First: I wanted to apologize for missing my scheduled update on Monday. I've entered the last two weeks of undergrad, and to say things have been busy would be a major understatement. Plus, recently began a relationship, so free-time priorities have shifted just a midge. But I'm back! Note also, however, that I haven't been able to complete the chapter that comes after this…and likely won't be able to post for a couple weeks (but I will. I will. I promise) because of finals, term papers, graduation, etc.

I so appreciate your understanding, patience, and continued support of this fic.

Second: I will not see Infinity War until Tuesday, May 1. PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL anything in comments of this fic. I will be broken-hearted if I'm spoiled before I get to see this film, and let's extend that courtesy to the rest of my readers, as well, who may not see Infinity War right away. Thank you – you all are the best readers I ever could have imagined. Keep on being awesome!

Warning: a bit more gore, heavy duty angst

The Valkyrie maneuvered the quinjet out of autopilot and prepared to land. The quinjet glided toward the earth amidst the silence of its occupants. The landing jets stirred the grit on the uneven, upturned ground, throwing dust into the viewport.

Valkyrie was the first to break the silence, "What the hell happened here?"

"It looks like a battleground," said Peter, face pressed to the glass.

"It looks like a graveyard," Wanda corrected him. She climbed gingerly out of her cot and joined Peter and the Valkyrie in the cockpit, bracing herself against the back of Peter's chair.

Too late. It was too late, a voice insisted inside Loki's skull. He tried to push it away. There was no chance of turning back now.

"Anyone with a suit, suit up," said Stark, already climbing in his disassembled metal suit. Loki wondered why Stark didn't just allow the suit to form around him like he'd been so fond of showing off six years before. Perhaps the metal casing had been damaged somehow. After all, Loki hadn't thought to ask just what Stark and the rest of them had been through before they found him on Thanos' ship.

"Sure thing," said Peter. He scrambled out of the cockpit and toward a folded pile of red and blue cloth on a shelf below his vacated cot.

Finally satisfied that the quinjet was not going to tip over on the uneven terrain, Valkyrie flicked a switch on the control panel and the low growl of the engine cut off.

Strange and Stark moved toward the exit hatch at the same time. For a moment Loki wondered if the two men were going to fight about who got to open the door, but Strange stepped back with hands raised as if to say this was your idea.

"Spiderling," said Stark before releasing the hatch and Peter joined Stark at the head of the party.

"Yeah?"

Stark tapped each of Peter's shoulders quickly with his hand. "I dub thee an Avenger. Just don't get hurt again, alright?"

Peter was grinning. "Wouldn't think of it."

Stark looked over his shoulder, "Guard the ship, Wanda, Mr. Blue." Loki scowled at him. He could probably muster up an icicle to send through Stark's throat if he tried hard enough.

"Hell no," said Wanda.

"We don't know what's out there," Strange pointed out.

"And you're going to need every hand you've got," Wanda jutted out her chin in defiance. Funny, Loki had not realized quite how young she was before now. Strength in someone so young was admirable.

"I agree with the witch," he added and Wanda flashed him a brief smile.

"Let's just go," Valkyrie growled.

"Your funeral," Stark said with a shrug and released the hatch to the outside world. Hot air and dust swirled into the body of the quinjet. The heat slid uncomfortably over Loki's skin, made for much cooler climates. Sweat broke out almost immediately at his hairline. His chest tightened. This body would take some getting used to, but he couldn't risk not being able to walk if he shifted back now, not when they might be heading toward some kind of ambush.

Wanda must have seen him hesitate, for she offered another smile. She wasn't speaking inside his head anymore, but he could still feel her presence. Loki didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed that she didn't attempt any words of encouragement.

They moved in a procession down the descending ramp, Stark and Peter at the head, Strange behind them, Wanda and Loki after, and Valkyrie bringing up the rear as their most battle-ready member and probably – Loki thought bitterly – in case one of the invalids wavered.

Loki's legs were steadier now that he was forced to walk without support, but he could still likely be toppled at the merest blow, let alone expect to hold his own in a battle. But it didn't look as if they'd exactly stepped into the midst of a battle. Wanda was right: the scene was nearer a graveyard than anything else.

