(Inside a forest somewhere on Remnant that I don't fucking know...basically, somewhere...)

"LEARN HOW TO FIGHT, MAGGOTS!"

He slammed his Market Gardener into the face of the lunging beowolf.

"FOR YOU ARE JUST A BUNCH OF RAW MEATS!"

He then blasted his rockets from his Rocket Launcher towards the oncoming bigger-bodied ursa, sending the ursa flying into the air before it crashed into a tree.

However, he didn't see an ursa was slowly strolling up behind him. The ursa was 300 meters away from Soldier when it roared, alerting Soldier of its presence. Soldier turned towards the ursa and scowled more. He probably even growled at its sight.

"DO YOU WANT TO TASTE THE MIGHT OF AMERICA AS WELL?!"

The ursa let out a loud roar as a response. Soldier growled and gritted his teeth while putting back his Market Gardener in favor of bringing out his trusty Rocket Launcher.

"You think you can beat me, you communist bear? I have killed lots of raw meats before you! None of them stood a chance because AMERICA IS THE GREATEST!" Soldier loudly exclaimed while aiming his Rocket Launcher downwards towards the spot on the ground, right by his feet.

"COME AT ME, YOU PIECE OF COMMUNIST SCUM!"

Soldier then fired his Rocket Launcher onto the ground, sending himself into the air, all the while screaming his usual battle cry. The ursa also charged towards Soldier. Soldier then put back his Rocket Launcher and brought out his Market Gardener again. Nothing more could be said as Soldier and the ursa headed towards each other, as there was going to be a big clash of steel.

The clash of Soldier's Market Gardener and the ursa's claws, of course.

But for some reason, the clash never happened.

Just as Soldier was approximately 10 meters away from the ursa, the ursa suddenly burst into a cloud of blood and guts. Soldier didn't get to react in time as his whole body got covered with the blood and guts of the ursa. Soldier flinched at the blood spat onto his face and he crashed into the ground, face first.

"Haha! Take that, ye big pile o' shite!"

Soldier immediately brought his head back up as he listened to the very familiar voice of a certain Scotsman. He angrily growled and quickly used his hand to get rid of the blood and guts that got spat onto his face.

He looked around and then saw the main culprit that blew the ursa up.

"Damn you Scotsman! That was my victim!"

The said Scotsman, also known as Demoman, snickered to himself. The demolition specialist smirked to himself.

"Yer not the only one that's get ta kill these dipshits, ye dingus!"

Soldier then started to angrily runt about the fact that Demoman stole his kill and continued to talk about how America is the greatest place to ever be...

But hey, nobody got time for that shit. Demoman knew it and ignored the ranting. Instead, he turned towards somewhere else when he heard fast stomping were going after him. He fired several grenades from his Grenade Launcher towards several boarbatusks that were trying to get their jaws onto him.

"Think yer eat'n me fer dinner? How 'bout ye eat this, ye load of shites! Hahaha!"

Demoman just laughed, watching as each of his grenades went off, killing all the boarbatusks while also having their guts and insides fly out.

"Kaaaa-boooooom! Haha-aw! Oy!"

Demoman didn't get to wholly laugh as a leg suddenly hopped onto his head. He looked up and managed to get a glimpse on the youngest (possibly) mercenary out of them all, Scout.

"Scout! Watch where yer goin'! That hurt!"

Scout was hopping around from one spot to the another while using his trusty Bat to smash the heads of the horde of ursa that were surrounding their team. As he hopped and latched onto a tree branch, he noticed Demoman in his sight.

"Hey there, cyclops! Sorry 'bout that! In a hurry! Gotta go!"

Scout then hopped away and pulled out his Scattergun, which he used to kill a bunch of beowolves that were trying to lunge at him, but miserably failed because of Scout's high agility skill and evasiveness.

"Hehe. Oh, man. Jeez. I've seen a yeti fight better than you. This is just a whole new level of embarrassing." Scout's mocking is definitely helping him in inflating his ego even more...

…but it definitely wasn't helping with the fact that an ursa was waiting to strike. As Scout stopped to drink his Crit-a-cola, the ursa then jumped out and launched itself towards the young mercenary.

Scout heard the roar, but it was already too late for him to run away. He dropped his Crit-a-cola and looked at the masked face of the ursa as it stared back into his eyes. Scout's life flashed before him for a few milliseconds before one thought came to his mind.

