Synopsis: Ardyn Izunia doesn't get calls or texts from random numbers. He never gives out his number without making sure to get the other parties saved into his contacts. But now he's getting one late at night. Asking for nudes.

Warning

Contains: Mild solo play, implied loose sexual preferences, and a tiny bit of language.

AN: This happened because of all those crazy peeps over at Ultima. They are terrible influences and this has been stuck in my head for the past week... so this is for them and our fearless leader Ryan (aka TheNightSkyPrince). Daddy wouldn't stop poking at my plot bunnies so really yall are all to blame for this.

Insomnia Calls

Leville Hotel will always be one of Ardyn Izunia's favorite places to stay. The lights rarely flickered and there was this metallic buzz in the air from the power plant that made the scratching madness in his head less noticeable. He even enjoyed the ride through the mountainside; Zipping along with the top down as he rode through the tunnel with the yellowed round bulbs blinking past quickly and crisp air in his lungs.

The city was this cheerful place tucked away from everything else. Here nobody seemed to take much notice to even Ardyn's favorite hotrod-red convertible rumbling into a parking spot next to the rusting town cars and brown trucks stuffed with hay. People just went about their business as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. It was almost comparable to Insomnia. Except electricity runs dark half the time now and the metropolized roads wind in endless circles. It's surprising nobody gets lost in that God forsaken imitation of a Kingdom. Yes, it was very well he didn't have to visit the taken Crown City often. Only when called upon by Emperor Aldercapt.

Ardyn groaned and sank into the armchair. The mossy green upholstery was a little worn but the cushions were still sound and didn't squeak under his weight. Thankfully he also held good repute with the owner and as soon as he called in ahead that he'd be stopping by for the evening there was a bellhop waiting to take his bags to one of his usual rooms.

The windows were already partially opened letting in just enough breeze through the same green colored curtains to make Ardyn forget he had been mucking around a swamp, of all places, for the better part of the morning and afternoon. Those boys will surely be my undoing… Well, not exactly if everything else went according to plan. He kicked up his feet onto the nearby ataman ottoman as the bellhop showed himself out and tipped his fedora to cover his face. For a long moment he sat like that, motionless with his arms crossed above his head listening to the bubbling chatter and nightlife float up through his window.

Ah, has it been a while my city of solitude. For he had avoided Lestallum the past several weeks due to festivals. Ardyn just didn't care for that kind of life. He had to resort to staying at the Quayside Cradle several times in a row. Not that anything was wrong with the hotel on the seaside. It just didn't fit his style. All the salt water made his scalp itch and skin feel dry.

The reverie slowly wore off and the reminder that he was still covered in grime and probably smelled like crocodile set in. What he needed was a good shower. Then perhaps watch some tv or ask the main desk who was on call tonight. Some bedroom company would help relieve some of those kinks starting to form in his shoulder blades. Smiling under his hat, Ardyn reached for his phone he'd set on the side table but realized that he had gotten in late as it was. The main desk had been vacant when he arrived.

Letting out a frustrated sigh as he left his hand laying on top of his phone in complete defeat. I swear next time I see- His phone vibrated once causing him to tense up. It was a text. Nobody ever texted Ardyn first let alone this late in the evening. Perhaps it was just an email notification but the second reminder buzz thirty seconds later told him it was indeed a text. He almost ignored it. Because the only real person who ever texted him was Ravus. But if the Commander was texting him this late in the evening it might be important.

Picking up his phone and lifting up just the brim of his hat with a finger Ardyn looked at the screen. "What the fuck?"

Unknown number :Heeeey sweet Daddy send me some nudes:

The text read followed by a series of kissy faced emojis. He just stared at his phone. First and foremost Ardyn Izuna didn't get calls or texts from random numbers. He never gives out his number without making sure to get the other parties saved into his contacts. Yeeaah I should just ignore it. But the idea of being persistently bothered for lewd photographs would end up driving him insane.

Ardyn :I think you have the wrong number.:

He nodded satisfyingly to himself as he sent back the message. Laying his phone on his chest, Ardyn let his fedora fall back over his face and sighed to himself. Crisis averted. Not that it was the most explicit thing anyone had ever asked him to send. A quirky smile spread across his face as he tried to remember the little redhead vixen's name when his phone buzzed again. He frowned when he saw that indeed the "crisis" hadn't been prevented.

Unknown number :Nah I don't think so Daddy Ardyn

Staring blankly at the screen he felt an uneasy chill run down his spine. How the hell do they know my name? Okay, he was a hundred percent sure no one would give out his number without letting him know. Well, more like ninety-nine. Aranea was pretty feisty and was usually good at finding ways to annoy him.

