one

The moment Allen Walker stepped foot into the metal gates of the headquarters, he knew what his purpose was. It was something that was branded at the very back of his mind since the day he was born.

He's an exorcist.

It was something he never regrets being a part of; he met great people he can count on and people can call as friends, he encountered people who accepted him for the way he is, who trusted him and he trusted them. He felt happy. He had a family he can rely on, after all never had a true family.

But in a blink of an eye, everything was taken away from him.

All his happiness snatched away from, bringing him back to the hell he knew very well.

It felt horrible. Every single moment he opens his eyes and see the place he once called home, it felt like something is tugging in his insides, destroying him from inside out. He hated that sensation and sometimes he wishes that his eyes will just close forever so that he can rest and be comfortable in his sleep.

But sleep was never an option for him, every time he loses consciousness he can hear things he never wanted to hear, he can see memories that was never his to begin with and who knows the moment he loses his guard… they might take that as an opportunity to kill him. He hated himself for that… for being so distrusting to them. Why can't he trust these people the way he trusted them before?

Still, it was obvious that he won't betray his friends. He'll do everything to protect his precious and special friends. Even if it means sacrificing his happiness, sacrificing himself, faking smiles that sometimes his cheeks hurt from smiling too long. It may sound foolish to ignore himself for the sake of other people… but that's him. That's Allen Walker. Why would he lie to himself?

But then despite everything he ever did for the sake of his friends, they left him here. Slowly rotting and suffering in this miserable dungeon. The word 'friends' left a bad taste in his mouth. He ignored it though, he knows he's a Noah and of course he deserves to be here.

Thousands of thoughts crossed his mind, from his friends' safety to his own death. It was awfully lonely sitting in a cramped quite room by himself. He doesn't even know if it's day or night or what day it is. How long he's been confined in this place. Yet, he hoped that someone will let him out of here… bring him out of his misery. But a part of him knew, that he deserves every single of this misery.

He carefully touched the small cross at the side of his forehead, cringing at the immense pain that suddenly exploded in his head even at the small, gentle touch. "Khhh…" he sucked in his breath, teeth painfully clashing with each other. Blood dripped at the small cross in his forehead even up to his fingers, which is unnaturally a huge amount of blood for such a small wound. For a second there, time froze; he felt something clawing in his mind… something mundane. Wanting to take over him and change him. The memories of the 14th lingering at the back of his mind. For a while he felt that he wasn't human, hatred bubbling in his core. But he's human… isn't he?

The prison door creaked loudly as Link Howard walked inside his cell with a cup of water and a bowl of food. Link placed it neatly besides Allen, making sure that the young boy wouldn't be startled by his sudden presence. It has become quite a tradition now, bringing Allen food and just sitting silently beside him… well sometimes they talk a bit but Allen never asked about what is happening outside or the other exorcists. He usually just asks about the time, who will be interrogating him next or who's cooking the food and then after that the room will go silent again.

It was very unusual because Link knew that Allen was a pretty talkative person, if not at least he can break the ice when everything got awkward. Allen stared blankly at the food that is placed in front of him then with a soft snort he pushed it away with his hand and just drank the water. He then hurriedly turned away from Link making sure that he hid the bleeding stigma with his hand.

"Walker. The food is not poisoned, eat it." Link said sternly and if it wasn't for his blank face, he was pretty sure he sounded a little bit like he was almost begging Allen to eat the food. Allen shook his head in response, still not facing Link.

"You haven't eaten in three days. You are going to starve."

Link's sentence seems to make an impact to Allen since his response was a soft muffled sound. He didn't understand what it was but he sure wished that Allen will eat the damn food.

"Might as well starve." Allen mumbled "Pretty sure I'm going to die either way." He turned to face Link, his fingers laced on his hair to reveal one stigma bleeding at the side of his head. Link immediately stood up and took a step back "O-one stigma has already appeared?" he gasped and the only thing a got from Allen was blank stare as if he doesn't even care anymore.

Allen knew his fate very well; he can feel the burning sensation stinging at his forehead. He can hear thoughts that don't belong to him, unknown emotions mixing up inside of him. It was unavoidable that sooner or later he'll be turned into a Noah and he wouldn't be an exorcist anymore.

A small part of him wants to be dead by that time.

