Finally got around to finishing this chapter. Will have lots of time left as Uni doesn't start for like a month, so yeah. In future chapters, I'm gonna be skipping rules. so next chapter may be rule 73 or something idk. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! The next chapter will have one of your suggestions implemented! Onwards to the show!
Rule 3: Food Fights are not to occur when I am not present. If I am, I get first dibs on the pies.
"And this is our…'mess hall'" I said to Lucina, pointing towards the area where everyone was eating.
"Thank you Akimo" Lucina replied as she tried to spy anyone she might have known in the mess hall.
"If you need anything just come to my office and ask either me or Cordelia, depending on who is there" I told her, walking to the direction of said office.
"Wait, Lady Cordelia is here?" Lucina calls out to me, head tilted questioningly. If this was an anime, I imagined that there would also be a question mark on top of her head.
"Yeah. I think she's over there, eating her lunch with Selena and Lyn." I pointed towards the far left of the mess hall, where 2 redheaded girls were laughing along with a green haired one.
Lucina nods and walks towards the group, hoping to find Cordelia. She was in for a shock when she arrived however.
"Severa!? You're here too!?"
Selena (Or Severa as Lucina had called her) looked up towards the voice. Eyes growing wide, she squealed.
"LUCY! YOU'RE FINALLY HERE! Well, the original version I mean…BUT YOU'RE HERE!"
Severa, as the whole room now knew her as, ran towards Lucina and smothered her with hugs. Lucina giddily returned the hug, as Cordelia and Lyn looked at them grinning.
"Is Father here? And what was that about original version..?" Lucina finally asked, as she felt Severa relent.
"Nothing! Oh! Yeah, he is. Probably with Robin or something."
"R-R-Robin's here too?" Lucina stuttered, suddenly turning beet-red.
Severa looked at her, an eyebrow raised.
"You alright there Lucy? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you have a massive crush on him"
Lucina turned a deeper shade of red.
"Tharja's not going to like this" Lyn whispered to Cordelia, who only sighed and nodded.
"What was that about me?"
A creepy voice came out of nowhere, which caused Lyn to jump. Cordelia however seemed unfazed.
"You get used to it," She said, her head nodding toward the Lyn that was currently on the floor.
Tharja, paying no mind to the two walked toward Lucina and Severa.
"Lucina and Robin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Severa sang, albeit a little too loud for Lucina's comfort. Then again, this whole ordeal was making Lucina uncomfortable. She decided enough was enough, and interrupted Severa's next chorus.
"Severa! Stop! Otherwise I'll challenge you to a duel in the arena!"
Sure enough, Severa did. Slowly, she turned toward Lucina, a smug look over on her face.
"Pfft! Your IV's probably aren't even as good as mine!"
Lucina stood there, confused. Cordelia face palmed and Lyn only shook her head and muttered, "She played the IV card".
"What's an IV?" asked Lucina.
"Haven't the foggiest!" replied Severa, a grin spread wide upon her face.
Tharja was annoyed at this whole spectacle. Only one could have Robin, and that was she. All versions of Robin belonged to her, even the one where he was a girl and in a bikini. Tharja almost drooled at the image but quickly shook her head.
"Robin is mine!" She shouted at Lucina as she slammed a piece of cake in her face. Everyone in the vicinity was shocked and silent until one voice broke it.
"Hey! That was mine! I was about to finish that!" Shouted Roy, who was sitting with Lillina, Eliwood and Hector.
Lucina, face covered in cake, tried to wipe it all off. Cordelia, sensing that she needed some help, went to lend a hand.
Severa on the other hand, was outraged.
"How. Dare. You. Do. That. To. LUCYYYYYY!" She screamed as she threw a club sandwich at Tharja. This being Tharja, she easily dodged…only for the sandwich to land on Alfonse. Sharena looked at him, then at Tharja. She grinned.
"FOOD FIGHT!" She screamed as she slammed her pie into Alphonse's face.
Today was not his day.
"Holy god. Now we're gonna have 5 Nino's running around…I'm so gonna merge them all…MWAHAHAHAH…that's unbecoming of me." I muttered, standing outside of the Summoning tablet. I fired the breidablik at the lone red stone remaining from the summoning session.
"HIYA! TRICK OR TREEEEEEEAT!" Came a high-pitched voice as Nowi swooped down on a... broomstick.
