Thanks for keeping me company, and letting me vent when I was missing him. It's good to have someone to talk to who understands what it's like."

"Anytime, Veronica." Sarah smiles. "And thank you for helping out with Ava—you've been a lifesaver the last few months."

Veronica just shrugs uneasily, looking down at the toddler again, who has returned to sucking her thumb. "It was no problem."

"You're really great with her, you know?" Sarah says softly. "A natural."

Veronica scoffs. Yeah, right. "Don't know about that."

"You are."

Self-conscious, she averts her gaze, looking back toward the ship again, just as a familiar head comes into view. Her heart skips a beat. Oh God, he's here.

"Here, let me take her." Sarah reaches for Ava, and Veronica loosens her grip, handing her back to her mom.

Her gaze, however, is fixed on the approaching figure a few feet away. He's here. He's finally here.

He's in his dress whites, cover on his head, and duffle bag slung over one shoulder. He's grinning at her and she can't hold out any longer, can't just stand here waiting for him to come to her. She takes a step forward, then another, until she's running, closing the gap between them. He barely has time to let go of his bag before her arms wrap around his neck and she's pressing herself against him.

"Hey." He stumbles backwards slightly in response, his strong arms coming around her, holding her tightly to him as he lifts her up off the ground.

"You're home," she murmurs, revelling in the feel of him wrapped around her after so long.

She buries her face in his neck, inhaling his scent. God, he smells so good: a mixture of soap and that cedar and sandalwood cologne of his, but with a hint of jet fuel mixed in too.

"I am," he responds, setting her down, though not releasing his grip, still holding her tightly against him, palms flat on her back.

Veronica can't resist. She rises up again, pressing her lips to his in a series of several gentle, closed-mouth kisses, her fingers stroking the back of his neck as she does so.

"I missed you so much," she murmurs when she pulls back.

"Missed you, too."

He looks down at her with a small half-smile and Veronica feels a lump forming in her throat as all the emotion she's been struggling to deal with over the last few months comes to the forefront. She blinks and swallows it down, refusing to cry, not wanting to spoil the reunion with her feelings of angst.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

Veronica steps to the side as Logan picks up his duffle, and then slips her hand in his, linking their fingers as they make their way over to Sarah and Ava, who have reunited with Chaos.

"Wow, she's gotten so big," says Logan, approaching Chaos, who is holding his daughter. "Look at you, Ava, so grown up now."

Ava turns away, shyly burying her head in Chaos's chest, thumb back in her mouth again, and Veronica gives a soft chuckle at the disappointment on Logan's face. Before the deployment, Ava had become quite attached to Logan, and vice versa, but eight months is a long time in a baby's life and it's not surprising she's shy around him now.

"Give her some time, Logan," says Sarah. "She'll get used to you again."

"Yeah, I guess." He gives a shrug, releasing Veronica's hand and stepping forward to give Sarah a one-armed hug. "It's good to see you, Sarah."

"You, too, Logan."

Following his lead, Veronica turns to Chaos. "Welcome home. Glad you both made it back okay."

"Me too, Veronica." Chaos smiles, as he holds Ava with one arm and leans forward to give Veronica a quick hug. "And thanks for helping out with this little one. Sarah says you've been great with her."

"Thanks." Veronica nods. "It was my pleasure. She's a total sweetheart."

"That's what she wants you to think, so you'll keep coming back." Chaos smirks, glancing down at his daughter, who has lifted her head and is looking at Veronica with wide, innocent eyes.

"Oh, don't I know it." Veronica gives a smirk. "She can be a real terror when she wants to be. But just look at that expression… I can't say no to her."

"Oh I can believe that. She has me wrapped around her little finger." Chaos grins, looking down at his daughter. "Don't you, sweetheart?"

"Gah," is Ava's only response.

At that moment, Logan takes Veronica's hand again and gives a nod that they should get going.

"Sorry," she says. "Guess that's my cue to leave. See you guys soon."

Veronica holds it together for the entire drive back to Neptune, as she makes idle small talk to distract herself, telling him meaningless stories about what's been going on lately. Beside her, Logan strokes the back of her hand, though he remains quiet through the journey, just letting her talk. However, the moment she steps inside their house and closes the door behind her, the floodgates open. She reaches for Logan and slides her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest.

"Hey," he says softly, immediately curling his arms around her, one palm cupping the back of her head, cradling her against him as the other flattens across her back. "Hey, it's okay. What's wrong?"

All the worry and loneliness and heartache that has been building for the last few months comes to a head, spilling over all at once, and she's powerless to stop it.

"Sorry, can't help it," she mumbles into his shirt, as the tears spill over. "Overwhelmed."

