Author's Note: Hey-ho! Well, I wasn't planning on unveiling this until it was ready (or until I finished I Love Lincoln, at least), but in the spirit of All Hallows' Eve, here's a little preview of a horror fic I'm cooking up!
(For maximum effect, try envisioning the scenes, as described below in parentheses, in a "grindhouse" style, while reading the narrator's lines, in bold, in your best "epic" voice.)
I'm Captain Dodge – thank you, and Happy Halloween!
(…)
PREVUE OF COMING ATTRACTIONS
(Film rating appears.)
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING TRAILER IS RATED "R" FOR RADICAL.
(We get a view of small-town Royal Woods, Michigan. It's a bright, sunny day – children are laughing and playing.)
April Fools' Day…
A time… to laugh.
(Close-up on a child laughing.)
A time… to joke.
(Medium shot of children laughing together.)
A time… to play.
(Long shot of children playing.)
A time…
…to die.
(As children play in the distance, a shadowy figure appears in the foreground. Cut to nighttime at the Loud house. Luan is in the backyard, looking at the house. Pan-tilt to Lana's axe, lodged in its chopping stump. A gloved hand pulls it out.)
This April Fools' Day… writer and director Adam Dodge brings you a new name for terror…
(Pan-tilt back to Luan, who turns around, surprised. The axe is raised. Medium close-up on Luan screaming. The axe chops downwards, cutting the screaming short. Smash cut to black as violins are heard a la Psycho, while the title appears in a "drip down" effect, dripping with blood.)
THE AXEMAN COMETH
(Establishing shot of the Loud house. We then see the family gathered around the dinner table.)
Meet the Loud family…
The parents, Rita and Lynn, Sr.…
(Medium shot of the two. Cut to Lincoln at the other end of the table.)
...Their only son, Lincoln…
(Camera zooms out to view all the Loud girls.)
…and his ten sisters…
(The Loud girls' faces flash by the screen rapidly. After the last flash, a shot of the exterior of the house. The Axeman appears, back to the camera, holding a bloody axe.)
Little do they know… that tonight… an unexpected guest has arrived…
(Cut to interior, the kitchen. Pan-tilt to the knife drawer, which the Axeman opens and retrieves a large chef's knife from.)
And it may be April Fools' Day…
(Cut to the Louds, still at the dinner table, talking and laughing. Suddenly, they turn to the kitchen and gasp. Starting from his feet and tilting upwards, we are introduced to the Axeman proper. He is a large, burly man clothed all in black, except for his white skull mask.)
...but this killer… is no joke!
(The Louds scream, get up, and start running. The Axeman jumps up on the table. Lynn turns around, quick dramatic zoom on her shocked face. Quick dramatic zoom on the Axeman as he swings his axe. Blood splatters on the wall as screaming is heard. The Axeman swings his axe again. Blood splatter, more screaming. Cut to Lola, bent backwards over the footboard of a bed. The Axeman raises his axe, and as Lola screams, the axe is brought down. Blood splatter, screaming.)
So…
(Cut to Lincoln locking a bedroom door and backing away to his cowering family.)
Lock… your doors…
(The Axeman begins chopping down the door, and the Louds scream. Close-up on the Axeman peering in through the hole in the door, a la The Shining. Film scratch covers cut to Mrs. Loud being pinned down by the Axeman, wielding a chef's knife. Zoom in on Mrs. Loud's face, then the Axeman's knife.)
Close… your eyes…
(Close-up on Mrs. Loud's eye, which she shuts while she screams. Close-up on the knife, which is stabbed downwards, then comes back into frame bloody, with an eyeball speared on the blade. Film scratch conceals cut to the Axeman, standing over Lily's crib.)
And hide… your children…
(Zoom in on Lily in her crib, cooing and gurgling, oblivious to the danger. The Axeman raises his axe. Quick dramatic zoom on Mr. Loud reaching and yelling "NOOOOOO!" as the Axeman brings the axe down. Blood splatter on a nearby teddy bear, as Lily screams.)
Because…
(Cut to the Axeman holding a struggling Luna by the neck in front of a fire. Shot from inside the fireplace, at a canted angle, as the Axeman tries to push her in.)
The Axeman…
(Cut to Lincoln, covered in blood, standing on the roof of the Loud house, wielding a baseball bat. He turns to face the camera. Lucy is kneeling down behind him, looking vulnerable.)
…is coming…
(Canted shot of the Axeman's boot coming down in the foreground, showing that he is across the roof from Lincoln. Zoom in on the Axeman, brandishing his axe.)
…FOR YOU!
(Quick dramatic zoom on Lincoln, then the Axeman, shouting their war cries, before rushing at each other. Just as they clash, smash cut to the Axeman walking down the dark street, away from the camera, holding his axe and a severed head, dripping blood. Title drips down, covered in blood.)
THE AXEMAN COMETH…
...to a theater near you, this July.