A/N: Okay, so not the usual sort of thing that I write, and not in a fandom I'm known for, but I rewatched the 1995 A&E version of Pride & Prejudice and this idea came to me. Just a bit of fluff, but hopefully you'll find it amusing to see things through Miss Darcy's eyes. Note: this follows the book version of the characters and events, which differ slightly from what was in the TV series.

Return to Pemberley

"If music be the food of love, play on." - William Shakespeare

It seemed as though I had been gone from Pemberley for so very long, and I greatly anticipated my return. My brother tries to encourage my socializing with others, but I am not confident in my bearing as he is. My tongue refuses to work, and I dread saying something fearfully inappropriate. Bad enough should I embarrass myself, but I cannot countenance bringing shame to my brother. He has been so kind and understanding of my past follies, but that does not make the memory of them any easier to bear.

I suppose it is cowardly of me to wish to retreat homeward, away from the frightening crowds of strangers so eager to know a member of the Darcy family. I have not Fitzwilliam's ease in their society. He would never be so weak in spirit as to hide himself away as I long to do. I could be forever content sitting at the pianoforte in our music room at Pemberley, sharing the company only of my brother and the long-familiar household servants.

I would never dare tell Fitzwilliam, but I even wish he would not so often bring his friends to our home. I do not mind Mr. Bingley very much, as he is kind and affable, always encouraging me as my brother does. It is his sisters and Mr. Hurst that make me quite uncomfortable. Especially Miss Bingley do I find intimidating. She rarely listens to anything I say, unless she persuades me to tell her of my brother. But I do not like to speak of him with her, for I much fear she wishes to marry him. I could never feel comfortable living at Pemberley with her as its mistress.

That was the one blot on my return home, that Mr. Bingley's relations accompanied us. Still, if it allowed me to escape the nightmare that is London, I would tolerate even them. And, yet, being home this time has been…different.

I knew that Mr. Bingley had taken an estate in Hertfordshire, and that his relations and my brother had spent a couple of months in that region. Such was not unusual, save that this time my brother returned to London speaking often and warmly of a Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He is not someone who is easily swayed to good opinion, so I knew the young lady must be remarkable for him to be so impressed. Little did I know, we would soon have the opportunity to meet.

Upon arriving at Pemberley, we were informed that Miss Bennet had been traveling with her aunt and uncle, and currently was staying at Lambton. I thought it might be possible we would meet, but nothing would do but that my brother make the introduction on the very day of my arrival. And after listening to all his glowing reports, I was no less eager to establish the acquaintance.

Mr. Bingley chose to accompany us on that visit, and the gentleman bubbled over with enthusiasm for seeing her again. I almost thought perhaps Mr. Bingley had developed an attachment, but then I noticed that as often as he mentioned Miss Elizabeth Bennet, in the next breath he spoke even more warmly of her elder sister, Miss Bennet.

To say the least, the lady surprised me. I suppose I had envisioned someone refined and elegant, such as Caroline Bingley or the ladies of the ton. Instead, I met a delightful woman, and one far more lively and pert than I would have thought could impress my brother. While Mr. Bingley spoke with her, Fitzwilliam pressed me to act the hostess and put forward a dinner invitation. Despite my awkwardness, her aunt was congenial in her acceptance.

It was only natural that Miss Bennet and her aunt should return the visit promptly; indeed they came the next day to call on me, since Mr. Gardiner had arranged to do some fishing with my brother. I was all nerves, as I was to be the hostess of the gathering. I was glad of Mrs. Annesley being there to provide support and subtle guidance, but I kept quiet more than was proper.

Unfortunately, Miss Bingley and her sister also attended, which did nothing for my awkwardness and hesitant manner. Both Miss Bennet and her aunt kindly turned a blind eye to my deficiencies as hostess, though they could hardly ignore the behavior of the other ladies.

I am young in years, and I know that I am ill acquainted with the ways of the world, but there was the most peculiar feeling in the air. I do not think Miss Bingley cares for Miss Eliza Bennet. Her words to Miss Bennet were often those I would consider bordering on rude. I would have been well and truly chastized had I behaved with such improper manners toward a guest, especially a guest in someone else's house. What was she thinking?

My relief when my brother appeared to give greeting to our guests was shortlived. His presence seemed to provoke Miss Bingley to even worse behavior. To her credit, Miss Bennet bore such haughty, snide attacks with dignity. When our visitors left, I was further astonished that Miss Bingley set about demeaning her in every possible way. I was mortified. Miss Bennet did not in any way reflect her crass words.

