A very long overdue chapter, I currently have had lots of problems with my anxiety and I've been focusing on my school work. Hopefully, with summer approaching I will have more time to write. Also I don't know if I have clarified yet but this story does have non-sexual ageplay and non-sexual pet play. It isn't quite said yet but it is coming. Thank you for bearing with me.

"John tilted his head slightly as he looked at him, slowly pulling Alexanders hand up to his face to inspect it before pressing small kisses all over his hand. His other arm was sneaking around Alexanders waist to press him impossibly closer, holding onto him gently as if he was made of glass. A beautiful porcelain doll is what he was to Laurens, terrifying yet defying all odds and being impossibly cute at the same time. His gaze drifted to meet Alexanders own. His eyes were like a hurricane, it was impossible not to be swept away by the roaring tides. There was so much hurt in them, so much pain dulled the light in them. He hated that, why couldn't he take away all that pain from his sweet lion at least for a few moments. Give him at least a few moments of pure innocence and happiness, he could see that too. Every so often he would see a sparkle of innocence return to his eyes before it disappeared as quickly as it came. He wished he had that innocence himself. John shivered and closed as his eyes as a memory came to the forefront of his mind, it was the first and last time he ever expressed his love for men. "There is the devil inside of you boy! How dare you bring that into this house! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" his father yelled, pushing himself out of his seat as he approached the then nine-year-old John Laurens. There was a loud crack followed by a cry. "John?! John come back to me!" He heard someone say, pulling him out of his mind. Suddenly he was aware he was on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks and his head on Alexanders shoulder. Alexander broke into a soft smile when he saw John open his eyes, making a soft shushing noise as he rubbed his thumb over Johns cheek. John simply pressed his face into Alexanders shoulder, letting out a small sob as he held onto him with a death grip he rarely used. In this house, they all had problems. They all had a past they were running from and sometimes it caught up with them. John moved his hands away from Alexander, too scared that he would hurt him while having a panic attack and he moved out of his hold as well as he sobbed. He hung his head as he gripped his hair, his breathing quickened every second as he struggled to get enough air into his lungs while pulling at his hair. His thoughts were racing as fast as his heart, his mind filled with memories that he tried so hard to suppress for so long. 'What if Alexander hates me now?' 'What if this is all just a game to him?' there was just an endless cacophony of 'What if' thoughts. He couldn't hear anything over them. Then suddenly there was something pulling his hands away from his hair, gentle as not to hurt him but relentless in effort to get them away. Johns head shot up, his eyes wide as he started to fight back but when he met Alexanders worried eyes he couldn't help but give up. Breaking down into another sob and then he couldn't breathe, he tried. He was gasping for air and none was filling his lungs. Alexander was terrified by what he was seeing but he told himself to stay strong, after all John was strong for him and it'd be unfair if he didn't return the favor. It was all happening so quick, one moment Alexander was holding onto him and the next he was pressed up against the wall with his head down and gripping his hair with a too tight grip. When he grabbed him, he resisted the urge to cry and back off when he saw John look up to him with such fear in his eyes, continuing to be relentless in his fight for his hands and finally he got them. He thought he finally got somewhere and then it all came crashing down again, he was sobbing and hyperventilating and oh god this was bad. "Hey hey…look at me…it's going to be okay, you're going to be okay. I need you to breathe with me..." he said softly, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. Keeping his eyes locked with Johns he breathed in deeply through his nose, holding it until John did so as well and after a few moments he let it out. John broke off into a sob as he let out his breath, immediately gasping again for breath. "Hey hey no, remember. Breathe with me..." Alexander repeated his actions, holding onto Johns' hands gently. He didn't know how long they sat there breathing with each other and staring into each other's eyes and he didn't care because at that moment it was just them against the world. No longer was it John alone battling his panic attacks Alexander was there with him fighting it with him. John blinked slowly when he suddenly felt a wave of tiredness wash over him, the typical aftermath of a panic attack. It took a lot of energy out of you. For the first time since all this started John smiled softly at Alexander who in turn smiled back, John was slow as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Petting at Alexanders hair and occasionally running his fingers through it instead, "Thank you baby…no one's ever done that for me before..." he said softly before yawning, fighting to keep his eyes open. Alexander smiled more and grabbed at Johns' hand, kissing his palm before standing up. Groaning as he stretched for a few moments before reaching a hand out to John, he slowly pulled himself up and leaned down to kiss his forehead and then he was turning around and pushing the door open. Never once did John let go of his hand as he stumbled towards his bed, practically collapsing onto it with his head falling face first into the pillow. He heard Alexander giggle softly and he couldn't help but smile, moving on his side to face him and shifting slightly so his back was pressed against the wall. John tugged on his hand so he'd also fall onto the bed with him, smiling more as he opted for wrapping his arms around him instead of simply holding his hand. "You're so cute you know that?" he said gently, pressing his face against Alexanders neck. "If you say so, now get some sleep. I can go see if your friends are still here…" he replied, pressing a kiss to Johns curly hair. In response John tightened his grip on Alexander, holding him close to his chest. "No…if they're still here someone else can deal with them. I don't want to be alone..." he mumbled, "But if you don't want to stay t-that's fine.." he immediately said after a moment of silence, pulling his head away from his neck and looking anywhere but Alexander. He was surprised when he heard him laugh softly, god what a beautiful sound that was, "No you idiot…" he said endearingly "I would love to stay here with you..." he smiled at him and John smiled back. Leaning forward and kissing him gently before shifting around to pull the covers over them both, it was a hassle that ended with both having to move around a lot and end up in weird positions to get it from under them. But it wasn't a bad thing, they were laughing softly as they did so and once the covers were over them they were once again flushed against each other. Just like they should be.