Title: An Unexpected Life

Summary: When Emily Prentiss went undercover as Lauren Reynolds the mission was clear… get into the International Arms market at all costs. She didn't truly understand the price until Lauren Reynolds died and she had to rebuild her life with the results.

Author: FreeWrite

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any related characters nor am I making any money off them. I'm having a little play and not making any money off them in the meantime…

Pairings: Canon only so minor Prentiss/Doyle at the beginning. As much as I love Prentiss/Just about anyone fic (Hotch, Rossi, JJ, OC)... I haven't written a "Ship" fic for over 10 years.

AN: Not long ago I wrote and posted a series of AU one shots based around the Lauren/Valhalla story arc called "The Heroine". The third one (at the time called Minus Eight Thousand) was a 2k snapshot where Emily killed Doyle while undercover and raised Declan herself. The original can be found: s/12563148/3/The-Heroine. While I was happy with the story as it was there was a scene that absolutely wouldn't leave me alone, unfortunately it didn't work with the overall effect of "The Heroine" and the story I wanted to tell at the time. Once it was finished and posted I went back to the beginning to expand it out into this AU story, while the basic premise is the same a number of changes have been made. This story is complete but in need of a beta, please PM me if you are interested.

Timeline: I've tried to stick fairly close to the cannon timeline but have had to either stretch or compress certain events to make it work, if you want my head cannon timeline for this PM me and I'll send it across.

You want me to raise your son so he can have your life?

Is it that bad a life?

There are so many things I would do to make you happy. But I can't do this.

September 2001

Massa, Italy

Looking over her shoulder, Lauren Reynolds quickly scanned the road to make sure she hadn't been followed. She'd had free reign to come and go as she pleased but given the revelations of the morning Lauren wouldn't be surprised if Ian tried to put a guard on her for her 'protection'. They had all the evidence they needed to bring Ian Doyle up on charges for international arms dealing. She knew his trade routes, partners, and safe houses and now she knew his most protected secret.

That knowledge and trust came with a price Lauren Reynolds wasn't willing to pay.

Wandering slowly down the cobblestoned street she stopped in several boutique stores, making small purchases. Earrings, a scarf, scented candles and some beautiful lingerie Lauren knew Ian would love.

Reaching her favourite cafe, she sat in the late afternoon sun and waited. Her presence was expected and one of the team would contact her. She didn't need to wait long, Jeremy Wolff approached her table pretending to be a busboy

"Buongiorno, signora, come sta oggi il tuo caff " (Good morning miss, how is your coffee today?)

"Deliziosa grazie, hai cambiato la birra?" (Delicious thank you, have you changed the brew?)

"S"in realtˆ, questo un caff di specialitˆ di Verona" (Yes actually, this is a specialty coffee from Verona)

"Non hanno nulla di simile a casa. Dovresti continuare a servirlo" (They have nothing like this back home. You should keep serving it)

"Lascer˜ conoscere il proprietario. Abbiate una bella passeggiata pomeridiana" (I'll let the owner know. Have a nice afternoon miss.)

"Grazie anche tu." (Thank you, you as well.)

Lauren drained the rest of her cup, picked up her purchases and walked out.

Within hours the local police should arrive at the Villa to arrest both herself and Ian. They would be processed through the system, and she would be taken into custody by Interpol… Sean and Clyde wouldn't be happy about her decision to kill Lauren Reynolds… but she was done. Once Doyle was in custody she was getting out for good.

The next morning Lauren woke with Ian's arm wrapped around her possessively as it always was. The police hadn't come and though she had the ability to extract herself in an emergency at this point it would tip Ian off and compromise the entire mission.

Maybe something had gone wrong on their end. The conversation with Jeremy yesterday had been a version of one that had been repeated countless times over the last few years. Her telling him they had nothing like this back home was the agreed extraction message and Jeremy would not have forgotten or misheard.

Lauren went about her day as though nothing was wrong. She would wait... it was all she could do.

A week passed, then another... Ian threw her and Declan together every chance he got. He started making subtle allusions to another child, spoke as though she hadn't refused to raise Declan and give him a sibling.

