Winds really could get intense up here but the good news about that was that very few people came up here for that very reason. Good. Solitude was definitely something that was deeply desired right now. The only sound that echoed through the landscape was the sound of nearby flowing water, the occasional bird-like creature and trees rustling in the breeze. Good. No people.

Funny, wasn't it? The social butterfly turtle wanting to get as far away from people as he could. Yet, that was where Mikey found himself right now. Overlooking the Battle Nexus, with only the mountains and wind as his companions. Being this far away, he could faintly hear the celebrations from the ceremonies of the new Battle Nexus Champion. It had been three years since his rematch so it was due for another cycle.

As before, his whole family had entered. Well, all but Sensei who insisted that he would prefer to watch. Needless to say, everyone was thrilled to see the return of their current champion. God, it felt so GOOD when people shouted his praises, when they complimented his skills, when they held HIM in awe! Mikey had been thrilled by the prospect and it still was something he deeply enjoyed. His last visit here had ended with a wonderful victory and man, the things they had faced since then...fighting a dragon Shredder, going to the future, facing off against an evil clone of himself, the Viral Shredder...he certainly felt he had grown a lot since then!

Not enough apparently.

As of today, his title changed from Battle Nexus Champion to Former Battle Nexus Champion. According to the Daimyo, there was no shame in such a title as it still carried great honor with it. Master Splinter was a Former Battle Nexus Champion and Master Yoshi had been as well. The Hall of Champions would forever hold his statue and he was well known as a formidable opponent!

Didn't make the sting any less. Raphael's gloating of "yes" made it cut deeper and Master Splinter's backhanded compliment of how his training had served him well but could have served him better added salt to the wound. Donnie had smiled, offered his congratulations but then mentioned "Being Champion for three years isn't bad, Mikey. And didn't you tell me once you didn't need to train because you were "The Champion?" He and Raph had enjoyed a small laugh at his distress.

Only Leo had remained silent and he'd felt Leo's eyes on him when he'd finally turned and exited the building, leaving his family to the celebrations.

He'd come in second. He'd beat Raphael, again. He'd beaten Donnie. And in a feat that he still did not understand, he had beat Usagi, whom had bested Leonardo. Oh, he had been utterly dumbfounded to see Usagi disappear from the arena. Before, he had been fortunate enough to not face his eldest brother but now, he had faced and beaten the only swordsman who could call Leo his equal. Forgive him for being utterly giddy at himself!

It has come down to him and an alien race they had not faced before. Didn't catch the name but he'd towered over Mikey but that had not stopped him from defeating Kluh so he had simply buckled down and poured his whole body and spirit into that fight! His family was watching after all! With all the teasing they gave him about this title, he was going to defend his right to it! He had to! HAD TO!

He hadn't.

He'd lost to the Current Battle Nexus Champion after a long battle that left both of them dripping in sweat, bruised and weary beyond measure. He hadn't measured the length of the battle but according to Gyoji, it had nearly hit a half hour, enough that they had nearly interrupted it for a break for both contestants. Finally, both of them had ended up on the ground but Mikey's opponent had a wee bit more endurance and stood up first before giving him a half hearted kick onto the floor. It had been deemed enough to eliminate him.

Hence, here he was, sitting in the same place he had been three years ago when Leo in Angry-Raph-Twin-Mode had given him his encouragement for his rematch. He'd won that time and Leo's words had rung through his heart like a bell. Leo's words "You did good, Mikey" had easily been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him, at least in that moment! Master Splinter has said he did well and Donnie and Raphael had groaned over "we're never gonna hear the end of this!"

Well, Fate seemed content to turn the tide and now, he was fairly sure that he'd never hear the end of "Mister FORMER Battle Nexus Champion." Looked like his bragging days were over. "Finally!" As Raph had reminded him no less than five times.

He supposed he should have expected it. After all, everything good eventually ended, didn't it?

A change in the atmosphere, a smell, a shift of energy caught his attention "Hey Leo," he intoned simply. Very few could catch his brother when he was in stealth mode but Mikey had grown up with him. You learned.

A moment later, his eldest brother flopped down next to him, eyeing him critically "Mikey, you okay?" His tone was heavy with worry and concern, a tone he had grown so accustomed to that he sometimes forgot how Leo sounded when he wasn't paranoid. They'd been hearing more of that lately though and it was something he was glad to getting used to again.