"OH MY GOD A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" I screamed, while crying tears of joy.
"I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT IV'S YOU HAVE!"
"Ummm…what are IV's?" Nowi asked, looking at me in confusion.
"Never you mind! Meta stuff." I exclaimed as I walked away from the tablet, Nowi following suit.
"I can't wait to introduce you to…you?"
The great Order food fight was in full swing. Pies were thrown left, right and center, cake was littered on the floor, and Sharena was currently in the middle of it.
"Take that! And That! And That!" She screamed as various foods landed on the face of her foes, the unfortunates being Ryoma, Hinoka and Corrin. Under the pile of debris behind her, Alfonse emerged.
"Sis! Relax! Stop throwing food at everyone! Akimo's gonn-
*SPLAT*
"WHO RULES THE FOOD!? ME! WHO'S THE MASTER OF PASTA!? ME! WHO'S THE GOD OF COD!" Sharena bellowed, an intimidating look cast upon all in the vicinity. Tharja had since fled from the scene, and Sharena needed to find her next victim. Her eyes spotted Selena across the hall, currently taking cover and firing grapes at Laslow. She smiled to herself.
Target locked.
Cordelia looked at the scene, sighing to herself. Akimo wasn't gonna like this. At all. She could still remember the aftermath of the last time, and no one had ever seen him with that much fury. Nevertheless, she picked up the courage and started to run towards the summoning tablet, hoping that Akimo was still there and that she would make it in time. This being Cordelia, it wasn't a particularly fast run.
"So wait…it's Halloween. Does Ylisse even celebrate Halloween?" I asked (Witch) Nowi as I walked toward the roster to get her named signed up.
"I think..? I mean if we didn't, why am I wearing this? Haha!"
"Fair point."
We continued our walk towards the roster that was situated in my office, and I got Nowi to write her name when we got arrived.
"Wait..? My name is already written here…" she drifted off, as she showed me the piece of paper.
"Oh. Yeah that's cause we have another 'you'. One from a timeline where it is currently NOT Halloween."
"Ohhhh…like how I am all the time except Halloween?"
"Pretty much. Just write 'Witch' or 'Halloween' or something behind your name so I can distinguish you guys much easier."
"Okaaaaay!"
Nowi scribbled the word 'Broomstick' behind her name and awaited my next instructions. Just as I was about to say them, Cordelia burst through the door, huffing and clutching her sides as if she had just ran a marathon.
"Cordy? You alright? You look like you were having a race with Luke. On his horse."
Cordelia huffed and puffed (she didn't blow the house down sadly) and finally managed to get some words out.
"Mess…Hall *huff*…disaster…*haaaa*…Tharja…Lucina*huff* Food."
I nodded in understanding with a thumb on my chin.
"This IS a problem. Sorry Nowi, your registration will have to wait for a bit. That cool?"
Nowi nodded and sat herself on the chair in my office. Cordelia grabbed my sleeve and proceeded to bring me to the eye of the hurricane.
"What in Naga!? I didn't even do anything to you! Why are you targeting me!?" Selena (Severa) screamed as pastries of all shapes and sizes flew over her head.
"Because I saw you!" Sharena gleefully replied, pelting another pumpkin pie at Selena. This time, it finally hit it's mark, and Selena fell to a heap on the floor.
"W-Why?" Selena stammered. Sharena used her sadistic look.
"Because you never said 'hi'."
Selena braced for impact, ready for the impending doom to overcome her.
It never came.
Instead, she heard yelping as I held up Sharena by the back of her collar.
"Phew…just in time. Now, what do you think you're doing?" I asked the helpless princess that was currently hanging on my fingers.
"Ummm…nothing..?"
"NOTHING MY ASS! WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT FOOD FIGHTS!?" I roared, letting her go as she faced me.
She looked at me, with her puppy dog eyes.
"Sharena used Baby-Doll Eyes!"
"It doesn't affect foe Akimo!"
"Akimo used Uproar!"
"It's super effective!"
"Sharena used Fake Tears!"
"It doesn't affect foe Akimo!"
Sharena looked toward me with narrowed eyes.
"What are you? A ghost-type?"
"I do prefer Mimikyu actually, love its ability. It's basically a free protect! WAIT NO! WHAT. DID. I. SAY. ABOUT. FOOD. FIGHTS!?"