"I won't raise children to live my life" she told him again and again.

He ignored her, Lauren knew that the longer she refused him the higher the chance of him trying to take the decision out of her hands. She wasn't overly worried yet, her Implanon still had 18 months before it would need to be replaced. Once Ian realised this though... he had the potential to get violent. Lauren could see him demanding she have the implant removed early.

What Ian Doyle wanted, Ian Doyle got.

She also knew he was fully capable of attempting to negate the birth control without her knowledge. She wasn't sure if it was even possible with the implant but it wasn't something she was willing to risk. The longer she remained the higher the risk.

This wasn't a scenario they had prepared for when sending her undercover. They also hadn't expected the Valhalla part of the operation to last so long but for every layer Lauren peeled back she found another 3 waiting for her. Not just on Valhalla but the intel she was sending back to Interpol on several other arms dealers was invaluable.

At the end of the second week Lauren went back into town despite Ian's protests. He didn't want her leaving the villa without him. Wandering in an out of different boutique shops but not making any purchases.

She ordered her coffee, and sat down to wait.

No one came.

Another two weeks passed Ian continued to push her about children but in a slightly different way. As though she'd already agreed to have a child with him and it was just the timing they disagreed on, he told her he was reassigning Louise to another property leaving Lauren to care for Declan. He refused to let her leave the Villa when she said she wanted to go shopping. The bruises he left on her wrists scared her more than anything.

She made the call for emergency extraction.

Something should have happened within the hour.

Still no one came.

Lauren expected that, she'd known when there was no one at the coffee shop that something had gone seriously wrong. She had to get herself out now, she'd overheard a conversation between Ian and one of the kitchen staff. He'd been having something added to her food for months St John's Wort? It appeared all of his pushing and posturing had been an act, he never cared about her choices or wants. She'd known that all along she just never expected him to act before she'd had a chance to refuse him.

When the raid came 2 nights later it wasn't the Italian Police or Interpol.

It was a rival arms dealer.

He wanted Ian's business.

Lauren saw her chance as Ian kissed her hard and pressed a HK P30 into her hands. For weeks she'd been fighting the desire to take Declan away from this life. Let him grow up never knowing this violence and greed. He could be a teacher, doctor, lawyer, care worker, janitor... anything but a warrior... anything.

"Get to Declan. Promise me you'll get him out and meet me in Ravenna?"

"I promise." Lauren leaned in and kissed him again.

She stepped back, pointed the P30 at his forehead and pulled the trigger.

Before his body hit the ground she was running towards the 4 year olds bedroom. When she arrived the little boy was wide awake, trembling in a corner. Grabbing a blanket off the bed Lauren wrapped him up and lifted him into her arms.

"I've got you" she murmured, on the opposite wall she hit the point Ian had shown her months before. A panel slid back to reveal the escape tunnels that had been built into the villa by the original owner more than a century before. Securing the door behind her she pressed Declan's head into her neck, his body still shaking in fear and tears soaking the collar of her shirt.

The tunnels were long and dank, according to Ian they ran close to a mile through the country side and at the end he kept a car hidden.

Just in case.

By the time she reached the exit her arms and back were burning in pain from carrying a now sleeping Declan.

Laying the boy on the bench seat and tucking the blanket around him, Lauren walked around to the trunk and pulled out the hidden case. Another P30 lay in there along with the key's to a safe house in Ravenna and €20,000. She pocketed the spare clips and €1000.00 before sliding into the driver's seat. 10 minutes later she was heading south down the E80. Any survivor's from the villa would head east, anyone not at the villa would expect her to head east as well when she didn't show they would assume she was dead.

Glancing at her watch Lauren predicted they would reach Rome just before 6am. She couldn't just walk into Interpol with Valhalla's son, even if she didn't have Declan with her she would still hesitate. Something had gone wrong, two requests for extraction were ignored, she couldn't trust her team and therefore she couldn't trust Interpol.

That left her with her FBI handler. Her situation was dicey enough that she could bypass official protocol and go directly to Matt Cruz.