"I'm fine, bro." Mikey waved him off but he could tell immediately that his sibling was not buying it. Leo was not necessarily easy to read but having grown up with him, he knew his brother's small seemingly insignificant motions—the way he wrinkled his face slightly, the way his weight shifted more to his left side, the way he centered you with his eyes. "Seriously, Leo, I'm cool!"

"No, you're not." The leader calmly countered. "A "cool Michelangelo" would have been snatching the best treats off the table and playing the party clown. So don't insult me by lying to me." Leonardo's face, collected and firm, left no room for argument.

Heaving a loud sigh, Michelangelo caved though just slightly. He could be stubborn like Leo too! "Well, yeah, I'm disappointed Dude! I mean, Former Champion just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?"

Smiling a bit with encouragement, Leonardo replied "No less honorable though!" He felt inclined to remind him "Former Champions are treated as grand guests as well!" No lie in that statement. People all around the Nexus never failed to greet Master Splinter as one would a war hero and now his youngest brother shared in that status.

He tried to be relieved that this may cut down on his brother's bragging behavior but something else was gnawing at his instincts and Mikey was being quite obstinate about revealing it! If this was how his family felt when he'd been in his "Angry Wolverine" phase as Mikey liked to call it, then he was truly sorry. Something else was lingering under the surface of Mikey's behavior and Leo intended to dig it out. "Mikey, you didn't disappoint us, you know. You fought well!"

"Wasn't enough," Mikey forced the laugh from his throat like bitter poison. "If I'd have faced this guy instead of Kluh, you—"

"You wouldn't and you didn't." Crossing his arms, Leo stood, taking on his odd mix of paternal and fraternal expression "That doesn't have any bearing on this match, Mikey. You lost this match because you literally couldn't stand anymore!" He allowed a smile "I'd say that qualifies for some admiration."

While he did allow himself to smile, Michelangelo wasn't feeling his brother's words. Not down to his core in any event. Still, as he often did, he gave his leader a smirk and stood with a "You're gonna feed my ego, Leo!"

"Ah, Shell, please no," the gruff voice behind them stated on approach. "C'mon Leo, we mighta finally shut him up and you're gonna throw fuel on the fire?"

Raphael and Donnie made their way forward from the mountain pass, with Donnie inquiring "Have you recovered, Mister Former Champion?" The light tease in his brother's eyes was loving nonetheless and counteracted the sting of those words some as Raph choked out a chuckle.

"Recovered? He's gonna be moping for a month. I dunno which was worse!" Despite the harsh words though, his sibling felt inclined to add "Ya did good though, Mikey. Man, I almost thought you had it!"

Smiling a bit, Mikey responded "Almost." It sounded horrible even from his tongue. He was probably looking way too much into this. Just...deal with it, he coached himself. It's over and done and there's nothing you can do about it.

"Don't sweat it, Mikey," Donnie offered "I mean, it's just a competition. You still -were-a Champion." He commented "Not that you'd ever let us forget it..."

Raphael added, unable to help it "Were. Past tense. So no more of that annoying as shell Battle-Nexus-Champion stuff!" He cracked his knuckles "Much as I like an excuse to slap you upside the head." He ignored Leonardo's glare; he'd grown immune over the years.

Michelangelo pushed his brother on the shoulder and started the walk towards the mountain path though he let his siblings pull ahead of him. Once the initiation of heading down had been begun, he was content to slip near the back.

Donnie remarked as they headed down, pushing some branches aside, "Since when have you ever needed an excuse, Raph?"

"Touché."

Mikey heard none of that. He stopped, staring numbly ahead. His brothers' comments were ringing smartly in his ears. 'Just a competition...'

"It's not just a competition," He finally declared.

His three siblings turned to look at him, caught off guard a bit. "Huh?" Donnie inquired.