Sharena whimpered and finally relented.
"Never start a food fight when you're not present…"
"AND IF I AM!?"
"*Sigh*…go nuts…"
"CORRECT! I'M GONNA BE ADDING THIS TO THE FORBIDDEN LIST LATER SO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DO IT AGAIN!"
"YES SIR!" Sharena saluted, horrified at the tone of my voice. She scurried away to find herself a mop and a bucket.
Today was not her day.
"Don't think you're exempt from this too." I say as I grab the shoulder of someone behind me. A particular person with a tendency to stalk white-haired Tacticians.
"Akimo, why are you grabbing my shoulder?" Frederick asked.
"Oh wait, you're not Tharja? Darn. Wrong person. Where's Tharja?" I asked the nearest person around me, which turned out to be my assistant summoner, Cordelia.
"I dunno." She answers, shrugging her shoulders. "I know a way to find her though."
"Really!? How!?"
Cordelia breathed in a deep breath, and shouted:
"CHROM'S IN LOVE WITH ROBIN!"
"WAIT WHAT!?" Came Robin's panicked voice as he eyed his best friend.
"C-Chrom…is this true? I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't swing that way. Alternate me likes boys though, maybe try her?"
"No no! I'm not in love wi-
"How dare you love the love of my life!?"
Seemingly out of nowhere, Tharja appeared and started chanting.
"Huh, didn't think that would actually work." Cordelia said to no one in particular.
"Tharja. Grab a mop, and help Sharena clean up the mess hall. Or I'll start planning Lucina's marriage to Robin this instant."
"WAIT WHAT!?" Came Robin's overly panicked voice at the mention of 'Lucina' and 'Marriage'.
"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ROBIN!" Lucina cried, though the red hue on her face clearly said otherwise.
"DON'T BRING MY DAUGHTER INTO THIS!" Came Chrom's voice. I imagined if Sumia was here, she'd be squealing with joy at the prospect.
Tharja started panicking and went to get a mop. I turned toward the unfortunates who had to pay for my 'threat'.
"Relax guys, I'm only joking. Sorry for embarrassing you Lucina, needed to find a way to get Tharja to do my bidding and you seemed like the best candidate." I say as I offer her my hand.
Lucina looked toward me and after analyzing my apology, sighed and took it.
"It's alright, just don't do it again. And for the record, I'm definitely not in love with Robin. Even though he protects me. And understands me. And makes my heart flutter occasionally. Definitely not."
"Alrighty then!" I exclaimed, happy to have my apology accepted. Pissing off a new recruit is NOT something I want to do. Silence followed for what seemed like 5 minutes. Everybody got back to their own things when my assistant noticed something odd.
"Tharja's taking a while isn't she?" Cordelia muttered to me as she looked toward the storage room.
"OR AM I JOKING!? I'VE GOT THE PAPERS RIGHT HERE! JUST NEED YOU TWO TO SIGN TH-
"FINE! FINE!" Reappeared Tharja and silently got to work, muttering something underneath her breath.
"Akimo used Nasty Plot! It's super effective" I said to myself, as Camus looked at me with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, I should take a break from Pokémon Ultra sun."
Nowi swung her legs as she sat on the chair in my office.
"I'm booooooored~".
So that's done! I'll be putting up some responses for the reviews below:
Tobinboy100: Thanks so much for the feedback! I hope you continue to enjoy the chapters that I spew out.
agarfinkel: Really good idea! Sadly I don't currently own Sigurd, but when I do summon him I'll definitely entertain the idea!
NinaIsObsessedWithYaoi: First off. Love your username. Secondly, there would be tonnes of rules pertaining to Reinhardt (Stop making him dress up like a giant robot, stop abusing fortify and hone cavalry during practice etc.) but sadly, I don't have him lol. I've summoned him. Countless times. But vantage fodder.
Lyra Melody: Me Likey!
Guest that said Bunnycina's no longer available: IN YA FACE! I MANAGED TO SUMMON HER DURING 2nd LEGENDARY HEROES. LUCINA EMBLEM IS NOW A THIIIIIING! In all honesty though, I was not expecting legendary banners lol.
myself12343215: 4th wall's already been broken sadly :(
Thanks for reading, and hope to see you next chapter!