"It's getting really hard to stop the 14th… I'm not sure how long I'll last." Allen said those words with so much sadness dripping in his voice, his tone shaky and his eyes almost tearing up. He can't even distinguish if his tears were from the pain or from his emotions. Not that it matters anyways. "The future is imminent… I can't stop it, Link."

His tone was bitter as he held back the black bike spreading over his tongue like sweet honey.

Link gave him a look and all the emotions that have been welling up inside of him came out "Are you giving up on us, Walker?" his voice this time was louder almost if he was yelling at Allen. He ran to Allen and grabbed him by his collar "I've been with you for months; Walker and I know that you wouldn't be such a coward to fall for the Noah family. That is not the Allen Walker I know!"

"Maybe I'm not the Allen Walker you know anymore"

…What?

…W-what?
What did he just say? Those words slipped out of his mouth because it just felt so right to say. But why did he say such a thing? He never even thought he could say such words. Link lightened his grip on Allen's collar and he looked slightly taken aback by Allen's words, but he stayed silent.

"L-Link. I'm sorry… I really didn't mean to-" he was cut off when Link forcefully pushed him off the ground "So what?! You're really going to let the 14th possess you!? Do you want to bring everyone's lives in danger?" Link for quite a long time never felt this mad- disappointed for a very long time. Allen's expression softened, and tears suddenly fell from his eyes "…No… but I'm so tired, Link. I'm so tired. I can't keep this up forever." his fingers went up to wipe the tears from his eyes, ignoring the pain that flashed on his skin every time his hand touches his eyes.

Link let go of Allen with a grunt, he shook his head and left the room without even saying a word. The doors slammed loudly and angrily leaving a loud ringing in Allen's ears. Allen sniffled, and his stomach twisted as he suddenly felt jumpy… he stifled a laugh that suddenly erupted in his throat. There was nothing to laugh about and all he felt was…

Oh. It was cold; he never realized how cold the floor was until Link left the room. His heart suddenly started racing, why is there a sudden happiness filling him? Even though he was just crying a few seconds ago? He took a deep breath in to calm himself a little bit; he wiped the cold sweat that dripped from the side of his head. His head spun almost instantly and his whole body shook with sudden pain "…What?" Blood filled his mouth and he could feel the warm, metallic liquid down the side of his lips. His eyes frantically searched around the room and he tried to reach the metal door that was hindering him from asking for help.

He fell down the floor with a loud thud and he let out a loud groan as his body touched the floor painfully. A small bit of relief washed over him when the metal door opened, and Link stood up panting and covered in sweat "Walker! We need to run, there's a lot of akuma outside." He ran besides Allen to support the boy as he stood up from the ground. Allen nodded his head; he didn't even understand what Link just said. His mind couldn't process understanding words; all that he could think of was the pain that is erupting in every single part of his skin.

"Can you walk properly?" Link asked, looking over to the boy worriedly. Allen shook his head as his grip on Link's coat tightened "How many…?" Allen didn't get to finish his sentence because Allen started to cough violently, blood staining his hands as he covers up his mouth. Link cursed silently as he hurriedly walked with Allen's arm slung around his shoulders for support.

Allen bit his tongue as he tried to suppress making a noise when Link accidentally tightened his grip on Allen's sides. He didn't want to be such a bother and complain too much. He slowly took a step on the concrete stairs making sure that he and Link won't get unbalanced. Then before he could realize it a shadowed figure appeared in front of them.

Akuma.

Assuming from its murky purple colour and bat like figure it is a level two. His innocence wouldn't activate for some reason and his eyes didn't even react at the akuma in front of them. Link let go of Allen making Allen unable to walk as he tripped down the stairs, he quickly leaned to the wall for support.

Link immediately attacked the akuma with the retractable blades hidden under his sleeves; Allen flinched at the sudden impact on the ground when the level two akuma attacked Link with its huge claw like hands. He heard Link cursing loudly when the sharp blades almost hit his arms "Damn it! There is no time!"

"Link! Where's Allen?!"

Allen's blood ran cold and he swore his heart stopped beating for a moment. Lavi and Lenalee stood behind the akuma and almost instantly the akuma was turned into dust, judging from the scratches and bruises on their body; they just fought some akuma before they came here.