"I knew I should've gotten Miss Pauling a better date."

Scout then covered his head with his arms and closed his eyes, ready to accept both his fate and pain.

None of it ever came.

"Mmphmm!"

Scout popped one eye open. He recognized that muffled voice so much. He looked towards where the ursa was standing and found his arsonist friend was standing beside the ursa.

"Pyro?"

"Mphm."

The pyromaniac, a.k.a Pyro, gave him a muffled confirmation, presumably saying it was Pyro.

Scout gave a nervous grin as he corrected his posture. It took him 10 seconds to remember what was happening to him in the first place.

"Hey, wait a minute...THAT BEAR WAS GOING TO EAT...me."

Scout looked towards the ursa and his fear went home when he saw that its head was nowhere to be found. As soon as Scout noticed that, blood started spurting out from the neck, showering Scout and Pyro with its blood.

Scout squirmed and his face turned into one that said, "This is disgusting."

"Ugh. What the Hell even happened?"

He then looked towards Pyro and found the Pyro was holding the head of the ursa in one hand, while the other held the Fire Axe.

He gave Pyro two thumbs up.

"Nice one, Pyro. That'll show that bear who's the greatest man to ever live." Scout said, obviously just trying to inflate his own ego even more.

"Mmmphmmphmm?"

"Huh?"

Scout didn't get what Pyro was trying to say. Pyro then lifted up the head high into the sky with their two hands, like that iconic (and memeful) scene from The Lion King. Scout could've sworn he heard some kind of tribal music was going around them.

"Pyro, just spit it out. What do you want?"

"Phmm..."

(Pyro's Land of Pyroland with the help of Pyrovision)

"Phmm..."

"Come on, buddy. Don't let the little baby stop you."

In this new world of Pyroland, Pyro was instead holding a small teddy bear in their hands. The teddy was talking to the arsonist about Scout, obviously.

"Mphmmphmmmmmphm?"

"Pyro, just carry me with you. He's not going to be the one to stop you. He doesn't even know the concept of being free."

"Mphmm!"

"That's right, buddy! Now come on, Pyro, we are going to-...Pyro, what are you doing?"

(Back in the real world)

Scout was clearly confused with Pyro. The arsonist was talking to the decapitated head of the ursa. It freaked the young mercenary out a bit. He became more freaked out when Pyro suddenly brought out the Flare Gun.

"Pyro, I don't know what's going on in your head there, but-Ahh!"

Scout barely managed to dodge a surprise attack from a lunging beowolf. He fell onto the ground quickly tried to get a hold onto his Bat. He gave a loud "Aha!" when he got the Bat.

He then turned to get up, but was forced to halt his attempt when the beowolf managed to jump onto him and pin him down.

"Oh, no no no no. Ya hear me? NO! Pyro! Little help here?!"

Scout turned towards the arsonist and found the Pyro was aiming the Flare Gun at the decapitated head.

"Pyro?"

(Back in Pyroland)

"Oooooh, bubbles? You know so much, my friend!"

The teddy bear said as Pyro aimed the small and seemingly harmless bubble blower and watched as Pyro blow through the small hole.

(Back in the real world...)

"Pyro! Shootin' heads with a flare gun is not helpin'! Help me!"

(Back in Pyroland...(wonder how many times I'm going to write like this..))

"Huhuhu! Yippee! This is fun! See ya later, Pyro! I'm off to a new adventure to the next realm!"

The teddy bear was just screaming happily and excitedly as it floated with the bubble. Pyro gave the teddy bear one final wave as Pyro gave a small laugh.

"Mmphmphmmmphm!"

Pyro then turned towards the little baby Scout and found him snuggling with a cute dog.

"Mmmphmmm!"

Pyro then put their hands on their right cheek, as if to say, "It's so adorable."

But hey, we're not going around learning about Pyro's language, right? We're going around ruining a world by making shitty fanfictions and-You know what? Forget it. Let's move on with the story.

Where were we? Oh, right. Pyro saw small, flying Scout was getting snuggled by a seemingly cute dog.

Why 'seemingly'? Well, nothing in Pyroland makes sense unless you wear the Pyrovision goggles and I'm just talking for more words. So...

