Sehnsucht
by Mama Street

AU beginning with book 5, Harry Potter The Order of the Phoenix

Nur wer die Sehnsucht kennt
Weiß, was ich leide!
Only those who know longing
Know what I suffer!
Johan Goethe, 1795 ~

Chapter 1 ~ July, 1995

Remus Lupin sighed and drummed his fingers on the table top. What on earth was taking Dumbledore so long?

The whooshing sound of someone arriving via floo powder to the Headmaster's fireplace made him think his waiting was finally over. How did Dumbledore arrive via floo, anyway? Did he stumble and tumble out like most people? The wizarding world may have nailed efficient transportation, but few of them could stick a landing.

Remus turned in his chair to watch Dumbledore's arrival, but instead of the stately old Headmaster, a girl thumped down onto the hearth. She was crouched down like she'd anticipated a hard landing and paused for a split second on all fours like a cat, eyes darting around the room.

The girl stood swiftly and shook out the dust and ashes from her jacket as she walked across the room and took the chair next to Remus. She flung her hair back over her shoulder as she sat, and the small cloud of ash released made Remus sneeze. In that same moment, Dumbledore arrived.

"Ah, I see you two have met. So sorry your flight was delayed my dear. I trust it was an uneventful trip?"

The girl nodded once, and when it appeared no other information was forthcoming, Remus cleared his throat. "Um, sir?" Really? Sir? I've been out of school for fifteen years and I still can't address the man by his first name? "Why have you called me here? And we haven't met, actually," he said, nodding towards the girl.

"Well Remus, allow me to present…"

"Caroline Bingley," the girl interrupted. "But you can call me Lina."

Her voice surprised him. It was lower and more mature than he'd expected, and as he looked over at her he realized she was older than he'd first assumed. A woman, not a girl.

Dumbledore's eyes crinkled in amusement, but Remus was unsure why. "Mr. Lupin, I have asked you both here to charge you with the task of finding Sirius Black. I do not think it kind or helpful to allow him to keep wandering the country trying to help Harry and evade capture."

Remus frowned thoughtfully. "If we find him, where could he stay? The small rooms I rent are being watched. The Ministry already thinks I am helping him."

Dumbledore handed Remus a small scrap of parchment that read, The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at twelve, Grimmauld Place, London. "He shall return home, Remus. I have attempted to visit the Black Family house and am happy to report that it is very well concealed in a Muggle neighborhood of London. Strange for a family who hated Muggles so, but I assume it also kept away any friends they didn't trust," Dumbledore added, his eyes twinkling.

"He won't be thrilled with that," Remus mumbled under his breath. "Well, I'm afraid I don't know where to even begin looking for him," Remus said in his normal tone. "Harry mentioned once receiving letters from some very exotic birds."

"I am of the opinion that Mr. Black is quite close," said Dumbledore. "He was in fact staying near Hogsmead up until the end of the TriWizard Tournament. He is no longer there, according to Harry, but surely will not have gone far."

Remus glanced at the woman, Lina, as a faintly skeptical look flashed across her face.

"Well," she said briskly, standing from the chair. "Let's not waste any more time. I plan to be back in two weeks to collect my pay."

"Dumbledore, what exactly is your goal here?" asked Lupin cautiously, as he too stood.

Dumbledore smiled. "I should think that fairly obvious, Remus. I believe the Muggles say we are getting the band back together."

They walked beyond the boundaries of Hogwarts to disapparate. Lina turned to Remus expectantly. "Well? Where do you think he is?" she asked, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

Remus shot her a wry look. "I think we're looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Our needle is an escaped convict with no concept of how to live as a Muggle, no wand and a hippogriff. Our haystack is anywhere he could reasonably fly on said hippogriff, probably inclined to uninhabited areas." He flung a hand out indicating the Forbidden Forest. "If he's very close, he's in there. If not, there's acres of Scottish Highland to search. I couldn't tell you what Dumbledore's version of close might be. Add to that he's an unregistered animagus and can turn into a dog."

Lina grinned at him. "Excellent. I love a challenge. Give me the first three words off the top of your head to describe him."

Remus looked at her like she was crazy.

"Humor me," she said, making a face at him.

"Fine," shrugged Remus, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Sirius Black is stubborn, dramatic, and sentimental."

She nodded, thinking quietly for a minute. "Who's Harry…to Black, I mean?" she asked suddenly. "What's their connection? Dumbledore said Harry's received letters and been in contact with him recently."

"Sirius is Harry's godfather."

"Mmm-hmmm," she hummed. "And you said Black is stubborn and sentimental, so he's probably near Harry. We'll start there. Where does Harry live?"

Remus looked at her with a new respect. "Surrey," he replied slowly. "And Surrey is not the Scottish Highlands. If he's there, especially with a hippogriff, we might actually be able to find him."

Lina rubbed her hands together, "We're going to need a caravan," she said with a roguish gleam in her eye.

Before Remus could respond to that she grabbed his arm and disapparated.

They arrived with a loud crack outside an old farmhouse. Lina strode purposefully toward a barn, several hundred yards away. As she approached, a tall blonde, bearded man emerged. He wiped a hand across his brow and squinted at them both for a moment, before he broke into a wide smile. Lina ran forward and hugged him.

As they walked back toward Remus, the tall man held out his hand. Remus shook it firmly. "I'm Phillipe, Lina's brother," the man said in a deep voice."