Dust and smoke drifted through the air, making it difficult to see more than five feet in front of him. There were shapes on the ground. At first Loki thought they were ruins of twisted metal, but then he realized they were, in fact, hundreds of carcasses. He spotted a human hand among the carnage and knew the corpses belonged both to Midgardians and another alien race Loki had not seen before, certainly no creature native to Midgard and clearly, like the Chitauri had been, another pawn of Thanos.

"What the hell, what the hell," Peter muttered under his breath, sounding vaguely hysteric. He'd seen the corpses as well.

"Steady," Strange warned. His arms were rimmed already with orange mandalas, ready to strike at the merest provocation.

Too late. Too late. The voice inside Loki's head chanted to the racing beat of his heart. Whatever had happened here, he and the others had arrived too late to help.

Something moved in the dust and smoke. Loki heard the low growl of some kind of animal and he caught sight of a black mass of multi-limbed anthropoid – a live one of the many alien bodies that littered the ground. Loki's felt bile rise in his throat when he saw that the creature was hunched over another being sprawled across the ground, crouched above with its snout buried in the entrails of something Loki felt sure had once been a human.

The Valkyrie caught sight of the creature at the same time as Loki and shouted in anger and disgust, charging forward at once with her blade raised. The creature saw her approach, scuttled backward, jaws dripping red, and snarled, but the Valkyrie's sword sliced cleanly through its neck, dispatching it with merely one more gurgling squeal of pain.

"Holy shit," said Peter, voice trembling hard, hands raised in his suit, eyes darting toward every noise.

"Keep –" Stark gulped for breath, voice dim behind his golden mask. "Keep your eyes peeled. There are probably more of them around."

Loki's skin felt like it was blistering in the heavy heat. The dust in the air stuck to his limbs, coated in a sheen of sweat. He forced himself onward, head spinning.

Loki spotted a bulk of twisted metal in front of him. Another ship? Something about the shape was oddly familiar. Loki stepped out of line, pushing himself toward the ship in the distance.

"Yo, Jolly Blue Giant –" Stark protested, but Loki firmly ignored him. It was taking all his strength just to put one foot in front of the other and to shove past his rapidly blurring vision.

Valkyrie jogged to catch up with Loki. "Look familiar?" she asked him.

"I don't know," said Loki. He thought he'd seen a vessel like that on Xandar, in the midst of the chaos of the battle that was raging on their way to the archive building. It hadn't been one of either the Nova Corps' or Thanos' fleet. What was it doing here?

The rest of them joined Loki and Valkyrie. The ship appeared abandoned. They were approaching from the back, and Loki moved toward the front.

"Anybody home?" Stark called. His voice landed flatly in the empty air. Nothing answered his call, either friend or foe.

"Tony," said Peter. The youth sounded like he was just barely holding himself together.

Loki rounded the back of the ship to see the ramp descended from the belly of the vessel. There was a fury lump by the side of the hull that was some kind of dead animal. Loki didn't stop to examine it but spotted a particular shade of blue that drew him toward the base of the ramp.

He stopped short, stomach heaving. He swallowed bile. It was Nebula. Loki could no longer recognize the wreckage of her body, torn apart, coated in brown dried blood and dust, but Loki felt sure that it was Nebula.

"You knew her?" Wanda asked softly, coming up behind Loki.

"It doesn't matter," Loki said at once. He did not have time now to examine the crowded emotions inside his chest. She had tortured him once. She had rescued him once. Her eyes had followed Loki into Maw's ship as they dragged him back to his hellish prison. So, she had survived the attack in the Xandarian vaults only to die such a gruesome death amidst the ruins of Midgard.

"Oh my God," Stark whispered.

There were other bodies. Loki felt another stab of recognition when he saw the green-skinned, dark-haired body of Gamora, lying very near her sister.

How? Loki wondered. How had they come here? Why?

"No!" Valkyrie's rough growl of surprise made something snap inside Loki's core, some dreadful understanding, a kind of foresight that he could not possibly explain. Valkyrie was staring at something in the distance, already turning to run toward it, sword clanking at her side. "Loki, stay back!" she ordered.

Did she hope to protect him?

Loki turned. He saw the tell-tale scarlet cape, coated in dust.