Basic plan, get to Rome, get to the lock box with her real passport and FBI credentials and get to the Embassy.

Reaching out she ran her hand through Declan's blond curls. The boy squirmed and shuffled until his head was resting on Lauren's thigh, pulling the blanket up so he was covered she left her hand on his back and continued to drive.

The sky was starting turn a muted grey as they reached the outer suburbs of Rome. With a sigh of relief she found a 24 hour department store. Lifting Declan into her arms she wasn't surprised the boy had finally slept off the fear from the night before. Carrying him as far as the front doors she allowed the boy to slide down and walk once they reached in the relatively clean interior. Leading him over to the children's section she quickly grabbed several sets of jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts before allowing Declan to choose his own shoes, socks and underwear.

Lauren didn't need anything as there were plenty of clothes in the flat Emily had but for forms sake she picked up the same for herself. Just another lost traveler.

Clothes paid for they continued the drive into the city centre.

Once safely inside Emily's flat she sent Declan to the bedroom to dress while she quickly changed and opened the floor safe. Most of the Euro's from the car was deposited along with the two P30's and her half of the Gimmel ring.

Out came the passport and FBI credentials. After nearly 5 years locked away in a box Emily Prentiss came back to life.

"Lauren?" Declan's soft Irish lilt echoed through the room as she replaced the last floor board.

"Yeah sweetie"

"I'm hungry..."

Emily smiled "We'll be getting breakfast soon. Come sit with me for a second" she waved him over to the couch, with a grin he ran over and jumped into her lap.

"I need you to do something very important for me." She ran a hand through his curls as he nodded "Do you remember how you weren't allowed to tell anyone who your Father is?" another nod "That's still a rule ok, unless I tell you it's alright."

"Ok"

"There's something else" she continued "you can't call me Lauren anymore. There are bad people looking for us and I'm going to be telling people my name is Emily and I'm your Mom. Is that ok with you?"

The little boy studied her intently before nodding his agreement "I like the name Em'ly and Daddy said he wanted you to be my Ma."

"Good." she slid him off her lap as her heart broke for the little boy who was so used to lies already "let's go find us some food."

Knowing they would be well looked after in the Embassy Emily didn't bother trying to find anywhere open, and instead waved down a taxi. Declan was quiet as the interrupted rest caught up to him and within minutes was asleep nestled against Emily. 20 minutes later she was standing at the guard gate Declan fast asleep in her arms waiting for them to verify her credentials when a familiar voice called from the staff gate.

"Emily? Emily Prentiss is that you?"

Turning to look over her shoulder a wide grin broke out "Bobby! I didn't know you were still in Rome."

"Darling, the only way I'll ever agree to leave Rome is in a body bag."

Bobby Lucas had been running the Italian embassy since long before Emily's mother had been posted there in 1985. He'd run plenty of interference between then 15 year old Emily and her parents.

"Are you sure you should keep Ambassador Prentiss' daughter waiting like this" he smiled at the guards.

"I hadn't actually dropped Mothers name into it yet" she grinned as she awkwardly slid her ID back in her pocket while trying not to drop Declan.

"What do you need Emmy?" Bobby was worried, her complexion was an ashy grey and it was obvious she was only keeping herself upright by sheer will power.

"A place for Declan to sleep, breakfast for him when he wakes up and a secure line to report to my superiors."

"Come on" He led her down the hall to his office "Declan can sleep on my couch, my line is secure but honey, you could probably do with a nap as well."

"I desperately need sleep" she agreed "but not until after I report in"

Declan didn't even stir as she laid him on the couch and covered him in a blanket.

"You make your call, I'll go let Ambassador Myers know you're here and get you two some breakfast. Do you need to stay in the Embassy?"

"Yes we do. The Ambassador will get a request through official Bureau channels later today."

When Bobby had left her and Declan alone in the office Emily let out a deep breath trying to stave of the weariness until after she made this phone call. Picking up the phone she dialled a number from memory. It was just after midnight in DC, she was hoping he had already been notified about the hit on the Villa.

"Cruz"

"It's me..."