"Remus Lupin," he answered, never feeling more like a pale academic than beside this bear of a man.

"You one of her kind, then?" Phillipe asked in a friendly voice. "A wizard?"

"Uh…yes," Remus said in surprise, looking over at Lina.

"I'm a Muggle-born. The only magical one in my family." She answered his unspoken question. Remus nodded.

"So are you on a job or here for a holiday?" asked Phillipe.

"Job. Can we borrow your caravan for a week or so?"

Phillipe narrowed his eyes at her. "Where would you take it?"

"We're hoping to not even leave the country," she said, placing her hand over her heart. "Honest."

"Two conditions, then. Remember I've only had it a year, so you'd better bring it back in good shape. And when you come back you'd better stay for a bit. Mum's been harping on how she never sees you anymore."

"Promise," she said, making an X over her heart.

Phillipe looked at her skeptically. "And you haven't got a car to haul it, have you?"

"Not yet," she said brightly. "If you can't let us borrow one I can steal one."

Phillipe rolled his eyes as Remus looked at her in shock. "Fine, you can use the Yugo," he said reluctantly. Lina made a face, but nodded. "Now, you two want to stay for tea? Then I'll help you hook up the caravan."

Remus was a little bewildered to find himself tucking in to a meal of sausages and mash with this Viking of a man and what appeared to be his slightly mental sister. He wondered, not for the first time, why he placed so much trust in Dumbledore.

After finishing the meal and hooking the caravan to the old muddy brown Yugo, Phillipe shook Remus' hand again and wished him luck. "I don't know for sure what my sister gets up to, but you look like you've seen your share of scrapes. Hope the job goes well."

"Thank you?" said Remus, a little uneasy. "We're just…retrieving someone, so it should be relatively uneventful," he added, climbing into the passenger side of the car.

They stopped at a market as the sun was setting, and loaded up several carryalls with nonperishable food and bottles of water. Remus realized then that they were outside of York, and had quite a drive ahead of them. "Why do we need a caravan?" asked Remus, as they sped down the M1.

"To transport the hippogriff, of course," Lina said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Remus was reminded vaguely of Luna Lovegood. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Granted, tracking and retrieving people isn't typically in my line of work, but why wouldn't we just apparate Sirius and the hippogriff to where we want them to be?"

Lina shot him a look that said she thought he was being foolish. "If Black's been on the run for over a year, trying to care for a hippogriff without a wand and doesn't know much about Muggles he's probably not in great shape. I doubt he's able to apparate at this point. And apparating with animals can be problematic. They tend to lash out after they land."

"Merlin, why didn't he come find me?" muttered Remus. "Or owl me to meet him somewhere?"

"Usually people don't ask for help because they don't want to be a burden," Lina said conversationally. After several minutes of silence, she glanced at his profile in the dim light from the dashboard. "Do you value privacy that much or are you simply not a curious person, Remus Lupin?"

He turned and narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm a curious person, but I value privacy more."

She nodded. "I understand. Other lycanthropes I've met are very private." Remus shifted uneasily in his seat. "I only asked," Lina continued, "because most people by now would have quizzed me on who I am and what I do and why Dumbledore asked for my help. You haven't done that."

"Do…do you want to talk about who we are and what we do?" asked Remus uncertainly.

"Not particularly," Lina answered in that same matter of fact tone.

Remus turned back to stare out the window at the darkening countryside, until he fell into an uncomfortable sleep, pressed against the window.

He awoke as they pulled into a petrol station. "Where are we?" he asked, through a yawn.

"South Berkshire. There's a caravan park I thought we'd try first, but we can't check in until later this morning. It's only two o'clock now. Do you need anything to eat?"

Remus shook his head, already falling back asleep. He started as Lina tossed a jumper at his head. "You can sleep in the caravan. It's a lot more comfortable. I'll just use the loo in the petrol station, and be right back."

Remus stumbled out of the car and walked to the funny little house on wheels. He fumbled with the latch on the door before flinging it open. Merlin, he did not function well being woken in the middle of the night. He looked around the interior for a minute before stretching out on the sofa-like bench and drifting almost instantly back to sleep. Lina returned to the car several minutes later and entered the caravan. "Do you need a blanket?" she asked, before realizing Remus was already sound asleep. "Men," she muttered, shaking her head. She took a moment to put up a few shielding spells, before hoisting herself up into the loft bed at the far end.

Remus woke late the next morning to the sound of the caravan door banging closed. The sound made him jump, and it took a couple pounding heartbeats to remember where he was. He left the caravan and followed Lina's golden hair as she disappeared into the petrol station. The pair used the station's facilities to clean up a little and then bought some breakfast sandwiches. Remus got tea, while Lina opted for a strong black coffee. He shuddered a little at the bitter smell. They traveled the short distance to the closest campground and got checked in and hooked up.

"What exactly is your plan?" asked Remus curiously.

"Well, during the day we're going to walk around the wooded areas where it would be easier to hide a hippogriff and leave your scent. Then Black might pick up on it when he's a dog and come find us. At night I will go out and see if I can find him. Or the hippogriff rather, as I don't know Black's scent. I'm pretty sure I'll recognize a hippogriff though."

Remus studied her for a moment. "You're an animagus too?"

Lina nodded. "Fox."

"Well, it doesn't sound as far-fetched as I thought your plan might," he admitted.

Lina leaned in close to his ear. "I was in Slytherin," she whispered, smirking at his surprised expression.