"It's not...just a competition, bros." He attempted to clarify again. Why? Why was he doing this? It was so much easier to just go with the flow, head back down, maybe catch the tail end if the feast..,"It's not just a competition!" He shouted

Raphael scoffed "Look Mikey. Ya lost, plain and simple. Ain't the end of the world, for shell's sake." He folded his arms "Sorry you found out you're not as awesome as you think—

"Raph!" Leo's tone was sharp, sharper than he'd intended if he was to be frank. "Really?" Leo was hardly an expert at reading emotions, much to his dismay—that was Mikey's department—but even he could feel something heavy in the air. Mikey's tone, his posture, his words, something was deeper than it appeared. It could have been an energy or a spiritual disconnect that was shouting at Leonardo but he felt it much more probable that the elder brother in him simply had good insight.

Raph wasn't helping.

"Yeah, really." Raph countered immediately. "Sorry I ain't going the babying route, Fearless!" He narrowed his eyes and Leo responded in kind.

"Aaaand here we go again," the genius turtle murmured, shaking his head. Donnie, wisely, opted not to get involved. He was in the middle anyway. While he was not going to admit that he was sad over his brother's defeat...well, EVERYONE, even Splinter, had been wanting Mikey to get some karma back for his arrogance. You'd have thought after his match with Kluh, it would have faded but no such luck! So, it had been a bit satisfying to see that ego deflate a little.

It wasn't supposed to look like this though. Mikey was quiet and that's what tipped Donnie off. Even when disappointed, embarrassed, frustrated, Mikey was in-your-face energetic!

His youngest brother should have been heading to Leo's side, relishing in someone having his back. He should have been firing back insults at Raph. He should have been half draped over Leo's shoulder like an odd green monkey.

Instead, he was silent, stock still(who knew Mikey could BE that still) head down.

"Mikey?"

If his brother heard him, he was ignoring him.

Which was even more unnerving.

As for the two resident debaters...

"—understandable he'd be upset Raph!"

"Yeah, upset he can't rub it in our faces anymore!"

"Raph, okay, so he went a little overboard—"

"A little?! He practically married that trophy-"

"BECAUSE IT MEANT I WAS WORTH SOMETHING!"

That shout sent everyone into utter and complete silence. Raph and Leo ceased their yelling and Donnie jerked so fast it was a wonder he didn't get whiplash. All three of them turning to the source of the shout, their youngest sibling, standing rigid and still, fists clenched and trembling.

"W-what?" Donnie found his voice first. "What the shell do you mean it meant you were "worth something?!" Donnie rarely raised his voice but it was raising now. Unconsciously. He approached and took his younger brother's arm in a vice-like grip. "What do you mean?!"

Mikey finally looked up at them. Much as he wanted to just pretend this conversation never happened, much as he wanted to take back that outburst, it was done. He knew his siblings well enough to know that with something like that out in the open, they would be like little leeches. No getting out of it so just own it.

"Exactly what I said. It meant I was worth something. That I could do something right." He yanked away from Donnie's grip and fired at him "You think I don't know the complete zilch I contribute to this team? Think I don't see what little good I'm worth compared with all you?!" Don't cry, he scolded himself. Don't get emotional, this never ends— "Hard NOT to see it!"

His mouth really needed to start listening to his brain. Why was he doing this? He was the funny one, he was the one that kept everyone else from falling into deep depression. His job was to keep them smiling, no matter what. So, why was he failing so horribly right now? Why did just looking at Donnie and Raph send horrible memories shooting up his spine? Why couldn't he let go of this? It was an award, a position but it was silly for him to connect so much importance to it. It was silly. It was-

"I'm not strong like Raph, I'm not calm-cool-collected Master Ninja like Leo and your smarts make me look like some kind of vegetable Donnie." He paced, begging his heart to shut up or his mouth to go numb or something but it was like a wound had been cut open. It was bleeding profusely and didn't look to be stopping. As much as he tried to tell himself that this was silly, that he as overreacting, that he shouldn't have attached so much importance to such a simple competition, his heart had other plans and right now, it was tired of keeping that pain inside and erupted outward with that inner spiritual ache he tried so hard to cover up. "Know what it's like with three brothers with those kinds of skills hovering over you when you grow up?" Mikey didn't wait for a response though judging by their dropped jaws, they would have been unable to give one anyway. "I lost count of how many times I got told "why can't you be more like Leo or Donnie? Heck, few times I needed to show more "passion" like Raph does. So...yeah, the Battle Nexus is stupid. I KNOW that." Lord did he know that. He had known it for a long time. "You think I don't know that first time was pure chance? I'm not an idiot!"