Loki could not run. His legs were too weak. He saw Wanda reach for him but pull away at the last second. She merely kept pace with him, walking a step behind him. All the rest of the company – save Valkyrie – walked behind Loki, as if they wished to allow him enough space to – to –

Loki was stumbling by the time he got to Thor's side. The decision to shift back into his Aesir form, blue melting swiftly from his skin, was unconscious. His legs collapsed below him as the nerves in his spine were once again severed. The wound felt fresh; pain spiked across his lower back. He landed beside Thor. He didn't want to burn his brother with the cold of Frost Giant skin – burn him – when – what did it matter? What did it matter if Loki hurt Thor now?

Thor was –

Loki's body was trembling, strange considering the heat that still pressed upon it.

Thor was –

Loki stretched out his hand. He did not want to touch Thor, feel how stiff his flesh must be, how – lifeless was a word that refused to solidify inside Loki's head. Thor's palm was open at his side. Loki's fingers inched toward Thor's hand on the ground until he brushed just the tips, hard and gritty with dirt. Cold.

How long had he been lying here? Long enough for all the warmth to bleed out of him.

Thor was –

"You bastard," Valkyrie breathed. "You bastard." Was she crying? Loki could not tell if the rough breaths forced from her throat were sobs or not. Of course, she would be angry. Her grief ran hot. Charged and violent. He'd felt it before in her memories. But Loki did not care about her grief, not now, not except to envy her for it, envy her for such a swift release.

Anything would be better than Loki's terrible disbelief. The dreamscape aura Loki had stumbled into where impossible things could happen that could never be true in real life. Where Thor could be –

Too late. Too late.

"Loki," Wanda choked, not on her own emotions, Loki knew, but from the rush of desperate feelings fleeing Loki's mind because he could not bear – he could not bear it.

It was another of Thanos' visions, Loki thought desperately. This was not true, just another cruel trick of the Mad Titan. Thor could not possibly be –

"We should…we should spread out, see if we can find survivors," said Strange faintly, but no one moved to leave.

Loki's eyes fixed themselves on his brother's still, pale face, asleep save for the unearthly, waxy tint to his skin. Was this what Thor had felt, Loki wondered, cradling Loki's body on Svartalfheim?

I'm here. I'm here, brother. I'm here. But Thor was no longer there to see it.

"Something's coming!" Peter's voice failed to snap through Loki's numb incomprehension. Dimly he was aware of movement around him, Strange striking a fight pose, Stark raising one of his rocket-powered arms, even the Valkyrie lifting her head, gripping her sword at the ready. Wanda stepped in front of Loki, prepared to defend him – silly, sentimental girl – from the shadow that lumbered forward out of the dust.

"Who is there?" a voice rumbled and made the hair on the back of Loki's head stand on end. He tore himself away from Thor's face. "You hurt my friends. I smash you."

"Banner?" Stark said disbelievingly and lowered his arm. "Shit, Banner. It's us."

"Hulk!" the beast said furiously, emerging in full, green face screwed up in anger and confusion, looking about a second away from charging at them. "No Banner!"

Recognition dawned on Valkyrie's face. She was on her feet in a second, sword stowed away, approaching the beast with raised hands. "Big Guy, it's okay. It's me."

"Angry Girl?" The Hulk said, and the creases in his face melted away, although he still remained confused. "How did Angry Girl get here? Angry Girl come with friend Tony?"

"Hey Green Guy," Stark said hoarsely.

"And Puny God?" The beast had caught sight of Loki. Maybe the Hulk would slam Loki into the ground like a ragdoll again. Maybe he would leave his broken body among the rubble of the ruined earth. Maybe – "Puny God hurt friend Thor?" The beast growled.

Loki laughed. It caught in his throat and came out more like a sob. Wanda's hand landed on his shoulder.

"No," surprisingly it was Stark who protested. "No, Big Guy. Loki didn't hurt Thor."

Loki was looking at Thor again. He looked like Frigga. Loki could see hints of Odin, too, in the forehead, but it was primarily Frigga who hid behind his brother's face – in the softness around his eyes, the gentleness of his lips, even his hands, not delicate, but nimble in the way hers had always been.

Frigga was dead. It was easier to grasp then what lay on the ground before Loki's knees now. So was Odin. And Thor was – Loki was the last one left. What was Loki now? What could he possibly be now? What was a shadow without the light that cast it?

Loki curled his fingers into Thor's palm, nestling his fist there, kneading warm back into the stiff flesh.