"Holy shit Prentiss, where the hell are you. I just got off the phone with McAlister he said there was a hit at the Villa, everyone was executed and the place burned to the ground; they didn't know if you were still there since you missed the last check in but because they could still get eyes on you at the Villa they decided to wait and see."

"I'm in the embassy in Rome. I didn't go dark Matt" she took a deep breath as her stomach rolled at the implications "I requested extraction 4 weeks ago. The last time I saw any of the team was the standard meet in the cafe where I gave Wolff the extraction signal."

"You requested extraction? Wolff told me everything was fine." Matt was confused he took a deep breath. "Ok, timeline it for me"

"8 September standard check in procedure, I arrived in the cafe ordered my coffee. Wolff was there and I requested non-urgent extraction. Nothing happened, because it wasn't critical I waited until the next check in. 22 September same as always ordered my coffee sat down but no one turned up. 5 October I couldn't wait anymore, it was critical I get out ASAP so I called in an urgent extraction request and again nothing, I was just waiting for Doyle to leave the villa so I could get myself out. 7 October the villa is raided, from what I saw it was Halsey trying to get rid of Doyle - a hostile takeover so to speak. Myself and one other got out and we headed straight for Rome."

"Who else got out?"

"A child, he's only 4. I need passport for him in the name of Declan Prentiss." she stated flatly, she knew exactly what she was requesting.

"Emily?"

"Matt... Please?" he was silent, he needed more information on what had happened in the last month but not over the phone.

"I'm in London right now, I'll be in Rome in a few hours. I'll request you and Declan be allowed to stay in the embassy until we can get you stateside and I'll request an urgent passport for your son."

"Thank you" she whispered.

"Get some sleep Prentiss, I'll be there soon."

Before she could respond he'd hung up the phone.

Standing up from the desk she was just about to lower herself to the couch and curl up with Declan when Bobby returned.

"The Ambassador said you two could stay as long as you needed. Do you want to eat or sleep?"

Emily looked down at Declan still sound asleep "sleep" she stated.

When SSAIC Matt Cruz arrived 6 hours later he found a somewhat rested Emily curled up on an overstuffed lounge with a little boy reading. He was concerned by the way her shoulders stooped and her naturally pale complexion had an unhealthy grey tinge.

Taking in the scene he was taken aback by the change from the rookie he'd sent to Interpol 5 years before. Gone was the bright eyed naïveté that she'd kept after training at The Farm and Scotland Yard and in its place was a world weary woman. He'd been acutely aware that this assignment might cost Emily Prentiss her life, now he was wondering if the cost had actually been higher. When she looked up at him a smile broke out on her face and Matt felt a weight lift off him.

Lauren Reynolds hadn't completely destroyed her.

Leaving the couch she stood and wrapped her arms around him taking a moment to just relax into the hug. Matt Cruz had never let her down and she hoped he never would.

"I'm done Matt… I want to go home and be Emily again." She whispered in his ear.

"Then that's what you'll do." He squeezed her once more before letting go.

Quick introductions were made before she settled the boy with pencils and paper and they sat on the other side of the room.

He'd been receiving regular updates so everything prior to the last month was ignored.

She knew that she would have to trust someone with Declan's true identity and if anyone could help her protect him it was Matt Cruz so she told him everything she knew about Declan while covering the events of the last month.

The only thing she left out was who fired the bullet that killed Doyle.

"What changed two days ago?" he asked "you said you called in an urgent extraction."

For the first time in the two hours they'd been speaking he saw a crack in her brave facade.

"Doyle had been pushing me pretty hard to the point that I was no longer allowed out of the villa alone, you have to remember he's a psychopath, he doesn't understand that controlling… possessing someone isn't the same as loving them, he can't even feel love. What we didn't count on was his idealised view of family."

Matt nodded, he already knew most of this from the profile.

"To his mind Declan was the ultimate proof that he was right in what he was doing, that he was a good man, a success, another child would cement that but I'd made it clear all along that Lauren Reynolds would never marry or have children and he knew I'd refuse to change my mind."