Unknown number :So

Unknown number :About those nudes…

Ardyn :How did you get this number?

Unknown number :You gave it to me don't you remember

Unknown number :Daddy? (more kissy faces)

No, he didn't. That was why he was asking.

Ardyn :Oh really?

Unknown number :Mmmmhmm (winky face)

A long pause drawled as Ardyn tapped the side of his phone. Forget that this random person was asking for naked photos he wanted to know how the hell he didn't have their name saved. Honestly he couldn't think of anyone new in several months that he had exchanged contact information with.

Ardyn grinned, pushing his hat up enough to where he didn't have to hold it anymore. He did have to think. Whoever it was could be a minor. But he didn't know anyone that young. Even the so-called Chosen Prince was already twenty. So really what did he have to lose? In fact, maybe taking them up on it would scare them off.

Unhooking his vest to get to his shirt, Ardyn pushed aside his clothes. He closed his eyes and ran his free hand slowly over his sternum all the way down. Snapping open the buttons with ease and unlatching his belt. Leaving his hand partially down his pants so his fingers would warm up. Palming himself over his boxers in preparation. It had been some time since he'd done it himself. Usually if asked, anyone was happy to oblige the rugged Chancellor in most aspects that included his bed.

Hand warmed up enough to his liking, Ardyn carefully shimmied his pants down to his knees so not to accidentally catch himself uncomfortably. Taking hold of his growing erection, he slowly worked from base to tip, raising the beast inside. It was actually a little erotic in a sense and Ardyn briefly thought about videoing himself and sending that instead. That would definitely shut up the little fly. Or at least shock them into silence. He grinned mischievously and chuckled as he stopped. Holding his finally hardened dick in place he opened his camera and switched the view so he could make sure to get the shot just right.

With the flash turned off and already low light coming through the faded lampshade it almost looked filtered. Swiping at the screen to view it properly and check the angle. It'll do. A few more taps and the photo was promptly sent.

Ardyn looked down where he was still holding his stiff self and shrugged. Slouching further into the armchair, knocking his hat to the floor as he went back to work. Might as well finish. Because it was certainly too late now to try and find an actual hussy and even more pointless to clean up twice if he waited to do so after taking a shower. At least now I'll be left to do this in peace.

"I-I don't think h-he's gonna reply."

Noctis jabbed relentlessly at his screen. He was only gone for ten minutes downstairs for drinks and left his phone on auto play on King's Knight to find Gladiolus typing away. "I certainly hope not." He frowned, answering Prompto's faux cheerful assessment. His best friend had a bad habit of stuttering a little when he wasn't completely sure. It was the same with the smile that usually accompanied it. But Noctis was too nice to break it to him.

"Indeed." Ignis agreed. Patting down his still wet hair and squinting at them since he hadn't put his glasses on yet. "What compelled you to even text such a lewd request to the Chancellor anyways?"

Gladiolus grinned from his seat across the room. "I already told Noct I thought it was Aranea's number."

"Whatever, yo." Noctis sighed, not believing it for a second. "Still not cool."

"C'mon, don't tell me none of you are curious now."

"No." All three replied at once.

"Not really." Of course Noctis knew each of them had their own reason. They didn't think he noticed. Not even Ignis as he gave the Prince a quick glance that he covered up with replacing his glasses.

"What's done is done." Ignis sighed and took up his seat around the table. "Shower's all yours, Gladio."

The bathroom door clicked shut as Gladiolus snickered and Prompto came over to console him. "W-well, hopefully he won't have to call any of us any time soon and wont figure out it came from you."

Noctis gave him a sideways glance that said otherwise just as his screen lit up. Tilting his phone over a little and directly into Prompto's view. He all but cried out in surprise, covering his eyes quickly with the back of his hand and jolting upright.

"What happened?" A shirtless Gladiolus poked his head out.

"What'ya think?" Noctis called out right before Prompto started calling their friend every name in the book.

Laughing, Gladiolus shut the door as Prompto continued to insult the plank of wood and the one behind it for scarring their Prince for life. How dare he. Noctis shook his head, grinning as he looked the photo and messages over again.

"You are going to delete that right?" Ignis asked. Looking at Noctis over his hot cup of tea. The steam was starting to fog up his advisor's glasses deflecting any sort of motherly behavior he was trying to impose.

"Mmm, already did." He answered, tapping at the picture and making sure it got saved in the correct folder before showing Ignis that he had done just that. Because nobody else needed to know that he had compromising photos of each of them. It'd spoil all his fun.

AN: Now that this is all over with we can return to our normal programing and I can get back to my other projects. Thanks for tuning in!

Edit: Apparently now Ultima wants chapter 2... So, yeah. That happened. XD