Idiot...how many times had he heard that word? How many times had he been called that, directly or indirectly? Did he believe it? Maybe a bit, more than he liked to believe it but on this, he hadn't been fooling anyone, least of all himself.

"You think I don't know if Leo had been well I'd have gotten my tail kicked?" He stopped his rapid pacing and locked eyes with his brothers. Theirs were wide and nearly frightened but Mikey's reflected only repressed inner torment finally bubbling to the surface now that it had started coming out, it was like a punch that was thrown. The energy was being unleashed and until it was done, it would not stop. "Or that if Master Splinter hadn't withdrawn?" A few tears threatened to spill down his face and his voice caught, "And I _KNOW_ if the stupid arena hadn't been messed with, I woulda lost to Kluh before my courage kicked in. I'm not an idiot!"

"Mikey." Donnie finally found his voice and that soothing reassurance spilled out like water. "We know you're not an idiot."

"No...just a lazy poor ninja right?" He snapped in response. Why was he getting angry? He'd grown accustomed to this thought about himself so why was it bothering him now? "Just a loud annoyance that slows you down right?" He really needed to stop yelling. Why was he yelling? C'mon mouth, turn off, turn off!

"Mikey!" It was Raph that time and despite the gruff presence that was forever in his tone, there was concern there. Deep rooted concern echoed in his voice and his strong baritone wavered a bit. He had never seen his youngest brother like this. Not ever. Mikey had always been their little bubble of optimism, of joking and if anyone was going to make fun of him, the orange banded turtle usually was best at making fun of himself.

What was this tearful, broken-hearted doubt-filled creature that looked like his little brother?

"Mikey," Raph repeated "I mean...yeah, you can be annoying but that's a little brother's job, right? I mean, heck, even Donnie here gets on my nerves sometimes." He jerked his thumb towards the purple banded turtle and under any other circumstances, Donnie would have sent him a lethal glare but right now, he went along with it. "And ya ain't an idiot."

"No," Mikey fired back. "No, I'm just someone that can't be trusted to come up with any good plans so why ask right? I'm just the one that you just need to figure out the place to shove him so that I don't cause too much damage, right?"

Leo finally spoke out, "Michelangelo, how long have you been keeping this to yourself?" His tone was firm and stern but not unkind. If anything, he looked completely lost. It was a horrible look to see on his face and guilt tore through Mikey's heart. The looks on Raph and Donnie's faces had been hard to take but Leonardo's positively killed him. There was a deepness to his eldest brother's eyes that just sucked you in and there was a vulnerability there that he made it his job to keep at bay but now, Mikey felt he had failed at that.

Just like he failed at most things.

"Doesn't do you Dudes any good to listen to me whine about what can't be changed, does it?" He countered his brother's question without directly addressing the inquiry. "So, I've just gotten used to it." He shrugged "I know I'm not gonna ever match Donnie in smarts or Raph in strength or you, Leo in ninja-ing so I figure if I can keep you all from going all emo on me, then that's good enough." He pulled from Leo's look, remarking "Sometimes all of you fall into that depressive mode so it's my job to keep that from happening. You guys are no fun like that. So, if I can make you laugh and smile, good. And if I do that by being an emotional punching bag, fine." He folded his arms, "Like I said, I've gotten used to it."

Donnie countered "That's not okay, Mikey! I mean, I wouldn't tease you like that if I knew it bugged you but you-"

"You always insult yourself first!" Raph countered. "And now you're standing here and telling us that it bugs ya but that's okay? Make up your damn mind, Mikey!"

"Raph!" Leo snapped but Mikey responded first.

"I tol' ya that it's fine, Raph!" he spat. "I'm used to it! That's my lot I guess," He laughed but it wasn't his usual laugh. There was no humor to it and even when he laughed, tears fell down his face. "I'm never gonna be good enough to match any of you. Even Sensei thinks so..."

"Now you can stop right there!" Donnie snapped, stepping forward. "We don't think that and neither does Sensei-"

"Bull." Mikey snapped back like a serpent. "He does! You all do!"

Leo stepped forward again and took his sibling in a firm grip, "Michelangelo, I don't know where you got it in your head that there's something wrong with you because there's not. You won't match us because you're Michelangelo. Just like we won't match you because we AREN'T you!"