It took them a few seconds to get a good look on Allen and was surprised at their friend's state. Allen looked horrible, blood is smeared all over him… from his hair, to his face, down to his arms and his white clothing is stained with the crimson hue. Bags were under his eyes and it was easy to tell that he didn't get enough sleep. Lavi rushed to aid Allen and get out of this cramped dungeon but instead Link fell down the stairs—no something smacked him off the stairs. Link's head hit the wall and his figure slumped weakly on the ground, blood pooling down his head.

"Allen~ we're really sorry for coming this late."

Road Kamelot greeted with a wide smile across her face, Lenalee stood in front of Link and shielded him with her arms to prevent them from hurting Link more. Her stance serious and prepared for a fight, Road giggled and gestured her hands as if she is just joking "Ah. We don't really have time to play with you, exorcists. We just came here to fetch Allen."

Wait… we?

Allen turned his head and saw Tyki standing behind him and Lavi "Allen!" Lavi screamed when Tyki pierced his hands on Lavi's shoulders. Allen's stomach lurched at the sickening sound that filled his ears Tyki immediately pulled back his arm and kicked Lavi on his stomach, forcing the exorcist to fall on his knees and grunt in pain as Tyki stepped on his wounded shoulder.

It all happened so fast that Allen took a moment to understand what was happening. It was probably Tyki's speed or he's just too messed up to comprehend his surroundings "Lavi." He muttered as he tried to move to his fallen friend's position only to pathetically wobble and lean back on the wall.

"L-Lenalee… Fuck…" Lavi sucked a deep breath when the pressure on Tyki's shoes increased "Help Allen. I'll take care of Link." He struggled to stand up but Tyki kicked him back to ground. Road rolled her eyes at how foolish the exorcists are… Did they really think they have a chance at defeating two Noah apostles? They really are out of their minds. She summoned her candles and pointed them right directly at Lenalee's direction "Don't interfere with for a while, kay?" she smiled sweetly at Lenalee, making sure that the exorcist wouldn't try to move. After all, if this woman even tries to come between her and Allen, Lenalee would get a good stabbing.

She giggled silently under her breath and skipped down the stairs to hug her beloved Allen.

Allen felt warmth after a long time. Road's hug on him was light knowing that she might hurt Allen if she hugged him too tight, the scent of sweet candies filled his nose when Road pressed her head on Allen's neck. He didn't even realize that he unconsciously wrapped his arms around Road's body, familiarizing the warm feeling he sorely missed.

"Allen! Get away from her!" Lenalee screamed making Road snort in response. Allen didn't have it in him to push the petite girl away from him. Road whipped her head to Lenalee, her eyes fierce as she glared at the exorcist. Her candles inched closer to Lenalee pointing the sharp ends near Lenalee's neck "Don't piss me off, Lenalee." She snarled angrily then a smug smirk curled up her lips "Maybe the next thing you'll see is the cold floor under you."

"Road! Stop it. We're under strict orders not to meddle with other exorcists." Tyki sighed as he calmly pinned Lavi down the floor, the bookman still struggling to stand but it was obvious that the wound on his shoulder is making an impact on his movements. Even a small move from his torso makes the pain worse.

Allen's headache worsen, his head spun like crazy and everything he hears felt like stuffed cotton in his head. Then he vomited.

Blood came out of his mouth, there is nothing coming out of his stomach anymore… he hasn't eaten for three days after all. He was sure that he heard Lenalee and Lavi screaming his name but he can't reply or even make a single sound, his throat felt like burning despite the amount of liquid that came out of his mouth.

"It's time to leave. We can't stay here any longer; Allen's transformation has already started." Road blew Lenalee a kiss before summoning her door and jumping in. Tyki shook his head as if he is used to what is happening around him as he kicked Lavi hard on the stomach to immobilize him before he carried Allen and jumped in Road's door without looking back.

"L-Let me go!" Allen sputtered out as Tyki carried him out Road's door to the outside. The moon shone brightly if only there weren't hordes of akuma floating around the sky. Tyki ignored him and still carried Allen's in his arm "We're far from the exorcists now… I'm pretty sure they won't reach us here from all the akuma around." Tyki added as he helped Allen up to his foot and slung an arm around Allen's shoulder.

"We need to talk, boy." The tone on Tyki's voice changed as his eyes glints with pure seriousness that it made Allen flinch a bit. Road looked the same way, the smile on her face gone and her posture straight and not childish.