Anyway, Pyro jogged with a happy intent on hugging the dog. As soon as Pyro got close to the dog, Pyro then assaulted the dog with hugs, with the dog barking happily as a response.

But then again...

(Real world...(this means fuck it...))

Scout could just sit there and watch with his mouth agape as he watched Pyro got the beowolf off of him and teared the beowolf apart with their bare hands.

It was nothing uncommon, really. They did this kind of shit back in Teufort as well.

When Pyro was finished with the beowolf, they looked at Scout.

Scout, having never actually got to talk to Pyro in a sense, decided to say something.

"Pyro, ya need help."

"Phmmmphm?"

"Uhh..."

As Scout started trailing off due to not knowing what to say, someone else decided to join in on the conversation.

"Are you two done with your little chat?"

"AHHH!"

Scout squealed when a new, yet familiar voice intervened. Instinctively, Scout dived into the arms of Pyro.

They then watched as a part of the environment slightly shifted, as if something, or someone, had been hiding in plain sight.

"Scout, I've seen you in battles. But that was just idiotic and cowardly."

Scout knew the man so well. He jumped off Pyro's arms, ready to talk to the man as the man deactivated his Cloak and Dagger.

"Go to Hell, Spy. Everyone knows you're the big coward. Ya always turn invisible when things turn ugly. And when we're the winning ones, that's when you show back up."

Spy didn't say anything. Instead, he continued to smoke his cigarettes. He waited for Scout to continue with his rambling.

However, no more rambling came.

"Is that all? If it is-"

"Hohoho, you've no idea how much I have to say about you and your stupid little face and your way of killing everyone by backstabbing them and how-"

Spy jabbed a hand into Scout's solar plexus, causing the young Bostonian to lose his breath and fall down onto the ground.

"Now, if you are done, we still need to help the others."

Spy then pointed a finger at a direction. Scout, still trying to get his breath back, and Pyro looked off into the direction and found two more of their teammates were fighting a horde of ursa.

"Yo! Heavy! Medic!"

Scout somehow managed to get back up and waved a hand towards the well-known Heavy Weapons Guy, or simply Heavy, and the team's medical assistance, Medic.

The aforementioned two stopped firing their weapons for a few moments when they heard the call. They looked towards Scout's location.

"Scout, Spy and Pyro is alive!"

"It seems so, too, mein freund. Looks like not even zees creatures can put up a fight."

"Hahaha! You are right, Doctor! These babies should know better!"

Soon, Scout, Spy and Pyro went over to Heavy and Medic in order to help them defend themselves against the white-masked creatures.

Scout did a double jump and hit one of ursas with his Bat, knocking it down.

Spy skillfully dodged a strike attack from an ursa by sliding through the small space between its legs, allowing him to take it out from behind. Spy jumped onto the ursa's back and used his usual Knife to stab it into the ursa's neck, intending to decapitate it.

The ursa tried to get Spy by clawing on its neck. However, it was already too late as Spy sliced around the neck and finally got its head separated from the body.

Pyro had his Fire Axe out and jumped onto another ursa and jammed it into its head and into its skull, causing blood to sputter out like a mini-geyser. Pyro then tried pulling it out, but in their attempt, they managed to take the head off as well. Pyro then used a hand to get the head off of the Fire Axe.

Heavy fired his minigun as a defense against an oncoming horde of beowolves and boarbatusks, all the while laughing.

"You little babies should have never come! You should have stayed at home!"

Medic was using Medi-gun to make sure everyone was at their full health while they were fighting. However, since they were faced with minor injury, a lot of the time was spent making sure they were overhealed.

Soon, the horde slowed down, and no more of the creatures could be seen in their eyes. Scout looked over towards Heavy and Medic.

"Yo, Doc. Big guy. How're ya doing?"

"Vee are fine, Scout. Vee have been trying to keep out much of zees critters from getting to our shpaceship. Vee vill need to get out of zis forest and find help."

"Doctor is right. Is still not safe to be here." Heavy decided to intervene, still holding his trusty Minigun, or as he called it...'her'...by the name of Sasha, ready to attack if more of the creatures were to come.

"Say, have anyone seen-" Medic started, only to be interrupted by...

"And don't you ever think America is a weak country!"