"Thank God for that, right?" He countered and pulled from the grip, stepping to the side "Look, can we just forget this? I got all mad over something stupid. The Battle Nexus is stupid and I shouldn't have said it wasn't..."

Raph reached forward and pulled his brother back, a bit roughly, clamping both hands on his shoulders and shaking him, though lightly "Oh, shell no. We ain't doing that shit." His tone betrayed his deep concern and despite the harshness of his words, there was deep worry in his eyes, "What is it about this title, this Battle Nexus thing that makes you think you're worth something? What is it that the stupid tournament does that all your other talents don't do, huh?" There was desperation in his eyes that his family routinely did not see. "And don't you fucking say you don't have other skills, Mikey! Who's the fastest of us? Who's the most agile? Who's the one who comes up with the most off-the-wall creative ideas, huh?"

"That you don't listen to." Mikey countered. "How many times have ANY of you taken anything I've said in battle seriously? One time? And with a whole lot of incredulous looks at that." He cocked a brow at his brother's surprised look. "Oh, look, Mikey can use big words too." Groaning openly, he griped, head drooped "Look, I dunno what brought this on but can we just forget it, please? You're right, I lost, big deal..."

Donnie walked over and lay a hand on his sibling's shoulder "Well, obviously, to you it's a major deal." He bit his lower lip "Mikey, you said it made you feel like you were worth something. I...you should have felt like that anyway. We need to address this and I know you know it." He eyed him gently "That's why you're shifting between being sad and angry. You do that when you're trying to hide what you think about something-jumping between emotions."

It was something that normally people would dismiss as simply Mikey being hyperactive but his siblings had grown up with him and while Mikey did usually have multiple emotions, if he shifted between polar opposite ones, such as anger and sadness, it meant he was trying to hide something. Donnie found himself looking over the past, the times when Mikey had been calling attention to his victory and...yes, he saw it now that he thought about it. It was subtle but the shift in his eyes should have been obvious. The emotional change. How had they missed that? How had HE missed it?

Raph added as he crossed his arms, "Ya think we don't know that about you now? When Mikey shifts between emotions faster than he flips through commericals, it's because he's trying to cover something damn important." His sharp eyes softened a bit, "Something he shouldn't be."

Cursing his brothers' ability to read him so well as well as the spinning wheels he practically saw in Donnie's eyes, Michelangelo snarled, "Look, I just don't see the point. I've kept this to myself for a long time and-"

"And that's why it's coming out now." Leonardo stated simply. "You suppress anything long enough and eventually it snaps."

Groaning out loud, Michelangelo struck out emotionally, "This is why I came up here! To work through these stupid emotions without drawing you guys into it. I'm being a whiny sore loser, that's all there is to it." He backed p and said "Case closed, book over. Can we please head back down now? We're done. This is done, okay?"

"It's not." Leonardo remarked simply. "You know it and now, so do we. Can you be frank with us, Michelangelo?" He addressed his brother with an elder brother tone as opposed to his "leader" inflection. "The title of Champion obviously carries more weight for you than we knew. You said it made you feel worth something and the way you're talking now...you're totally dismissing anything important you've done as not counting..." Leonardo knew they hadn't helped with their teasing but still, to hear his sibling dismiss all his skills as not being important because they hadn't been utilized...it was haunting.

"Disqualifying the positive." Donatello said softly. "Common thought distortion." He added "And the bragging..."

Raph in particular eyed their genius brother "Somethin' else we shoulda noticed?"

Mikey chimed in before Donnie could answer "Ya did. I'm annoying with that, remember? But it's gotta stop now because I don't have that title anymore and-"

"People with low self esteem will brag and draw attention to themselves because it's the only way they feel they get recognition." Donatello admitted softly, not allowing his youngest brother a chance to divert the topic. He locked eyes with his sibling "We do know we were proud of you for that, Mikey." He was feeling like a broken record but given how they had dismissed it before, it was vital he made it clear they were proud and always had been.

Michelangelo's eyes darkened.