"Come on, don't cry," he continues, stroking her hair soothingly.

After several long moments of letting it all out, she sucks in a shaky breath, gathering her control before lifting her head to look up at him.

"Sorry," she says, though her voice catches as she speaks. Logan's hand slides around, his thumb brushing the tears from her cheek as he studies her with concern. "I thought it would be easier this time; you know, because I've done it before… but it really wasn't."

"For me either," he tells her softly. "I missed you every day."

"I know the feeling," She gazes up at him, drinking him in. "Kiss me, Logan. Make me forget about the last eight months."

He smiles, his fingers tracing along her cheek, then sliding around, tucking her hair behind her ear in a gesture so familiar and tender that it makes her heart ache. His palm cups the base of her neck as his mouth covers hers. The kiss starts off slow, Logan's lips brushing gently against hers, but then he sucks on her bottom lip and it sends a shiver down her spine. She moans softly in response and he lets go of her lip, kissing her more urgently now. His tongue slides into her mouth and she responds eagerly, tasting him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

When she finally pulls back, breaking the kiss, Logan smiles down at her, asking gently, "You okay now?"

"Uh, huh. Yeah, I think so." Veronica nods, bringing her hands up to cup his jaw, studying his features for a moment.

She runs her fingers through his hair, letting them come to rest at the back of his head as she brings their foreheads together.

Closing her eyes, she savours the moment, then murmurs, "Hold me?"

"Of course." His tone is soft.

His arms tighten around her and she presses herself against him. Normally, she would be embarrassed by how clingy she's being—she's never been the clingy type before—but something about this separation, this reunion, is getting to her, and she just needs to feel close to him right now.

It's Monday morning and Logan's been home for almost three days, but Veronica's still waiting for the 'honeymoon phase' to kick in. Almost three days and they haven't even made love yet. Instead, Logan's been alternating between sitting alone deep in thought, standing out on the beach and staring at the waves, and sleeping like the dead. It has Veronica worried.

For her, Monday morning means it's back to normal life, because although Logan has two weeks of leave, she needs to get back to work at MI. Except, it's not exactly normal, because Logan's actually here, and right now, he's in the shower. With the door locked. At the exact moment she needs to get in there if she gonna get to work on time. Great.

Jaw clenching in annoyance, she rubs the sleep from her eyes as she heads into the kitchen in search of coffee. Halfway there, she trips over the military-issue duffle that has been sitting in the hallway since Friday, banging her knee against the wall.

"Ow, shit!" She glares down at the bag filled with Logan's dirty clothes as she rubs her knee. "Would it kill him to do some laundry?"

With a frown and a pout, she heads into the kitchen, leaning down briefly to pet Pony, who is curled up in her bed, her leash resting on the counter top, Logan already having taken her out this morning. She reaches for the coffee pot, which should be freshly-brewed since she sets it on a daily timer, only to find it almost empty.

"What the hell?" She shoots another glare, this time in the direction of her bedroom door. "Seriously, Logan?"

With a frustrated sigh, she fills the pot and sets the coffee brewing again, then opens the fridge to grab the yoghurt and fruit granola she prepared last night… except it's half-eaten.

"Logan…" she grinds out, pissed as hell now. Who does he think he is, eating my breakfast, drinking my coffee? Hearing the shower stop and the en-suite bathroom door open, she calls out more loudly, "Logan!"

She hears movement in the hallway and then he comes into view, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"What's up?"

Veronica's gaze involuntarily travels up and down his damp torso, before she remembers she's mad at him. She lifts her eyes to his face and frowns, shoving the half-empty bowl of granola towards him.

"What's this?"

He frowns, confused, as he glances down at it and then back up at her. "Uh, granola?"

"Where's the rest of it?" she demands to know.

"I was hungry." He shrugs like it's no big deal. "And I couldn't resist. I've been deprived of fresh fruit for months, remember?"

"Logan, that was my breakfast." Veronica sighs, lowering the bowl to the counter with a clink. "And you drank all my coffee."

"Uh… sorry?" Logan seems puzzled. "I was under the impression it was my coffee too."

"And I needed to be in the shower like, ten minutes ago," she continues, on a roll now. "But, no, you were in there."

"Veronica, what—?" He stops, then frowns. "Why are you getting so bent out of shape? We've always shared the coffee before, and you never cared whose breakfast was whose. And you know, you could have just used the bathroom while I was in there, or, you know, the other bathroom down the hall."

"That's not the point, Logan!" Veronica's voice rises, anger rising to the forefront. "You're invading my space."