It seemed to me that Fitzwilliam became stiff with annoyance, but at length Miss Bingley went too far with her insults. Oh, how I wish I had possessed the nerve to set Miss Bingley down so soundly as he did. She more than deserved it. If I am correct that she wishes to gain favor with him, how could she ever imagine such behavior would be the way to induce it? I cannot countenance that he would ever consider marrying someone who acts in such an uncouth manner. It may be wrong of me, but in that I am grateful for her lack of tact, though I would not have her injure Miss Bennet's feelings in any way.

Later, as I pondered the course of the visit, I was struck by how amiable and eager to please my brother had been. He has ever been a cordial host in my memory, but this went beyond any previous efforts I had noticed. It seemed to me that he was most desirous of having Mrs. Gardiner, but particularly Miss Bennet, to think well of him. That realization gave more significance to some of the looks I had seen him give Miss Bennet. Could it be that he was smitten? I had never witnessed him being attentive to a woman previously, so I had nothing for comparison. But a tiny part of me dared hope that my speculations were true. I had every reason to think I could like having Miss Bennet as my sister.

To my further astonishment, though, the very next day after a short visit to my new friends in Lambton, Fitzwilliam returned agitated and upset. He advised that Miss Bennet and her relations had needed to depart unexpectedly for home, and would be unable to keep their engagement for dinner. He disappeared to his room and I did not see him for the rest of the day. At the evening meal, he told me it was necessary for him to return to London. Business there could not wait, and he would leave first thing in the morning.

I was all confusion. So much was happening at once, and I was not particularly pleased to be left with only the company of the Bingleys. However, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst spent most days out of doors, hunting or fishing, and Mr. Bingley's sisters seemed to have lost most of their interest in me. I suppose with my brother not in residence to be pleased by their affability toward me, they had little reason to exert themselves.

My brother did not return for nearly a fortnight, and I was at a loss to explain his absence. It was so unusual for him leave his friends while they were visiting at Pemberley, and I wondered often what business could have caused him to do so. When he returned, he was grave and silent, not speaking of his departure or return, save to tell us he would need to return to London within a week. Much of his time was spent behind the closed door of his study, and the consternation of his guests was considerable.

Miss Bingley's curiosity was no less intense than my own, and she desperately wished to know of my brother's concerns. She tried several times to attempt learning it from me, but fortunately I did not know and could not tell her anything. I would not have wished to, but I feared her insistence might overwhelm me into relenting, so I made a point of not inquiring.

Upon my brother's second return from London, he appeared to be very tired and dispirited. I longed to soothe him as he so often had done for me, but I knew not how to accomplish it. Even Miss Bingley could not bait him into responding to her barbs; indeed, I am not sure he was even bothering to listen to a word she spoke.

All of this made for a very strange return to my home. Only in my music did I find escape from the discord in my world. Fortunately, it was not too much longer after that when Mr. Bingley's relatives departed for Scarborough, and he and my brother returned to Netherfield to do some shooting. If I could not have my brother with me, at least I no longer was forced to endure the others and peace was recovered.

I confess that several times my thoughts turned to Netherfield. It struck me as curious that he had spoken little of Miss Elizabeth Bennet whose home was in the neighborhood. I fancied I could detect a lightening of his manner prior to his departure to Hertfordshire. Was he eager to renew the acquaintance? Had I truly noted a spark of interest in the lady?

Though part of me was delighted at the prospect, I was all too aware of the difficulties that might arise. Our relatives are proud, and for my brother to consider a woman of such lesser birth and status would appall them. I felt sure our cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, would be supportive, but certainly not our Aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I did not like to even think what her reaction might be were she to learn of his attentions to the young lady.

I was one of a very few who wished only for my brother's happiness, and certainly Miss Bennet struck me as someone worthwhile. Her manners were impeccable and proper, yet she was kind and solicitous for the feelings of others. Her lively energy would well complement my brother, perhaps even bring him out of himself. He had long been burdened with the care of the Pemberley estate, but also of me. A man so young as he should not have to face such weighty challenges, and I did not like to think he was working himself into an early grave.

Yet what could I do? I should never dare to travel to Hertfordshire on my own, and even if I was accompanied I would be of no use in furthering the connection. My presence would be more a hindrance than a help, but is it wrong of me to hope that without Mr. Bingley's relatives in residence, there might be a chance that an affection will grow into something more?

If I were to voice such a hope, I am sure I would be chastized for spending too much time reading novels of romance. Yet, I will dare to wish for just that. I should very much like to have Miss Elizabeth Bennet as my sister. Fitzwilliam is strong; he will not hesitate to brook the disapproval of our extended family. Yes, I shall very much hope to have a sister by Christmas.

The End

10/3/17 -11/5/17