P.S. For the smut, head over to Chapter 3… The first two chapters will simply be introductory. I'm planning to have a smut every three or so chapters, if you catch my drift.

"Oscar! What are you doing?"

Oscar's eyes flew open, cane in hand. He was just sleeping... Maybe he was sleepwalking? Ruby stood above him, carefully holding her arm.

"You could have killed someone, with that cane of yours! Swinging it around..." Ruby shook her head. "Be more careful, okay?"

Oscar blushed. "Sorry, Ruby. I should probably be more careful."

Ruby rolled her eyes, but also smiled a little. She walked out of the room, carefully calling Qrow.

Oscar closed his eyes again, but he couldn't get the image out of his head: seeing up Ruby's skirt. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head.

Now now, Oscar, we both know the affection you hold for young Miss Rose.

"Shut up, Ozpin. I could never date her."

And why is that?

"I have a talking man in my head! I literally share a body. With an immortal being! People will think I'm crazy! I think Ruby already thinks I am, from my little sleepwalking escapades."

Oscar, I know this may seem incredible, but you and I are two different people in one vessel. I hold no romantic attraction for Miss Rose, certainly not as much as you, but if you love her, and I know you do, you must chase after her with all your being. Do not let my… conditions handicap you.

Oscar rolled over in his bed. He didn't care at all. Nope.

"Oscar! Get up! We have an issue on our hands!" Ruby screeched. Oscar woke at once, grabbed his cane, and ran upstairs.

There was Ruby holding Crescent Rose, teaming with Jaune and looking at Nora with trepidation in their eyes. In the back, Ren was frying pancakes. There were loud noises and thumps, although where they came from, it was unknown.

"What?" He said, confused.

Jaune turned around. "We removed every outlet in the house! Every one!"

"What did we miss? There wasn't even a toaster nearby!" Ruby half screeched.

"What's going on?" Oscar shouted.

"It's-" Ruby started.

"IT'S ME!" shouted Nora. "AGAIN I HAVE COME TO WREAK HAVOC UPON YOUR FEEBLE LITTLE MINDS. I WILL STEAL YOUR PANCAKES AND DESTROY THEM RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! BOW BEFORE ME!" She started laughing some more.

"How did she get this much power?" Oscar shouted, dumbfounded.

"FOOLS," Nora laughed, "I STOLE QROW'S SCROLL WHILE HE WAS DRUNK!"

"Curses," Ruby muttered. Meanwhile, Jaune had made a dash for the pancake stack in the back. Unfortunately, Nora saw.

"HA!" With a strong snap kick, the pancakes went flying into Nora's mouth. Jaune was on the verge of tears.

Oscar, this is your chance. Save Ruby from this predicament!

With a lurch, Oscar grabbed Nora's leg and pulled. Nora came crashing down off the table, but still angrier than ever.

"I thought you were my friend! I thought you would have supported me with my pancake-thieving duties!" Oscar backed up quickly, scared out of his wits. Just when Nora was about to lunge at him, Qrow pinned her down.

"Uncle Qrow!" Ruby shouted, jumping on to him. "Thanks!" She hugged him, while Nora laid on the floor being crushed.

"No…" She muttered as Jaune got a second stack of pancakes. "My buttery delicious syrup-laden golden fluffy pancakes…"

Oscar smiled, but after grabbing a pancake or two, retreated back to his room.

"I messed up," he whispered. "I was supposed to help her."

Everyone messes up, Oscar. Don't beat yourself up.

"Shut up, Ozpin."

Besides… I am afraid that you will soon have more pressing problems than romancing Miss Rose.

Oscar sat up. "What?"

There is a grave threat soon to arrive. You've been warned. Just like that, the voice of Professor Ozpin vanished into the depths of Oscar's mind.

Knock, knock…

Oscar's head whipped around.