"What are you doing here?" Stark rattled on in the background of Loki's mind, behind the voice in his head that protesting no no no no no and slowly devolving to a persistent drone very like screaming. "Are there others?"

"Hulk is finding friends," the beast said somberly. "Hulk kill more aliens, too. Hulk kill five already."

"Finding…" Stark began but his voice faded into horrified comprehension. "Where are they? Banner – Hulk – which others?"

"Hulk bring you," said the beast. He lumbered forward. Loki felt the ground shake as he approached, casting a shadow across Loki and Thor. "Hulk bring Thor."

The beast bent down from the waist. Loki realized what he was about to do just before his broad, green hand cupped the back of Thor's head.

"No –" Loki didn't want to him to take him away. Loki didn't want to be without Thor, not when he finally got to see him again, finally got to – too late. Too late. Too late.

"Loki, it's okay," said Wanda softly and squeezed Loki's shoulder. She reassured him like he was a child, a damaged child, incapable of accepting that Thor was –

The beast lifted Thor with shocking gentleness. Loki bit back his shout to be careful, you brute, you'll hurt him because it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Thor was –

"Hulk show you," said the Hulk again. His voice, too, was strangely husky. Loki wondered if something was clogging his ears or if the beast really was capable of sorrow.

The Valkyrie moved to follow the Hulk at once, trailed immediately by Peter, who likely felt safer in the company of the two formidable warriors. Loki watched them leave. His legs were once again useless and he did not think he had the strength to shift deliberately. Without the use of his seidr he was as good as helpless.

Maybe they would just leave him there. Loki wanted to be left behind. There wasn't a point anymore. No point now that Thor was –

"Come on, Rudolf," said Stark gruffly.

It occurred to Loki that they didn't know about his spine yet. The quinjet hardly had the proper diagnostic capabilities. They'd only seen him stand and walk in his Jotun form.

He expected that admitting it would make his stomach burn in shame, but it didn't. This, too, didn't matter now: "I can't walk." He cleared his throat. "My legs – I can't walk."

"Oh," said Stark stupidly. "Right. Okay. Don't usually do this on the first date, but…" Stark leaned over, armor creaking, and scooped Loki into his arms and straightened. He clunked after the disappearing figure of Hulk. Wanda and Strange fell into step behind him.

Loki wanted to protest but he didn't. Loki just gritted his teeth and waited for it to be over. It was surprising easy because Thor was –

They walked deeper into the graveyard. Bodies and wreckage lay to every side. The earth had been torn apart by some great force, and chunks of rock were raised above others, carving deep fissures into the ground.

A woman's voice called out to meet them, note of warning in her voice, "Banner? Is that you?"

"Hulk," the beast corrected her.

"Who's with you?" the woman demanded.

"More friends," the Hulk answered. "Hulk find friend Thor. I put my friend with the others." Hulk continued on his mission.

Stark's lips were pressed into a tight line above Loki, obviously afraid of what the Hulk would lead him to. Strange lingered behind to speak to the woman, a fierce looking warrior with short, tightly curled hair and eyes red from the dust or tears, Loki could not tell.

"I am Dr. Strange. We just arrived here. Can you tell us what happened?"

"I am Nakia," the woman answered, voice heavy with sorrow. "I am afraid you have arrived too late."

Too late. Too late. Arrived too late.

"I'm Tony Stark –"

"I know who you are, Tony Stark," said the woman. She smiled faintly, as if recalling some fleeting memory.

"What happened?"

"An attack," said Nakia. "Not only here, but New York, Berlin, all across the world."

"Tony –" said Peter urgently. His face was open, hurt and frightened. "New York – what about May?"

Stark didn't answer. A flash of pain crossed his face.

"Go to your friends," said Nakia softly.

Stark set off again, Loki barely jostled in the strength of his metal arms. The recovered dead were laid in rows. Loki saw one man being tended by two women, one older, one a child about Peter's age. The woman was chanting beneath her breath something that might have been a prayer. The girl rocked backward and forward on her heels, sobbing "brother, brother, brother" in an incessant rhythm.

The Hulk walked carefully among the bodies and bent to lay Thor gently back to the ground. Stark walked forward, as well, and set Loki down with surprising tact back next to his brother.