"Why do you say he knew you wouldn't change your mind?"

"Do you know what happens when you take St Johns wort for an extended period while on hormonal birth control?"

"No" Matt chuckled slightly "I've never needed to"

"Neither did I until I found out Doyle started having it added to all my meals at the villa around 4 months ago. It increases the speed in which your body metabolises certain things including the hormone released by implanon..."

She watched him closely, waiting for the implications to hit.

"He decided to force the issue. Are you pregnant?" It didn't take him long.

"It's possible."

Matt sat back and considered everything Emily had told him. He had already requested an investigation into the actions of the rest of JTF-12, it would take months for it to be completed and he wanted Emily back in the States ASAP. There was a deep set weariness that concerned him and it would only get worse the longer she had to stay in Europe. In DC she would be able to relax and hopefully shake off the last of Lauren Reynolds.

"Ok" he started "we'll have an emergency passport for Declan within 72 hours, we'll leave as soon as we've got it. I've already requested official documentation stating he is your son and it should be ready by the time we get to DC. You need to see a Doctor today if possible, I'll ask for the Embassy physician to come and see you, if that's not possible I'll get the name of a local GP. Once we're back in DC a full debrief will need to be done. After that you'll be given a 6 month furlough to get your life back in order."

He studied her carefully.

"You'll also need to make a decision on what to do next."

Her eyes crinkled in confusion "What do you mean?"

"Will you come back to Europe re-join the JTF? Your skills and knowledge will be invaluable to them, or do you want a states based assignment?"

She nodded slowly, considering her answer "If I needed to make a decision right now I'd say find me the field office in the most boring place possible and assign me there. Hell you could send me to Anchorage to count huskies and I'd say thank you."

"That's why I'm not asking for a decision right now." Matt smiled "They'll want to know your preferences at the end of the debrief but don't worry about it, as I said you'll be getting a 6 month stand down so you've got time."

He reached out and grabbed her hand "Just relax, I'll go and see about the Doctor and we'll worry about everything else later."

She nodded and wandered back over to the couch, Declan still happily drawing. When Matt returned 30 minutes later she was sound asleep with Declan lying flat on top of her.

He left them asleep while he made the call he promised McAlister.

"Where the hell are you, I thought you were flying straight into Florence?" McAlister was not happy.

"I need you to listen carefully and only answer yes or no. Do you understand?"

"Yes"

"Did Prentiss make the check in on 24 August?"

"Yes"

"She was met by Mosely?"

"Yes"

"Did she make the check in on 8 September?"

"Yes"

"She met with Wolff?"

"Yes"

"Did she make the check in on 22 September?"

"No"

"Did Wolff go to meet her again?"

"Yes"

"Was Wolff manning the emergency line on 5 October?"

"Yes"

"I'm with Prentiss now, she made the check in with Wolff on 8 September and requested extraction. She went back on 22 September and no one was there. She called for urgent extraction on 5 October. Do you understand what I'm saying?

"Yes... fuck"

"One last thing… Lauren Reynolds is dead…"

Cruz hung up the phone, McCallister would handle the rest. Glancing over to the couch he saw Emily awake and staring at him.

"Wolff turned didn't he? She whispered.

"I think so" Matt didn't miss the flash of betrayal, when she slid out from under Declan and stood he didn't miss the way she swayed either.

"The Doctor will be here at 5"

She didn't acknowledge the statement, Matt could see she was struggling to wrap her head around the fall out of this case. When they had been building the backstop for Lauren Reynolds it had been agreed that the history would be one that discouraged the building of her own family unit. The privileged daughter of a business man, sent to all the best schools and given all the opportunity in the world, but basically ignored. Lauren's mother had died when she was a toddler, not knowing what else to do with her, her father had treated her as an accessory to be brought out to impress his associates and nothing more.

Once in college the rebellion had started, she'd refused to take any of the classes her father wanted her to and spent more time socialising than studying, her grades had been average but not spectacular and her Arts degree only completed to get access to her trust fund. After senior year she had cashed out said trust fund and gone backpacking turning her back on everything related to her childhood. While in Turkey Lauren had met French gun runner Jean Baptiste, less than two years later Lauren was running on her own, hooking up with whichever dealer could pay her the most.

