Space Jail

A/N: Just some fun with a few prompts. :)

Prompt 1: "I can't believe I'm sitting in space jail with you of all people."

Prompt 2: "Well, this is a nice change of scenery." "We're in prison." "I was being sarcastic."

Prompt 3: "I didn't even think of doing this until you told me not to, so when you think about it, it's your fault we're in this situation." "When I get free I'm kicking your ass."

Bruce watches as the door shuts to the room he and Clark are forcibly shoved into it. Looking around, he sees one metal bunk bed, a metal toilet, and a metal bench. There is no window, not that Bruce had expected one in a jail on this particular planet. The aliens might be humanoid in appearance but they were very different to humans with the way they acted. It almost makes Bruce wonder how different the Kryptonians would have acted from humans if it weren't for their current predicament taking up all his thought process.

They had gone on a mission across the galaxy to a far away planet that supposedly needed the League's help. Turns out all they needed was some diplomatic intervention between two rivaling factions. The planet they are currently on, the one in which called them, was being threatened planetary takeover by another hostile planet and needed a couple members of the League—Batman and Superman since no one else was available—to straighten stuff out between the two and come to a compromise. Clark took care of most of it, seeing as with his powers, he was able to learn the language the fastest. However, according to the Kryptonian, the ambassador of the foreign planet that had called upon them, is a huge "jerk" and the king isn't any better. And that's how they got themselves, or more like how Clark got them, into trouble.

Bruce sighs, taking a seat on the metal bench. "I can't believe I'm sitting in space jail with you of all people."

"Ha, very funny," Clark retorts. "Should I punch the door off?" Clark eyes the door, squinting as if the Kryptonian is using x-ray vision on it.

"No," Bruce says. "We're in enough trouble as it is."

Clark comes and sits next to him. "So we're just going to sit here and wait?" Bruce hums in response, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Well, at least this is a nice change of scenery."

"We're in prison," Bruce deadpans.

"I was being sarcastic," Clark responds immediately. Bruce hears the Kryptonian leaning back and resting on the wall much like Bruce is doing. "So… any plan on how we are going to get out of here?"

"Not yet." Bruce opens one eye, looking at Clark through the visor of his cowl. "We wouldn't even be in this mess if you hadn't of punched the ambassador in the face for whatever the hell he said."

"First off," Clark starts in defense. "He had said some pretty nasty things about you." The Kryptonian wrings his hands together. "Secondly, I didn't even think of doing it until you told me not to, so when you think about it, it's your fault we're in this situation."

Bruce blinks open his other eye, looking at Clark in amazement. "When we get free I'm kicking your ass."

Clark rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, pouting. "Fine, I'll take responsibility but you can't deny the fact that you gouded me on."

"By telling you not to engage?" Bruce asks, incredulous. He almost chuckles with Clark's display of petulance but manages to keep it at bay.

"Yep, if you hadn't told me to not punch that ungrateful, arrogant, good for nothing, pig of an ambassador, then I would have never even thought to do so."

This time it's Bruce's turn to roll his eyes. "Uh huh, sure." He turns his body slightly more towards Clark. "That's why you were getting so tense and your heart rate was picking up speed."

"My heart rate?" Clark's arms fall to the side, loose and relaxed. "How do you know that?"

Bruce leans forward and presses his lips against Clark's neck, right on the pulsing vein. "I like to keep an eye on my favorite chew toy." He bites the spot and leans back on the bench. Clark is scowling.

"And you complained about me listening to your heartbeat." The Kryptonian's arms are crossed again.

"That's different."

"How?"

Bruce shrugs and they both end up giggling over their banter. When it dies down, Bruce continues. "I really am going to kick your ass for insinuating that this whole thing is my fault. I can't even understand what they are saying."

"That's probably a good thing." Bruce's eyebrows furrow at Clark's statement but the Kryptonian doesn't elaborate. "How do you plan on kicking my ass?"

Bruce's eyes narrow in suspicion. "Oh, I have my ways. I was thinking of something maybe to do with a little Kryptonite, maybe the bedroom. I don't know yet. I need to plan."

"Well it's starting to look like you have plenty of time to do that." Clark eyes him from the corner of his own eyes. "But no Kryptonite, please. I would rather not throw up while we are in bed together."

"Fine," Bruce crosses his arms. "No Kryptonite but I do get to control what happens."

"Deal." Clark's eyes are downcast, watching his hands as they rub blue spandex covered thighs.

Bruce's eyes narrow even more. "What were they saying about me?"

A small scowl appears on Clark's face once more. "You don't want to know."

"Oh, I think I do," Bruce says, as sultry as he can possibly make his voice while sitting in a white cube.

Clark shrugs. "They were just talking about you. Saying stuff about how they would love to… see you outside the uniform. See you naked. Get you into bed." Another shrug. "You know the usual stuff."

Bruce is full on laughing now, uncontrollable. Clark has always been the only one, besides his own children, to be able to cause Bruce to laugh this hard. Clark is glaring at him and when Bruce calms down, he says to the Kryptonian, "So you punched the ambassador and got us thrown into space jail because you were jealous?" Clark looks away, staring anywhere but Bruce while glowering. "That is the most ridiculous reason for getting arrested I have ever heard." Bruce shakes his head in amusement. "But leave it to Superman to do it."

Clark rolls his eyes. "You would have done the same thing if you could understand what they were saying."

"No, I wouldn't have," Bruce says confidently. "Because I don't get jealous."

One of Clark's eyebrows raises. "Uh huh."

That's when the door opens and the King of the planet walks in along with the ambassador—who is sporting a purpling wound where Clark had hit him—and one other alien. Clark exchanges conversation with the King and the two other members of the planet, the ambassador glaring viciously at Clark. It seems, at least to Bruce, to be going well until towards the end of the conversation, the King steps a bit closer to Clark and tells the Kryptonian something that makes Clark blush a bright red. Bruce furrows his brows in confusion but doesn't interrupt. When the aliens and Clark are completely done with their conversation, the three aliens turn to leave.

"So?" Bruce asks Clark immediately.

Clark sighs. "Since we are here on their request and it being our first time on this planet, we are being pardoned from the offense that I caused."

"They're letting us go?" Bruce asks for confirmation.

"Yes." Clark brushes himself off, as if his uniform isn't already immaculate.

"And what did the King say that had you blushing like a virgin?"

Clark hesitates in answering but at Bruce's raised eyebrow he finally relents. "He said he would like me to stay longer in order to show me what it really feels like to," Clark clears his throat, cheeks turning red once more, "have sex with royalty." Clark swallows. "I think he kind of guessed we are popular back on Earth."

Bruce barely hears the rest of Clark's answer, getting stuck on the fact that the king of this planet wants to have sex with Clark. "Does he now?"

Clark chuckles awkwardly. "Yeah, it's weird."

Bruce turns and starts pulling Clark along. "Let's go." Bruce leads the way and it doesn't take them long to catch up to the King and the ambassador. Bruce whistles to get their attention and the King isn't even fully turned around before Bruce's fist is connecting against the alien's jaw. Clark's eyes widen and Bruce postures superiority. "Stay away from boyfriend," he growls. Five minutes later, Bruce and Clark are sitting on a metal bench together in space jail.

Clark eyes him. "This time, it's definitely your fault."

"Shut up," Bruce groans, leaning his head back against the wall with a loud thud.

A/N: Thanks for reading!