"They hurt you… don't they?" Road asked him quietly each word she speaks drips with venom, the glint in her eyes dangerous as she pointed at Allen's back filled with fresh crimson lines that oozes with a little bit of blood. Allen didn't want to answer. He didn't want to ruin the Order's name… yet, he still can't believe that the Black Order could do something like this. It reminded him of the third exorcist project which ended up in total failure.

Something so harsh and cruel.

Something fitting for a Noah like him.

He lowered his head in defeat even if he lie the answer is still obvious. The Noahs won't buy his lies anyways.

"Why did you help me?" he asked softly and filled with so many emotions. Why would they help him? He knew that the 14th was a traitor to their family. He knew that he was once their enemy. He's an exorcist… yet they—

"You're our family, Allen." Road answered simply and walked besides Tyki and wrapped her arms around her uncle "We can't just leave our family here with disgusting exorcists." She said these words so clearly that for a moment he felt his heart flutter. For a moment relief washed through his whole body.

"Seriously, Allen…. How long would it take to get that through your thick skull? Even the Earl is having trouble sleeping at night thinking about you." Tyki sighed casually. Allen ignored him and looked behind him, he could see smoke puffing up the sky and he could hear slight gunshots from the Headquarters.

Allen wanted to go back and helped his troubled allies from the akuma. But it was clear that he can't even manage to walk by himself let alone fight.

"I'm… I'm… I can't just leave them. I'm not like you. I'm an exorcist." He shook his head and tried to break free from Tyki's grip but Tyki seems to notice his attempt and tightened his grip around Tyki's shoulder.

"Listen to us, Allen." This time it was Road looking directly at him "Do you really want to stay here? Stay with the people who you once trusted but they betrayed you?" she was nearly yelling. Why can't Allen understand them? Why can't he see the dangers around exorcists? They left him to rot in a miserable dungeon for god's sake "We know we have done so many wrong things in your perspective but… I promise you everything we've done has a greater purpose. Please give us a chance!" Road was crying and for Tyki it was rare occasion. Road rarely cries and he only saw her cry a few times most of them was because of their family and nothing else.

Allen's expression softened and changed into confusion. He doesn't understand anything anymore. He took a deep breath in and raised his arm to wipe the tears off Road's cheeks "Hey… don't cry anymore. Don't cry for someone who doesn't deserve your tears." Allen's voice was hard and he never felt this sad for a long while. Not even when he was thrown into prison.

There's still hope. His friends might come and save him and they might find a way to stop his transformation.

"So... Allen, do you want to come with us or do you want to stay here and rot?" Tyki asked as he hushed Road to stop crying, patting the shorter girl on the back and hugging her tightly.

Allen looked around the woods, making sure that there'll be no one who'll hear what he's going to say. Then he answered quietly that only the two Noah would hear him "I'll come."

Road smiled a little bit and Tyki broke their hug gently with a goofy grin on his lips. Road's door appeared in front of them as they guided him to go inside the door not even once looking back.

Road wiped the blood off Allen's face gently, not waking up the tired boy who's fast asleep. She stares curiously at Allen's sleeping body, scanning every single detail, every single wound that marked Allen's skin. Her eyes reflected worry when she saw the whip marks at his back but she have to admit… it looked rather appealing.

Allen shifted uncomfortably on the bed, his breath shallow and his body twitched with every movement. Road reached to touch Allen's face—

"Hey, you might wake him up." Tyki muttered behind Road, hands full of bandages as he placed the bandages on the bedside table; handing one to Road. She puffed her cheeks and glared at Tyki "Jeez… don't scare me like that!" she gently brushed Allen's hair off his face and gasped when she saw a stigma marked at the side of his forehead.

"Tyki!" she grabbed her uncle's dark coat, pointing at the stigma on Allen's forehead. The older man's eyes widen as he ran closer to observe the small stigma "The Earl will be happy if he knew about this!" he exclaimed before rushing out to report to the Earl.

Road happily twirled as she hugged Allen not caring if she woke up Allen from her sudden action. The boy groaned in pain as he woke up, head still throbbing painfully he slowly scanned the room before sitting up and moving slightly away from Road. His vision was blurred but he recognized the Noah's figure in front of him "Eh- Road?! What are you doing?" he gasped.

Road shrugged and didn't break free from their hug, Allen noticed that there were less blood on his face and neck, he really appreciated that. The smell and feel of dried blood isn't that pleasing after all.