"No you weren't." Mikey's voice broke. It finally broke. "You were surprised. You never thought I would be able to do it. It was dumb luck, emphasis on the dumb part." He shifted his tone and Raphael winced, clearly recognizing the slur he had thrown at Mikey several times. "I should have lost. You thought it, Raphael thought it, Leo thought it. Sensei thought it." He jerked away from Donnie, stepping backward "You made that real clear."

"hey!" Raph cut in, "I mean, yeah, it kinda took us by surprise but.."

"I'm supposed to be the goof off, right?" Michelangelo challenged. "The one that gets into trouble. The one that can't think his way out of a paper bag." He froze there, bit down his emotions though it really was for naught. They were flowing, free as water right now. "You know how much it hurts to hear that from your family?" He managed to get out "With you guys, I expect it. It's a brother-thing. But..." He shook his head and his vision went blurry with tears "Father told me that. Told me that thinking was a "whole new world for me." You know how much that stung?!" He caught surprise in Leonardo's eyes a moment but by now, he was on a roll "I thought when I won the Battle Nexus Tournament, it meant I'd finally get respect from Sensei. That he might finally see that I was just as good...that there was ONE THING I outdid you guys at!"

Everyone had gone quiet.

"I thought if I got Sensei's respect that I might get you guys'." He was nearly sobbing now as much as he fought it. "I didn't though. It didn't change anything. So...I guess, the bragging was...I dunno. I guess I wanted to hear the praise from...someone." He bit his lower lip and dropped his head. "I wanted...needed to hear it. To hear I'd done somethin' right. That I was...capable of something. That's what that title means, okay? It means that I have something to offer, that I'm...that I have worth. I...I know it's a lie. I know that all the circumstances in the world went right for me not once but twice." Shuddering openly, he wanted to disappear, just fade into the earth. "I shoulda lost the second match, the rematch. By all the stupid rules, I should of lost but I didn't. So I _know_ it's a lie. It's a big fat, lie. But...it lets me pretend. I just wanna pretend to be worth something..." He clutched his fists tightly "It let me pretend..."

The way his brothers were looking at him. He didn't like those looks and yet when Donnie and Raph walked forward, arms out, he pushed them away. "Don't. Just don't." He couldn't take this. He just wanted them to go away. Stop looking so sad and stop looking so broken and just go away. Just leave him alone. Let him mourn his stupid little façade and then everything could go back to normal.

When Leonardo approached, gently cupped his brother's face and forced him to look at him, he spoke simply, "If one of us goes down, we all go down." It had become Leo's little mantra, the reminder that they were a team and a team was interdependent. For the youngest ninja though, it was something else, something far more important. Mikey broke. He sobbed, openly and buried his face into his brother's plastron. Leo just wrapped his arms around his brother and in a less than graceful move, they slid to the hard ground, Leonardo nearly ending up on his back.

There was dead silence a long time, with only the whispering of the wind. Donnie and Raphael had attempted to approach after a moment but Mikey just told them "Don't, don't, don't. You didn't care before." It was a harsh statement and he knew it but right now, all he could think about was that moment, that single moment when he had been told that his title was in question, when he had been told he would have to defend it.

They'd laughed at him. They'd teased him. All of them, even Sensei. Laughed at his distress, at his despair.

Well, not all of them...

"You didn't push me away, Mikey." Leo's gentle observation fell without judgment. Donnie and Raph had withdrawn at Mikey's request, though the leader could tell how much it was killing them. How much they wanted to rush their brother, beg forgiveness, try and fix what they had not even realized what broken but now was not the time. All their attempts to approach only seemed to make it worse so they stayed back.

So, Leo sat on the cold ground, a sobbing Mikey pulled tight into his side.

After a moment, Mikey seemed to gather his breath and looked up at his sibling with watery blue eyes, eyes that were full of pain and anguish but glittered at him with so much admiration.

"You're the only one that didn't abandon me when I needed you most."

You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to make that connection. The re-match. That simple moment, when the leader had opted not to follow his Father's lead for 'tough love's' sake but to instead offer his help. Out of the corner of his eye, Leo saw Donnie crumble and Raph fold, sliding to the ground, guilt etched on their features. He could feel Donnie going through the "how did we not see it" angle and Raph's inner rage at himself was boiling to the surface but they stayed silent.

Setting his own eyes on his youngest brother's, Leo whispered gently, laying his head on his sibling's forehead "And I have no intention on starting now."