He scoffs, stepping forward, first pointing to himself then at her as he says, "Oh, I'm invading your space? Says the woman who just spent the last three nights kicking me in her sleep and hogging all the covers."

"Oh, well, excuse me for getting used to sleeping alone for the last eight months," she spits out. "And for expecting my coffee and breakfast to be where it's supposed to be in the morning, since, you know, I've been living alone too."

Logan's lips curl into a sneer. "Seriously? You're pissed because you've had a king-size bed and all these luxuries"—he gestures around them—"to yourself all year, while I've been stuck sleeping in a cramped bunk in a room with five other guys and drinking crappy coffee? Grow up, Veronica."

Veronica's jaw drops. "Grow up? Grow up?! Geez, Logan... insensitive, much?"

He makes a noise of incredulity. "I'm insensitive? You're the one who's been nagging at me since I got back."

"I have not."

"Please." He scoffs." All weekend, it's been 'come walk Pony with me' and 'help me with dinner' and 'let's go for ice cream'." Logan shakes his head, eyes narrowing. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

That hurts. Veronica flinches, swallowing against the lump forming in her throat, though she can't stop her voice from cracking when she speaks again.

"Leave you alone?" she says in disbelief. "Logan, I've had no choice but to leave you alone for months. I've been missing you for months. So, forgive me if I want to spend some time with you now you're home."

"I'm fucking tired, okay, Veronica?" he spits out. "I'm exhausted, and jet-lagged, and sleep-deprived. And I need some time to decompress, to get back to real life again."

Silence falls, tension hanging heavy in the air between them.

"248," Veronica murmurs softly after a long moment.

"What?" Logan stops short, looking at her in confusion.

"248," she repeats. "That's how many days it's been since we last made love."

Logan's expression softens. "Veronica…"

"You've been home for three days already, and… I mean, I know you're tired and all, but we've never, you know… had problems in that area before." She mumbles the last part, looking down at her hand resting on the counter. "And now… it's like you don't even want to touch me."

"Hey, no…" Logan places his hand over hers. "That couldn't be further from the truth."

He steps closer, running the back of his other hand along her cheek. Veronica closes her eyes briefly at the contact.

"Look, it's not you, Veronica," he says softly. "I just need some time, okay? This deployment was… difficult, and I'm having some trouble readjusting."

Geez, now who's the insensitive one, Veronica?

"God, I'm sorry," she apologises with a sigh. "I'm overreacting. It's just… I've been waiting so long for you to come home, and I just wanted to spend time with you, be close to you. I didn't mean to—"

"No, I'm sorry." Logan interrupts quickly. "I've been caught up in all my shit, and I didn't even think how it would affect you."

"I guess we both have some adjusting to do," she concedes. "I've gotten used to living on my own and having my own space, and it's strange, you being back again."

"I know. I get it." He nods. "I mean, while I've been living in limbo on the ship, your life has continued on without me."

"I wish it hadn't," she admits, lowering her eyes, focusing on the smooth planes of his bare chest. "Logan, we've been married nine months and I've been alone for eight of them. I was counting the days until you came back to me, but now you're here, and I don't know how to deal with it."

"Come here." Logan wraps his arms around her, bringing her close for a hug. Veronica buries her nose in his chest, sliding her arms around his waist. His skin is still slightly damp from the shower, and he smells of soap. "You know, how we're feeling right now… it's pretty normal."

"It is?" Her voice is muffled against him.

"Yeah." He nods, his chin brushing the top of her head. "A lot of couples and families have problems with reconnecting and reintegration after a long deployment."

"I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse," she admits.

"It was supposed to make you feel better." There's a pause before he adds, "So, 248 days, huh?"

"Yeah." Veronica lifts her head to find him looking down at her, apology evident in his expression.

"How about we do something about that?"

A smile tugs at her lips. "Okay."

He lifts one hand, fingers hooking under her chin, tilting her face up, as he lowers his mouth to hers. It's tender and loving and needy all at once, like he's trying to show her exactly how much she means to him with just one kiss. His tongue tangles with hers, and Veronica can't help sighing into his mouth. He tastes of toothpaste and coffee and it's so familiar. It's home.

In one smooth move, Logan lifts her up onto the island counter, stepping between her legs. His hands slide along her bare thighs, the touch sending tingles up her spine, then beneath the oversized T-shirt she wore to bed. His mouth leaves hers as he nuzzles her neck and his hands cup her breasts, thumbs brushing across her nipples. Veronica shivers under his caresses, and it hits her how much she's missed this: the closeness, the intimacy... and her breath hitches, a sob rising in her throat.

"Hey, don't cry…" Logan pulls back in concern. "I hate to see you cry."