He coughed a little bit and felt blood trickling down his lips "Allen! You shouldn't force yourself too much." She grabbed the handkerchief that is placed neatly on the bedside table then wiped the side of Allen's lips. Road's gentle action surprised him, he smiled happily at Road "Thank you." He said and it was noticeable at how Road's already ashen skin flushed at his comment.

He didn't mind being with the Noah. He tried to get sit up but it was no use; his body feels too heavy and painful to move. He grunts and went back to his previous position, his left arm doesn't even budge but it stings slightly probably a reaction to the Noah who is sitting beside him. He carefully touched his forehead and as expected pain flared even at the faintest touch.

Road noticed Allen's futile attempt of moving his left arm and frowned "Maybe we should cut it off?" she suggested with a neutral expression on her face. Allen realized that the Noah looked serious and like instinct he covered his left arm protectively "W-What? No way!" he shook his head rapidly while scooting a little bit away from Road.

"I'm just joking! We won't force you do anything like that, it'll be your decision." Road laughed and Allen let out a sigh of relief but didn't reply at Road's sentence. When it was finally silent, Road wrapped her fingers around Allen's hand and squeezed it tightly. It might be that she wants to comfort Allen.

She knew Allen needed a moment of silence because the way he looks longingly at the ceiling shows that he is still reflecting.

For what seems like forever Allen realized that he's been such a fool making a foolish decision. Why would God force this path upon him? Making him choose between two sides of the war and none of them is right. There is no good and evil in war… it's just two evil fighting against each other.

It hurts that he's in the middle of the two sides. An existence that shouldn't be even here in the first place. He's torn between choosing from his past and his present.

He's useless. Foolish. Pathetic.

He promised Mana that he'll be someone who is worthy.

And he already broke it. He betrayed Mana. He's useless. He can't even fulfil his only purpose.

Useless.

And it hurts.

Everything around him hurts.

It hurts. HURTS. HURTS. HURTS. HURTS. HURTSHURTSHURSTHURTS-

HURTS.

IT HURTS.

"Allen! What are you doing? Allen! STOP!" Road yelled panicking, her words snapped Allen back to the reality he hated so much. Her eyes were glimmering with tears and Allen blinked for a few seconds before he realized what he was doing.

He was scratching his head too much that his forehead is filled with deep scratches that stained his fingernails red. A few strands of his snow hair scattered on his face and hands.

He blinks again and inhaled sharply when the pain filled his senses, he turned around to face Road his eyes misty from tears "R-Road… it hurts… it's so painful. I-I want it to stop, Road. It won't stop and I'm so tired of it. I-I can't… I can't take it anymore…" He trailed off.

"… I'm scared…"

He repeated these words like a mantra, Road looked at his beloved family being tormented by his memories. Allen was never like this. Allen used to be strong … it was always the exorcists ruining her family.

They never stop tormenting and destroying their relationship. The Noah family was never happy because of exorcists and innocence.

Those disgusting and selfish humans always in the way of their happiness. She can't wait to destroy them.

Anger boiled inside her and her fingers shook uncontrollably "Allen, let's sleep… you'll be fine." She whispered gently and hugged the boy beside her. Allen shook his head "No… It hurts…I'm scared." He wrapped his arms tightly around Road. She smiles again and kissed his forehead "Goodnight… brother…"

Just like always, Allen felt darkness overcome him.

END

Author's Note

Hello! For those who read this fanfiction for the first time this is a rewrite of the old "Silver Lining" I am currently hoping to change the plot a little and make it longer than it was before. This rewrite is something I've worked on for quite a while (including a few chapters in advance) because I got pretty annoyed of my old writing style. For those who read the old version… Welcome back! The first few chapters might be familiar to you guys but I made slight changes so that it wouldn't bore you guys. Thank you for all the support that has been given to this story and I hope to finish this story with the same excitement I felt when writing this story. Updates will either Sunday or Saturday (I decided to make updates once a week so that I wouldn't rush chapters and that I would have much time to write decent chapters)

Thank you again for supporting me.

With love,

Noodle

PS: The author gets more motivation when people review her story (So please review) Reviews and follows really mean a lot and it might even make her update twice a week. So please Review. Please.

Next Chapter:

-Allen's decision in becoming a Noah.

-Road's anger management.

-The Earl is actually a sweet old man.