Everything about Lauren Reynolds was built to discourage family and settling down, she lived a hedonistic life and had no desire to ever change that. They'd all believed Ian Doyle to be the same...

Matt had seen it in Emily's eyes when she'd confirmed the possibility of her being pregnant. She already knew the answer, but wasn't ready to admit it.

Re-starting her life as Emily Prentiss with a 4 year old was going to be hard enough but to add a newborn into the mix... She wasn't sure she could do it.

3 Days later they finally arrived back in Washington.

Emily and Declan settled into the temporary apartment the Bureau organised for them and the debriefing started. Shut away with the section Chiefs from JTTF, BAU, TSC and Matt.

They covered everything from her initial recruitment to JTF-12, training at The Farm and Scotland Yard, the other cases they had run while she was undercover. They asked her every question multiple times worded in different ways... not to trip her up or catch her in a lie but instead to ensure nothing was missed. They went back over old reports and check ins, information she had provided to both the Bureau and Interpol that allowed them to shut down not just Valhalla's operations but several other arms dealers as well. When asked about Declan, she told them exactly what Doyle had, his mother was the housekeeper and was killed in the raid. She said nothing about the pregnancy, word would get back to them eventually and they would do the maths but for now they didn't need to know.

3 Weeks into the debrief the preliminary results into Interpol's investigation came in and while it would be months before the final report was available it was a relief to see it all in black and white. Emily was widely praised for her actions during the case. Tsia and Sean were cleared, they hadn't known she requested extraction. Like Emily they had trusted Jeremy. Clyde knew about the first request but believed there was more information she could get out of Doyle. He'd been censured, demoted and relegated to a desk job in Bristol. The chances of him ever getting out of there were slim.

Jeremy Wolff had betrayed them all.

All the while Emily tried to decide what to do next. Another JTF was out of the question. Each of the section chiefs had approached her individually stated she could have her pick of assignments in their division. It didn't make it any easier, she figured she would just tell them where she wanted to live and they would find her an appropriate assignment when the time came.

Boston was out, there was too high a chance someone would recognise her Lauren Reynolds persona. Washington DC was near the bottom of her preferences, living close enough to her Mother to be nagged at by her in person was to be avoided at all costs. She wasn't interested in living in most of the south or pacific North West.

Charleston was a possibility and she loved both San Francisco and New Orleans but for some reason every time she looked at the map her eyes were drawn to Chicago. She liked the city well enough, but had never had a 'wow I'd love to live here' moment when she'd visited in the past. There were no attachments there for either Lauren Reynolds or Emily Prentiss; maybe that was why she was seriously considering the windy city. A quick scan of the field office roles and responsibilities confirmed that the violent crimes and organised crimes units did do undercover work it was volunteer only and none of the units worked regularly on international task forces.

The next afternoon they wrapped up the debrief and the topic of her next assignment was broached publicly for the first time. Chief Strauss confirmed as of the next day she had a 6 month furlough before officially starting her next assignment. Taking a deep breath Emily gave them her decision.

"To be blunt I don't have a preference about which division I'm next assigned to, I only ask that I be excluded from any international task forces or deep cover work." She met each of their gazes in turn, her request not unexpected, agents who had spent as much time as she did in deep cover either got out or went deeper "I'm hoping to settle in Chicago, and due to personal circumstances would like to extend my furlough to a full year. The additional time of course can be taken as unpaid leave."

Before any of the others could form a response Chief Camplin of JTTF nodded his agreement "We'll approve the additional leave and we'll ensure there's an appropriate position in the Chicago field office for you to start January 2003."

Winter had well and truly descended on Chicago when they arrived. Having spent most of his living memory in Tuscany, snow was outside Declan's experience. Emily used the little boys wonder to her advantage, letting him play in the park across from their hotel late in afternoons. Tiring him out and ensuring that he slept well every night.

The day after they arrived, she walked into a real estate agent with a very short list of requirements for an apartment.

