I don't know where this came from or where it's going, if it goes anywhere, but it was clawing it's way out and I had no choice. My Pirk muse has a mind of it's own.

"Jim, I know you're upset," Chris said, blocking her from leaving their apartment. He could tell that she wanted to avoid him but, for some reason he hadn't fully figured out, she was doing a crappy job at it. As expected, she glared at him but didn't say anything. "Jim…"

"You're aware of my schedule, sir. If you need to speak with me, I'm sure your yeoman could set aside some time," she told him as calmly as she could muster.

"I need an appointment to see my girlfriend?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Oh, so now I'm your girlfriend?" Jim asked, a slight growl tainting her voice.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He knew she was mad, hell, he was mad but they both knew that his job made him responsible for her actions and that he was well within his right to chew her out for what she did. He didn't exactly enjoy any of it, especially considering the newness of this part of their relationship.

Contrary to the rumors that ran rampant through the Academy, he and Jim were never together when she was a cadet. Hell, they weren't together immediately after Nero either. The subject didn't even come up until six months ago when he got a comm from McCoy that Jim was miserable. The good doctor, who was also her best friend, figured out that Chris was the most constant thing in her life and she missed him. So, he did what any good friend/mentor would do, he upped his comms to check on her a few times a week. Because Jim was flirty with most people, it took Chris two months to realize that she was serious. Of course, he was in a bit of trouble when that epiphany happened.

Chris was asked to handle the official induction of a planet to the Federation, one where he made first contact during one of his early commands. Everything was set to go off without a problem but some of the locals weren't exactly thrilled with the idea of joining the UFP and they decided to make an example out of Chris and his small team. He was about to be beheaded when Jim, Sulu, that big guy she calls Cupcake and a bunch of redshirts crashed the party. He could still see the look in her deep blue eyes when she cut him free and made a quip about how they needed to stop meeting like that. The rest, as they say, is history.

"You made it very clear how you feel about me violating regulations. As you have been reassigned as the commanding officer of the Enterprise and I am now your first officer, an interpersonal relationship between us would violate Starfleet regulation one-one-three-eight; 'Starfleet members may not engage in business or romantic relationships with superiors in their direct chain of command, inasmuch as this may be harmful to discipline and/or the functioning of the organization.' Clause Gamma covers relationships between an officer and their immediate subordinates, while Clause Theta prohibits a commanding officer from being in a relationship with any other member of their unit. So, I'm either your girlfriend and you're breaking the regs or I'm not. Or do you 'think the rules don't apply to you because you disagree with them'?"

The silence that hung in the room was deafening. Not because she was wrong but because she was right and they both knew it. Chris was as much a rule follower as Jim was a rule breaker, which is to say that they both took issue some of Starfleet's rules and found ways around them. He didn't really think about it when he took her to task for violating the Prime Directive that afternoon or when he asked Marcus to let him keep Jim as his XO. Now that he was thinking about it, they were in a tough spot. His words to her earlier, the words she just repeated, hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Look, I'm probably just gonna resign my commission anyway," she said with a dejected sigh. "Make everyone happy and save you the headache. I'll try to talk Bones into staying. He hates space but he's good at what he does."

"So are you," Chris said quietly. He didn't know a whole lot of people who could quote regulations at the drop of a hat like that, which made him even more frustrated with her. Jim knew exactly which rules she was breaking but she broke them anyway.

"No, I'm not," Jim said. "Everyone knows I'm not. I'm just a dumb farm kid who got lucky and my luck ran out."

"So, that's it? You're just gonna walk away?" he asked. "Leave Starfleet? Leave me? That's not like you."

"No, joining Starfleet isn't like me. I'm only here because you sat across that table and told me that I could do it. You made me believe, for the first time in my life, that I was worth something more than a dead man's ghost. I have spent the last four years listening to people waiting and wishing and hoping that I failed. When the shit hit the fan, I was right there, despite everything, doing what needed to be done to save billions of people. Not because I'm a Starfleet officer but because it was the right thing to do. It's what you were trying to do. And I knew… I knew when that jump from lieutenant to captain held and they gave me that ship that it was for the PR. I accepted it because I also knew that you had to give a recommendation to the brass on whether I could handle it. I thought that I had someone in my corner but apparently, I was wrong…"

"Jim…"

"I saved a world, Chris. I saved a whole world and the people living on that world. Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters and children. I saved a world and I'm being punished for it. I'm being punished for doing the same thing that got me command in the first place. Nobody complained when I broke the rules to save Earth. It got swept aside in favor of saving face with the Federation citizens. A year later, I do the same damn thing for another planet and now I'm in trouble. Does the brass really think that those lives on Nibiru aren't as important as ours? That those lives aren't worth saving? If that's what they think, I don't want any part of it. That is not what my father died for."

He heard the words she said but also the words she didn't say. Jim always believed that everyone deserved a chance. George Kirk had died to ensure that Jim had hers. She was willing to die if it meant someone else had theirs. People often mistook her willingness to sacrifice herself as the reckless arrogance of someone who didn't have to worry about anything. What most people don't know –or want to know- is that she worries about everything.

Growing up in her father's shadow, Jim has never felt validated in who she is as a person until she took command of the Enterprise. He saw the video feeds from the bridge when he was in the hospital, watched her as she strode over to the chair and took control of an unimaginable mess. Even covered in sweat and bruises, she looked like she owned the place. Every command was sure, every action measured. Barnett once described her as 'controlled chaos' and it couldn't have been a more accurate description. That was her element, the one place she called her own. Now, it wasn't hers anymore.

"I didn't ask for this, Jim," Chris said, cupping her face in his hands. His actions had two purposes; the first was to force her to look at him, the second was because she's a very tactile person. He watched as her whole body relaxed at the contact, despite how upset she was. "The last thing I wanted was to see you lose that ship."

"Well, it's gone." She let out a sigh, her hands reaching up to wrap around his wrists. "That doesn't even bother me."

"Losing the Enterprise doesn't bother you?"

"Okay, it might bother me a little. Not as much as it would have if they had given her to anyone else. She was always supposed to be your ship, so I know you'll take care of her. My problem is that I lost you."

"I'm not going anywhere and I'm not the one talking about resigning," Chris reminded her.

"'I gave you my ship because I saw a greatness in you. And now, I see you haven't got an ounce of humility.' Oh, and I love the part about not having respect for the chair. I thought you, of all people, knew me better than that." Jim sighed.

"Oh, sweetheart, I didn't mean that. Not in that way, at least," he told her. Chris didn't realize how it sounded until she repeated it; it sounded like he gave up on her. "There is nobody, and I do mean nobody, that I believe in more than you. That said, you are an infuriating pain in the ass."

"How exactly is that news?" she asked with a small smile. Jim gave his arms a little tug and he let her go. Unsurprisingly, she stepped closer to him, wrapped her arms around his middle and pressed her face against his neck. "You know that if I stay, we can't be together. If I resign, we'll never see each other."

"I know," Chris said with a nod. "I'm sure that we'll figure it out. You, my dear, have this annoying habit of finding loopholes."

"I prefer calling them third options. And everything I've come up so far with just leads to more trouble," Jim told him with a groan. "I don't really care what happens to me but I can't let you ruin your career… Not for me."

"It'd be worth it." He smiled before pressing a kiss on her temple.

"Two plus decades of honorable service in exchange for your trouble-making girlfriend of four months? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I've listened to some of Komack's speeches." She chuckled.

"They are pretty bad," Chris agreed, holding her tight against him. "You'd still be worth it."

"Chris…"

"I could always find another career, sweetheart. I can't find another Jim Kirk. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to."