"Sorry," she whispers. "Don't know what's wrong with me."

He smiles tenderly. "Nothing's wrong with you. Nothing at all."

She gives a watery smile. "I love you, Echolls."

"I love you, Mars," he murmurs softly, hands sliding around and coming to rest flat against her back.

"You know, that's not my name anymore," she says teasingly.

Before they got married, Veronica hadn't wanted to take Logan's name, not seeing why she had to conform to gender stereotypes, and doing the hyphenating thing had seemed too pretentious. But when she thought about what would happen if they had kids, she realised she wanted them all to share the same name, to be a family unit. The idea of having a child with a different surname to her just didn't sit well, and she couldn't do that to Logan either, so they agreed she would be Echolls on paper, but still use Mars professionally.

He rubs his nose against hers. "You'll always be Mars to me."

She smiles, but when he goes in for another kiss, she places a hand on his chest. "Can we take this to the bedroom? My butt's falling asleep up here."

Logan suppresses an amused smile, but nods. "Sure."

He lifts her off the counter and she wraps her legs around his waist as he carries her into the bedroom and gently places her on the bed. She reaches into the bedside table for protection then shifts into a kneeling position and pulls the t-shirt over her head, smiling when Logan's gaze travels hungrily over her naked body. Veronica's eyes drop to the towel around his waist, where is his arousal is evident.

She swallows, gesturing to the towel, demanding, "Off."

He grins, obeying without question and dropping the towel to the floor. Veronica licks her lips at the sight of him standing before her. How does he manage to get sexier the older he gets? He's thirty now—though he was away for his birthday so they couldn't celebrate it together—but he's never looked better.

She hands him the square packet, then settles back against the pillows, crooking a finger at him. "Come here."

He grins and rolls the condom on, before placing first one knee on the bed, then the other. He settles over her and she slides her arms around his neck, tugging him down, revelling in the feel of his bare skin pressing against hers. He supports his weight on his elbows, his hips nestled between her thighs, as he looks down at her.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "For being so distant."

She shakes her head dismissively, not wanting to get into it now. "Just kiss me."

He smiles, lowering his mouth to hers, his tongue darting into her mouth and Veronica sighs with contentment as he slides inside her waiting body. He's finally here, finally intimately entwined with her again, and it's everything she's been missing and more.

An hour later, Logan relaxes in their comfortable bed, Veronica curled against his side and her head resting on his chest, as her fingers gently trace patterns over his skin.

"I'm so glad you're home," she murmurs softly. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too," he tells her, and though he means it, he can't seem to shake the melancholy feeling which has been plaguing him since he got home.

He's not entirely sure what's causing it. He should be happy to be here, should be over the moon about being with Veronica again, but something's holding him back. Like he told her in the kitchen, this deployment was difficult—it was stressful and tiring, and he saw and did some things he wished he hadn't—and now he's struggling to get out of that headspace.

He sucks in a breath, then exhales heavily.

"You okay?" she asks quietly.

"I will be." He nods, though he fixes his eyes on the ceiling, not wanting her to see anything in his expression.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nope, he thinks. I just wanna forget.

Instead of answering, he turns his head, glances at the clock. It's later than he thought. "Shouldn't you be getting to work?"

She shakes her head. "Work can wait a bit. Spending time with you is more important."

"Are you sure?" He doesn't want her to risk her job for him.

"I'm sure."

She lifts her head, leaning up to kiss him gently. He returns it willingly.

"I wish I hadn't been gone so long this time," he admits softly when they part.

"Me, too. But it wasn't your fault," she says with a gentle smile. "Yeah, it sucked... but what can you do?"

"Well, I'm here now," he assures her, trailing his fingers up and down her arm. "We'll make up for those eight months, and more."

She sits up then, turning to look at him fully, hugging the sheet to her chest as she says, "How long?"

"What?" He frowns in confusion, shifting a little on his back so he can see her better.

"How long are you back for this time?" Her expression is guarded, as if she's steeling herself for the answer.

He smiles softly, pulling himself up into a sitting position so he's level with her. "All being well, three years."

Veronica's eyes widen in surprise, a tentative smile on her face. "Three years? Really?"

He nods. "Uh huh. It's a much longer shore rotation this time."

"I get you for three years, no deployments?" The hope in her expression makes his heart skip a beat.

"Pretty much," he says. "I might have to leave for a few short exercises, maybe a couple weeks at a time, but that's about it."

"Really?" Her smile widens into a grin. "That's great, Logan."

As she leans forward to hug him, Logan feels a little guilty about not telling her the rest. It's not set in stone yet though, and he doesn't want to rock the boat for no reason.