Disclaimer. Surprisingly, nothing has changed when it comes to the ownership of DC characters since my last fanfic.

"Hey, replacement! Don't you ever wonder where Bruce hid the corpses of the workers who made the Batcave?"

"… What?"

"Come on; you must have wondered how he managed to set all this up? The place is fucking huge. That Chinese emperor, Shi-something, has nothing on Bruce. A few thousand terra-cotta warriors and a mausoleum would get lost down here."

"I'm pretty sure the cave system is natural, Jason. Millions of years of flowing water tend to

erode bedrock, after all."

"Riiight... and the water left the floor smooth and even, and installed metal floors and bridges and a hidden door out from the cave, and put in plumbing and a computer bigger than the Pentagon and a mile of glass cases…"

"All right, you don't need to write the complete guidebook."

"You mean to say you never thought about how all the equipment came in here? I remember I wondered after just a few weeks when the first shellshock had subsided, but I didn't have the nerve to ask at the time. The man wasn't known for his gentle temper and considerate behaviour towards his kids, after all. After I while I kind of got used to it, and it never came up. But today is the day; I'm going to ask as soon as the old man gets down here."

"… Please do."

"You're such a fanboy if you believe that Bruce and Alfred did all this by themselves. Do you think Bruce put golden boy to work? I can totally see Dickie hanging from a trapeze while building a platform for an armada of Bat-mobiles."

"…. Jason…"

"He's no stranger to child endangerment, why would he hesitate to use child labour?"

"…."

"You might be born with a silver spoon in your mouth and expect these things to be done magically, but I can tell you there has been a lot of working hours put in here. A lot! And can you imagine Mr Paranoid letting a few dozen workers – and that's a conservative guess, by the way – out on the streets with knowledge of the Batcave? I always suspected he took a leaf from that crazy emperor and killed the workers to prevent them from spilling. At least, I think I've read that he killed off the workers. Unless it was the Egyptian Pharaohs…"

"If the text you think you might have read is as truthful as the magazine I saw you hide away when I came, I very much doubt anything of the kind ever happened."

"…Never mind about that. I stick to my question: Where are the corpses?"

"Will you just stop being absurd… It doesn't make sense to waste valuable resources by murdering skilled craftsmen, after all. And for the record, I'm talking about the Pharaohs and not about Bruce."

"See, here's the man himself. Finally."

"Tt. I wasn't aware you had planned for a convention, Father. Grayson and I could have gone straight out, to avoid unpleasant meetings."

"And hello to you, too, demon spawn. Hey, Bruce! I want a straight answer: How many people did you take in to fix up the cave? Since there is no way in hell you and Alfred managed by yourselves. And how did you ensure their silence – permanently?"

"…?"

"Notice his reluctance to answer, replacement? A sure sign of a guilty conscience."

"… You're still ridiculous, you know."

"So tell us, Dickiebird, did the old man put you to work cutting out the steps up to the manor when you were a toddler? No wonder you're so small; I'm sure too much hard work will stunt growth in a child."

"Damian! Calm down!"

"Let go of me, Grayson! He's accusing Father of mistreating a child."

"He's enjoying riling you up, that's what he's doing. If you ignore him, he'll soon give up."

"Still doesn't answer the question, golden boy. Was the cave this size when you first came here?"

"What? Of course the cave was huge when I was a kid, too. It wasn't this elaborate, though. There were only a few vehicles and a much smaller computer, for one thing. The part we used and had decent floors in started to get cramped when we got the dinosaur."

"And that's when he took in an army of underground workers, whom he subsequently had to silence one way or the other..?"

"Grayson, if you won't let me maim him, at least tell him he's a miserable slanderer!"

"Honestly, Jason, what do you think Bruce has friends for?"

"Friends? Of Bruce? You're delirious. Too many concussions, boy hostage."

"Chill, Damian! Jeez, I'll be exhausted before we've even reached Gotham tonight. Bruce, a little help here?"

"Hnh."

"See, he's embarrassed that he's been found out."

"…"

"Uncle Clark helped us fix the cave and bring in the material to expand, of course. What on earth did you think, Jason?"

"… I like my version much better. Bruce Wayne, modern-day Qin Shi-Whatever."

"Qin Shi Huang Di, Jason. If you're going to backtalk Bruce, you might at least get your facts right!"

Qin Shi Huang Di, emperor 221–210 BCE. Famous for the terra-cotta army that surrounds his mausoleum.