Wanda still followed them. Her hand darted out and gripped Stark's forearm. "Tony," she hissed. "Tony, look –"

"All Hulk's friends," said the beast sadly.

"No," said Stark, voice strangled. Loki's eyes drifted again away from Thor. He did not want to look at his brother. He never wanted to look away from his brother.

Stark tripped forward. There was another familiar body on the ground. It was Captain America. Loki recognized his face behind the beard and bloody gash along his cheek. There was another man kneeling at the Captain's side, he had long hair and a metal arm. He pressed a kiss to the Captain's forehead just as Stark stumbled forward.

"Steve, no," said Stark.

The other man looked up, confusion behind the rough grief on his face. "Stark…?"

Stark ignored the other man but crashed to the ground at the Captain's side.

Strange was silent, as were Peter and the Valkyrie.

Wanda peeled away and fell beside another body. "Clint," she whispered, gripping her knees to her chest, gasping like she couldn't breathe. "Clint. No. No. No. Clint."

Her grief exploding inside Loki's body so that for a minute he could not see for the blaze of pain inside his chest.

The Hulk fell to the ground, sending vibrations through the earth, and sat beside a woman's body. He tangled his large fingers in her light blond hair, silent tears trickling down his green cheeks. "All Hulk's friends," he said again.

The Captain. The Widow. Loki's Hawk. Earth's mightiest heroes scattered on the ground, mighty no longer, and Thor among them because Thor was –

Dead.

Thor was dead.

Thor was dead and Loki was too late. There had not been enough time. There had never been enough time –

"Strange," the word was out of Loki's mouth before he could stop it. The man turned to look at him – was it a flash of understanding already sparking inside the other man's eyes? "Strange, so help me –" Loki was shaking uncontrollably. He could feel anger and grief building in equal measures inside his chest and he fought hard to ensure anger would win out. "I swear, Strange – if you do not – if you do not then I will kill you. I will tear the thing from your throat and do so myself –"

"Loki," the Valkyrie warned, stepping forward. Strange reflexively gripped the locket that hung around his neck, eyes wide and glued to Loki, face drained of color.

Thor was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Now acknowledged, it beat in Loki's head like a mantra. Thor was dead and he didn't have to be – didn't have to be if Strange only – if Strange –

Loki was crying. He felt the hot tears slipping down his face. He could not see for the blur in his eyes. "Do it. I swear. Do it, or I'll kill you. I swear I'll – please."

"You son of a bitch," said Stark. He was back on his feet, standing in front of Strange, voice leveled with a cold, deadly calm. He lifted his arm as if it was the most natural thing in the world and pointed the repulsor directly at Strange's face. "If it wasn't for you we would have gotten here sooner."

"Tony…" said Strange slowly.

Stark was going to blast Strange's head right off his neck. Something tore inside Loki's gut. Icicles sharpened to spearpoints thrust out of the ground, speeding toward Stark's chest. Stark staggered back; his repulsor blast shuddered through the ice, scattering shards into the air.

A shout tore itself from Loki's lips, "Strange – Now!"

And the world rolled backward.

The End.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Stay tuned. Shit ain't done getting real.

Note on 2/19/19

Hey all. I'm not sure how many of my dedicated readers will see this, but I wanted to give you some kind of explanation for why an update has been so long in coming. So here are some things I'd like to say:

One: grad school is a lot, and any time I haven't been writing papers or reading academic journal articles has been spent freelance editing or trying to salvage my social life.

Two: depression sucks y'all. I hate, hate, hate that my mental health issues get in the way of things I love. It makes me sad to see how far I progressed in this story, to see the rest of the plot outlined in my word-doc, to see how many of you were invested (and maybe still are), and to feel completely incapable of putting words on paper. I'm working on bringing my brain to a better place, but I'm not sure, yet, where Avengers fanfiction fits into my "getting better" plan. Please understand that I want to finish this story; I'm just not in a spot right now where writing is an easy thing to do, and I have to invest what mental energy I have into school and work.

Third: I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the reviews, follows, favorites, and personal messages. I wish I could thank you all individually. I'm so touched that so many of you have found "atonement" even the tiniest bit compelling. I hope someday I'll be able to give all you incredibly patient readers a conclusion...but I don't know when that will be. I'm sorry for making you wait. But thank you for waiting. It means the world to this fellow MCU fanatic 3