An ursa suddenly crashed onto the ground with Soldier on its back. Soldier's Market Gardener was lodged in its back. Presumably, Soldier used the Market Gardener to torture the ursa while riding it to make sure it learned about America.

Soldier then looked over to his five other teammates. He then gave a salute to them.

"Privates! This will be the day where these meats will learn of the great country, the one and only, AMERICA! This will also be the day where everyone shall learn to never mess with the greatest soldier on Earth!"

Spy rolled his eyes. He knew Soldier more than ever to know the man can just go on and on about America.

"AAAAYYYEEEE!"

Demoman then suddenly crashed into the ground in front of them after he seemingly flew through the air.

"Demoman?"

Demoman, as a response, tried to get up. However, he failed to stand up correctly as one of his legs was broken in the crash. The Scotsman screamed in pain when he noticed the sudden surge of extremely painful pain.

"Medic!"

Medic then immediately got his Medi-gun out and healed Demoman of his leg. Demoman then corrected his posture while holding his Stickybomb Launcher.

"Thanks lad! Aye need'd that!"

"Demoman, what did you do?" Spy decided to ask Demoman, curious how he was injured in the first place.

"Aye tried ta launch meself into space with these grenades. It's not workin'."

"Obviously."

The whole group stayed silence when they noticed there still people missing.

"Where is Engineer and Sniper?" Heavy asked the group. Nobody responded.

"Vell, zis is bad. Vee vould need to go and find zem."

The group then almost walked when someone decided to jump down from a big branch of a giant tree.

"Nah, no need for that, mate. I'd been standin' up there for a long time. Didn't any of ya mate saw me earlier?"

Everyone shook their heads. Sniper let his arms went to his sides.

"Bloody Hell."

"Hey, at least you're alive. Say, is hardhat somewhere 'round here?" Scout asked, hoping to find the last member to complete the team once again.

"Well, I did hear a sentry was bein' built at the other side, but-"

"WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!"

For some reason, every time someone tried to talk, they would always be interrupted by someone else as an entrance. In this case, Sniper was interrupted by, guess who, Engineer.

Because no one else aside from Soldier and Demoman could send themselves flying into the air with the help of explosives.

But hey, Engineer managed to use his Wrangler to control his level 3 Sentry and fire rockets from his sentry to send him flying.

Engineer landed in a perfectly good manner, save for the mangled leg, while still having the Wrangler holstered in his hand.

"Howdy partner! I've been searching for ya ever since I got the sentry built on the other side of the forest to defend our spaceship. I'd thought ya already died by these...things." Engi said, clearly worried for his friends. He then gave a thumbs up towards Medic for getting to heal his leg with the Medi-gun in such a short notice.

"Guess what, Engi? If not even a yeti can kill us, then what use are these, huh?" Scout said, proudly implying that they had fought a yeti once.

"Sometimes I wonder what Merasmus even thinks when he does stuff like this..."

Spy looked up into the sky, and his vision continued into the darkness that is space.

"Gentlemen, do you remember our mission? Our mission was simple; find Australium and go home. However, it seems, gentlemen..."

Everyone looked at Spy as he then blew smoke out of his mouth, waiting for him to continue.

"...it seems...we are going to be stuck in this brave new world for a long time. So, here is a new mission; show the inhabitants of this planet what we are capable of! For we are Team Fortress!"

The team of mercenaries cheered out loud to express their explosive feelings of being the greatest team of mercenaries on Earth:

Team Fortress.

This fanfiction is the result of playing too much TF2 non-stop. I'm not proud. Shut up. I need to find something better to do.

But hey, a man's gotta do what he can. And he will.

If you're wondering about my Steam profile, its: 'AlliesRandomizedGuy aka Mr.G' with a poorly drawn picture of Killer Que-wait, Duwang Queen, that's what I meant to say. If you're interested, befriend me!

I know, this seems like a great waste of time to be writing this, but would you rather play TF2 much more than writing fanfictions?

...

...

...wait. I still have a lot of fanfictions to be updated...

...welp, off to the unknown until the start of December!

Yep! I'm going to be off until December comes, which is going to be the day where I will never have to face school ever again!

And then some of you say, "But dude, even during school times, you neglected your other works."

I know, and you know why? School. It's as simple as that.

And you know what, see you later, and have a good screwing.