3 bedrooms, parking, 24 hour security and no more than 20 minutes from the Field Office.

Luckily for her winter in Chicago was a buyers' market and on Christmas Eve she was signing the contract to purchase an apartment in Ravenswood.

Christmas was spent eating too much and spoiling Declan. Emily knew that she would have to learn to say no to him sooner rather than later but she wasn't overly concerned at that moment. He was a happy, polite and well-adjusted little boy and that was all she cared about.

Christmas was also when she finally worked up the courage to tell Declan about the baby. At 14 weeks she had a small pot belly that could still be mistaken as a very good meal. Declan's response had surprised her as he didn't seem to be phased by the news, receiving it with a simple "Oh, can I go back to my Lego's now?"

Emily nodded and sat there watching him play. Maybe it would just take him time to realise exactly what it meant.

Like Christmas, New Year was spent just the two of them in the hotel room the days in between shopping for their apartment and getting to know the city they would be calling home for the foreseeable future.

By the end of January they were in their own home and Emily had finally managed to get her personal belongings out of storage. The day spent shelving her books, and placing the Knick knacks collected over years of travel banished the last of Lauren Reynolds and for the first time she felt like Emily Prentiss was truly back in control of her life.

February saw Declan enrolled in pre-K 2 days a week. As much as she wanted to keep him with her at all times Emily knew it wasn't healthy for either of them, and with his 5th birthday at the end of March he would be starting school in September.

She was not looking forward to that day.

February was also when Tsia turned up in Chicago.

They had just been to the park, Emily still taking Declan every afternoon to run all of his energy off despite the sub-zero temperature. Sitting at the bus stop outside their building Tsia simply waited, she figured that Emily would eventually walk past and didn't want to force Emily to speak with her. Jeremy's betrayal had hit them all hard but to be left out in the cold the way Emily had... she wouldn't be surprised if she wanted nothing to do with either herself or Sean. This way if Emily wanted to she could simply walk past and Tsia would go back to London.

She got the opposite reaction, upon seeing her friend, Emily's face lit up and she rushed over wrapping her arms around her friend. Feeling a tug on her pants Emily let go of Tsia and crouched down next to Declan.

"Dec, this is my friend Tsia" grinning up at the shock on Tsia's face "Tsia, this is my son Declan."

"Hello" Declan smiled and held his hand out to be shook "nice to meet you."

Tsia faltered, she knew that smile, and those eyes.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Declan" she finally took the little boy's offered hand.

"Come on up" Emily stood awkwardly holding tight to Declan with one hand, the other wrapped around Tsia's waist. Leading the two of them up to the apartment Emily took off her coat and then turned all of her attention to Declan, ignoring Tsia's gasp of surprise and questioning gaze at her changed figure.

After getting the little boy into dry clothes and settled watching a movie she led Tsia into the kitchen.

"Go ahead, ask your questions."

"Honestly, I don't even know where to start..."

"I'm not surprised" Emily smirked "she's due mid-June." she confirmed.

Tsia quickly counted back in her head "Did you know when you gave the extraction signal?"

"No..." Emily wasn't sure if the next piece of information would help or hurt "My OB estimates she wasn't conceived until after I requested extraction..." Emily let Tsia process this new information, admittedly Emily herself had boxed up the implications of her last month at the villa and was refusing to acknowledge what was done to her.

"She?"

"Yeah, Declan insisted we find out. He didn't want to upset the baby if their room was the wrong colour." Emily chuckled, that had been an interesting conversation.

"And you can't say no to him." Tsia paused "I'm not the only one with eyes you know." her gaze flickered over to where Declan was watching Aladdin "Those baby blues and that smile..."

"I know..." Emily agreed staring hard at her friend hoping beyond anything Tsia would let it go. "Ian Doyle told me he was the son of his housekeeper."

"Yes... yes he's Louise Thatcher's son" Tsia agreed, Emily's avoidance of them and Cruz's insistence on taking her straight back to the States made sense now.

They let conversation turn away to other topics, they knew the likelihood of tears and anger was high and neither wanted to upset Declan. As always the two women had common interests in literature and science and could chat for hours.

Later that evening once Declan was in bed they turned back to more serious topics.

"Did you even suspect?"

Tsia wouldn't even meet her gaze, instead focussing on the photo of Declan on Santa's lap.

"Looking back I can see all the little signs and I'm not sure why I didn't pick up on them. Especially after he said you missed check in, it didn't make sense, you'd never missed a check in before." She sighed "We didn't want a pattern developing so we drew straws every time. Jeremy was insistent that he be the one to go again, claimed if you were there he needed to see that you were ok for himself, said he felt responsible for the previous check in. He and Clyde fought over it... I wish I'd told them both to bugger off and gone myself."

"I wish you had too." reaching out Emily grabbed Tsia's hand "how long are you staying?"

"As long as I want to... as long as I'm welcome."

"And what reason are you going to give Sean when you tell him I'm never coming back to the JTF?"

Tsia tipped her head back and laughed "I should have known I couldn't get one past you... I'll tell him the truth... your priorities have changed and he's welcome to come here and try to convince you himself."

Tsia ended up staying in Chicago for a week, making Emily promise to call if she needed help when the baby came.

3 days after Tsia left Sean was on her doorstep. He understood Emily's desire to be away from the murky world of international espionage but the team he was putting together was going back to the basic mission of JTF-12. Profiling international terrorists and he wanted Emily in it.

He walked away disappointed but understanding.

With March came spring, Declan loved Pre-K and Emily was grateful when he made friends in his class. The mothers and fathers of said friends were wary at first of the haunted single mother but it eventually evaporated into friendliness. Not that Emily would call any of them friends.

April brought Matt Cruz from DC with the final report on Jeremy Wolff's actions during the last months of the operation. They'd found damning communication between Wolff and Marc Halsey along with the payout the former BND agent had received for his information. The German government had disavowed him and according to Cruz's information he was currently residing in a Siberian gulag. Emily hoped he rotted there for eternity.

May seemed to drag by, getting Declan to school 2 days a week and entertaining him the other 5 drained Emily more than she would admit. As each day passed she came closer and closer to picking up the phone and asking Tsia to come so there would be someone else to chase after the energetic 5 year old and she could nap away the last few weeks of pregnancy. Eleanor Prentiss surprised her by arriving on the 31st of May. 3 weeks early, long and wiry like her mother, as Emily stared at the new born she could see so much of both herself and Ian. Dark brown hair, Emily's ski jump nose, doe shaped eyes and high cheek bones. Ian's ears, chin and cornflower blue eyes. Just like Declan…

June was a blur for Emily, resetting all their routines around a very demanding Nell was tough for both her and Declan.

A phone call from one of the parents at the pre-k saw a group of them meeting in the park twice a week. Emily gratefully let the other parents dote over Nell while she relaxed for an hour. By the time the end of August rolled around Nell was no longer demanding to be held every second, so Emily could leave her in the stroller while she ran around with the older kids and gave Declan some much needed attention.

Some days Emily wondered what would have happened if she hadn't refused Ian. She would still be in Italy, still raising Declan and she would still have Nell.

She would still be Lauren Reynolds and chances are Ian would still be alive and she wouldn't be struggling to do this alone.

Would Ian have been happy with a daughter? Would he dote on her, conceding to her every whim or would he raise her as he would a son. To be a warrior?

Shaking off those dark thoughts got easier as time passed, banishing them completely was another story.

By the time Declan started school in September Emily was quietly confident that she had the hang of this whole parenting thing and would not be screwing up her kids beyond repair. The extra time also meant she could start preparing herself to go back to work. Every morning she would walk Declan to school, then spend the next hour jogging around the park with Nell in the stroller rebuilding her stamina. A call to the Chicago field office confirmed her credentials would allow her to use their gym and training facilities so she booked Nell into a nearby day care twice a week to ensure she was in top shape when her furlough was up.

On the 1st anniversary of Ian Doyle's death she kept Declan home from school and took her children to the zoo refusing to acknowledge that the day meant something.

END CHAPTER